Resist

Part 9

Justin thrust into Brian again and again. He knew he was getting close. He felt the ripples shooting up and down his spine and coursing across his groin. He could tell Brian was close too. He had been trying to tell Brian how important he had become in his life ever since he walked into his dorm room. He hoped he was speaking better with his body than he had with his words.

He leaned down against the back of Brian's neck and took a bite. He heard Brian yelp and then stiffen. He was shooting. His hole clamped down on Justin's already overloaded cock and he shot his load into the condom far, far up Brian's ass.

"Oh, fuck!" Justin gasped as he collapsed on top of Brian his dick still firmly implanted.

They both drew in much needed air and then lay still letting the little after-jolts course through them.

"You are amazing," Brian whispered as Justin rolled off him. He grabbed a Kleenex and cleaned himself up. Then he flopped onto his back and looked over at Justin.

Justin had disposed of the condom. He sat staring at Brian. "That really shouldn't have happened. But I can't keep my hands off you." He shook his head.

"It felt damn right to me," Brian declared reaching out to run his fingers up and down Justin's arm. He thought he could never touch that soft skin enough. His fingers were drawn to it like metal to a magnet.

Justin clasped Brian's fingers for a moment and the Irishman smiled up at him. Justin carefully lifted Brian's hand from his arm and laid it across Brian's chest so that it was no longer touching him. "You have some other things to tell me," Justin said trying to get them back on the right track. He still needed to hear Brian's story.

"Where did I get to?" Brian asked. He had lost track of the story once he was in Justin's arms. It hadn't seemed important anymore.

"You were saying that you were lost and I told you that you were right where you belonged."

"Oh, yeah, that was … nice."

Justin smiled. He couldn't stop himself. "I can do nice," Justin grinned.

"I like nice a lot better than ruthless," Brian replied.

"The story?" Justin said raising his eyebrows.

"Okay, okay," Brian sighed. "It's not pretty. I came to Pitt because of what happened in Derry. I think I'm ready to tell you, but it may take a while."

"I wasn't planning on going anywhere," Justin said with a smile. "Besides I might need to fuck you again."

"Or maybe I should fuck you," Brian said staring into Justin's baby blues.

Justin shook his head but didn't say no. "How do we keep getting off topic?"

"Sex is a much more interesting topic," Brian stated reaching out for Justin's hand.

Justin playfully slapped it away. He really didn't want Brian to touch him, or they would be having sex again. He wanted the story first. "Tell me what happened," Justin said firmly.

"Can I fuck you if I do?"

"You don't know me well enough for blackmail … or is that coercion."

"It's called negotiation. I just want to fuck you."

"Brian, get with the program," Justin said.

"You're awfully bossy … and mean."

"I am not."

"Then let me fuck you."

"Later."

"Is that a yes?"

"Maybe."

"I'll settle for that for now," Brian grinned. Then his face grew sober. "I guess I have to start somewhere," he said, "so I'll start with when I joined the IRA."

"You belonged to the IRA?" Justin asked his eyes wide.

Brian nodded. "Yeah, a lot of kids in Northern Ireland join, if you're Catholic."

"I never thought of you as religious."

"I'm not."

"Then what does…?"

"The whole IRA thing began as Catholics fighting against rule by Anglican Britain. Religion is pretty irrelevant to most of the people in the IRA now, at least in my experience. It's all about getting back at the British, reclaiming the homeland."

"Sounds … idealistic."

Brian snorted. "For kids it's a license to break the law - throw rocks and Molotov cocktails - and get approval for doing it."

"Jeez."

"Pretty weird, huh?"

"Definitely."

"Anyway, I joined when I was sixteen. Gerry joined at the same time."

"I take it that Gerry has a big role in this story?"

"Kind of."

"Come over here," Justin said. He had decided that he wanted Brian close while he heard this story. Brian scooted over against him and sighed contentedly. Justin ran his hand over Brian's chest. He saw Brian's cock stir and took his hand away. "Maybe you should move away again. I just thought…"

"No, let me stay. I like having contact with you. I'll try to make him behave," Brian said gesturing to his dick.

