Chapter 5 

“Shit, shit, shit, shit!” Justin said as he tried to get up early the next morning.

Brian’s husky voice said, “What’s up?”

“I need to pee and my feet really hurt this morning. Why was I such an idiot? I knew better.” By now Brian was on his feet and walked over to Justin’s side of the bed.  

Brian slipped his hands under Justin’s arms and helped him up.  Justin stumbled a bit and Brian caught him. Their mouths ended up only inches apart. Brian started lowering his mouth but then stopped. “Later, I hope,” he said softly.  “Can you walk if I help hold you up?” 

“I think so. I’m…”

“I swear if you say you are sorry once more….You made a mistake. Everyone is allowed to make mistakes.” Justin didn’t say anything until they were back in bed.  Brian had thrown another log in the stove and got back in with Justin as the room warmed up.  He pressed himself against Justin’s back.

“When I got the interview at your agency, I was told that you would fire someone if you didn’t like what they were wearing. I also was told my asshole would be yours any time you wanted it.”

“I have to admit…” Brian ran his finger through the valley between his cheeks.  “I may have fucked a couple of my interns or new hires but it was never without their permission.  If they said no, I would never…” 

Justin turned to face him and placed one of his wrapped hands on Brian’s cheek, “I am sure you aren’t the easiest man to work for but I know you would never do this,” Justin brought his mouth slowly closer to Brian’s and then Brian placed a hand behind Justin’s head and pulled him near so his mouth pressed against Justin’s and then he pressed Justin back against the pillow following so their lips never separated. 

One of Brian’s hands moved into the waistband of the pants Justin was wearing.  Brian moved his head back a couple inches.  “I’m not reading you wrong, am I? You want this, right?”

“Oh, yes, I want this.” Justin lifted his ass off the mattress so Brian could remove his pants.

“Let me know if I am hurting you; your hands, your feet or your ass.” Brian moved so Justin’s legs were over his shoulders and after slipping on a condom, he moved forward so he entered him and then bent forward and claimed his lips. Justin couldn’t actually grip onto him because of his bandages but he rested his hands on Brian’s shoulders as the pressure built in both of them. And then they both exploded.  Justin did his best to keep Brian’s lips on his and he didn’t have to work hard at it.  Brian was still getting his fill.

Finally, Justin had to say something.  His hands were throbbing to the point of tears.  He had fought it as long as he could because he didn’t want Brian to move. “Brian, I, I really hurt.”

“Oh, fuck, why didn’t you say something?” Brian moved away quickly.  

“Because it felt too good,” Justin admitted.  “I think some of the blisters popped overnight.  The bandages feel a little soggy.”  

Brian got up and brought him a pill like he took last night.  “If you need it right now, take it but if you can hold out a little longer, it would be better for you to eat first.  I’ll go make some oatmeal. I’ll be right back.”  Brian grabbed the pot they used to heat water and took it back to the kitchen with him.

Justin tried to relax and thought about their lovemaking to take his mind off the pain.  Brian came back in with some fresh water which he put on the stove to warm up.  “I got the oatmeal started.  I’ll be back as soon as it is ready.”

When he had left again, Justin started to unwrap his hands.  Once he got it started with his teeth the bandages just fell off. When the last of it fell off he could see the raw digits.  No wonder they hurt. The air made them far more painful and he quit fighting it.  He popped the pill and managed to swallow it with no liquid. Brian came through the door moments later.

“I hope this is good.  I thought it was.  I added some maple syrup  to give it a little flavor.” Brian stopped talking when he noticed Justin’s hands. “Oh, shit, no wonder they hurt.  Did you take the pill?”

“Just a minute ago.”

“Well, after we eat, I think we should soak those hands and rewrap them.” Brian kept talking as he fed Justin. He actually had only taken one bowl and he would feed Justin a bite and then himself until it was all gone.  He made a couple mugs of tea and added a big glug of whiskey to Justin’s.

