Gus laid next to me staring at the ceiling. He couldn’t sleep but he wasn’t running out to drink or party, so it finally felt like we were getting back on track. He’s my whole world, even though I spent the first year after we met when he was nineteen trying to convince him that I wasn’t going to be the love of his life. I really couldn’t figure out why some nineteen-year-old kid would be interested in a thirty-one year old man. We were at different points in life; I was no longer into the club scene, or the idea of partying till dawn. Only, Gus was persistent, and in truth extremely hard to resist. He kept showing up and eventually I gave in, and fell in love with the heart, not the face. My friends all warned me that eventually Gus would want someone younger. They even pointed out that Gus was going out without me, with younger guys. I reminded them it was my fault he was because I thought he should go out and make sure I was what he wanted. I didn't gloat when three years later we were still together. Which was something none of them could claim since they’d been in and out of relationships during that time with people our age. 

The thing was they all noticed was that Gus really didn’t drink or really bother to go out as much as his friends did. Which was why the last few weeks left me confused. It wasn’t the Gus I’d been in love with the last three years. 

Sitting there listening to Brian and Justin, I could see the strain on Gus. He was discovering that most of the people in his life had lied to him. I could understand how Brian and Justin thought they were protecting Gus, but he wasn’t a child and deserved the truth a long time ago. So I wasn’t thrilled with them, but knew they really believed they were doing the right thing. Because of that I couldn't fault them, but with Mel, it was different in my eyes. She wanted Gus to hate Lindsey for leaving. Not for leaving him, but for leaving Mel. She loves Gus, but her love comes with the condition that he is solely loyal to her. It's why she doesn't care much for me or Brian, we love Gus only wanting his love in return. 

“I’m trying to wrap my head around everything. It’s like everything I thought I knew wasn’t exactly how I thought it was. Why did Mel make it sound like my mother abandoned me?” Gus mumbled against my chest. I knew one thing if nothing else, Gus wasn’t going to listen to Mel, now that he didn’t call her Mama.

“Since she’s not a fan of me, any more than I am of her, my opinion would be biased.” I told him.

“Biased or not I want to hear it, because you never expect me to do anything other than hear a second point of view.” Gus whispered. 

“I want you to deal with this the way you want to, not based off anything I say.” I tell him, waiting for his nod. “My observations, and my opinion doesn’t mean you have to agree.” I tell him.

“I know you thinks she’s interfering.” Gus said, waiting.

“That’s normal for any parent. What isn't is how she expects, almost demands, you and Jenny to live the way she tells you. If she doesn’t agree with you, then she withdraws all her support unless you fall in line with her wants. When you don’t, she refuses to acknowledge anything that proves you disobeyed her and she was wrong. Which, hearing what happened with your mother, shows you an example of what I’m talking about. Mel didn’t want her to have Patrick and when Lindsay couldn’t give her what she wanted she threw your mother out of her life and took everything away from her. She made sure you saw it the way that made her the better mother, and then acted like Lindsay didn’t exist anymore for you or Jenny. I just don’t get why she moved you away before doing it.” I tell him.

“If they’d stayed in Pittsburgh Mel couldn’t have gotten away with doing what she did to my mom. My Dad visited a lot and he would have gotten my mother out of there and made sure she got help. By moving, no one but Jenny and I saw what it was doing, and neither of us was old enough to understand what was going on, much less say anything. Michael and Ben would, but at that point, Ben seemed like he just didn’t want to be involved in their problems, since apparently he was already having his own. She found an ally in Michael, who never liked my mother.” Gus told me.

“Why? I thought they were all friends?” I asked.

“My dad considered my mom and Michael his best friends. Mom was normally nice to Michael but he really didn’t like her because he wasn’t included in my mom’s friendship with my dad. Dad said Michael hated when the conversation revolved around things only my mom knew about since she was there for it and Michael wasn’t. My parents met when they were in college, and Michael was left behind since he didn’t go any further than high school.” Gus told me.

“It’s sounds like he was just jealous of anyone or anything that could take your dad away from him.” I told him.

