Chapter 4

When Danny woke he was shocked to find his dad sitting at the kitchen counter sipping on some juice. “Junior, glad you slept in a bit.”

“Dad, did you sleep well?” Danny tried not to act too surprised.  “Can I get you something to eat?”

“Yes, I’ll take some eggs,” Dan said with some strength in his voice. “Do you know when Red will be home?”

“I think they are already on their way.  They should be here by 11:00.”

“Son, I know it is an impossible task but can you help me look good or at least better? I want him to know I still ….”

“Oh, Dad, Marcus loves you so much, it won’t matter.”

“But I want to and I want to go to Brian’s party this afternoon.”

“Are you sure you are up to that?”

“I don’t need to stay long, but I need to go to my best friend’s party with my beautiful husband.”

Danny blinked away the tears as he set scrambled eggs down in front of Dan and he began to eat them slowly.  Danny poured some coffee and put some eggs on his plate before sitting down by his dad.  “Dad, I’m not sure this is a good idea.  I mean there will be more people and if you catch…”

“Junior, it might kill me? We both know it is only a matter of time.”

“Oh, Daddy, don’t say that,” Hannah threw her arms around Dan’s neck.  “I just can’t…”

“Oh, honey, I have no doubt you can. You will have your dad and your brother.  We raised you to be a strong woman who doesn’t need anyone but I hope if you want someone in your life you will find that special person.  I never expected to have a husband and family, but I wouldn’t change a thing.”  Dan finished his eggs.  “Can you help me to the recliner?” I will take a little nap and then, Junior, you’ll help me get ready?”

“Of course I will, Dad. How about if we go to the party a little early and then you can spend a bit of time with Brian but if the house gets overwhelming Marcus can bring you home?”

“That sounds good.”  Hannah walked beside him as he made his way to the chair and he sat down.  She kissed his cheek and then moved away to get a cup of coffee.  She then pulled Danny down the hall toward the bedrooms.

“Danny, what are you thinking? Daddy shouldn’t be going out anywhere.”

“You go ahead and tell him that,” Danny snapped and instantly wanted to take it back.  As her face crumbled, he pulled Hannah into his arms.  “I am so sorry.  I didn’t mean that.  I’m as worried as you are.  I found him in the kitchen when I got up. He got there himself. “

“I don’t like it.  What if he….I’ve read about people that have a boost of energy just before….”

“He’s just excited about Marcus coming home.  I’m going to call El and see if he will come over and help me get dad ready.  If he wants to look good for Dad.  He is going to look good for Marcus.”

The plane had taken off ahead of schedule and landed by 9:30.  Marcus had been quiet all the way home and as Brian drove them home, Justin sat with Marcus in the back.  “Do I look alright?”

“You look great, Marc. Is there anything I can do for you?”

“No.  I just want to look refreshed. I…. I’m scared, Justin.  I don’t know how much longer I can do this.”

“Fuck you!” Brian slammed on the breaks and pulled the car off the road. “You don’t know how much longer YOU can do this? What about Dan? He doesn’t know when he will have his last breath and you don’t know….”

“Brian, enough!” Justin said, not loudly but with a force that caught Brian’s attention and he stopped talking.  He pulled the car back on the road and continued toward the vineyard.

Danny and Elliott had helped Dan shower and dress.  They were combing his hair when they received a text that Marcus was on his way.  “Do I look good?”

“You look fantastic, Dad. Marcus will be so pleased to see you looking so good,” Danny smiled at him.

“I want to meet him at the door.”

Danny didn’t hesitate, “Sure, Dad, that sounds great.”

Brian pulled up to Dan and Marcus’ house and he got out and opened the back door for Marcus, “I shouldn’t have…..” 

Marcus walked past him without a word. Brian got back into the car and before Justin could say something Brian said, “Don’t say anything,” as he got behind the wheel and drove away.

Marcus got to the door and opened it.  To his surprise, Dan was standing with only a hand on the back of a chair for support. “Red, it is so good to see you! You look….well, you look perfect.”

Marcus rushed to him and wrapped his arms around him.  He kissed the man he loved and then they just stood there together for a few moments before Marcus led him toward the sofa where they could sit together. Dan wrapped his arms around his husband and kissed him.  “I hope Justin…”

“Dan, we did not have sex.  I love him but it isn’t like I love you. It never has been.  It never will be.”

“Red, I want to try…..  I want you.”

“Dan, maybe I should check with El and Danny….”

“You are not asking our son if we can have sex.  I want to have sex with you and then after some rest, we are going to Brian’s party.”

Slowly they walked to the bedroom.  As Marcus undid Dan’s buttons he said, “You look very handsome, Dan.  You didn’t have to go through that much for me.”

