CHAPTER THREE: EXPECTATION VERSUS REALITY 2

EMMETT

“Was that her again?” Daphne asks me, rolling her eyes.

I snicker in response. “How did you ever guess?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Perhaps it was hearing that high-pitched screech her son so obviously inherited from her,” Daphne says before sighing. “I don’t understand why she expects everyone to just drop everything simply because Michael is coming home for a visit.”

“Um… not exactly a visit, Honey,” I mutter, unable to stop the frown creasing my brow.

“Excuse me? Could you repeat that a little louder and elucidate?” Daphne asks incredulously.

“Well, I heard it from Vic, who heard it directly from David…”

“Michael’s partner?”

“Sad to say it, but it’s his ex-partner now.”

“What the hell has the cretin done to fuck up this time?!”

“Apparently, David arrived home from work early a few days ago and overheard Michael and Lindsay talking about their plans where Brian and Justin are concerned. According to Vic, David was not only displeased but became suspicious of what Michael would have done to him and Hank if he was so inclined.”

“What does that mean exactly?”

“Just what we have been thinking ourselves, Daph. We have both been wondering aloud to each other what lengths Michael would go in order to see whatever he most wanted to happen. And apparently, David got that kind of revelation, too. Whereas Michael’s emails have been trying to convince us all that he and David have found some sort of Utopia out in Portland, David didn’t mince words when telling Vic about Michael’s discontent. He also told Vic of the numerous and malicious messages that Michael had been leaving on Baby’s phone; something David was completely unaware of until Hank told him, and then David called Justin himself.”

“Figures that David couldn’t see through the boy next door act until it was almost too late for him. No one plays Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde better than Michael Novotny can.”

“I didn’t realize that you felt so strongly about Michael,” I say to her because although she wasn’t a fan by a long shot, Daph also didn’t infer her innermost thoughts on the man, unless she’d witnessed his meanness towards Justin personally.

“I do, Em,” she confirms and then begins to explain why. “It isn’t just about his vicious streak towards Justin, although that pisses me off to no end, too. It’s that he has had you all snowed, I suspect, from the very beginning of your associations. With Brian, it was his chance to live out his Captain Astro fantasies, but with you, Ted, and yes, even Melanie, his penchant for playing innocent took his assholery to a new level, since he would always try to make Brian or Justin out to be the villains in this woebegone tale. But what’s most telling about his personality is the way he treats his mother, even though she can’t see it for what it really is… emotional abuse!”

I think about what she’s saying for a moment before I respond. “I suppose in thinking back over it all, you are right. But if that’s the case, Deb is just as guilty of the same thing in reference to all of us.”

“Who do you think he learned how to do it from?” She sighs again. “The problem is that when she does it, it’s mostly because one of you didn’t give into Michael’s wants, which is mostly consist of your undivided attention and subjugation.”

“Subjugation? But isn’t that like saying we’re…” 

“Slaves to Michael’s whims, whines, and whimpers? Absolutely!” Daphne nods emphatically before continuing in her apparent case analysis of the chronic action-reaction cycle of the Novotnys. “But I don’t think Deb would even get involved if Michael hadn’t manipulated her feelings for and about him from the onset. Quite honestly, he reminds me of the wives in my parents’ social circle. Emotional blackmail- especially in reference to their children- is how the wives are able to keep their husbands in line. Unfettered access to their bank accounts is just an added bonus for those vicious women. And Michael employs the same methods when dealing with Debbie, even though he’s as far removed from high-society as it gets.”

“But that’s something we can never explain to Debbie because…” I’m interrupted in my thought process by alternate banging and ringing of the bell at the door. 

By the time I get over to it, I already have a pretty good indication of who’s there. I sigh. My first inclination is to leave him there banging until he gets the message that this is a whine-free zone. But on the other hand, I know that he won’t stop until he gains entry, or will wait me out like I’ve seen him do to Brian over the years. And since the only way out of the apartment is by way of the fire escape…

As if picking the thoughts right out of my head, Daphne comes to stand by my side. “We can make a run for it. I’m not afraid of heights and neither are you. So I say we just go over to the window, shimmy a little way down the drainpipe and use the fire escape from the next floor down.”

I chuckle. “Why the next floor down?”

“Because if any of your neighbors hear that incessant racket, they won’t hesitate to rat you out to the idiot at the door. But if we get to the floor just beneath us, they can’t prove it’s us attempting to escape what’s about to be known as Alcatraz.”

