Prologue

After Brian surprised Justin at prom, they had the most romantic night of their lives. As Justin walked Brian out to his Jeep, they kissed once more and Justin moved back toward the dance. As Brian looked in the rearview mirror he saw Chris Hobbs raising the baseball bat to Justin’s head and by the time Brian arrived at his side, Chris had landed several blows.  Brian injured Chris before calling 911.  The police and ambulance arrived.  Chris was arrested and taken away as Brian got into the ambulance with Justin and he was rushed to the hospital.

Chapter 1

God, what the hell just happened? Brian sat in shock where he had been directed by a nurse.  He still had Justin’s blood on his hands and the silk scarf he was wearing. When he closed his eyes he kept seeing Justin getting hit over and over.  When he heard some noise down the hall he looked up and saw Craig Taylor at the nurse’s station.

“My son, Justin Taylor, was brought in.  How is he? What happened?” he blurted out to the nurse on duty.

“Sir, the doctor asked me to get him as soon as you arrived.  I will be right back with the doctor. Your son’s friend might be able to tell you what happened,” the nurse pointed toward Brian.

“Kinney, I should have known you did this!” Craig came charging down the hall toward him.  “What the hell did you do to him?”

Brian stood up, “Mr. Taylor, I’m sorry.  I was with him at prom but I….I should have been able to stop him!”

“Mr. Taylor,” a doctor called out to Craig.

“I’ll deal with you later!” Craig turned and followed the doctor into a private waiting room leaving Brian alone in his pain.

Brian sank back onto the bench.  He wasn’t sure how long he sat there before he felt a pair of arms come around him.  Brian’s eyes met Michael’s and without a word he clung to him. Michael had always been there and he needed him more tonight than ever before.  Eventually, Brian began to start talking, “Mikey, it was horrible.  I could see the kid swinging the bat but I couldn’t stop it.  The sound...I’ll never forget the sound. It echoed through the parking garage.  I don’t know how he could survive that.”

“Is Jennifer here? Is someone with him?”

“His dad is.  He was about to threaten me when a doctor called him back and….. I can’t fault him.  His son is lying in a …..”

“Brian, he’s in good hands,” Michael kissed him.  “It is amazing what they can do these days.  And Justin is a tough kid.”

“But he is back there with that man who…. Craig has been nothing but spiteful to Sunshine and now…..I want to see him.”

“Well, that will never happen again!” Neither Michael or Brian heard Craig walk up. “My son is dead, Kinney, and the only reason I’m not having you charged with statutory rape is because I’ve been told you stopped his murderer. Get out of here, Kinney, and don’t let me ever see your face again.”

As Craig Taylor walked away, Michael watched Brian’s soul shatter.

Craig walked back into the back corner of the emergency room where several doctors and nurses still work on Justin. “Mr. Taylor, we will be moving him to his private room now. Your son is stable for the moment.”  The doctor led him to a private end of the room.

“Does his brain still work?” Craig snapped.

“There is brain activity, yes.  We will put him into an medically induced coma for a time and when we think he is ready, we will slowly take him out.  It is not unusual for someone with an injury like this to have seizures which is why I want the brain to heal for a while.”

“Doctor, my son thinking he is gay.  My son isn’t gay.  He was brainwashed by this older man.  Will he still think he is gay?”

“Mr. Taylor, if your son is gay, that isn’t going to change because of a head injury.  In the very unlikely situation that he was brainwashed, I suppose he could come out of it but, Mr. Taylor, I can’t imagine someone being brainwashed like that.  Are you sure your son isn’t gay?”

“That perverted 30 year old fell for my handsome, intelligent, 17 year old son and lured him in. The thing is he convinced my soon to be ex-wife and daughter that this is who he really is.  Doctor, I told you what I am willing to pay you to just keep your mouth shut.  Sign the death certificate and move to South America.  Forget you ever heard our name.  Give me 15 minutes and I will tell you the name he will be using.” 

Craig had contacted an employee to search for teenage deaths happening that day.  If the name was similar it was a bonus so when he received the name Jason Taylor Smith that was the name he had the doctor use to check his son into the hospital.  By the time Justin woke he would have a new social security card for Jason Taylor Smith and his son would have a new identity.  Justin Taylor his gay son would be gone forever and he would mold him again to be the man he always should have been.

