CHAPTER FOUR: REALITY BITES

The mailbox is full… Goodbye.

MELANIE:

I can’t help the snicker that bubbles out of me as the voicemail message for Brian sounds through the speaker once again. Michael arrived not even ten minutes ago, and already he and Lindsay have been whispering rapidly back and forth, reminding me of the sound of rats scurrying. After greeting his mother, he made a beeline straight to Lindz to inform her of the situation at the loft. The situation, per his screeching, was that he couldn’t get in, and the other residents have strict instructions from the owner of the building NOT to let him in. I’m really tempted to find out who that is so that I can shake their hands for finally calling a halt to Michael and Lindsay’s stalking which should have ended ages ago.

“We really have to find out who the new owner is,” Lindsay says. “It’s not right that they now have the temerity to say who can go into the business and who cannot. Surely, that’s not legal.” She raises her eyebrow at me, looking for me to confirm her assumption.

So since she wants an answer, I’m going to give it to her. It’s not my fault, that it won’t be the one she wants desperately to hear. “Actually, ANY owner of an establishment reserves the right to refuse service of any kind as long as there is a purpose in doing so. The only building that negates that regulation is a publicly-owned hospital, and only because of the Hippocratic oath doctors take to do no harm. Private hospitals work the same, however, they get a little more leeway based on a patient’s ability to pay upfront or be billed. In the matter concerning BRIAN’S apartment building, it’s completely LEGAL.”

“Well, that’s just bullshit!” Michael exclaims as Lindsay nods her head. “We’re Brian’s friends. That person- whoever they are- doesn’t have the right to say who can visit him and who can’t as long as he pays his rent.”

“Plus, Brian owns his loft. Surely, he can tell the owner of the building to let us in,” Lindsay demands.

“Brian can own the loft all he wants, but it’s still inside of the building which belongs to the owner. And before you two start planning and plotting, it’s my pleasure to tell you that there isn’t a way to circumvent it.”

“Well, we’ll just have to convince him to sell the loft and find a new place to live so that HIS FRIENDS can visit him whenever they want!” Michael yells, even while startling Gus awake.

As he begins to cry, I wait for Lindsay to reach over into the bassinet to retrieve him, which would put a momentary stop to her and Michael’s idiocy. After a short while, in which Lindsay has had to restart her sentence three times, she looks over to me and says, “Well? Aren’t you going to come over and get him?”

“Why should I when you’re sitting right next to him?”

“Mel, can’t you see that Michael and I are in the middle of an important discussion?”

“So important that it takes precedence over your son?” 

She narrows her eyes at me, before speaking through gritted teeth, “Melanie, I do not appreciate your implication!”

“And I don’t appreciate your thoughtlessness. I’m sure that Brian won’t either.” I hold her gaze with my own, even as Gus is still crying. 

Ordinarily, I would have gone over the moment he even whimpered, but I’m sitting here trying to prove a point to Lindsay about her priorities, and how lately they have been more than a little bit skewed. Several times this week alone, I’ve arrived home to hear the same kind of crying coming from Gus while Lindsay has been on the phone with Michael, or leaving another message for Brian, or harassing Justin’s voicemail, or anything else that keeps her from being the full-time mother she told everyone else she was so happy to be. What was even more amazing to me was just yesterday when I arrived home, she was on the phone with Ted, arguing with him about the fact that the latest support payment hadn’t arrived. What I wanted to know is why she needed it so pressingly since all of the bills this month had been paid. And what came out of her mouth had me galled to the bone since her response was that she needed it for milk and pampers… 

Which was an outright lie, since I’d picked those things up just the night before on my way home from work.

Bringing myself back to the present, I watch Lindsay’s face as she finally realizes that I’m not budging. She rolls her eyes at me, before picking Gus up a little roughly for my liking, and puts him in her lap. Apparently, she should have checked Gus’ pants before she did that since he’d peed through his diaper, which she would have suspected had she actually changed him as she said she did before we left the house to come here to Deb’s for dinner. Just another one of Lindsay’s lies coming to the surface.

“Oh God, Mel! Are you happy now?!” she questions me accusingly. “All of this could have been avoided if you’d just come and gotten Gus!”

