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DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Author's Chapter Notes:

Trigger warning, talk of self-harm.

I just started this story and wrote 10000 words before I could take a break. This is the first of what I've already written.  I'm shaping up the next chaper of Free Falling right now. Please enjoy. 

 

 

 

“Don’t you think you should get out there and try dating again?” Michael asked, his voice was starting to get annoying.

Brian took a long pull from his beer before looking at his best friend. He wanted to be mad, but it was a fair question. When he had met Lindsay during their freshman year of college, he found a confidant. Then they decided to try sex with the opposite sex, because people do experiment during college, during their senior year. Well, accidents happen.

They only got married because Lindsay begged him. She needed the money from her parents and being an unwed mother was no way to endear her to her parents. He would have told her to fuck off, but she had his child she was leveraging.

Lindsay and he worked out a deal. They could fuck who they wanted, just not at the house. He also had to agree to sex with her a few times a year. Turned out, Lindsay was extremely fertile.

Around the fifth kid, he knew he was in for life. He wished he could say he learned to love her, but the truth was with every child he got more and more resentful. When she got pregnant with number ten, Leia, he was sure she was taking fertility medication to conceive so easily.

But the pregnancy didn’t go like the others. She was on bedrest from five months up. Then she went into labor six weeks early. Leia made it but Lindsay hemorrhaged and died.

Now he didn’t have to live his life in the closet, but who would want a man with ten kids? Not just any ten kids, but the world’s worst ten kids ever born.

He lived in a big house, but it still felt like it didn’t have enough room. Privacy was impossible. He had also gone through four housekeepers, three nannies and apparently one escaped convict who turned herself back in after a short time with his kids.

After a year of being a widower, people started asking when he would get out there again. Everyone now, knew he was gay, not just his close friends and family. Lindsay’s parents were still in the dark, but they barely saw the kids anyway, thankfully.

What he wanted now, and what he wanted years ago differed greatly. When he was in college, he never planned to settle down. Didn’t believe in love and didn’t want or need it. After years of marriage and ten children, he just wanted the real thing. The passion, the love, the need. It had been Lindsay’s plan to have so many children, he never wanted any. But when Gus was conceived, he gave in, he didn’t want his children to grow up like him.

He knew whoever the person he decided to spend the rest of his life with, it was going to be a male person. But that was the rub, having two kids would be a hard sell. Ten was insane.

“Drop it, Michael. I just want to sit here and have a drink.”

“Fine. I don’t get it though. Lindsay’s been gone three years. I thought you wanted to start dating.”

“Christ, Mikey, could you not say it like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like I’m some high school girl waiting for a date to prom.”

“We just want you happy,” Michael said, taking a drink of his beer.

“I am happy. I have my own agency that does very well. I have ten healthy and hap- well, they’re adjusted.”

“No, you’re content. I haven’t seen you happy, really and truly happy since the day you got your acceptance letter to Penn State.”

“Yeah, I think if anyone needs someone true, it’s you. How long has it been since you were with a guy longer than a trip to the backroom?” Emmett asked.

“College?” Brian asked, raising his eyebrow.

“College. Seriously, Brian, go on a date with a guy,” Michael said.

“And do what?”

“Figure it out,” Emmett said, grinning.

 

 


 

“Daphne, I should be home,” Justin complained on the phone.

He was sitting at a bar, trying to get Daphne to let him leave. She was being a hold out, making sure his kids were safe for the night. For some strange reason she thought he needed a night out by himself.

“One night isn’t going to traumatize them for life,” she growled on the phone. He could hear Mitch laughing in the background.

Justin rolled his eyes. Baby Bea had just gotten over a stomach bug. It made him worried the others might get sick. When one got sick, they all did. But he thought maybe they may escape it this time.

He hadn’t even known it was possible for a male to get pregnant when he first got pregnant. Apparently before he was even thought of being conceived a secret government experiment was used on the residents of Pittsburgh. It was placed into the water and still to this day the experiment is top secret. But a side effect they were not expecting was making five percent of male offspring conceived after the fact, able to conceive and carry children. On the outside, they looked like normal males, but inside was something that made a scientist dream come true. Thankfully, by the time he found out he was pregnant, he wasn’t close to being the first one. But it was still not talked about in decent company, his mother would say.

