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Story Notes:

Decided to post the first chapter a little early. Please be warned that this story has some very depressing and upsetting themes that may trigger some readers. 

Author's Chapter Notes:

Emmett and Drew drive to Philadelphia.

Emmett had been too nervous to drive.

 

He learned to drive late. Twenty-Eight. He had never known how when he needed it the most - back in Hazlehurst where there was often no way to get around but the power of his own two feet and the sheer hope that they would be enough to get him to the stifling minimum wage job on Main Street almost two miles away. It had been a job he hated, but it was one he would forever be thankful for. It had gotten him a bus ticket to Jackson and, more importantly, a GreyHound from Jackson to Pittsburgh. It let him never look back. It let him find a real family. A family who had eventually taken it upon themselves to teach him how to drive.

 

Michael had tried first. But they didn’t really have a vehicle to work with at the time, only one that had belonged to Vic, one that had gone to shit a couple of weeks after starting.

 

Ted had tried next. But Ted just expected him to know things that he hadn’t. Ted also panicked every time Emmett tried to parallel park. But he had helped. Emmett got the basics down with him.

 

It had been Brian, out of every person it could have been, who had made sure Emmett was confident enough to take the test. He also gave Emmett the most practice, despite Emmett never owning a car until he was 31. Someone had to make sure Brian got home when he was too drugged up to function. It’s strange to compare that Brian to the one he knows now.

 

But despite that enlightening practice, Emmett has never loved driving like some men did. His business is more successful than he could have predicted. He can hire people to drive the vans and trucks. He lives in an area where public transport is the norm. He drives when he has to. To pick up friends or Drew from the airport, to drive Duncan to and from if there are too many transfers that he doesn’t want to put his son through. Other than that, he still keeps his driving to a minimum, even when he’s feeling happy and confident about his day.

 

And right now? With his heart racing as he tries not to go into a complete panic? It is an effort to even sit in the passenger seat without fidgeting too much.

 

Leaving the driving to Drew had probably been the right choice. But Emmett still feels a spike of guilt when occasionally sees his partner’s hands shake as they hold onto the wheel. Seeing the unshed tears that glisten in the man’s eyes, ones that probably mirror his own, make him feel useless.

 

Imagining how Brian must have felt as he made this same drive, probably not even seven hours ago, makes Emmett feel fucking sick.

 

“We don’t know anything yet,” Drew tells him gruffly, sniffling once, “We don’t know shit. They could pull through and be alright.”

 

Emmett swallows around the lump in his throat and presses his head back against the headrest, “Brian would have been able to call if it wasn’t serious. The doc...the doctor told us he was too distraught to speak. That Eric and Lily are in Intensive Care but what else? He could fucking tell us that, but nothing else? Why couldn’t he just tell us?”

 

A silence fills the car and Emmett knows that Drew knows no more than he does. He shouldn’t put that question on him, especially when that same question has to be running through his partner’s mind as well.

 

“...It’s probably a HIPAA thing,” Drew finally responds, “Remember when I got hurt in my last game and was unconscious? And all the doctor told you was that I was sent to the ER and you needed to be there?”

 

“I fucking hated that doctor,” Emmett gasps out, breath hitching, “But John called to tell me what was going on. He dropped the game to go with you and stayed until Scott and I flew in. I knew what was going on and there were more people there than you knew what to do with. Brian...Brian’s alone.”

 

Drew lets out a sad sigh, takes one hand off the wheel, and laces his fingers with Emmett’s.

 

“We’ll be there soon. We’ll make sure he isn’t alone.”

 

Emmett squeezes Drew’s hand tight and wipes at his eyes, “What if...What if they don’t make it? What if they’re already gone?”

 

Drew frowns and shakes his head, “You can’t think like that. They’re in Intensive Care. They’re not dead.”