By the time Michael had driven Brian home, Ted and Emmett were at Brian’s loft.  The four men lay in Brian’s bed.  Brian didn’t speak but the other three men spoke softly about Justin.  They all loved him.  How could you not? Eventually, all four of them fell asleep.  

Brian woke up around 8:00 a.m. and got out of bed, not disturbing the others.  He stood by one of the windows looking down on the street.  For a moment when he heard footsteps he expected to feel Justin’s arms wrap around his waist and his lips kiss the back of his neck but then he felt a hand on his shoulder.  He turned and found Ted standing there.

“Brian, your phone was buzzing.  It’s Jennifer.” 

“God, Theodore, what am I going to say to her?” he clung to Ted’s forearm. “I watched her son get beaten to death.  I held his hand in the ambulance.”

“Brian, Jenn knows you cared about him.  She accepted that he loved you,” Ted tentatively put his arms around Brian and Brian held onto him tightly for several long minutes. 

Finally, Brian took a deep breath, and stepped back.  “I’m going to call her.  Do you think you can clear them out? I appreciate the three of you but I need….”

“I’ll take care of it, Brian.” Ted hesitated but then kissed Brian’s cheek.  “Call me if you need anything.”

“Thanks,” Brian turned and walked over to his desk.  He turned his back to the rest of the apartment and called Jennifer.  

“Oh, Brian,” Jennifer’s usually confident voice was shattered. “What happened? I didn’t get to see him! Craig has already had him cremated.  Brian I didn’t get to see him.  My baby is dead and I didn’t get to see him.”  As Brian listened to her he heard his friends leave.

“Jennifer, may I come over.  I understand if you don’t….”

“Yes, Brian.  You are always welcome here.  You always will be welcome here. Please come be with Molly and me.”

Twenty minutes later, Brian stood at Jennifer’s door with two bouquets of flowers. Tears were running down his cheeks when the door opened, Jenn took him in her arms.  “Oh, Brian, I know it’s hard to imagine he’s gone.”

Brian gave flowers to both Jenn and Molly and then blurted out, “Why didn’t I ever buy him flowers.  He would have loved just one flower but I was too stubborn.  I couldn’t tell him I love him.”  

Molly timidly stepped toward him and put her arms around his waist, “Brian, it doesn’t matter now.  He can see you love him now.”

“Oh, Molly, thank you,” he hugged her tightly and then with one arm reached for Jennifer, too.

Brian spent the remainder of the morning playing games with Molly while Jenn spent time on the phone and visiting with friends that stopped by.  Just before noon, a friend of Molly’s picked her up so she could spend the afternoon with her friend leaving Jennifer and Brian alone. 

Jenn opened a bottle of wine and poured them each a glass and then she wrapped her arms around Brian and they both cried. Eventually, they sat together on the sofa and Brian told her the details as gently as he could.  “When we got to the hospital, I couldn’t go with him and before I knew it Craig was there talking about statutory rape and then he just said he was dead and I would never see him again. I can’t believe he didn’t let you see…..” Brian went silent.  “I keep thinking about his hair.  I’ll never get to touch his hair again. I’ll never get to feel his lips,” he drifted off, “I’m sorry, Jennifer.  He was your son.  I can’t imagine….”

“Craig is so spiteful.  Nothing he did would surprise me.  He probably thinks now he no longer has to be ashamed of his gay son.”

“Jenn, is there a memorial?”

“No.  There isn’t a body.  We weren’t very religious.”

“Well, I got a text from Lindsay.  They hope to have a gathering for Sunshine tomorrow.  They want you and Molly there, if you want to come.”

“Oh, yes, Brian.  We would love that.”

“Well, if you don’t mind, I’m going back to my place.  If you need anything, call or text,” Brian hugged Jenn, not wanting to let go and feel the loneliness.

“Oh, Brian, thank you for coming.  We will see you tomorrow and if you need me, I’m here.”

At 7:00 pm the next evening the Gay and Lesbian Center was ablaze with posters of Justin in every window. Lindsay and Emmett had organized the event and Debbie organized refreshments.  Several people spoke about Justin’s generosity and kindness. Several of his high school classmates were there.   Daphne stayed close to Brian, Jenn, and Molly but a couple of the others that attended condemned Chris Hobbs.  His wealthy family had tried to get him off but he had gone before a judge that afternoon and would be held without bail until trial.  

As the crowd thinned out Emmett draped an arm around Brian, “I think we should go to Woody’s and have a drink in honor of Sunshine. He would want us to do that.”