He had no clue though when he and his boyfriend had sex at fifteen that it was possible. Since he had no idea, he could get pregnant, he thought he was dying from a tumor. Not wanting to worry his parents, he wore big clothes hiding the huge bump.

He had been sitting in history class when he was hit by bone crushing pain. The school nurse called the ambulance when she saw his stomach. Krista was born via C-section later that day.

His father flipped his lid and said he and the baby weren’t welcome at his house.  His boyfriend’s mother let him, and the baby move in. Ethan wasn’t the love of his life, but he thought he could learn to love him like that. A year later, Nina was born. A year after that, Freddie was born. By that time, Ethan was pretty much a memory. Ethan had moved out and Justin could see Rita, Ethan’s mom wanted him out.

So, there he was at eighteen with three children. He wasn’t proud of what he did afterwards. He started hustling to feed his kids and put a roof over their heads.

Then he met George. He was one of Justin’s nicer clients. George had been in the closet his whole life until he was well into his golden years. George started paying him so much, he stopped taking other clients. That made it easier to know who the father was when he fell pregnant again. George had been ecstatic and moved Justin and the kids into his mansion.

Sadie was born on Christmas day. Three years later, George died while he and Justin were having sex. He had given Justin a gift just before he died…number five, Mitch.

George had left him and the kids a fortune. George’s family tried to get it back but Justin’s lawyer, George’s old one, buried them in court. Now he wouldn’t have to worry about his kids going hungry or being homeless.

He was able to get a decent sized house, and moved them all in. It wasn’t huge, all kids had to share but it was theirs. He was able to finish P.I.F.A., which he started when he moved in with George.

A one-night stand while he was celebrating, a broken condom and nine months later, Lucas was born. Lucas’ sperm donor was a nice but bland man who flattered Justin just when he needed it. He couldn’t be sure, but he thought his name was Ned or something like that.

A year later Ethan came back around. He swore he wanted to be a part of the kids’ lives. All that happened was he stole their vacation savings and left Justin carrying number seven, Hannah.

Then lastly, there was Baby Bea. Two years ago, he went to a Halloween party at Babylon. He had never gone before and wanted to see what it was like. He was dressed up as the Joker, Daphne had done his makeup. His kids couldn’t even recognize him. He met Batman at Babylon; they hadn’t left. Just going into the backroom, Batman didn’t even remove his mask. Not that Justin cared, all he wanted was one night of dirty fun. All he got was a hangover and a baby.

That was it for him, no more hookups. Because eight children were plenty enough. With his condition there was no real way to sterilize him without major risk and it seemed he was very fertile. He had dated a nice guy for a few weeks but when he told him about having eight kids, the guy ghosted him…fuck him.

 

 


 

Brian spotted a young blond sitting at the bar. The night seemed to be looking up. Usually, young, slim blonds weren’t his type. Most of the time he went for men near his own age with a bit of muscle.

“I’ll be right back, boys,” he said to Emmett and Michael. Ted was working late on Brian’s latest client.

“I thought we were going to hang out?” Michael whined.

“We will…later.”

He put his best swagger on, heading to the bar. The blond was still turned towards the bartender.

“Buy you a drink?” Brian asked.

The blond turned towards him; Brian was momentarily speechless at the smile of the man. Man was bit of a stretch though. “You are old enough to drink right?”

God, he had a seventeen-year-old, it would be sick if he were hitting on someone his son’s age.

The blond laughed. “I’m plenty old enough. Thirty on my last birthday.”

“Really?”

“Why would I lie about being thirty?” he asked with that captivating smile.

“You got me there.”

He hated to admit when he turned thirty. Now that he was on the other side of forty, he missed the good old days.

“Still want to buy me that drink?” the blond asked.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because I’m not some doe-eyed chicken?”

“If I wanted chicken I would go to KFC. Why don’t you join us at our table?”

There was that smile again, Brian thought it was addicting.

“That sounds nice.”

After ordering the blond’s drink, they made their way to the table.

“Well, hello, baby,” Emmett said in greeting.

“That’s Emmett and this is Michael. I’m Brian.”

“Hi, my name is Justin. It’s nice to meet all of you.”

“So, sweetie, what are you doing here all on your lonesome?” Emmett asked Justin.

“I don’t usually have time to go out. My friend is watching my kids, allowing me to get out.”

“You have kids?” Michael asked.

“Yep.”

