To: Ruby ‘Peanut’ Kinney-Taylor
From: Patrick Kinney
Date: May 27, 2035 10:16
Subject: Operation ‘Send ‘em away’
Hey, Rubs!
Have you advanced with our Top Secret mission?
Dylan found flight tickets at a great rate. (It’s awesome to date a pilot!!)
Answer promptly, will ya? Don’t take ten hours like the last time!
Pat
PS: You sure you can get them that cottage? Dylan can find awesome hotel rates too.
To: Patrick Kinney
From: Ruby Kinney-Taylor
Date: May 27, 2035 10:32
Subject: RE: Operation ‘Send ‘em away’
Would you stop pestering me??? I said I’d do it.
The cottage is as much as secured since I came up with the idea! The problem is transportation to that island. Can your boyfriend find a boat or something since he’s so awesome? (insert big eye roll)
I take forever to answer because I’m stuck with a kid. Why didn’t someone stop me? Thankfully, Daddy dropped by last night and stole Aiden. They can deal with him. I can’t.
Ruby Kinney-Taylor
CEO Unique Style Inc.
To: Ruby ‘Peanut’ Kinney-Taylor
From: Patrick Kinney
Date: May 27, 2035 10:55
Subject: RE: Operation ‘Send ‘em away’
You had to answer from your work e-mail, did you? Boast that you’re in the top under 25 that got accomplished in Pittsburgh.
I’ll call Dylan about the boat. I’m sure he has friends that can help.
I’m so excited we’re doing this, Ruby! =) Our dads always talk about going South for a vacation but never do it.
Now I know why…you use them as babysitters. As for someone stopping you….what exactly could anyone do? You decided to take the year off between high school and college to travel. Then you came home preggo and said you didn’t know who the father was. If you were mine, I’d have kicked you to the curb!
Anyway, I have to go back to my poor artist life. Us, peasants, have to earn our living day by day.
Pat
To: Patrick Kinney
From: Ruby Kinney-Taylor
Date: May 27, 2035 11:45
Subject: RE: Operation ‘Send ‘em away’
Why must you get me angry every time we talk? Ugh!
Look, I regret that year I took off…but I have Aiden. As much as he drives me crazy, I love him.
And I have my company because I wasn’t stupid like you. I accepted our dads’ help. And look how well my designs sell only one year after I opened it.
You could pull your head out of your butt too and accept their help. I hear them worrying about you all the time, Patrick. Dada is proud of you for living the dream of an artist, while Daddy is worried sick that at 30 you still don’t have a stable income.
As for our plan, talk to Dylan about the boat thing and let me know. And hurry!
Ruby Kinney-Taylor
CEO Unique Style Inc.
To: Ruby ‘Peanut’ Kinney-Taylor
From: Patrick Kinney
Date: May 27, 2035 11:50
Subject: RE: Operation ‘Send ‘em away’
I’m 29, you cunt!
Pat
oOo
“…and then I told Ms. Paxton I don’t like the piano anymore. Oh, and there’s a new boy and he offered to play the piano. Ms. Paxton told me to choose something else. I didn’t because I don’t know what I like. She told me to talk to Mommy about it and next class to let her know.” Aiden finished babbling.
“Well, did you tell your mommy about this?” Justin asked gently.
I was already tired and all I had to do was listen to his ten minutes long speech. I even forgot what got him going, but the kid was restless. And I was past the age where I could tolerate being around young children, even though Aiden was my grandson.
Ugh. I couldn’t believe Ruby made me a grandfather. I never thought I’d catch the day when one of my kids would have a kid of their own.
Of course, it had to be Ruby, because she was my splitting image in every little thing she did—her sex life included.
Justin nudged my leg. “I said we’re heading to the pool. Want to join us?”
“Isn’t it still a little too cold for the pool?”
“Then you come up with something.”
“I can show you the instruments Mr. Paxton suggested.” Aiden rushed out of the room, most likely to grab his backpack.
I threw my head over the back of the couch. “Remind me to kill Ruby for doing this to us,” I muttered.
“Are you okay?” Justin shifted closer, stroking my head.
I glanced at him. “I’m okay. Honest.”
It had been a couple years since we had a scare when I felt terrible, and after some investigations it seemed like an old buddy of mine had returned. This time round, Justin was the first to hear about the potential Big C, and I threatened him upfront to not tell a soul until we knew everything. Thankfully, the doctor announced to us it wasn’t any danger and the tumor was benign.