“You are my husband.  If I can’t try to impress you, who would I impress?”

Soon they lay in bed naked and Dan ran his hand down Marcus’ slim body. After a long kiss, Dan said, “Turn over.” Marcus did and with some effort, Dan entered his husband.

“Oh, Dan, that feels so….” Marcus had tears running down his face at the feel of this man making love to him.  It was slow and gentle but there was an electricity that built between them and although the orgasm wasn’t physically strong, the emotional effect was mind blowing for both of them. Marcus pulled Dan close and they both drifted off to sleep.

Brian and Justin arrived home.  Brian braced for the reprimand he deserved after his outburst with Marcus but as they met at the back of the vehicle to grab their bags, Justin pulled him close instead.  “I shouldn’t...I”

“Sh, it doesn’t matter.  Now I have a feeling our house has already been invaded so put on a smile and let’s go inside.”

“I don’t want this party.  I just want to….”

“Brian, your family needs this.  They need to see you aren’t going anywhere for awhile.”

Brian kissed him and nodded, “Let’s go see our girls.”

Brinn and Shelby were in the kitchen while Brennon and Zander were putting up a banner. Brian went around and kissed each of them.  “You really are going over the top.  I don’t need all this.”

“But we want to do it for you, Brian,” Shelby hugged him.  I’m so glad you two are back here.  We missed you so much when you were in Pittsburgh. We missed out on a couple birthdays with you.  Let us do this for you.”

“Alright, alright. I give up.  I think I’m going to go check a couple things in the office and then maybe go out by the pool for a bit.”

“That sounds perfect. I’ll meet you out there in about 30 minutes.” Justin said as he carried their bags into the bedroom.

At 4:00 p.m. Marcus pulled up next to Brian’s and Justin’s house.  They were sitting on the veranda when the car stopped and both Brian and Justin saw Dan sitting in the car.  Brian and Justin walked over and Dan leaned on Brian as they walked back to the shade together. The friends talked like they had so many times and as more of the family arrived, Dan began to get tired.

“Darling Dan, I think it’s time for us to go home and let the family have their party.” 

Brinn walked up and put her hands on Dan’s shoulders.  “You know you are family but I understand.  Uncle Dan, may I help you to the car?”

“Brinn, you are one beautiful woman I will always put my arms around.” 

Brinn helped him to the car and after he was sitting comfortably, Brinn kissed his cheek, “I love you, Uncle Dan.”

“I love you, too, sweetheart.”  He pulled her down close so he could whisper in her ear, “Take care of Brian for me.  He will need you.”

“Of course, I will.” She kissed his forehead and shut the door.

By 5:30 everyone had arrived.  At 6:00 they all helped themselves to food and they sat around the large family table.  Brian hadn’t spent much time with Gus since Gabe was born.  He seemed quieter than normal.  When he had his chance he pulled him down the hall and took him into his bedroom.  “Ok, spill it.”

“Spill what, Pops?”

“You tell me.  Something is eating at you.  What is it?”

“Pops, now isn’t the time….”

“Gus, I’m 80.  I don’t have much time….”

“I love Trenton.”

“Ya, so what’s wrong? You’ve loved him for years.”

“Pops, you don’t understand.  I promised Shelly after Seth, I would never love anyone else and I never told him….I had to tell him. It wasn’t fair not to tell him but I betrayed Shel.  I’m not sure how she will react.  She has been helping Taylor and I am a coward.  I just can’t….”

There was a light tap on the door, “Anything I can do for either of you?Ian and Taylor are about to leave with Gabe.”  Shelby asked.

“You can talk to your husband and I am going to go say goodbye to my great grandson.” Brian walked out the door, shutting it behind him.

Gus turned toward Shelby, “It’s nothing, really.  We can talk about it…”

“Gus, something has been bugging you for days and I know I have been distracted with Gabe.  I have been thinking about our Gabriel.  He would be grown now.  I look at Gage and picture our baby boy and with Taylor holding that little boy, but I am so proud of our girl and I’m going to be fine.  I think it is some mourning I just had never worked through.  But Brian could feel something.  What is it?”

“Shelby, I’m so sorry.  I didn’t mean to ever do it.  I broke my promise.  I haven’t done that before, not since I got clean.”

“Gus, it can’t be all that bad. Seriously, I don’t think you’re having an affair.  You have your hands full already and I think I would know if you were doing drugs again.  That isn’t it. What promise could you have broken?”

“I, I fell in love.”

“You fell in love?” Shelby was confused.

“I love Trenton.  I have tried to deny it and I didn’t say it to him because I told you I would never fall in love but it just happened when I spent that time there.  I talked to Dad and he pointed out that Pen deserved to hear it.  He knew but I had never said it and I needed to.  I love him.”

