Chapter 13

Brian had known that the next weeks would be the hardest of his life and he had prepared himself for that, but no amount of preparation could have made him ready for how hard those first weeks of Justin detoxing really got.

The first week had been pure hell. Looking back on it there was just no other word for it.

Once Brian had been done talking to Michael, he had ordered some dinner for himself and Justin which they had eaten in silence, trying to distract themselves from the first withdrawal symptoms that had already been showing all day. Justin's hands had been shaking and by the time they had settled in front of the TV to watch some show, not really caring which one, his whole body had started shaking and soon after his teeth started chattering and Brian soon found out that Justin was freezing.

The temperature in the house was normal and Brian knew that freezing and also sweating were withdrawal symptoms and he didn't want to make a bigger deal out of it than it was so he just wordlessly got up and got a thick sweater for Justin from his closet.

“Here you go,” he said as he handed it to the younger man who took it gratefully, immediately putting it on and hiding back into his corner of the sofa, shaking and freezing.

When the shaking and freezing were joined by bouts of nausea, Brian decided that it would be better to move back to the guestroom and settle there. He helped Justin up the stairs and watched as he immediately got under the covers in his bed, pulling them close around himself, trying to warm himself up.

Brian prepared some tea for Justin, having read on the internet that it was important to keep hydrated through a drug withdrawal and he also remembered having read about taking vitamins to keep the body going and he quickly sent Michael a text to get some vitamin pills as well before he moved upstairs again with the tea and frowned when he didn't find Justin in bed anymore. He didn't have to look for him long, hearing retching sounds coming from the bathroom next door.

Brian put down the cup of tea and went into the bathroom to find a shaking Justin bent over the toilet bowl, vomiting into it. He slowly moved over to him and sat down next to him, holding his hand in support as Justin was sick again and again and in the end they spent the better part of the first night and early morning in front of that toilet bowl before Justin's nausea seemed to settle a bit and they moved back to the bedroom where Brian helped Justin settle into bed. He was by now shaking like a leaf and his freezing had stopped and instead he was now sweating profusely, droplets of sweat running down his face, drenching the shirt he was wearing.

Brian managed to get some tea into Justin before he succumbed to a fitful sleep, twisting and turning in the bed as if plagued by some bad nightmares, though Brian knew that nightmares had nothing to do with it. He decided to get some rest himself while Justin was sleeping, knowing that those times would probably be the only times he'd be able to get sleep himself and he settled into his office chair that he had brought into the room earlier, leaning back in it, resting his feet on the edge of the bed Justin was lying in, trying to find a comfortable position before he felt sleep claim him.

He didn't know how long he had been sleeping before he was woken up by some noise and as he opened his eyes and fully came awake, he immediately knew where that noise had come from. He saw Justin writhe on the bed in obvious pain, moaning pitifully, gasping as he tried to breathe the pain away.

Brian immediately got out of his chair and went to Justin's side, taking his hand and speaking to him. “Hey...are you okay?” He asked gently and sighed in relief when Justin turned in his direction and looked at him from pained eyes.

“It...h-hurt-s...hur-ts...so...b-ba-d...,” he gritted out through his teeth as his body was wracked with cramps which were obviously very painful. “H-hur-ts.”

Brian ran his hand over Justin's forehead in a comforting gesture, sitting down next to him, never letting go off his hand. “I know it does, but you're doing so well...so well, Justin,” he whispered, feeling tears come to his eyes as he saw another cramp hit Justin. He knew that those cramps were only the beginning of the pain that would be coming his way and he tried to think of ways to relieve that pain, only coming up with getting a cool cloth and putting it on the younger man's forehead, wiping away the droplets of sweat that had gathered there.

Brian sat like that, watching Justin go through cramps for almost two days and more than once he felt like crying at the amount of pain he saw in Justin's expressive eyes. He felt like giving up and calling an ambulance when Justin asked him again and again to please do something to stop the pain, but in the end all Brian could do was sit by his side, talk to him, show him that he was there and try to relieve his symptoms by keeping him hydrated and nourished.

Michael had been by once on the second day, bringing the groceries and other things Brian had asked for and when he had seen his friend, he had just asked if it was that bad.

“Worse,” Brian had only replied and Michael had taken him into a tight hug before leaving again, knowing that Brian didn't really want to talk to him but rather wanted to be upstairs with Justin which Michael could understand and accepted.