 

“You saw the news,” Emmett cries, before covering his eyes with his free hand, “You saw how many people have already died, how serious some of the injuries are. It's not fucking fair! This kind of shit already happened to us once. Babylon was enough. It was cruel and terrifying but at least we knew...we KNEW the reason why they did it. Who does this? What kind of m-monsters cause a full train to derail, filled with people, all types of people they don't even know? Who...W-Who fucking shoots people at random, execution style, once it's crashed? Oh, god. Lily. She must have been so scared-”

 

Emmett doesn't know what would have come out of his mouth next, other than the muffled sob. His whole depressing and frightening thought process is interrupted when Drew lets go of his hand and swerves over to the side of the road to put the car in park.

 

“Listen to me,” Drew orders softly, “Are you listening?”

 

The question makes him feel more emotional. Any surge of exasperated affection that would have normally transpired in response to Drew borrowing Brian’s words is drowned by the sorrow and sheer confusion regarding what is currently going on with the man who has become his best friend.

 

But, despite that, Emmett forces himself to meet Drew’s eyes, “...I’m listening.”

 

“We need to stay as positive as we can. Try to stay strong for Brian. For Eric and Lily. It's useless to get worked up about what we don't know yet.”

 

And Emmett knows that. He knows. But it's hard when Brian won't answer the phone. Won't even text him back any type of hint on what's going on. It's hard because Eric is his friend too, and a close one at that. He loves him and Lily...Lily. Other than Duncan, he's never felt closer to another child. And how could he not? Duncan looks at her as if the sun and earth revolved around her mere presence.

 

“I know,” Emmett chokes out, “But god, Drew. What if...what if it is as bad as it seems? How can Brian even begin to handle that? And Duncan...I can’t stand the idea of...of making him go through...through-”

 

“Don't say it,” Drew interrupts in a harsh whisper, “Please.”

 

And Emmett, despite his thoughts flying through his head 100 miles a minute, despite wanting to voice those horrific and terrifying thoughts further, manages to stop when he hears the emotion brimming over in that request. He knows blabbering about the stress and heartache further won't do any good. It won't ensure that Lily and Eric are healthy and safe. It won't take away whatever is making Brian too distraught to speak.

 

And it won't help Drew focus on the road until they get to the hospital to provide any bit of support they can.

 

“Just update Kendra on our progress,” Drew suggests, before pulling back onto the road, “Maybe tell her...tell her to use the car to take Duncan down the street for breakfast when he wakes up. Get her to try keeping him occupied for the day. She...She shouldn’t take him into the city. We don’t know what’s going on right now. It’s too dangerous. He’s been wanting to build a snowman. They can do that in the yard. There should be enough on the ground from yesterday.”

 

Emmett lets out a breath and stares ahead sadly.

 

“He wanted to do that with Lily.”

 

Drew bites his lip and nods his head once, “Yeah. I know.”

--------------------------------------------------------

They arrive in Philadelphia at 8am and manage to find a parking spot at the top of the parking garage not too long after. They take the elevator down to the ground floor and walk through the main entrance. It brings back memories of the bombing and waiting to find out about Michael, but it’s even worse this time around. There are more families sobbing in the waiting room, it’s more crowded, and somehow his fear is double to what it was back then. And it had been terrible with Michael. Maybe it’s because there are two people near and dear to him at risk due to this. Maybe it’s because Lily’s a child and just the thought of putting Duncan in her place makes him struggle to breathe. Maybe it's because he doesn't have to replace that girl with his own child. He loves her and the thought of her being hurt or worse…

 

They don’t even get to see Brian immediately. He and Drew look throughout the waiting rooms inside the main building as well as the emergency room and come up with nothing. The nurses are so swamped that the looks they get whenever they ask about Eric and Lily Davisson-Kinney are just met with sympathetic but slightly exasperated stares, before they’re told that their request will have to wait a few moments.

 

A few moments end up being an hour and a half.

 

In that time, Emmett wonders if Brian had called anyone else, if he ever managed to call Cynthia or Gus or Michael or Eric’s family. Emmett wonders if he should get started by calling the first three. But what could he say to them, except the same cryptic information he was given at 4:30 in the morning? He still had nothing else to go off of-

 

“Emmett,” Drew nudges him, before standing up.

 

Emmett looks up and practically jumps out of his seat when a doctor approaches them.

