Chapter 9 ~ Is this the End? 

“Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end” 

~John Lennon~

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What follows are different points of view from the same window of time. Sunday before dawn.

Brian’s point of view

He's gone. It’s over, he’s safe. I can finally relax. Hunter and Cynthia just gave up and left to go inside. They've been trying to talk me down from this tree all night but I'm done. I just need this to end. My eyes half closed, not really aware of my surroundings. I'm so fucking stoned, I took a mixture of whatever pills I could find. I went to my usual hiding spot behind the barn, I think I’m still there… not sure. The world looks like it's bent out of shape...beautiful sounds... it's dark but I see colors, deep purple, red and blue colors... It's like a giant stew, and it's turning slowly around me. It's stopped raining now. But everything is wet and nice. Ther air is fresh. I feel the air fill me. I turn my head. A flower next to me has a droplet of water running off of it’s petal. It looks like it’s crying. Maybe it’s crying for me. “Don’t cry littl' flower, everything is ok now. Everything's fine...” 

Maybe I'm dreaming. No, I'm not I can feel my fingers when I pinch myself. I think I'm perhaps lying down now... not sure what is up any more... He said he loved me and I just stood there and said nothing. NOTHING. I’m so fucking useless. I couldn’t even tell HIM. He was the fucking reason I’ve been going on. The only reason I’ve been getting up in the morning… eating… breathing. The sounds are somehow mocking me now. Even the birds are calling my name. "ry.... brr… n... bri... bri... Brian!.... BRIAN!! FUCK!!!!

And that's when I realize those weren’t birds but Cynthia trying to warn me.

"Get up off your lazy ass you goddamn useless fag! Get to work!!"  Jack is looming over me and pulling me up. I can't stand so I fall right back down. He starts drags me away. My face is in the mud. I don't care. Because he's gone. It's going to be ok. 

Someone is helping  him now. They pull me up and I'm leaning against a wall again. A slap in my face... and then I recognize him. He's a regular. First came here shortly after Justin arrived with three others. And many times after that. I stare at him blankly and he slaps my face again. Hello Saperstein. 

I spit in his face, because… fuck him. And then I'm on the ground again and he's kicking me. The pain seems far away, but it's coming closer... Shit! That one hurt, I can’t breathe… I'm not gonna scream, because I know he likes that. 

"He's yours, gentlemen" 

Gentlemen? As in more than one? Two guys pull me up and now I see. Oh yay. Dr. Mark is here too. Perfect. Maybe they'll kill me this time. They push me inside and I trip and roll down the stairs.... I hit my head and see stars. I black out for a moment. The next thing I know I'm face down on the bed and one of them is raping me. I'm half unconscious still, kind of hoping I can just sail through this. Trying to distance myself from my body is useless, he’s deliberately trying to be rough and his disgusting fingers are pressing painfully into my hips but finally he cums moaning and swearing . 

"My turn" It's the Sap. "Wake up twink, you’re no fun if you’re asleep!" Oh God, he's such a sadist. He pulls me up and tries to fuck my mouth. He stinks so bad I gag and nearly throw up. I don’t know why I thought it was a good idea to scratch his balls. He throws me on the floor and leaves the room. Dr. Mark is on the couch laughing hysterically, he must think this is very funny.  The Sap reappears with a toolbox in hand 

“You need to be tought a lesson you stupid little whore.” Mark gets up and I’m too slow to get away. They corner me, I try to fight them, but they’re just so much stronger than me. While Mark sits on my back his knee holding my head to the floor Gary destroys my fingers one by one. I didn’t think I could feel this much pain, it takes my breath away at first, then I just scream until finally after what feels forever darkness saves me. 

Justin’s point of view

Through my hammering heartbeat and cough that won't go away, I hear different sounds in the forest. No, this is not a nightmare, I've just gone crazy maybe. I'm half running along the driveway towards the farm. It’s slowly getting bright. I stop to catch my breath.

Although I tried everything to keep myself awake, I must have passed out because when I woke up it was after 3 am. The bed was so nice, so clean, everything in there was amazing but I had to go. I got up and quietly slipped out of my room. Mom was in her own room. I took all the money from her purse. It wasn’t much but I figured it would be enough for a cab. I then used her iPad to look up the address of Jack Kinney. Getting out of the hotel unseen was easier than I had thought. The lobby was much busier at night than I had thought it would be. There were a bunch of people with suitcases in the lobby and there was a line for check out. All staff members including Damien were busy. A woman was asking the doorman where the pick-up for American Airlines was. I had put my hoodie on just in case but I don't think they noticed as I slipped right past them. 