“I don’t really feel….” Brian said softly.

“Come on, Brian, just one drink.  Justin fought so hard for that fake ID.”

Michael came up beside him, “Come on, Em’s right.  We need to go buy him a drink.”

The four men walked the couple blocks and were joined by Mel and Lindsay.  Brian had his first drink but then just nursed the second one along.  Ted saw the look in Brian’s eyes and soon took his arm, “I’ll take you home, Brian.”

“Brian doesn’t want to go home yet,” Michael said.

“Actually, I do, Mikey.  The rest of you honor Sunshine.  I promised Jenn I would go to her place in the morning and help her with some of his stuff.” Brian kissed Michael and turned toward Ted, “I’m ready, Ted.”  

Ted looped his arm in Brian’s and they walked out together.  “Thanks, Ted.  I needed to get out of there.  I just …..” Brian got into Ted’s car but didn’t say another word.  

As Ted pulled into a parking spot in front of the loft, Ted got out and walked Brian into the building and up in the lift.  Once in the loft, Ted didn’t try to get him to talk.  He just helped Brian undress and got him into bed.

“Call me if you need me.”

As Ted began to step away, Brian grabbed his hand. “What am I going to do without him, Ted?”

“You’ll go on because you want him to get justice and because he would want you to live.”

“Stay until I fall asleep?” Brian’s eyes pleaded with him.

“Sure, Brian.” Ted lay behind him and draped an arm around Brian’s waist.  Ten minutes later Ted slipped out of the loft, leaving Brian sleeping as tears still came from his eyes.  

Over the next couple months Brian tried to go out with his friends but he didn’t find any joy in it anymore.  The only place he wanted to remember Justin was when he was with Molly and Jennifer.  He ended up spending time with them weekly and it seemed to be helping all of them deal without Justin in their lives.  Molly began to text Brian jokes almost nightly and she was the first one to greet him when he visited. 

After everything that had happened connected to Justin’s death, Molly and Jenn agreed that contact with her father, right now anyway, was not in her best interest and to their surprise, Craig didn’t fight it.  Molly just leaned on Brian a little more and he didn’t mind.  It gave him a purpose.

When the trial against Chris Hobbs was about to begin, a plea deal was made and Chris Hobbs was sentenced to 25 years to life.  Brian disagreed strongly with the sentence, speaking in the courtroom, promising to be at every parole hearing in the future as the sound of the bat hitting Justin’s head still woke him most nights. He promised Jenn and Molly he would do his best to keep Hobbs locked up until he was a very old man.

With no interest in Woody’s or Babylon, Brian had a lot more time to focus on work.  He still would have lunch or dinner with his friends but then he had started a business plan.   Soon, he had talked to a bank and purchased a building.  His personal assistant agreed to come with him and Kinnetik was born.  Over the next few months it grew far quicker than Brian could imagine.  He asked Ted if he would like to be his COO and he jumped at the opportunity.  With the help of Ted and Cynthia by the anniversary of Justin’s death, Kinnetik won the award for being the hottest new advertising company in Pittsburgh.  Jenn and Molly were at his side to help him celebrate.

Craig glared at the photo in the newspaper.  Brian Kinney was making a killing.  The smug bastard stood there with his family.  Well, he had lost Jenn earlier and he had decided once he had his son back, he would work on his daughter.  The long term care facility where Justin was living had him listed as Craig’s nephew.  He hadn’t been there to visit for a while but Justin, or he should say Jason, had not come out of the coma yet.  But the staff let him know, Jason was responding to pain stimulus and it appeared he was waking up.  They suggested he come and talk to his nephew, hoping a familiar voice would help his mind surface.

Craig walked into Justin’s room and saw his beautiful son lying in the bed. He was pale but had his son’s skin always been so pristine?  He realized he hadn’t looked closely at him since he was a little boy. Well, he was going to focus on him now.  He would now mold his son into the man he was meant to be. Hopefully he would recover quickly once he came out of it and they could have a father/son relationship again.

Craig started stopping by each day after work and soon it was obvious Justin reacted to his dad’s voice and the first evening Justin’s eye fluttered open, although he couldn’t say anything yet.  One of the nurses had been assigned to ‘Jason’ and as he slowly woke up Craig decided he needed to bring someone in as a partner and the young, pretty nurse, who seemed to be showing some interest in him.  

