BRIAN

I listened to what Ben told Justin and started to really think about things that might have been different if we’d known about it before Lindsay completely lost herself. I couldn’t help feeling some guilt over my inattention to what was going on.

“Ben feels the same,” Justin tells me, as if he knew what I was thinking.

“I should have gone to see for myself, not relied on Michael,” I tell him.

“Even if you did, do you really think they would have let you witness what they were doing? Think about it, unless the girls wanted anyone to know something they hid it until they needed you to fix it for them. We both know that Mel and Michael didn’t want anyone to know what they were doing,” Justin tells me.

“I was angry at her, and left her alone,” I tell him.

“Why were you angry at her?” Justin asks.

“For once, I knew what I wanted. Regardless of how it looked, I wanted us to get married. Yet, once again there was something forcing us apart. I was already having to give up Gus, and then I had to hear how you’d be giving up things if you stayed with me. I know she was only looking out for you, but her kindness was just another loss for me. I didn’t want to hear anything that pointed to the Great White North not being all the bullshit Mel pushed into Lindsay’s head, because as far as I was concerned they should deal with their decision, since it took Gus away from me,” I tell him.

“You feel like you and Ben did the same thing?” He asks.

“No. I wouldn’t have sat there wallowing in my own pity party. I would have gotten Lindsay help sooner and made it so Mel wasn’t around Gus with her poisonous mouth. My only guilt is that I let Gus be around the people who caused most of his pain,” I say not willing to give Ben an easy out for his inaction.

“At the time, how could you have changed it? Brian, you were fighting the same fight Ben was, since Mel had full custody of Gus. You were left on the outside until Lindsay signed her rights over to you. I’m not making excuses for you, or condemning you with what I’m about to say.” Justin stops, waiting until I nod to continue. “If you had tried to get custody, you would have been fighting a system that would have condemned you for the life you lived. Everything about your past, including how old I was when we started seeing each other, would have been twisted into something against you. Even though your friends wouldn’t have wanted to hurt you, Mel would have made sure they did by making everything in your life sound like you were some kind of deviant, unfit to be a father. What could they say about Mel, other than all they saw was she was a loving mother to Gus. At the time, Gus’s only complaint was not liking Canada and missing Lindsay, who left him with Mel. It’s a fight you couldn’t win, if you don’t believe me ask Gabriel,” Justin tells me.

“I’m assuming you did?” I ask.

“I knew this was how you would react. Wanting to find a way to blame yourself for things you couldn’t fix. Did Gus ever tell you she mistreated him?” Justin asks.

“No. He just didn’t like where they lived, like you said. When I asked about how things were with Mel, he never said anything about the things she was saying about Lindsay. He didn’t want to talk about Lindsay at all, even when I tried to tell him she did love him. He avoided any conversation I tried to have with him about either you or Lindsay actually. I didn’t push, because I didn’t want to tell him what Lindsay was like after you took her with you,” I tell him.

“Which wasn’t something either of us were sure how Gus would deal with and what Mel hung over your head. She didn’t do anything but fuel Gus’s belief that Lindsay was the bad guy for leaving them. Then you have Michael, who everyone saw as the misunderstood, innocent good guy, always looking out for all of you. Michael, who would have sided with you, but always made sure to get what he wanted. If you didn’t do what he wanted, then once again poor Mikey would sit on the stand telling every sordid detail he could think up. Mel probably danced with glee when you made the final break with Michael,” Justin tells me.

“He knew every damning thing I ever did,” I comment.

“After he told the next thing he would talk about how great a mother Mel has always been, making sure to point out how many people could verify it. It would have been hard for you to fight either of them, when the only person who could have helped you, wasn’t capable,” Justin tells me.

“It’s something she always did, it didn’t matter what anyone said about me, she only saw the opposite. It’s the same thing you did, and do,” I tell him.

“We saw the man behind the myth,” Justin tells me.

“Speaking of …” I say to change the subject since Justin was right, my guilt wasn’t going to change anything.

