Brian picked one of the bags from the jeweler’s and gave it to Gus.

“This one is for grandma.”

Deb dissolved in tears when she opened the box. They had gotten her a watch that must have cost a fortune.

“Where the fuck am I going to wear this kiddo? Only you would go around buying expensive gifts on your fucking honeymoon instead of expecting them! This little asshole never fucking buys me anything, not even a bracelet from the dollar store.”

She eventually calmed down only to break down again when Gus gave grandpa Carl a big bag from Gucci. Carl double checked the logo on the bag peering inside and taking out a leather jacket. He tried it on and it fit him perfectly. He gave a smiling Gus a big hug and profusely thanked an embarrassed Brian and sunshiny Justin.

Ted got two pairs of cufflinks and a tie pin while Emmett got the latest MacBook with the most flamboyant cover the world had ever seen and a new watch.

Michael and Lindsay were vibrating with anticipation. If people Brian merely tolerated were get such expensive gifts, God knew what they, Brian’s best friend in the whole wide world and Brian’s only son’s biological mother, were getting.

“Sonny boy this is for uncle Ben.”

Ben wasn’t expecting a gift. He wasn’t Brian’s favorite person and now that he’d shared some of his opinions with the Emmett Breaking News he expected Brian to… well he didn’t know what to expect but it definitely wasn’t a gift.

He got a cashmere sweater.

“Thank you guys but really you shouldn’t have.”

“Well Benny boy, believe it or not, I think you’re right. I actually told Sunshine that us getting hitched was the biggest gift we could ever give you but Mother Taylor’s son that he is, he insisted on getting you something more tangible.”

Emmett guffawed at Ben’s utterly astonished expression. Mel controlled her facial expression for Gussie’s sake but thought fuck me! Brian just told Ben that now that he was married, Ben should be able to keep his husband’s attention. Hey, I know you were the contingency plan, but I’m officially no longer an option, not that I ever was, so now you’re plan O. O as in fucking only.

“Now uncle Michael daddy.”

Brian gave Gus a bag with an unknown logo.

Michael almost snatched the bag from Gus’ little hands, which earned him a snarl from Mel, and emptied it on his bag like an overexcited kid on Christmas morning. But all his excitement came to a sharp end when three quasi similar batman t-shirts fell on his lap.

“Papa wanted to buy you the t-shirt with Robin but daddy said there is only one boy wonder and that is papa. Then papa said you don’t look like Batman but daddy said that you probably think your store is the batcave. I don’t know what it means but I think it’s nice. Daddy always says nice things. Right momma?”

“Of course Gussie.”

Michael was about to have the aneurysm Melanie didn’t have. Fucking Ted got cufflinks and a tie pin from fucking Peter Marco, not that little Mikey actually knew what Peter Marco was, and he got some ratty t-shirts and a story about how Brian and Justin were laughing at him.

Ben was about to stand up for his estranged husband but one look from Deb pinned him down. She had cornered poor Ted at the diner on Tuesday and got the whole story out of him and she wasn’t happy with either one of the two assholes.

“Thank you Brian. Now that I don’t have a place to live, I will put them in the store.”

Deb wasn’t having any of this shit.

“Good for you. You can show them off to your clients.”

Lindsay was feeling antsy. Brian hadn’t been happy with her lately and if all that Michael got were some ratty t-shirts, what the hell could he have gotten her?

“Now Sonny boy, mommy or momma?”

“Mommy now and momma at the end.”

“Okay. Linds could you please come and take the box. It’s too heavy for Sonny boy.”

Lindsay almost tripped over her own feet in her excitement to get up and get the box. It was actually rather heavy and she shot Michael a winning smirk. Son’s biological mother trumps best friend from hell every fucking time!

Lindsay sat back down and made a huge production of saving the ribbon, opening the box, then taking out the wrapped gift, and carefully unwrap it. It was a medium sized vanity mirror.

“Do you like it mommy?”

“It’s very nice Lambskin. Thank you Brian!”

“I chose it mommy! I told daddy and papa how much you love mirrors.”

“Really Lambskin? Why?”

“Yes mommy. Remember when I told you we were late for school and you were looking at the mirror? You said that you liked to look at the mirror to always be sure you look perfect. I asked you why, you said I won’t understand because I’m momma’s little boy and you laughed. So now you have a new mirror to look at.”