One evening fourteen months after the bashing, Craig and Dani, the young nurse he was now spending most evenings with,  sat next to Justin’s bed and as they talked about their upcoming weekend plans when Craig felt fingers fluttering over his hand and then a significant squeeze. Craig looked down to see Justin’s blue eyes looking back at him, his mouth trying to form the word, dad.

“Oh, Craig, he’s awake!” Dani said excitedly. 

“Yes, and we need to be careful if anyone else is around, to call him Jason, not Justin.” Craig squeezed Justin’s hand, “Son, it is so good to see you awake. Please, understand we are calling you Jason for a good reason.  I’ll explain it later.  Just remember you are Jason.”

Justin looked very bewildered and then his lips tried to say ‘mom’ but Craig ignored that for now. “You go to sleep, son.  In the morning the doctor will look at you and we will figure out what is next.” Craig stood and awkwardly kissed Justin’s forehead.  He guided Dani a few steps away, “So how long do you think it will be before he can get out of here?”

“Oh, Craig, I can’t begin to guess that.  He was in a coma for over a year.  Just getting his muscles working again could take  weeks, even months. And the fact that the rest of his family has left him, except you, might take his mind a little bit of time to accept everything, not to mention he will probably need to learn most things over.

Craig pulled Dani into his arms, “That is what I am hoping, that is what I’m hoping!” He kissed her and left for the night.

Craig’s patience with Justin wore thin quickly.  His progress was slow.  No matter how hard he tried to form words nothing would come out. In the evenings, when Craig should have been there, Dani worked with him.  She was kind and patient with him, even when he got frustrated.  She would help him use his hand that wouldn’t respond.  Other times they worked on his speech. One night Justin had been trying to form a couple words for hours and finally, with tears running down his cheeks he dropped his head down onto his useless hand.

Dani wrapped her arms around him and although she usually called him Jason, softly she said, “Justin, sweetheart, would you like to try writing it?”

Justin lifted his head and nodded.  He did his best to hold the marker in his left hand as  Dani held up a white board. As he started the first word Dani caught on quickly.

“Are you asking about your mom?”

Justin’s eyes locked on hers and he nodded his head several times. 

“I’m sorry, but your mom had a hard time dealing with your coma.  Your dad said she tried but it was just too hard to see you like this.”

Justin’s eyes again filled with tears but then he put the pen back on the board.  This time Dani had to look carefully.  She was fairly sure what he was writing but she hadn’t heard Craig mention anyone with that name.  “Is that Brian?” Justin reached over and squeezed Dani’s hand.  “I don’t know any Brian. I will ask your dad when I…”

Justin squeezed her arm hard enough to make her pull away, “Ouch, that hurt!”  Dani looked at his face.  “You don’t want me to ask your dad?” Justin shook his head furiously.  “Ok, Justin, I won’t mention it to him.  Is Brian your best friend?”

Once more Justin put his pen to the white board and wrote, “Boyfriend.”

As soon as Dani was done with work she went over to Craig’s house.  “Was I expecting you tonight?”  he asked as he opened the door.

“No, but we need to talk,” Dani said as she pushed past him.  “What else are you hiding about your son? Did your ex really tell you she couldn’t deal with his accident?”

“Why, would I lie to you? Jenn was never a strong woman.”

“Then who’s Brian, Craig? Why haven’t you mentioned him?”

“None of your business. I have work to do. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

Early the next morning Craig was on the phone. Justin had to be moved.  He was getting too close to Dani.  He couldn’t see her anymore.  By noon, Justin had been moved to a very small town more than 30 minutes away.  Craig hired a one on one therapist to work with Justin and that was the only person that was to spend a significant amount of time with him.  As soon as he could schedule it, Craig was planning to take a full month off of work so he could spend all his time getting his son straightened out.  This whole project was taking longer than he thought it would but if he got his son ‘fixed’ it would all be worth it.

Justin was confused.  Where were they moving him? Where was Dani and his dad? He didn’t want to move!  He wanted his mom.  He wanted Brian.  Could they really have given up on him? Maybe Brian  but his mom would never…. As he was pushed into the wheelchair van, Justin’s shoulders sank. He  just wanted to die if this was what his life was going to be like. 

When Dani arrived at work that afternoon, she walked directly to ‘Jason’s’ room only to find it empty.  She rushed to the desk, “Where is Jason Smith?  His room is empty.”

The head nurse looked at her, “He was moved today, with no forwarding information.”

“But, I was just making progress with him.  Where would Craig take him?”

