Chapter 9

The first week after their rescue, Brian stayed in his loft.  The third night back Ted had come over with a couple more of his friends, Michael and Emmett.  They brought along Chinese and sat on the floor in the middle of Brian’s loft around an accent table and ate.  Brian told them about the prick that set him up to get lost in the blizzard and about getting stuck and walking blindly.  

“God, Brian,” Michael hugged his long time friend.  “You could have died!” Brian gave him a ‘duh’ look.  “I mean I knew that but just hearing you tell us about it.  I am so glad I can hug you again.”

“I know what you meant.” Brian hugged him back. Why did he feel so lonely with his very best friends?

“So tell us!  Ted says the young man you were sequestered with was beautiful.”  Emmett said as he took a bite of Garlic Chicken.  “Good thing I don’t have a date tonight. So spill.  Tell us about Justin.”

“I would have died if it wasn’t for him. He is tenacious and extremely intelligent. And he is so talented, I tried to get him to come work for me.”

Ted had heard it before but both Emmett and Michael sat there with their mouths open. Michael touched his arm, “I’ve never seen you react to anyone like this.  Brian, did you fall….”

“Don’t go there, Mikey.  We just got close, being stranded and reliant on each other. I gained weight from his cooking and that was on rations.  I mean his home made bread…” Brian quickly stopped. His friends got quiet and continued eating.  They knew him well enough that now wasn’t the time to mess with him. After Brian had eaten a few more bites he said, “Did I miss much around here?”

Emmett told him all about his latest dating adventures and then Michael told him how their adoption was going.  “Ben wanted to come tonight but he is teaching a class.  He may be named head of his department for the fall.”

The conversation went on but Brian stayed quiet.  Ted recognized the look.   He had seen it at the office many times when Brian was trying to work through a major problem.  “Maybe Brian’s had enough company for tonight. He is used to isolation.”  Ted stood and Michael and Emmett helped clear out the food.

“Brian, call me if you need anything. Ben and I could be here….” Michael said as he hugged Brian and headed toward the door.  

Emmett patted Brian’s shoulder, “Bri, if this kid is as great as he sounds…. Don’t let him slip away.”

Ted looked at Brian, “Are you coming back to work soon?”

“I’ll be there on Monday.” Brian looked over at Ted, “Theodore, I don’t say it often enough, but I’m not sure I could run my business without you.  Is Blake home?”

“He will be in half an hour.” Ted hugged Brian.

“Go enjoy him.”

“Brian, are you…”

“See you Monday,”  he pushed Ted out of the door and locked it.

“Justin, my love,” Steven came up behind Justin and turned him around. “Where were you? You came home but you’re never here.”   He kissed him and as Steven pulled him close Justin couldn’t do it any longer.  The last three days, Steven had done everything but brush his teeth for him and he just wanted some space.  They had made love but Justin just went through the motions.  He was going to have to tell him. He just couldn’t fake it anymore. “Justin, what’s wrong?”

“Oh, Steven, I guess I just changed while I was stranded. I had lots of time to think and I am not sure that I am ready to be married.  I just don’t think I can settle down now.”

“Is it that tall, handsome stranger you spent weeks with?”

“Brian just showed me that…..”

“How could he know if we were meant to be together?”

“Oh, Steven, I love you.  I will always love you but do we really have the kind of love that will keep us wanting? When was the last time you tried something different?  When were you…”

“But I thought we made a commitment. I never imagined being with anyone else.  I have loved you ….you are the only one I’ve ever loved.” Tears began to roll down his cheeks.

“Steven, please, don’t cry.  When you find the right man, you’ll know it.  When he touches you,” Justin reached out and stroked Steven’s cheek. “I do love you but you deserve someone that with the touch of a hand or look can make you so hard that you ache to cum.”

“But, Justin, what about moving somewhere together? What about the house and the children?”  Now Steven was beginning to shake and sob but when Justin touched him he jerked away.

“Justin can you go please.  I will be out of the apartment tomorrow by 8:00 so you can come and pack up then. It’s student housing so you have to go.”

“Oh, Steven, I am sorry.  Can we be friends? Who am I going to…..”