I can’t help but laugh out loud at her suggestion. Daphne Chanders is one of the most honest, and amusing people I have ever met. She’s also a wiz at planning and strategizing; no wonder she and Baby are besties! But I know that as much as I’d like to take her up on her escape plan, I also know that if I don’t get this conversation over with now, there will be hell to pay later. However, an idea strikes me…

“Let’s just get this over with, but... “

“But?”

“No matter what I say, just play along. Okay?”

She nods, and I release the breath I wasn’t even aware that I was holding. I start over to the door again, just as her laptop begins ringing. I recognize the sound as one from Google Hangouts, and that can only mean ONE person. Ironic, that. “Should I…”

“Yeah, of course! You have to answer him. Besides, if everything works the way I’m hoping it will, this shouldn’t take long.”

As she goes over to click on the green icon to talk, I sigh again as I open the door. “Hey Em! What the hell took you so long to answer the door?! And why doesn’t my key work?!” Michael says by way of greeting. 

He pushes past me to stand inside the entryway, already beginning to drop his suitcase and carry-on bag from his shoulder. I try for as normal a tone as possible, even as I stand there a little annoyed with all the questions. “It’s good to see you, Michael. But Honey, what are you doing here? Deb is expecting you.”

“I thought that I’d come home and drop my stuff off first before going over there. But first, I figured I’d try to catch up with Brian at the loft. You know he hasn’t been returning any of my calls? That bitch who works for him said that he’s still out of the office and she wouldn’t even put me through to his voicemail for me to leave a message.”

There’s a reason for that, but I’m NOT going to be the one to tell him right now. Instead, I say, “Michael, your first stop really should have been at Deb’s.”

“Which reminds me again, why the hell isn’t my key working?”

“That’s easy. It’s because I changed the locks.”

“Well, then I need a new one.”

“No. No, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do! Besides, I know that you haven’t found a roommate yet.”

“Oh? And how do you know that?”

“Because Ma would have told me when I talked to her.”

I sigh again. “Michael, Deb doesn’t know everything about our lives. Sometimes, we actually DO make our own decisions without checking with everyone else to see what they think about it. That’s called being an adult.”

“Whatever. Anyway, I just want to put my stuff away and get my key so I can go see Brian.”

“And you can do all of that, Michael… at your mother’s house. You aren’t staying here since I doubt that my roommate would approve.”

“Your roommate?” He whines but then brightens. “Well tell him that they have to stay somewhere else while I’m here. I mean, I would tell them myself but I don’t know him.”

“Actually, you do know her.”

“Her? But I would never approve of some chick staying in MY apartment! You do remember that it is still technically MINE, right Emmett?”

I chuckle sarcastically then, before clearing out the cobwebs from his brain. “WRONG, Michael. The lease on this place ended about two weeks after you moved in with David. And since it was Deb’s name on the lease, she and I decided not to renew it with her name on it… or yours. I think she was already anticipating that you would make your new life with David work long-term, so to her mind, you didn’t need a backup plan. That’s usually how a real couple works, right? Therefore, you would technically only be a guest here. Well, that would be the case IF you were staying… which you’re not… because well, my roommate doesn’t like you.”

“What the fuck are you talking about, Emmett?! And who is this chick that supposedly doesn’t like me?! I’m liked by everybody, but I don’t know her!” he screeches, and I’m suddenly wishing I had the ball gag on top of my bedside table handy.

Before I actually respond to his continuing diatribe about how he’s loved by everyone, and how everyone knows that if they want a place in his mother’s or Brian’s life that they have to be nice to him, Daphne appears in the entryway. She huffs out, while still holding her laptop in her right hand, “Oh, for God’s sake, I thought I recognized that whine.” 

“YOU?! What the FUCK are YOU doing HERE?!” Michael’s screech has now reached the kind of pitch that should have every dog in the building howling.

Daphne shrugs nonchalantly, even as I take a peek at the computer screen to see Baby wincing. “I live here. The question is: what are YOU doing here? Shouldn’t you still be in Oregon living your version of ‘Paradise Lost’?”

“Shows what you know, Daphne,” he sneers. “I was in PORTLAND…”

“Which is in Oregon, Idiot,” she answers, as if Michael needed remedial classes on how to think. “Anyway, I think my roomie has explained the situation to you enough times for you to finally get the fact that YOU. DO. NOT. LIVE. HERE. ANYMORE! So now, please be so kind as to FUCK OFF to the door behind you, and don’t let the doorknob hit you where the good Lord split you, or a dog should've bit ya. Em and I have more important things to do, like change our nail polish. Buh-bye!”

