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BRIAN

 

With Gus wanting time to deal with how he felt, I decided to go to Pittsburgh and talk to Emmett and Ted in person. I wasn’t really worried about how Ted would take the news. Over the years, he supported me, over Mel. I doubted he would really give a shit one way or the other about me and Justin still being together. Ted really didn’t give a shit about much outside of work anymore. I didn’t interfere or try to help him with what happened with Blake, but only because he needed to be the one to fight for his relationship the same way I did with mine. Blake was still around, but without Ted even trying, Blake didn’t see the point in it. I only know because I asked Blake what finally broke them, wanting to see if it was something that could help me. Blake didn’t blame anyone, just simply said the things he needed from Ted weren’t the same things that Ted seemed to need to be happy. Justin needed to come before my friends, yet he couldn’t always depend on me putting him before Michael’s needs, which is what Blake wouldn’t say. I asked Justin why he didn’t tell me when Michael first sent the piece of trash to him, and he told me that was between him and Michael. He also said that when it came to Michael, he tried not to put me in the middle of their problems with each other. It didn’t make me happy that Justin tried to handle it by ignoring Michael since Michael met the end of my fist for saying what he said about Justin at the anniversary party. But it also brought home how much I let Michael get away with throughout our friendship, and while I supported him, I didn’t always support Justin the way I should have. 

 

In a way, Justin telling me it was over also made me really pay attention to the things I ignored about Michael. Justin wasn’t there to smooth things over and being around Michael longer than it took to hang out at Woody’s and Babylon made me see he didn’t give me half of what Justin could. When I finally kicked Michael out of my house, it wasn’t just about Gus, but needing to get on with my life. I wasn’t willing to be miserable just to make Michael happy. Only, in a way, I let Michael keep his illusions that he ruined any chance Justin and I could be together. It’s why I don’t plan to ask any of our friends to keep it to themselves that Justin and I are together. I also think Mel needs to deal with the damage she did to Gus and to hear that she was wrong about everything she wanted to believe about my relationship with Justin. So for once, I’m telling Ted the truth about all of it, and not caring if it gets back to everyone. Justin and Patrick don’t deserve to have to live in the shadows of my life.

 

Cynthia didn’t blink an eye at me showing up when I planned to be in New York this week. She did laugh when the other employees started trying to look busy at seeing me. Ted came out of his office, only looking confused that I was standing there.

 

“Did we have a meeting no one told me about?” Ted asked.

 

“I needed to talk to you about a few things, with us moving to the New York office, there are things I can’t keep from you anymore,” I tell him, as I head to my office.

 

Ted followed me, with Cynthia coming in behind him. “Do you want me to call the department heads too?” She asks.

 

“No. This is personal and I want to make sure Ted knows what’s going on before he stumbles over it.” I tell her.

 

“Is this about...?” Cynthia asked without saying anything, in case it wasn’t what she thought I was going to talk to Ted about.

 

“It’s time. Gus knows.” I tell her, and she smiled before walking back out.

 

I left Ted sitting there while I sent an email out, wanting to deal with everything today so I could get back home. Gus planned on seeing Lindsay tomorrow and I wanted to near in case he needed me. I also wanted to be there if Mel decided to show up since she threatened to if I didn’t get Gus to call her.

 

“Gus knows what, that we’re planning a move?” Ted asks when I finish sending the email.

 

“He already knew we planned to, so no. I wanted to explain the real reason I want to move the main office. And…” I didn’t finish because Ted cut me off.

 

“I know nothing as usual,” Ted said automatically.

 

“I don’t care if you say anything, because I don’t plan to keep it a secret anymore,” I said wanting to laugh at the confusion it seems to cause Ted that he could say something with my permission.

 

Ted sat there for a second as if trying to be careful of what he said next. “Is this about the guy you’ve been with for a while?” He asked.

 

“We decided to get married, and since we’ve been raising a son together for the last fourteen years, I think it’s time to stop treating them like they have to be careful of my friends finding out,” I tell him.

 

Ted looked a little sad at that announcement, but then reined it in and smiled. “I’m happy for you and the guy.” 