“Don’t call me, I’ll call you.” Was all he said as he walked to the bedroom and shut the door.

Justin looked at the closed door.  He thought for a minute.  Where should he go? He had seen his mom the last 3 days but she had a trip and he told her to take it. He stood for a moment and then grabbed his jacket and walked out the door.  He got in his car and drove.  He drove across town just to go past Kinnetik.  He found a parking spot across the road and sat there.  He realized Brian was probably not there but he felt his spirit here.  He imagined him walking in and out of that building with that cocky stride of his.  He missed him.

Shit he had to go to the bathroom.  He remembered there was a diner around the corner and a couple blocks down. He left the car where it was and jogged to the Liberty Diner.  The sun had set and the  streetlights were just flickering on.  He slowed and walked into the front door and stepped into a restaurant that took him back to the 60’s except for the clientele. 

“You look lost, Sunshine, what can I do for you?” A lady behind the counter said. 

“Bathroom? Then I’ll order,” Justin said as he rushed to the back.  Once he felt better he came out and sat at the counter.  Justin sat there staring at the menu.  He hadn’t read a word yet.  What the hell was he supposed to do.  He pulled out his cell phone and texted his best friend, Daphne.  A moment later a message came back.  She’d be home at 7:00 and he was welcome to stay overnight. He looked at his watch.  He had an hour.

“Honey, you look like you just lost your best friend.  I think you need one daily special.  Can I get you one?” the woman behind the counter asked.  “I’m Debbie, by the way. You’re new here, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” Justin looked at what the special was, “and the special looks good.”

Debbie called out to the cook and leaned over the counter setting a glass of water down in front of him.  “I’m a good listener. I have a son, too, but he’s a little older than you are.  I can always spot someone who has troubles.”

Justin wasn’t sure what came over him but he started talking.  “I just broke up with my fiance.”

“You broke it off?” Debbie asked as she set down the plate of food.

“Yes.  And I hurt him so bad.  I realized I love him but I am not in love with him.  There was no passion between us, just comfortable familiarity.”

“Am I right in guessing you have found that passion?”

“Well, it is no one I will ever end up with but we kind of got thrown together.  It was beyond amazing even though he is an arrogant son of a bitch.” Justin looked at Debbie, “Sorry about the language.”

“Oh, honey, I’m used to it.  I use it myself.  You don’t think you can find this SOB?”

“Oh, I’m sure I could find him but he and I have different plans.  He made it clear he will never settle down.”

“That sounds like someone I know,” Debbie laughed.  Debbie continued to work but would stop by the young man every so often.  

Justin finished his meal and after Debbie insisted he eat a lemon bar he paid for his meal and stood to leave.  “Thank you, Debbie,” he smiled at her. “You are great at your job.”

“Come back anytime, sunshine.  What’s your name?”

“Justin. Justin Taylor.”  As Justin walked out he bumped into a dark haired man.  Why did he look familiar?  Then he heard Debbie call him Ted as the door shut.  That was Brian’s Ted.

“Hey, Ted,” Debbie said as he turned back to the door.  “Well, that’s rude, turning away.”

“Sorry, Debbie.  That young guy that just left, do you know who that was?”

“He said his name was Justin.  Isn’t Blake young enough for you?”

“That is the guy that was stranded with Brian.”

“It was my SOB he was talking about.”

“What?”  Ted questioned.

“Justin just left his boyfriend and ….is Brian home?”

“Well, I don’t know that for sure but he seems to be staying home lately.” Ted replied.

“I think it is time I go talk to him. He could do a lot worse than that beautiful, intelligent, young man. What is Brian waiting for?”

“Debbie, you and I both know Brian is scared to death to feel anything. Anything more than his feelings for us, is more than he will allow.”

“Well, maybe it is time for him to get reminded.” Debbie grabbed her jacket and yelled at the cook she was leaving. 

“Good luck, Debbie.  You’re going to need it.” 

Justin arrived at Daphne’s just as she arrived home. Once they were in the apartment, Daphne opened her arms and hugged her long time friend. “So you really did it?”

“I did.  I love Steven for all his good qualities but I couldn’t settle for that comfortable life after ….”

“After experiencing real passion?” 