 

“I'm sorry for your wait, Mr. Boyd, Mr. Honeycutt,” he nods in acknowledgement, “I’m Dr. Leeson. You said you were here for Eric and Lily Davisson-Kinney?”

 

“Yes. Yes, we are the family’s ICEs and they’re ours,” Emmett tells her in a rush, “Brian, Eric’s husband, has been a close friend of mine for twenty years. Do you know where he is? With Lily or with Eric? Is he-?”

 

“It would be best if you followed me,” the doctor interrupts, already turning to head towards the double doors.

 

Emmett feels his heart hammering in his chest as he grips onto Drew’s hand, before following Dr. Leeson through the double doors. They walk down the corridor several feet before arriving at the elevators.

 

“Last time I saw him, your friend was with his daughter,” the doctor informs them, “She's in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit and has been there for a few hours. As far as I know, he hasn't left that unit. I only went over there an hour or so ago to deliver information about Eric.”

 

The doors to the elevator open and they walk down a hall of the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit. Emmett all but bumps into Dr. Leeson when he stops in front of the door.

 

“Normally, Mr. Kinney would explain to you what is currently going on with his husband and daughter,” Dr. Leeson tells him gravely, “In cases like this, it is best to sit the family down and explain what exactly happened, show scans, give them time to process, then they take it from there in terms of keeping their loved ones informed. Mr. Kinney’s not...he's not processing well. Not very many of the families of the victims are. I've had to deliver news about the same patients multiple times to different people. This is...This is unprecedented for all of us here, so I apologize for the lack of a more sensitive and formal announcement.”

 

“Please,” Emmett chokes out, “Just tell us what's going on.”

 

The doctor breathes out, “I have to get permission from Mr. Kinney first. Give him the option to tell you himself or to veto it.”

 

Without another word, Dr. Leeson turns into the next room, with Emmett and Drew hesitantly following.

 

Fuck. Fuck.

 

Lily...Lily has always been on the petite side, but her boisterous and eccentric personality has always shone through. Seeing her so small, unconscious and hooked up to machines and tubes, braces on her right arm and right leg, bruises on her face and forehead, bandages around one of her thighs, it chills Emmett to the bone.

 

“Oh, Lily,” he manages to choke out, clutching his chest, “Oh, sweetheart.”

 

He can’t help but walk closer to the little girl’s form, wanting to reach out and touch her, comfort her in some way. But he doesn’t. The way she looks, frail and vulnerable, makes him feel like he could break her further.

 

It’s when he does finally take his eyes off her that he sees Brian.

 

He’s never seen a man look more broken than Brian looks right now.

 

Brian isn’t crying, not really, at least. Emmett can tell that his friend had at one point, hard, enough to make his eyes red and puffy. But now? Emmett’s not even sure Brian realizes that they’re there. All Brian is doing is staring out into space, with wet eyes and his mouth partially open, clutching onto the hand connected to Lily’s good arm. It fucking hurts to watch.

 

“Sweetie?” Emmett sniffles, coming over to put a hand on his shoulder, “Drew and I drove down here as soon as they called us. We don’t know much, but we’re worried out of our wits. Can you tell us what’s going on with Lily and Eric?”

 

If Brian hears them, he doesn’t show it, doesn’t even move an eye to glance at them. But Emmett can’t give him the time to process that they’re here. He wants to give him at least that, but he can’t.

 

Emmett grabs a seat about five feet away and sits it next to Brian. He puts an arm around him, then leans in and kisses his friend’s cheek.

 

“Honey, I know you’re devastated and terrified right now, but if you could let me know what’s going on, Drewsie and I can make some calls, let the family know, let Eric’s friends and his family know. Can you at least give the doctor permission to tell us if you can’t say it right now?”

 

Brian takes a moment, but subtly nods his head, expression unchanged.

 

“Let’s go back out into the hall,” Dr. Leeson murmurs.

 

Emmett feels his stomach twist into a knot, before he swallows around the lump in his throat and nods his head. He presses his forehead against Brian’s temple in an attempt to show some solidarity, then follows Drew and Dr. Leeson out into the hall. As Drew puts an arm around Emmett’s waist and tightens his grip, Dr. Leeson opens his mouth to speak, but breaks eye contact.