 

“I’m glad you are because Justin misses you and Emmett,” I tell him to see how he’ll react.

 

Ted fell out of his chair, before fumbling to get back up. He opened and closed his mouth, not getting anything out for a couple of seconds. “Did you say fourteen years?” He managed.

 

“Yes, and while I’m sure you think I didn’t trust you, it had nothing to do with Justin and more to do with our son Patrick,” I tell him.

 

Ted twitched and seem to get nervous, and I stared him down until he finally said something. “I might have snooped on Justin over the years, so I knew he adopted a kid. I didn’t know you and he got back together. So he managed to forgive you for Michael?” 

 

“We managed to work through that and the other problems we were facing at the time. Which is something I need you to know about because some of it involves Mel and Lindsay’s problems too.” I tell him.

 

“She can’t still want to blame Justin for the shit that she and Lindsay caused,” Ted said, shaking his head.

 

“She’s going to make it Justin’s fault all around since he was the one who Lindsay called when staying with Mel was killing her. Justin made Mel’s top ten hit list by taking it one step further and adopting the baby Mel used to beat Lindsay over the head with. Since I knew it all, Mel thought she had me by the ball where Gus was concerned. Only I cut her off, by telling Gus the truth.” I tell him.

 

“How is Gus dealing with Justin being back in your life?” Ted asked, knowing how Gus acted about Justin for years.

 

“He almost lost Ian over his reaction to seeing Justin again. Which didn’t have anything to do with me and Justin. Just his guilt over how he treated Justin. They managed to work it out between them, and while Gus is still dealing with finding out the truth about Lindsay, he’s willing to support us.” I tell him.

 

“What happened to her?” He asked.

 

“She cracked under the pressure Mel and Michael pounded on her head. She called Justin, saying things that didn’t make sense. She asked him to help her with Gus while she got things ready for the GLC art show that Justin participated in at the beginning of our relationship. Justin ended up going to get her and knew she needed more help than just a place to stay. Mel threw her out, saying that until the baby was gone, Lindsay couldn’t come home.” I tell him.

 

“She never did, even after Justin took the problem away from them,” Ted commented.

 

“Patrick wasn’t the problem, he didn’t ask for any of this,” I said making sure Ted understood where I stood. “Even without Patrick, Lindsay wouldn’t be able to return anyway. She’s lost in a world that stopped before Mel cheated on her. Her mind blocks anything that points to the problems that came after Gus was born. It doesn’t matter if there were happier times later, just that it leads to the worst times in her life, so she won’t let her mind go there.” I tell him.

 

“Does Mel know where Lindsay’s been all this time?” Ted asks.

 

“She knew Lindsay left with Justin and then went to Lindsay parents, signing over Lindsay’s POA to them, instead of Justin. We got lucky that Lindsay’s parents didn’t want to deal with it, and gave Justin anything he wanted to make it not their problem.” I tell him.

 

“She still got back at him, by making him deal with the things she should have. She was actually laughing about you and Justin breaking up. Like she got one over you.” Ted remarked.

 

“I almost let her, because I didn’t want Justin adopting Patrick when it would hurt Gus. Only Mel never understood that while it took me a while to get my head out of my ass, in the end, loving Justin wasn’t an option for me, just something I never could stop doing.  Patrick became a bonus, by not allowing me to let what happened to Mel and Lindsay cause the same for Justin and me. After the shit with Michael, I went to see Justin and we managed to work through everything and become a family. Now that Gus knows everything, I didn’t want to keep living two lives anymore, which means telling you and Emmett, since you're still important to me.” I tell him.

 

“What about Deb?” He asks.

 

“She’s known about most of it, just not what happened to Lindsay after she disappeared. She’s been a part of Justin’s life all these years, and while she never said anything, I think she knows we’ve been together, just not how together we’ve been.” I tell him.

 

“Why do you think she knows?” Ted asked since it was unlike Deb to be able to keep a secret.

 

“She stopped trying to get Justin and I back together after Patrick started walking. Since she’s friends with Jen, it’s likely Jen either told her or hinted that she didn’t need to worry about it anymore. I’m sure the reason Deb kept quiet was more to keep Michael away from us.” I tell him.

