Ben let Ted and Emmet in and went back to the kitchen. He poured each one a cup of coffee and told them to sit at the table. He was still under shock, wondering how he’d been fooled by Michael. Ben knew that Michael had an unhealthy obsession with everything Brian Kinney and that no matter how much his husband swore that Brian was nothing but his best friend, he was still planning their California retirement. You wonder if this wasn’t enough of a red flag what would be.
“So Ben, any idea why your husband is running around saying that you guys decided to break up, that you threw him out, and that he’s moving in with Brian?”
Ben had been wondering for hours what his lying husband had been telling his friends since he left the house. Michael was notorious for running his mouth and whining people to death. He must have tried selling Ted one hell of tale of woes where he was the victim of some cosmic force.
“When I woke up this morning Michael was already up and preparing breakfast. He’s too lazy to pour himself a cup of coffee so I was really intrigued when I saw him trying to make an omelet. He avoided my good morning kiss. He got the orange juice out of the fridge and asked me if I wanted coffee or if I wanted to wait for breakfast to be ready.”
Ted and Emmet really didn’t care about diaries of a dumped professor. Ben should write all those domestic details about Michael cooking and Ben being denied his morning kiss in his next bore fest of a book. This shit could be sold as a tranquilizer at the drug store.
“Well honey all of this is thrilling but can we skip the Gay as Blazes part and get on with All My Children starring Captain Asshole?”
Normally Ted would have told Emmet to be nicer to Ben but no, not today. He had had enough of the Novotny drama and wasn’t up for a new episode of Michael fucking Stewart, not even for dumped Benny’s sake.
“So after he finished cooking, he told me that this was his way of thanking me for being a good husband and that he wanted us to still be friends. I felt like I had missed part of the conversation. He went on saying that now that Brian was single again but willing to settle down, it was their time to be together. He asked me to pack his things as he really needed to go see Brian and to send his bags to the loft. He even said that Brian would pay for the moving truck. And just like that he was out the door. I waited for him to come back and deliver the punchline but he’s been gone for hours now and I haven’t heard anything from him.”
The punchline? Why would a man think that his fucking husband telling him he was leaving him and moving in with the man he’s been obsessed with since he was fourteen was a fucking joke. Even if it were a joke, it wasn’t a funny one.
“Well Ben, I have some news for you. Your asshole husband wasn’t joking. He went to the loft and tried moving in even though Brian isn’t there and changed the locks before he left town. We left him at his mother’s where he’s probably engaged in a pissing match with Lindsay over who knows Brian best.”
“Why would Brian change the locks and not give Michael a new key? Michael is his best friend and really Brian should be ashamed of himself, leaving town without telling Michael!”
“Are you fucking kidding me?”, Emmett screeched in his whole queening glory. “Fucking Michael throws you of his life like yesterday’s trash and you have the guts to think Brian is being unfair to fucking Michael! Well honey, news flash! The little asshole is not Brian’s best friend. Brian keeps him around out of loyalty to Deb and pity. I came here to comfort you but now I feel like you deserve everything Michael is putting you through. What the fuck is wrong with you blaming Brian for little Mikey’s thirst for a dick that will never fuck him.”
“Brian has been leading Michael on for years Em! You know it, I know it and Ted here knows it!”
“Leading Michael on my ass! Your husband is a little lying shit and you’re a coward for never noticing that Brian did everything to get Michael off his back short of renting him a dick to mount! I am very disappointed in you honey. Pack your asshole’s husband shit up and send them to Deb. I wouldn’t hire a moving truck if I were you. Brian is not going to pay for it. He’s in California with Gussie enjoying the good weather, the sun and life while you’re here pathetically blaming him for Michael’s delusions and your gullibility. You’re a good looking smart man Ben and you went for Michael of all people. That’s your problem. When you leave the land of Novotny delusions and realize you’ve been fooled by Michael, you know where to find us. Come on Teddy, I need to go back to the real where Brian isn’t God and Lucifer all rolled in one.”