It wasn’t easy finding a ride.  The first cab driver refused to drive an unaccompanied minor and told me to go back to the hotel. The second one asked me if I was a hustler and threatened to call the police. Am I a hustler now? I really don't know, but I'm sure I look the part. Mom, Justyna and Damien all noticed something was wrong. I walked a bit away from the hotel and tried another without result, he didn't want to drive outside the city. I finally managed to find a cab driver who didn't ask any questions, but the drive was a lot longer than I had anticipated. I told him how much money I had and asked him if there was any other way I could pay him. Then we stopped in the middle of nowhere in the dark and I gave him a hand job. Yeah… I wasn’t thinking very clearly. He was kind enough to not kill me I guess, he even thanked me, gave me a tissue and told me to be careful. “That's no nice place over there,” he said when we arrived at the driveway and refused to drive all the way up the road, so I had to walk about half a mile. What am I getting myself into? I know first hand that it's a really really bad place and if I had any sence at all I should be running in the other direction scared as fuck. But I don’t care. I don't feel afraid. I have to find Brian. 

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Cynthia’s point of view

I grew up alone with my mother, that is I don't remember much of when she was married to my father. She left him when I was 6. We lived in so many different places we were constantly moving. There were different guys, new boyfriends and none of them good for her, some of them hit her. So maybe I've inherited from her my inability to read boys. We moved for the last time when I was 12 and this time she took me to her parents. It was strange, I hadn't seen them for years and they weren't very welcoming to us. I was supposed to be in bed but I sneaked out of the room and sat on the top of the stairs listening to them argue. I remember overhearing them tell my mother that leaving my father was a bad idea and she should have known that she would never be able to take care of me alone. That I was too skinny and she was obviously not capable of providing and that she needed to get help get her act together stop stealing and get clean. I was so confused, what did they mean? I thought it was ok, I got new clothes all the time and we ate ok, I just don't get fat and that's good right? Get clean how? My mum wasn't dirty, Stealing? What? 

The next day my mom took me to some office and left me. She said she was sorry and that she had to go and that she would come get me soon. Then she left. I don't know where my mother is now or if she's even alive. 

I was 2 years in different foster homes before I came to live with Brian and his family. It was ok for the most part, if I behaved and did my school work, I never got into any serious problems, but it was always temporary. Apparently they were always trying to find a long term solution for me. And this is it. Jack’s farm. I don't understand it. While I was in temporary care and at first when I came here there was always someone who visited once a month but they don't anymore, and this is by far the worst place I've been living. Joan takes the same pills for her pain as mom did, but my mom was never angry with me. She was always so kind.

It was kind of ok here in the beginning. I had small problems back then. I was confused because I had a major crush on Brian and tried to catch his attention… maybe a little bit too much. Nothing worked. I was so used to boys at school hitting on me all the time, and finally when I found someone I was actually interested in, he was not liking me back. I was used to not always getting what I want but it still hurt... I had all those thoughts... 

'Is there something wrong with me? Are my breasts too small? I'm not smart like him… I'm just a foster kid who can't finish my homework… maybe it’s because he’s scared of his dad and doesn't want to be with such a trashy girl like me…' 

I mean Jack is creepy I never liked him and he's always so awful to Brian so that would have made sense if Brian was avoiding me because of Jack. Anyway if Jack would know there was something going on he would probably hurt him bad. Maybe he's just exhausted because I know that I am sometimes and we were constantly busy working. On the other hand we were also 14, and some of the guys in our class were total children. But he was NOT a child, he looked older than the rest of us, he was the tallest one in class, moving around like some kind of a cat. He could have been a dancer I think or a model... I mean all the hot guys in advertisements could just pack up their stuff and go home. 

