Chapter 7 

“God, who taught you to kiss?” Brian asked groggily.  As his eyes fluttered open he was nose to nose with GC. “SHIT!  He’s trying to eat my face!”

“Give me a break.  GC is giving you a kiss.”

“Don’t think for a minute I didn’t see what he did to my $1,200.00 shoes.”

“Oh, you saw that, did you?” Justin paused for a moment, “Did you say $1,200.00? What makes any pair of shoes worth that much.” 

“They are Italian leath…..get this thing off of me.”

“Come here, GC. Let Mr. Grumpy alone.”

“Doesn’t he have to go out?”  Brian said flatly as he stretched.

“I just got back in.” Justin moved his hands down to Brian’s testicals.  

“See it’s a little cold out there.”  Brian nearly screamed as he touched them. He rolled and pinned Justin to the mattress.  “Just for that, I think you owe me…”  Justin didn’t have to be coaxed.  He moved under the blankets and replaced his hands with his lips and he licked and nibbled Brian’s skin.  Brian laid back and tried to relax as Justin made his body soar. He wanted to take him fast and hard but he had done some counting and they were running short on condoms so he was limiting them to one a day.  Justin’s head popped out, and extended his hand.  “There is nothing I would rather do than feel that tight hole of yours close around me but we need to rashen them now”  Justin shrugged and slipped back under the blankets and took Brian in his mouth gently sucking until Brian shuttered and sighed as he gave into his need.

“Protein is always good for breakfast,” Justin said with a grin on  his face.  He moved up and kissed Brian.  While you were still sleeping I turned on the radio to listen to the news.  The plane was totally destroyed. They had no radio so know one knows where we are. I was thinking maybe we could find some bright colored material and attach it on the roof somehow.  That way if another plane comes into the area….”

“That’s a good idea,” it was Brian’s turn to move downward as Justin trembled just from the thought of him. Brian began to stroke his balls and then back further. Justin began to thrash as the combination of Brian’s hands and mouth brought Justin to an earth shattering climax.

Once Brian came back up and laid on his pillow. Pulling Justin close they stayed that way while Brian again drifted off.  Justin left the bedroom and quickly dressed in front of the fireplace which was now blazing from the logs he had added earlier.  GC tugged at his slippers but Justin offered him the belt of his robe to play tug of war.  When GC settled down in front of the hearth, Justin washed his face and realized he hadn’t shaved in days.  Maybe later he could shave Brian and Brian could shave him. He started thinking about the ritual of shaving and how he and Steven would shave each other at least once a month. There was something about the touch of a lover and being so vulnerable. He pictured Steven bringing the blade to his throat but then he closed his eyes and it was Brian’s face and hands touching him.  Justin knew he had changed while he was here with Brian.  He loved Steven but that wasn’t enough anymore.  Brian had taught him what passion truly was.  He realized he would never be satisfied with Steven again.

Justin dropped onto the sofa and put his head in his hands as tears began to roll down his face.  He realized he wasn’t only going to lose one of his best friends but he was losing his future.  For the last two years he had images that only included Steven.  That was all gone now.  He still wasn’t sure Brian was part of his future but he knew he needed more than a comfortable life.  He needed adventure.  He needed to feel the obsession.

Justin was quiet throughout the day.  He mixed up some bread and then spent time outside with GC.  While they played in the snow, Justin thought he saw something in  the woods. It was staying out of view but he had to think it was a wolf.  Maybe it was GC’s mother? He stood and looked and finally was sure it was a wolf. He still wasn’t going to send GC off to the edge of the forest just yet.

Brian had noticed Justin was quiet after he had come out of the bedroom.  He wondered what had him quiet this time.  He found himself looking out the window as Justin entertained the cub and the cub entertained him. He noticed Justin looking toward the edge of the woods and then he saw it.  Didn’t Justin see it.  There was a wolf right there.  If it wanted to it could close in faster than Justin could get to the cabin.  He was at the door in no time, “Justin, get in  here.  Don’t you see the wolf? It could be here in seconds.  Get the fuck in here!”