Shelby had walked to the sliding doors and stared at the pool.  “I,  Justin told you to do that? He didn’t care about your promise? I….I need time. Just leave me alone.” She opened the door and walked out into the garden.

Gus wanted to follow her but went back to the family just in time to kiss Taylor and Gabe goodbye.  Brian looked around for Shelby but didn’t go out to look for her. He looked out the window and saw her drive away.  Soon everyone headed home.  Soon Gus was the only one left.

“Where did Shelby go?” Justin asked.

“I told her I loved Trenton and she left. She wasn’t happy.  I better go home and see if I have a marriage to salvage.”

“You had to do it,” Justin said.  “He deserved to hear it years ago.”

‘But I still broke my promise.”

“Gus, she’ll come around. Just give her a li title time,” Brian assured him.

“I need to go.”

“We’re here if you need us, son.” Justin said as Gus went to find his wife.

Marcus lay with Dan.  He had gotten Dan in bed when they got home  and he fell into a deep sleep.  Later, Marcus made him some soup but he wasn’t hungry and he dozed off again.

It was about 10:00 p.m. when Dan squeezed Marcus’ hand. “Can you call Brian and Justin?  I want them to come over.”

Marcus didn’t ask any questions.  He just called Justin and told him Dan wanted them.  Ten minutes later, Brian and Justin arrived. They had just pulled on some workout pants and T-shirts.  Marcus met them in the kitchen.  He had tears running down his cheeks.  “I think …. I think he is saying goodbye.” Justin put his arms around Marcus.

“Well, then, we need to go to him.” Marcus led the way as Justin put his arm around Brian’s waist and propelled him forward.”

Dan turned as they walked into the room and reached out to them. “Thanks for coming,” he said softly. “Brian…” he patted the bed next to him on one side.  Marcus laid on the other side and then Justin lay next to Marcus. Marcus lay on his side to press his body against Dan and Brian did the same on the other side. Justin draped his arm across Marcus and laid his hand on top of Brian’s which was laying on Dan’s abdomen. 

“Justin,” Dan said softly, “thank you for always being there for Red.  I was an ass sometimes but he always had you there.  You are a good man.  I had never wanted to get married but when I saw you and Brian together, I knew there was something out there I was missing.” After laying quietly for a few moments he went on.  “Brian, I didn’t know there were friends like you. I couldn’t ask for a better friend and business partner.  You showed me what a good husband and father was.”

Now Dan turned and looked at the love of his life.  “Red, I have loved you since the first day I met you.  You were everything I have ever needed.  You made me be a father and the only thing better than our children is you.  I will love you through eternity.” Marcus kissed Dan softly and then they all felt the life leave his body.  

They all laid there silently in their own grief.  After several minutes Justin kissed Marcus’ cheek, “We’ll leave you alone for a few minutes.  Would you like me to call the kids?” Justin sat up and nodded to Brian who reluctantly moved.

“Could you call Danny? Hannah will be home in a few moments.  She said she would be home at midnight.  It is going to be so hard for her.  I don’t know how to tell her.”

“Marcus, let me tell her for you.  You need a few minutes alone.”

“Thank you,” Marcus said as he sat up. “Elliott will know what needs to be done about…. I don’t know if I can let them take him.”

“You can have as much time as you need,” Justin hugged him and then walked over to Brian and led him out of the room.

Once out of the room, Brian’s whole body slumped against Justin and Justin wrapped his arms around him.  It didn’t take Brian long to pull himself together, “I’ll call Danny,” he said.  “You watch for Hannah,” Brian stated emotionless.

Brian went out on the deck and called Danny.  “Ya….” Danny came on out of breath. “El, wait, it’s Brian.”

“Sorry, I’m obviously interrupting but…”

“He’s gone, isn’t he.”  Danny and Elliott had been in the middle of making love but Elliott withdrew and pulled Danny close.

“Yes, son.” Brian stated. “It happened about 15 minutes ago.”

“We’re on the way.  Does Hannah know?”

“She just pulled up.  Justin will tell her.” Brian ended the call without saying goodbye and walked around the edge of the house and stood at the door to the master.  He watched Marcus lay next to Dan with his head on his chest. Brian couldn’t imagine life without Dan.  He didn’t want to.

Justin saw Hannah get out of the car and moved to the door.  He watched Hannah walk up to the house slowly. She knew that the extra car by the house was not a good sign.  She rushed toward the door and just stepped out to meet her.

“Excuse me, Uncle Justin.  I want to go see Dad.” Justin noticed the use of the word Uncle.  She hadn’t called him that in many years.