“You’re right, it could have been. However, it also wouldn’t have happened if you’d taken the time to change Gus- as you said you did- before we got here. So don’t blame me for YOUR neglect since I was waiting in the car.”

“Well, can you change him while I get myself cleaned up?!”

“Sure, I can and I will.”

“You should have just done that in the first place, Mel,” Michael decides to put his two cents in.

“And you could have shut the fuck up about Brian long since, instead of screeching to the point that Gus wet himself again from being startled awake. But hey… no sense partially holding you responsible for anything, right?”

“Enough! Mel, Michael isn’t to blame; Brian is, for not answering his damn phone!” Deb yells from the kitchen.

“And why should he?” Vic, my only ally in all of this asks. “With the way the three of you have been carrying on, I wouldn’t answer any one of you either. Let me just say this: It’s none of your business why he isn’t answering you, or what he’s doing or WHO. What is your business is that your baby is visiting, even while Lindsay has her own baby to take care of. So concentrate on that!”

And I don’t think I’ve ever heard such silence in Deb’s house. Also, I’ve never heard Vic tirade in such a manner before. Apparently, I’m not the only one who is tired of their nonsense. As a result, I turn to Vic and ask, “Hey Handsome, buy you a drink?”

He smiles back at me, and responds, “It’s been a long time since a pretty lady asked me that. Sure!”

As he and I get up and make our way to the door, Lindsay asks, “What about Gus?”

I look back at her and snort. “I don’t have to worry about him right now since I know that Debbie will make sure you’re caring for him as you ought to.”

“What is that supposed to mean, Melanie?!” 

“You’re smart, Lindsay; figure it out.”

“We WILL talk about this when I get home,” she threatens, and I laugh.

“Well, that would be a change of what we usually speak about, now wouldn’t it? I mean, far be it from me to truly take your mind off of Brian and Justin, who are unequivocally NOT your business, to put it on what actually is, such as our relationship and child. Go figure that all it took for me to gain your attention again was not doing what you demanded. Should have thought of that course of action years ago. Ready, Vic?”

I leave out of the house, not giving her a chance to respond, which I know is only going to piss her off further. But the bottom line is that I don’t fucking care anymore. The only one I care about in all of this is Gus, which means that I have to call Brian and Justin to let them know what just happened and the plotting that we were privy to when Michael and Lindsay forgot that we were sitting there and could hear every word. 

“So where should we go?” Vic asks me.

I smile, thinking of the one place Michael nor Lindsay would know to look. Opening his car door for him, and making sure that he was safely inside, I head over to the driver’s seat and hop in. “Brian introduced me to this great little place the other afternoon. It’s called Del’s, which just happens to belong to Daphne’s aunt.”

“Well, if she’s anything like Daphne, I think I’m going to like it there. In fact, she’s the real reason that Michael is so desperate to find Brian tonight.”

“Why?”

“Because Emmett has got himself a new roommate,” At my puzzled look, Vic chuckles. “I overheard Michael complaining to Debbie when she asked him what he was doing there so early. He’d given her the impression that he was going to be staying at Em’s apartment, and that he would just come to dinner with him. So as you can see, Em didn’t make it, because he and his new roomie, Daphne, had things to do.”

I laugh before telling him, “Well Michael and Debbie are going to have even more reason to be pissed with Daphne when they find out that she is also part-owner of the Diner.”

“What? How did that happen?”

I go on to tell Vic about Brian’s initial investment in the diner on Justin’s behalf, and Justin’s subsequent actions to protect that interest. “So you see, while Deb and Michael may be mad, there isn’t much either of them can do about it. Daphne has the power to ban Michael from the Diner, which she will have absolutely no qualms in doing. And as for Deb… well, if she argues too much, Daphne will have some choice words for her as well.”

“Do you think she would fire Deb?” Vic asks, genuinely curious.

“I would think that Daph would hope it never came to that point. But if it affects their bottom line negatively, Anthony will allow it without a problem since two of the partners would agree.”

“But I’m pretty sure that he holds the majority share,” Vic points out as I nod in the affirmative.

