Brian stared broodingly ahead, pouring his second double shot of beam in the last five minutes. His emotions were all over the place.

Pissed.

Frustrated.

Horny.

Desolate.

Desolate, he thought? Brian Kinney does NOT do anything remotely connected to desolate. Downing the shot, Brian reached down to pour another... knowing his mind to be quickly becoming a jumbled mess. Fuck. He wanted Justin Taylor. Staring at the amber liquid, seeing it was providing him no comfort at all, Brian pushed it away and began pacing the room.

He thought about Justin in the backroom of Babylon tonight. Damn. He had been so fucking hot. Never had he looked at anything more beautiful. The only exception had been back in Vegas. That look of total trust and sense of belonging he had found in his eyes the first time his cock had slid inside the tight heat that couldn't be compared to any other man - ever. Fuck. He wanted that back. Brian knew he would do anything to have it again. He needed him, more than anything, he needed Justin in his life. Shaking his head as the realization hit him, he sank into the plush sofa, unsure of what to do next.

The impossible had happened. The young blond had done what no other man had ever succeeded in doing before him. Justin had taken a piece with him that Brian had never known had existed. He had left Vegas to return to Pittsburgh with his heart. Fuck. It was all so blatantly clear now. The jealousy, the need to follow the young blond to the corners of the globe if necessary. It all stared him in the face. Now, when it was too late.

He was in love with Justin.

Brian shook his head in amazement, unable to get a grasp on this more than improbable reality. He knew what he had to do now, no matter if it ripped his soul apart. Picking up the phone, he pushed the number he had saved into his speed dial, hoping the call would be answered. When it had rung several times, Brian heard the man's voice that he knew would haunt his thoughts and dreams forever. "Justin," he whispered. "Please don't hang up. I know you are upset with me. I deserve that."

"Yes, you do," Justin agreed. Sitting up, not admitting that he had been unable to even attempt sleep, Justin asked, "What do you want, Brian? It's late."

Brian laughed hollowly. "A good question. I want what I've always wanted, but so much more now. As it is, it doesn't appear like I'm going to get it."

"Riddles at one a.m. Great, Brian. Just great," Justin sighed.

"Can you come over, Justin? I just want to talk. There are a few things I'd like to tell you, and I don't want to do this over the phone," Brian implored, knowing no talk had ever been more important than this one.

"I don't know, Brian. I think we've said all there is to say. I don't want to argue with you anymore," Justin hedged, not refusing, yet knowing he should.

Brian sighed deeply, realizing he couldn't leave until he had talked to Justin one more time. Now that he had accepted the truth that burned a hole into his gut, he knew leaving might be what he had to do. "I don't want to argue with you, Justin. I want to explain some things. Ones that I hope will make a difference."

"And if they don't make a difference?" Justin asked guardedly.

"I'll leave and never contact you again," he answered, hating the pain that stabbed into him as he uttered the words. "I'll send a car for you. I don't want you walking or waiting for a cab at this late hour."

"Alright. I'll come, that's all I'm promising." As an afterthought, he asked, "You know my address, right?"

Brian smiled, releasing a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding. "Yes, Justin, I do."

"Okay, I'll see you soon, then..." Justin answered, thinking himself all sorts of a fool for agreeing to do this, yet, unable to resist the compulsion to accept.

Brian ended the call, immediately calling down to the front desk, giving them instructions for the limo to pick up Justin, further relaying to them, he was not to be disturbed for the rest of the night for any reason. He only hoped the night turned out to necessitate such actions. After finishing with the desk clerk, Brian went into the bathroom, checking his appearance, brushing his teeth, and applying his favorite Gucci cologne. Pleased with how he looked, he went back out into the sitting room of his suite, scowling when his cell phone began to ring. Reaching down to pick it up, he frowned when it was Ted at such a late hour, then remembering his last call to him, he decided it wasn't such a surprise after all.

"Isn't it a bit late for you to be calling, Theodore?" Brian taunted him, knowing he was about to be berated in the unique style of Ted Schmidt.

"Not when I receive a message such as you left me," Ted grumbled in disgust. "Please tell me you are joking, Brian. You are not going this far. I mean, think about it, Bri. This is nothing but stalking. The boy could have you arrested - with very good reason!"

"Calm down, Ted. I changed my mind. I'm not going through with it," Brian told him, knowing Ted well enough to realize this wouldn't be enough to placate him.

Ted let out an audible sigh. "Well, that's good. My next question is this - why are you changing your mind? What other diabolical plan are you concocting to mess with that kid's life?"

"Thanks, Theodore. I do appreciate the confidence you have in me..." Brian snapped.

