Resist

Part 10

Brian waited. He realized he was holding his breath waiting for Justin to acknowledge that he meant something to him. The silence was deafening, or maybe it was just the pounding of the blood in his ears. Whatever it was he knew he was going to explode if Justin didn't say something soon.

Justin felt the tightness around his chest. He hoped he wasn't having a panic attack. He had never dreamed that Brian would tell his father about him. It seemed like such a big step. It was almost like being taken to meet the in-laws for that first dinner together. He could feel that he was starting to sweat. He wasn't ready for anything like that. He had managed to let Brian in a little bit, but the man seemed to have taken a mile for every inch Justin had granted him.

"Justin," Brian finally said. He couldn't stand the silence any longer. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No," Justin said slowly. "No, you didn't. It's just that we seem to be moving a little fast. I've told you how difficult it is for me to get involved again."

"But I thought … since you came after me … and you asked me not to go back to Ireland … and you fucked me again … that you wanted to … to be with me. Was I wrong?" Brian asked looking up into Justin's face, pain clearly written all over his own.

Justin leaned down and kissed those rosy lips. "God, I can't resist you," Justin whispered.

"Then don't try. I promise I won't hurt you."

"You can't make promises like that, because you don't know the future. I … I don't want promises. I had those before … and they were bullshit."

"Mine aren't bullshit. They're true."

Justin sighed. Christ, Brian was so young and so naïf compared to him. It made him feel like he was forty while Brian was a teenager experiencing his first romance - all wide eyed and gullible. How are you supposed to deal with that?

"Can I fuck you now?" Brian asked batting his eyes.

"Don't you ever think of anything but sex?" Justin asked with a grin.

"What else is there? It's the best," Brian replied with a lascivious grin. He stretched luxuriously. "Besides, it's all your fault anyway."

"What's my fault?" Justin asked with a bemused expression.

"I was trying to be straight until you convinced me otherwise."

Justin snorted. "You were about as straight as a fucking corkscrew."

Brian giggled. "And you turned me into a fucking machine. So can I fuck you?"

"The first rule of fucking is don't ask."

"What?"

"Don't ask, because then there's the opportunity for the trick to refuse."

Justin watched Brian stiffen and the smile quickly faded from his face. "That's what you did with me, wasn't it?" Brian asked.

Justin nodded. "Yes, I did."

"So, am I still one of your tricks?"

Justin could hear something that sounded like fear in Brian's voice. He had to stop it. He couldn't stand to hear that. "You … you were never just one of my tricks. I'll admit that's what I thought you'd be … at first." Brian looked away. "But that isn't how it turned out. I let you stay here that first night. I woke up with you in my arms. I never, and I repeat never, do that with tricks."

"Are you sorry you did it with me?"

"No," barely above a whisper.

"But you still kicked me out," Brian said softly.

"You scared the shit out of me - what I was feeling … and thinking. I couldn't cope with it. I had to get rid of you."

"Then why did you come after me?"

"I had to. I told you that before. You make me crazy. You make me do things I swore I would never do."

As Justin shook his head Brian watched and decided to pounce. He grabbed Justin's hand and pulled him against his body. He rolled his blond god onto his back and covered him with his body. He leaned in and kissed the soft lips as Justin moaned ever so slightly beneath him.

"Brian," Justin whispered.

"I'm going to fuck you," Brian replied staring into the blue eyes.

"Brian," Justin said in weak protest."

"I'm not asking, I'm doing it," Brian stated and he began his assault on Justin's body.

Brian licked and kissed every area of Justin's body. He nipped and sucked until Justin whimpered from sheer need for Brian to do something more. He finally felt Brian's fingers press into his hole and he arched in pain and need and anticipation of more. Brian finger fucked him for a minute or two until Justin began begging in earnest.

"Brian," the blond whispered, "oh God, Brian! More, please, more. Now."

Brian grinned and gently turned Justin onto his back. He took note of the engorged cock with a bead of precum. He ran his fingers over the head and down the sides smearing the hard rod and jacking Justin off. Justin groaned and started to pant.

Brian halted his ministrations long enough to don a condom and lube. He hiked Justin's legs up onto his shoulders and positioned his cock.

"Ready?" he asked as he stared into Justin's eyes. The man nodded. Brian smiled. He knew at that moment that Justin wanted him as much as he wanted Justin. He thought that this might be the moment at which his life changed forever.

He leaned forward breaching the first ring of muscle. Justin's face screwed up at the pain of Brian's size. Brian waited until he saw Justin's face relax. He leaned in harder seeking Justin's lips as he drove in farther. He stifled Justin's protest with his lips. The kiss left them both breathless as Brian finished driving all the way in. They stayed still waiting to adjust to each other and to remember to breathe.

Justin knew he would never be able to let Brian go. If this man broke his heart like the others had, it would destroy him. He knew this was it.