 

“Dr. Laghari?” Dr. Leeson asks, waving her over, “I have a couple who are close friends with Mr. Kinney. They’re the ICEs and Mr. Kinney gave consent on us telling them on his husband’s and daughter’s statuses.”

 

Unlike Dr. Leeson, Dr. Laghari looks a bit annoyed by having to recite the same information. While her expression annoys Emmett, he supposes he can also understand it. She looks busy, sad, and stressed, and it probably isn’t the most appealing thing in the world to be the bearer of any type of negative news.

 

“Will you both be able to tell everyone else who needs to know what’s going on? We’re incredibly busy right now. I understand Mr. Kinney is in shock and was understandably inconsolable earlier-”

 

“They get it, Dr. Laghari,” Dr. Leeson mutters under his breath.

 

“We’ll tell everyone who needs to know,” Emmett promises, trying not to feel offended on Brian’s behalf, “I realize this has happened with multiple families, so we’ll take it from here.”

 

Dr. Laghari nods and her expression takes on a softer and more sympathetic look, then flips through her chart, “Lily...Lily was brought to us with contusions, multiple fractures in her legs and one in her arm, and a wound that punctured her femoral artery, which resulted in pretty severe blood loss. Someone made her a tourniquet, Dr. Leeson believes it was her father since the fabric matches the torn shirt he was wearing. If he hadn’t done this, she would have undoubtedly died. All of her injuries seem to have occurred in the crash itself. We performed emergency surgery on the artery, and made inquiries about getting her bags of her blood type brought up. Shortly before her transfusion, her body went into Hypovolemic Shock. Her heart rate briefly flatlined so an ECG was conducted...Mr. Kinney happened to run back, without permission, to the OR around this time to witness this, which left him obviously distressed. Due to the painful nature of her injuries, as well as the blood loss and her age, I decided to keep her strongly sedated, in a medically induced coma, so that she can heal at least over the next few days or so. We ran a few tests on her and her organs do seem to be in working condition, despite the close calls she had, and her fractures are fortunately clean breaks that shouldn't cause her issues, discomfort, or any physical disability in the long run. We’re not out of the woods yet, but I’m hesitantly hopeful she’ll wake up and eventually make a full recovery.”

 

Emmett wipes the tears from his face and can see Drew from the corner of his vision wiping at his eyes as well.

 

“So do you mean that something else could happen?” Emmett asks with a hitched breath.

 

“She...There’s always a chance that a patient could take a turn for the worse with blood loss, especially with someone so young. But, like I said, I’m hesitantly hopeful,” the doctor finally answers, “Now, I do have other patients and families to attend to, but I can answer questions later on if need be.”

 

Dr. Laghari took off down the hall for another room before Emmett could say anything else.

 

“She’ll be alright,” Drew whispers, holding him, “She’s the strongest kid we know, next to Duncan. Hell, this probably knocks him off first place.”

 

Emmett tries to laugh at that, he does, but it turns into a sob and he covers his face with his hands. Drew puts a hand on the back of his neck, and pulls down to let Emmett rest his head against his shoulder so that he can stroke his back. God, he just wants to stay there forever.

 

Eric. Eric.

 

“Dr. Leeson?” Emmett asks through a stuffy nose as he picks his head back up, “You worked on Eric? How is he?”

 

Dr. Leeson looks down and it’s the first time that Emmett can see how young he looks, probably just a few years out of residency. He looks so affected, unjaded. It makes Emmett’s heart hurt but it also makes his pulse quicken, because the doctor looks so sad. God, please no-

 

“Eric’s injuries from the crash itself were mild to moderate. He seems to have been able to think fast and save his daughter. But...as you may have heard, the perpetrators had guns and were on scene. Eric was shot in the back of the head and the bullet damaged his brain stem. His heart was barely beating when he arrived, it’s shocking it was beating at all, so we hooked him up to life support and performed the operation...but a wound to that area of the brain is almost always fatal. He’s still on life support but there’s no brain activity. He...He’s not going to get better from this. The machine is keeping him alive, and can continue to do so in order for his friends and family to say their goodbyes. I’m very sorry.”