“Hannah, sweetie,” Justin tried to put his arms around her but she pulled away.

“No, I want to go see my dad.  I need to see my dad.  I told him I would be home by midnight. I need to…”  Hannah stopped and looked into Justin’s eyes.   “Please, Uncle Justin, I…” tears were running down her cheeks now and as he pulled her close she sobbed loudly.  “Oh, Daddy.  I’m sorry.  I should have come home earlier.  What if you’re wrong? We need to call Elliott.  He’s a doctor.  I bet he can…”

“Hannah, Elliott is on his way. I’m sorry.” 

After several moments, Hannah took a deep breath, her whole body shuttered as she did and then she sagged against Justin.  “How is Daddy?”

“He wanted a few minutes alone with….  I’m sure Brian is staying close.”

Headlights moved across the wall of the house and soon Hannah stood in Danny’s arms with Elliott supporting both of them.  Minutes later the three of them walked into the house and moved toward the bedroom.  Justin moved around the outside of the house to find Brian.  He knew where he’d find him.  Brian stood watching as Marcus was enfolded in the arms of his children while Elliott did what needed to be done as a doctor.

Justin slipped his arms around Brian’s waist from behind, “Bri, what can I do for you?”

“If I told you to leave me alone, would you?”

“No.”

“Then why’d you ask?”

“Brian, don’t do this.  Don’t try to push me away. It’s never worked in the past.  It’s not going to work now.”  Justin moved around him and Brian pulled him close.  “We should check on Marc and then leave them alone.  The family deserves….”

“Fuck it!  I’m family!  We’re family. I have known him longer than anyone here.”

“Oh, baby, I know that.  You are going to miss him.  We both are but Marcus is his husband and those are his children.  Where are Emma and Cadan?”

Brian shrugged.  “I didn’t ask.”

“We need to ask if we can do anything and then go home.”

“I don’t… I’ll go wait in the car.” Brian said sharply and walked around the side of the house. Justin followed but as Brian walked to the car, Justin went back into the house. 

Justin entered the bedroom and walked around to Elliott.  “We’ll leave you alone. Are your kids at home?”

“No, they are staying with friends tonight.  We’ll tell them in the morning.”

“We’ll be back in the morning.  Do you want me to wait at your house or anything?”

“No, I’ll let them know in the morning to come here.  Dan will be gone by then.  The funeral home is on it’s way.”

“I’m going to get Brian home before they arrive.  He wouldn’t react well to that.”

“I understand.”

“Call if you need me.”  Justin walked over to Marcus and squeezed his hand, “I’ll be back in the morning.”

“Justin,” Marcus stepped away from Danny and Hanna just far enough so he could look at him, “thank you for coming.”

Justin gave him a little squeeze and then walked out of the room. He let out a long sigh as he walked to the car. Justin knew it would be a silent ride home.  What he wasn’t sure of was Brian’s reaction in the morning.

Brian didn’t come to bed.  It was almost 5:00 when Justin woke up and found him passed out on the sofa. Brian was too old to get that drunk. Was he trying to join Dan?  Shit, was he trying to join Dan?  “Brian, come to bed. Your back is going to hurt.”  Brian just groaned softly as Justin tried to get him up.

“Leave me alone.”

“No, baby, come on.” He made Brian put his feet on the ground and helped him stand up. Brian didn’t fight back, he just leaned on him and they walked to the bedroom together.  Brian pointed to the commode and Justin helped him over there.  Justin helped him balance as he emptied his bladder and then helped him into bed.

Once they were laying side by side Justin took Brian in his arms and although he started to protest he quickly gave in and rested in Justin’s embrace. 

In the morning, Justin left Brian sleeping and he drove down to Marcus’.  He was surprised to see the funeral home’s car still sitting there.  He entered the house and Danny came over.  He looked exhausted.  El was sitting with Cadan at the table while Emma was sitting with Hannah on the sofa.  Someone he didn’t know was drinking a cup of coffee by the kitchen counter.

“Oh, Justin, am I glad to see you.  Marc won’t let them take Dad’s body.  He won’t even let him in the room.  Will you please try to get him to understand.”

“Give me about five minutes, then send him in,” he nodded toward the driver. At the last minute he grabbed a cup of coffee and added cream and sugar, the way Marcus liked it.  Justin entered the bedroom.  Marcus was standing at the window but spun around when he heard the door. “Hey, Marcus, I brought you some coffee.”

Marcus took it and sipped it, “Thanks.  What are you doing back already….oh, ya it’s morning. I keep looking at him, thinking he’ll wake up.  Justin, I want him to wake up.  I just want him to….”

