Chapter 9

As Brian tried to open his eyes, he felt like heavy weights were hanging on his lids, pulling them down, not allowing him to open his eyes. He groaned with the effort of it, surprised when he heard the painful groan and realised that it had come from him and that he had made that sound in the effort to just open his eyes. The more he came around, the more he felt the pain in all parts of his body and he could only moan against it.

“Shhhh, take it easy. Take it easy, Brian,” a familiar voice said and Brian tried to turn his head in the direction from where it had come.

“Mi-ch-a-el,” Brian pressed out as he tried once more to open his eyes and this time succeeded slightly if only with his left eye, seeing the worried face of his friend close by.

“Shhh, don't speak, Brian,” Michael said quietly and Brian only nodded, sighing in relief when he felt his head being lifted and saw his friend holding a glass of water to his mouth. He gratefully started drinking from it.

Once Michael had put the glass away, Brian tried to take in his surroundings and frowned in confusion, or at least tried to, when he realised that he was in the guestroom of Michael's and Ben's house. “H-h-how?” He asked, knowing that Michael would understand and indeed he did.

“I got a text...an unknown number. Telling me to pick you up and take care of you. The text told me where to find you and I immediately called Emmett and took him along and geez, Brian...what happened to you?”

“Got...att-ack-ed,” Brian got out, taking a deep breath against the pain.

“We could see that. But by who? And what were you doing in that part of town?”

“Long...story,” Brian said quietly and he could see Michael's face darken and could hear him say just one word.

“Justin.”

Brian shook his head slowly, stopping when he started to feel dizzy from just that simple movement. “N-no.”

“Don't lie to me, Brian. You were down there because of Justin and just look where it has gotten you! You could have died! It's a wonder you don't have any more serious injuries than the ones you have. The doctor was surprised that you hadn't hurt any internal organs. Damn, do you know how close to dying you were out there? You cracked two ribs. What if they had punctured any organs?”

Brian closed his eyes again, easily hearing the worry and fear in Michael's voice, knowing that it had every right to be there. After all he had thought himself that he would die there and he knew that he was lucky to still be alive.

“Sorr-y...,” he whispered before he felt blackness come up once more and was out again, leaving a worried Michael to just look at him and push a strand of hair out of his swollen and bruised face.

“Oh Brian,” Michael sighed sadly, looking at his friend, wondering what the story behind Brian's current condition was, not sure if he really wanted to know.

***

It took Brian two more days before he was able to sit up again and have a decent conversation with Michael, knowing that his friend deserved answers to his questions and deserved to know what had happened. Brian took a deep breath before he started speaking.

“I know you're angry and...,”

Michael interrupted Brian right away, looking at him sadly. “Worried, Brian. I am worried about you. Don't you see? You're getting in over your head...You could have died out there. And what for? A misguided attempt to help someone who has made it clear again and again that he doesn't want our help?”

Brian sighed, shifting on the bed, trying to get into a more comfortable position so he wouldn't feel the pain from his two cracked ribs, which he soon realised was a futile attempt because it hurt no matter how he sat.

“He took my help, Mikey...he came to me and...he took my help,” Brian only repeated what he had told Michael several times before already.

“And because of that you've gotten it into your head that you can become his saviour and can just walk into that part of town and get yourself killed for him?”

Brian shook his head slowly, looking down at his own hands. “He was there.”

“WHAT? He...he attacked you?” Michael asked wide-eyed, anger already entering his voice. “That fucking bastard!”

“No...he didn't do anything. He...,” Brian started, but then stopped.

“He what? He just stood by and let them beat you into a bloody pulp?”

“No...Michael...,” Brian sighed, trying to think of a way to make Michael understand what had happened that night without making him lose faith in Brian's mental state completely.

“He was in no state to interfere or attack me or do anything, pretty much,” Brian began. “He...he was in pain and suffering and...I think he had started going into detox and was in desperate need of his next fix when...it happened. I...look, I know it was stupid, but I needed to talk to him. After he had come to my house and had taken my help...I know you don't understand or believe me, Michael, but...something happened that day! He took my help and I know that...I know that I can get through to him. And I just needed to try, so...I went down there and hung out there several nights, looking for him, trying to see him and be able to talk to him,” Brian stopped shortly when he saw Michael's eyes widen in shock at his admission that he had been down there before on his own, but he was grateful when Michael didn't say anything and just let him continue with his story.

“I was just walking down a street, turning a corner when I stumbled into someone and...I apologised and moved on, but the guy came after me and soon enough he and his buddy were beating the shit out of me and then...that boyfriend of Justin's showed up and he joined them until he called for someone to get Justin and...he was in bad shape, Mikey. Really bad shape, but...even then I could see that...he was shocked by what had happened and...he cared,” Brian said, glaring at Michael when he thought he had heard him mutter an angry 'As if'.

“Danny forced him to count the money in my wallet and...it was quite a lot and he went on telling Justin to think about how long that money would keep him going, how many drugs he could buy with it and I could see that he was seriously thinking about taking it, but...at the same time he didn't want to. He was struggling with himself and...I just told him to take it.”

At that point Michael interrupted Brian, looking at him as if he had really lost his mind. “Okay, let me get this straight: You go there with money? You take money along and then tell Justin to take it so he can get even more drugs and can get high on your bill?”

“They would have taken it anyway, Michael and...I just knew that Danny wanted to punish Justin for something by making him do it and...I could see how much he was suffering and...I just wanted to help him,” Brian tried to defend his actions, looking at his friend helplessly. “You didn't see him. It was killing me. I...I couldn't even think about my own pain because...I could just see his pain and I wanted it to end, but...,” Brian stopped.

