JUSTIN

My mother called, wanting to know what was going on since Deb was asking questions about things that up until now I'd asked my mother to keep quiet about. Unlike everyone else, I never kept from her what happened with Lindsay. She needed to know the facts since she became a grandmother because of it. She supported me, and tried to talk to me when I started closing out the people who were a big part of my life. She was there when I came home, finally letting myself show what Gus's words did to me. She was there, willing to welcome Brian back into our lives, not saying anything but that we both needed to make this work for Patrick. To this day, I know I got lucky because she loved me, and while she wasn't perfect, she was to me. It's why, after the call, I asked Ian if we could talk alone. 

I could tell Gus what I planned to tell Ian. But like my mother and Brian were my support system, for now, Ian was the one Gus trusted the most. Ian needed to be able to answer Gus with facts about the questions that were likely still stirring in Gus's mind. Ian didn't even blink when I suggested we go shopping for food with Deb. I could answer about Lindsay and Brian, but I really didn't have a clue about what was going on with Mel or with anything involving the time since I left Pittsburgh. Deb knew the rest and told me there were things she thought we should know about her talk with Mel. 

Emmett returned with Patrick in tow. And Patrick, seeing how Gus looked, suggested they play some video games that wouldn't require either of them to think. Brian told me he'd rather stay at the house, wanting to be there if Gus needed him. Gus agreed, saying they could enjoy the quiet while it lasted, since Deb and Carl would be over later with Jenny. Patrick said Jenny wanted to apologize to Gus, but he thought Gus didn't really expect one. 

"I told you it how it works with your siblings. Give them time and it works out," Gus told him, as he followed Patrick out of the room.

Ian waited until we were out of the house before asking me anything about the visit. "I don't know how to judge whether it was good or bad," He tells me.

"Better than I thought it would go. She normally won't walk away with someone unless I go with them," I tell him.

"Why the repetition?" He asked.

"When I went to see her this morning, she kept worrying about mistaking Gus for Brian. I suggested she concentrate on the color difference of their eyes. If she started to see Brian, Dr Jacobs and I told her to repeat it, until she was seeing Gus again. Which tells us how hard it was for her to keep her focus, but she did. She had what I call a win for her- she spoke about something that happened further in her memories, and I call them that for when she pushes herself to places she doesn't want to remember. She did it with Gus, but ended up stopping again. When she does I don't push her any further," I tell him.

"Why, if it could mean possible breakthroughs for her?" He asks.

"When we told her she'd done it, we found out she also remembers anything before it. Which could be seen as a good thing, but then she closes off for days, not willing to talk to anyone. I found it's better not to mention it, because she doesn't run from the memories that way. Even now, fourteen years later we're finding out why she doesn't want to remember; she said it's like someone stabbing at her over and over," I tell him.

"When she closes off, does that include you?" Ian asks.

"I get to be seventeen again, which wasn't that much fun to begin with... Well, some of it was," I joked.

We waited for Deb outside the hotel, since she told us Jenny was still upset and she didn't want to talk in front of her. "Are we really going to the grocery store?" Ian asked, as Deb got in the car.

"I never go home until Patrick is supplied. How did it go with Gus?" Deb asked.

"Gus is still dealing with seeing what we told him. There are still times when I want to believe something will change with her. I think Gus, no matter how we prepared him, expected more from her," I tell her.

"Brian told me it was why you two left out where she'd been. After thinking about it, I think I'd have the same problem," Deb tells us.

"Has she ever seen anyone that wouldn't have been a part of the past she will remember, but the future she doesn't?" Ian asked, curious.

"She saw her father when we needed to get her POA. Lindsay ignored him, and Ron left it at that. I've taken her to see shows that included Sam's work, but not Sam," I tell him.

"Did she react to it?" Ian asked.

"She'd wander past it, but no, she treated them like they were invisible to her. The only real difference I saw at the time was that she spoke to Patrick, telling him about all the other paintings like it was a history lesson," I tell him.

"How was Mel?" Ian asks changing the subject.

"If there was a club for how to stay miserable, she and my son would be founding members," Deb tells him.

"I don't get why she couldn't move on with her life. Lindsay at least has a reason for it," I say, as we pulled into the store.

Deb grabbed a basket and suggested I do too, since she was also going to make dinner tonight. Ian followed behind us, joking he understood why, since he witnessed the care and feeding of Patrick first hand.

"Justin was just as bad, although with Patrick I think it's because the boy never sits still unless eating or asleep," Deb says proudly.