“Marcus, it's a nice morning.  Let’s get some fresh air.” He opened the door to the deck he and Brian stood on last night and ushered him out.  As they stood in the fresh morning air Marcus looked at him. “They are going to take him now aren’t they?”

“Yes, Marc.  It’s time.” Marcus let the cup fall to the decking and Justin held him tight. He glanced into the bedroom and saw Elliott and the driver moving Dan’s body out of the room.  He guided Marcus to a seat and sat with him. 

“Where are they taking him?”

“Elliott has all the details.”

“I want to go with him.”

“Marcus, Dan’s not there anymore. I mean they have his body but we both felt him leave last night. His body just left but Dan will be here,” he tapped Marcus’ chest.  Dan is right there and always will be.”

Marcus leaned on Justin and said, “We made love yesterday. Dan made love to me.  I knew.  I knew at that moment it would be our last time.  Thank you for not…  in LA.”

“It wasn’t the time or the place.”

“Where is Brian?”

“He drank a little bit too much. Actually, he drank a lot too much.”

“Go home to him. I have the kids and grandkids here.  Thanks for...well, snapping me out of this.  I just couldn’t let go.”

“Marcus, if you need company or need to get away, we are here for you.”

“Thanks, Justin. You always are.”

Gus walked into the kitchen and found Shelby making a bagel. He moved up behind her and rested his arm on her waist. She abruptly stepped away. “Please, Shelly, I missed you last night.  I understand you were upset but the guest room is lonely.”

“You should have just gone and stayed at Trenton.  You love him. You might as well have…”

“Shel, I am sorry.  I know I broke a promise but Trenton has been part of the family ever since the earthquake.  You love him.  The kids love him. Loving him doesn’t mean I love you less.  If it did, I would have changed things long ago.  I love you.  I love our family.  I love him but my family is always first. Don’t you realize he deserved to know.  All these years he has been here for me, for us and even without knowing for sure, he loved me enough to stay with me.  I just …..what if something happened to him or me and I never told him?”

Shelby looked at him silently for what seemed like an eternity.  Finally she spoke softly, “Do you want to move in there part time? I mean are we supposed to split your time like divorced parents do?”

“Shel, nothing has changed.” She allowed him to pull her close now. “If I could change, I would have years ago.  I would do anything for you but just like you can’t change who you are neither can I and you have accepted that for years.”

“I just….you  could so easily decide to move in there instead of here.  The kids are out of the house.  I just have never loved anyone like I love you.  I have loved you for years and know that isn’t going to change.”

“Shelby, I’m not leaving you.  I just couldn’t have it hanging between us, knowing I broke a promise.”

“Damn it, Gus.” Shelby pressed her body tightly against him.  “God, I love you.”  It wasn’t long before Shelby’s night shirt was up to her hips and Gus was buried deep inside her. She cried out as she orgasmed, followed by Gus. “You know with all your practice, you really have perfected that.”

“Does that mean we have to stop practicing?” Gus asked as he bent over and began to gently lick her most tender spots making her cum again.

“We will never stop trying to perfect it.”

“Well, I’m not sure it will ever get better than that.” Shelby turned and looked him in the eye, “I know why he fell in love with you and, truthfully, I can understand why you love him.  He is so kind and generous and if he is that way to your family, I can only imagine what he gives you. If you want to spend a little more time with him or if he just wants to hang out with you, he is welcome here. Maybe he can spend a night a week here and a night there?”

“You would really be ok with him and I…?”

“As long as you aren’t going at it in the kitchen, I think I can handle it. I do love him, too, just like a brother.”

“Shel, you are the most amazing woman I can imagine. I love you.” As Gus kissed his wife the doorbell rang and as Shelby tugged her night shirt down, Gus opened the door to find Justin standing there.  “Dad, what are you doing here?”

“I am on my way home but I wanted to let you know, Dan died last night.”

“Oh, Dad, I’m so sorry.  Oh, no, how is Pops?”

“It wasn’t good.  We were there last night when it happened and I slept at the house but went back early this morning.  Brian was passed out in bed when I left. I need to get back to him. We’ll talk later.  I just wanted to let you know.” Justin gave Gus a quick kiss and waved at Shelby before moving toward the car.

“Dad, let me know if I can help with Pops.  He shouldn’t be drinking like that.”

“Thanks, Gus.” Justin got in the car and drove away.

When he arrived home, he expected Brian to be in bed but it was empty.  Then he noticed movement outside.  Brian was swimming laps. “Asshole,” Justin mumbled under his breath.  What was he doing swimming alone. Justin stripped and walked out to the pool, joining him in the cool water.  He didn’t say anything.  He just joined in the laps Brian was swimming.  