“Yes. Have you ever been with someone that only had to look at you to get that feeling deep inside? That moment when you just knew you needed him.  I think I would change what I wanted in life just to spend time with him. I didn’t know making love could be….”

“Justin, you know I liked Steven. He was very nice but Justin, you are so much more than ‘nice’.  You have passion.  You need adventure and excitement.”

“That’s why I knew I wouldn’t ever be satisfied with Steven.  I would always wonder what I was missing.”

“So, how are you going to get him?”

“Daph, I don’t think I ever will but there are others out there with a sense of adventure and there has to be someone else that can give me that feeling.”

“I don’t know, Justin.  If I could find someone that made me feel that way, I might even think about making a commitment.” Daph kissed his cheek. “Let’s make some dinner and then you can drink yourself into oblivion. Tomorrow’’s Saturday.  We have all day to figure out how you are going to get Mr. Brian Kinney back in bed.”

Brian lay on the white rug in the middle of the loft.  Why wasn’t he going to Babylon?  He had a list of emails and texts inviting him to different events but nothing interested him.  He missed the smell of firewood.  He missed the homemade bread.  He missed…. The buzzer to his downstair’s door sounded.  He ignored it but it kept buzzing.  Then his phone buzzed. He picked it up and saw the message from  Debbie.  “Let me up, you SOB!”

He got off the floor and strode to the intercom. “Let me up!” Debbie shouted.

“Well, since you asked so nicely….”  Brian pressed the enter button and he heard the door click on the intercom. He unlocked the door and slid it open just as the lift door came open.

“You know I have been trying to see you since you got back.  I was so worried, Brian!” Debbie hugged him and he had to hug her back. “We were so sure you were dead.  We just couldn’t imagine and when I called your mom….Oh never mind.  You know you are like a second son to me.”  

Brian had to smile.  As aggravating as Debbie could be, he loved her. He gave her a longer hug then he expected.  He seemed to need something from her right now.  “It’s good to see you, Debbie.”

As they continued the hug, Debbie asked, “Brian, love, are you alright? What you went through had to have shaken you up.”

“I guess so.  But it wasn’t all that bad.  We had food. We could stay warm.  We even had a pet.”

“A pet?”  Debbie questioned and Brian told her all about the wolves that were around the cabin. “A wolf? In the cabin?”

“We actually hated to see him go.” Brian got quiet and stared out a window to the street below.

“You’ve used the word ‘we’ more tonight than you ever have in your life. Tell me about him.”

“He was just a guy.” Brian took a deep breath, “No, that’s not true.  If it wasn’t for him, I probably wouldn’t be here.  Justin is a great man.”

“Didn’t the news say that he was engaged?”

“He is but…. I just can’t…. He will never be happy with Steven.  Justin won’t be happy with the mundane. He needs to take risks. He could never live his fullest life with Steven.”  Brian turned and when Debbie saw his face she reached out and patted his face.  

“Oh, Brian, the look on your face says far more than your words. He is an amazing kid. I know you won’t admit it but you don’t have to.  You love him and I can see why.”

“Just from his picture you can tell all that?”

“No, talking to him for an hour at the diner.”

“You saw Justin? How does he look? Was Steven with him?  Did he seem….”

“Brian, he left Steven.  He needed to piss and then ate a special while he waited for his friend to get home from work.”

“Oh, well, I’m glad he came to his senses.  Now he can spread his wings and his legs and fly.”

“You really are an SOB.  He called you an arrogant SOB. Brian, go find him and bring him here.”

“Debbie, mind your own business.  He wants a husband and even kids.  You know that isn’t going…..”

“It could, Brian and I think it would be good for you. Look at Michael and Ben.  They are so happy.”

Brian walked to the door and opened it.  “Debbie, I don’t need your advice.  I have to go back to work next week so I only have a couple days to get back into business mode. I don’t need the blonde to…”

“Fine, Brian.  Just remember, that young man that cared so much about you is free and avoiding him is going to hurt both of you.”  Debbie kissed his cheek, “You deserve to be happy, Brian. You always have.”