Brian gasped at the sensation of being inside his lover, and he had decided that Justin was his lover. He would never hurt Justin, at least not intentionally, and he would never let him go. He had never experienced these things with anyone else and somehow he didn't think he would ever want to experience them with anyone else. This was the way it was meant to be for him, and he hoped it was the same for Justin.

Brian withdrew and thrust back in. He could feel the walls of Justin's hot, tight channel clench around his dick and he thought he might pass out. He couldn't believe how incredible this felt. All the time he had spent denying his sexuality had been such a waste. This was what he wanted and needed. Justin was what he wanted and needed.

He began thrusting more quickly knowing that the sensations were starting to overwhelm him. Fighting the urge to come, he wanted this to last forever, but as with all good things they always ended too quickly.

Justin moaned beneath him and thrust up into each stroke. He was usually the top with all his tricks, but Brian had made it clear that he was no mere trick. Justin had to admit that Brian was performing masterfully. This had to be his first time topping, and Justin certainly had no complaints. His dick throbbed and his balls had already drawn up. He was getting oh so close, and Brian hadn't even touched his cock. He moaned Brian's name and the man looked down at him with those incredible eyes. He came with a force he hadn't experienced in a long time. He clamped down on Brian's dick, felt the man shudder and then shoot his load into the condom. Brian gave a final gasp and collapsed on top of him.

Brian waited for the sparks of light behind his eyelids and the sparks of electricity that coursed through his body to subside. He knew he was probably crushing Justin beneath him, but he didn't have the strength or the wherewithal to move.

Finally the planets began to return to their preordained orbit. Brian groaned as he pushed his body up and off Justin. He rolled onto his back and looked over at the man who had just given him the ultimate pleasure.

"That was … awesome," he breathed.

"I'll second that," Justin said softly giving him a little grin.

"Justin, don't doubt me," Brian pleaded. "I love you."

Brian saw Justin wince and waited for him to respond. Justin tried to find words to say, but he didn't want to tell Brian that he doubted him. He wanted Brian to love him and he wanted to love him back. He was hopeless.

"Scoot up here," Justin said sitting up against the headboard and sticking a pillow behind him. He opened his legs and Brian shifted up so he was leaning against Justin's chest. He could feel Justin's spent cock trapped at the small of his back. The first stirrings were already beginning at the contact. He smiled knowingly as he felt Justin's arms come around him. This was exactly where he wanted to be.

He raised his hand and ran his palm along Justin's arm where it held him so securely. As long as they held onto each other anything was possible, everything was possible. They didn't have to be afraid.

Justin moved his hand and wove his fingers into Brian's. He raised the hand to his lips and kissed it softly. God, he loved this man. He knew he was going to admit it, but he couldn't stop himself. Then he would have to suffer the consequences of those words. He knew Brian was worth the risk. He heard Brian sigh contentedly. He kissed the top of Brian's head and looked down where their fingers were still entwined.

He lifted his fingers from Brian's. "Give me your hand," he asked.

Brian looked up at Justin over his shoulder. The question was clear in his eyes, but he raised his hand so Justin could take it. He held his breath wondering what Justin was going to do.

"R-e-s-i-s-t," Justin spelled out. Brian knew then that he was reading his tattoo. "What does that mean?"

"It means to strive against, to refuse to give in."

Justin smacked him playfully. "Well, duh! I know what the word means. What does it mean to you? Why is it on your finger?"

"Until a little while ago it meant to refuse to give in to you."

"Asshole," Justin said. "You didn't just get this for me."

"Are you sure?" Brian said with an evil grin.

"Brian," Justin said, "tell me the truth."

"Gerry and I had matching tattoos," Brian said softly deciding to tell Justin the truth.

"Oh," Justin said not sure how he felt about that.

"I … we … Gerry and I, we decided to get them after we first joined the IRA. They are a resistance group, you know."

"I did know that," Justin said with a smirk.

"Along the way the tattoos have meant other things too."

"Such as?"

"Such as resisting urges," Brian replied thoughtfully.

"Are you referring to me again?" Justin chuckled.

"I did think about the tattoo in regards to you, but you're more than an urge. You're an obsession, a need, a compulsion…"

Justin raised Brian's chin as he leaned down to kiss the rosy lips and stop the litany of things he was. The kiss went on and on and Brian could feel the pressure of a stiffening cock against his back. "You can shut me up with a kiss like that anytime," Brian breathed when Justin finally relaxed the kiss.

"What else did the tattoo mean?" Justin asked not quite finished with finding out all about his lover.

"For a while it meant that I should resist the feelings that told me I was gay. I resisted Gerry for a long time … and he resisted me." Brian sighed and frowned. "I don't like thinking about Gerry," he said softly.

"I can understand that," Justin replied kissing the top of the auburn head.

"But I … I don't want to resist anymore. I just want you," Brian confessed.

"You don't have to resist," Justin said deciding to be honest, consequences be damned. "You've got me. I want you; I want to be with you."