Justin giggled. "Can you? Mine always has a fucking mind of its own, especially when you're around."

"I know the feeling, but I'll finish my story first."

"Okay," Justin agreed. He could feel his own cock swelling close to where Brian's hip touched him. "Scoot up," Justin ordered. Brian did as instructed. He lay on his back with his head cradled on Justin's chest. Justin leaned against the headboard of his bed. He ran his fingers through Brian's hair eliciting another sigh. "Go ahead," Justin said.

"Gerry and I hit it off immediately. Maybe we were … kindred spirits. I don't know. He didn't live all that far away, but he went to a different school. I'd never seen him before that night, but we liked each other immediately and whenever they needed us to work in pairs we would hook up."

"How lovely for you," Justin observed feeling an unwanted pang of jealousy.

Brian glanced back at Justin's face but didn't know what to say, so he decided to continue. "We worked together for a couple of months and then one day he asked me if I liked movies. We went to see a movie together and then started doing that almost every week. We talked and I began to realize that I … more than liked Gerry. I … I'd had some feelings like that once before, but had denied it and pretended it never happened. You just didn't think or feel like that in the IRA. I don't think there's a more macho, homophobic group anywhere."

"Except maybe the jocks at St. James," Justin said ruefully.

"So you know what I'm talking about."

"Yeah, it's hard to be yourself in that kind of atmosphere."

"Exactly, especially if you aren't sure who you are to begin with."

"You mean you didn't know you were gay?"

"I guess I knew, but I didn't want to admit it even to myself."

"That's hard. Did you have anyone to talk to?"

Brian shook his head. "Eventually I decided to talk to Gerry and see if he felt the same way I did. I thought he did. Every time I tried to bring it up I chickened out. I didn't want to scare him off. And I sure as shit didn't want it all over our IRA group if he wasn't gay. I was so confused."

"So what happened?" Justin asked continuing to sift his fingers through Brian's unruly hair.

"This went on for a long time. Every now and then I would think I should tell Gerry. Sometimes I felt like he wanted me too. But neither one of us made a move. Finally I was about to graduate from high school. I made plans to go to university in Derry. Gerry was graduating too and the night we did, he arrived at my house and wanted to go celebrate. We went out with some other guys and basically got plastered. Some of them were from our IRA group. I … I don't know exactly how we got there, but we ended up at the room we used for the IRA meetings. We were alone and suddenly we were kissing each other. I've never felt anything like that before. I … I wanted him so bad, and I could see by the look on his face that he wanted the same thing."

"Did you do it?" Justin asked.

Brian grimaced. "We…"

"What's wrong? You can tell me," Justin said leaning in to kiss Brian's lips softly.

Brian seemed to draw strength from the kiss. He took a breath and began again. "Gerry was kissing me like I'd never been kissed before. I'd experimented a bit with girls but it never felt right. I never really enjoyed it. You know?"

"I know," Justin said thoughtfully. "I even fucked Daphne once. She wanted me to be her first."

"Really?" Brian asked looking into Justin's eyes. "Did you like it?"

"Are you kidding?"

"It probably felt the way it did for me with Lindsay."

"Yeah, we're gay. Pussy just doesn't cut it."

Brian nodded. It was nice to talk about these things with someone who understood. He'd never had that privilege before. That was one of the things he liked about Justin, how open he was about his sexuality. He'd always had to deny his or cover it up.

"So," Brian continued. "Gerry and I are kissing and I'm so close to coming just from that. I don't know what I was doing other than kissing back and trying to keep my cock from splitting through my pants. It was so fucking hard. Suddenly I remember Gerry stopped kissing me and I was whimpering and moaning. My cock had suddenly somehow got free and then I felt Gerry's mouth cover it and I thought I would die. I remember crying out. And then…"

Brian started to shake. Justin held him close rubbing his hands across Brian's chest trying to soothe him and calm him. He kept whispering for Brian to relax and that he was safe and that nothing could hurt him here. All he wanted to do was protect Brian and make everything all right. He didn't know the end of the story yet, but it must be awful if Brian's reaction was any indication.