 

The doctor’s voice starts to tunnel out in Emmett’s ears near the end of the speech. He doesn’t know how to react to the news. All he can do is stand there and stare. He can hear Drew crying, which strikes Emmett as strange because he’s always cried much more than Drew.

 

“And Brian k-knows this information, right?” Drew asks Dr. Leeson, “I mean, he understood? He seems to be out of it right now.”

 

“...The news has seemed to take a toll on him,” Dr. Leeson sighs, “But yes, he knows. Be there for him. Call anyone who can support him right now. He needs it. I need to go back to my unit, check on my other patients. If there are any other developments, I will have someone come by to let you know.”

 

With that, Dr. Leeson departs and heads back to the elevator.

 

Emmett feels himself shaking, but he doesn't know what he's actually feeling, not really. Shock? Is this how Brian feels right now? He knows the thought is ignorant as soon as it crosses his mind. Of course it isn't. Lily may almost feel like another child to him and Eric may be...may have been, fuck...one of his closest friends; but Lily is Brian’s daughter, a daughter he had to watch flatline, only to get the news that he would need to make arrangements for his brain dead husband.

 

He is afraid to even attempt putting himself in Brian’s place. Especially with Drew standing there, flush against his side.

 

“...We should make some calls,” Emmett announces, pushing the intense emotions back. Those can be saved for later, when people have been called and plans have been made.

 

“Emmett,” Drew chokes out, grabbing his wrist, “Fuck, take some time to-”

 

“Brian is the one who needs time,” Emmett interrupts, “Planning...Planning is what I am good at. It will keep me occupied and it needs to be done. I’m not going to plan anything serious without him, but I can at least call our family and let...and let Eric’s family know once Brian says that’s okay.”

 

Gently, Emmett breaks free from his partner’s grasp and pulls out his phone.

------------------------------------------------------------

Out of everyone he ends up calling, Cynthia takes it the hardest.

 

He should have started out with Lily being alive. He hates himself for not doing that. Because, when he had gotten to the part about Lily’s heart stopping, Cynthia had dropped the phone and wailed. He had to hang up and call her back three times, until she finally picked the phone back up, to explain everything.

 

Not that everything makes it okay.

 

And Gus...he hadn’t talked to Gus. Emmett had spoken with Lindsay, so that she could break the news to him in person. She called him back an hour ago to let Emmett know they were driving to Philadelphia as soon as they packed their bags. When Emmett asked how Gus was doing, Lindsay couldn’t get past the lump in her throat to answer.

 

Pretty much everyone is coming in. Emmett booked hotel rooms all over the city, something that had been difficult, due to other grieving and terrified families trying to make it in to lend their support or say their goodbyes.

 

He doesn’t know if Brian will appreciate everyone here or not. Emmett would need to make sure no one would crowd him or push him too hard.

 

Even Emmett finds that he has to make sure not to push him. He almost asked Brian if he wanted to go sit with Eric while he and Drew stayed with Lily, but he didn’t know how his friend would take the offer.

 

Because, honestly...Brian looks like he’s seconds away from shattering. Part of Emmett wishes he just would. The anticipation of the heartbreaking inevitable is making him feel sick.

 

“Brian?” Emmett clears his throat as he comes back into Lily’s room, “You’ve...You’ve been here since the middle of the night and haven’t slept a wink. I booked some hotel rooms and got you one at the hotel across the street. Would you like me or Drew to drop you off over there?”

 

It’s a stupid question, one that Emmett already knows the outcome to. Brian hasn’t said one word since they got to the hospital three hours ago. He hasn’t cried or screamed or punched a wall or spoken to his comatose daughter.

 

“Brian,” Emmett prompts a little louder, stepping closer.

 

“Don’t,” Brian rasps out, voice not above a hoarse whisper, “Lily’s resting.”

 

Shit. Shit.

 

Emmett turns to look at Drew; his partner looks just as alarmed as Emmett feels. What can he even say to that?

 

Drew gets out of the other chair in the room, before coming to put a hand on Brian’s shoulder.