“I’ve got kids, too,” Brian added, although leaving out how many.

“They’re something, aren’t they?” Justin said, smiling fondly.

“You can say that again.” Devils every last one of them.

The night went on, they talked about work, movies and even cars. Somehow how many children they had never came up, or any kid stories. If Brian didn’t know any better, he would say Justin was trying to stay away from the subject of kids too. They were so wrapped up in conversation he didn’t even notice when Michael and Emmett left.

“Oh, when did your friends leave?” Justin said, looking around.

“I don’t remember. I think you were talking about the difference in Expressionism and Fauvism.”

“Sorry, sometimes I can ramble on about art.”

“It’s alright, I found it illuminating.”

Brian smiled at the light blush on the other man’s cheeks. He watched as Justin looked at his phone and bit his lip.

“Oh, damn. I need to get home,” he said, apologetically.

Brian checked his watch and saw it really was quite late. He didn’t like leaving Gus in charge of all the kids for very long. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust his oldest son. Putting one in charge was like waving a red flag at the other.

“Yeah, me too. I’ve had fun tonight. Can we get together some other time?” he asked.

Justin smiled and handed his phone over. “Sure, put your number in.” Brian handed him his phone too, so he could do the same.

As he left, Brian couldn’t help but feel lighter. Justin already knew he had kids, and he had some as well. Maybe he wouldn’t run when Brian told him about his ten. Add Justin’s one or two kids to his, it might actually work. He had never felt such a quick bond with another person. Even his friendship with Mikey took several weeks to form and they were only fourteen.

 

 


 

Justin whistled as he parked his car in the driveway. He couldn’t ever remember having such a repour with someone. Brian was funny, sarcastic, gorgeous, and best yet, he had kids too. Justin knew eight kids was a lot to take but adding Brian’s two or three, that was a lot but maybe might work. It figures, after he swore off men, he would meet Mr. Right.

It was pretty late; Justin expected the kids to be in bed or at least their rooms. That’s not what he walked into.

“I’m going to kill you,” Krista, fifteen, was yelling as she pounded on the downstairs bathroom door. “Dad’s home. He’s gonna ground you for life.”

Daphne was sitting on the couch, holding Bea, one, on her lap. Hannah, three, was sleeping curled into Daphne’s side. The movie A Christmas Story was playing on the television.

“What’s going on?” Justin asked Daphne, sitting on the other side of Hannah on the couch.

“Nina.”

“What happened?”

“Nina read Krista’s personal journal. The world is ending.”

The Waltons had been a big fat lie. Siblings close together in age didn’t love being around each other. His fifteen-year-old and fourteen-year-old daughters were always at each other’s throats. Maybe that was the reason the other kids seemed to get along better. Krista was short, fair-skinned, blonde and socially awkward around non-family. Nina, tall, dark hair with an olive skin and very popular at school, she looked so much like her other father.

“Go on home, I guess I should give you combat pay.”

“There’s not enough money in world. Lucas and Mitch are in bed. Freddie is playing some online game in the computer room. Sadie is in her room reading. Hannah wouldn’t go to bed until you came home.” She stood up, causing Hannah to shift in her sleep and nestle into his side. Daphne handed him Bea, who looked far from tired.

“Thanks, be careful going home.”

“Bye, and good luck.”

He waited a while after she left before moving. Hannah didn’t even shift at all the screaming and banging on the door that Krista did.

Standing up, this time Hannah woke up. “Go on up to bed, I’ll be there soon to tuck you in.”

She groggily nodded her head and headed up the stairs. He left and went into the office which they used as a computer room. Freddie, thirteen, was on the computer playing some video role playing game.

“Freddie, I need your help getting Bea to sleep.”

“One more minute. Please, Dad.”

“Fine but once I’ve changed her diaper and made her bottle, I expect you to be done.”

“Great, thanks, Dad.”

Justin left, went about getting everything ready for Freddie to take her to bed. Krista and Nina share a room. Freddie, Mitch and Lucas share one. Sadie and Hannah share. That left Bea in his room with him. When she got older, she would share with Hannah and Sadie.

Once he was finished, Freddie took Bea and went upstairs to get her to sleep. Now he had to deal with what he had been putting off since he got home.

“KRISTA!” he yelled over her yelling. “STOP!”

She turned and glared at him. “Do you know what she did?” she asked, tears now running fiercely down her face.