Justin gets up, reading my mind, and starts stripping. He doesn’t head to the bedroom, but to the balcony where the hot tub was waiting for us. I follow, watching as he finishes undressing, then let him help me get undressed between kisses. I smirk as he licks his lips, scanning every inch of me. His hands follow his eyes as he touches me, the contrast of his porcelain skin against my darker complexion is something I’ve always found erotic. When he lowers himself to his knees, he uses his mouth to replace his hands. My hands run through his soft hair, and caress his head as he takes all of me into his warm, wet mouth. I groan as Justin uses his tongue and teeth over every sensitive area of my cock. I used to believe that being with the same person would eventually become boring, but I never counted on what love does to keep the spark alive. Justin lets my cock fall from his mouth, then engulfs one ball while massaging the other. Watching as he keeps his eyes on me, I almost come just from seeing his tongue licking me from base to head, before he takes me back in and waits for me to thrust. I start out slowly, wanting to make him work for it, but as Justin slides his tongue up and down as I thrust I give him what he wants. Listening to him moan as if I gave him his favorite dessert only makes me want what only he can give me. I pull Justin up and sit him on the edge of the hot tub, then take him into my mouth. Justin leaned against the wall, letting me do everything. It’s something he likes even more than taking charge, letting me take care of him, the way he takes care of everyone else. I didn’t rush, wanting to hear how much he loved what I was doing to him. One of the things about being with only him is that we are in sync with each other, and I know what sounds mean he loves the things only I could do for him. Once Justin starts thrusting, I know he can’t hold back anymore, and I take him all the way as he screams his release.

I sat back as Justin slides into the water and follows me, sitting on my lap. We aren’t finished yet, but taking a breather. I hold on to Justin, thinking of how, with him, I never minded his need to hold me. It was always something that stood out in my mind- with Justin, nothing was ever really off limits for me. He found a way to make things I had a hard time with easier, by knowing he would do everything in his power to never hurt me. Which wasn’t something I could say about most of the people in my life. 

“What are you thinking?” Justin asks.

“That even when I didn’t say it out loud, you were the one from the beginning of us,” I tell him, pulling him closer.

EMMETT

I really wonder how Justin and Brian keep up with Patrick and his never ending list of activities. The kid not only played soccer and hockey, but ran with the track team, even though he wasn’t on the team. Somehow, I got my ass roped into running, as the kids all laughed at me for asking why put themselves through this torture.

“So what else are you going to torture me with?” I joke as he waits for me at the finish line.

“I told a friend I’d stop by and watch him practice, so we get to rest,” Patrick says, not even sounding like he just beat everyones ass on the track.

“Sitting is an exercise I can do. What are we going to be watching?” I ask, trailing behind him.

“Taylor plays football,” Patrick says, but something in the way he looks at me worries me. It was like Justin when he seemed to know something the rest of us didn’t.

“We are just going to WATCH?” I ask.

“I promise. I don’t even play since it’s not really something that interests me,” He says, sounding way too innocent.

“At least I understand this sport,” I mumble, glad when we reach the bench. “We aren’t going to sit in the bleachers?” I ask, since it didn’t look like anyone else was allowed to sit here.

“I think the coach wants me here, hoping I’ll eventually give in,” Patrick shrugs as a player thumped down next to him.

“Today is ‘Show Patrick the gods of football day’. Hi, I’m Taylor,” He says, shaking my hand before resting his head on Patrick’s shoulder. “Do you think I could come over and eat with you?” Taylor asks Patrick.

“Who told?” Patrick asks.

“Please! Carl and Deb came by to say hi, after that it was a given that the good stuff was at your house,” Taylor jokes.

“Fine. But my dads will kill you if you eat all the lasagna this time,” Patrick warns him.

“Dude, you helped. My uncle agreed by the way,” Taylor teases, kissing Patrick’s head and running off.

“What did his uncle agree to?” I ask, completely confused.

“They think he can encourage me to play for the team. They don’t get why I won’t play since I’m good at it. So they think Taylor’s uncle might change my mind.” He tells me.

“In what way?” I ask.