 

“Emmett and I are going to go down and get you something to eat from the cafeteria. We won’t be gone long. We’re right here if you need to talk, alright?”

 

As expected, Brian doesn't answer.

 

“Should we leave him alone?” Emmett whispers as soon as they close the hospital room door.

 

Drew looks down, “He's not alone. He has his kid. Come on. We’ll get him something that won't go bad too quickly.”

 

It might be selfish, but they do end up eating down there, if you can call it that. Emmett downs his coffee within minutes, but only picks at his croissant. Drew bugs him about that, tells him he needs to eat, but Drew doesn't do a great job at eating his own meal either.

 

They bring Brian up a couple of pastries, as well as coffee and juice. He knows it might be deceptive, but he filled the coffee cup with decaf, in hopes that Brian might let himself give in and sleep a little bit, even if it is in the chair next to Lily’s bed.

 

But Brian doesn't touch the coffee or the food. He doesn't fall asleep or even rest his eyes. He just sits there.

 

It's the saddest thing Emmett has ever seen.

-----------------------------

It takes seven more hours for Brian to stand up.

 

In those seven hours, Emmett has both made and fielded phone calls. He talked to Eric’s sister, who became practically hysterical but did confirm she would break the news to her brother and her parents. He had called Rick, who didn't even register what he was telling him the first couple of times. That had frustrated Emmett, but he knows what Eric and Rick mean to each other. What Eric had done for Rick when his whole family died. It hurts to think about what's going through the man’s head right now.

 

Throughout that whole time, Brian just sits there next to Lily, silent. Drew had managed to get permission to sit with Eric. Even though Eric isn't with them mentally anymore, even though Eric would want Brian to stay with Lily, it felt wrong for him to lie in his room during his last days alone.

 

And that thought manages to choke Emmett up for the first time since they found out about Lily.

 

It also keeps him from being able to go past the doorway whenever he is walking back to check on Drew. The sight of the bandages wrapped around Eric’s head and the tube down his throat, the way Eric barely even looks like himself, doesn't help matters either.

 

“Cynthia...Cynthia just arrived at the airport. God knows how she got a flight. Everyone else has to drive in. They've canceled several to and from Philly,” Emmett tells Drew, hanging back as he tries not to look at Eric.

 

“Cynthia seems like the type who can talk her way into getting the impossible,” Drew answers softly, “Any news?”

 

Emmett shakes his head, “Not much. Everyone from Toronto is on their way, except for Ben, Felix, and JR. Ben’s sister is trying to rearrange her schedule so that she can come in and watch the baby.”

 

Drew nods, “Speaking of, what are we going to do about Duncan?”

 

Emmett sighs, “I don't know. Kendra said she could stay at the house until tomorrow. Scott and Reina are in Florida until next month so we can't ask them. Maybe Justin would be willing to stay at the house? I'd hate to ask him, since he's gotten close with Eric. And Brian. I don't want him to think he can't be here. Maybe Hunter and Molly? But...fuck, they literally just moved up a couple of days ago. They're probably exhausted and Michael might need Hunter here-"

 

“We'll figure it out. Even if it is just for a couple of days. I know...I know Duncan needs to know what's going on. This is going to affect his life too. If we can just find someone to watch him just until we're home or when we know it's safe to get him here with us, especially if we are going to stay until Brian...” Drew trails off, suddenly looking utterly helpless.

 

“Brian...Brian isn't at the point where he can make decisions yet," Emmett says slowly, "A doctor came in and said that an EMS company could potentially transfer Lily to a hospital in New York if she’s stable in a few days and it's safe. But...with Eric on life support…”

 

Emmett glances at Eric as the lump forms in his throat, before quickly turning away.

 

“Brian’s going to have to make a decision if he decides to get Lily closer to home,” Drew finishes, heaviness in his voice.

 

“And every outcome is shitty. What can he do? Keep Eric alive on a machine but leave him here? Pick up and move to Philadelphia and fight a losing battle to keep him alive?”

 

“We both know it can't be either of those things,” Drew answers, “Eric wouldn't want that. He lived his life fully. He’d want Brian to try to do the same.”