“I think it was more that if he couldn’t use you to get something from my dad he didn’t have any use for you. Once that happened you got to see the real person he is. He saw me as a way to keep my dad from walking away, but when I couldn’t get my dad to agree to anything he wanted, he treated me like the enemy.” Gus tells me.

“Do you think your dad and Justin have anything to worry about if he finds out about them?” I ask.

“I doubt it. Michael wouldn’t want it to look like his life wasn’t going the way he wants everyone to think it does. When my dad finally put his foot down, Michael twisted it around to him being tired of putting up with my dad. He made it seem like my dad was the bad guy. At first, Emmett and Ted acted like they believed Michael. Deb and Carl didn’t, but they knew the truth.” Gus said.

“Why didn’t they say anything?” I ask.

“I don’t know for sure, but if Ted is right, it was SOP for them. My dad might not have cared what any of them thought anymore.” Gus shrugged.

“He included Emmett when he said he wanted to marry Justin.” I tell him.

“I wonder why they never did get married, it’s not like they would have had to tell anyone.” Gus said, starting to fall asleep.

“I don’t think your dad could do it until he was honest with you.” I tell him.

“Like he was when he knew where my mom was all this time? Or the fact that he was playing house with Justin without telling me?” Gus asks, waking back up.

“He thought he was protecting you in both cases. Before you say anything, it was wrong, but he was in a no-win situation. He couldn’t hurt you but he couldn’t be without Justin either. So he lived two different lives to keep both you and Justin in his. How would you have reacted if he told you about Justin?” I ask.

“I don’t know. But if it was what he wanted, I want to say I would have been an adult and respected his decision. But my actions in the last couple of weeks said I wouldn’t have been.” Gus admitted.

“How would you have reacted to Patrick and your mother?” I ask.

“I would have hated him for knowing where she was.” Gus says, avoiding the real question.

“And Patrick?” I ask.

“Does it make me an asshole to say I would have wished he wasn’t around?” Gus responds, phrasing it like a question.

“No. It makes you human. But you need to get it through your head that Patrick didn’t choose to be born.” I tell him.

“It’s what I might have thought before, but now I just wonder how he deals with being invisible to my mom.” Gus says, chewing on his lip.

“He doesn’t have anything to compare it to, the way you do. At one time, you had her, and for you the loss was felt. All he knows is a woman who lives in a past he wasn’t a part of.” I tell him.

“Do you like him?” Gus asks.

“From what I’ve seen, he’s turned out to be a good kid, but I don’t really know him that well.” I tell him.

“I don’t know how to feel about her or anyone else who knew.” Gus admits.

“They were wrong to not tell you all this time, but in the end I think they thought it would hurt you less.” I tell him.

“Maybe they were right, because the idea that she wouldn’t know me does hurt. I still don’t know how to feel about what she did. I mean, I understand she wasn’t in any shape to be my mother, but I still deserved the right to know she didn’t just one day decide I wasn’t what she wanted.” He tells me.

“When you think about it, she didn’t forget you were in her life. Instead, her mind is stuck in a place where you never grew up. It sounds like she stayed in a time when things weren’t bad for her.” I tell him.

“I know that some time after I was born Mel cheated on her and they eventually got back together, then Mel had Jenny and they split up during that time. That’s when Mom got pregnant with Patrick.” Gus tells me.

“They probably should have ended the relationship the first time they broke up. Most couples don’t come back from cheating.” I tell him.

“My dad got them back together by signing his rights to me over to Mel. Michael told me my mom was planning to marry a guy who needed a green card. Apparently, one of the problems Mel had was that my mom depended too much on my dad and he balked at signing his rights away when they expected him to.” He tells me.

“So they didn’t really work things out. Mel just got what she wanted, while your dad had to do something he didn’t want.” I tell him.

“Mel blamed that on Justin after Mom left. She wasn’t happy when Dad got my mom’s rights to me. She and Michael both told me Justin talked my dad out of it, and caused just as many problems between Mom and Mel.” He tells me.

“Or he made your dad face that he didn’t want to give you up in the first place. Brian told me that when you were put in his arms, he knew what love was. I doubt he could mask it, and Justin’s always been good at reading people.” I tell him.