“Did I miss something? It is morning. We just woke up and you are trying to get me drunk?” Justin said, already feeling the effects of the pill.

“You are going to need it when we clean out your wounds.”

“Oh, shit,” Justin said when he looked at his hands.  Using the palms of his hand he managed to hold the cup and sipped at it.  

“I’ll go get something you can put your hands in,” Brian left the room.  While he was out there he reread instructions about frostbite.  It said it would be best to cut off any loose skin to fend off infection and then alcohol or peroxide should be used to disinfect.  When Brian got back he poured more whiskey into the mug.  “Drink it!”

“Bri,” Justin’s words were slurred, “I think you plan to hurt me.”

“Finish your whiskey.” Brian put some water in the pan and made sure it was a good temperature.  He decided to do two things at once. After Justin’s hands were in the warm water, Brian just took the bottle of rubbing alcohol and with no warning poured it over Justin’s hands and then forced them to stay submerged.  When he looked up, Justin had tears rolling down his cheeks.  “Fuck it, that’s enough.” Brian grabbed a towel that he brought along and Justin set his hands down on it.  Brian picked up a small scissors.

“What the hell you doing with those?”

“Just close your eyes and relax.”  Brian carefully and quickly trimmed off the skin from the broken blisters. Thankfully, Justin didn’t react so the skin must be dead.  He quickly got bandaged back on and then, after cleaning up the mess, he got back in bed with Justin.  It wasn’t long before he was sleeping.  Some time later he woke for some reason.  He then realized what was going on.  Whether or not Justin was wide awake or in a black out, he was giving Brian a blow job and it felt so good he started moving his hips gently.  Brian grabbed Justin’s head and thrust a handful of times before shuddering.

“Where did you get so good?”

“Just natural instinct I think. I used to wonder how my dad could think this was gross.”

“It was beautiful, Blondie. My dad called me a fairy.  The only thing he seemed to approve of was my son.   At least he thought I was man enough to have a child.”

The drugs were now causing him to crash and, like a small child, Justin pulled Brian’s arms around him as he put his head on Brian’s shoulder. More asleep than awake he said, “He just doesn’t know what a real man is.”

As Brian listened to Justin’s steady breathing, he struggled emotionally.  What was it about this man besides being one of the best lovers he had ever found.  Maybe he could get him to work for him and then they could just screw from time to time.  He could go back to his precious Steven.  He didn’t care how often he said it, Justin would never be satisfied with just that man.

Brian slipped out of the bed without waking Justin up.  He knew it wasn’t ‘scheduled’ but they hadn’t check the internet for a few day  He really wanted to see if he could connect to the internet and make sure there wasn’t anything else he could do to help but of course, there was no connection.  “Shit,” he said under his breath.  He was getting a little stir crazy in the cabin but his fear of wolves wouldn’t let him. He wandered around and finally, for some unknown reason, he opened the closet that led under the steps.  He had a lantern with him and looked around.  It was bigger than it looked. He was careful around the clothes but once he passed through the rod holding it, he saw there was quite a bit stored back there. He set the lamp down and opened a box.  He found some art supplies.  Maybe Justin would like to use those if his hands healed before they left.

He then opened another box and found an old set of encyclopedias. He looked for the F and looked up Frostbite.  He carried the book out with him and reviewed what it said in the book. After reading through it he felt like they had been treating it the best way they could. It indicated that although it was painful, it was  mostly just surface damage which made him feel better even though he hated seeing him in pain.

Brian went into the kitchen and looked around. He had done very little cooking but maybe he could make something. He wasn’t going to try anything like bread but maybe he could make muffins or cupcakes…. What the hell was he thinking? Brian Kinney didn’t make cupcakes. He was so bored!  He walked back to the bedroom and slipped back into bed.  He wanted to be there when Justin woke up.  Maybe they would at least have sex again. That had always been amazing and it would distract him, distract them both for a while.