Watching Justin go through cramps and pain, watching him go from freezing to sweating profusely in a matter of minutes, watching him writhe on the bed in pain and agony, Brian had thought after two days that things couldn't get worse and that they had reached the climax of withdrawal, but he soon found out that he had been wrong.

He had been sleeping in his usual place in his office chair once more after he had fallen asleep in exhaustion after he had just cleaned up his guestroom after Justin had been sick all over himself and the bed twice in less than half an hour, when he was woken up by a movement at his side.

Looking over through bleary eyes, Brian couldn't really make out what had woken him up, until he heard the voice which was so full of pain and desperation.

“Pl-ple-ase...mm-ak-e it sto-p. I...I-c-can't...,” the voice begged and Brian came fully awake to find Justin not in the bed, but half crawling, half collapsed at the side of his office chair, obviously having made his way out of the bed over to Brian's side.

“Jeez, Justin. Are you okay?” Brian immediately asked as he got out of the chair and sank down to his knees next to the younger man, looking at the pale face that was once again covered in sweat.

He saw Justin shake his head and look at him from desperate, pleading eyes. “St-op this. P-pl-ease...I can't...do thi-s...B-B-rian...”

Brian watched Justin's face closely and could see that he was crying and he took the crying man into his arms. “Shhhh...I know it hurts...I know it does...but you're doing so well.”

“Please...,” Justin started, looking up at Brian from pleading eyes. “Please...”

Brian only hugged Justin closer, trying to comfort him by showing him that he was there.

“You're going to be alright, Justin. You're going to be okay,” Brian whispered over and over again until he felt weak fists hit him in the chest, making him pull back to see that Justin was indeed trying to hit him, but was way too weak to have any damaging impact.

“Justin?” Brian just frowned when he saw the younger man glare back at him from glassy eyes, yet leaving no doubt that he was beyond angry.

“Let me...g-go...you...you can't...fo-r-ce me to st-ay here,” he pressed out, once more lashing out at Brian who quickly pulled back and got up. Justin weakly crawled on the floor to come after him, looking up at Brian from desperate eyes. “Let me...g-go...”

“You've already come this far, Justin. I won't let you go now,” Brian calmly told him as he made his way over to the door, knowing that there was no sense in talking to Justin now. He had read about people going through withdrawal getting aggressive and lashing out and he had hoped that it wouldn't happen with Justin, at the same time he felt slightly glad that the younger man was only starting to lash out now that he was already too weak to do any real damage or be a danger to Brian.

He closed the door behind himself and made his way downstairs, his heart breaking when he heard Justin call after him. “Fuck...you! Fuck you, Brian!”

He closed his eyes against the pain of seeing and hearing Justin like that and went into the kitchen to get some water and vitamin pills and to also prepare a sandwich for himself and one for Justin. It had been hard getting Justin to eat at all in the last few days and most of the times he had only been sick shortly after, but Brian knew that it was important that he kept his strength up, so he tried getting him to eat at least three times a day. Sometimes with more success, sometimes with less. Once he had put everything on the tray, he made his way back upstairs, preparing himself for another angry outburst from Justin, but when he opened the door to the guestroom, he found the young man leaning against the bed, crying bitterly, hugging himself tightly, not even looking up as Brian entered the room.

The brunet went over to the small table next to the bed and put down the tray, he took the bottle of water and two of the vitamin pills then made his way over to Justin's side and sat down next to him, holding out the bottle to him.

“Here, take this. You need to keep up your strength,” Brian said silently, patting Justin's knee with his free hand.

Justin slowly lifted his head and looked at Brian from pained and sorrowful eyes, sniffing pitifully. “K-k-kill me...p-please...I...I can't...do this...I can't!”

Brian looked at Justin in compassion and put down the bottle of water before he led his now free hand to Justin's face and gently caressed his cheek. “No,” he simply said.

“Please...it...it hurts so...bad, Brian,” Justin begged once more, new tears coming to his eyes as he looked at sad hazel ones.

“You're almost there, Justin. You almost made it through the worst. I won't let you give up now. Not when you already came this far,” Brian said quietly, before letting go off Justin's face and taking the water bottle once more.

“Here, take this. You need to keep hydrated.”