As Justin began to tire he knew Brian was pushing himself too hard. He had been swimming longer.  Justin stopped and as Brian swam up he moved directly in front of him. Brian ran into him. He stood up and looked surprised he was even there. He then dropped down into the water as his own exhaustion hit him. Justin moved toward him and held him.

“Just breath for a minute or two,” Justin said as he helped him to the edge of the pool. He kissed Brian’s cheek as he put an arm around his waist for added support. “You can’t do this to yourself. Pushing yourself beyond your limits isn’t going to bring Dan back.  I love you too much to watch you do this to yourself.”

Now Brian pulled away from him. “Just leave me alone.  You always think you need to try to make things better.  Unless you can bring Dan back, there is nothing that can make it better.” He moved to the steps he held onto the rail as he walked up the steps and then walked into the bathroom and directly into the shower.  Justin watched as Brian sat down on the bench they had built in the shower, and the water pulsed down on him.  Justin followed him in, knowing the shear exhaustion he was feeling, and, without a word, put shampoo in Brian’s hair and began to massage his scalp. 

When he started to rinse out the suds, Brian started, “Just leave me…”

“Shut up, Brian.  Just shut up!”  Justin finished with Brian’s hair and turned his back to him and started to wash his own.  He heard something behind him but didn’t turn, figuring Brian had just left but then he felt Brian’s arms creep around his waist and Brian drops his head on the small of Justn’s back, just above his ass.  Justin knew Bran well enough that now was not the time to say anything he just turned and to his surprise, Brian took his cock into his mouth. He seemed to take comfort in the feel of it and as he slid his mouth over it, Justin felt Brian’s body calm down as his own began to react. When he was ready to cum, he held Brian’s head where it was and Brian took every drop he had to offer.  

They both finished rinsing off and left the shower without a spoken word. They dressed and Justin went to make them something to eat, knowing neither of them had eaten since the evening before. As he heated some things up he texted Elliott, ‘How is Marcus? Do I need to come over?’

Elliott responded, ‘He’s doing well, thanks to you.’

‘Anything we can do for your family?’

‘Maybe come by in a couple hours.  Danny and Hannah are going to funeral home. Would like to go with them.’

‘Tell me what time.’ Justin responded just as Brian walked in and made a cup of coffee.  “Brian, I made you a plate.  Just leftovers but…”

“Not hungry,” he lifted his mug.  “This is all…”

“No, that is not all.  Sit.” Justin pointed to a stool and Brian sat down. He wasn’t being defiant.  It was more of a defeated gesture.

Justin set a plate down in front of him and then sat down next to him with his own food.  He made sure Brian was eating as he ate his own food and was relieved to see him continue until he cleared his plate.  Brian started to get up but Justin reached over and put his hand on Brian’s thigh, “Bri, please come with me to Dan and Marcus’ place later.  The kids are going to make arrangements and they would like us to come and stay with Marcus.”

“You don’t need me there.  Marcus will want you not... “ Brian took a deep breath and looked at Justin, “I don’t know if I can go there, knowing he’s not there anymore.”

Justin put his arms around him and they held each other, “I can’t imagine what Marc is going through.  I look at you and know my life would end when yours did and when you drank so much and then when I found you swimming I…” he leaned even closer into Brian.  “You aren’t 50 anymore.  You can’t drink like a fish and swimming that long and without me around… I can’t lose you.  I just can’t.” Justin’s lack of sleep and the emotional toll he felt being the supporter was catching up to him.

“Do we have time for a nap before going?” Brian said softly. “I’m sorry I didn’t come to bed last night. I missed waking up next to you.”  Together they walked to the bedroom and curled up together and drifted off.  

When it was time to go to visit Marc, Brian made an excuse that he had a headache so Justin went alone. The same pattern followed the next four days.  Brian would not go back to Dan’s house.  The memorial service was going to be held on Friday morning and by Thursday Justin knew he had to do something with Brian.  He was supporting both Marcus and Brian and he was exhausted.  Brian needed to go to the service.  He needed to see the closure or it would never be done for him.  

As they lay side by side in bed, their fingers were linked. “Brian, we will be leaving at 10:00 tomorrow morning.”

“I’m not going.”

Justin snapped at that moment. “Brian Kinney, you are going to this funeral.  Your best friend has left this world and if you don’t say goodbye you will regret it the rest of your life. And I need you there, too.  I can’t keep doing this Marcus needs me.  You need me but the two of you are worried the other will remind you of Dan.” By now his hands were flailing, “Dan would expect you to be there. You are going to be there!” With that, Justin got up and left the room. He moved through the dark house and ended up grabbing a blanket and going out on the front porch swing. He sat and looked over the vines and let himself cry.  He was emotionally tired.  Tomorrow would be an end but he knew they would have to find a new normal.