Still, Justin freaked every time he saw me tired or cringing or wincing. I tried reminding him it was normal for all kinds of muscles to ache since I was a certain age I rarely chose to acknowledge.
He snuggled closer, resting his head on my shoulder. “Then why aren’t you more into this? I like having Aiden over. Isn’t this what all people dream of? Growing old together and then taking care of their grandchildren?”
“That’s your dream. Mine was to retire to Boca, drink cocktails, and ogle hot young studs.”
“We can always to do. Just say the word.” He beamed, kissing my cheek fondly.
“And leave Ruby with her child? Seriously? She can barely take care of herself. I’m proud she took after me in some aspects, but fuck. She can be such an air-head. I’m surprised she remembers how to breathe.”
Justin laughed, throwing his head back. “That’s from me.”
“I’m back!” Aiden squealed, rushing to us with a folder. He threw himself on our laps, grinning.
“What do you have there? Let’s see.” Justin took the folder from him, while I rearranged him on my lap, cuddling him close.
“Why don’t you like the piano anymore?” I asked, truly curious.
“I got bored.” He shrugged.
Justin caught my eye, snorting in laughter. I smirked, because yes, Aiden gave such a me answer.
“The guitar! Do you think you’d like that?” Justin checked, looking at the folder in his hands.
“Dunno.”
“Hand me the tablet from the table,” I told Justin. “We’re going to listen to all the instruments you have there. The one you like more, it’s going to be what you do. But I still think you should reconsider the whole piano thing. Your mom got you that beautiful piano for your birthday and she’ll be upset to know you don’t want it anymore.”
Aiden rolled his eyes. “Mommy got the piano because it looks nice in our condo.”
Justin made the universal sign of zipping his mouth, laughing soundlessly.
“I’ll have a talk with her,” I decided. “In the meantime, let’s listen to these instruments.”
It was going to be a long day, and if we could keep him entertained with this little game, we scored golden points in our grandpas handbook.
oOo
To: Patrick Kinney; Ruby Kinney-Taylor
From: Gus Peterson-Marcus
Date: May 27, 2035 15:46
Subject: Your plan
Hey, guys! I heard of your plan and let me tell you one thing: ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY INSANE? Do you want to send Dad and Justin to a deserted island? Better knock them in the head and be done with it.
Change your plans immediately!!! You hear me? They aren’t two recluse grandpas! And you call yourselves their children. I know them better.
Listen, I heard Uncle Mike saying he and Dad used to joke about retiring to Boca…ages ago. So I’d start looking for resorts in Boca Raton. Be sure the hotel is in a populated area with shops and clubs and PEOPLE! Many people.
Christ. Thank God, you slipped your secret to me, Patrick.
I want to help. Let me know if I can do anything.
Love,
Your big brother (for a reason!!!) Gus
To: Patrick Kinney
Cc: Gus Peterson-Marcus
From: Ruby Kinney-Taylor
Date: May 27, 2035 17: 05
Subject: RE: Your plan
You told Gus, you idiot! (I’m not mad you, Gus. Really. We should have thought to include you from the first second. Sorry)
Are you sure about them not liking to go somewhere private? Just the two of them? Damn. We have to cancel all our plans.
Okay. We’ll do it from scratch. Meeting at my condo tonight at 9 PM. I want both of you there! You can bring Dylan too, Patrick...if he's here. And you can come with Maya, Gus. She’s real nice. I haven’t seen her in ages.
I don’t want any excuses. You’ll be there.
Ruby Kinney-Taylor
CEO Unique Style Inc.
oOo
“That was Ruby,” Justin said coming in the kitchen with the phone in his hand. I was busy trying to talk Aiden into eating the beans.
“Oh, yeah? When is she coming after her brat?”
“She’s not.”
I nearly dropped the fork. “Give me the phone! I’m going to rip her a new one.”
“Calm down, Brian. Remember what the doctor said? No stress.”
“Fuck. The doctor.” I lunged for the phone.
Justin dodged me, shoving the phone inside his pants. “She has a get-together with her brothers. They haven’t been all together in months. I promised we’d keep Aiden for the night.” He stroked the little boy’s head. “We love having him here.”
I huffed, not sure I liked the plan.
“Don’t we?” Justin inquired.
“We do.” I winked at Aiden, slumping in the seat next to him. “When he behaves. If you don’t eat all your greens, your mom won’t bring you here again,” I said, knowing he wouldn’t touch them.