“Sure he does, and I suspect that he always will. But if it means the difference between peace in the Diner or war at the top, getting rid of Deb is not going to be much of a regret. But don’t worry too much about it, Vic. Brian and Anthony made sure that whatever Deb may have made as an investor in the Diner went into her retirement fund instead. And the best thing about that is…”

“That she can’t touch it without a penalty, unless there are mitigating circumstances like unemployment. And if that happens, she’d be a dynamic FOOL to continue to buy Michael’s affection by giving him whatever he wants. God, those boys are fucking geniuses!”

“That they are. Even though he’s pissed at her, Brian still makes provisions for Deb no matter how much she curses him. Someone should really bring that to her attention! But as it stands now, she’s unaware of her retirement fund, specifically because of Michael.”

As we walk into the shop, I smile at Vic, who is in just as much awe as I was the first time I came here. “This place is… it’s…”

“A dream come true?” I supply, noticing his slight shortness of breath due to excitement. 

“Yes, and in more ways than you can imagine, Mel. My new boyfriend and I were just talking about the possibility of opening up a place like this. Did you know that Rodney was also a chef?”

“No. You didn’t tell me that.”

“I meant to, but it was rare that I’ve seen you without Deb being around. She’s… well, she’s a bit intimidated by him.”

“I can’t imagine why. Rodney seems like the most mild-mannered guy I’ve ever met outside of you.”

“He is, but unlike me, he isn’t willing to sit silently and take Deb’s or Michael’s shit. In fact, he reminds me a lot of Sunshine, and Teddy’s Blake.”

“Blake? He barely said a word when he was around us.”

“Oh, he said stuff, but it was pretty low-key and in the form of rhetorical questions, which really irked Michael and Deb’s nerves. First, to begin with, they didn’t like to be questioned. But they liked being called on their shit while being questioned even less.”

“Do you think he’ll ever get better?” I ask, for Teddy’s sake, as well as the rest of ours. “Unlike Lindsay and Michael, I didn’t hold Ted’s accidental overdose against Blake. Teddy knew what he was doing, and how he was feeling. Besides, even though he didn’t stay inside the apartment with Ted, he did call the paramedics before he left so that they would know where to come.”

Vic adds, “He also waited across the street to make sure that they got him out and took him to the hospital. Ted told me that Blake told him that when Blake had almost overdosed a few months back.”

“I didn’t know that part, but right!” I say in response. “So I can’t say that faced with the same set of circumstances we all wouldn’t have reacted the exact same way, regardless of our own morality. Sure, we all would love to believe that we would have stuck around for our friend, but the truth is that Blake did the best he could do in that moment and ultimately saved Teddy’s life. And let’s face it… We’ve all tried things that could have killed us emotionally, spiritually, mentally as well as physically, Michael and Lindsay’s judgemental asses included. So none of us have room to judge someone else’s personal journey. I was guilty of that where Brian is concerned, but I won’t do that to Blake. Hell, if I’m honest, I’m still playing a form of Russian Roulette with my life being connected to Lindsay.”

Vic nods as we’re seated at the back of the restaurant. The view of the river is amazing from here, and someone thankfully had the forethought to line the path with lights so that they glisten off the darkened water. I can’t help but marvel at the way the moonlight reflects off of it as the water ripples… Nor can I stop myself from saying, “I wonder if this is how Justin views the things around him.” 

After giving our orders to the waitress, Vic turns to where I’m looking. I can tell in that moment, he’s falling even more in love with this place that Brian introduced me to. Del’s is indeed a special kind of environment, where we’re absolutely free to be ourselves. He clears his throat from the emotion I know he has to be feeling while looking at the water. “I would imagine so. The way the moon is bouncing off the water presents a bit of majesty and mystique, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah, it does. Kinda reminds you that there is a greater force than you at work, whether it be theory of Yahweh, or science.”

“Absolutely. I always say that God knows what he’s doing, even when it comes to science, and putting people in my life who still manage to keep me reasonably healthy despite this disease trying to take me out of here before it’s my time to go. But enough about the morbidity of my situation… what I want to talk about is you,” he tells me.

