Chapter 8

As Brian had expected, Michael had been beyond angry with him and in the end Brian had been so annoyed by his friend's anger that he had just hung up when he had called him back later that evening, but only after telling his friend to 'go and fuck off and let me live my life the way I want to!'.

He knew that he might have been too harsh, but Michael had really gotten on his nerves with his anger and Brian couldn't even really see why he was angry to begin with. It was his house, his life, his decision. He was an adult and he decided what he wanted to do, not Michael. He appreciated Michael's concern, but he didn't appreciate him trying to dictate what he could and couldn't do. If Brian wanted to offer food to Justin and told him that it was okay to come to his house whenever he was in need of food, he very well would. If Michael liked it or not. And it wasn't like he couldn't understand where Michael was coming from. He had tried to explain to his friend that he had doubted his own decision as well in the beginning, but was glad about it now because it gave him a way of helping Justin if only a little. And as Brian had tried to point out to Michael, wasn't it a good sign that Justin had shown up and had taken him up on his offer?

Brian had offered help and according to Emmett and Michael and everyone else, Justin had refused their help for years now, but he had taken up Brian on his offer. Wasn't that a good sign? He could have gone and stolen food again, but instead Justin now knew that there was a better way to get it and had chosen that way. To Brian that had been a good sign, at least he had been telling himself that it was a good thing, but he hadn't really expected anyone to agree with him anyway and wasn't all too surprised when everyone told him that he was putting too much hope on it.

In the end Brian hadn't talked to Michael for a week, had ignored his calls and text messages, had cursed him to hell and back before Ted had showed up in his office and had convinced him to talk to Michael and work this out. Ted had tried to make Brian understand that Michael had his reasons for being so negative when it came to Justin and that Brian would understand them, but once again he hadn't gotten into them, telling Brian that it wasn't his place to tell him what had happened between Justin and Michael.

Brian had gotten angry about that as well, wondering why no one wanted to tell him what had happened and why no one allowed him to make up his own mind about whether or not Michael had a right to be that angry, but in the end Michael had just told him that he didn't want to tell Brian and that he had his reasons for not doing so and had apologised to Brian for his behaviour, promising to not interfere like that again. Brian had accepted the apology and they had made up, even though Brian had made it clear that he still wasn't happy about no one telling him what had happened between Michael and Justin.

He had never been able to stay angry at Michael for long though, just as was the case the other way round and his mood instantly got better once they had made up again and had pushed that phone call and the fact that Brian had invited Justin into his house aside, accepting that they had different views and wouldn't agree on how to deal with Justin.

It wasn't perfect, but Brian knew that it was the best they could do, because he also knew that if he had a choice, he would do the same again and would make the same offer to Justin again. Even though they had hardly exchanged more than five words, Brian had a feeling that they were starting to build some sort of shaky relationship. A fucked up relationship, mind you, but a relationship where Justin apparently had trusted him enough to take him up on his offer and Brian just hoped that he would do so again.

Something had changed between them when Brian had begged Justin to stay and at least eat, promising him to let him go right after. Brian wasn't quite sure what it was, but the emotions he had seen in Justin's eyes hadn't been there before when he had seen him at the bar or that day at the fruit shop and for a moment he had even seen those dull eyes fill with something resembling life again and that had given him hope. Justin was still in there, he just knew it! Buried under a lot of shit and things he didn't even want to think about, but that moment in his living-room, he had seen Justin again. Not the drugged out being that he had become, but Justin. He had only been there for a second, but he had been there. Brian just hoped that Justin had felt it as well and had believed his words, trusting him enough to maybe come back when he was in need of food or something else once more. Brian hoped that he had made it clear to Justin that the offer was out there and that he didn't have to feel bad about taking him up on it, he hoped that Justin would, so he would get a chance to see him once more and maybe even be able to finally talk to him.

Or at least Brian had told himself that something had changed, but he started to doubt his own assessment when he hadn't heard from Justin again over the course of the next month. He didn't show up at Brian's place once and Brian couldn't help but feel worried. So worried that he had in fact started to go down to Larimer, ignoring the dangers, walking through the streets and checking the bars looking for a sign of Justin.