This is when Brian wished he had a door he could slam. He stood in the center of the room and screamed.  It was primal and filled with pan.  He went back to the center of the room and laid down again.  He refused to see anyone until the remainder of the weekend.

Daphne helped Justin move out on Saturday morning.  Steven was at class and didn’t return while they were there.  Justin settled into living with Daphne.  She had just lost her roommate so she was glad to have someone split the bills.  She wasn’t glad to see her best friend hurting so badly.  

Justin went back to work on Monday.  He threw himself into his work.  He was given control of a project and he buried himself in it.  He was working 12 hours days and when he got home he would stay in his room.  Daphne had never seen him like this.  He was getting worried about him but what could she do? It's not like she could just walk into Kinnetik and asked to see him but if this continued she would figure out something.

Brian came back at full tilt.  He was  at Kinnetik for 16 hours a day.  It was very evident after the first day Mr. Kinney did not want to be interrupted.  The only two people that stepped into his office were Ted and Cynthia.  They were the only ones that weren’t scared of his bite.  At the end of the week, Cynthia stopped late Friday afternoon saying,  “Brian, I am leaving.” She looked at him sitting with his head in his hands.  “Brian,” her voice soft, “Can I do anything?”

“No, I’m good,” he looked up at her.  He didn’t look good.  

“Brian, diving into work isn’t going to make you feel better. Have you talked to him?” Cynthia put a hand on his shoulder.

“Called who? I’m just getting back…”

“Brian, don’t try to bullshit me. I have known you far too long.  Justin Taylor must be a special man or you wouldn’t be acting like this.  Call him.  Ask how he is.  He’s a friend.  You obviously love him.” He jerked his head up to look at her.  “I didn’t say in love, but it is obvious you really care about him.  Have coffee and catch up.”

“I don’t even know where he is.  He moved and I don’t know where.”

“Kinney, you know very well you could find him if you need to. And if you don’t do it, I will.” With that Cynthia turned and walked out.  She walked directly to Ted’s office.  “Ted, something needs to be done.  Brian can’t go on like this….”

The next week was the same for both Brian and Justin and those around them.  Daphne was really worried by Friday.  Justin wasn’t working and he wasn’t talking.  He was mourning, both the loss of what he had planned to be his life but more than that, he missed Brian.  On her way home from work she drove past Kinnetik.  She wasn’t sure why but she had to do something for her friend.  She couldn’t believe her luck when she found a parking spot and then saw Ted Schmit who had been on the news when Justin was still missing.  

“Mr. Schmidt, may I have a word?”

Ted was surprised to see a young woman coming his way.  “Um, should I know you?”  Ted asked.

“Well, no. My name’s Daphne.  Justin Taylor is my best friend.”

“Justin? Where is he? We have been trying to locate him.”

“We? Brian is looking for him?”

“No, Brian’s personal assistant and me. Brian would kill me if he knew.  All we could find out  is that he left the apartment he shared with his boyfriend.  Is it really over between them?”

“Oh, yes.  What if we lie?”

“I could do that.  Do you have a plan?”

“If you told Brian Justin wanted to see him, what would he do?”

“I think he would agree, if it was Justin’s idea.” Ted commented.  “And you would tell Justin it was Brian’s idea?”

“Exactly.  Do you think it would work?”

“Is Justin as messed up as Brian?”

“Oh, Mr. Schmidt…”

“Ted, please.”

“Ted, I have never seen Justin like this.  I am not even sure the last time he ate and he is either sleeping all the time or not at all.  I am not sure.”

“Brian is at work most of the time.  He let it slip that the weekend before he came back to work, he laid in the middle of his living room the entire weekend. He only got up to go to the bathroom.  He has mentioned homemade bread and the smell of a fireplace multiple times.”

“Yes, the few times Justin has talked he never completes a sentence and ends up going back to his room. So, are we going to do this thing?”

“Let’s try for Sunday about 2:00 pm.  Do you think you can get Justin to the Liberty Diner?”

“I will drag him here if I have to.  I will get him there a little early and I will face the window.  As soon as I see Brian, I will slip out of the back or something.  You just have Brian there at 2:00 pm.”

They exchanged numbers and went their own way.  If this didn’t work neither of them knew what they would do.