To my surprise and Justin’s amusement, Aiden grabbed a spoon from the table and started shoveling the green vegetables from his plate into his mouth.
“We can do it, Bri. We brought up Patrick and Ruby. We can do it with him, too.”
“Well, as long as he behaves.” I stared at Aiden as he ate. “Slow down, kiddo. Don’t make yourself sick. Chew, then swallow, okay?”
oOo
To: Patrick Kinney
Cc: Gus Peterson-Marcus
From: Ruby Kinney-Taylor
Date: May 28, 2035 11: 27
Subject: RE: Your plan
I’m SO excited! Aren’t you?
Can’t wait for tonight when we tell them. Someone should call 911 just in case.
Are we still on for meeting back home at six? I just hung up with Daddy. He said they’re going to visit Uncle Mike for dinner.
Waiting for your replies.
PS: It’s a good idea to ask your moms, Gus. The more I think of it. We can’t afford the fortnight in that glamorous hotel on our own. (You know I’m glaring at you, Patrick. Stop living your artist dream and get a real job already! You’re 30!)
Ruby Kinney-Taylor
CEO Unique Style Inc.
To: Ruby ‘Peanut’ Kinney-Taylor
Cc: Gus Peterson-Marcus
From: Patrick Kinney
Date: May 28, 2035 12: 09
Subject: RE: Your plan
YES! We’ll be there at six. You told us three hundred times last night. I’m not mentally incapacitated.
And for the LAST time (or I’ll go for the jugular) I’m 29! Twenty-nine! Got it? T-W-E-N-T-Y N-I-N-E!!!!
I’m not living my artist dream! I actually have a big commission lined up. If you think this is an ambition of mine…to be poor…I think you should have a talk to Dada. He started like me. Look how big he got.
Pat
To: Patrick Kinney
Cc: Gus Peterson-Marcus
From: Ruby Kinney-Taylor
Date: May 28, 2035 12: 15
Subject: RE: Your plan
You’re a loser, Patrick. You live off that hunk you call a boyfriend. And who the fuck knows what/who he’s doing while he’s gone being a pilot. He’s probably the President of Mile High Club!
Dada never lived off Daddy’s back. He even fucking waited tables, remember? But doing that is below your standards.
Don’t come to me when you’re sixty and don’t have a pension or money to buy bread. I won’t look at you.
Ruby Kinney-Taylor
CEO Unique Style Inc.
To: Ruby ‘Peanut’ Kinney-Taylor
Cc: Gus Peterson-Marcus
From: Patrick Kinney
Date: May 28, 2035 12: 19
Subject: RE: Your plan
If I’m a loser, you’re a cunt! Let’s talk about Aiden’s father. Oh, oops. You don’t even know who he is! STFU!!! You have no right to judge me until you sort out your priorities.
Pat. (the dot means I’m done talking to you)
To: Ruby Kinney-Taylor; Patrick Kinney
From: Gus Peterson-Marcus
Date: May 28, 2035 16: 54
Subject: RE: Your plan
Christ! I just checked my email. Would you two kindly fight without having me at Cc? Thank you.
And if you want some big brother advice, you’re both idiots.
First you, Patrick. Ruby is right to some extent. You DO need a stable income. She’s right about Jus. He painted and did his commissions, but he started with waiting tables at the diner. And he accepted money from Dad to pay his college.
Look, if you don’t want to do something as denigrating as waiting tables (though your dads would agree with me that it’s not so bad to do that), you can do something you like. I know Maya’s kindergarten is looking for someone to play with the kids. Not a teacher like her. Someone to entertain them. Maybe you could do it. I bet they’d love to learn how to draw with you…and you’ll have fun. If you’re interested, let me know.
Second, Ruby. We all know (sadly) of Dad’s questionable lifestyle before he met Jus. You don’t have to repeat every mistake he made.
I don’t want to bring up that dreadful subject again, but if you thought long and hard….maybe you can remember who Aiden’s father is. I bet you weren’t with a hundred guys while gone. And if there’s more to the story, as I suspect, I’m here to listen and help. So is Patrick, I’m sure. We’re siblings—we should stick together. I, for one, promise not to tell any of our parents.
In conclusion, I’ll see you both at six. You better kiss and make up by then. You know how Dad and Jus always know when you had a fight. Let’s not upset them when we want to give them a much deserved vacation.
Gus (the older and wiser brother of two brats)
oOo
As I drove back home from dinner at Mikey’s, I saw a distant look on Justin’s face. I didn’t like it.
“What’s up?”