“What about me?” He simply raises an eyebrow at me in the same way that Brian does, and suddenly, I find I want to confess all my sins, and everyone else’s. I chuckle before responding, “I’m okay, Vic. I know what I’m doing.”

“Stalling for time?” he asks in that no-nonsense way he has of cutting straight through bullshit. 

And that’s the fundamental difference between him and Deb. It’s that when he asks a question, it doesn’t feel like whatever I say now will be held in bank for some later argument to win against. I know that I can trust Vic with the absolute truth of my dilemma and he won’t judge me for my choices. “I can’t leave, Vic, without knowing that I’ve done everything possible to make things work between me and Lindsay. Besides, there’s also Gus to consider. I mean, you saw her tonight…”

“Yes, I did and so did you. She seems to forget everything and everyone in her quest for information that is none of her business concerning Brian. It should be enough that she and Michael have basically forced Justin out of Pittsburgh so that they don’t have to be confronted with their own failures while watching that young man succeed, in every possible way they can’t.”

“And that’s main core of the problem, isn’t it?” I ask, rhetorically, as I nod to thank the waitress for our coffees. I take a sip as does Vic, and it gives me pleasure just to see the lighting of his eyes, as he tastes Del’s special brew. “Good?”

“Damn that! This is great! I’m almost tempted to ask the owner for the recipe. I don’t think I’ve ever had regular Columbian roast mixed with a touch of Sumatra, French Vanilla and Hazelnut blended this much to perfection. It’s truly a treat for me.”

“I’m glad, and Brian will be as well.” I smile, before sighing again and resume the conversation where we left off just a few moments ago. “It’s that if Michael and Lindsay can’t have Brian, no one else should either. I wonder how many others they have done this to.”

“Trust me when I tell you that Michael has done it to quite a few here in the Pitts, beginning with Brian’s soccer coach. Although he didn’t have proof at the time, Michael suspected that there was something more than coaching and schoolwork that the coach was helping Brian with…”

“And was he?” I ask, genuinely curious. This was a side of Brian that I wasn’t privy to since it was before I ever met him.

“Yes he was, and I was the only one besides his stepbrother, who knew why. Colin was deeply-closeted, and honestly, Brian was the only one he could trust. Not only that, but somehow the man had found out about Brian’s home life. I would imagine the fact that while the other kids were willing to shower in front of each other, Brian often waiting until he was sure the locker room was empty to do so, would have been a big clue. In that, both Brian and Coach Walker shared a common link. While Brian was abused by Jack and Joan, the coach was abused by his mother and his wife.”

“Oh my God! Why didn’t… why didn’t the coach at least say anything?”

“He couldn’t. First, in reference to himself, who would have believed that he was being physically abused by the manipulative women in his life? Strangely, domestic abuse in that arena happens more frequently than one would believe, but it’s harder to prove because a man is supposed to be stronger than a woman. Ironically, he was taught not to hit women, which is correct, of course… but the source teaching Coach Walker that was questionable since it was his own mother, who had no qualms about beating him with whatever she could get her hands on.”

“And where was his father?”

“He’d left when it got to be too much for him, leaving his son to his ex-wife’s tender mercies. I suppose deep down, the father thought that she would never do that to their son, but he was wrong. From what Colin said, the abuse had always been going on, but it became more frequent once she realized that his father wasn't coming back to her. The day she found out that her ex-husband was divorcing her so that he could remarry, she'd broken three of Colin's ribs. The sad thing is that he married now ex-wife, Marissa, to escape the beatings, but unfortunately ended up with a woman just like her. And let me tell you, Marissa was extremely vicious and vindictive. She would never beat Colin up, without giving herself some bruises as well so that if he even thought to complain, she would scream self-defense. So you see? He couldn’t go to the police on his own behalf, and as for Brian… well, to Brian’s mind, it was a case of the Devil you know. There’s no telling what crapshoot Brian would have been given had he been placed into foster care. So the two of them began an affair, but also devised a plan that would free Brian from the clutches of Jack and Joan.”

“Hence Brian driving himself to the point of exhaustion most days, and then partying like there’s no tomorrow on all the rest,” I say in wonder. “It appears that my vision of Brian has always been terribly skewed.”