“Dani, it is obvious you have a relationship with his dad.  You’re going to have to talk to him,” the head nurse said.

“I don’t like this.  There are things…..”

“Dani, don’t ask too many questions.  Mr. Taylor paid us good money to take care of his nephew.   It is none of our business what he does as long as we did our job while he was here.”

Dani tried to contact Craig the remainder of the day and finally she got a message that her number had been blocked. Poor Justin.  Who would watch out for him now?

“Brian, where were you last Sunday? I missed you.” Molly hugged Brian as he walked into Jenn and Molly’s house.

“Hi, Mollusk,” Brian messed up her hair.  He had started calling her by Justin’s nickname for her and though she always pulled a face at him, he knew she liked it.  “How was Girl Scouts this week?”

“It was good.  We are working on a new badge.  For the next 6 months we get to try 6 different jobs. We get to spend time at an apprentice type jobs, at a school, at a hospital, and some local businesses….”

“Are you going to come work for me?”

“You would let me do that, Brian?”

“I would love to have you work.  Free labor!” he kissed the top of her head.  “Just let me know when.”

“Thanks, Brian.  I love you.”

Brian’s heart melted, “I love you, too, Molly.”

Brian spent the day with Jennifer and Molly.  After dinner, Molly went to finish some homework and Brian and Jenn sat down with a glass of wine.  “I’ve been dreaming about him again.” Brian said as he took a sip of the wine she gave him.

“Brian, I know you loved my son but don’t you think it is time you move on?” Jenn squeezed his hand.

“Jenn, you are going to think I’m crazy but I hear him calling my name at night.  It’s like he is still….  I feel like he is still here.”

“Brian, maybe you need to talk to someone. You went through a lot of trauma that night, too.” Jenn touched his cheek. “I lost my son.  I don’t want to lose another family member.  Please, take care of yourself.”

“Ok, I will.  I just miss him so much.”  Brian put his arms around Jenn and she held him tight.  

“Brian, talk to someone and then, make Justin happy and find someone who will love you like he did.”

“I’ll talk to someone but I may never be ready to move on.”  Brian said goodbye to Molly and kissed Jenn before going to the loft and working until well after midnight.  He fell asleep at his desk and woke to what he was sure was Justin, calling his name.

“Brian, please come see me.  I need you.” Brian sat up straight at his desk, Justin’s voice still echoing in his head.  Brian picked up his phone and put a reminder in it. ‘Find therapist’.  He then walked to the sofa and laid down.  He rarely slept in his bed anymore.  It just reminded him too much of Sunshine.

As Justin settled into his new  living facility, Brian started seeing a therapist.  Justin worked harder than ever before.  He still was having difficulty speaking but he was able to walk again with a significant limp and although he was still struggling to use his right hand, he was doing much better writing with his left.    However, he had gotten smarter.  He never mentioned Brian again.  He just focused on getting better and the day would come when he tracked Brian down himself.   And then came a day when Craig arrived and told Justin he was going to move into a place of his own.  

Craig had found a studio apartment above a storefront. It took some effort for Justin to take the steps but he didn’t mind the hard work.  What he didn’t like was the fact that Craig was going to be around for the next four weeks.  Maybe his father was trying to do something good but Justin couldn’t totally trust him. He had a feeling in the next two weeks he would find out what his dad really was up to.  He wondered what had happened to Dani.  He had a feeling his mentioning Brian is what started  all this moving. If he could only talk to him …. He knew Brian had never loved him but he had thought he cared.

Justin wasn’t prepared for what was to come the next four weeks. By the time Craig went back to work, Justin wondered if he wanted to live.  Craig assured him no man would ever want a partner who couldn’t speak for himself. He could only imagine how useless he would be making love but he was sure, with his looks, he could find a nice girl who would love him and they could even have a family together.  Everyday it was the same thing, “Son, I’m the only one that stayed.  Your mother just couldn’t see you like that.  She asked me to take care of you. Kinney could barely wait to leave the hospital once the ambulance dropped off Justin.”

More than twelve hours of that a day was more than Justin could deal with.  He finally went to shut down mode. He now realized he would be alone the rest of his life.  He knew as soon as he was able he would break ties with his father and he would go start a new life somewhere.  All he knew now was he couldn’t stay with his father but at the moment he had no options but to work hard and get better.

When Craig left to go back to his normal schedule he told Justin he would be back in two weeks to take him to a checkup at his neurologist. He could call if he needed anything in between then and now.