“He’s about the sport, not the fame that comes with it. It’s how I view what I want to do. I have to love what I’m doing, and with football, that gets lost in the popularity of the sport. They start losing the reason they’re really here, and I never want to lose the part of me who plays because I love what I’m doing. It’s something my dad taught me, to do what you love for no other reason than you love it,” Patrick tells me.

“Justin was always like that, he didn’t do anything to get attention. Which only caused him to get it for doing everything well,” I tell him.

“He never got upset when I didn’t want to be an artist,” Patrick says while watching the guys practice.

“Why didn’t you?” I ask, curious.

“I just never needed to create the way my dad does, and sports gives me what painting gives him. When I told him, he helped me to find my own canvas to express myself,” Patrick says, smiling. 

“Why are we here if you know you don’t see this as one of your canvases?” I ask.

“Love makes you do strange things,” Patrick says, looking at Taylor.

“Does Taylor know?” I ask.

“Yes, and the feeling is mutual,” He tells me.

“Are you two hiding it?” I ask, not sure since Taylor didn’t act like he was.

“No. Everyone pretty much knows,” He says, biting his thumb.

“Are you afraid of what Justin and Brian will think, because I’m thinking they don’t know,” I comment.

“I just want to be sure before I tell them. They’ve spent my life showing me about real love, and until I met Taylor, no one made me feel what I’ve seen all my life with them. When I tell my dads’ I want them to know that Taylor gives me what they give each other. Which he does, and I don’t want to mess it up, and possibly lose the guy who could be the love of my life. So Taylor and I agreed to take things slowly and not give up even when things aren’t perfect,” Patrick says, looking at me to see if I understand what he’s trying to say.

“Sometimes love isn’t enough,” I tell him.

“Why?” Patrick asks.

“Life gets in the way,” I tell him.

“Why let it get in the way? If you really love someone, it means finding a way to keep them, even if it’s sitting on the sidelines while they shine. Something Taylor does for me, and I do by sitting on this bench, refusing to play a game he loves,” Patrick tells me.

“Why would it matter if you played?” I asked.

“I don’t love it, but I love him enough to want to be there for his victories. For us, winning doesn’t matter as much as knowing the other one is there to cheer. That makes everything better. I guess at the end of the day, love is enough to get you through, don’t you think?” Patrick asks.

“I don’t know. I think sometimes you let it go before it becomes something else,” I say, thinking of why I walked away from a relationship.

“I just don’t see how you could if you really deep in your heart love someone. My dads kept trying, no matter how many things got in their way. I know they split up for a while, but it didn’t last because loving each other didn’t stop just because the other did something that hurt them. It’s something Da told me. That he still paid for my Dad’s school even when my Dad left him. Da told me, caring and loving someone shouldn’t stop even when things get broken between you.” He says, sounding like he was giving me advice.

“You know about Drew?” I ask.

“Yeah. My dads talked about it. I figured it might be easier on you if you didn’t end up face to face the first time at the monster wedding,” Patrick says, looking guilty.

“Who is Taylor’s uncle?” I ask, wondering if coming here was a set-up.

Patrick turned, looking up at someone behind us. I didn’t have to look to know who it was. I sat there ready to kiss and kill the little sneak. When Drew’s strong hands rested on my shoulders it felt like I’d found something I missed. Patrick took off, giggling like a loon for leaving me here with the one that got away. Drew’s leg came into view first as he went to sit next to me. He didn’t pull his other leg over, just sat there staring at me. I kept watching Patrick, not wanting to find out that maybe I was really over Drew. Maybe the reason I couldn’t get over him wasn’t because he was the one, but because we ended without really starting. 

“What are you afraid of?” Drew asks, when I was still looking anywhere but at him.

“That I’m wasting my life trying to make others live up to you,” I say, while looking at his leg.

“I know I did, because no one ever made me willing to face myself and admit who I was but you,” Drew says, pulling my face to look at him.

“How many others did it take?” I ask.

“None of them. But I wasn’t ready to face what you meant to me, so I took the out you gave me and ran. I’m not willing to keep running from the truth, are you?” Drew asks.