Justin was standing up when Brian walked in. He was trying to get comfortable on his feet wearing the soft slippers.  He took a step and grimaced.  “I can give you another…”

“No, I don’t like the feeling that comes after they start to wear off.  Maybe at bedtime but right now I have to move.  I have laid in bed enough today.”

“Let me help you.” Brian slipped his arm around Justin’s waist and slowly they made down the hallway, stopping so Justin could use the bathroom.  Once they reached the living room, Brian helped him sit down and put his feet up on the sofa, tucking a blanket around Justin’s legs. Brian stoked the fire and was just sitting down when the first gust of wind hit the building. “Shit, that was strong. Did you hear the way the windows shook? I don’t remember them doing that when we arrived.”

“Because they didn’t,” Justin said as he put his feet on the floor and stood up.”

“What are you doing?”

“I need to look outside.” When Justin got there it was already snowing quite hard and when the wind kicked up, he couldn’t even see the trees in front of the house.  “Brian, this isn’t good.    Do we have plenty of wood?” 

“Well, we have quite a bit but I can already feel the temperature dropping in here and it has barely started. Any suggestions?”

“I’m thinking we should move to the bedroom.  It is a smaller room and easier to heat.  We can do most everything from there.  We will have to grab food and water and use the bathroom from time to time but….”

“God, I wish I could use my hands.  We are going to get really tired of the same food without being able to have bread or biscuits.”

“Well, tonight we can have the rest of the soup I made yesterday and we have plenty of crackers.   Brian went into the kitchen and found a large empty box in the pantry.  He loaded it with food that they could warm up on the stove in the bedroom.  Justin forced himself to walk into the kitchen and pointed a couple things out to Brian that they would probably need.  If it gets as cold as I think it might, we may have no running water by morning. Damn, I wish I could help.  I will manage to start the bathtub water so we will have that.  Fill up the sink and those two big pans.  

While Brian filled everything with water and organized the box of food, Justin walked to the bathroom. Tears came to his eyes as he managed to get the water going.  He had a feeling it would be frozen over in the morning but at least they could use it ice chunk by ice chunk.  Justin had noticed an old chamber pot in the closet and he put that in the bathroom.  By the time he got the water turned off, his hands were bleeding and his feet throbbed. 

As Justin sat down on the bed Brian walked in with the supplies from the kitchen.  “Awe, fuck, your hands….”

“They’ll be alright. Did you get everything?”

“I just need to get wood.  I am going to get all of the wood by the fireplace in the other room. We have quite a bit here already and with what we have in there we should be good for a while.” Once Brian had all the wood in there he shut the door tightly. He even laid a towel along the bottom of the door. “It’s already dropped at least ten degrees in the rest of the house.”

“From the sound of the wind, that doesn’t surprise me. Can you make sure the drapes are all closed tightly.  Anything that will stop the drafts will keep it warmer here.”

“How smart are you, actually?  I swear you know everything about everything.” Brian said as he put more wood in the stove and then turned his attention back to Justin.  “Let’s see if you did any damage.” Justin flinched as Brian unwrapped his hands. “Other than the bleeding spots, the rest actually look better than this morning. They are actually less raw looking. You didn’t answer my question.”

“I do alright.  I was accepted to Dartmouth but when my father cut me off, I couldn’t afford it anymore and I had been accepted at the art school in Pittsburgh.” The whole house felt like it was shuttering when I gust of wind hit it. Brian helped Justin get comfortable after setting the soup at the back of the stove where it could start thawing and warming up.  

Brian walked over and sat on the edge of the bed.  “Justin, I am going to admit to you that I can’t promise I won’t touch you if we sleep together.  I am not a man who denies himself often but if you say no, I  will try to follow your request.  I can’t go back and forth.”

Justin put a hand behind Brian’s head and using his wrist, pulled him down. “I know I am going to hate myself after all this is over, but…”

As they lay together, catching their breath, the windows seemed to be rattling non stop now.  

Brian reached for Justin and pulled him close. “You can’t be ready to go again?” Justin smiled at him.