“Brian, guess what?  I’m going to be working at the hospital for the next four weeks.”

“Wow!  You’re finished with 6th Grade and skipping right to work, huh?”

“Ok Brian, I’m going there after school from 3:00 to 5:00 on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.  I will pass out snacks and stuff to the patients,”  Brian heard a bit of hesitancy in her voice.  

“Do you have some worries about working there?  All you have to do is smile and be nice. I would have loved to have someone stop by when I was in the hospital.”

“Liar.  You would hate someone like me stopping by and bothering you.”

“Ok, you got me but most people love a happy face stopping by,” Brian pulled her close.  “Are you thinking about Justin?”   Molly nodded and she clung on to him for a few moments. “Oh, Mollusk, Justin would be so proud of you.  Now if you don’t want to I am sure they can find you another place but I think Sunshine will be so proud of you.”

Molly ran off to her room to talk to her friend who just finished at the hospital.  Jenn looked over at Brian, “I don’t know what I would do without you, Brian.  She has been worried about that all week and five minutes with you and she is fine.  How are you doing, Brian? Are you still having dreams?”

“Yes, but my therapist says I am stable, believe it or not,” Brian pulled a bottle of water out of the fridge. “Have you talked to Craig?”

“No, he made it clear he was done with us.  Why do you ask?”

“My therapist thinks it would be good for me to talk to Craig about that night but I assured him that would not be a wise idea, if for no other reason, he threatened to charge me with rape. I don’t think that would fly anymore…. Fuck! I’d go to prison the rest of my life if Justin was here.”

Jenn hugged him, “I know you would but he isn’t so I am glad you are.”  The three of them enjoyed pizza and ice cream before Brian left for the night.  He called a florist and paid extra to make sure they were delivered to Molly at the house  before school. 

Justin got a call from his father’s secretary.  His father would be unable to take him to his appointment today.  The hospital was sending transportation to and from the appointment and the doctor would do a teleconference with Craig.   Justin had arrived at the appointment and was ushered into an exam room.  It was a long exam checking his progress before they sent him down for a final test. He was ready to go back to his quiet, unobtrusive apartment and be alone again. He felt like some kind of guinea pig, especially with everyone calling him the wrong name. He  just needed to get out of there.

Molly was so excited all day at school.  Brian had sent her flowers and then as she got off the bus at the hospital, she got a text from him that said he would pick her up at 5:00 pm and drive her home.  She wasn’t scared anymore, although she was a little nervous because it was new to her, the other girls who had already worked there said it was a lot of fun. The time went quickly and Molly was on the last hall when she glanced down it.  At the far end she saw a blonde man turn the corner. Without thinking, she followed him.  He looked so much like Justin.  By the time he got to the corner and turned it there were double doors she wasn’t allowed to go through. “Justin, Justin are you down there?”

Molly called a couple more times before a nurse appeared.  Molly told her she had gotten lost and the nurse kindly showed her the way back to her entrance and assured her more people got confused.  Molly said she would be back on Wednesday as she walked out her eyes darted around for Brian.  As soon as she saw him she ran straight into his arms. “I saw Justin.  I know I saw Justin!” Her whole body trembled as she sobbed.  “He was there!  He really was there. Brian picked up the sobbing girl and carried her to his Jeep, setting her down on the seat but she still hung onto him tightly.  As Brian comforted her, a hospital van drove past them.

Inside the van, Justin was agitated.   He could have sworn he heard someone call his name when he was going for his MRI.  At the time his brain wasn’t registering quick enough but now that he was in  the back of the van he kept picturing Molly.  He hadn’t seen her or heard her in almost two years. He wasn’t sure what she would have been doing here.  She had turned thirteen on her last birthday but when he had written a message to his dad about her, he just said she was with his mother and changed the subject.  Molly’s voice haunted him as he made his way up the steps.  He really was going crazy.  He needed to keep improving so he could get away from his father and start a new life on his own.  His old life may no longer be an option but he could start a new one, even if he would never find another man to love him, he was sure he would not be interested in a woman, not like that.  As he got in his apartment and locked the door behind him,  he softly said,  “Brian, I understand you went on with your life  but I will always love you.”

Brian texted Jenn and asked if he could take Molly out for dinner.  That worked perfect for her because she was running late so Brian picked up food and drove her back to his loft.  As he sat with an arm around her trying to calm her, he listened to the whole story.