“Em?” Michael looks at me with those pitiful, puppy-dog eyes, but honestly, I’m all out of sympathy. After what he and Ms. Peterson tried to do to Baby and Big Bad, what I used to consider endearing I just see as egregious. 

So instead of his usual reach for empathy working, I say, “You heard her, Michael. I’m sure Deb will be ecstatic to entertain you for the remainder of your stay. How long is that again?”

He doesn’t answer, but turns towards the door. Of course, he couldn’t leave quietly without one last parting shot. “You know, Emmett, you forget who was there for you when you were burned out of your old rinky-dink apartment...”

“How could I? You took care to remind me and everyone else, EVERY chance you had. Give Deb my love, and tell her that I hope she enjoys her time with you, Honey.”

“It’s Friday, so she’s expecting you for dinner, Em… without the extra company.” He pointedly looks at Daphne, but she just rolls her eyes at his continued petulance.

“Yes, well, things and people change, Michael. That’s another thing that you should know and remember.” 

And as he finally slams the door behind him, I turn to Daphne. “You know that wasn’t such a bad performance. So how about making it a reality?”

“What?” Both Daph and Baby squeak out, and I have to laugh. They really are adorable.

“How about moving in here? No doubt, Michael will probably be following you around to make sure I was telling the truth. He’s that way, you know?”

Baby huffs. “Yeah, I remember from when I stayed with Deb for that short time. We caught him going through my things several times, and he said that he was just making sure that I was telling the truth about me not being a chronic drug abuser like Blake. Such an asshole! He knew that the only times I ever took anything was when I was out with Brian. And for him to say that shit about Blake...”

I can see Daph bristling all over again, and try to stem the tide by asking for her answer. “So how about it, Daph? Besides, you know when they find out that you own a piece of the Diner- and they will- you’ll need the backup that only the other residents of this place can provide. No matter what Michael thinks about his importance to the Avenue, because of his association with Deb and Brian, no one here really likes him. They’ve seen through his facade of niceness for years, but have never had a reason to call him on it… until now.”

“He makes a good point Daph.” Baby nods in agreement, before making our case a little more. “Besides, you’ll need a quiet place to study, which is something you’re not likely to get in the dorms. Also, a lot of the people who live there in the building either work early in the morning, or attend college themselves, so they have quiet hours beginning nine at night from Sunday through Thursday. I can’t think of a better set of circumstances.”

“But what about when Em has... company? I don’t want to become another Michael like he and Lindsay were with you and Brian at the loft,” she explains her reluctance to us, but I’m quick to reassure her.

“It won’t be like that, Honey. Besides, my uh-gentleman and I usually meet at the Schickle mansion since George is his uncle.”

“WHAT?!” Both Baby and Daph exclaim, before demanding details.

“Oh alright, but you have to keep it a secret since because of his profession… well, he’s not out, and to the world at large he has a fiancee.”

“And she’s okay with this? And are you? I mean, you’re basically returning to the closet to be with someone,” Daph points out.

I smile at her; at both of them really, to let them know that I really am okay in all of this. “Yeah, he’s worth it. And yes, she’s okay with everything, since it was her suggestion. Besides, she has her own secrets, so to speak.”

“Is that how you were able to secure the mansion for Mel and Lindsay’s botched wedding?” Justin asks me, and I nod enthusiastically.

“Yeah. Georgie loves me, and he’s a sucker for romance, even if he thought that wedding was ill-fated from the beginning. He and his partner, Malcolm, are totally into the whole Mercury in Retrograde theory. They are also on the down low, at least until his divorce from Virginia Hammond is final.”

“Yeah, she’s a real bitch.” Daphne rolls her eyes at the mention of the old woman. “So?? Just who is this secret lover of yours?”

“It’s Drew Boyd,” I answer, smiling so wide that my cheeks are beginning to hurt. “So you see, Daph. You’ll have more protection than you bargained for since he comes with a whole football team, some of whom hang out down on Liberty because of their siblings. But more importantly, you’ll be providing protection for me, too. There’s no way in hell that Michael wouldn’t be playing Inspector Midget trying to find out what’s going on with me. I know you wouldn’t do that.”