“Nothing.” He kept his eyes out the window, deep in thought.
“Hey, I know that look. Don’t bullshit me. It’s about how lonely Mikey is.”
Justin turned to narrow his eyes at me, but all I noticed were the tears swimming in his eyes.
I was grateful we’d be home soon. Ruby was hopefully already there to grab her kid so I’d be alone with Justin. I knew how sad he got every time we were around Michael.
“Watch that mouth, will you? Our kids are a lost case, but we don’t want to teach Aiden bad words too, okay?”
“Justin…” He was dodging the subject.
“Yes. It’s heartbreaking to see Michael, okay? Is that what you want to hear? I don’t understand why he refuses to come live with us, or accept a minimum of help. Subconsciously I knew Ben was a ticking bomb, but I had no idea Michael would react like this. It’s been what…almost five years! I can’t see him waste himself like that!”
I was shocked by his outburst. “Like you wouldn’t be the same,” I said quietly.
“I’d rather kill myself than inflict my pain on others,” he muttered, slumping in his seat. “Do you think this is how Ben wanted Michael to react? I doubt it.”
“Justin, you know that they loved each other very much. And when we thought he was getting better after Ben…then…” I closed my eyes for a second, before focusing on the suddenly blurry road.
“Then Debbie,” Justin whispered, wiping his tears. “Fuck. It’s always like this. You know…when someone needs a good crying session and doesn’t have a reason to actually cry, they should visit Michael.”
We stayed silent until we reached the house. I was still thinking of how sad Michael looked, and probably Justin was too, because we both jumped when Aiden squealed loudly about his favorite uncle being there.
We had no idea which one was his favorite since it changed every hour. Besides, we had three cars parked in front of the house: Ruby’s, Patrick’s, and Gus’s.
“Do we have a family meeting that I don’t know about?” I wondered, sliding out of the car.
“You know anything of this?” Justin let Aiden crawl on his back.
I swear, the twat wouldn’t learn his lesson unless his back acted up.
“Nope.” Aiden shrugged, grinning. “Come on! I miss Uncle Gus!”
So it was Gus his favorite at the moment.
“Don’t you miss your mom too?” I fished for the keys, but Justin beat me to the door, ringing the bell.
“I guess I miss Mommy too.”
The door was pulled open by Patrick with a slice of pizza between his teeth and a beer bottle in his hand.
“Help yourself to whatever you need, by all means,” I drawled, taking the beer from his hand.
“We oght da peeza. Yoow ‘ad beer.”
“You have to swallow before talking. Always swallow,” Aiden chided him, making all of us laugh.
“Who’s arrived?” Ruby called from the living room.
“Only your parents,” I shouted back. “So you better call off the wild party you have planned.”
“Daddy! What took you so long? We were expecting you hours ago!” She rushed into the hallway, clinging to me.
“Your uncle missed his vocation. He should have become a shrink.”
“Justin,” I hissed.
“How’s Uncle Mike?” Patrick asked, worried. “I haven’t seen him in forever.”
“And you better not. Unless you’re totally depressed,” Justin muttered, before sighing loudly. “I have something that’s yours, Peanut. He’s stuck on my back.”
She giggled, extracting her kid and hugging him. “Hey, sweetie. Guess who’s here?”
“Uncle Gus!” He barreled into the living room.
“Did you feed him energy drinks?”
“That’s exactly what we did.” I took a pull from the bottle, going into the living room. “Hey, kiddo.”
“Hey, Dad!” Gus held his fist for me to bump, while busy keeping Aiden on his lap. I bumped his fist, laughing.
“So to what do we owe this beautiful surprise?” Justin came in, slumping on the sofa, before tugging me so I sat next to him.
“We missed you,” Patrick said, sinking on the floor next to the fireplace where his box of pizza lay. The kid always liked to lie on the floor.
I pulled Justin closer, surveying our kids’ guilty looks. “We missed you too. Now cut the bullshit. What’s the real reason? Is one of you in trouble?”
“You have enough money for the rent, Patrick? Did Dylan send his share?” Justin asked concerned.
“Would everyone kindly butt the fuck out of my life? I’m fine.” Patrick huffed, glaring at us.
“Okay. So you had a fight with your sister. You want us to patch things up,” I offered.
As much as an airhead Ruby was, she was much more mature than her age, something she got from Justin too. The first thing she told us after dropping the bomb about being pregnant, she said she wanted a good job to provide for herself and the baby.