“What’s the truth?” I ask, needing him to tell me.

“That no matter how fast I ran or how many wins I managed, none of it gave me what being with you did. It didn’t matter how many guys came and went in my life, in the end they weren’t you. They didn’t see me, they saw everything else that surrounded me. You only saw me, and now I’m hoping that we can both stop running away from each other.” He tells me.

“I have cats, four of them,” I say, completely lost at what to say to him.

“And?” He asks, showing me I lost him.

“You’ll have to love them too. They need to know that if they love you, it’s real and lasting,” I say, using them to tell him what I need.

“Do you know what I see when I look at Patrick and Taylor?” He asks, not trying to make sense of my ramblings.

“What?” I ask.

“I see what we could have been if we hadn’t let other things get in our way,” He tells me.

“Drew, you never had time to experiment. I couldn’t get in the way of that,” I tell him.

“You were right. I needed to explore the world, because I wasn’t ready yet.” He agrees.

“What makes you think we could make it work?” I ask.

“I never could love anyone else, you owned me from the beginning. I tried, but like you said, they couldn’t live up to the one man I shouldn’t have let get away from me. You,” Drew says, pulling me to him and kissing me.

I stopped him after a minute with a question. “How come Brian and Justin don’t know about Taylor and Patrick?”

“They know. Why do you think they don’t?” He asks, still holding my face in his hands.

“That little stinker lied. But how come I haven’t seen Taylor around?” I ask.

“We’ve been away on vacation with his parents. We just got back today. I only found out what they were planning when Taylor asked me to come here,” Drew tells me.

“So you’re not here to encourage Patrick to play football?” I ask.

“I wish I could, but Patrick’s only interest in football is watching Taylor play,” Drew says, sealing his mouth over mine again, showing me he wasn’t interested in talking anymore.

PATRICK

So I lied. My dads know about Taylor, it’s why they glared at me when I joked with Emmett about guys and girls. Dad needed me to constantly reassure him Taylor and I weren’t doing anything we weren’t ready for. Da worked with Drew on campaigns. That’s how Taylor and I ended up hanging out all the time. While my dads normally come up with great ideas, I just didn’t think their idea about having Emmett see Drew for the first time at the wedding was a winner. I mean, with the size of this wedding, Emmett could have avoided Drew. It was hard for me to understand why adults make everything so hard, and spend so many years letting stupid crap get in the way. 

It was like Drew, who always asked about Emmett, yet kept his distance, not wanting to find out that Emmett might not have loved him still. I noticed the first time Emmett met me that when he loved you, it never stopped. I thought maybe it was time they faced the fears they let get in the way. So I meddled, because Emmett deserves to have everything he tries to give to everyone else.

“You think they’ll take a breather, so we can eat?” Taylor asks, as I almost wanted to yell there were people present while Drew tried to swallow Emmett whole.

My answer cut off as my phone started going off continuously with notifications. I pulled it out, wondering what the world suddenly thought was the big thing. I started laughing so hard as the video that had gone viral gave me my first glimpse at the shithead who tried to screw up my dads’ life.

“Isn’t that Deb?” Taylor asks, wincing at Michael Novotny making an idiot of himself.

“Yep, and that’s the guy who wanted my Da and hated my Dad. He ended up married to someone else, which apparently was a mistake,” I tell him, as Michael was begging Deb and Ted to fix everything for him.

Taylor took my phone and scrolled down, pointing at the hits the video was receiving. “He’s also telling a few thousand people,” He points out, as Emmett and Drew finally get up and start walking towards us. 

Emmett looked over my shoulder as I played the video again, wanting to share the downfall with everyone. Drew scowls when he sees who is in the video, telling me Michael wasn’t his favorite person.

“I sort of want to send it to David since the asshole is part of the crap with Jenny,” Emmett says, giggling as Michael declared David a mistake. 

“Why bother? The guy is going to be ruined anyway. Hopefully, David saved for a rainy day, since nothing is worse then when the public turns on you,” Drew tells him.

