Chapter 17

Michael is the one who pressed the assault charges against me!

Brian just looked at Justin for the longest time before he was able to form one single word. “Wh-what?”

Justin sighed deeply as he emptied the glass of water and put it down before he moved over to Brian's side and looked at him sadly.

“Michael is the one who pressed these charges against me, Brian and...he will go through with this. He has every reason to and...it's the least that I deserve from him, really.”

“You assaulted Michael?” Brian asked, trying to wrap his head around what Justin was trying to tell him.

“No,” Justin just answered as he moved over to a chair and sat down.

“But...you said one of the charges was for assault and...that Michael had pressed the assault charge,” Brian followed Justin, looking at him in confusion as he sat down across from him.

“I...I wish it had been Michael, but it wasn't...,” Justin whispered as he hung his head and refused to look at Brian.

“Then who was it? Ben? Did you hit him?” Brian asked, feeling like this story was getting out of hand more and more with every second. He just didn't want to imagine Justin assaulting anyone. That was outrageous, but he had by now learned to accept that Justin had done many outrageous things.

Justin shook his head before he looked up at Brian, his eyes desperate and so full of pain. “I...I hurt Vic,” he whispered making Brian gasp in shock.

“Vic?” Uncle Vic had passed away several months before Brian had returned to Pittsburgh. He had passed away from a heart failure due to his HIV infection. Whatever must have happened must have happened a long time ago when Vic had still been alive and well.

Justin only nodded, not able to say more and all of a sudden everything made sense. Michael's anger at Justin and the coldness in his voice whenever he talked about him. Michael had loved Vic more than anything, probably only second to his mother and had always been very protective of his uncle as every good nephew was and if Justin had gone and had injured Vic, Brian had no doubt that Michael would see that as the last straw and would want Justin to pay for that. But why wouldn't Debbie be more angry? She hadn't seemed that angry, mostly sad whenever Brian had talked to her about Justin. So many questions went through Brian's head, but the most important needed an answer right away.

“What did you do?” Brian asked, trying to make his voice as gentle as he could. He had to force himself to remember that Justin hadn't been himself when whatever had happened with Vic had happened. He had to try to keep the anger out of his voice that he felt at the knowledge that the man sitting opposite him now had injured his surrogate father or the closest thing he had ever had to a father, someone whom he had loved like his own father.

“It was...it was an accident. I didn't mean to hurt him. I...god, I would have never hurt him...I loved him...and...I didn't mean to hurt Vic, Brian,” Justin started, his voice pleading for Brian to understand, however Brian was far from being understanding. He wanted to know what had happened, he wanted to finally find out what had caused Michael to turn this cold, so he only repeated his earlier question.

“What did you do?”

“I...I came to Debbie's place, because...I was broke and...Danny wanted me to get money for new drugs and...I couldn't get any and...I went to Debbie's place, asking her for money. She...she had given me money before and...I hoped that she would do it again and...Michael and Ben and Vic were there and Michael...he was so angry and he said he wouldn't give me any more money and he wouldn't allow Debbie to do so either until I had cleaned up and so I told him I needed it for food, but...he saw right through me and knew that I would only use it for drugs and...he was so angry and I got angry as well and we were screaming at each other and he shouted at me to get out of his mother's house and to not come back until I had cleaned up and...he pushed me towards the door and...he made me angry and I hit him...he fell to the floor and...he exclaimed something in surprise because I had hit him and...Debbie, who had been upstairs with Vic must have heard him because she came down and when she saw Michael on the floor, holding his bleeding lip, she just started screaming at me and...I screamed back and...she was furious and told me to get out and never come back and...Vic tried to calm her down, but she wouldn't let him and she started throwing things at me, yelling the whole time that I should just fuck off and leave them alone and...I did. I...I turned around and left the room and...Vic... he stood in the doorway and he was trying to calm everyone down, because...we were all screaming and...he looked so tired, but...at the time I didn't care and I just wanted to get out of there and...he started walking towards me, probably thinking that I would talk to him, but...I was so angry at Michael and Debbie and...I was beyond caring and just wanted to get out of there and...I was high and...God, Brian...you have to believe me, it was an accident! I didn't mean to hurt him,” Justin ended on a whisper, tears running down his face as he haltingly told his story.