"I … I'm all right now," Brian whispered, the trembling having finally subsided.

Justin raised Brian's hand that he had linked his fingers through. He kissed the knuckles and wrapped his arms around Brian's chest. He noticed the dark tattoo on Brian's middle finger. He would have to ask him about that later. Right now they needed to get to the end of this story.

"What happened?" Justin asked gently.

"Somehow the room was suddenly full of several other young IRA warriors with their fucking girlfriends. A couple of them had been with us earlier celebrating. They had come there to fuck. Gerry and I didn't realize that the room got used by them just the way we were making use of it that night."

"Shit!" Justin reacted.

"I was so far gone at first that it didn't really register what was happening. They had caught us with Gerry's mouth around my dick. I heard somebody yell, 'Cocksuckers!' and then Gerry was pulled away from me. They pounced on him kicking and beating the crap out of him. I watched for a minute before I could get enough sense to react. I yelled at them to stop and tried to grab the nearest one to pull him away. Then they started pounding on me. Somebody hit me in the side of the head and I was out like a light. I don't really know what they did after that, but Gerry … got the brunt of it."

"But you're all right now," Justin said softly.

He could feel Brian move his head side to side in denial as it rested against his chest. "I don't know if I am. I still have nightmares about that night."

"What happened to Gerry?" He saw Brian wince.

"I … woke up in the hospital. I had bruised ribs and a concussion but nothing too drastic. I guess they stopped beating me when I passed out. Gerry … Gerry wasn't so lucky."

"Was he hurt … bad?" Justin watched a single tear run down Brian's cheek.

"He's dead," Brian said simply.

"Dead?"

"He was beaten to a pulp and had his head kicked in. I never saw him, but my father told me later. There was brain damage. He never regained consciousness and there was no brain activity, so they just shut off the machines and he died. It was all my fault," Brian whispered.

"How do you figure that?" Justin asked holding Brian tighter.

"I should have been able to stop them. I shouldn't have been gay. I should have died instead of him … or at least with him."

"That's crazy, Brian. It wasn't your fault. It was the fault of those homophobic bastards. They were planning to do the same thing with their girlfriends that you and Gerry were doing," Justin said in Brian's defense.

"They don't see it that way. They were going to fuck girls. They were normal. We were an … abomination; I think is the word that best describes what they thought of us."

"They're the sick fucks. Christ, they killed someone."

"Yeah," Brian breathed.

"Did they put them away for a long time?"

Justin felt Brian tremble. Brian moved his head from side to side indicating no.

"What happened?" Justin asked. He had been saying that a lot since Brian got there.

Brian sucked his lips in and stared straight ahead. He seemed to be trying to find the right words or the right explanation. Justin felt him take in a deep breath. "They … they came to see me in the hospital," Brian began.

"What? The guys who beat you up?" Justin asked in disbelief.

"One of the ones who beat us up and the leader of our IRA cell."

"The leader? You're fucking kidding, aren't you?"

"No," Brian whispered, "I wish I was. I wish I had been stronger."

"What did they say to you?"

"They waited till I was alone and then they came in. They asked if I was going to recover. I'm sure they could see how scared I was at that point. And … and Gerry hadn't even died yet. They wanted to get to me before I could tell the police what happened."

"What did you do?"

"I … I was a … a coward," Brian stuttered. "I did what they told me."

"You lied about what happened?"

Brian nodded. "I didn't want to, but they said I'd never leave the hospital alive if I ratted on them. They said it was my duty to the IRA to protect my brothers. When I asked what about Gerry, that he was a brother too, they told me I better forget about that cocksucker before it was too late."

"So you forgot about Gerry?" Justin asked wondering how Brian had ever come to terms with that.