"Brian, I don't know who you think you're fooling. I think it's time you face up to your feelings, and until you do, nothing is going to change," Ted told him, having no doubt in his mind that Brian was completely captivated by the young blond. He shook his head in amazement. Who would have thought a kid could snare the biggest fish in the sea? Ted had no doubt that was exactly what had happened.

Rolling his eyes, Brian knew he had no intention of making any admissions to his friend. Justin would be the first to hear this momentous news; that was if he could even articulate the words. Realizing Justin would be arriving very soon, Brian's voice lowered to his typical authoritative fashion. "Have Blake on standby for the morning. I may decide to return home tomorrow."

Ted sighed, hearing something in Brian's voice that concerned him, a sadness that he would have never attributed to Brian. "Don't run from it, Brian. Follow your heart. It's never too late to take a chance on love."

Brian scowled at the phone in disbelief that he was having this conversation with Ted. Caustically, he clipped out, "Remind me to fire your lesbianic ass when I return home..."

Ted laughed as they ended the call, both of them knowing Brian would do nothing of the kind. He shook his head, before laying down to sleep, hoping Brian won his heart's desire in Pittsburgh; he had the feeling Brian would just be a shell of his former self if Justin didn't return his love, along with agreeing to spend the rest of his life with him. He smiled before falling asleep. Brian Kinney in love. What the fuck was the world coming to?

Justin stood outside the door to Brian's suite for long agonizing minutes, his hand poised to knock, but drawing back upon finding it trembling. Running the hand through his hair that remained steady, Justin cursed inwardly at himself. What the fuck is your problem, Taylor? Get it together. Fuck. He is only just a man. A man that has deceived you from day one. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Why was he even here? What could Brian possibly have to say to him that would undo or change anything he had done? Nothing. He knew that, as he had told himself the entire ride over here. This was undoubtedly just Brian playing another one of his mind games, all with the intent of winning.

Still, he wondered, to win what exactly? Why had Brian re-ordered his life to follow him to Pittsburgh? For a man in Brian's exalted position, it just didn't make any sense. Justin tried to tell himself he wouldn't easily forgive him, but he knew his heart. If Brian showed any possibility of changing, at the very least - showing remorse, Justin would have a battle on his hands to keep himself from running into the beautiful man's arms. The most beautiful and mesmerizing man he had ever seen. Smiling as he pictured the perfection of Brian Kinney - physical perfection anyways, he told himself - Justin couldn't still the racing of his heart.

The sensible side of him, the one steeped in self-preservation, urged him to run toward the elevator, out of this place, and back home. Then there was that other part of him. The man that still wanted Brian fervently and craved to be everything to the worldly billionaire. He would give up everything to be with him upon being given a true expression of trust and love. He raised his hand again to knock, forcing himself to relax, realizing he had to know what Brian wanted. But most of all, he needed to know exactly how Brian felt about him.

Justin didn't have to wait long for his knock to be answered. Mere moments later, the door swung open, and his eyes were swallowed up by the penetrating hazel ones; a forlorn look inside of them. A look Justin didn't understand when attributed to this man. Swallowing nervously, yet determined to maintain his objectivity and air of indifference, genuine or not, Justin smiled timidly, greeting him softly, "Hi, Brian."

"Hello, Justin." Brian opened the door, motioning him inside with a sweep of his arm. "Please, come inside. Have a seat. Can I get you something to drink?"

Shaking his head, Justin answered, "No, thanks. I'd rather just hear what you have to say."

"Okay. Fair enough." Brian watched with hooded, hungry eyes as Justin took a seat on the couch. He realized for the first time he wasn't looking at Justin in a wild and lustful frenzy. Although, quite obviously he wanted Justin - badly, yet it was so much more. His eyes visibly drank in the ethereal beauty of the blond, thinking he could just look at him for the rest of the night. Fuck, he thought, as he dragged a hand through his already disheveled hair that he had wreaked into disarray the entire time he had been waiting for Justin's arrival - I'm turning into my worst nightmare. A fucking lesbian! This won't do, Brian thought. He had to find a way to do this, and keep himself intact. Moreover, come out of this still being unquestionably Brian Kinney.

Justin watched as Brian bypassed the couch to take a seat in the chair across from him, finding this to be the most perplexing event of all. Since when did Brian keep his distance from him? His body relaxed as he realized no immediate overtures would be made by the gorgeous brunet. Justin wasn't certain if he was happy or saddened by that fact. But he knew it was for the best if he was to leave here unscathed. Arching an inquisitive brow, Justin asked, "So, why did you want to see me - tonight?"

"I always want to see you, Justin. Leaving Vegas didn't change that," Brian said, smiling softly at him. "Many things have changed, but never that."

Eyes widening, uncertain of what to make of this softer Brian, he asked, "What are you saying, Brian?"