Brian got up and stood looking out at the pool. He pictured Dan sitting in his favorite chair holding a beer while Justin and Marcus hit a volleyball over a net in the pool.  He would be by the grill….damn he would miss that man but Justin was right, he had to say goodbye, even if he didn’t want to.  He had promised he would take care of Marcus and the kids and he hadn’t done any of that.  He had crawled into his own little world and let Justin deal with it.  He really was an asshole.  He had to go find his Sunshine.  

Slipping a robe on, Brian walked out of the room. Hell, he hated getting old.  He body made noises as he walked, not to mention the aches and pains. He thought he would find him in the living room but there was no one in there and then he saw the chain of the porch swing moving. He walked out and was glad to see Justin had a blanket wrapped around him. Then he heard the sobs softly emanating from him and sat down next to him, pulling him in close. 

“You have known for years you are married to a bastard. I was so absorbed by my own pain I …,” he reached up and using the belt of his robe he wiped away his tears. He brought his mouth down and brushed his lips against Justin’s. Justin held onto him like a small child holds onto a parent.  

“I’m sorry I lost it.  I just….I don’t know what to do for Marcus.  Tomorrow he will say goodbye to Dan’s physical body.  If it were me I would just crawl into the casket with you and die because there isn’t going to be a life if you aren’t in it. How is Marcus going to…?” He slipped his hand into Brian’s robe and began to stroke him, “Are you up to it?”

“You tell me,” Brian said as Justin’s attention was getting the response he hoped for. Brian stood up and offered his hand.  Together they walked into the house, locking the door behind them. 

Later, as Brian was still inside of him and holding Justin close, he softly said, “If Marcus wants to stay here for a bit, he may.  I am sure Hannah needs to go back to work in a week or two and Danny and Elliott have to get back to a normal life with their kids.”

“I love you, Brian. I think that will make Hannah feel a little better.  She wouldn’t want to put everything on Danny and she knows Marcus isn’t ready for this. He’s not ready to be alone.”

“I promised Dan he wouldn’t be alone.”

Brian and Justin arrived early.  Brian asked to leave a few minutes early so he could see Dan before the family arrived.  They approached the room Dan’s body was being held. Brian stopped and looked at Justin, “Do you mind if I have a couple minutes with him?”

“Sure, baby.” Justin kissed him and he watched Brian walk slowly to the front. Justin could almost see Brian get younger as he walked up to Dan.  He could picture them as the young men they were when they met. They were the brother neither of them had. Well, Justin remembered Dan had some family but they rejected him.  Brian was the brother he always wanted.

Brian stopped four feet away from the casket.  He looked at Dan, his best friend as an adult. He took a step closer.  Dan looked good.  They made him look healthier but not fake.  This was the Dan from before he was sick.  This was the man he wanted to remember.  He stepped closer and rested his hands on the casket edge, “Oh, Dan, I am going to miss you so much.  Who am I going to confide to when Justin is on my last nerve, even though I love him dearly? Oh, Dan….”

Justin heard the cars arrive outside so he walked to the front where Brian stood with his head resting on the cool, smooth edge of the casket.  “Brian, the family is here,” he draped his arm around his shoulders. “Are you ready to move to a chair?”

“I will always love you, Dan Reed.  There will never be another man that can hold a candle to you.” Brian bent and kissed Dan’s head and then rested his arm around Justin’s shoulders and they walked to chairs assigned to them in the family section just as Marcus and Hannah walked in.

The family had asked for the lid to be closed before the service so each of them spent a few moments saying goodbye and then the lid was closed. Hannah and Marcus held onto each other as they sat and waited for the service to begin.

Soon the room was full. Besides Gus and Brinn and their families, many of those present were former or current agents with Dan’s company. Tyler spoke first.  He talked about how meeting Dan changed his life and what an amazing teacher Dan was as he trained him over the years. Now as the president of the company he promised to do his best to keep the standards of the company as Dan would want him to.

Next, Hannah spoke. “I know the last thing Dad wanted was a baby but I think when he saw how much I looked like Daddy he couldn’t say no.  My biological dad had died in the accident but Dad made sure, even though he didn’t know her, he made sure my mother was cared for the rest of her life.  I was so fortunate to be saved by Danny and Brinn and that my dads chose me.  I am going to miss him so much and I know many of you will, too. Her eyes landed on Marcus, “He loved you so much, Daddy,”  and then her eyes moved to Brian “and he loved you, too, Brian.  You were the brother he never had. You always had his back and he knew that.” She took a deep breath and looked over at the closed casket, “Dad, thank you for letting me be your little girl.  I will always love you.” Tears rolled down her cheeks as she sat next to Marcus who held her close.