We were really busy at home. There was a lot of work to be done every single day, but we still managed to have so much fun. Me, silly Janet, the boys. The four of us got along great, messing around in school, looking after each other, avoiding the bullies, hiding from the grown ups at home, coming up with our secret language. Hunter and Brian had this smart-competition going on, but it was just friendly and funny, never about winning. They were so much smarter than me. When we stopped going to school sometimes we watched TV at night, and Brian came up with all those funny ideas for how the advertisements should be different. I imagined him becoming hugely successful one day. And I wanted to be his assistant. 

One day I was complaining to Hunter about how I didn’t understand why Brian didn’t want me and he was silent for a while but then he said  “Dude, maybe he’s not into girls…”

Shit. 

then he quietly added, “I am though… and I kinda like you… “ 

Double shit. Hunter was cute, smart and adorable but I liked Brian. Why did life have to be so damn tragic? 

I didn’t know the meaning of tragic back then.

It started with Jack. I didn't tell anyone. Maybe I should have told Claire, when she visited, that her dad was a creepy creepy old man who stares at me, but how does one do that to a complete stranger. I wish I'd told her. It might have prevented all of this.

It started with the staring, I noticed that soon after I came but I wasn't surprised, it's happened before. Some men just do that… don't they? My mother had boyfriends who liked to stare at me. It also happened in school, I'm used to having to push annoying boys away. But Jack is not a boy.

When he's drunk, which was most days he likes to grab me and tell me I was a good looking one. I hated that. One day he cornered me in the basement. I was doing laundry and he surprised me. He grabbed me and started kissing me and I pushed him away and told him I was gonna tell Joan. 

"Joan knows you're a seducing little pussy, she doesn't care what I do to you. Don't you dare tell anyone, I'll make you regret it." 

I was so scared, but I didn't tell anyone. I just tried to avoid being alone, sometimes even asking the boys if I could sleep in their rooms.

It didn't always work, he somehow always managed to catch me alone and before long he started coming to my room at night. I woke up and he was on top of me. It happened many times.

"If you tell anyone no one is gonna believe you"

"If you care about your friends you keep your mouth shut"

And I never told anyone. I wish I would have said something, maybe I could have prevented everything but I was afraid he'd hurt Brian and Hunter and I didn't think anyone would believe me.

When Kira arrived he went after her too.

We finally told Brian and he confronted Jack about it. Jack lost it, said we were lying and threatened to kill us all. The next day the others started coming. So yeah. He made me regret telling. Many many times.

We quickly realized after Justin came to live here that he was the one who had Brian’s attention, or his protection more like it. He would actively try to gain the attention of our 'guests' and the way he almost bullied Justin to act busy in stables in the beginning was a clear enough sign. 

Something broke inside Brian when they started taking Justin to the basement, the fact that his arm was in a cast from Jack’s assaults wasn’t even half his injury. Then yesterday afternoon when Justin’s mom showed up and took him away, it was as if he froze. He acted all cool about it but I know something inside him just gave up. He was very silent when we tended to the animals. I took us a long time, Brian should not be using his arm yet, it's still weak and he's still hurting, he hides it very well but I can see it. When we were done with half of it he went outside to smoke.

The robot gave up for good last month and we now use the old milking machines. Hunter can make them work but my hands are too small and I keep dropping the cups straight on to the floor sucking up dirt and what not. It doesn’t really matter. No one collects the milk. We just pour it down afterwards. But we have to milk the cows or they’ll get sick. There’s not that many of them anymore. Jack never calls the vet. He just takes the cows out back and shoots them if they get sick. Same as he did with the dog. 

Everything is dirty, it hasn’t been this bad since last year when we were still at school. We haven’t been managing the stables well in the past few weeks. With Brian's arm and Justin being sick it’s really just Hunter who's been taking care of everything. Apart from Brian he's always been the strongest one of us. The feed is about to be finished and I can't help but worry about what's gonna happen to those poor animals. This is such hell.

After we finished Hunter and I both sat with Brian for a long time talking with him, hoping that we could make him feel better. We did all the talking really about all and nothing while he chain smoked a bunch of cigarettes and mostly threw in agreeing noises here and there when we told him it was great that Justin's mom had picked him up. The sun went down and we reminded him that we needed to go, that we had planned to go when it got dark enough. He didn't respond. When it got nearer to midnight I begged him to come inside because it was starting to rain. He refused. Hunter and me decided to give him some peace, Hunter put his jacket around Brian’s shoulders and we left him. 