“Brian, I know it sounds funny because he had a bad limp and his right hand just sort of hung there but it was my brother! Brian, will you help me find him?”

“Oh, Mol, no one would be happier to find him alive than me. And I don’t doubt for a minute that you think you saw him, but honey, I think it is best that we don’t mention this to your mom.  I promise, I will find someone to help us look for him but can you keep this from Jenn?”

“I understand that, Brian.  Mom is tough but she is just getting back into her new normal.  She doesn’t need this.  She deserves to be happy and I think she might be ready to meet someone.”

“Well, Molly, when Sunshine died I thought about checking into it.  I thought it was odd how your dad just had him cremated and it was over but it was your dad and even though somehow he loved Justin, he was ready to have the Justin he didn’t like be gone so he could remember him the way he wanted his son to be.  I convinced myself, that was all it was but now, after what you saw, I will look into it.  I don’t care how much it costs, I am going to find proof Justin was cremated or I am going to find out if your dad …. I really can’t believe even he could do that.”

“Brian, I would have agreed with you but I know what I saw!”

“Let’s eat, Molly, and then I will bring you home.  You are at the hospital for several more days.  Keep your eyes open and I will have the private investigator start where you saw him.  I hope you are right but if it was just someone who looked similar, we need to know that, too. You Ok with keeping this from your mom? You can call or text me anytime.”

“I’m good for now.  I know you will do whatever it takes.”

“You are right, Molly.  Your brother has been haunting my dreams for almost two years.  I need to find a conclusion.”  They finished eating dinner and Brian dropped Molly off, giving her a couple things to check next time she was at the hospital.  Find out what was at the end of the hall.  She obviously couldn’t see records but anything she could find out might help.  Once Jenn waved at Brian he drove back home and called Ted.  He knew they had used a private detective for an issue at work.

“Brian, are you sure you want to do this?  I mean, Craig Taylor made it clear he didn’t want you anywhere near his son or his memory.”

“I don’t give a fuck what Craig Taylor wants or doesn’t want and in the last two years, I have a feeling my net worth has passed his up so I can afford anything he throws my say.”  Brian knew Ted was right and if the story leaked out that he was looking for his dead boyfriend, it could hurt his business and reputation.  “Ted, I know you are just looking out for me and Kinnetik but I need to do this.  I need to know when and where Justin was cremated or what happened to him.  Ted, I know it’s crazy but I feel like he’s alive. I hear him call my name at night. Am I going crazy? My therapist doesn’t seem to think so but it is getting worse, not better.  I need a conclusion or I am not sure I will ever be able to move past this.”

“Then we will make sure the detective knows the importance of secrecy throughout.  I will set up an appointment with him tomorrow. Brian, we’ll get an answer for you.  It is time you move on with your life.”

“I know you’re right, Ted, and thanks for understanding.”

‘Brian, call me.’ a text came in from Molly a week later just as she finished her volunteering at the hospital.

As soon as Brian was out of his meeting, he called Molly.  “Hey, Mollusk.  What’s up?”

“Brian, I got lost on purpose today and ended up by those doors again. A nurse was there and I made up a story for her.  I told her I thought I had seen a friend’s brother and I was shocked when she took me over to a computer terminal and she actually looked up last week’s schedule. Brian is it weird the guy’s name was Jason Smith?  Jason Smith was the name of the guy I thought was Justin.”

“You are amazing, Molly.  That will be so helpful.  I’ll let you know as soon as I know anything.”

“Has the detective found anything yet?”

“He had been finishing up another project but now that he is working full time for me the only thing he knows for sure is that if Justin was cremated, it wasn’t in Pittsburgh.”

“Brian, should we tell Mom?”

“If you have to, but if you can wait just a little while longer, we don’t have anything to tell her yet.”

“Ok, Brian. I won’t say anything.”

The minute Brian hung up with Molly, he called the detective.  “See if you can find someone named Jason Smith.” He explained what Molly found out and asked him to find the guy.

The detective contacted Brian every couple days as he started looking for Jason Smith.  He let him know he had some leads but he wouldn’t tell Brian anything until he had a couple details verified.

Molly was sad as her time wrapped up at the hospital and they didn’t know anymore than they did when she started there.  The Sunday after Molly had finished Brian arrived at their house but Molly didn’t run out to meet him.  “Hey, Jenn, where’s my girlfriend?”