 

Emmett bites back a sob as Drew reaches over to pat Eric’s hand, only once, before taking a hold of it.

 

“And Lily, she’d do better closer to home. Brian might be able to rest a little better...might be able to work on his...his grieving process a little sooner. Fuck, I don't know.”

 

Emmett stays silent for a moment at Drew’s words, before wiping his eyes.

 

“...I know that's the only decision really on the table. But why does it have to be that way?”

 

Drew huffs out a humorless laugh, “Because life is anything but fair. Why would death be any different?”

-------------------------------

Emmett goes down to the lobby to meet Cynthia when she arrives. She's dressed as if he pulled her out of an important meeting. Considering the time he called her, he wouldn't be that surprised if he had. A skirt that must have been perfectly ironed and pressed just a few hours ago is now wrinkled and worn from the plane. Her hair is slightly tousled, but it is the expression on her face that tells him what she is feeling.

 

“Where are they?” Is the first thing she says to him, foregoing any initial greetings, not that he can blame her.

 

“Children’s ICU. Eric is on the opposite side of the building. Drew’s with him right now. Sweetie-” Emmett starts, but is cut off by Cynthia walking right past him.

 

She does manage to let him lead the way, once she must silently realize she doesn't know how to get there. If it were a less grave situation, a less heartbreaking one, Emmett might tease her for her boss lady, take charge ways, but he can't. Not with something like this.

 

Despite Cynthia’s determination to see Lily and Brian, she freezes as soon as she's outside of the door. She raises her fist to knock, as if there’s a possibility that she won't be welcome, but Emmett reaches out to gently catch her fist.

 

“You can walk in,” Emmett tells her, still holding onto her hand.

 

Cynthia lets out a sigh, nods, and opens the door.

 

Emmett watches from the doorway as Cynthia slowly makes her way in, shuddering breaths coming out from the usually composed woman’s core, reaching out for her daughter as she slowly makes her way to the bed.

 

“Honey?” She cries, cradling the little girl’s face, before bending down to press a kiss against her forehead, “Oh, sweetheart…”

 

And, after Cynthia starts crying into Lily’s hair and chokes out heartbroken apologies, it’s then that Brian gets up.

 

Cynthia stands at full height and walks quickly over to Brian, throwing her arms around his neck to pull him into a tight embrace.

 

Emmett watches Brian hesitate, before hugging Cynthia’s waist just as tight. When Brian lets his eyes close, a few silent tears escape and his expression starts to crumple.

 

Emmett quietly backs out of the room and closes the door.

------------------------------------

Their family starts to filter in later in the evening. Exhausted due to the traffic and random security checks, restless and heartbroken due to the reason why they drove here in the first place. Teddy and Blake make it first. While Blake does offer Brian his condolences and checks to see if the man needs anything (it's a question that Brian just shakes his head to) before giving Drew a break by sitting with Eric, he mainly stays in the lobby after that.

 

“I can check on everyone’s progress. Make sure they get checked into their rooms okay,” Blake tells him, “Emmett, you look exhausted. Take a break.”

 

“I don't need a break-” Emmett starts to object, but Ted grabs onto his shoulder to turn him around.

 

“You do,” he insists, starting to pull, “Blake’s right. You are barely standing on your feet. Let me drive you back to the hotel so that you can take a nap with your husband.”

 

“We’re not married,” Emmett answers tiredly, running a hand over his face, already feeling stubble growing in from not shaving this morning.

 

“You're close enough,” Ted answers, “Come on. Just give yourself two hours. I promise you can come back.”

 

It takes a minute, but Emmett gives in and follows Ted out of the hospital.

 

“Give me a minute,” Emmett suddenly requests, stopping in his tracks, “I haven't gotten any fresh air today...I just need a minute.”

 

Ted studies Emmett for a moment with concern, before walking over to put a hand on his back.

 

“How are you holding up?” Ted asks him, rubbing him in between his shoulder blades.

 

Emmett looks at Ted with tired eyes, “What do you mean?”

 

“...Eric is one of your best friends. And Brian...Brian is your best friend,” Ted answers with hesitation.