 

“I doubt he’ll do anything, since David keeps him on a tight leash, nowadays. Michael screwed up trying to make it sound like you were the problem and running back to David. He can’t make a move without worrying David will kick his ass to the curb.” Ted snickered.

 

“David can have him because I won’t let Justin or Patrick deal with that bullshit in our lives,” I tell him.

 

“It’s why I was thrilled at the idea of leaving Pittsburgh. No more having to listen to Michael act like he was superior to all of us because he’s a doctor’s wife.” Ted told me.

 

“Are you going to tell Blake you're leaving?” I ask, knowing I should leave it alone.

 

“I don’t think he’ll care, I screwed up one time too many the last time,” Ted told me.

 

“I thought I did too, but if they really love you, then sometimes you get another chance,” I tell him.

 

“Justin loved you in a way none of us could understand,” Ted said as if it was still a mystery to him.

 

“I know he did and still does, but it wouldn’t have worked if we let it go. Which you did.” I tell him.

 

“Why are you telling me this?” He asks.

 

“Because I don’t want to see you work yourself into a grave, not living, but surviving. I want you to have what I do because you’re a good friend and a better man than you seem to think you are. Neither of us managed to have relationships with other people last long, and for me, it was because they weren’t Justin. If you're honest with yourself, it’s because no other man compared to Blake for you.” I tell him.

 

“Emmett is in the same boat.” He reminds me.

 

“You have one cat, while your partner in crime is setting up a shelter in his home, to avoid love,” I tell him.

 

“Calvin got married last week,” Ted tells me.

 

“Calvin wasn’t right for Emmett,” I tell him.

 

“You think Drew is? He hasn’t contacted Emmett since he left.” He tells me.

 

“He also never got involved with anyone after Emmett. It couldn’t hurt to invite Drew to my wedding since we use him for clients. If they don’t want each other then no harm is done.” I said.

 

“When are you planning to tell Emmett everything?” He asks.

 

My office door being thrown open and Emmett marching in, looking like he just woke up, answered that question.

 

“This isn’t funny Brian, do you know how many years I wished this was true?” He asks, slapping the email with the old wedding invitation Justin and I mailed out years ago. I left the date off it.

 

“Wish granted. Justin finally stopped balking after fourteen years.” I joke, watching as Emmett went into shock.

 

“Is he still breathing?” Ted asks, getting up to go and help Emmett into a chair.

 

“But… how… why didn’t… I lost him when all this time we could have still been friends.” Emmett said after not being able to get the first question out.

 

Ted spoke Emmett better than everyone else and condensed the conversation we had, it took a couple of minutes before Emmett digested everything but once he did his questions weren’t about more than how Gus was dealing with it.

 

“He’s made peace with Justin, and while he feels betrayed by us not telling him, he’s willing to see why we thought what we did was right. He didn’t lash out at Patrick, and Patrick managed to give Gus a chance for Justin. I’m more worried about what will happen when he sees Lindsay for the first time tomorrow.” I tell him.

 

“It had to be hard on you if she’s that lost in her own world,” Emmett commented.

 

“Justin had to deal with her because every time I tried to visit it set Lindsay back for days. She trusts anything Justin tells her.” I tell him.

 

“I can’t believe Mel knew and made it sound like Lindsay just abandoned them,” Emmett said, not as surprised by it as he was saying. “So we’re planning a wedding, which means everyone will know.” He said looking at me.

 

“I don’t want to keep pretending I have anything to hide. Loving Justin and Patrick makes me happy. Now that Gus knows, what happens doesn’t really matter when it comes to anyone else.” I told him.

 

“Plus, you and Ted are leaving, so it really shouldn’t be a problem for you two,” Emmett tells me.

 

“What’s keeping you here?” Ted asked.

 

“My business. The cats.” Emmett said, like a question he really didn’t know the answer to.

 

“Or you could try to make a new life by doing what we are.” Ted offers.

 

“You guys have jobs to go to, I’d have to start all over if I moved there. While my business does well, I can’t afford New York prices.” Emmett argues.

 

“You could if the rent was free.” I counter, wanting Emmett to get out of the rut he got into.