Unlike her brother who was old enough to know he couldn’t live on commissions alone. If only they’d come, but I knew he hadn’t painted or drawn anything in a while. Justin tried to help with clients, but the stubborn prick refused.
“Don’t worry. I talked sense into them. You read my email, right?” Gus looked between Patrick and Ruby. When they nodded, he beamed. “It’s all done. We’re here to give you guys something.”
“Pressie!” Aiden clapped loudly, bouncing on Gus’s lap.
“Not for you,” Ruby groaned. “It’s not always about you. Deal with it.”
“But I want pressie!”
“How about some pizza? You can put lots of ketchup on top of it.” Patrick beckoned Aiden closer.
Ruby picked her son up on his way to his probably new most favorite uncle at the moment. “You can’t give a five year old pizza, Patrick! Are you stupid?”
“I ate pizza when I five. Are you accusing our parents of being stupid?”
“They’re at it again.” Justin sagged into my side. “Would they ever get along?”
Gus extracted an envelope from his briefcase. “This is for you.”
“Hey! What did we talk, we’d do it together?” Patrick bristled.
“You’re too busy fighting. Consider it a very late birthday present, Dad. Or an equally late anniversary gift.”
“What’s this?” I picked the envelope suspiciously. If they gave us money…
When I took too long to open it, Justin snatched it from my hand, opening it eagerly. Then promptly dropped it as tears sprang into his eyes.
“Oh, my God! What have you done?” He whispered, his voice shaking.
I peered into the envelope and saw plane tickets with the destination Miami. To think I’d only talked to Justin the other day about my dream retirement.
“When are we leaving?” I pulled the tickets out.
“Well, at least one of you is happy.” Patrick laughed nervously. “You don’t like the present, Dada?” He eyed Justin warily.
I glanced at my husband, squeezing his shoulder. “We appreciate it. It’s very thoughtful of you,” I told them.
“B-but...but h-how? Oh, God!”
I hugged Justin closer. “He’s happy, trust me. Just overwhelmed. Right, Sunshine?” I kissed his cheek. “Tell them you love it. We’ll return the gesture tenfold,” I added into his ear.
He plastered his megawatt smile on his face. “We love the present. We love you! We have the best kids in the world, Brian.”
“Yes!” Patrick fist-pumped the air.
“Yay!” Ruby clapped loudly.
“We’re so happy.” Gus smiled.
“Holy shit! You got us a hotel room too!” Justin pulled a voucher from the envelope. “This is getting absurd,” he mumbled as he found something else in there.
I shot the kids a look and was met with three angelical faces. If they’d be so nice all the time.
I returned to inspect what else Justin took out from the envelope. Fourteen nights stay at Waldorf Astoria Resort in Boca Raton. A three day cruise to Bahamas. A two day pass to Disney World.
The last present had me curious. “Are we taking Aiden with us?”
“No. Why?” Ruby frowned.
“Do I look like a child to you? Why would we go to Disney World?”
Justin patted my cheek. “Because you’re six going on sixty-four.”
“You little shit! You said the number.”
He grinned. “My bad. It slipped. Though, you liked it on your birthday when I sang to you.”
“Shut up. Shut up. Shut up!”
“Touchy, touchy.” Patrick barked a loud laugh.
“You’re not one to laugh. You gauge my eyes out every time I tell you that you’re thirty.”
“Because I’m still twenty-nine. And I’d like to be twenty-nine until the day I turn thirty…when I’ll die.”
“Don’t be a drama princess.” Gus rolled his eyes.
“Did we tell you about how your dad was touchy about people getting his age wrong? Especially before he turned thirty. He snapped at everyone, and even claimed to be twenty-eight.”
“Thirty is awesome,” Ruby declared. “Daddy was thirty when you two met, right?”
“I was twenty-nine, thank you very much, Peanut!”
“Case in point,” Justin giggled, stroking my hair. “But you see, Munchkin? Dad doesn’t even look his age. And he definitely didn’t look his age back then, either. You have good genes, kiddo. I mean, look at me. People still confound me with a student.”
“Seriously?”
“When did that happen,” I demanded, ignoring the children’s amazed looks.
“Last week when I went to PIFA for that speech. One of the professors kept pushing me toward a classroom, and it took a lot of effort to explain I was headed to the aula to hold my speech on the new art movement…and that I was actually over fifty. He even asked for an ID because he didn’t believe me.”
“I hate you,” I mumbled.
“I love you too.” He took my face in his hands, kissing me soundly.