“Well, I am sure I could manage it but, let’s eat. I’m hungry.” Brian got up and filled two bowls with soup and brought a sleeve of crackers along with the soup for Justin. He started bringing the spoon to Justin’s mouth.

“Brian, If you set the bowl on the end table, I think I can feed myself.  They still hurt but the pins and needles feeling is gone. I can hold a spoon.”  Brian did as he was asked and then got his own bowl. They sat side by side while they ate. “What do you miss the most?”

“Miss the most?”

“I am craving anything that actually takes some chewing.  I would want a steak.  No, not steak, chicken. There is this recipe.  It’s our favorite. Steven and I….oh, sorry.  You don’t want to hear about us.”

“Well, I’m not sure I want to hear about him but I want to hear about you and obviously he is an important part of you.  So what would you have if you could have anything?”

“It’s this amazing chicken dinner.  We make it on the weekend when we have plenty of time.  The chicken is seasoned and browned slightly and then we add mushrooms and other seasonings and let it simmer very low for a couple hours.  Then Steven makes the most amazing mashed potatoes. They are so silky and creamy.  We usually roast some vegetables to serve with it like carrots and onions, maybe some zucchini or brussel sprouts. The juices in the pan are thickened just a little bit and butter is added and then, oh god, now I really miss food like that. We drizzle the juices over top and I think I almost made myself cum.”

“I suppose you share tasting spoons and touch and kiss when you have time.” Brian made the comment sound snarky.

“Sometimes.  Steven loves to make love but he isn’t all that adventurous outside of the bedroom. That doesn’t mean I am deprived in any way. But that chicken and the mushroom gravy is just so fuckin’ good.”

“It sounds like it.  I am sure you realize it by now, I am not much of a cook.  My mom didn’t want me in the kitchen and she was a decent cook but it was just plain meat and potatoes.  We didn’t have extra money for fancy food. Not that chicken and mushrooms are fancy but my mom would never have cooked it like that.”

“God, I wonder how cold it is out there.  It is freezing in here even with the stove going.” Justin shivered.

“Get under the blankets.  I’m just going to rinse this stuff and put more wood on the fire and then I plan to join you in that warm bed.”  Brian started straightening up. “Shit, I should have brought in something to wash the dishes in. I’m going to go get something.  It is only going to get colder in the rest of the house.”  Brian put on a sweater and then the old robe Justin had been wearing around the house. “Be right back.  I get the warm side of the bed when I get back.”

Brian slipped out of the room, closing the door as quick as he could. He rushed down the short hall and into the kitchen.  He just needed to find a container to wash dishes in. As he opened a cupboard he heard an odd noise.  It sounded like it was coming from outside.  It must just be the wind but then he heard something that couldn’t be the wind.  It almost sounded like a baby crying.  He knew that there was not a child outside the door. He went out on the porch and it took his breath away.  It was so cold!  He cracked open the outside door and once he saw what it was he slammed it shut again.  He rushed back into the house, putting two doors between him and that creature.

A voice came from down the hall, “Brian, is anything wrong?”

“Fuck, yes there is something wrong! One of them is outside the door!”  He called back.

“One of who…..you mean there is a wolf outside the door? Brian, a full grown wolf would never be..”

“Who said anything about full grown?”

Justin appeared in the kitchen shivering.  “Brian we can’t let a puppy freeze to death at our door.”

“Justin, it isn’t a puppy.  It’s a wolf!”

“I am not letting a helpless baby…” Justin started opening the door of the porch.  

Brian pushed the door shut.  “Fuck! You aren’t going out there with only that shirt on.  I’ll get him.  Find a blanket to wrap him in.”  Justin rushed to the living room where he knew there was a box of blankets.  In one fluid motion Brian opened the outside door and grabbed the call of fur at his feet before slamming the door shut again. Brian came into the kitchen and then realized the cub wasn’t moving.

“Here, let me have the little thing.” Justin said, pulling the little furball close to him.

“He was moving when I first saw him.  Not anymore.”