"What happened with Mel?" Ian asks.

"She never said anything other than David won't help unless she picks somewhere far enough away that it won't disturb his and Michael's life. Jenny doesn't seem to know what caused the sudden need to move. I could see it if Mel's parents were sick and needed help, but Jenny said no, as far as she knows they're healthy. When I left she would only say she was fucked, but what that means I can only guess at. I mentioned Justin and Brian being together, but also made sure she knew it wouldn't get her anywhere since Gus knows pretty much everything," She tells us.

"She knows Jenny will usually listen to Gus, even if she balks at what he says. So she starts off her negotiations with something outrageous and then hopes to get the result she wants using Gus to intercede with Jenny. It's how I've seen her operate in the past," Ian tells her.

"So she says Gus should move with her, knowing he won't, then what?" Deb asks.

"Finally gets to what she wants, for him to help her with Jenny," Ian tells her.

"Jenny isn't going to agree to move to Florida, Mel's parents don't see her as their grandchild, no matter what Mel tries. It was like when she wanted to circumcise Gus, it wouldn't have changed anything in their eyes. They never saw Gus as Mel's child, just Lindsay's, and they treat Jenny the same way, which Mel has even admitted to," Deb tells him.  

"We need to find out why this move is so important, so when Gus is ready to deal with Mel, he knows what's going on," Ian tells her.

"It couldn't be about Lindsay, because she didn't know Gus found out," I add.

"Carl thinks Mel might have screwed up her job, because why else would she leave when she was making a decent living there, on top of what David was giving her. She has no reason to want to leave," Deb tells us as we finished getting everything she wants and head to the check-out.

"She's complained to Gus a few times that she's had trouble with clients. She doesn't like it when they don't agree with her, which really doesn't surprise me." Ian shrugs paying for everything, not letting either of us. "I was hoping you'd let Gus and I take some home, since I doubt either of us is going to want to cook,"

"But he'll eat it because I make it," Deb says, knowing none of us would turn down her cooking.

BRIAN

Emmett handed me suggestions of places we could look at for the wedding, and then went to sit and watch Patrick and Gus. I left them for Justin to decide on, since I only cared that the wedding happens, not where. I left them in the office I shared with Justin, thinking about how lucky I was that Gus didn't hate me and that I let things go too far for too many years. Something that wasn't like me, or even Justin, yet we didn't face this the way we once would have. It's something we both need to stop doing, but somewhere along the way we did, possibly because we didn't want to mess up again. Was that it?

"You look like you've got a lot on your mind," Emmett said, wandering around looking at Justin's work.

"Thinking about the past and the ways it changed us," I tell him.

"We can't all live in a bubble of happiness. Justin's work just keeps getting better doesn't it?" Emmett says, sitting down.

"It does. But really he's a genius at everything he does," I tell him.

"So what about the past?" Emmett asks.

"The way we dealt with things, and how, unlike before, we weren't facing things the way we did in the beginning," I tell him.

"So, the fact that you've reached human status bothers you," Emmett jokes.

"Only that we both let this go on for as long as it did. Letting the fear of the unknown rule decisions we made with everything," I tell him.

"In the past the only thing either of you had to lose would have hurt only you. I think being a parent changes you intrinsically. Before you have children, your life is your own and what you do affects only you. You knew what it was like to have parents who didn't know how to be parents, and you knew how it felt, and loved your son enough not to want him to feel it," Emmett tells me.

"There are days when I..." I couldn't say it.

"Hate her for not being able to give Gus and Patrick the mother they should have had?" Emmett asks.

"Which bothers me, since she can't help the way she is," I tell him.

"It should, because you had to do things that went against the person you are. Doing what you both did pushed you and Justin apart, and left you trying to fix the unfixable- Michael. Until you finally realized some things are just too broken to fix." He says, not mentioning Lindsay in his speech, before continuing. "While we can all agree Mel wasn't the best parent, she did do what you asked and loved Gus, but also enjoyed how it screwed up your life. What did you do? You split yourself in two, in order to not lose the most important people in your life. But you have to remember, you and Justin, while being able to pull off amazing things in the past, had people who could have made your road easier if we'd had a clue what was going on," Emmett tells me.

"I didn't see how anything could have been better if you or Ted knew," I tell him.

"We could have helped shoulder some of the responsibility for you. Maybe given you a different perspective on the situation and how to handle it." He tells me.

"When have you ever known me to listen?" I joke.