"I fucking did not!" Brian exclaimed. "I remember him every waking moment of every waking hour, and then I remember in nightmares when I'm asleep. You know…" Brian started and then stayed silent.

"I know what?"

Brian sighed. "After you started stalking me I would have dreams where you were unzipping my jeans, going to go down on me, and then your face would turn into Gerry's and I'd wake up in a cold sweat."

"Was that why you were so afraid when I unzipped you?"

Brian nodded. "I kept remembering that Gerry had his mouth on my dick when they caught us, and that cost him his life."

"You're in America now," Justin whispered. "Those guys are far away. They can't hurt you here."

"You don't know what it was like. You don't know what they said to me," Brian whispered.

"Tell me what they said."

"They said that Gerry was a fucking fag, that I was his victim, that I should have known better, but that they wouldn't hold it against me if I didn't squeal on the people who had beat us up. All I had to do was pretend that I wasn't a fag, that Gerry had been beaten up by a group of Orangemen and then I could live."

"Jesus Christ, Brian! Are those guys insane?"

"I guess they're pretty smart because they're still in Ireland and still walking the streets. I'm the one who had to leave … who had to run away," Brian choked out. He was fighting the tears and losing.

"So you went along with everything they said?"

Brian nodded and choked out a yes.

"What did your parents say?"

"At first I refused to talk about it. They thought it was because of Gerry's death. They didn't know how afraid I was. My father even encouraged me to go back to the IRA meetings. He thought I would get support from them and it would help me." Brian let out a strangled laugh, sounding more tormented than funny.

"Did you finally tell your parents?"

"One night when Da was trying to get me to go out, go to a meeting, I finally broke down and told him."

"How did he react?"

"He was shocked. I wasn't sure if he was more shocked that I was gay or that I had lied about Gerry's death. After he recovered from the shock, he asked me what I wanted to do. That really floored me. Somehow I guess I expected him to solve the whole thing for me."

"But nobody could solve something like that."

"No. There was no solution. Finally Da said that maybe the best thing would be for me to go far away and start over. I didn't want to leave my family. Da said he couldn't see any other way, and that I might be best not to come back for a long time. I hated the thoughts of that, but we worked out the plan to send me to Pitt and for me to board at my aunt and uncle's."

"So that's how you came to be here with me," Justin said raising Brian's hand and kissing his fingers again. His own fingers were still entwined there. He didn't want to let go. He wondered what the tattoo was. It looked like letters but he couldn't make out what it said.

"I wanted to know if I could come home for Christmas. Da said I better not. He thought I should get myself sorted out while I was away. He didn't want anything to happen to me in Derry. I told him that maybe I wasn't gay, that maybe it had all been a mistake, that maybe I could start over while I was gone. If I could be straight, I could go home and nobody would bother me."

"What did your dad say to that?"

"I knew that deep down he wanted me to be straight. What parent doesn't, especially at first, and I had just told him that I was gay. He said he thought that was a good idea, that I should explore all my options. But he also said that he loved me no matter what."

"That's great, Brian! Not all parents would say that."

"I know, but I also know that he hoped I could be straight. It hurt. And now that I've told him I can't do that, I'm not sure that I can ever go home."

"Your parents won't let you?" Justin asked raising his eyebrows.

"They'll let me, but Da's worried since I told him about you."

"You told him about me?"

"Yes. Shouldn't I have?"

"Sure, I guess. I don't know. I'm just surprised that you did."

"I don't want to be ashamed anymore. I don't want to pretend. I want to be with you. I want to be happy."

Justin cringed a bit. That sounded like major commitment. He wasn't sure he was ready for that. He wasn't sure of anything.

"Aren't you going to say something?" Brian asked.

"I'm not sure what I can say."

"You could say that I make you happy too and that you want to be with me," Brian said hopefully.

"Yeah, I guess I could," Justin admitted frowning.

"You could put a bit of enthusiasm into it."

"I could try."

"Shit, Justin, have I just made another colossal mistake?"

The only sound in the room was silence.