“I didn’t expect him to forgive me as easily as he did.” Gus tell me.

“I think he was just waiting for you to want him in your life. He never really left you, just gave you what you asked of him.” I tell him.

“Is it strange that I’m more upset with my dad for not telling me about my mom than I am with Justin?” He asks.

“No. Because you didn’t want to hear anything from him, so you couldn’t be mad at him for not telling you. If you’re mad at Brian or Mel, that’s more understandable. They both knew something that might have helped you deal with losing your mom. I’ll say it again, I think Brian just didn’t want to hurt you more.” I tell him, not saying anything about Mel.

“While Mel was happy to make it look like my mother abandoned us.” Gus says, knowing exactly what I wasn’t saying. “I don’t want to think about it anymore, but I need to say one thing.”

“What?” I ask.

“Thanks for not giving up on me.” He says, getting closer before finally falling asleep.

GUS

Ian wanted to go see my mother and I asked him to let me meet my brother alone. It wasn’t because I didn’t want Ian with me, just that I felt like I needed to do this on my own. Justin left his address for me, and told me to come over when I was ready. I had to keep reminding myself that none of this was Patrick’s fault. On the way over, Mel started calling, and right now I know talking to her wouldn’t go very well, so I ignore her. 

Parking in front of the house, I saw Patrick standing outside the door. I feel paralyzed. The minute I talked to Patrick everything became real. The lies in my past, my mother's lost state of mind, and a brother who I never knew. Did I really want to open this door? The knocking on my passenger car window made the decision for me. Patrick was pointing at the door waiting for me to unlock it. Which ended up being easier, since he made the first move.

“I thought it would be easier if we hung out without everyone around.” He tells me. 

“I don’t know what to say to you.” I tell him. 

“You really don’t have to say anything. Other than sharing your mother, we don’t really have any reason to have to know each other. I’ll tell you right now, you say anything about my dad and I’ll beat the shit out of you for thinking you have the right to keep hurting him.” Patrick tells me.

“She’s your mother too. And trust me, I know I made a mistake the way I treated Justin.” I tell him.

“She’s really not. Giving birth to me doesn’t make her anything meaningful to me.” Patick shrugs.

“It doesn’t bother you?” I ask, starting the car, after really looking at Patrick.

He didn’t look like my mother. His hair was curly brown, brown eyes, and overall good looking in a way that at first you didn’t see. I tried to see if he was lying about how he felt about Mom, but he didn’t seem to care.

“Have you seen her?” I ask.

“When I was younger, but Da started coming when my dad would go, so I stopped having to go unless I asked. I went a couple times out of curiosity, but she was only interested in talking to my dad, not me. I was lucky, I didn’t need her because Dad gave me all the love she couldn’t.” Patrick tells me.

“I just remember her hugs and the way she was always there, until she wasn’t.” I tell him.

“You should have just remembered the good things, the other stuff just sounds like a reason to get depressed. Think about it, you’d get hurt for something she couldn’t help.” Patrick tells me.

“Any place you want to go?” I ask, backing out, thinking the kid… my brother, was right.

“Want to get lunch? Da gave me money and told me to tell you I eat like Dad.” Patrick laughed, and in that I saw my mother’s carefree laughter from when I was little.

“Grandma Deb used to say she’d have to do extra shopping to feed Justin.” I said smiling at the memory.

“She cooks like a ton of stuff, and fills our freezers for us when she visits with my Nana.” Patrick tells me.

“They didn’t tell me Grandma Deb knows too.” I tell him.

Patrick turned to look out the window before responding. “About me, sure. I think she knows about Da too, but she stays out of it. Hey, since we’re talking Italian, how about going somewhere to eat that?” I got the feeling that actually bothered him, since all he said the rest of the way to the restaurant was directions.

We ended up at a small restaurant where the owner hugged Patrick, and told us to find a place and while they start Patrick’s order. I asked for whatever Patrick was getting, since I didn’t want to waste time trying to make a decision. The owner looked me, waiting, as if trying to decide if I was serious, then shrugged before walking away.

“We need a bigger table.” Patrick told the waitress, who nodded, agreeing.