"Every time we needed you, even when we didn't think you did," He tells me.

"After that summer, I couldn't tell Gus," I tell him.

"You're wondering if it just made it easier as the years went by and you still didn't. That's a hard one to answer. Gus should have been told, but you had to balance it with loving your other son and not wanting to see them hate each other." He tells me.

"Which they don't," I tell him.

"Luckily for everyone. But it gave Gus time to grow up enough to understand that Patrick wasn't the real reason for it all. Would he have at six or sixteen, seventeen, or any age until now?" Emmett asks, shrugging since we couldn't know the answer.

"I don't think I would have listened until I let myself admit that I never hated Justin," Gus says from the doorway.

"Was it a mistake to tell you the way I did?" I ask him.

"I'll go check on Patrick," Emmett tells us, leaving us to talk.

"After seeing her the way she is, I can't even imagine how much more it would have hurt me to see her even worse than she is now. I can tell you, at six I think all it would have caused was for me to hate her and Patrick, because I lost my mother. Even after Michael was no longer whispering in my ear, I still had Mel fueling the hatred at not being enough for my mom to stick around. And I wasn't ready to admit Justin didn't deserve the same. The not knowing wasn't easy, but it led me to the life I have with Ian. And you supported me, and let me make my own decisions even when you didn't agree with what I was doing. You made this decision for me, and while I'm not sure it was the right one, you did it because you love me and didn't want to see me hurt. It's why I understand what you did better than what Mel did," I tell him.

"I hid a lot from you too," I tell him.

"Like I told Ian, I don't think I would have been receptive to Justin being in your life until I dealt with my own feelings. Which, as we both know, I didn't handle it well when it was just about me. We'll never have those answers but I don't need them to know you didn't hide things without a reason, one that had to do with loving all of us." He tells me.

"I wish I could give you the answers about Mel," I tell him.

"She has to do that or it doesn't mean anything. But once again, you helped her when she caused her own issues." He tells me.

"What are you talking about?" I ask, not sure what he was talking about.

GUS

That statement told me a lot about my father. He does things for people and there isn't a score sheet in his head for it. He does what he does because he wants to help. It makes sense that it was always Justin for him. It's how they both operate.

"You gave Mel your rights, to get her and my mom back together and keep my mother from doing something stupid," I tell him.

"I wanted you to have the mothers they promised me they would be to you. I didn't get it. When you love someone you don't just walk away from them." He tells me.

"Which they did?" I ask.

"How much do you remember about the time when Jenny was born?" He asks.

"Just that mom and I were staying with her family, then we were back with Mel," I tell him.

"When they broke up, Lindsay ended up once again without Mel supporting her. Which she shouldn't have relied on, since when Mel cheated the same thing happened. They were both too busy being hurt to remember that they built a life together and needed to support each other. Your mother decided to stay home and raise you, which I supported, but it meant she didn't have a job or income when she and Mel broke up. When Lindsay cheated with Sam, at least this time she had a job, but she was still struggling to support you and fight for her rights to be considered one of Jenny's parents. She ended up going to her parents, since she didn't want to keep asking me for help. They somehow saw this as Lindsay returning to the life they wanted her to live, and started inviting potential suitors for her. Lindsay might have dipped her toe, but she was still more attracted to women. So she and Mel decided to cohabitate but not get back together. Then a bomb went off and suddenly they were in love again." He tells me.

"And Canada became the answer," I said sarcastically.

"At first I agreed, but then tried to stop them," He tells me.

"You once again had to let them get their way, like when you gave Mel the rights to me. Isn't it funny that in order for them to be happy, once again you had to give up something you wanted. And to top it off, everything was blamed on you and Justin. Michael and Mel made you two the villians in every telling," I tell him. 

"I've never been the hero, even when Justin tried to turn me into one," He says laughing.

"At least you can admit you didn't always make the right decisions, and you didn't try to pass the blame the way others do. So maybe that's the real answer. That it wasn't about anything but doing the best in a situation when the only thing you could do was protect us from being hurt as long as you could," I tell him.

"It never really stops," He admits, telling me he still missed my mom the way she once was.

EMMETT

Patrick ran when Deb came through the door, yelling he'd bring everything in. Deb smiled at me, the smile that said we needed to talk. She and I were partners in crime, the way Justin and Brian were. Carl was the voice of reason when we needed to be reined in, but until he got here, we could plot and plan. I'd been texting Ted on the down low to get his opinion on what Mel was doing. Teddy was still somewhat friends with her, and tried not to get in the middle of the Marcus/Kinney war. In most cases he supported Brian, and Mel didn't say much to him about it for not supporting her. Teddy agreed he'd see if the cousin that lived near Mel knew anything and get back to me on it. 