“What’s funny was most of Liberty Avenue felt sorry for David when he married Michael. Hell, even I had sympathy, until David acted as though he won against Brian,” Emmett shrugs.

“Only if he had gotten Justin, or you,” Drew says, kissing Emmett again.

“Patrick and I need food, can you two stow it until we’re fed?” Taylor asks, laughing.

DAVID

I drove to work, frustrated that Michael flaked out on the brunch yesterday, causing me to make excuses for us since I didn’t need my boss to see us fighting with each other. Michael knew how important it was for us to go. Henry was finally willing to let me buy in as a partner. Instead, I had to deal with Michael throwing a tantrum, acting like the life he had with me wasn’t better than the shitty life he’d been living when I returned. I gave him a home, money, and the prestige of being part of my life. But no, once again Brian Kinney was still king in Michael’s world instead of me. Which I’m sure Deb used yesterday to make my life miserable. 

I would have stopped Michael from seeing her, but I found the article too late. God, I was jealous. But not because I knew how Michael would react. It was seeing the partner I should have wanted instead of the petulant child I ended up with. Justin Taylor came with everything that I could have wanted in a partner, except for one thing. Justin didn’t let social demands rule him, he thumbed his nose at our circle, finding his own way. Justin could have had his pick of my circle, with many wanting to be the one on his arm as he shined. I remember seeing him with Brian and enjoying the fact that Michael was trying so hard to impress Brian with our travels, only to have to watch Brian practically fucking the kid on my couch. I understood why Brian couldn’t keep his hands off of Justin; he was beautiful, and fucking smarter than everyone in the room. It wasn’t like I wanted Justin then, but I could see his potential and it was being wasted, because his only interest was in Brian fucking Kinney. 

Seeing Justin now, it made me question myself as to why I put up with Michael. I ignored all my friends when they tried to talk me out of marrying Michael. I was high off the fact that Michael finally seemed to see Brian for the low bred whore he was, and talked about all the mistakes he made walking away from our relationship. I needed the boost, since nothing was working out in Portland. My circle there turned on me, blaming me when their children, along with my son, were arrested for stealing from all of us. Their kids tried to blame Hank for the mess, claiming they didn’t know he was taking things when they invited him over. Hank assured me that they were the ones that gave him the items and wanted him to help them. Everyone turned on us, closing doors and wanting to make sure their reputations weren’t ruined, by making my son out to be the patsy for them. I just wanted a fresh start away from them and reconnected with the people who had no connection to what we left behind. So, when I ran into Michael, and he was saying everything I wanted to hear, I didn’t care that he never fit in, just that I felt validated. Now I’m stuck, since I didn’t protect myself in case it all went wrong with Michael. 

I parked my car, planning to call my lawyer after my appointments. It was time to protect myself the way my friends tried to tell me. I still don’t get why Michael didn’t see that Brian was done with him after fourteen years of ignoring him. How deluded could he really be, and what does that say about me?

I passed by reception, ignoring the nurse who tried to get my attention. Just not in the mood to flirt with him since I needed to deal with my own issues right now. Henry was waiting with Thomas in my office. Which was strange since Thomas barely left the pool unless it was to spend the money Henry generously handed him. I remember thinking Henry had no room to warn me when we all knew Thomas was only with him for the lifestyle Henry gave him. 

“We need to talk,” Henry said, barely letting me put on my coat.

“Sorry about yesterday. Family issues. While I would love to discuss what we planned, my first appointment should be waiting,” I tell him, hoping to excuse missing the talk that Henry had seemed ready to have with me.

“I doubt it,” Thomas snickered.

“You really shouldn’t be laughing about this either,” Henry said, not sounding happy with Thomas.

“Is there something going on?” I ask, since it seemed like Henry wasn’t happy with me either.

“You’d know if you hadn’t stayed in the stone ages,” Thomas says, rolling his eyes when Henry glared at him.

“I also wouldn’t be in this position if you’d thought for once,” Henry says, getting angrier.

“Am I missing something, since it seems like more than you being angry at Thomas?” I ask.