When we came out of the stables we realized the yard was full of cars. Right... it was one of those nights. A bunch of guys and a few women came by for playing cards and drinking. And they needed us for service as they call it. It's most weekends. Kira and me pour them drinks, they grope us, make us sit with them until one of them gets horny enough to want more. Last time one of them tried to have sex with me on the couch and Joan wouldn’t have it. "Not in my living room," she said and he took me downstairs. I guess the couch is more important than me. Shit... where is my sweet Kira...I don't want to think about it.

The party was loud enough we could hear them shouting and cat calling as soon as we came out of the cowhouse. We saw through the window that a lady was on the dining table dancing half naked. Haven't seen her before. She seemed to be having fun. I sure as hell was not gonna go in there. Actually, it would be a great time to leave now, they are all busy and they won't notice anything until we're far away. 

"We should make a run for it," Hunter said. He was thinking the same, "Let's get Brian"

But Brian didn't want to go. 

"What for? There are snakes and bears and coyotes in the forest, and our neighbors come here you know that. If we take the road one of them might spot us and bring us back. Do you really want that to happen to you on poker night? There's too many of them, it'll get really busy…" he drawled out the last words cynically.

He was probably right it wasn't safe. Or maybe now that Justin was gone he had lost his number one drive to get away. 

He popped a few pills and added, " might as well wait a few days. It's not gonna make a difference, it's easier to hitch a ride in daylight. Besides, Swanson didn't come tonight he always comes on Saturdays. His wife thinks he has a club meeting. I think he's up to something. I think he's gonna help us." 

It could be true but he also sounds as if he's trying to assure himself. But then again he knows Swanson pretty well. He likes him I think. I think I do too, he's definitely one of the good guys.

Brian then asked us to leave, said he needed to be alone. We didn't want to go inside the house so we decided to sleep in the barn. The end that faces the house is what we call the messy end and because it hasn’t been tidied up forever it’s been one of our favorite places to hide out. It’s overfilled with all kinds of old things that belonged to Brian’s grandfather and that Jack hasn’t bothered to throw away. 

There’s a couple of old cars with covers on them parked in one end and around them, and on top of them as well, someone has put a bunch of cases and material that was apparently meant for fixing up the house or something. I never understood why they bought so many things and then never got the work done but never mind that, it made a great hiding place and we climbed into one of them and tried to get some sleep. 

It was hard to fall asleep. I was worried about Brian. And they were loud inside, they took the party to the yard for a while and it took a long time for them to finally get going, discussing who was in the best shape to drive and who could get a lift and other annoying topics. But they finally left one after another. I was a bit cold even though Hunter was spooning me, and also, my stomach is hurting. Actually my whole body is hurting. I'm too skinny, I haven’t really been eating lately, I'm hungry sometimes but the food just smells bad and I'm nauseous. Shit… when was my last period… can't remember...

I drifted in and out of sleep for what seemed forever until I heard it. A car drove in, loud music sounded from the speakers and then the engine was killed and someone  slammed the door. Good, at least his lack of respect woke me. I recognized the voices. Oh no! Those guys. I hate their high, fake polite sounding voice, their sardonic smiles disgust me. They come for the boys. Saperstein and Mark. I know the boys hate them too. I know they were part of the gang who raped Brian that one time. It was bad.

I quickly woke up Hunter and demanded that he stayed right there while I went to warn Brian. He'd been sitting behind the barn all night getting wasted. Too wasted I think. He was so out of it he didn’t hear me try to warn him and I was too scared to go near them when I realized Jack had come for him. I watched him drag Brian away… and now I am worried that me trying to warn him may have led Jack to him.

When I finally made it back to our hiding place I was terrified Hunter was not there anymore. It's too quiet. Did they get him too? I was so terrified. I hated how scared I was. 

It turned out he thought I was one of them coming for him and he made himself quiet as a mouse so he would be found. I went back inside the car, only to realize I’d made a huge mistake. This end of the barn faces the house and the wall is thin. 

So now we’re stuck there in the pitch black darkness listening to our friend being tortured inside the house unable to do anything to help him. 