Michael looked at him sadly, wondering what would come next. “But?” He gently prompted.

“He didn't take it. He gave it back to me,” Brian whispered, looking at Michael from pained eyes. “He...he was suffering badly and...I had told him to take it, but...he didn't. He shook his head and said no and...he went, but...as he went...there was something in his eyes...I know that I can get through to him, Mikey!”

Michael looked at Brian and seemed to be genuinely surprised by the fact that Justin hadn't taken his money. “He didn't take it?”

Brian just shook his head and pointed to his stuff lying nearby. “It's all still there. My cash, my cards...he didn't take it...”

“Even though he was already in serious need of his next fix?” Michael asked, just to clarify that he had gotten that part right and Brian only nodded.

They stayed quiet for several minutes, each hanging on to their own thoughts, until Brian asked a question that had been on his mind ever since he had woken up again for the first time two days ago.

“Who...who sent you that text? Telling you where to find me?”

Michael got his cell out of his pants pocket and pushed a few buttons before handing it to Brian. “You tell me. I have no idea.”

'Brian's hurt badly. Corner of Auburn/Larimer. Get him out of there and take care of him. Don't let him come back.'

Brian read the text again and again, trying to make sense of it. “Do you think...”

“Justin? It certainly crossed my mind...where else would they have gotten my number from or would have known to text me of all people?”

Brian nodded, the same thoughts just having gone through his head as well.

“But...why?”

Michael shrugged. “I have no idea.”

“Do you think...that maybe...,” Brian started and looked at Michael from hopeful eyes, a look that was returned by sad ones looking back at him.

“You have no idea how much I would wish that it was true, but...I don't know, Brian...I just don't know...none of this makes sense, does it?”

Brian shook his head. No, it didn't make sense. Why hadn't Justin taken his money? He had been in desperate need of money and Brian's money would have helped him get out of his own pain, yet he hadn't taken it and had apparently even gotten Brian help though he must have been going through hell. Why would he do that when he had obviously never cared about any of his friends in the last few years? Why would Brian be different from the others? Why would Justin care about him and would take help from him and would get help for him, but didn't seem to care about any of his other friends? Brian had seen with his own eyes how cold Justin had acted towards Emmett. Why would Justin act differently with him? And then it hit Brian. One of the last things Justin had said on that fateful day three years ago came back to him. 'I love you.”

What if Michael had been right and Justin had gone down that road because he had never gotten over being left behind by Brian? What if he still had feelings for Brian that he didn't have for anyone else? What if he still cared for Brian and maybe even loved him? He had seen in Justin's eyes that he had been shocked and hurt by seeing Brian like that. His eyes hadn't been as dull as they had been when Justin had talked to him and Emmett. There had been life and pain, but Brian knew without a doubt that the pain he had seen in Justin's eyes hadn't only come from him going into detox, but also from seeing Brian so badly hurt. Justin still cared about him and Brian was sure that it had been Justin who had sent Michael the text, making sure that he would be taken care of and would be alright. And if Justin still cared about him...that meant that Brian might be able to get through to him.

“I have to go back, Michael,” Brian suddenly announced, making Michael shake his head instantly.

“No way! Just look at you, Brian! They nearly killed you. You can't go back. And why in the name of god would you even want to go back?” He asked incredulously.

“I...I think you're right. I...I think you were right all along,” Brian just muttered, thinking about it some more, everything becoming clearer the longer he thought about it.

“I was? About what?” Michael frowned, clearly not able to follow Brian.

“I think...I think he never really got over me and...he still cares for me and...that's why I might be the only one who can get through to him,” Brian explained.

“What?”

“It's obvious that he still cares, isn't it? He...he came by my place and accepted my offer for help when he never did so with anyone else before and...he didn't take my money even though he had the chance to and I even told him to take it, but he didn't...instead he went through more pain and in his pain even cared enough to send you a text to help me. It's the only explanation that makes sense, isn't it? He still cares about me and can't treat me as coldly as he treats everyone else. And...that's our chance, isn't it?” Brian asked Michael hopefully, clear excitement in his voice at having figured that out, thinking that he had now found a way to help Justin. His hope however, was immediately dashed by Michael.

“If what you say is true and he still cares and...you could help him...why did he always run away whenever we told him that we'd call you? Why didn't he want that?”

“I...I don't know,” Brian helplessly admitted, thinking about it for a while before he slowly realised the answer. “He didn't want me to see him like that. He didn't want to face me in his state and...,” something else suddenly clicked in Brian's mind. “That's why he was so cold when I went to that bar with Emmett. He wasn't cold towards me...he was angry at Emmett for taking me there...it wasn't even about me, but about being angry at Emmett.”

“Brian,” Michael began, sounding beyond doubtful. “As nice as all of that sounds, I think you're running into a dead end here. You're getting your hopes up only to have them dashed and...you're already hurt enough. Just look at you! You need to let go of this, Brian. You can't help Justin. Not anymore. He made his choice...,” Michael said sadly before getting up. “Don't go down that road, Brian. It can only end badly and I don't want to see you get any more hurt than you already have,” he added before opening the door. “You should rest for a bit.”

As Michael left the room and left him on his own, Brian wondered if his friend was right and if he was just holding on to some hope that wasn't really there, trying to tell himself that it wasn't too late when it already was. But something deep inside of him told him that he had managed to break the wall of coldness that Justin had built around himself for protection and that he had the chance to tear it down if he only pursued this path that they had apparently moved on. He knew that there was still a chance to save Justin and get the old Justin Taylor back. He was still there, Brian had seen glimpses of him just two days ago and lying here in Michael's guestroom, his whole body still aching from his injuries, Brian made a vow that he would do everything in his power to bring him back again.