“Aunt Daphne told me.”

“Then why aren’t you yelling at her?” she said, pointing at the door.

“First, I need you to go upstairs. I will talk to you after I get done talking to her.”

“Fine, but she better be in trouble for life,” she said before stomping up the stairs.

Once he heard her door slam, he knocked on the bathroom door. “Come out now, we have to talk.”

Nina opened the door and slinked out. Her eyes were red from crying, which was surprising, she was his tough one.

“Why did you read her journal?”

“I was worried. She’s getting sadder. I just wanted to make sure she wasn’t hurting herself anymore.”

Justin’s chest ached. They had found out Krista self-harmed a year ago. She was in counselling and everything now but he still worried. It had been Nina who had walked in on Krista while she was cutting. He knew where Nina was coming from, but this was about Krista’s privacy and comfort. She was talking to him honestly and last time she said was it was a struggle, but she hadn’t in months and her psychologist said to trust her more if she was speaking honestly to him. Rebuild the bond of trust that had been lost.

“I know you worry, I do too. But you can’t invade her privacy. You can always talk to her and ask her if she’s alright. But this wasn’t the way to do it. You’re grounded for a week for invading her privacy, but five days are suspended for your heart being in the right place.”

“So just the weekend?”

“Yeah. I love you, you know that, right?”

“Of course, Dad. I just wish Krista would be alright. I know something is making her sad, but she just won’t tell us. I think if she did, she would be happier.”

“I know. We just have to go at her speed though, right?”

Nina nodded and headed upstairs. Problems, fights and all he still had the best kids that ever existed.

 

 


 

All the lights in the house were on when he pulled up. He wasn’t sure he wanted to go in. It was late, half of the kids should be asleep by now, but he doubted it. His mind drifted to a hot beach with a hot blond, Justin would look good getting sun on some tropical island.

The front door shot open and three of his kids ran out the door. He saw one holding a cell phone. The other two were chasing her. He considered getting back in his car and driving away, the family would make sure the kids were taken care of. He could be in a plane on his way to hole himself up in a shack somewhere in the middle of Siberia before they knew it.

“Dad, save me,” Mindy, his twelve-year-old daughter, screeched as she hid behind him.

Lola, his fifteen-year-old daughter and Adam, his thirteen-year old son came to a stop in front of him, glaring at Mindy, who was peeking around him.

“What’s going on?” He was too tired for this. It was late and if it weren’t for the well-lit driveway, he wouldn’t have seen the scene very easily.

“She took a picture of me,” Lola said, her hands on her hips. Lola was tall, thin with dark blonde hair. She had begged Brian to let her model and he finally gave in after she turned fifteen. She also had a few social media pages that were pretty popular. Brian had all the information to all of them, he told her it was the only way he would allow it. He wasn’t really worried about her; she was more like him than Lindsay. One day she would be a shark at whatever career she picked.

“What kind of picture?” he asked. He didn’t trust his kids not to try and post inappropriate pictures of each other to upset them.

“She was eating chips and watching a movie,” Mindy sneered. “She had food all over her face.”

“And?” He didn’t see a problem with this.

“She’s going to post it. Everyone will see me…eating.”

She was as vain as he was, and he wasn’t sure he could do anything about it.

Looking at Mindy. “Delete the picture.”

“But Dad,” she whined.

“Now. You wouldn’t like someone taking pictures of you and posting them without your permission, would you?” He then looked at Adam. “What’s your dog in this fight?”

“It’s my phone.”

“Where’s yours?” Brian asked Mindy.

“Umm…I kind of lost it.”

“I knew you were too young for one. Give your brother his phone, Adam delete the picture and Lola, eating isn’t a crime.” He knew she didn’t have an eating problem, but she was extremely cautious of what she ate. But she did allow herself treats when watching movies which she rarely did. He didn’t want that to stop because she was scared a sibling would embarrass her. It already felt like his three oldest had one foot out the door, he didn’t want it to happen faster than it should.

As he walked inside, he wished he were on that plane again. The house was a disaster. Not wanting to deal with it after such a relaxing night, he headed upstairs. Tomorrow was Saturday and they could clean then. His mind went back to the blond man from earlier. Justin. He hadn’t ever felt that instant attraction on a deeper level, but he had with him. He wondered if it was too soon to call about a date.

 

 

 

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