Fucking hell I should have picked a different hiding spot. I can hear them. They are going at him. He’s screaming in pain. I bite my knuckles until I can taste blood so I don’t scream too. The car is humid from sleeping in it all night and the air feels heavy.  I’m shaking, my teeth chattering, I feel so nauseous. Hunter holds me tightly. He probably means well but it’s making me feel worse. Brian's screams are so terrible and it sounds so near. The feeling of being utterly useless weighs on me like a ton of bricks. My mouth fills with saliva. 

The screaming has stopped, it’s silent now. 

I try to break free, speaking through my teeth “Hun...ter… lemme go! I have to throw up!” He releases me and I scramble to the door, just managing to open it just enough so that I don’t puke inside it. 

"We h-haveto h-helpim!" I choke out between my heavings and start getting out and try to break free from Hunter's hold but he won’t let me. He hugging me from behind and petting my arms and shoulders softly “No... they’ll kill you… we need to stay until it’s safe...until they leave” 

We keep waiting, but they're still here, we would hear the car if they left.

Hunter is scared too. “Do you think they killed him Cynthia,” he said in a shaky voice. “ 

I don't know. Is he dead? Can we even get away from them? What if we run and they find us? We can’t trust social nor the Church, there are people both places involved. We can’t even trust the police. My thoughts are raging, my head is literally boiling over. 

"I shouldn’t have been hiding, I can always manage them. It’s quick, I pretend to like it and they never hurt me" Hunter says dejectedly. 

"None of this is our fault Hunter, they're disgusting monsters. Waste of air and space!" 

Oh... of course...

My decision washes over me like a fresh calming stream of water. If I go to prison for the rest of my life at least I’ll know I did the world a favor and if I die I’m sure it will be better than this. 

“That’s it. No more. I don’t care if it kills me. I want them dead. Let's get the rifle and bloody shoot them all." 

Hunter doesn't  say anything, it’s dark so I can't see his expression. 

"Are you with me or not?" 

“Yeah…” his voice is calm and he speaks slowly, very unlike him, “I was thinking the same but we need to plan this, I’d like us to live.”

Alright we need a plan. We'll get the rifle from the gun closet. And then what? Can we even protect ourselves? Maybe they have guns too. We know Joan has a small handgun. 

"Do you know how to shoot?" I ask him. 

"Yes. I do. Why do you think I'm called Hunter?" I never thought about that. How did I live with him for over a year now and never think to ask why he had this nickname?

"My grandfather looked after me a lot before he lost his marbles. He took me hunting a lot," he paused. "but I haven't used one for years now."

“Same." One of my mother's boyfriends was obsessed with guns and he taught me, but I was like 11. I told him that. "But it’s like riding a bicycle isn’t it? We’re still gonna know how to use them, aren't we?”

We agree we needed to surprise them, but how? How can we make sure they're busy?

"I've wanted to torch this place forever" Hunter admitted.

Because of the thick darkness I can't see his face. Hunter is a true bullshit artist but he sounds dead serious. I relax in his arms. We both have a valid reason to want to see bad things happen to this place and the people connected to it.

And so we make a plan. We'll find the guns, then take some petrol and pour it inside the middle floor and down the stairs that lead to the basement and then accidentally drop the lighter on our way out. And if we got caught we'd use the guns. I’ll work right?

We crawl out of the car and I notice the first light of the morning seeping in through the windows. We were so used to the darkness in the cloth covered car that it almost felt bright.

The gun closet is located in the far end of the building. We can’t carry the fuel all the way over there, it’s way too heavy so we slip the cans outside the door and hide it under a blanket just in case. We then walk through the cowshed. None of the cows are sleeping, they’re  standing in a group and look a little surprised to see us there at that hour. The screaming must have spooked them. "What if the fire catches on to the barn and spreads to the cowshed?" I ask Hunter. He looks at me. The chances are slim but it could happen, there’s not a huge space between the house and the barn. We leave the gate to the outside pen open just in case.

Of course the gun closet is equipped with a padlock. Hunter finds a crowbar and as silently as possible we manage to break the hinges. The closet may have been locked but it's old and this was not difficult. We grab the rifle and the shotgun from the closet and make sure to have enough ammunition. I can’t believe how calm I feel. We head to the exit. 

Wait. There's one thing missing from our plan. 

“What about Brian?” I ask, "we can’t leave him…"

“There’s nothing we can do to help Brian now. It’s too late.”  He spits out the last word like it’s poisonous and I push him angrily against the wall and glare at him. 