Justin picked up GC and moved toward the house, sprinting the last few yards when he saw a blur moving toward him. Brian grabbed Justin’s arm and yanked him in as he slammed the door shut. Brian pulled Justin into his arms as they heard huffing outside the door. He held Justin tight and then crushed his mouth with his own.  When he finally loosened his grip he pushed Justin, who was still holding the squirming pup, into the kitchen. 

“What the hell were you thinking? You saw it out there and stayed! You should have just left it and run like hell! Instead you bring it back in here and….” The cub was tugging on his pants leg and Brian kicked it away, not hard enough to hurt it but enough to scare it.

“What the hell, Brian? He is just a little….” Justin broke away from his grasp and rushed further into the house and picked up the spooked cub.  Holding it close he calmed him and after he was settled, he set the now sleepy baby down by the fire.  He moved the dutch oven into the coals to bake   

Brian had looked at Justin as he walked into the living room and knew he was better to leave him alone for a while.   Justin sat down but then got back up and paced back and forth in the small room.  Then he went to the kitchen and started digging through the pantry and then started banging pots and pans around before rushing back just in time to save the bread from becoming a lump of coal.

“DAMN, FUCK, SHIT!!!” Justin screamed at the top of his lungs before dropping on the sofa.  

Brian rushed down the hall.  “What is it? Did you hurt yourself? Are you alright?” Brian sat on his haunches in front of him. He took Justin’s hands first, making sure nothing was wrong with the healing fingers. Next he tilted Justin’s head up and looked into his eyes.  “Justin, what’s wrong?” Brian’s voice went soft.  He reached out and pulled him into his arms. “It doesn’t matter, Blondie. You’re safe. We’re here together.  You’re not alone.”  He sat down next to him but didn’t say anything. He let Justin cry it out. 

Justin wiped his eyes, “I’m sorry. I…..I just want to be home.  I just want to be safe and warm and I want to order pizza or Chinese and up until now I wanted to see Steven and I still do but I can never love Steven like I should now. Brian I …. I just want to go home and I burnt the bread.”

“Let me make dinner.  Why don’t you take a nap.”

“No, I’ll just fixate.”  GC walked over and jumped up next to Justin but veered away from Brian when he saw him on the other side. 

Brian reached over and picked up the cub who nipped at his finger drawing a drop of blood.  “I deserved that.” He brought the cub up to his neck and snuggled it  “He is kind of cute but I can’t help remembering what he will be some day.”

“Brian, what if this never ends.  I sometimes feel like it will never be back to normal.  I’m not sure I know what normal is anymore.”

“Justin, that weekend I spent with my teacher, I should say the first weekend I spent with my teacher, it was a lot like this.  I was very disappointed we weren’t going snowboarding but after the first blowjob I decided that was much better than sitting at home with my parents. I wasn’t sure where I wanted to be or where I belonged.” Brian set the squirming cub back on the floor. “The problem was his demeanor changed.  He told me there was much more to sex.  He got me drunk. Hell, I thought he was going to rip me apart the first time but you probably felt the same the first time.”

“Brian, you don’t have to…. I know you aren’t comparing you and me to you and the teacher.” 

“No, it was almost 20 year ago but maybe because there is nothing to do here that has me thinking about it.” Brian took a deep breath, “I thought he really cared about me. Finally someone cared. There were a couple more weekends that all included booze and sex.  I convinced myself he actually loved me but then one day I snuck into his office during study hall.  My dad had lost it the night before and I was going to ask him to help me get away from my house but he just said I was too dramatic and he didn’t need that in his life.  He sent me back to study hall just as a younger student walked into his office. I knew at that moment he didn’t love me.  He didn’t even care about me. That was when I knew I would never care about a lover again.”

“But, Brian, you do care about people. I  know you care about your son. I have seen it and I have seen the way you talk about friends.” Justin could tell now was not the time to hug him. “Where is he now? He isn’t teaching is he? I have a friend, Mel, who’s a lawyer. She…..”

“Mel? Not Melanie Marcus?”

“Ya, why? Do you know her?”

“She’s my son’s mother.  One of them anyway.  Her partner, Lindsay, and I went to college together. I bet that’s why you looked a little familiar.  I bet I saw you at something Lindsey drug me to. But no, he’s not still teaching.”  Brian got a glint in his eye.

