- Text Size +

 

 

Chapter 11 ~ Swan Song

“No one commits suicide because they want to die. Then why do they do it? Because they want to stop the pain” 
~Tiffanie DeBartolo~

 

 

 

Same time - Gibsonia, PA 

Edward Swanson glanced at the clock on his computer screen. He took a deep breath and attached the finished document to his email. Before sending it, he had one more thing to do. 

 

He needed to place the goodbye note he had written to his wife. He had left her sleeping in their bed to finally do what he should have done a long time ago. He felt calmer than he had been in a while, he felt relieved. Never before had he been so sure about anything. It was the right decision. Any alternative would cause more harm, more pain. 

 

Although he’d pretty much been born with a silver spoon in his mouth and done well in life, he was not a happy man. After finishing his degree in pharmaceutics he took over his father’s pharmacy as had been the plan for him ever since he could remember. He remained unmarried for a long time until his friends took it upon themselves ten years ago to find him a wife. He’d met Chloe at a dinner party. She was very beautiful, petite and certainly did not look her 36 years. She was well educated, had a good job and had always wanted children. They then got married after an appropriately long engagement and two years later their daughter was born, followed by a boy three years after her. 

 

He did very well financially, the children were healthy and happy.  He owned a large house, nice cars and they traveled to many exotic destinations. He and Chloe were active supporters of various charities and their social circle consisted of the right kind of people. On the outside they seemed to have the perfect life. Their personal life had always been peaceful, they had never once argued but there was no passion. He knew his wife had a secret lover and in fact he doubted their younger child was his. He wanted his wife to be happy, so he didn’t mind. He too lived a double life. 

 

But his was not mere infidelity. It was so much worse. He had unnatural urges. He was sexually attracted to young teens. Never had he felt he could share his problem and seek professional help. The shame was too heavy a burden, yet he couldn’t stop.

 

Pedophile. 

 

He detested the word. Child pornography disgusted him. He just loved being with young boys. His thoughts took him back to the last time he saw Brian. That was two days ago. 

 

‘ “Quit the crying Swanson. You’re not the one who just got fucked.”  Brian rested  lazily on the sofa while he himself sat weeping on the bed. Sweet Brian, never had he loved a kid more. He kept coming back to spend more time with him. It was really like an addiction. And now he was really worried about him. Brian had lost weight and was going through the drugs he brought him a lot faster now. The white of his eyes looked like his liver was in trouble. 

 

“Does your arm still hurt? Did I hurt you?” he’d asked. 

 

“Oh please” Brian drawled. “It wasn’t you who broke it, and you got me the good pain pills…. you know Birdie, I actually like you. You never hurt me.”  Brian grinned cynically, his smile didn’t reach his eyes. 

 

“And... I know it’s because of you that they treat Justin better than the rest of us. And Jack hasn’t touched either of us since…” he lifted his emaciated looking arm. The skin was so pale, it hadn’t yet recovered. How did you swing that? Did you threaten him somehow? 

 

“Yeah, well I know it would kill you if Justin got hurt” he got up from the bed and moved over to Brian fishing a small tube of hydrocortisone from his bag. “Can I apply some of this to your arm, it’s very helpful” he asked and when Brian didn’t protest he started rubbing generous amounts to his peeling skin while quietly talking to him.

 

“and no, I didn't threaten anyone, I would be dead by now if I'd done that. So I bought Justin's virginity… but I was stalling… and then he got sick so I’ve told them I’m waiting for when he’s recovered. I'm not going to uhm...you know... but I was thinking it would keep him safe for a while. I worry so much about you Brian, don’t you know how much I care about you?”  

 

Brian's eyes were intense as he stared back in silence before he spoke again. 

“How about getting us out of here then? Don’t you know that I would let you fuck me every day of week any which way you’d  like to if you got Justin and me out of here.”  

 

Yeah. Of course he’d thought about that, he’d been looking for ways to help him but it wasn’t as simple as Brian made it sound. “Brian it’s not… it’s not as easy as that. Don’t you realize that they would bring you right back here... or somewhere else and kill both of you! And me… or let me live and watch when they’d bring my children here and...“

 

“How about calling the police, how about confessing?” he demanded.

 

“I can’t ! My children would never forgive me… They’ll never… Oh hell, I should just kill myself !”  Oh yeah. I finally said that out loud. And Brian wasn’t in the  least shocked. “Yeah... well… maybe you should”  he spat bitterly without hesitating. “But if you do, please call the police first. Now get the fuck out of here!” 

 

He’d then gotten up but before leaving Brian he’d taken a bag with a few bottles of pills from his coat’s pocket and handed it to him. 

 

“Don’t use it too fast. You’re no good in protecting the others if you‘re too stoned. And please behave. I’ll do what I can. I promise.’

 

That was the last time he'd seen Brian. He would never be able to correct what he had done, but perhaps if there was a God somewhere, perhaps it wasn’t too late to stop it. 

 

 

He took out the letter and read it over one last time. 

 

Dear Chloe, 

I have chosen to end my life. I’m in too deep in the worst imaginable way and I’m not brave enough to face my punishment. I am a pedophile and I have done unforgivable things. I cannot endure my guilt any longer. I beg you not to tell the children what I have done and I hope the news of my sick nature will not spread to disgrace you. You are a good person. I’m sorry that I have not been able to love you more. You and the children will be taken well care off. Please believe that I have never touched our children in that way. I don’t want you or the children to find me. I have chosen a place away from our home and will notify the police.

Edward.

 

 

He folded the letter and placed it where he knew his wife would find it. 

 

 

He read the email one last time. 

 

From: e.swanson@cygnuspharmacy.com

To: c.horwath@pittsburghpa.gov.us

Cc: report@pittsburghpa.gov.us, just-tell@fbi.gov.us

 

 

Subject: My confession

 

I deeply regret that I haven’t contacted your department earlier. It would have prevented a lot of pain but I was afraid for the safety of my family. It took me longer than I hoped to gather all the evidence I needed. I can only hope that you will be able to get to the children before it is too late. I worry for their lives. It may be too late already. 

I have decided to end my life because I can not live with myself any longer and can not bear the thought of having my crime become known in prison.

Attached to this mail you'll find a list of names and locations. It is important for the safety of my family that the list will not fall into the hands of the wrong people who are involved in this horrible crime. I have been threatened. You will see from the list that some of those people are influential people in our community including politicians, members of the Police Force and Family Services. For these reasons I have also sent a copy to the FBI. I have exchanged emails with similarly sick people around the world. I know for a fact that those people are not working alone. There is proof of that in my computer which you will find in the trunk of my car. I have backups in my bank safety deposit box. Before I end my life I will phone in my location so that I can be found. 

 

Edward Swanson

1034 Victoria Place

Gibsonia PA 15044

-  -  


He then hit the send button, placed his laptop in its case, got up, collected his handgun and quietly left the house. He drove his car to a park near his house and found a quiet area where he parked his car. He dialed 911 and informed the dispatcher of his location. “Can you confirm that you have my location? I’m ending my life. Please notify the police” he listened to the voice on the other end for a few seconds. 

 

“No sir, I don’t want help. It’s too late. I want the police to find my body before someone else does.”  

 

He ended the call, said a short prayer, put the gun in his mouth, and pulled the trigger. 



-   -

You must login (register) to review.