“You heard them Cynthia, if they haven't already killed him, do you really think he wants to live after this?” he asks and stares back at me incredulously. 

Maybe not. But is it our decision? My thoughts are racing through my head but I can't word them out loud. This is how he feels. But if it was me I would want help. Yeah. I'm deciding this.

“We don’t know what he wants and I’m not leaving here thinking maybe he was alive and died because of us." I pause for a moment and stare at him expectantly “Well? are we gonna do it my way?"

"I… uh… herh...hurrgh", he clears his throat excessively. I've noticed him doing that a lot lately. Then he puts on a brave face, "Anything for you milady"

I know what I’m asking him for is dangerous. We might run straight into their claws. But I'd rather die than live with that guilt. 

We exit the cowshed.

Hunter’s point of view. Three is a crowd.

Alright. We’re on. It’s time we take control of this shit hole. 

What Cynthia is asking me to do is probably a suiside mission. I don’t even think this has been tried in Hollywood movies.  I’m feeling really anxious. It’s been like that for some time now. My stomach all the way to my chest feels like it’s burning sometimes and there’s this giant ball of semi dry mucus in my throat and I just can’t get it out no matter how I try to clear my throat. The other kids think I’ve got it so well together but I really don’t I just don’t want them to know. I wonder if they feel the same. Probably. 

There are three cars parked in the yard. Jack's pickup truck next to the shed, and Saps stupid Mustang and one more closer to the house. I wonder if that last one was left here after the party or if we have more guests here to deal with. So there is Jack and Joan, The Sap and the doctor. Possibly more. And there's only two of us.  But I’m a good shooter, or at least I was a few years ago. I have three rounds in my rifle, but I have more ammo if I need to reload. I didn’t count how many shells Cynthia fed into the shotgun but there were several.

“Wait a sec… Is that Justin?” Cynthia is staring into the fading darkness. 

I can’t believe what I’m seeing. From where we are standing, we can see the driveway and yes, it's him, he’s back and he’s bending forward as if to catch his breath. What the fuck? What the bloody bloody fuck. He willingly came back up this royal shit creek? 

We walk towards him. He looks at us a little lost and doesn’t say anything.

“I don’t suppose you brought a paddle this time?” I know I’m being a cunt but I’m just NOT happy he’s here. 

“Huh…? “ He understands after a few seconds and I can see in his expression that he understands I’m angry, but it doesn’t affect him. He doesn’t respond. He’s really out of breath. He points at the guns we’re carrying. “What… ”

“We’re going to get Brian”

“Where is he?” Right as he asks the question he sees the Mustang. His expression freezes and he looks at me again. “Saperstein is here.” It’s not a question. 

“And the Doctor” Cynthia says before I can stop her. 

It’s not as if I wouldn’t have caught him but still I’m glad I manage to grab on to Justin as he tries to run towards the house. “No!” I hiss at him as I hold him back. “Do you have a fucking deathwish? You are NOT going in there. “Do you hear me? Why the fuck did you come back Justin? Are you mad?” 

“I need to find Brian” He says so low I can hardly hear him. Thank God for small miracles. I half expected him to yell and we really can’t make any sound. 

“Alright listen to me. We’re not gonna do anything unplanned. Justin, come with us, I want you to hide while we go in,”  I motion to my lips and point towards the storage we’d been hiding in. Justin is not willing at first but thankfully he comes along. We move as silently as we can. We get behind the truck, I silently encourage Justin to go hide inside.

Shit! There’s a sound. We hear the front door and kneel down quickly behind the truck

“It’s in my jacket on the back seat” That’s Saperstein’s voice. So it must be the doctor coming out. We hear him open the car door and then fumble around. He slams back the car door. He must have reentered the house cause the front door slams shut. He didn’t see us. I slowly rise and look towards the house. The light is back on in the living room and I see them in there. Some stupid trance mix comes on. It's not loud, probably playing from a phone. But that’s better than nothing. It might prevent them from hearing us. I see them light up something. Probably heroin. Damn bastard Sap likes to smoke it after fucking. Tried offering it to me once. As if. I will never. I saw what it did to my mom. Hopefully they’ll be so fucked up they won’t notice a thing until they’re burned beyond recognition. 

“So... Brian's in the basement, and he’s not coming out on his own because…” Justin’s face is expressionless “because… ...what happened in there?”