Brian had been down there for four nights already, this being the fifth night, mindlessly walking the streets, hoodie pulled up over his head and into his face, trying to hide who he was, hoping that no one would recognise him as being someone that had money and that he would get out of there safely at the end of the night.

He knew that Michael and most likely Emmett as well would have a fit if they knew that he had gone down there on his own and looking around at the dirty streets and the shady creatures walking them he couldn't even blame them. He knew that what he was doing was crazy, but he just needed to make sure that nothing had happened to Justin and that he was okay. That he hadn't shown up again at Brian's place because he was okay and not because he was even worse off than he had been that day. Because Brian was no fool. He had known that Justin's fidgeting was only partly due to his nervousness and embarrassment, knowing that a part of it, most likely the biggest part of it, came from the need for the next shot. He had seen it in Justin's reddened eyes. Those had been a clear giveaway.

Brian walked around a corner and mumbled a quiet “Sorry” when he nearly ran into someone. He didn't look up and chose to walk on.

“Hey,” the voice called after him and hearing the anger in it, Brian decided to just walk on and ignore it, knowing that it was safer than getting into a conversation with the owner of that voice.

“Hey, stop you fucktard!” that voice called after him, this time louder and even angrier.

Brian quickened his steps and walked on, knowing that now would be a perfect time to get out of there. As he rounded the next corner, he gasped when he felt something hit his back, making him fall to the ground and scream at the pain of it.

“Aaaah,” he pressed out as he hit the floor, feeling a kick to his side shortly after, making him scream again, this time more in surprise than in pain. He immediately rolled himself up into a ball, trying to give his attacker as little room to hurt him as was possible, wondering why he had been crazy enough to come down to this part of town on his own, knowing that he would now pay for it.

He soon felt a second person starting to attack him as well, aiming for his head and he gasped and groaned in pain when he felt heavy boots connect with the side of his head, making him see stars and dark spots.

His attackers hit and kicked him for several minutes, throwing slurs in his direction the whole time they were doing so, making him wonder if this was how he was going to die. After a couple of minutes the pain got so intense that all Brian could do was moan and try to get some air into his lungs, trying to breathe away the pain which was futile because it was so intense. It went through his body like a red wave washing away everything else but intense pain. Just as Brian thought he was going to pass out and was secretly looking forward to it, hoping that it would make the pain stop, he heard a third voice as from far away.

“Stop!”

To his surprise his two attackers immediately let go of him, making him wonder who that third person was that had just arrived. Brian tried to open one of his eyes, which had already started to close due to the swelling and he could see the blurry form of a big, bulky man, praying to all the gods that he could think of to please make it quick when he recognised the man as Danny, Justin's boyfriend. The guy who he had insulted by touching Justin, according to Emmett.

'Great' Brian thought to himself as he tried to roll himself into a ball even more, gasping at the pain coming from his ribs, immediately stopping any movement at all for fear of hurting himself even more.

“Isn't that the posh fag?” Danny asked, looking at the two other men who had attacked Brian, waiting for them to confirm his thoughts. When they both nodded, obviously immediately knowing what or who he was referring to, he moved over to Brian and leaned down in front of him, took his chin in his hand and painfully made Brian look up at him.

“Funny...you know? The last time I saw you, I clearly remember Justin telling you not to come back and fuck off. I always knew that his old friends were slow on the uptake, but I didn't know that they also had a death wish,” he hissed in Brian's direction before spitting at him and letting go of his chin, letting it fall back to the ground, making Brian groan in pain once more.

Brian saw the man turn around to the other two and what he heard next made his intestines grow cold. “Get Justin here! I want him to do it!”

Brian didn't know what Danny meant by 'do it', but he had a pretty good idea that it probably wasn't anything good and he definitely didn't want Justin to see him like this or do something even worse to him.