 

“I’m sort of past the sugar baby time in my life,” Emmett tells me.

 

“I don’t want you for that, I have Justin. I also have an apartment I don’t live in and own. I could rent it, but you’re going to have to stay somewhere to help us plan the wedding. Which will be a big, extravagant affair, which I plan to make sure you get the credit for planning. Trust me, the art crowd will pay attention to the fact that their darling is getting married and who planned it. That’s better advertising for a new business than even I could do.” I tell him.

 

“Which in a way you are, since it’s going to be your wedding,” Emmett smirks. “Do you think Justin would mind if I came with you when you go back? I miss him.” Emmett asks.

 

“I plan to leave today, so get packed, because believe it or not he misses you and Ted for some reason.” I joked.

 

Ted and I watched as Emmett jumped from his chair and was out the door without even asking me what time we were going. 

 

“Tell Justin I’m sorry I didn’t try to stay in contact with him,” Ted told me.

 

“I will, but he’d likely forgive you if you at least talked to Blake. You wouldn’t be any worse off than you are now.” I tell him.

 

“I’ll think about it, and get back to you if he agrees to see me,” Ted said, walking out the door.

 

GUS

 

Mel wouldn’t give up, she even had Jenny call Ian. Of course, Jenny was too busy ranting about how unfair it was that Mel was ruining her life. Ian let her go on and on, only saying things like, he understood, and, Mel wouldn’t listen to him. I finally decided to give Ian a break and took the phone, going to the kitchen to start dinner. I put the phone on speaker so I could cut up the vegetables for the stir fry we were having. We invited Patrick over and Ian went to answer when he knocked on the door. I waved at Patrick and pointed to the snacks Ian put out when Jenny called.

 

“Can you believe her, she doesn’t care that her parents barely tolerate me. She thinks just because they’re old, I should just deal with it.” Jenny screeches through the speaker.

 

“Holy cow, I think my eardrum burst,” Patrick said, looking at the phone.

 

“Who is that?” Jenny asked.

 

I looked at Patrick, wanting to let him decide what I said since my dad and Justin left it up to me how I handled everything. “Tell her what you want.” Patrick shrugged.

 

“Justin’s son is over,” I told her since the rest would take more time.

 

“Why?” Jenny asked, sounding puzzled since she didn’t know Justin and I are mending.

 

“Justin and I talked and there’s a lot of things that I found out and it included Patrick. He’s my brother, and like you, I want a relationship with him too.” I tell her.

 

“Mama’s going to be pissed at Justin for hiding this from us,” Jenny warns me.

 

“Then she can be pissed and throw away any chances, she has with being in my life after lying to me for years about everything,” I tell her.

 

“What about what Lindsay did? She left us to have that baby,” Jenny says snidely.

 

“My mother didn’t leave for any reason other than she couldn’t take any more of the shit Mel dished out every day at her. She ended up breaking apart and she still isn’t whole to this day from being treated like a pariah in her own home.” I tell her.

 

“Is that what Justin told you, as an excuse for why Lindsay didn’t bother to contact us?” Jenny asks, not believing anything I said.

 

“Actually, it’s what I saw when I went to meet Lindsay, so I’d know what Gus was going to find. What I found out, without Justin having to tell me, was that the mom Gus knew is now a woman who can’t get out of her past and lives in a facility because she can’t live in the real world after being hurt badly by it.” Ian tells her.

 

“She couldn’t face that she screwed up, you mean. Now you're welcoming the screw-up into your lives while my life is going to crap.” Jenny tells him.

 

“That must suck for you, me the screw-up gets to be happy that my dad isn’t the asshole your mother wants him to be.” Patrick puts in.

 

“If it wasn’t for Justin…” Jenny didn’t even get to finish, because what my dad warned me about, Patrick demonstrated.