“Yes, it would be. Because the three sources who scream the loudest that they know him really have no idea who he is, or why he is the way he is. In fact, besides me and now you, the only person who absolutely knows Brian Kinney is…”  

“Justin,” I say, almost breathlessly. 

Vic nods in affirmation. “With all that Justin has gone through with his own family to date, I have no doubt that Brian would have at least imparted some of his story to Justin. But more telling is the fact that Brian would have instinctively known that he could trust Justin, and that the young man would allow Brian to keep his mystique and dignity. That’s something he could never have found with Michael and Lindsay, who are all about appearances and clout. That’s what their ‘Find Brian’ frenzy is really all about, you know?”

I nod. “It’s because without him, they can’t feel superior, while riding his coattails into the popularity they crave.”

“Which brings me back to the question of what you want to do?”

“Vic…”

“No, Mel. As it stands right now, you’re prepared to live half a life for the sake of Gus. But you’re being abused, too. Now maybe it’s not physically, but who’s to say that Lindsay’s discontent isn’t heading that way? I mean, we both saw evidence of her agitation tonight in reference to Gus. The only saving grace there is that Deb is there with a kitchen full of knives, and wouldn’t hesitate to cut off her hands if she even tried it.”

“Yet, she slaps Michael upside the head at every given opportunity.”

“But it’s only when his stupidity leak is spiraling out of control.” I laugh at Vic’s description, but can’t disagree. “I swear that boy was born without a brain-to-mouth filter.”

“That’s true,” I agree before asking, “So, how do you think I should handle this?”

He sits back from his coffee, which we had ordered a while ago, and is probably cold by now. He takes a sip, and just about stops the awe he’s feeling that it tastes just as good cooled as it does while hot. That’s something that amazed me too when Brian and I met here a few days ago. Even if Del does agree to open a new location on the west coast, I hope she keeps this place operable. It’s truly a gem!

Vic clears his throat again, and I’m forced to look back at him seriously. “I think that while you’re contemplating your next move, that you should also begin preparing to leave.” He holds up his hand to forestall any argument on my part, before continuing. “The bottom line is that both you and Brian have rights to Gus- him as a parent, and you as a guardian- so that shouldn’t be an issue at all. If Lindsay is mistreating Gus in any way, then it’s your responsibility to let the courts know. Not only as his legal guardian, but also as an officer of the court. To not do so would hold you just as responsible as if you’d seen a crime happen and said nothing, and the Mel I know just couldn’t do that. So while I understand your need to be sure that you’ve exhausted every possible angle that Lindsay could use to make your life hell going forward, I think you should also begin looking out for yourself AND Gus, not just one or the other. You can’t be an effective guardian to Gus, if you’re neglecting the same responsibilities to yourself.”

“But doesn’t that seem a little selfish?”

“Mel, listen to me; are you listening?” he asks, using one of the Brian-isms that used to grate on my last nerve. But I can understand why he is.

“Yes.”

“Self-preservation is NEVER a selfish act. You can’t service anyone else, if you yourself are not here, be it physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually. It’s something I had to learn when Rodney and I started dating. Deb wasn't, and still isn’t happy about it, but I had to do what was best for me. I had to think of how I wanted to live MY life so that I could be happy. The problem with Deb is that she hasn’t yet figured out how to do that. She’s made the mistake of wrapping all her happiness up in the one person who is determined to suck the joy out of everyone he comes into contact with. And it's all in the name of not being left to stand on his own two feet. I blame Deb in large part for raising him to believe he's some sort of Sultan with subjects at his disposal. But there comes a point in every man's- every person's- life where they have to decide the kind of adult they want to be. Now, I love my nephew as a person, but I hate every single one of his ways. If he made a conscious decision to change his manipulative ways, then perhaps I would love all of him as I probably should because he’s my flesh and blood. But as it stands right now… yeah, I just can’t.”

And I understand exactly what he is telling me, because I feel the same way about Lindz. I may love her, because the Torah tells me that I have to love all people. But I certainly don’t like her. And it’s times like this that I wonder if, or how I ever did.