Chapter 12

“We're going to do it here.”

Justin slowly pulled away from Brian and looked at him as if he had just lost his mind. “W-what?”

“You don't want to go to a clinic. Fine, I accept that, but...something needs to be done...so...we'll just have to do it here. I am going to keep my promise to you, Justin and if this is the only way of doing this while I can stay with you, then we'll do it,” Brian answered seriously, looking at Justin intently. “I want to help you, Justin and...if you want that help...we're going to find a way somehow.”

“That's...that's crazy,” Justin whispered, looking at Brian from wide eyes.

“Probably,” Brian agreed, taking Justin's hand and squeezing it. “But do you have any better idea?”

Justin seemed to contemplate Brian's question and in the end just shook his head, hanging his head.

“We...we can't just...It's too dangerous and...you shouldn't...you've got your life and...I should leave,” Justin suddenly announced, pulling away from Brian and making his way over towards the sliding door that led back into the house.

“And then?” Brian asked after him, his voice taking on a desperate tone. “Leave where? Return to a life that is going to kill you? Return to a life that's going to be the end of you one day? Stay! I am begging you, please!”

“Why? What good will staying do, Brian? You have your own life and...I am not a part of that anymore...you...you shouldn't be pulled into my problems and it's bad enough that you already were,” Justin gave back, his eyes wandering to the cast on Brian's left arm. “Don't you see, Brian? I am only putting you in danger. I am making your life dangerous and make you do dangerous things. I...I am not good for you and...you're right. We should say goodbye here. It's better for you.”

Brian walked closer to Justin, but stopped when he saw him hold up his hand, begging Brian to not come even closer.

“You don't want this life, Justin! Your whole body is screaming for you to get away from this shit that's your life now. You...you told me just five minutes ago that you want my help, that you want to get away from it so badly. You said you wanted to get away from it, but aren't strong enough to get away on your own. Then let me help! Why are you running away again? Don't you see that this could be your very last chance to get your life back? I am not blind and you're not stupid either, Justin. Your body is going to start to fail you soon with how badly you're treating it. Just last night you saw your own boyfriend being killed because of drugs or whatever other shit is going on in your life. Do you want to end like that? Do you really want that to be your life? Dying on a dirty pavement in a bad part of town all on your own? Is that what you want?”

Justin stumbled as if he had been hit by Brian's words like they had been punches and he needed to lean against the glass door, new sobs wracking his body as he slowly sank down the door and broke down right in front of it.

Brian watched Justin sob and cry, watched him hug himself tightly, rocking back and forth in his pain and nothing on this earth could have held him back as he made his way over, sinking down to his knees right in front of Justin, making him look up at him, knowing that this was the last chance he had to make the younger man turn away from the path he had chosen for his life.

“Is that what you want?” Brian asked Justin, forcing him to look him in the eyes. “Is that how you want to end?”

When Justin didn't react, but only sobbed harder, Brian felt anger rise inside of him. “Give me an answer! Is that how you want to end?”

Justin only sank more into himself, his whole body shaking almost painfully, but he did not reply to Brian.

“Give me a fucking answer! Is that how you want to fucking end?” Brian angrily yelled at him, feeling his emotions take over, feeling all his pain and desperation take hold of him, pushing away his will to stay calm and collected.

Justin closed his eyes and slowly started shaking his head, sniffing pitifully as he did so.

Brian let go of his face, let go of Justin and sat down in front of him, his voice taking on a calmer tone. “Give me an answer, Justin. Tell me if that's how you want to end.”

“N-n-o-o,” Justin pressed out, hiccuping through his tears.

“Then let us try and stop this shit from taking you once and for all,” Brian whispered, looking at the man in front of him who by now was nothing more than a picture of misery. “I know it's not perfect and...god, I know how crazy it sounds and...that it's dangerous and...I thought about all those things, but...you don't want to go to a clinic, Justin and...I won't force you, but...I don't want to see you end like that and...you don't want to end like that...so...even though it sounds crazy and like the worst idea ever...maybe we should just go ahead with it and...and at least try it.”

“What...what if there's no help for me...what...what if I am...already too far gone?” Justin asked through his tears, looking up at Brian from scared eyes. “I don't want to die...”

Brian's heart broke at the sight in front of him and he crawled over to Justin and took him into his arms, holding him close. “You won't die...not if you don't want to and are willing to try and turn your life around. You've got a choice here, Justin and it's never too late to make the right decisions.”

“I am scared,” Justin muttered after several minutes of just sobbing and crying, being held by Brian who tried to comfort him. “So scared.”

“I know,” Brian tried to soothe. “I am scared as well. So scared of getting in way over our heads, but...we're going to find a way, Justin. I promise you. We're going to make this one work. You're going to get better!”

“I...I never meant to become like this...I...I never wanted to...I...I am such a fuck-up.”

At first Brian had wanted to contradict Justin on his last statement, but that would have been a blatant lie and Justin would have known. He was a big fuck-up, but as far as Brian was concerned, there was still a chance to change that.