“What happened then?” Brian asked once more, feeling shivers run down his spine, wondering what Justin would tell him next.

“I...I just pushed him aside. I...I wanted him to get out of my way and he fell and...he hit his head on a table in the hallway and...I could see that he was bleeding and...Debbie was beyond furious and started punching me while Michael checked on Vic and...I just ran away...I...I just left and a couple of weeks later police arrested me while I was driving, high as a kite...Michael had pressed charges against me for hurting Vic, who... he had passed away the day before, so he had never pressed charges against me himself, but Michael did after Vic had died and...Michael never mentioned anything about me hitting him as well and...when they took me to the police station they searched me and found drugs and...well, that's where the DUI and drug possession comes from, but...Michael was there and...there was so much coldness in his eyes as he looked at me and told me that I had gone too far and that he was beyond caring and that he never wanted to see me again and...he hated me, Brian...I made him hate me because I hurt Vic before he died and...at the time I didn't care. I was just so angry that Michael had gone to the police and...I didn't even ask him if Vic was okay...I only found out later that he had died the day before. I was so high that...I didn't even care about what I had done,” Justin told Brian, his voice taking on a nearly hysterical pitch.

“I...I had hurt a sick, old man, but...I didn't care. All I cared about was being angry at Michael for having gone to the police and...we argued and...he told me that he hoped that this would finally get me to clean up my act, but...I was let go after having testified and being booked and all and...I just went on as I had always done...I just didn't care...”

Brian looked at Justin sadly and he could easily see that while it might not have bothered Justin back then, it bothered him greatly now to know that he had been capable of hurting an innocent man and even though Brian still felt anger inside of him and knew that he would have done the same thing in Michael's shoes, that he would have lost his shit as well at seeing Vic bleeding and hurt, he also knew that that hadn't been Justin. Not the Justin that was sitting in front of him now, looking like a picture of misery. That had been the drugged out Justin, but he wasn't like that anymore and Brian knew without a doubt that Justin would never do something like that when clean and he also knew that while Michael might have been right to do what he did back then, it was the worst possible thing to happen now. So he pushed back his chair and got up from it, picked up his phone and keys, which made Justin look after him in confusion and then pure panic when he saw Brian head for the door, fearing that Brian was disgusted with him now and needed to get away.

“Brian...don't...I am sorry! God, I am so sorry! I didn't mean to hurt him...you have to believe me,” he pleaded with Brian who only seemed to remember the state Justin was in when he had already reached the door and heard his panicked voice. Brian slowly moved back to the kitchen doorway and looked at Justin sadly.

“I can't even begin to understand why this happened and...I am not even sure I want to, but...this has to stop! He can't go through with this. Not now when you've cleaned up your act!”

“Where are you going?” Justin asked fearfully, having gotten a good idea from Brian's words, knowing that Brian wasn't trying to get away from him.

“I am going to talk to Michael and I am going to try and make him see that this has to stop! This is just ridiculous. He can't go through with it now!” Brian explained, surprised by how calm his voice sounded.

“Didn't you listen to what I just told you?” Justin asked, his voice rising. “Didn't you listen to a fucking word of what I just said? I hurt Vic! I hurt his sick uncle who had been like a father to him and...this is the least that I deserve for doing so. He has every right to go through with this and...do even more.”

Brian slowly came back into the kitchen and knelt down at Justin's side, looking at the man beside him, a man he had seen go through hell and make it back in one piece, a man he had promised to help on his way back and he had every intention of keeping this promise.

“That wasn't you, Justin. That was the drugged out you, but...you're not like that anymore and I know that you would never do something like that when you're clean and...I know that Michael knows as well deep down and...it's time to remind him of it. You said he went to the police because he wanted you to clean up your act. Fine, you've done so. Going through with this now isn't going to help anyone and Michael just has to see that as well. He will just have to understand that you're not like that anymore and haven't touched drugs in more than two months. This has to stop, Justin!”

“He hates me, Brian,” Justin just whispered, looking at Brian hopelessly.

“He hates what you have become, Justin, but I've known Michael for years and he's always been a good friend to whoever needed a friend. I don't think he has forgotten about that.”

Justin slowly got up from his chair and walked past Brian who just looked after him with a big frown on his face. “Justin?”