“N-n-o-o,” Brian pressed out, not even sure if his voice could be heard or not, surprised when Danny turned around and grinned at him evilly.

“I am the one who makes the decisions here, not you, posh fag. So shut up and spare your breath,” he walked over to Brian, giving him another kick to his midsection for good measure, making Brian yell in pain once more.

They were alone for several minutes before Brian could hear voices coming up to them and he saw several people turn the corner seconds later, Justin one of them.

And even though he was in a horrible condition and doing badly, he could immediately see that Justin was doing even worse. He was shaking badly and needed to be held up by two other guys who helped him walk. He was also sweating profusely and his face was contorted in a mask of pain. Even though he had enough other things to worry about, Brian immediately knew that Justin was in desperate need of his next fix, going into detox right in front of his eyes. Brian had read about going cold turkey and he could only imagine the pain Justin had to be in right that moment. And yet he saw those eyes grow wide in alarm when they recognised Brian and saw the shape that he was in.

“N-nooo,” the younger man muttered, looking from Brian to Danny and back.

Danny walked over to Brian and roughly emptied Brian's bags, not even caring about his injuries or how much pain he was causing him. He probably enjoyed hurting him. He made a small pile in front of Brian, which consisted of Brian's cell, his car keys and his wallet, which he knew was filled with several hundred dollars of cash and all his cards. He cursed himself for having been dumb enough to even take it along into this part of town, but knew that it was too late for that now.

Danny waved his hand and Justin was brought over to him and he made him kneel down in front of Brian.

“Tell me how much cash is in the wallet, Justin,” Danny ordered and Justin looked at him, his eyes wide as he shook his head slowly.

“Tell me how much money, Justin,” Danny repeated once more, his voice dangerously low as he violently grabbed the younger man's arm and led it to the pile of Brian's things, making him take the wallet.

Justin didn't look at Brian once, his eyes downcast as he took the wallet into his shaking hands, opened it slowly and counted the cash. “About $400,” he pressed out and Brian could see that even those few words caused him great pain.

Danny looked at Justin and lay a hand on his shoulder. “You know how many drugs you can buy with that, don't you? How long you wouldn't have to worry about getting your next fix, right? You could make the pain stop right away if you take it. Your decision,” Danny said to Justin who was shaking even stronger now, before he turned around and walked over to the rest of the group, leaving Brian and Justin alone.

Brian could easily see the inner turmoil in Justin, could see the inner war waging inside of him, could see him trying to come to a decision. And even before Justin had come to that decision, Brian already knew what it would be. Justin was an addict, that much had been obvious to him for months now. He was in desperate need of a fix and here was enough money to keep him going for at least another week or two, depending on what drug he bought with it and even though Brian wanted to believe that he mattered and that Justin cared about him and even though he had hoped that somewhere deep inside of that person there was still a trace of the old Justin, Brian knew that even though he might hate himself for it later, Justin would take the money. The drugs would win. The addiction controlled him and overruled any personal feelings there might be. And Brian knew there were feelings, because he could see so much pain when Justin's eyes settled on his own, and he knew that that pain didn't come from the detox that Justin was going through, but from the fact that it had come to this.

Not wanting to make this any harder on Justin, Brian nodded slightly and whispered. “Take it.”

Brian saw Justin's eyes settle on his own, saw them staring at his intently, filled with so much pain that it made him gasp, making him forget about his own pain for a few seconds. He just felt breathless at the amount of pain he saw in Justin's eyes and he gasped once more when he saw the younger man shake his head slowly and put the wallet back down on the pile of Brian's things in front of him.

“No,” he just whispered, barely audible, but Brian had still heard it because Justin had been so close and because his eyes had said the same thing and Brian watched as Justin struggled to get up on his feet, two of his friends immediately coming over, helping him up. Justin's eyes never left Brian's, a silent conversation went on between them until the moment Justin had turned the corner and Brian could only hear Danny's angry voice.

“Are you stupid? You know how long that money would have kept you going?”

And then, as the adrenaline left his body, everything turned black and Brian welcomed the black numbness of unconsciousness.