Justin took the bottle from Brian into his shaking hands and took a sip from it, spilling some of the water while he did so before he put the bottle down and silently accepted the vitamin pills from Brian and swallowed them before resting his head against the bed, closing his eyes against the pain.

Brian got up from his place next to Justin and helped him up as well, helped him to settle into the office chair while Brian sat down on the edge of the bed across from him, looking at him sadly as he handed him the sandwich wordlessly.

“Not...hungry,” Justin mumbled, making no move to take the sandwich from Brian who just sighed. They had been through this before in recent days and he really had no energy to go through it again.

“I know. But you need to eat something. You can't lose even more weight and...you need to keep your strength up or...or this will only get worse. So...please, just try, okay?”

Brian had expected more of a fight, but in the end, Justin just took the sandwich and ate it slowly, stopping every once in a while when the shaking of his hands got too bad or when a new wave of pain hit him, but in the end he managed to eat the whole sandwich before settling down on the bed once more.

Once he was comfortably settled, or as comfortably as he could be, he turned to Brian and looked at him with so much venom in his eyes that Brian nearly stumbled and he gasped when he heard the same venom in Justin's voice as he spoke.

“I hate you! I fucking...hate you!”

Brian just looked at Justin and nodded. “Okay.”

He knew that it was just the withdrawal talking and that Justin was bothered by pain and cramps and he had a feeling that those things might have made him say that to lash out at the person he thought responsible for that pain and yet it hurt Brian deeply to hear those words out of Justin's mouth.

When Justin turned away from him, Brian moved back to the office chair, watching him sadly, wondering if he really had the strength to go through this for yet another week or two.

The saying 'Things have to get worse before they get better' also proved true in case of Justin's withdrawal and for the next four days after he had told Brian that he hated him, things turned even worse. Justin seemed to be in even more pain than before and sometimes screamed for hours on end from the intensity of the pain that hit him. There was hardly an hour where he didn't have to vomit or wasn't sweating profusely and the situation was slowly beginning to gnaw at Brian. Justin had begged him to just kill him at least four other times, calling him names and regularly telling him that he hated him for making him go through this. The more those outbursts got, the more Brian had slowly but surely found himself losing patience with Justin and he blamed that on his lack of sleep, knowing that two or three hours a day, hours that were constantly interrupted by Justin waking up screaming or being sick once more, just weren't enough to keep him going and just when Brian had thought that he couldn't go on anymore, when he thought that he didn't have the strength to do this on his own anymore and was seriously considering to go back on his promise to Justin, when he had admitted to Michael that he might have gotten in over his head, things slowly started to improve in the second week of Justin detoxing in Brian's house.

He was still in pain and was still suffering from cramps, but with each day the pain got less and the number of cramps decreased. The times that he was able to just rest and sleep got longer and by the end of the second week, he was mostly only plagued by sweating and a shaking of his limbs, the pain having almost left completely. Justin had been able to regularly take in food again and Brian had been glad about that because he had really started to get worried about Justin losing even more weight with all the vomiting that he was doing. Towards the end of the second week, Brian also noticed that it had already been days since Justin had last told him that he hated him or had begged him to be killed and Brian took that as a good sign as well. In fact they had been able to have normal conversations again and had even left the guestroom at times and settled in front of the TV for a bit, before exhaustion caught up with Justin and Brian helped him back upstairs.

Over the course of those two weeks, Michael had been by several times, bringing Brian the groceries that he had asked for and checking in on him. He had been beyond worried about the state Brian had been in at the end of the first week and had begged with him to reconsider and get Justin professional help. He hadn't liked how bad Brian had looked, but in the end even he had to admit that maybe Brian had been right and that it had been the only way to help Justin. Especially in the second week, when he saw that Brian was slowly starting to look better again and seemed to be getting more sleep again and when he had his friend tell him that Justin was slowly starting to do better as well, he had to admit that maybe Brian had managed to do what no one else had managed in three years: Get Justin away from that path of self-destruction that he had been on and help him return to leading a normal, drug-free life.

Brian himself had sighed in relief and had thanked all the gods he had been able to think of when he saw that things were slowly getting better and that the worst seemed to be behind them. He had seriously started to doubt that they were doing the right thing but had a feeling that maybe all the pain and everything else that had taken place in his house in the last two weeks had been worth it because he hoped with all his heart that now that things seemed to start to look up again, that that also meant that Justin was starting to improve and that the drugs were in his past once and for all.