“Do me a favor, call your receptionist and ask about your appointments. Then I’ll explain the mess your husband just caused us all,” Henry orders, not asks.

Thomas actually stopped smirking at that point, almost looking sorry for me. I did what Henry asked, only to find out ten of the eleven appointments I had were canceled, and that the patients were asking for their records to be transferred to another doctor.

“I don’t understand,” I say, sitting down, waiting for one of them to explain it to me.

“Neither did I, until Thomas thought he’d share the joke he posted to every person he knew,” Henry says, still leaving me lost.

“I told you I was sorry, and that you were right. I didn’t watch all of the video, and missed what David’s mother-in-law said after Michael’s temper tantrum,” Thomas says, practically kissing Henry’s ass to try and get out of trouble.

Watching Thomas try to get out of whatever he did distracted me at first. It made me realize Michael did the same thing when he did something against me. Then I recalled what Thomas said.

“What video?” I ask, wanting to squirm when Henry turned his angry eyes on me. 

“The one where your husband seems to get upset at yesterday’s announcement of Justin Taylor getting married,” Henry says, which just pointed out again who my circle saw as important.

Thomas got up and used my computer to show me what they were talking about. I sat there, not letting my anger and embarrassment show, as Michael made me the laughing stock of Pittsburgh. It wasn’t until Deb started talking, and kept talking, that I understood everything. I sat there, once again seeing the doors closing around me, knowing they’d all run to avoid me tainting them.

“I didn’t know about any of that,” I say, trying to save myself.

“Right now, my biggest concern is that the other doctors of this clinic are losing clients left and right because it was your mother-in-law who said it. Just to put the icing on the cake, Justin Taylor’s mother stayed silent, saying she didn’t want to say anything that would cause more gossip. Which you know was her way of confirming it without outright saying anything.” Henry says, waiting for me to say something.

“It’s gossip, nothing more. Hunter sided with Michael’s ex when they separated. My mother-in-law tends to speak without getting the facts at times, something Michael unfortunately inherited,” I say, scrambling to make it sound like Deb lied.

“So, if I were to talk to this Hunter, what would he say?” Henry asks.

“He never liked me, since Michael wasn’t willing to support him after he took Ben’s side. He’d condemn me, just for that reason alone,” I tell him.

“David, this is ruining your reputation and ours,” Henry tells me.

“It would be his word against ours. Think about it, the kid is nobody. We could make it look like he was after money, and things would get back to where they were,” I say, since it’s worked before.

“That won’t work,” Thomas says, looking at me like I was scum.

“It might, if we play this right,” I say, my attention on Henry.

Henry looked over to Thomas, seeming to think about what I was saying. It gave me hope, until he shook his head before looking back at me.

“I really wanted to believe in you. Maybe I was willfully blind, thinking you were a decent upstanding man. You fooled me by supporting all the causes I valued. I guess that was just to kiss my ass the way you think Thomas does.” He says, looking at Thomas, almost as if upset for him.

“Henry, no matter what anyone thinks you know I love you,” Thomas tells him.

“It’s why I could never do what you're suggesting. Because no one deserves to have their lives trashed for being told they couldn’t be any better than a life that was forced upon them. You see, I don’t just support causes with money, but because I believe everyone deserves a chance at things we take for granted. Which Thomas helped me understand. Because at one time I was just like you and your husband, pretending to give a shit, while using my money to make everyone believe I did. Only Thomas, who deals with everyone acting like he’s there only to suit my vanity, made me open my eyes and see the people, not the charity cases I viewed them as,” Henry says, once again looking at Thomas.

“I never cared what anyone thought, just you,” Thomas tells him, before turning to me. “You see, Henry gave me a way out of that life, the one you and your husband decided couldn’t be washed off. I know most of you think he was just my way to have a lavish lifestyle, and I let you all believe it, because Henry was worth more to me than what you think of me,” Thomas tells me.

“He pays and you ride, apparently keeping him happy,” I say. Not caring, since I doubt I’ll have my job after today.