“Do what you have to do, but...it's not going to change anything, Brian. He hates me and...I hurt his uncle and...he has every right to do this,” Justin gave back quietly before he moved upstairs to his room, shutting the door behind him, effectively ending their conversation.

Brian knew that there was no point in talking to Justin if he was in a mood like that, so he just decided to go through with his plan and to talk to Michael. At first he had considered calling Michael, not wanting to leave Justin on his own, but he knew that this talk couldn't be had over the phone and that he needed to talk to Michael in person, so he just hoped that Justin would be okay and vowed to take care of him once he was back from Michael's, hopefully with good news.

He arrived at his friend's house fifteen minutes later, ringing the bell, waiting for Michael to open the door.

Michael arrived at the door and just looked at Brian, immediately seeing in his face that he knew now. He was just about to say something when Brian started first.

“You have to stop this, Michael! You can't go through with this.”

Michael sighed as he stepped aside and let Brian in, not wanting the whole neighbourhood to hear what they had to talk about. For the first time in two days, he felt glad that Ben wasn't there right then, but had left town on a work trip with one of his colleagues from university. He missed him greatly, but he had a feeling that it was better that he wasn't there for this talk. He knew that Ben disagreed with his actions and didn't need to hear it again.

“So,” Michael started, taking a deep breath. “He told you?”

Brian nodded, looking at Michael sadly. “Why didn't you?”

Michael sat down on the couch, looking much older and more tired to Brian than he had ever seen him.

“You didn't even know that Justin was taking drugs, Brian! What was I supposed to tell you? 'Oh and you know? Vic's been hurt by a cracked out Justin. Sorry you have to find out like this.' It was better to not tell you.”

“You could have told me after I knew! Damn, you could have told me all these weeks that Justin has been staying with me. You could have told me today on the phone! Why didn't you just fucking mention that the court date was today?”

Michael sighed once more. “I thought he knew. I thought he would have told you...I am not responsible for him keeping important dates in mind, Brian!”

Brian sat down as well, his voice calm. “He forgot. He...he didn't intentionally miss it. He forgot. Plain and simple and...with everything he's been through these last weeks, I can't even blame him. He thought it was still weeks away.”

“And now?”

“We went to Melanie and he surrendered to police custody and...we got him out on bail. He's at home now,” Brian said, looking at Michael's face for his reaction, but not seeing any reaction at all.

“God, Michael. He's so scared of having to go to prison. You should have seen him,” Brian started, but was cut off by Michael's angry voice.

“Maybe he should have thought about that before he pulled all this shit!”

“Michael...you know that he would have never intentionally hurt Vic! You know that!”

“And yet he did, Brian!” Michael angrily gave back.

“That was the drugs, Mikey. The drugs changed Justin into something he's not. You know that! God, you're the one who told me for months that he wasn't Justin anymore. You've been the one who's told me for months that he changed and that the drugs had changed him, but...he's kicked the drugs now and...you know that he would never hurt anyone! And I think Vic knew it too. It's why he never pressed charges when he was alive, isn't it? It's why you only did it after Vic had died and... it's also why your mom hasn't mentioned any of this. She also knows that Justin would never hurt anyone. They all know it, but you don't want to see it. Why?”

“Why are you here, Brian?” Michael asked silently, ignoring all of Brian's questions as he looked at his friend, not feeling like listening to him defend Justin's actions for any longer and also not feeling like hearing once more that he was overreacting, as his mother, Ben and even Vic had told him when he had still been alive.

“You have to stop this, Michael! I...I know that you went to the police in the hope that maybe an arrest and a conviction would get him to finally clean up his act, but...he already has. He hasn't touched any drugs in more than two months and...he's slowly getting better. If...if you had just come in once when you came over, you could have seen with your own eyes. The old Justin is slowly coming back and...he's working through so many issues right now...this is the worst possible timing, Mikey. The worst possible thing that could have happened and...you are the one who has the power to stop this!”

“You want me to feel pity for him now, Brian? He did this and now he has to accept that there are consequences for his actions. He'd better get used to it,” Michael spat and Brian could only look at him sadly.

“What is your mom's take on all of this?” Brian asked, wondering why Debbie hadn't mentioned anything when she had talked with Justin in recent weeks and having a feeling that he knew what the answer would be.