"All the time?" Brian asked wanting more reassurance. Justin had yet to say he loved him.

"God, you're bossy. I'm still trying to deal with you being here today and you want a pledge for the future."

"I want all of you. I want everything."

"I'm beginning to understand that," Justin said with a rueful chuckle.

"So what are you prepared to do about that?" Brian asked.

Justin looked thoughtfully at Brian. He wasn't sure he could do anything. Brian had him. He could no longer deny that. "I guess I could sic Daphne and Lindsay on you. They could tell you to back off or they'll torment you to death."

"Jesus, you wouldn't be that cruel to your sweet new lover, now would you?" Brian asked smiling innocently up at Justin and batting his eyelids.

"Don't push me too far. They're my hidden weapon," Justin said.

"I'm not pushing you too far or too fast, am I?" Brian asked concerned.

"A … little," Justin said softly.

"I'm sorry," Brian said. "I didn't mean to do that. It's just that I love you and I want to be with you." He could feel Justin's dick poking into his back, growing even harder at Brian's words. Brian couldn't stop himself from smiling.

"I want to be with you too," Justin admitted. There was still no 'I love you' declaration.

Brian decided he would take that for now. "There's something very stiff and demanding digging into my back," he said with his best innocent look.

"You don't say," Justin grinned.

"Are you going to do anything about it?"

"Maybe."

"Maybe? You fucking better!"

"Christ, you are bossy. What have I got myself into?"

"Shut up and fuck me," Brian said turning to face Justin and get a much needed kiss.

The kiss soon turned to caresses and bites and squeezes. This time it was slow and luxurious. They wanted it to go on forever as they continued to explore each other's body. They had so much to learn about the special spots and about unstated desires and about all the intimacies that would ultimately bind them together. The explosion of their lovemaking left them sated and exhausted. They curled up against each other and fell asleep still entwined in several places.

-----~~~~-----~~~~-----~~~~-----~~~~-----~~~~-----

When Brian awoke he could feel Justin rubbing his finger where the tattoo was inscribed. He blinked looking carefully at Justin and trying to figure out what that meant.

"What are you doing?" he finally asked.

"Exploring," Justin said.

"Where else have you been exploring?" Brian asked amused.

"I've checked between all your other fingers … and toes." Justin grinned at him.

"And what did you find?"

"You're very clean."

Brian snorted in amusement. "I'm glad you think so."

"I do, but I didn't find any more tattoos."

"Did you expect to?"

"I don't know," Justin said thoughtfully. "If you have 'resist' between your fingers, I thought you might have 'back off' between your toes or 'not tonight I have a headache' in the crack of your ass."

Brian laughed out loud and Justin joined him. He liked Justin as well as loving him. He hoped Justin liked him to. "You're funny."

"No shit!"

"I … I like you." Brian decided to just say it.

"I like you too."

"Did you see the tattoo on my cock?" Brian asked.

"What? You can't have a tattoo on your cock!" Justin objected.

"Then you didn't see it," Brian said.

Justin took Brian's cock in his hand and began looking on every side and all around the head. His mouth was only inches from Brian's dick and his warm breath made the cock thicken and grow.

"I don't see any tattoo," Justin said his hand slowly running up and down Brian's shaft as he looked at this beautiful creature in front of him.

"You must be blind," Brian stated. "It's right near the base."

Justin leaned in looking closely moving the dick back and forth to try to see something tattooed there. "I can't see anything," he said.

"If you took it in your mouth you might be able to get close enough to read it," Brian said keeping a straight face.

"And what would it say if I did?" Justin asked as the light began to dawn.

"Gotcha!"

"I thought so, you shit!" Justin said tickling under Brian's arms.

Brian grabbed him and pulled him down against him. "Shouldn't we make use of what your examinations have produced?" Brian asked glancing down at his firm dick lying between them.

"I'll take care of that for you," Justin said and began the best blowjob Brian had ever had.

His mouth captured Brian's cock and he licked and sucked and nipped until Brian was a writhing mass of need that finally came with such force he thought his insides were being ripped out.

"You know…" Justin said thoughtfully as he sat up with a satisfied look on his face.

"Know what?" Brian gasped trying to open his eyes and look at the man who had just blown him into oblivion.

"I found the tattoo on your cock."

"Oh yeah?" Brian asked knowing there was no tattoo. "What did it say?"

"It didn't say anything."

"So what was it?"

"It was a picture of me with a satisfied expression on my face," Justin declared with a silly grin.

"And I'll always try to keep that expression on your face," Brian said grinning back but meaning every word.

Justin stared into the golden eyes. "I believe you," he said simply. Brian smiled and the room lit up. It was the first smile of true and genuine happiness that Justin had seen on Brian's face since that first night they spent together. "And … I love you too."

Brian pulled him close trying to keep the tears that filled his eyes in place despite the huge smile on his face. It matched the smile on Justin's.