“Actually, I head up all the charities that Henry wants me to, making sure the funds go to where they should, instead of being soaked up by the cost of extravagant galas supposed to be helping the charities. It’s the reason I never liked Michael, and thought it you must have lost your mind for wanting him. You know, I tried to give Michael a chance at first, but I gave up on him when he told me we should all just spend our time and money on ourselves, instead of on useless causes. I wanted to believe Henry was right, that you were nothing like Michael, I guess I was just as blind,” Thomas tells me.

“I think Henry should worry about how it would look if anyone found out about you,” I say, willing to take them down with me.

“Go for it, since I don’t need friends who would judge Thomas for doing what he had to in order to survive, and who is now working his ass off to help others. I think we can both agree our association is at an end. I’ll even do you one last favor, I’ll let you quit before I fire you,” Henry says, getting up.

“We have an ironclad contract. Which means you have to pay me out in order to make me leave,” I say, smirking at the money he would have to pay to get rid of me.

“Yes, we do. But doesn’t that contract also state that any loss to the clinic due to your behavior, which, what Michael did directly reflects on you as his husband, voids any payout you can receive?” Thomas asks, taking me off guard, and proving that he wasn’t as airheaded as we all believed.

“It does. And since Thomas pointed that out, I plan to donate what you would have gotten as a payout to a charity of your mother-in-law’s choice.” Henry says, opening my door for him and Thomas to leave. The slamming of the door said more than anything could at what was about to happen to me. 

BRIAN

I stood by the window, watching as Lindsay sat outside smiling as she sketched for the first time. Justin was sitting next to her, talking as both of them worked together. I knew this was a win as Justin called them. I thought a lot about whether to do this again; letting her see me. I wanted her to be there when Justin and I got married, but not if she ended up getting lost again. After talking about it between other things last night, Justin and I decided to see how she reacted. I called Gus and was waiting for him to get here. Hoping that she would fight harder, the way she’d been doing since Gus started visiting her. Patrick came, wanting to support me, which just made me love my son even more.

“Sometimes I wonder what she sees when she looks at me,” Patrick says, watching her.

“I wish she’d see the gift you are to me and Justin,” I tell him.

“Maybe it’s because I don’t look like her or Sam that she never made the connection.” Patrick says, as Ian and Gus show up.

“I don’t look much like her either,” Gus tells him, putting his arm around Patrick. “Actually there are small things about you that remind me of her the way she was when I was little. When you laughed the day we met, it was how she used to laugh when things were good.”

“Da says the same thing,” Patrick says, smiling at me.

“Ready?” Gus asks me.

“What do you think?” I ask Ian, since I trusted his opinions as much as Justin’s.

“We can’t know what will happen, just that her reactions to things aren’t causing her to try to hide in her own world. If she reverts, then we’ll handle this together, because I agree it’s better to know now than with half of New York witnessing it,” Ian tells me, opening the door that hopefully wouldn’t lead Lindsay back to Neverland.

Lindsay looks up, smiling at Gus, then seems to study me as I get closer to her. She looks over at Patrick but then settles her attention on me. For a second I wanted to turn and leave, I didn’t want to see her lose herself because of me. Justin got up and held out his hand, letting Gus sit next to Lindsay. I sat next to Justin as Patrick took the chair next to me, slipping his hand into mine.

Lindsay looks confused at Patrick’s hand in mine, then for some reason focuses on Patrick.

“Are you happy?” She asks him, seeming to confuse Patrick that she was talking to him.

“Why?” Patrick asks her.

“I don’t… brown and hazel…” Lindsay says, shaking her head, before trying again with Patrick. “I need to know, are you happy?” Lindsay asks again, now with tears in her eyes.

“Lindsay?” Justin says, getting up when she starts crying hysterically.

“I need to know… please.” Lindsay begs.

Patrick looks at me, then to Ian trying to find out if he should answer. Ian took Lindsay’s face in his hands, making her focus on him. “Lindsay, what happened to the baby?” He asks.

“I didn’t take care of him,” Lindsay says, between sobs.