The waitress brought us drinks, messed up Patrick’s hair and told us the appetizers would be ready soon, before walking off, leaving us to sit there. It took a minute for me to think of something to ask, after the way the Deb question went over.

“So you call my Dad, Da?” I ask, not being able to come up with anything else.

“He told me to.” Patrick says, sounding defensive.

“I think I used to call him that when I was little, so that’s probably why he told you to. Was he always part of your life?” I ask, hoping he saw I wasn’t angry about him calling my dad his too.

“Only after I started talking and walking. Before that Da wasn’t sure if he wanted to be part of my life.” He tells me.

“He told you that?” I ask.

“They both stick to the truth when it comes to my life.” He tells me, which stung.

“At least they told someone the truth.” I snap.

“Did you really want to know it? I mean, nothing would have changed except that you knew my birth changed your life.” Patrick asks, not upset at my reaction.

“I would have at least known why she left.” I tell him.

“Would it have changed the fact that she left you and how that made you feel? Before you answer that, really think about it. She wasn’t the mother you once knew, and you were what, six, when it happened? I doubt it would have made it easier on you, and that was all Da was trying to do. It’s the reason it took him almost a year to want to be in my life, because it would hurt you. You can be angry at not knowing, but get it through your head they were trying to protect you from hurting even more.” Patrick tells me, looking ready to argue with me.

“Until now I always thought my father told me the truth. Now I'm finding out the truth, and none of it was what I thought. Can I be angry for that? The woman who raised me let her own selfish feelings get in the way of what I was going through. I fucked up my relationship with Justin, because I thought he didn’t care about me the way he used to.” I tell him.

“Yeah, and listened to a guy who never acted interested in you, until he got my dad out of the way. You treated my dad like shit for years, even though he tried to be there when he could. I guess we could put that as my fault, since I was the reason he couldn’t cater to you.” Patrick snorts.

“None of this was your fault.” I tell him.

“Did you practice saying that?” Patrick asks sounding like he didn’t believe me.

“I didn’t blame you when I knew my mom was pregnant with you, even when our household turned hostile over it.” I tell him, but decided he deserved the honesty he was giving me. “I hated the relationship I saw between you and Justin, but only because I saw what I gave up so carelessly. Ian asked me last night, and for a minute I thought my life would have been easier if you hadn’t been born. But it wouldn’t have changed the fact that Mel and my mom kept trying to keep a relationship going that ended a long time before Mom met Sam.” I tell him.

“She picked a winner in that one.” Patrick said sarcastically.

“Have you met him?” I asked.

“At one of my dad’s shows. He came around trying to act like Dad owed him something for letting him adopt me. When that didn’t work he stopped trying to get to know me. Which I never wanted anyway, since I saw right through him.” Patrick tells me.

“Did Justin tell you he tried to introduce us sooner?” I ask.

“Yeah. But I was too little at that time and likely wouldn’t have remembered it. He was trying to do it for you, more than me.” He tells me.

“Even when I was being a shit to him.” I say, not willing to let myself go for my part. “I still feel bad about how he lost everyone.”

“If he tried to keep in contact with everyone, it wouldn’t have been easy on any of them. Plus, I think he was just tired of it.” Patrick tells me.

“He’s the only one who ended up somewhat happy out of all of them. Emmett and Ted both lost their boyfriends, and my dad finally figured out Michael wasn’t worth the bullshit that came with him.” I tell him.

“You expect my dad to be upset because they screwed up their lives?” Patrick asks, smiling as the waitress started piling plates on the table.

“Good God.” I said, not sure if I was impressed or intimidated by what Patrick could eat.

“This is just the appetizers.” He jokes.

We rolled out of the restaurant, making me joke that Justin probably had to take out loans just to feed Patrick. Patrick smirked, saying during soccer season he ate even more. Ian texted me to see where I was and I texted back saying I was going to take Patrick home and visit with Justin and Dad. He texted he’d meet me there. I wanted to call Jenny and tell her about Patrick but I knew she’d end up telling Mel and I just didn’t want to deal with her yet. We got to the house and a couple of guys were waiting in the front.