“Justin. Look. We are going in there to get Brian. That’s all you need to know. What happened earlier is gone now” Cynthia replies. I stay silent. There is no way I want to tell Justin about what we were witness too.  And it’s not like I have to. His face says he knows. I move to grab the petrol we left by the shed door.

“What’s that for?” Justin looks at the petrol cans. He looks like he’s calculating something in his head. And he’s smart, we’re never gonna be able to get him to stay out of this.

“Wait… is that your getaway plan? Torching the place by pouring that stuff over the floor and getting out by shooting your way through everything while also carrying Brian out of there? I love you guys but… uhm… gasoline fumes are heavier than air, they’ll collect in the basement and can easily explode and you’ll all be burned to a crisp. It won’t work, this isn’t a cartoon.”  Right. Private school. Chemistry. How did I forget? I should’ve thought about that myself. Fumes. 

“Ok then, what do you suggest Einstein? 

“I’d like to manage the petrol. You and Cynthia get Brian. I can’t… if he’s hurt... ”

“All right then. But you can’t do both of them, they're heavy. Cynthia and you both do the petrol. I’ll get Brian. Come on, we can’t let them see us. Let’s use the back door.”

Justin’s Point of View

We go through the shed and when we come around the back of the house we see light in the master bedroom. We can hear TV is on. So they’re awake. Shit. Quietly we crawl past the window and decide on the kitchen entrance instead. I guess that’s better anyway, the backstairs are right there off of the mudhouse anyway. 

Maybe I should’n have come here with them. I’m so out of breath when we get inside, I’m not even sure I can carry my gasoline container around to empty them like I suggested I’d do.  Hunter takes one serious look at us and mouths us to hurry up and opens the door that leads to the basement. He then stops as if he thought of something, turns around and unscrews the lid of the containers with much greater difficulty than I had assumed. Yeah, another thing we wouldn't have been able to do, good thinking. 

Cynthia and I each take one container and start moving towards the living room. Fuck, their heavy, of course they are, they’re 2.5 gallons. How did they even carry them so easily back from the shed. I can’t lift really mine so I tip it on the side and push it along the corridor in its own puddle. When I reach the living room Cyntia has already emptied hers all over the livingroom around the couches. The Sap and Mark have passed out on the living room couch. I guess drugs are good for something. I don’t see Jack and Joan. They might be asleep in front of the TV in their room, but taking that for granted would be a very stupid idea. So we need to work very quietly.  

Cynthia grabs my still half full container and carries it back for me. I feel a bit useless. But then I remember something. I saw a video on Youtube once, this mad youtuber was boiling gasoline and the fumes spread all over his yard in no time. I grab all the big pots from the kitchen, place them on the floor and Cynthia pours some in each pot. I lift each one onto the stove and turn every heat plate on full power. When this boils over it will be too late. 

“In God’s name, What are you two smoking in there?”

FUCK! It’s Joan. She can smell the fumes. We’re out of time. 

“Who’s there?” 

She’s coming this way. Time to leave!

We both burst into the mudroom not so worried about being silent anymore,  but Cynthia has the sense to quickly grab a broom and stick it under the door handle. 

“Go find the guns under the truck”  she quickly says “and come help us if we’re not out in two minutes” she then opens the door to the basement and is gone.  

The last thing I hear before I fly out of there is Joan frantically trying to open the door. 

Brian’s point of view. (Hunter helping)

I come to when someone is shaking me and pulling up my pants. I instinctively try to get away but then I realize it’s Hunter. I’m anything but helpful, hoping he’ll just go away and let me be. I’m in too much pain and I just want to roll myself into a fetal position and try to get back to sleep. “Brian! Get up! We need to go!  Justin is back. He’s in danger”

“ugh… arh…! WHAT?”  Despite the pain and drowsiness I’m on my feet in no time and if it wasn’t for him holding me back I would have fallen over.

“Move! Brian we really need to go!” He then grabs me and I’m even more confused because I think we’re moving away from the stairs. I’m having trouble walking, but Hunter is doing a great job supporting me although I don’t know why we’re going all the way to the back stairs when we could have used the main exit. Suddenly Cynthia appears, but I don’t see Justin. 

“Front door. NOW!  Hurry up! Joan is awake.” She whispers. 