“Ok, there is more to this story. What did you do to him?”

“What do you say we make some dinner? Is any of the bread salvageable?” Brian kissed Justin and couldn’t stop himself from sliding his hand under Justin’s shirt to feel his warm, soft skin. “I was thinking we could make some spaghetti with sauce and then we can dip the bread into the sauce so if it is a little crusty….”

“That sounds good.  And then you will tell me what happened to your teacher?”

“You might be able to pull it out of me and tomorrow, if Kujo’s  family  isn’t around, we can get a bright colored blanket on the roof to attract a plane if it comes by.”

“If the weather stays as nice as it has been I would think they would send out another plane soon. Your friend said he would do anything to get you back.”

“Are you in such a hurry to get back to Steven?” Brian said as he stood up and offered Justin his hand. Justin took it but didn’t say anything.  He picked up the pot with the bread in it and carried it into the kitchen. 

“Why don’t you start the water for spaghetti and I will get the sausage and sauce simmering. We might as well save gas and do it in the fireplace.” Justin said.

“Are we getting low on gas?”

“I haven’t checked for a while but there can’t be much left.  How long have we been here?”

“Well, the radio this morning gave the date and we have been here about six weeks.  If we hadn’t got hit by that second blizzard they probably would have been here already but you’re right, if we can use the fireplace we may as well.” Brian filled the pot water and carried it to the living room.  Justin followed him with a pan of sauce and meat.  Both pots were set near the fire. Justin started moving away but Brian stopped him and pulled him against him. “Earlier, you were upset.  Is there anything I can do for you?”

“No, I’m…..” Justin threw his arms around Brian’s neck and kissed him.  Brian’s arms tightened around him. Justin pulled back a bit after the kiss was long and languid.  “I …..I….” the sauce started rattling the top of the pan.  “Shit, I can’t let anything else burn today.”  After Justin had stirred the sauce, Brian put pasta in the water.  Justin walked into the kitchen and came back with the bread.  He had cut off a couple spots but after slicing it and spreading butter on it, it looked very good.  “Once it warms up it should be fine.”

Brian’s arms circled around Justin’s shoulders and he pulled him against his chest from behind. He brought his mouth to Justin’s ear, “Is there anything I can do for you?” He ran his tongue along Justin’s ear as he felt Justin’s body relax.

“Yes, but let’s eat first. Check the pasta.”

Half an hour later they were stuffed and GC was just finishing ‘washing their plates’ for them.  Justin leaned against Brian.  “So, Blondie, what can I do for you?”

“Let me shave you.”

“Shave me?”

“How long has it been since you shaved well? You electric razor has been out of power for a couple days and even before that…”

“You like to shave other guys?”

“Brian, have you ever… just get one of the kitchen chairs and bring it in here by the fire. I’ll get my shaving kit. “

Brian shrugged and got the chair.  Justin came back a few moments later and placed a couple things on the mantle of the fireplace.  He scooted a pan of water close to the flames and then took the washcloth he had brought along and put it in the water. He took the cloth out and after wringing it out he put it on Brian’s face before dropping it back in the pan and then took the shaving cream.  He put some in his hand and spread it on Brian’s face and neck.  Justin moved behind Brian and put a hand on Brian’s forehead, tilting his head back so it rested against Justin’s trunk.  And then Justin began to take the razer and started at the base of his neck and slowly drew the razer upward. He almost wished it was a straight edge but it was just a standard razer. Justin rinsed the blade off between every stroke. 

About halfway through Brian knew this was different than any shave he had ever had.  Each stroke began to send shockwaves through his body, directly to his cock. By the time Justin wiped off the remainder of the cream and then walked around to the front of Brian.  Brian spread his legs and pulled Justin so he was standing between them. Now Justin put a hand on each side of Brian’s face and tilted his head back again, bringing his mouth down on Brian’s.  Brian slowly stood up, not letting the kiss be broken.  “That was, fuck…. I want to fuck you so bad it hurts.”

“I was kind of hoping you would want to do that.” Justin took his hand and led him to the bedroom. Once they were in the room they added some wood to the fire and then slowly undressed each other.  When new skin was exposed lips would travel down it until more was bared. Justin ran his hands over Brian’s freshly shaved skin sending electrical shocks through him.