“She is just happy that he's doing better now. That's all she cares about. With Uncle Vic gone, she says it's time to move on and that Uncle Vic wouldn't have wanted this,” Michael said quietly. “But Justin did it and now he has to face the consequences for his actions.”

Brian nodded once, not surprised that Debbie wasn't supporting Michael in this. “He's your friend, Michael! He's a bloody friend of yours! You can't do this to him. Not now...prison is going to kill him...it's going to destroy everything he's already achieved in the last two months. If...if he gets convicted, we're going to lose him, Michael. Once and for all, I have no doubt of that,” Brian said grimly, knowing that it was the truth.

If Justin was convicted and had to go to prison, it would be his end. There was no easier place to get drugs than a prison and Brian also knew that Justin wasn't emotionally strong enough yet to cope with being away from the only people that cared about him and helped him and that he wouldn't be strong enough to resist on his own.

“He's not my friend, Brian. He was your fuck buddy and an acquaintance of mine, but he stopped being that the day his drugs became more important than the well-being of an innocent old man,” Michael angrily answered Brian's emotional words.

“Do you really want him to die? Do you hate him so much that you can't even acknowledge what he has achieved so far? Damn, Michael! He's been clean for more than two months. He's been working so hard to get away from it and...I thought you thought that was a good thing. So why are you going through with this now? It's only going to destroy all that we've already achieved,” Brian pleaded once more, but Michael only looked at him sadly.

“Even if I wanted to, Brian, how do you want me to stop this? Things have been set in motion months ago when I went to the police. Lawyers and courts are taking care of this now. What would you even want me to do?”

Brian looked at Michael in surprise and for the first time realised that he had no idea. Michael was right, things had already been set in motion months ago and it wasn't even in his hands anymore.

“I don't know,” he admitted, hiding his head in his hands, feeling beyond hopeless, finally starting to realise that there really wasn't anything that he could do to help Justin. Not this time and he knew that this time was important, because Justin was still too weak to deal with a conviction right now.

“I am sorry, Brian. I really am, but...Justin did this and now he has to face up to it. It was only a matter of time before he had to and...I know that the timing sucks, but...he will just have to deal with it.”

Brian's voice broke as he allowed hopelessness to claim him and he answered in a halting voice. “It's going to kill him...he can't do this now...he feels so bad for all of it, Michael and...he's still so broken.”

Michael felt for his friend, and seeing him like that didn't leave him cold, so he went over and took a hurting Brian in his arms.

“He worked so hard and...now it might have been for nothing...why now?”

“I don't know,” Michael answered honestly.

“He is getting better...He...he even met with Emmett and Ted and...he started talking with Debbie and his mother again and...he's been through hell and...he has such a hard time coping with everything he did and that he has to face up to, but...this is bad, Mikey...really bad,” Brian said quietly, being held by Michael.

“I am sorry, Brian. I wish things were different,” Michael whispered, not for the first time really wishing that. Seeing Brian's pain hurt him and he felt sorry that Brian had even been pulled into all that mess and he knew that Brian would get hurt in the end. He had known so for months and had dreaded the day it would finally happen and it seemed to him as if that day had finally arrived. He had no doubt that with all his previous arrests there was no way that Justin wouldn't get at least some time in prison and while Michael couldn't really care less about him, he worried what that would do to his best friend. Brian would be inconsolable, Michael just knew it.

Brian didn't know how long he and Michael stayed like that, but he was sure that it was quite some time before he pulled back and looked at him from pained eyes. “He is sorry, Michael. He never meant to hurt Vic. If nothing else, you have to believe that,” Brian whispered before he moved out of Michael's arms and got up.

“What are you going to do now?” Michael asked, watching after Brian as he moved towards the door.

“Talk to everyone I can talk to...try and get them to write character reference letters...Melanie thinks it's our best shot. Try and make the judge see that he has changed and...that he wouldn't normally do something like that when he is clean,” Brian told Michael quietly as he saw him come over and walk him to the front door.

“Good luck, Brian! I...I really hope for your sake that you'll be successful,” Michael whispered before he hugged Brian tight. “I really do.”

Brian only nodded, hardly having registered Michael's words or the thoughtful look in his eyes, also missing how Michael stood in the doorway, watching after him as he got into his car. He also didn't hear how Michael muttered to himself. “I really do, Brian.”