Dr Jacobs comes walking over as Lindsay starts getting hysterical. I couldn’t sit there any longer, watching her fall apart. I move everyone out of the way and pull her into my arms, letting her cry, needing to help her. 

“You asked if Patrick is happy. Actually he’s the light of my life. He constantly amazes me that he finds joy in everything, never letting anything spoil it for him. He doesn’t let anyone limit him, but seems to constantly want to outdo himself, for no other reason but to prove to himself he can do things. Which started from the minute he figured out that walking meant being able to reach the cookies on the table,” I whisper, holding her as she listens to me and stops crying. “I didn’t know if I could love him at first, but how could I resist him when he came from someone I love and always have. I’ve spent every day making sure he never questioned that he was loved and wanted.” 

“Why?” Lindsay whispers.

“What happened to the baby?” I ask, instead of answering her.

“I thought he died, but he didn’t… he didn’t… and I… she was right, I’m a horrible person,” Lindsay says, trying to get out of my arms.

“Lindsay, listen to me, I need you to listen to me. Nothing she said or did should have happened. I fucked up by letting her take you away when you needed me. But you found a way to do what you had to, and Patrick ended up with both Justin and me loving him for you. We loved him for you, and yes he’s happy and was able to forgive you for not being strong enough,” I say, looking at Patrick, who nods as Lindsay looks over at him.

“I’m sorry,” Lindsay says, walking over to Patrick and taking his face in her hands. 

“For what? Da is right, my life is amazing because you gave me Justin,” Patrick tells her.

“Brown, I gave you that,” Lindsay tells him, “You and Gus brown, and Brian,” She says, sounding tired. Lindsay came over to me, seeming determined to fight as she keeps repeating eye colors, adding blue in as she looks at Justin and Ian. “I love you too, Brian. I don’t want you to keep blaming yourself, I didn’t want you to know I broke my promise,”

“What promise?” I ask, as she kept trying to stay with me.

“I couldn’t be the mother I promised you,” She tells me.

“It’s not too late for that,” Gus tells her.

“But you have to be willing to stay here with us. Neverland can’t be the world we live in Wendy.” I tell her.

“Lindsay,” She said, kissing my cheek, then Gus’s, before walking over to Patrick. “I knew he could love you,” She told him, touching his cheek before walking to her doctor.

“Why did you ask her?” I ask Ian.

“I couldn’t understand why out of all the things in Justin’s life, she ignored his child,” Ian tells me.

“I thought it was because it was part of the future she didn’t want to remember,” Justin says, as if it was somehow his fault.

“She thought I died?” Patrick asks.

“That’s what it sounded like. Which might explain her unwillingness to go there in her memories,” Ian tells us.

“I don’t get what that was, she’s seen me for years, but today, how is that different?” Patrick asks.

“I don’t have a clue, but my best guess is that she couldn’t hide in her perfect world if she wanted Gus in it. The denial she lived in couldn’t stand up to her son being an adult, and whether Brian wants to admit it or not, the silver in his hair is there, when it shouldn’t have been in Lindsay’s memories,” Ian teases, trying to break the tension.

“I have no problem with my sexy silver fox,” Justin jokes, as I glare at him.

“Which is kind of gross that all my friends agree with you,” Patrick tells Justin, shaking his head when I smirk.

“Are you okay?” I ask Patrick seriously.

“I don’t know. I feel like it should have bothered me, but all I felt was sorry for her, and happy for the life I have. Does that make me a bad person?” He asks, looking at all of us.

“No, it makes it apparent that our dads gave you everything so that you didn’t miss the things you didn’t have,” Gus says, smiling at me and Justin.

“I think I’ll stay with Justin,” Ian tells us.

“Trying to be a miracle worker?” Gus asks him.

“For you, always,” Ian says, walking away with Justin.

“So, any chance you guys want to go to Coney Island?” Patrick asks.

“Why?” Gus asks.

“Dude, all I have to say is Hot Dog Eating contest. Seriously, I need to win that,” Patrick tells us.

“What I do for my sons,” I say, thinking the gym and I were about to become best friends when I win, Patrick and Justin didn’t get to have all the fun.