“We all need to get into the bedroom or we will freeze.”  Once they were in the room and the door was shut and the bottom of the door was sealed.  Once they were in the heated room again, Justin started looking at the young cub in his arms. “Well, there isn’t much we can do except wait.  If we were too late, we can put him on the porch in the morning.” Justin brought the motionless bundle to his mouth and kissed his head.  Justin stood and gently laid the blanket on the floor by the stove and wrapped it around the fur covered body and got back in the warm bed. “Poor baby.”

“Justin, you just brought a wolf into the house.  What if we woke up and it is at our throats?”

“Come here, big boy.  Let me protect you from the four pounds of fluff.”  Justin felt him shiver a bit.  He was sure he was cold but some of that was probably nerves. “I’m sorry but I couldn’t let that little one outside.  I bet I can take your mind off of him for a while.” Justin’s hand moved under the blankets and his hand slipped into the ratty old thermal underwear Brian was wearing. 
“Well, it looks like I may have woken something up?” As his hand began to work wonders under the covers, Justin started kissing Brian and then began dropping little kisses between the buttons  His tongue would dip in and out between the fabric as he moved below the blanket and soon the last thing on Brian’s mind was the cub on the floor.

“Oh,,,,,,,,,,,,,, “ Brian groaned as Justin sucked him dry.  Justin moved back up and Brian held him close,  “God, you are so good at that.”

As Justin lay in Brian’s arms he heard something. He realized it was the cub by the stove.  It was whimpering and shivering. Justin slipped out of bed and carefully picked the wolf cub up. “He’s alive,” he said in a soft sing-song voice as not to scare it.  “Is there any of your soup left?”

“You’re going to feed it our soup?”

“Brian, we can’t save it just to let it starve.  Tomorrow I will mix up some powdered milk for it but for tonight soup it is.”

Brian looked at the little furball Justin was holding, “It is really cute.” Justin put a bowl on the floor and emptied the remainder of the soup into it. Soon the cub was eating noisily.  Justin’s whole face shone as he watched the little animal eat.  Brian slipped his arm around Justin and kissed him, “You are so beautiful. I don’t know if I have ever seen anyone as perfect.”

“Ha, I am far from perfect. My legs are too short, my hands are large.”

“I am not bothered by the size of your hands. I know what you can do with them.” Brian saw the cub do what babies do on the floor and then it circled on the blanket and laid down again, falling to sleep immediately.  Justin started to move to clean up the mess but Brian pushed him back down. “The last thing you need to do is get an infection in your hands.” Brian quickly cleaned it up and got back into bed.  “So, tell me more about a night at home with Steven.  After you eat do you clean up together?”

“That might depend on how much we drank along with the meal. We would always put away the extra food and then we would leave the kitchen all messed up and we went to the bedroom.  Neither of us were strictly a top of a bottom.  We would often take turns and on a night like that we might do a lot of playing.  We would take different toys and, well, play until we were both sore and exhausted.  But it was the best kind of sore….”

Brian could hear a bit of sadness in his voice. “What is it?”

“I doubt Steven even knows I’m missing.  I understood why he wanted to go on this study trip.  It will be really good for his resume but ….I had an uneasy feeling about him going away and...I know who went on the trip with him and even though I know he loves me but sometimes...I just don’t understand him.  No matter how long I’m with him, there is always a small part of him I just don’t understand.  I so hope to marry him and grow old together …..”

“Why’d you stop?” Brian asked as he stroked Justin’s hair.

“When I came on this trip, I believed that.  Now, well, I wonder if I am limiting myself. I always thought I wanted average, a routine, ordinary.  I’m not sure that is all I want anymore.”

“Blondie, you are so much more than ordinary.  You might be one of the most extraordinary people I have ever met.  Now, shut up and get some sleep.”

Brian fell asleep long before Justin.  Extraordinary, Mr. Kinney thinks I’m extraordinary.  Justin drifted off more confused than he ever had been.  What did he really want out of his life?  He looked at Brian and was sure he knew.