"I hope it's okay if Jenny comes tonight. I think she needs to be away from Mel for a little while," Deb says as Brian comes in with Gus.

"As long as we don't have another issue with Patrick," Brian tells her, bluntly.

"If she says anything it won't hurt me," Patrick tells him.

"If Jenny does then she and I will talk about how I expect my grandchildren to treat each other," Deb tells him. 

"Just don't make her cry or screech, even though Auntie Em thinks it's funny," Patrick says before going back out. Making me wonder if she planned to feed them for years.

"He actually doesn't understand that with Jenny's gene pool, it's usually one or the other," I snicker, evading Deb's swat.

"It's much worse after she's spent time with David and Michael," Gus tells us.

"I noticed they never seem to have a good visit," Deb tells us.

"Because David makes her feel like she doesn't measure up to his perfect son," Gus tells us.

When Patrick cleared his throat, we all turned and saw Jenny and Carl there. Jenny didn't seem upset at what we were saying, only looking as if she was worried about her reception with Gus.

Gus walked over to his sister, and waited until she looked up at him. "I hope I don't have to remind you that no matter how big a brat you can be, I love you," Gus tells her.

"Even when I say things I shouldn't and act like Mama and Dad," Jenny replies, as if they'd had this conversation before.

"Even then, but I need you to understand I will not put up with you lashing out at Patrick just because your angry at the world," Gus tells her, sounding more like her father than her brother.

Jenny nodded, staring at Justin for a second before asking Deb if she could help. I could tell she was curious about Justin, which made sense since she really didn't know him, just what she'd heard from Mel and her father. 

"How about you help me find everything we're going to need to start?" Deb offers. 

Jenny turned to Brian as she followed Deb. "Thank you for letting me come, even when I treated Patrick the way I did." 

"We were always family," Brian says, and we watch Jenny's shoulders relax with those words.

Ian came over and hugged Jenny, making me see Ian's approval meant a lot to her. They whispered to each other before Jenny nodded and went to where Justin was getting out pots for Deb.

"I don't remember much about you, but Grandma said you were always willing when my moms' and dad asked you to spend time with me. I used to ask Gus how someone that we were told such bad things about could create such beautiful things. My dad grumbles that no one could recreate Rage the way you can," Jenny tells him.

Justin looked surprised at hearing that, but didn't say anything. "I loved spending time with you and Gus, and I hated that I couldn't anymore," He tells her.

"Because you took Lindsay and the baby. Which Mama was pissed at you for," Jenny states.

"It didn't help, but it didn't change that I love both you and Gus. It wasn't something I stopped doing because I helped Lindsay when she needed it." Justin tells her.

"We all love you," I tell her, when she looks at me.

"I know, because you were always happy to see me when I visited," Jenny says, smiling a real smile.

IAN

Gus managed to get through dinner before he told everyone he was tired and we left for the night. He didn't say much on the drive back, and was happy that everyone tried to make Jenny comfortable. But I could tell it made him worry about what would happen once she was back with Mel. Gus didn't even do more than remove his shoes before falling on the bed.

"I want to deal with it for Jenny." Gus says, sounding exhausted.

"I want you to only worry about how you feel about seeing your mom for the first time." I tell him.

"I don't know what to think about the visit, it was shorter than I thought. Plus, I figured out she repeated the same phrase to stay in the present with me." He tells me.

"Justin said the fact that she willingly walked away alone with you is a big thing for her. And for her, repeating those words was her fighting to be with you. I think with time, she's going to try harder because deep inside she wants to know you." I tell him.

"I want the impossible." Gus tells me.

"I would too, in your situation." I tell him.

"I talked to my dad, who was questioning the decisions he made about it all. I realized that I could be okay with the way it ended up." He tells me.

"Why?" I ask, helping him get undressed.

"I don't like the idea that I wouldn't have found you. My screwed up life I could deal with. Not meeting you, that just doesn't work for me." He tells me, holding my face.

I leaned in and kissed the man who was going to be the only one for the rest of my life. I wondered where I earned all the good karma that came my way the day I walked into a lecture room. I knew it was time for me to do what right now Gus couldn't. Making sure Mel never put another frown on Gus's face. I texted Brian, asking him to help me deal with her.

"I'll wait then." Brian texted back.