“I had plans to do things today but I wanted to meet you. I can tell my friends no if you want me to stay.” Patick tells me.

“I’m going to be around, so go have fun. I need time to make it up to Justin anyway.” I tell him.

“He doesn’t expect you to, he’s just been happy you were willing to let it go. If you need me, I can come back, just call.” Patrick tells me, taking my phone and putting his number in, before dialing himself.

IAN

I was glad that Gus understood why I wanted to see Lindsay alone. I wanted to be able to prepare him for whatever the situation was. Her doctor, Jacobs, took me out to the garden area, where Lindsay was sitting by herself. We talked about her condition, and while there was progress, she still had setbacks. He warned me if I upset her he’d end the talk. I explained to him it was only so I knew if it would be okay for both her and Gus if they met. I wasn’t here to do anything but make sure it wouldn’t be detrimental to both of them.

I took a minute to watch her, and couldn’t really see much of Gus in the blond woman before me. The only thing I could see were Gus’s brown eyes, the rest was Brian. She looked over at us and smiled, but it was slightly vacant. I walked over and sat when she waved to the chairs next to her. Lindsay was still a beautiful woman, and was aging gracefully. Which told me that Brian and Justin made sure she was taken care of all these years.

“It’s such a nice day, isn’t it?” She asked, then waited for me to say something.

“I’m Ian Holdings, by the way, and you’re right, it is. How are you doing?” I asked.  

 “Do we know each other?” She asked, not answering my question.

“I’m friends with Justin and Brian. I wanted to meet you.” I told her, not willing to say anything about Gus yet.

“I haven’t seen my Peter in a while.” She sighed.

“Justin said you’ve been doing better.” I told her, wanting to steer her away from Brian.

“I wish I was, then I could see my Lambskin.” She said, looking upset.

I’d read the notes and saw where the doctor noted that Lindsay could sometimes acknowledge the passage of time. It also let me know that Lambskin was Gus to her. “Would you want to see Gus?” I asked.

“Did Justin tell you how he sided with me on Gus’s name?” She asked instead.

“Gus told me. He said it was either the dreaded Abraham or Gus.” I told her.

“And Justin said Gus, since he wouldn’t survive a day in school being named Abraham, but that Gus was nice.” She said smiling at the memory, then looked away from me before asking. “Are you a new doctor?”

“No, he’s just here to meet you.” Doctor Jacobs told her.

“I’m actually here because I need to make it so Gus can understand what your dealing with.” I told her, looking to her doctor to make sure he was okay with what I said, he nodded when Lindsay smiled at me.

“I miss him. But it’s hard for me to believe it when they tell me how much time has gone by. I want to, but it’s easier not to believe it.” She told me.

“Why?” Dr Jacobs asked.

“Because I left him, and I don’t know why I did it. I loved him more than anyone, but I can’t figure out why I left.” She told us.

“We talked about why you came here, do you remember?” Dr Jacobs asked.

“Yes, but it doesn’t make sense when everything was going okay.” She answered him, then looks at me. “Do you know?” She asked me.

“I wish I could give you those answers, because I don’t know if seeing Gus would be a good idea until you have them.” I told her, thinking about what it might do to both of them if she saw a grown man, not the child she left when she couldn’t go on.

“Is he angry at me?” She asked, sounding hurt.

“He isn’t angry, just confused. While your world stood still his didn’t.” I told her.

“Who are you to Gus?” She asked.

Jacobs took over since I promised to let him when it came to explaining the present tense for her. “Remember how we talked about it being fifteen years? Well, that means Gus is twenty-one now and Ian is Gus’s partner.” 

Lindsay took a minute, looking away from us, absorbing the words. “It’s easy to believe your wrong, because when I see Justin, he still looks like he did when we met. I want to believe I didn’t miss everything in Gus’s life, but I did, didn’t I?” She asked.

“He had a good life, and he wants the same for you.” I told her.

“Did Brian do that for him?” She asked, grabbing my hands as if desperate to hear me tell her yes.

“He made sure Gus was loved.” I told her.

“What about Justin? He loved Gus like he was his too. Justin tries to tell me about Gus, but it gets confusing.” She told me.