“Who the hell knew that shaving could be so….” Justin pushed Brian back so he laid on the bed and Justin dropped down to take Brian in his mouth. Brian arched to feel Justin’s mouth over more of him. He soon felt himself lose control as Justin gently licked the cum from his lips.

Brian pulled him up onto the bed and repaid the favor and soon they were laying together under the blankets. “Where the hell did you figure out how to make shaving erotic?”

“It is something Steven and I…” he stopped talking for a moment.  I will never be able to go back to him.  I doubt I will ever lose the guilt I am feeling.  But I know he will never be enough.  As much as I love him, I’m not in love with him.  I am not sure what I need but right now it isn’t him.  Brian, tell me what happened to your teacher.”  

“While I was in college I kept track of him.  I knew he left the school about the time I graduated.  He was hired by a minor league baseball team that had several kid’s programs.  He was in charge of young boys on a daily basis.  A friend of mine, Ted from the radio,” Justin nodded, “hacked into his computer at the office and found site after site of child porn.” Brian pulled him closer for comfort.  “It was so disgusting and as we looked at the different file folders, one of them had the name of my Jr. high on it.  After I deleted the pictures of me he had on there, we had a young boy take it to the police.  He had never met the guy but by the time the police realized that, they had plenty of evidence against the guy.  The likelihood of him ever getting out is next to none. Last I heard, he had been beat up so many times they had him in solitary.  How could I ever have thought that was love?”

“You were never taught what love was,” Justin stroked a smooth cheek and then kissed it.  “You never deserved any of that.  You didn’t deserve to have parents that were screwed up and you didn’t deserve to be taken advantage of because of it.  I had heard what an asshole you were and seen some of it myself but that’s just because you are scared to use your heart.”

“Why should I use my heart when it is my dick that keeps me happy?”  Brian positioned Justin.  His chest was on the bed leaving his ass high in the air and after Brian had tasted and tormented him long enough he slipped on a condom and moved into him.  He took it slow, bringing Justin to the brink and then letting him come down just enough and then he would take him even higher.  By the time they both could not restrain themselves they came together just as Brian pulled Justin up to lean again Brian’s chest. Justin’s sweat mingled with Brian’s as his back pressed against Brian’s chest.

Later as Brian snored softly, Justin pulled GC up on bed with him.  “GC, he has so much love to give, if only he could see it.  I don’t know if there is any way to heal his hurt or his heart.  I think, I’m fairly sure, I would enjoy trying to show him how to heal. I know he seems all big and bad.  He likes to act like big, bad Mr. Kinney but deep down he is just little Brian who wants to be loved because he is there.  Not because he did something good.  Not because he gave them money.  Not because he was straight. Just because he was Brian.”

Justin was sure he heard Brian sniffle and after turning to face him he pulled Brian into his arms and kissed him over and over.  “You are so worth loving, Brian Kinney.  You just need to realize it yourself.”

The next morning Justin got up with GC and let him outside.  He stayed near the door after yesterday.  The ground was covered with large wolf tracks. When he came back in moments later, he found Brian watching out the window.  

“You shouldn’t go outside without me to watch,” he said brusquely.

Justin slipped out of his coat and walked over to him.  He ran his hand over Brian’s still smooth cheek. He dropped a kiss on the corner of his mouth. “Good Morning.”

Brian shouldered past him and walked into the living room.  Justin was still standing there looking at the living room door when he heard the radio turn on.  Justin stood in the doorway and watched Brian as the news came on.  There was some national news and then the local news began.  “It is another beautiful day and will begin to melt all the snow we have received this  winter.  This will make the search for the two missing men possible for the next several days. The belief is Brian Kinney and Justin Taylor may have found a cabin to stay in.  There are many of them in this area.  If the men did not find shelter there is little hope they are still alive.”

“After some tea we’ll get something on the roof,” Brian said. He shoved the old kettle they used for heating tea water further into the hearth.  Justin walked over and touched Brian’s shoulder.  He stiffened.

“Brian, what’s wrong?” Justin reached to touch his face but he jerked away.