 

“No one can replace you, Teddy,” Emmett feels the need to say. And it’s true. No one can. But what Ted is saying is true as well.

 

“I appreciate that,” Ted mumbles, shaking his head, “But I’m worried about you. You’ve broken horrific news to everyone in the family, have made so many arrangements so that they can be here for Brian. I think you haven’t taken what’s going on in your own head and heart into account.”

 

Emmett stands there in silence for a moment, staring out into the dark, cloudy sky.

 

“...I can’t really go there right now,” Emmett manages to answer, his voice dull and lifeless.

 

Ted keeps looking at him, “Why not? We’re out here. You’re taking a break. If you keep it bottled up, you’ll shatter. Or become Brian Kinney.”

 

Emmett breathes in unevenly as his mouth forms into a grimace, “Eric and I have been shopping for the b-baby. You...You know Brian. He enjoys shopping but he's such a label queen. It can get on Eric's nerves. And Drew, he can only put up with so many malls and boutiques. So Eric and I...we’ve been spending a day a week looking for clothes and toys and decor. Sometimes we don’t buy anything at all, he and Brian didn’t really need anymore things, but we still go out to eat or go back to one of our houses and have coffee. I told him...I told him that Drew and I are inquiring about adopting again, from Tanzania. Hopefully a girl, to balance things out a little, but we don’t really care either way. He’s the only person I’ve told. He was so happy for me. Let me chat on and on about it. He is a wonderful friend. A wonderful husband. He...He makes Brian so happy. He is a wonderful father. And he’s not going to get to be those things anymore and it breaks my heart. Brian is going to be devastated for probably years and he’ll never be the same. I can't begin to understand the pain he’s in. I lost George, but it's nothing close to all of this. And Lily? If…When she wakes up, she’s going to want her papa and he’s not going to be there. And when the baby is born next month, he's not even going to get to meet her. Thinking about that hurts more than I can describe. Fuck, Ted. It hurts so much...”

 

Emmett can feel the tears pouring down his face as his breath hitches with quiet sobs. He wipes them off, but it takes mere seconds for them to be replaced with new ones.

 

“Emmett...God, Emmett. Come here,” Ted murmurs, coming to stand in front of him to wrap his arms around him. Emmett lets his cheek rest against Ted’s shoulder as he lets himself cry.

-------------------------------------------------------

After Emmett gets the second key from the front desk, he takes the elevator up to the sixth floor and quietly opens the door to their hotel room. The lights are off and it’s cold. The fan from the air conditioner is running and it really doesn’t surprise Emmett. Drew runs warm and their bedroom is always a bit chilly. Their son is the opposite and opts for more blankets than Emmett can keep count, all while needing his bedroom to be warmer than the rest of the house, which Emmett keeps it at a respectable 70 degrees.

 

But there is one good thing about Drew keeping the room cool.

 

“Hey,” Drew greets in a sleepy voice, tossing the covers on Emmett’s side of the bed aside as Emmett strips down.

 

“Hey,” Emmett answers, voice still stuffy from his breakdown, before sitting down on the edge of the bed.

 

Drew reaches out and takes a hold of his hand, holding onto it until Emmett lies down. Part of Emmett wants to keep his back to Drew, to keep his emotions to himself and try to get the rest that he knows isn’t all that likely to come.

 

But a larger part of him, one Emmett knows will win out in an instant, wants to stare at Drew and never stop because, if this terrifying and devastating day has taught him anything, it’s taught him he needs to hold onto Drew and cherish what he has with him. It could end in an instant.

 

So he turns over, takes Drew’s hand and kisses it twice and stares him in the eye. Drew gazes right back at him, bringing his other hand up to Emmett’s face to wipe at the moisture that had once again escaped his partner’s eyes.

 

“I’m cold,” Emmett tells him softly, leaning his forehead against Drew’s, “Will you hold me?”

 

Drew nods and opens up his arms. Emmett shifts himself so that he’s embracing Drew’s torso, the side of his face lying upon his partner’s chest, then lets himself shut his eyes.

Chapter End Notes:

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