“You've got a chance to change that now, Justin and I promise...you're not going to be alone.”

Brian pulled back slightly and made Justin look at him. He stared at him intently as he continued.

“I...I know it's going to be hard and...painful and...I know that it's scary and daunting, but for what it's worth, I think you can do this. I think you can leave all this shit behind and become the person again that you once were. You are one of the strongest people I've ever known and...I know that there's still strength in you, even though it might not feel that way now and...if your strength won't be enough, you'll have me by your side and you can just rely on my strength then. I know that we can do this together, Justin! I just know it!”

Justin looked at Brian for the longest time and Brian knew that the younger man desperately wanted to believe in his words and wanted them to be the truth. Brian smiled gently when he felt Justin's hand take his own and hold it. He saw the younger man look up at him from scared and fearful, yet hopeful eyes.

“Will you help me, Brian?”

Brian nodded, squeezing the hand that was holding his. “I promise!”

***

They had stayed outside for almost another hour until Justin had fallen asleep against Brian's side, obviously beyond exhausted from the emotional turmoil as well as the lack of sleep from the night before and Brian carefully disentangled Justin from his side and picked him up, carrying him into his living-room and carefully laid him down on his couch, giving him the time that he needed to rest.

In fact Brian was quite glad that Justin was sleeping, because it gave him the time to find out some useful information. Now that Justin had agreed to stay and that Brian had promised him to help him get clean here at his house, certain things needed to be prepared and Brian needed to find some information on how detoxes worked. He had read up on it a bit before, but that had already been months ago and he couldn't really remember all the details anymore of what he should be expecting.

He got out his laptop and did a quick google search and what he found didn't really encourage him to go ahead with his original plan. He soon found his earlier statement confirmed that it would be painful and hard and he wondered if he was up for doing something like that in his house. However he realised soon that it didn't really matter, because he had promised Justin and he would just have to find a way to go through with that now. There was no way that Brian would go back on his promise now, not when Justin had finally agreed to try and get away from the drugs, trying to change his life.

Brian had no idea how, but he just knew that they needed to work it out somehow. They would just have to deal with whatever came their way when it presented itself and would have to find a solution then.

Pretty much every homepage Brian had visited had confirmed that a cold withdrawal could take up to two weeks and would be very painful and hard on everyone involved and Brian soon realised that he would need some help. There was no way that he could leave the house if Justin was going through the worst withdrawal symptoms and some of the things Brian had read about had been pretty bad and scary. He would at least need some help in getting supplies to his home if not even need someone who would help him right there as well, in case he just needed a break. In addition he would need to inform Cynthia so she could take care of the most urgent things concerning his agency. There was no way he would be getting much work done in the next few days.

So Brian had thought long and hard about who he could ask and with Emmett out of town and Ted being needed at work, especially now that he wouldn't be able to come into the office for the foreseeable future, there was only one person he could ask. One person who he would have to tell anyway, because that person would find out sooner than later, if Brian suddenly stopped meeting with him which they usually did several times a week and yet it was the one person who Brian didn't want to tell at all, knowing that he would once again be angry at Brian for doing something this crazy.

Taking a look at Justin to make sure that he was still deeply asleep, Brian went into his office and dialled Michael's number from the phone there.

“Brian, how are you doing? How's your arm?” Michael greeted him cheerfully as he picked up the phone.

“Healing nicely,” Brian said before getting to the point of his call right away. “I need your help, Michael.”

“Sure, what for?” Michael asked, obviously thinking that Brian needed his help for something pretty harmless, maybe needed him to help him carry a table or something heavy now that his arm was broken.

“You're not going to like this and...I know you're going to be angry, but...I can't do this without your help,” Brian started. “I...I really need you to help me with this even if it goes against everything you stand for.”

“Brian? What are you going on about?” Michael asked, his voice sounding slightly worried now.

“Justin is here and,” but Brian never got any further than that because Michael exploded right away.

“Are you kidding me? What is he doing at your house? And...what is this about needing my help? He didn't get you into trouble, did he?”

“No and...please...calm down...I...I will explain everything to you, but I need you to stay calm and not explode at me every two seconds. I...I know that you would have every right to and that what I did was beyond crazy and that what I am going to do is even crazier, but...I really need your help now, Mikey,” Brian explained calmly, hoping against hope that Michael would manage to stay calm.

“What is going on, Brian?”

And then Brian went and told Michael everything. Told him about going to Larimer once more, told him about running into Justin and walking back to his car, told him about hearing the two shots and Justin's scream, told him about finding a dead Danny in Justin's arms and calling the cops and also told him about taking Justin home with him.

“I couldn't leave him on his own in the state that he was in, Michael. I just couldn't,” Brian pleaded with his friend to understand why he had done this.

Much to Brian's surprise Michael had stayed quiet through most of the story, only making disapproving noises when Brian had mentioned going down to Larimer on his own once more, other than that he had stayed quiet and listened to Brian's story.