Danny came up next. “So Dad thought Marcus was nuts for wanting to take me on.  I was no prize.  I had been on the streets doing whatever I needed to do to survive when Marcus found me and refused to take no from Dad.  I still remember the first time he called me junior.  I knew he really loved me.  I knew this was my family and  when he promised me he would always protect me from the bad things in this world.  I never doubted that for a moment because if Dad said it, he meant it.  I will never forget the day they adopted me and I will never doubt the love this family has. Dad, If I can be half the man you are… “ as Danny started to crumble, Elliott went up and led him back to his seat.

“Is there anyone else who would like to speak?” the funeral director asked.

Brian stood and walked forward. “Neither Dan or I had families we could count on and I think that is why we were drawn to each other. Well, it was Dan’s family who lost out. He would have done anything for anyone he cared about.  I was fortunate enough to spend a couple days with him just before he passed away.  Marcus, that man loved you.  He was very worried about leaving you.  He made me promise to be here for your family. And Justin and I always will be.  Dan, I don’t know what is waiting for us on the other side but I am sure whatever is waiting for us, you will have a spot all ready for your Red and Justin and me.  Rest well my friend.”

The service wrapped up and close friends and family all went to Danny and Elliott’s for lunch.  George had set up a lunch buffet.  Justice went up to him and hugged him.  “Hi, Father George.”

“You know I hate it when you call me that.  I feel like people will think I’m a priest and my wife and kids wouldn’t want that rumor going around. Why don’t you come spend time with them one of these days.  You know you are always welcome.”

“Thanks, George.  I will try to do that soon.” She kissed his cheek and then seeing Zach coming up behind her she hugged him.  “Love you, Daddy.”

George smiled at Zach, “The two of you have done such an amazing job with her.  Thanks for 

sharing her a bit.”

“That’s the least we can do.”  Zach said as he picked up some food.

People ate and reminisced about Dan but soon people slowly thinned out.  Marcus had been talking to people throughout the afternoon and finally Justin made a plate of food for him and led him to a chair on the deck away from the few people that were still there.

“Justin, I couldn’t eat anything.” 

“Marc, yes you can.  You need to eat.  Don’t make Hannah worry about you.”

“I don’t want her to worry.  She needs to go on with her life soon but, Justin, I’m not sure how to go on.  I can’t even sleep in our room.”

“When Hannah goes back, Brian has already said you can stay with us as long as you need to.  It will take time and we will help you anyway we can.”

“I can keep busy during the day but at night… what do I do at night?”

“You’ll figure it out in time.”  

Marcus slowly ate some of the food and then he noticed Brian walking out by the office. “Justin, go be with Brian. My kids and grandkids will be around tonight.  He needs you, too.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow. Call if you need me.” Justin kissed his cheek and walked off the deck toward the other building.  Justin found Brian in Dan’s office. Even though he didn’t really work anymore, he still had popped in most days until he got too weak to do it.  Brian sat in his chair with his head laying on the desk.  “Bri, let’s go home.  I think it is time for both of us to relax and just be together.”

“Justin, if I leave it will seem so final.”

“Brian, death is final but just because he has left us we won’t forget him. We have memories from almost 45  years.  No one can take them from us.”

“I know you’re right. I know our lives have to go on but they are going to be so empty without him.” 

Justin held out his hand and Brian took it as they walked out of the office, waving at the agent working there. They strolled toward the car as Brian began to recall stories of some of their adventures together.  

They continued to talk all evening.  They had so many memories together.  As they got in bed that night and curled up against each other, fitting together perfectly as they always did, they talked about their physical encounter.  Dan and Marcus had always been generous lovers and the four together had so many pleasurable experiences together, they both agreed none of that would have occurred with anyone besides Dan and Marcus.  Their lives were so intertwined but although their cord had gone from four strands to three, three cords could still be really strong and that is what they had to remember.  

“He loved you, Brian.  At times I think he may have loved you a little too much but once he met Marc, he was complete just like we are complete.  And now, close your eyes and get some sleep.  I have a feeling we will be needed tomorrow.  Dan may have left this earth but all of his things didn’t.  It probably won’t be tomorrow but soon, Marc will need help going through so many things.

“I love you, Sunshine and I am going to say this now.  I’m sorry for everything I am going to put you through in the next few weeks.  I know I am going to become a crotchety old man sometimes.

“Going to become?” Justin winked at him, “I’m just kidding.  If you didn’t love so hard it wouldn’t hurt so much when you lose.” Justin kissed him on his upturned mouth and they closed their eyes to sleep.