“I’m not sure what to tell her.” I said, looking at Dr Jacobs.

“The truth, and we’ll deal with it if it causes a problem.” He told me.

“For a while Gus didn’t want anything to do with Justin, but it’s getting better now.” I told her, watching to make sure she didn’t get upset.

“That doesn’t make sense. Justin would have done anything to make Gus happy. What happened?” She asked.

I kept to the truth, and hoped it would give me an idea of what she went through with Michael and Mel. “When Justin went to get you, Mel and Michael made it sound like you left Gus, without giving him a reason for why it happened. Michael managed to get Gus to think that all their lives would be better without Justin in it.” 

“That bastard couldn’t just screw up Brian’s life, but mine and Gus’s. Why would Mel let him do that to our son?” Lindsay asked.

“Because you left her.” I told her, when Dr Jacobs waited for me to answer.

“She wanted me… what did she want… I tried everything to make it up to her… no, wait, she got tired of us, I remember.” Lindsay said, as if she was trying not to remember it.

“Tired of who?” Dr Jacobs asked.

“Oh God… she wanted me to kill… but I couldn’t and I...” Lindsay said, crying hard.

“What did you do?” Dr Jacobs asked.

“Called Justin. Because he wouldn’t judge me or hurt me.” Lindsay said through her tears, then seemed to forget everything with her next words. “I have to get going, I have a lot to get done if the GLC is going to ready.” She said, standing up and walking to the nurse waiting behind us.

I waited until she was gone to talk to Dr Jacobs. “Does she do that, remember, then go back to the past?” I asked.

“When she remembers something difficult, she goes back to before it happened. I would like to see how she reacts to Gus, but not if you feel like it would hurt him in any way.” He told me.

“Have you suggested this to Brian and Justin before?” I asked.

“We’ve talked about it, but before, it was more about Gus’s age than anything. We also weren’t sure if it would help or hinder any progress she sometimes makes. I don’t think we’ll ever get her back to where she can take care of herself, but she can’t continue to deny things just to make it easier on herself. Over the years, I’ve worked with Justin about not letting her believe the past is still where she is, and she doesn’t fight him when he corrects her.” He told me.

“But with Brian she’s resistant?” I asked.

“She only refers to him as Peter, and only remembers up to Gus’s birth when it comes to him. A couple of times she’s gotten to where Mel cheated on her and Brian was there to help her, but she backs away from anything beyond it. She’s repressing anything that doesn’t say she was happy.” He told me.

“Was she like this when Justin brought her here?” I asked.

“She was suffering from severe depression, and hardly spoke to anyone. Justin had to be in the sessions just to get Lindsay to talk at first. Over time, she trusted me, but only because Justin asked her to. A lot of what I know about what brought her to us came from Justin, but only because Lindsay didn’t seem to remember any of it. Her mind wouldn’t allow her to remember, but took her back to a time where the things that brought her here weren’t there anymore. She sometimes seems to break through the mist covering her memories and says things like she just did, but then she goes backwards.” He told me.

“I’m worried seeing Gus might have her thinking he’s Brian, they look that much alike. Gus is close to the age where she and Brian were friends in college. Although, their looks aside, they really aren’t much alike in mannerisms, which could confuse her more.” I told him.

“Hopefully that would be enough to stop her from trying to go to Wonderland, and maybe see that hiding from the world that hurt her left the child she loves without his mother.” He told me.

“If it doesn’t harm Gus than we’ll consider trying it.” I told him. Then I got up and texted Gus.

BRIAN

I watch out the window as Patrick introduces Gus to his soccer team before going with them, leaving Gus standing outside the house. I wasn’t sure how to feel about him seeing the house I shared with Justin, while letting him believe I lived somewhere else. I’m tired of the secrets, and hiding Justin. I did to protect Gus, and at the time I believed I was protecting him. I know it was because I didn’t want him hating me for loving Patrick too. 

Justin got up and went to go get Gus when he only stared at the door, not knocking or coming in. I waited until they walked in, letting Gus decide if he was still angry at me or not. He tried not to show it last night, but I saw that I let him down.

“Ian’s coming.” He tells us, then wanders around looking at the pictures Justin put everywhere. “Where did you get the ones of me?” He asks us.