“Brian, do you know what is going on with her? I am not sure the hospital was a good idea.  It might have brought up some…”

“Jennifer, I have something to confess,” Brian guided Jennifer to the sofa.

“Brian, we have something to tell her,” Molly came and squeezed in next to Jennifer and the side of the sofa.  “Mom,” Molly took one of Jennifer’s hands and took Brian’s with the other, “The first day I was at the hospital I was sure I saw Justin, Mommy.”

Jennifer hugged Molly tightly against her, “Oh, honey, you know your brother isn’t with us anymore.”

“But, Mom, it looked so much like Justin and I told…”

“You told Brian,” Jenn met his eyes.

“I’m sorry, Jenn.  We talked it over and we hoped we would have some answers before we told you.”

“What kind of answers did you think you would get?” Jenn’s voice was a little reserved.  “Brian, you didn’t talk Molly into believing…”

“He didn’t talk me into anything, Mom.  I found out the man’s name was Jason Smith and Brian hired a private investigator.”

“And you didn’t think I should know this?” Jenn scowled at Brian.

“Jenn, I just got some real news about this and I planned to tell both you and Molly about it today.  There was a boy named Jason Smith that died the same day of Justin’s accident.  It wasn’t around here, in fact it was in California.  The weird thing is this Jason Smith, although obviously dead, has an active Social Security number and it has been used in Pennsylvania.  In fact, it was used at the hospital the day Molly thought she saw Justin.”

“What are you saying, Brian? Somehow, Justin is alive and using this Jason Smith’s Social Security number? Brian, that is crazy.  Justin died almost two years ago. Do you really think this is good for any of us, Brian?” Jenn got up and started pacing.  I can’t believe you pulled Molly into….”

“Mom, don’t be mad at Brian.  I’m the one who needed to know.  He just said he would do it for me.”

“I did it for all of us.  I have had questions since the day he was cremated  before I could see him, before any of us could see him.  I still have dreams… I’m sorry,  Jenn.  I should have never…”

Molly got up and hugged her mom.  “Don’t send Brian away, Mom. I can’t lose him….”

“Brian’s stuck with us. He’s family now.”

“Daddy was family and he left us.”

“I hope you know, Molly, I’m not going anywhere unless your mom says I have to leave and I think she just said we are family.” Brian hugged both of them.  “If you would rather I go home before dinner…”

“No, it will be ready in a few minutes.  I just need a promise that the two of you won’t try to hide anything from me again.  I am not fragile.  In fact, I seem to be handling all of this better than ….”

“You’re right, Jenn.  I know you are a strong woman.  I’m the one that still hears your son’s voice and can’t….” Brian turned his back to them and walked to the window. “I loved him so much, and treated him so badly.”

Molly and Jenn each put their arms around him and the three stood together until dinner was ready.

Brian got a call on Tuesday from the private investigator. He needed to meet with him so that afternoon he met Brian at the office at closing time.  “It sounded important on the phone. Did you find something?”

The detective threw a folder down in front of Brian who opened the folder.  Inside were photos taken at a distance away with a long lens. There was a picture of Craig with a blonde next to him.  It was hard to see any details.  Brian flipped through several more pictures and then he froze.  The picture was from the hospital surveillance.  The date shows it was the day Molly saw him in the hospital and after seeing several more shots Brian forgot to breathe.  There was no doubt in his mind that this was his Sunshine, although his spark was missing.

“Do you know where he is? Do you know where he is living?”

“I think so.  He appears to be living above a small farmer’s market about 30 minutes from here.  Do you want me to go check it out tomorrow?”

“No, just give me the address and I’ll do this follow up.  If it’s a bust, I’ll let you know.”  But Brian had no doubt that it was Justin in the pictures.  He went home but he couldn’t sleep.  He sipped some bourbon but didn’t want to drink too much.  He wanted to be clear headed in the morning.

As soon as the sun rose over the horizon, Brian texted Ted and Cynthia that he wasn’t feeling well and wouldn’t be in today.  Ted immediately called him, “Brian, what’s going on?  In all the years I have known you, you have never called in sick.  Is it Justin?”

“Ted, I saw him.  It was only pictures but they were recent.  I’m going to go see him today.”

“Is that wise to do?  Is anyone going with you?”

“No, I need to do this. I…… Sunshine might be alive and I….”

“Call me if you need me, Brian. I hope it is Justin.”

Brian walked out of the apartment and took the lift to the ground floor.  He got into the Jeep and headed out to a small town he hoped held his future.