 

“How is my dad’s fault that your moms couldn’t keep their pants on? It’s not. He didn’t get them naked and throw them at people, they did that all on their own. He wasn’t there when your mother threw Lindsay to the wolves for not wanting to kill me, but he was there when Lindsay was ready to kill herself. You can blame my dad for giving a crap that Lindsay needed help and he got it for her. You can blame him because he loved me too much to just toss me out like fucking garbage, which is how your mother saw me. But you will not try to make it my father’s fault that your mother can’t deal with the fact that her life is shit because she chose to do the things that caused it. My father dealt with all his friends turning their backs on him, and never once blamed them. He only wished them the best in life. So do me a favor and don’t say shit when you don’t know a damn thing about my father or me. Since I’m likely off your Christmas list, don’t fuck with my Da either. He did what he thought was best for Gus, and still loved me when I was the reason Gus’s life was screwed up.” Patrick was shaking by the time he was finished. Ian, seeing it, walked over and took him to the living room to calm down while I dealt with Jenny and my anger at her for lashing out at Patrick.

 

“I can’t believe he said that to me,” Jenny said, sounding hurt.

 

“What do you expect when you said what you said about him and Justin. He didn’t cause the shit that happened to us. Before you try to say he was the reason Mom and Mel had problems you need to remember that neither of us was old enough to even understand what it was about. Instead, we were told by Mel and Michael what they wanted us to believe. Which wasn’t even close to the truth, other than that Mom was pregnant from the affair she had.” I tell her.

 

“You're saying my father is a liar?” Jenny asked, sounding defensive.

 

“I’m not saying anything. You have to figure that out on your own. I won’t say anything because you won’t want to believe me. You turn it into the fact that I don’t like your father. But Justin doesn’t gain anything by lying to me. He’d already lost me, so he knows telling me the truth is the only way we can go forward, and neither of us is willing to let that happen again now that we’ve found each other again. I spent years treating him like nothing he did mattered to me, and it hurt me just as much as it hurt him. I won’t do that to him anymore, and I won’t treat my brother as if he’s to blame for being born when he didn’t ask to be. I don’t want to lose you, but I won’t treat him differently than I would you.” I tell her.

 

“I should warn you, Mama is planning on showing up at your door,” Jenny said, not commenting on anything I said.

 

“She won’t like the reception she gets,” I tell her.

 

“Are you pissed at Brian too?” She asks.

 

“At first I was, but he didn’t keep it from me for any reason other than he thought he was protecting me. I can’t be mad at him for helping my mother when she needed someone to be in her corner. Since I’m telling you about this, you need to know that he’s also been with Justin almost the whole time, and they plan to get married.” I said, knowing I could tell her more, but until she accepted that Justin wasn’t the enemy, she wouldn’t listen. 

 

“Brian threw away my dad, that’s what I know. And now your telling me that he was cheating on my dad with Justin. Yet your forgiving Brian when you know what he did.” Jenny tells me.

 

“It’s not like that, I’m willing to see that everything we thought wasn’t always what we thought it was. I’m willing to see my father never turned his back on me, even when I preferred he be miserable to protect me.  He stopped trying to pacify your dad, because he couldn’t let Michael rule his life, and keep him from the one man who loved him the way love should be. He followed his heart which always belonged to Justin. He couldn’t give your dad what he wanted, because Michael couldn’t be Justin for him. Which you’ll understand one day when you really fall in love with someone, no one else compares to them for you. I know it only because without Ian I’d be missing the best parts of me.” I tell her, waiting for her to say something, instead, she hung up.

 

Ian came in with Patrick, who still looked upset, but it wasn’t about Justin or Brian. “I’m sorry I caused you and your sister to fight.” 

 

“Siblings fight because we can. She might be angry right now, but she’ll eventually call trying to work it out. Which, if we ever fight, means we figure out how not to walk away mad at each other. You're my brother, just as much as she’s my sister.” I tell him.

 

“Did I hear it right when Jenny said Mel was going to come?” Ian asked, helping me get dinner ready.

 

“Probably. Since she thinks she is going to convince me to move with her and Jenny. I don’t think she’ll like my answer, or the questions I have if she shows up.” I tell him.

 

“She does know you're an adult, right?” Patrick asks, snacking.

 

“Did Da ever tell you what she’s like?” I ask.

 

“Um, sort of, but I could tell he held back on what he really thought of her. He did say she never treated you different from Jenny.” Patrick said, trying to be diplomatic.