“Deb and your dad. I wanted Patrick to know what you looked like.” Justin tells him.

“How did you manage to keep him fed?” Gus jokes.

“I painted a lot!” Justin jokes back.

“I wanted to hate him, you know. He just makes it as hard as you do.” Gus tells Justin.

“He didn’t want to like you either, but I made sure he understood you were hurt and I was okay that you took it out on me. He couldn’t understand what you had been going through, because he didn’t lose his mother the way you did.” Justin tells him.

“It really doesn’t bother him?” I ask.

“We made sure he wouldn’t feel it, by not lying to him the way we did you.” I tell him.

“Ian and I spent a lot of time talking about it last night. I was more upset that you felt like you had to lie to me. I’ve always wanted you to be happy, but I can’t say I wouldn’t have acted like an ass about you and Justin if you had told me. I can’t even say how I would have reacted to Patrick, when you wanted to tell me that summer. So I’m going to try to let it go and deal with now as best as I can. I’m still hurt by what you did, but I’m going to do what my brother said, worry about now and leave all the things that hurt where they belong.” Gus tells me.

“We can do that, and from this moment on I won’t keep things from you.” I promise him.

“Are you going to tell everyone about Justin and Patrick?” I ask.

“Ted and Emmett. Since I don’t see any reason they shouldn’t know. I think Ted might already know, but he’s smart enough not to say anything.” I tell him.

“What about Cynthia?” I ask.

“She’s always known, but then she was friends with Justin, and not Michael.” I tell him.

“Mel’s been calling me, why, I don’t know.” I tell him.

“Jenny’s pissed because Mel wants to move to Florida to be closer to her family. Mel wants you to go with them, so Jenny will agree to go.” I tell him.

“How do you know?” He asks.

“Deb called upset about it, saying they should just move to Pittsburgh, but Mel won’t listen to her.” I tell him, as Ian comes in.

“When did Mel decided that, and why would she think I’d agree? I don’t live with them anymore.” Gus says, looking confused.

 “She doesn’t want you staying with me.” Ian said, shaking his head.

“She still won’t believe it’s more than a crush for Gus.” Justin said, rolling his eyes.

“She likely won’t believe it even when I marry Ian.” Gus told him.

“The same way she’ll think it’s my fault when I marry your father.” Justin told him.

I walked over to Justin to make him look at me. He’d refused to get married even after it was legalized, yet now he made it sound like he was finally agreeing. “Tell me.” I demand.

“Okay.” He smirks.

“Say it.” I ordered.

“Yes. I will marry you.” He tells me, leaning in to kiss me.

GUS

“It never changes. You don’t want to see your parents make out.” I stopped for a second to think about what I just said to Ian. Yes, even with the years passing, these two were my parents.

“We need to talk about your mom.” Ian told me, ignoring my dads.

That brought my dad out of his happy place, and into the present with me.

“How did it go?” Dad asks Ian.

“Back and forth. Dr Jacobs said he suggested bring Gus to see her in the past.” Ian tells him.

“Neither of us were sure it would be good for Gus, not when he was still too young to understand what was going on. After what happened that summer, I knew Mel would fight me on anything to do with Justin and Lindsay.” He tells us.

“You were willing to go against her that summer.” Gus reminds me.

“We were. But after what happened, I was dealing with Michael, and Justin wasn’t willing to push when it came to you.” I tell him.

“I didn’t want you to hurt Patrick, and your mom ended up getting worse while I was gone. But it doesn’t excuse us waiting this long.” Justin tells me.

“What do you think about me seeing her?” I ask Ian.

“I honestly don’t know if it would be good for her. She might not be willing to believe you’re Gus. For a minute, she seemed to try to remember what caused her to leave, but then she started talking about the GLC.” Ian tells me.

“Even if she can’t acknowledge who I am, I still want to see her.” I decide.

“What about Mel?” Dad asks me.

“I’ll do to her what she does to everyone else when she doesn’t like what they do. I’ll refuse to acknowledge she exists.” I tell him.

“There’s nothing like karma.” Dad says, smiling a little.