“Don’t.  Just because I told you a couple things last night doesn’t mean I want your pity.”

“Brian, I am not feeling pity for you.  I just….”

“If you want to touch me I have a cock that could use some attention.”

“You really are an asshole.  Showing me you are human was not a show of weakness.  If anything it was the show of strength.  I’m  going to figure out if I can get on the roof from that side window upstairs.”

Justin went upstairs and by the time he was out on the roof over the kitchen, Brian was outside tracking him.  “I don’t need your assistance.  I am just going to do my best to attach this old blanket to something up here.”

“Be careful up there.” Brian called up.

“And here I planned to be reckless and crazy. Brian, I’ll be fine. I am just going to,” Justin lost his footing on the slick roof.  “Shit!” He caught his footing.

“See, I am not overreacting.”

“I’m fine.” Justin crawled back up and managed to attach the blanket to a vent.  “I think this will stay put.”  As Justin said this he watched a large chunk of snow slowly slide to the edge of the roof and then it dropped off the edge.  He slid carefully to the lip of the roof and looked over.  Brian stood there completely buried in snow. He tried not to laugh, “Are you alright?”

Brian looked up and just sneered.  “I’m fine!” He snapped just as one last snow dropped and hit him smack in the face.  

Now Justin got the giggles.  As he tried to cross back to the lower roof he lost his footing and this time he couldn’t stop.  “Watch out!” he shouted as he fell off the edge of the roof.

Brian quickly moved the few steps to where Justin had disappeared into a snowbank.  “Justin, hey, Justin.” Brian supported his neck as Justin tried to sit up. “Don’t, you little shit!  What if something  is broken.?”

“Brian, this drift isn’t much harder than a bed. I’m fine.”  As Justin sat up he realized maybe he spoke too soon.  He dropped back. “Ok, so I’m not hurt seriously but I think I might have twisted my back as I fell. Can you help me get up, slowly?”

“Hold on to my hands and I will try to pull you up slowly.” Brian started to walk backwards so Justin wouldn’t have to twist as he got off the ground.  Brian got him on his feet and for a moment held onto him. “Can you walk?” 

“As long as I don’t have to run...and don’t look now but we need to get in the house. Just help me walk.  There is a big wolf on the treeline.  We need to move.”

Brian started supporting him as they moved as quickly as they could to the back door.  Once they got inside and the door shut, they leaned against it.  “That was too fuckin’ close,” Brian said as the wolf started scratching at the door an whining.  “Justin, I know how fond of GC you are but…. Maybe we need to give him back.”

“Brian, we don’t even know if that is his mother.  What if we let him out and she kills him? What if she just wants a meal?”

Brian walked over to a nearby window and looked out at the pacing wolf, “Well, it is obvious she had cubs not long ago. Justin, you know if …”

Justin began to stoop down to pick GC up but stopped when pain shot down  his back. Brian bent down and picked up the cub and handed him to Justin.  Justin snuggled him close but he realized the furball struggled to move to the door. “GC, is it time for you to go?  Do you hear you mama out there?”

GC gave a little yip and then the mother started howling on the other side of the door.  Brian walked over and held Justin for a moment.  “Justin, it’s time.  I think that is just a mother who needs her child.  

Justin kissed GC and handed him to Brian. “I can’t set him down.  Just set him down and nudge him out.  You won’t have to open the door more than a couple inches and then get in and shut the outside door as….”

“Blondie, you don’t have to worry that I’ll waste time out there.”  As Brian moved to the door, Justin moved to the window. He heard the inside door creek open and then he could see the outside door from the angle he had.  It opened a couple inches and then it slammed shut.  Justin watched as the wolf started sniffing the cub.  Brian arrived next to Justin and put his arms around him from behind, looking out the window. Brian kissed Justin’s neck, “That was the right thing to do.”

“I know. But who can I talk to now?” Justin said as GC started bouncing all over his mother.

Brian started to open his mouth but then shut it again. He didn’t need any more heart to heart conversations.  He wanted to screw he’d screw but right now he needed his own space.  He had shared living space long enough. Justin carefully turned around and rested his head against Brian’s shoulder. Ok, maybe space could wait until tomorrow.