I don’t understand what’s going on. Why do I smell gasoline? It’s so intense almost as if Cynthia is covered in it.  They’re in such a hurry to get me out they’re pretty much dragging me at this point. Fucking shit, I hurt all over. We finally get up the stairs and out. I stop. I still don’t see Justin. What’s going on? Was Hunter messing with me? 

“Guys! cowshed, we’re too close to the house. Move!” What is she talking about?

They pull me along until Hunter leaves us and disappears behind the truck and comes back holding Jack’s rifle and shotgun. What? I turn around and look at Cynthia. I don’t understand. 

“He’s right there Brian, Go! Cynthia and I will cover you if they come out”. 

I’m so confused. He who? Justin? Is he really here? Hunter did say he was in trouble. And then I see him. He’s really here. He looks like an angel. Perhaps he is. I slowly approach him. 

“Justin..? Why..?”

My voice breaks and suddenly I can’t see him very clearly. How is it possible to feel so much happiness and so much sadness at the same time? I touch his face, he’s burning up. “Oh Justin… You’re sick… come sit down…” I try to motion us towards the wall of the shed. He won’t budge. 

“What are you doing here Justin? They will kill you...” 

“I needed to see you” he says quietly. “

He softly touches my split lip and then he notices my bloody fingers.

“Oh…God… what have they done to you…” he cries. His touches are feather light. “I’m sorry Bri… I had to come back because I realized I prefer to die with you than to live without you.” Ever so softly he takes my head in his hands and kisses me on the mouth. The first kiss is supposed to be something great right? But I can’t, it hurts too much. I wish I kissed him before when I had the chance. I know he’s been wanting that but I just never… I just couldn't.

He hugs me instead, I try hugging him back but kind of give up and just stand there leaning into him. His arms feel so good, I’m so bloody tired and cold and he’s warm. My insides hurt like hell but my fingers are better I think, they hurt a little bit, nothing like before just this strangely numb sensation, like a buzzing beat, like they’re not even me, but I don’t care, I want this. Is he shaking or is it me? 

-- -- -- --

Suddenly everything is happening so fast. That warm quiet cocoon of an embrace may have lasted a few seconds or more I can’t tell. The pain went away, I don’t even know if I was touching the ground. All I know is that it’s ending too soon. 

A massive explosion sounds from inside the house and it instantly turns into a raging fire spreading throughout the house. I can do nothing but stare at it in a mix of awe and confusion. Now the smell of gasoline makes sense. 

Mark and Gary come running out of the flames, their clothes on fire. They throw themselves to the ground screaming like piglets and manage to exhaust the fire by rolling around. Cynthia points a gun at him. The bloody bastards are begging for mercy. 

“Let them live!”  Hunter shouts out. “They don’t deserve such an easy way out. Cynthia shoots anyway but must not have killed them because the screams continue. Whatever. 

Justin and I are still embracing each other.

I hear my mother has made it out too, she’s hysterically screaming for Jack. So he’s still inside. I was actually thinking ‘good’, he deserves to burn... maybe there is a God after all. 

Or not. Or there is a God, but then he’s not on my side, because… Jack is here. Alive and well. It’s as if he appeared out of nowhere. He must have come through the cowshed.

“GOD DAMNED LITTLE FAGGOTS!!  You set my house on fire!!” He’s holding a crowbar and is charging directly at Justin and me. All I can do is try to cover Justin as he starts hitting us. The next moment we're on the ground covered in blood. 

My ears are ringing and I don’t know what’s happening anymore. We are on the ground, Jack is lying next to us. Half of his head is missing and there’s blood everywhere. I look towards the others and Hunter is staring at us, still holding the rifle. I catch his eyes. He looks terrified. Maybe he should be. He could have hit us but if he didn’t shoot, I guess Jack would have killed us both. 

The house is a massive inferno behind Hunter. The animals are screaming. Then I see something else. 

“She’s got a gun!” My warning comes too late. Before anyone can react Joan has fired a couple of shots at Cynthia who drops down crying out in pain. Instantly Hunter fires back and my mom falls over screaming. 

But I don’t care. My focus is back on Justin. He’s unconscious and now I realise not all the blood is from Jack. It’s oozing out of the side of Justin’s head. No! no no no no...