She nods, and I know I have her. “We need to talk rent, and all the other stuff, but… It will be my honor to protect you, Emmett.”

And with a beaming smile for both of my besties, I ask, “So how’s California? Are you and Big Bad having a blast yet?”

“Oh a blast, and then some! We went to this underground event last night called the Cum-stacular and…”

Daph and I settle in on the sofa in the living room, hanging on every word that Baby has to say. And all the while I’m thinking that their move was the absolute right thing for Baby. He looks absolutely radiant with happiness. I suppose being free of Michael and Lindsay’s machinations would do that to anyone. But then he drops a bombshell on both of us that was the furthest thing from our minds, but confirms a suspicion I was loathe to admit aloud when I saw Michael’s adamacy about moving back in.

“You know, guys, that Michael has been sent home.”

“We were just talking about that before you called in, and Dumbo was at the door.” Daph confirms for the both of us. 

“But how did you find out, since as far as I was told, this all happened after you and Brian made the rounds on Monday night.” I ask, genuinely curious.

“Brian and I were just finishing up dinner with Vic and my mom when David called Vic. That in and of itself is very telling, since we would have all expected that David would have called Deb in reference to any problems with Michael- physical or otherwise. But he didn’t, so Brian and I definitely knew that something was up. Then David called me directly a few days ago, asking for me to forward all of Michael’s voicemails to him, which I had no qualms about doing. I mean, if it meant that David would act as Michael’s metaphorical leash and muzzle, then I was all for a means to control him without being directly involved myself. But as for how I know exactly what happened that resulted in Michael and David being officially over… well, that’s due to David’s son, Hank. He and I have been emailing back and forth since he’d visited Pittsburgh awhile back, and have developed a mentor/pupil type relationship since he’s very business-oriented even at his age. Anyway,  needless to say that Hank is ecstatic because his father has returned Michael to Debbie’s care.”

“Oh fuck!” I exclaim.

“What?”

“The whining that’s about to be heard all over Pittsburgh from the Novotnys is about to become legendary,” I inform them both.

“Jus, do you have room for guests?” Daphne turns more fully to the computer screen.

“Why?” he asks.

“Because, despite that it might be considered a public service, I have the feeling that I’m going to end up committing a couple of murders. So after I hide the bodies, I’ll need somewhere to go. I know you’ll give me an alibi,” she answers so matter-of-factly that the two of us can’t help but laugh.

“Oh my God, with you around, Daph, I will never be bored!”

MICHAEL

I trudge up the stairs, leading to the ONE place I never thought I’d have to ever return to. I don’t want to be here; I don’t want to live with her again! I just came from the loft, and not only did my key NOT work, but Brian wasn’t home. I called, and he’s still not answering his fucking phone. He’s got some major explaining to do!

Fucking David! Fucking Hank! Fucking Boy Wonder! This is all their fault! Now I have to endure the tender mercies of my mother again, and why? 

All because I told that fucking twink the truth, which is that he has no place in our lives. Well, as soon as Brian hears that I’m back, he’ll fix this. And maybe, just maybe, he’ll either let me live with him, or pay for me to have a new place- one better than the apartment that Emmett is now sharing with Boy Wonder’s fucking fag hag. He owes me that much at least! And I intend to collect as soon as I’m able to escape. 

Hopefully, that will be soon, because I… She’s going to go on a smothering spree and I don’t know if I can take it. It’s okay when I need her to fix shit for me, or make others do what I want them to do, but having to be the sole focus of her attention is… Unwanted and unacceptable when it should be Brian consoling me since it’s his former fucking boytoy’s fault that I had to come back in the first place! DAMNIT! BRIAN OWES ME! 

And living with her again is going to be just like it was in high school- unbearable! Having to return here is going to negate all I’ve worked so hard to achieve as Brian’s wingman. They are going to look at me as an eternal mama’s boy again, and thanks to fucking David and that asshole, Justin, I don’t have a choice if I don’t want to sleep on a park bench. And I just know that the first thing she’s going to insist on is me getting my old job back once she finds out that David and I aren’t together anymore. I can just hear her comments now about the whole fucking thing. 

She’s going to blame me, since in her eyes, fucking Sunshine can do no wrong. Then I’ll have to endure her orders and pep talks again, which will only result in me being even more miserable than I am right now. But if she can make Brian take me in… Yeah, right! What are the odds of that?!

I sigh again, as I turn the knob to reenter my own personal version of hell.