"I'm saying I've made many mistakes in my life, although I have never done regrets. I don't believe in them. I find them to be a waste of time, along with them being a denial of who I am." His eyes lowered briefly, before looking back up at Justin. "Until now. I do regret how I betrayed you, but most of all, how that deception hurt you."

"Why do you regret it, Brian? Is it because you lost the game, or is there more?" Justin asked, needing to know, but more specifically, to know what that hidden emotion was that clearly darkened his eyes. Brian's eyes were shadowed, almost pained. He needed to know why.

"I really don't think it was ever a game. Not with you." Brian smiled as he remembered their first meeting, and all the ones to follow, knowing his pursuit of Justin had never been a mere game. "I have never wanted anything as I have wanted you, Justin. Like I still want you. But there's so much more..."

Sitting forward on the couch, Justin urged, "Tell me."

"Tonight after I left Babylon, and you, I finally realized what had been staring me in the face from even before you left Vegas. I still couldn't accept it, though. I was so angry, and I wanted you so fucking much." He took a deep breath as he continued, "I did something reprehensible, although I have since righted it."

"What did you do?" Justin asked, almost afraid of his answer.

"I phoned a colleague, in actuality - my right-hand man. I told him to engineer a takeover on Vangard." Brian cringed at the shock, and the unmasked pain he found on Justin's face. "I have since spoken to him and ended those plans."

Justin nodded, uncertain of why he was still sitting here, but finding himself frozen in place. Swallowing deeply, Justin asked, "Why did you tell him to stop? You would have had control then. I would have been under your thumb."

Brian nodded. "Yes, you would have. As I thought about it, I knew I couldn't do that to you, nor did I want you that way."

"Why?" Justin asked, his heart elevating as he thought he could read the emotion in Brian's eyes, something that he was attempting to keep hidden from his own. His mouth setting into a firm line, as Brian looked away, Justin demanded, "Brian. You have told me this much, don't stop now. Please!"

Standing up, Brian paced back and forth, unable to look at him any longer. "I realize you will never accept me for the man I am. I don't think it's in me to change. I have been who I am for too long. So, I decided to let you go - finally. I wish I could be the man you want. You have no idea how much I wish that. And I can't stand to see the disappointment in your eyes every day when you see that I can't."

Justin stood up, moving toward Brian, knowing what the older man was saying without him saying the words. But he needed to hear it. At least one time. Fuck, it was a dream come true. God, how he hoped he was reading him right. This, along with the revelations Brian had confessed tonight, made all the difference. Moving to stand in front of him, Justin reached up to lay his hand softly upon Brian's cheek, smiling as he felt him tremble in response. "Tell me why, Brian."

"It doesn't matter any longer, Justin. You deserve so much more than I can ever give you. I will never regret the time we spent together. It was the best time of my life." Looking yearningly into Justin's eyes, he told him, "It's time for me to go home, and let you live your life. I am leaving in the morning. This time I promise you'll never hear from me again."

Tears rolled down Justin's cheeks as his eyes flitted around, reading not only despair but love in Brian's eyes. Brian loved him, he knew it. But he didn't want to admit it. Justin's eyes narrowed on him thoughtfully, before he realized Brian's true point of view. Brian felt unworthy of him, and his love. Stupid, egotistical, arrogant asshole, Justin thought. Didn't the man get that he couldn't control the heart? Well, it was time he found out.

"Don't leave, Brian. I want you to stay," Justin whispered, his eyes softening, and brimming with love for this impossible man.

Brian groaned deeply, finding saying goodbye to Justin harder than he had ever thought possible. He didn't want to leave him. Not now or ever, but it was for the best. As much as he wanted Justin, he also wanted him to be happy. Most of all, he wanted his heart. If he couldn't have that, he had to walk away. There was no other option. Leaning forward, Brian kissed him softly on the lips, sweetly and tenderly, a kiss unlike any he had ever given. "A long time ago, someone told me something that I never quite understood, nor thought could ever have a place within my own reality."

"What's that?" Justin asked, his eyes magnetized to Brian's.

Smiling as he remembered the words that he had never thought to apply to his life, Brian told him, "If you want something badly enough, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours forever. If it doesn't, it was never yours, to begin with."

Justin's lips curved into a beaming smile that set a glow to his face. "Brian, don't you get it? You only had to show me that you cared. I don't want to change you. I never wanted that. I just wanted you to love me, and to treat me like a person - not an object." Reading the hope that was openly displayed in Brian's eyes, a feeling that he knew to be reflected in his own, Justin continued, "You don't have to set me free, Brian. I'm yours if you still want me. I guess my question is simple - do you still want me?"

TBC