 

“She wasn’t awful, she just wanted to control everything we did, how we felt, and who we were around. Which sounds worse than it was, or maybe not.” I said, not sure how to explain Mel to him.

 

“She does love you, just not anything you do when she doesn’t agree with you,” Ian said, making me laugh that both of us were just as lost on how to make Mel sound better.

 

“We already know she’s going to hate my guts. So at least she’ll be predictable.” Patrick adds, wrinkling his nose in a way that reminded of Justin.

 

“It’ll be her loss because so far I sort of love you,” I tell him.

 

“I think I could too, but only if you two start cooking. Before I starve,” Patrick jokes.

 

JUSTIN

 

With everyone gone for the day, I decided to go see Lindsay. I wanted to make sure she was ready to see Gus. And as weird as it was, she gave me a way to not think about things. She was sitting in the dayroom when I walked in. I smiled when she didn’t look upset about what she heard yesterday. We left the room and went outside to her favorite sitting area. Lindsay was quiet on the walk and for a few moments just took in the lake in front of us.

 

“Helping me hurt you,” Lindsay whispered.

 

“Why do you think that?” I ask.

 

“That man who talked to me yesterday, he told me,” Lindsay said, fidgeting.

 

I grabbed her hand in mine and made her look at me. “You needed a friend to help you when you couldn’t help yourself. None of that is your fault.  I only did for you what you’ve always done for me. I know you don’t remember, but you encouraged me not to give up being an artist, just as much as Brian did.” I tell her.

 

“Why did you want to give up something you were born to do?” She asked.

 

“Remember when I told you about being hurt at my prom?” I asked her.

 

“But before that Brian showed up like Prince Charming and danced the night away with you.” She tells me.

 

“Yes, but after that, someone hurt me, and I ended up having to relearn how to do everything again. It was ready to give up when I couldn’t draw the way I used to be able to. Brian did everything to help but I was still angry about losing so much because someone hated me for being gay.” I tell her.

 

Lindsay looked away from me, staring back at the lake. “He even bought you a computer, didn’t he?” She asks.

 

“Yes, and I acted like it was the worst thing he could do when it made it so I could draw again. But you know what you did?” I asked.

 

Lindsay shrugged instead of answering, so I answered it for her. “You took me to see a show, where the artist was a quadriplegic and didn’t let that stop her from creating. You made me see that I was letting my disability be the sum total of me. I started creating again that night. You helped me, for the same reason I did for you. Because we love each other.” I told her.

 

“What about Brian and you? I really wanted him to love you.” She tells me.

 

“We got lost just like you did, but we found our way back to each other,” I tell her.

 

“I don’t understand why you never told me that Gus stopped talking to you.” She tells me.

 

“He was hurt and confused, you weren’t there and I couldn’t be the way I once was. He clung to the people who he saw as being there for him.” I tell her, then decided to broach the subject of Gus’s visit. “The guy, Ian, he came because we told Gus where you are, and he wants to see you tomorrow. I need to know how you feel about it.” I tell her.

 

“He isn’t going to be the little boy I want to think he is, is he?” She asks.

 

“No, he isn’t. And we’re worried you’ll only see Brian when you see him. He grew up to look a lot like Brian. I know you don’t want to hurt Gus, but if you try to hide from the truth, you will.” I tell her.

 

“When I try to believe you, I feel like I’m being stabbed over and over. I just want to stop the pain.” She tells me, which was new.

 

“Why didn’t you tell us it made you feel that way?” I ask her.

 

“I don’t like making you sad, and you are because I can't get better.” She tells me.

 

“I miss the woman you were before, but I’m glad to still have you in my life. I just see the things you're missing and wish you could have them. But no matter what, I want to know anything that could help you, and even if I’m sad about it, I’m just happy you still trust me.” I tell her.

 

“It hurt me once when I thought you didn’t love me.” She said, which confused me for a minute but then I remembered.

 

“I told you, I couldn’t choose but loved you just as much,” I tell her.

 

“I wish she had felt the same way,” Lindsay said, quietly leaning her head on my shoulder. I put it in the win column for Lindsay, since that happened after Sam.


 

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