“And what do you need my help for now?” Michael asked, clearly not understanding what he had to do with any of that and refraining hard from telling Brian all he really wanted to tell him about how stupid and dangerous his behaviour had been.

“He's going to stay here at my place,” Brian said, letting the implications of that hang in the air.

“And then? You're going to allow him to do drugs in your backyard? Might even join him occasionally?” Michael asked, his voice showing his displeasure at what Brian had just said, clearly jumping to the wrong conclusions.

“No,” Brian sighed. “He's going to detox here.”

“WHAT?”

“He...he wants to get away from it and...I got through to him, Mikey...he accepts my help and...he wants to get away from the drugs,” Brian calmly explained to his friend.

“Then get him into a fucking rehab clinic, Brian!” Michael nearly yelled and Brian frowned at that reaction. Shouldn't he at least be a bit happy about that piece of information?

“I can't. I promised him not to and...doing it here is the only way this will work.”

“And what gave you the crazy idea that you could have a highly addicted junkie detox at your house? Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?” Michael went on, still sounding beyond disbelieving.

“I...I wanted him to go to a clinic, but...we talked and...he can't do this on his own, Michael. He wanted to get away from it all when you and Emmett sent him to rehab, he really wanted to, but he couldn't because...he was all on his own when the pain hit and...he can't do it alone...he needs someone by his side and...I promised him that I would be.”

“Brian, that is crazy! You can't let him detox in your house. Do you have any idea about all the things that could go wrong?” Michael sighed, wondering if Brian was actually for real.

“Yes, I do. I...I have just spent two hours on the internet checking up on drug withdrawal and I know it's crazy. God, you have no idea how scared I am of going through with this and how some of the things I read on the internet worried me, but...I know that this is the only way. If...if we really want to help Justin and want him to get away from the drugs...this is the only way it will work. He...he won't agree to anything else, but he agreed to this and that's good, right?” Brian asked, hoping that Michael would agree to at least that much.

“Brian,” Michael started, but this time Brian interrupted him.

“No, don't Brian me! You have tried for three years and nothing that you or anyone else did worked, but I have him here at my house now and he agreed to go through withdrawal which is something that neither of you achieved before with him and...he wants to get away from this life. He wants to get away from the drugs which is something neither of you got from him before either, so don't Brian me when I finally managed to achieve the one thing that you all tried to get him to do for three years. I knew that you'd be far from happy about some of the things I told you, but...shouldn't you at least be happy about that? About the fact that he's finally realised that he needs help and has accepted that help?”

Michael took a deep breath. “I am, Brian. I am,” he admitted, before he continued. “But...this is crazy...it's too dangerous...you can't do this on your own in your home without professional help.”

“For now it's the only way, Michael and...we're just going to have to find a way,” Brian sighed.

“And what do you want me to do?” Michael asked. “You don't expect me to come over and hold his hand while he vomits his guts out, do you?”

“No...I know that you wouldn't, no matter how nicely I asked it of you,” Brian gave right back, not even bothering to hide his annoyance at Michael's words. “I...I need you to supply us with groceries and stuff.”

“What?”

Brian could hear the disbelieving sound in his friend's voice as he was probably trying to figure out whether Brian was for real or not.

“I am serious, Mikey. I...I don't think I'll be able to leave the house much while Justin is going through withdrawal and...we're going to need things. Food, drinks, stuff like toilet paper and...you know? Just things, but...I can't leave him on his own when the worst symptoms hit to go shopping for these things and...I know you might be completely against it and I would never ask you to come over here and help me, because I know it's not something you're interested in, but...can you at least do that? For me? Please, I am begging you,” Brian pleaded with his friend.

Brian could hear a deep sigh at the other end and knew that Michael was thinking, but he was surprised when he got his answer less than two seconds later. “Alright...I think I can do that.”

“You will?” Brian asked in clear disbelief, having expected much more of a fight from Michael.

“Yeah, I will. Just tell me what you need and I'll get it for you. But just so you know, Brian. I am doing this because it's important to you and obviously means a lot to you, I am not doing it for Justin.”

“Fair enough,” Brian agreed. “Thank you! I'll be forever in your debt for this one and...I swear...you can ask me for whatever you want. You're going to get it!”

Michael actually chuckled at that and it did Brian good to hear that sound from his friend and to know that they were okay, even though Michael might not agree with what he was doing. “Don't make promises you've got not intention of keeping.”

“Yeah well, maybe not everything, but most things,” Brian amended his earlier statement, chuckling back.

“I just hope that this works out, Brian. For everyone involved,” Michael silently said and Brian knew that this was probably as much approval as he would get from him, feeling happy that he at least got that much.

“So do I...so do I,” Brian silently gave back before thanking Michael once more and ending the call. Leaving his office he wondered what the next weeks would bring. He had no doubt that they would be the hardest weeks of his life, one way or the other.