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Author's Chapter Notes:

After receiving terrible news, Justin, Molly, and Hunter go to Hoboken to stay with Duncan.

Justin doesn't move for twenty minutes after Emmett hangs up. Twenty minutes of silence, twenty minutes of not being able to pinpoint what he's feeling. Once the twenty minutes are up, he can pinpoint the emotion. It's terror. Absolute terror, the kind that makes him sick to his stomach once the weight of it hits him. The kind that has him running for the toilet but all he can really do is gag over it because he hasn't eaten much today and he's not actually sick. This is all coming from his head, coming from one of the worst announcements anyone could ever hear.

 

Fuck. Lily. That poor baby.

 

Eric. Jesus Christ, poor Eric.

 

Brian. Oh, Brian.

 

Justin wheezes in through his mouth before standing back up. He needs to tell Molly and Hunter. He needs to go be with Duncan. He said he would watch Duncan instead of driving to Philadelphia. He wants to be there for Brian but he fucking can't, not after last night. That conversation should have solved everything. It was supposed to let the Brian & Justin saga close officially so that there were no unresolved issues and nothing keeping them from being close friends. And now all Justin can feel is guilt and sadness for stressing Brian out because now Eric is as good as…

 

He doesn't let himself finish the thought. He tries not to think about anything and he must succeed in that because he suddenly finds himself in front of Molly's and Hunter's apartment door, knocking on it almost robotically until someone answers.

 

Dude," Hunter says as he swings the door open, "I heard you the first three knocks-"

 

"Have you talked to Michael?" Justin asks, his voice sounding completely lifeless.

 

"Today?" Hunter says, frowning, "No. Why? What's up-"

 

And before Hunter can even finish his sentence, that's when the tears hit Justin and he's gasping for breath and bending over from the force of reality that hits him as he covers his face with his hands. Through the static beginning to fill his ears, he can hear the volume of Hunter's voice begin to rise with panic, with questions such as, "Did something happen to Ben?! Michael?! Felix? Is JR okay?! Your parents? Fuck, Justin, say something!"

 

Despite Hunter's frustrations with Justin's current inability to speak further on what's going on, Justin feels the younger man's arms around him, rubbing his back and leading him inside of the apartment.

----------------------------------

As soon as Molly steps out of the shower, dries herself off, and gets dressed, she opens the door and immediately knows something is wrong. She can't see anyone, not yet, but the air feels different. Stiffer. Everything is too quiet. She doesn't get how she knows, but she does. She doesn't get how she's right on something being wrong either, and she knows that she's right as soon as Justin and Hunter come into view. They're sitting on opposite ends of the couch with Archimedes in between them almost looking solemn until he sees her, which causes him to clumsily jump down, walk over to her, and stand on his hind legs for attention. She gives it to him, briefly, because all she can focus on are the two men sitting on the couch. Hunter is staring off into space while Justin's face is in his hands.

 

Something is wrong.

 

"What's going on?"

 

Hunter looks over at Molly first, then stands up to walk over to her. Hunter opens his mouth, as if he wants to speak but can't, then puts his arms on her shoulders and runs his fingers through her damp hair before Molly asks her question again.

 

"Hunter, what's going on?" She repeats, catching his left hand in her right, "There is something wrong. I knew it as soon as I walked out of the bathroom-"

 

"Eric and Lily were in the trail derailment outside of Philadelphia," Hunter interrupts hoarsely, "Lily has a few broken bones and almost died from blood loss but is being kept in a medical coma so that she can hopefully heal until she's stable. Eric...Eric was shot in the back of the head when he was saving Lily. He isn't going to make it. He's brain dead."

 

Hearing Hunter's last sentence has her feeling frozen. She can't think of what to say. She doesn't know them well, but Lily had always been so enthusiastic to see her and Eric had always been so welcoming and sweet. And the thought of them going through this hurts. But before she can say anything or comfort Hunter or Justin - who both know Lily and Eric a lot better than she does - Justin suddenly stands up and rubs the remnants of tears off of his face.

 

"I need to go get one of the trucks. I'm going to stay with Duncan," Justin chokes out, heading to the door on shaky legs, "Emmett and Drew are in Philadelphia with Brian. Emmett called me and asked if I could stay with him if I couldn't come up."

 

Molly blinks, "...Justin, are you sure you don't want to go up? Eric is one of your close friends. And Brian-"

 

"Has enough support," Justin says, cutting her off, "I can offer my support this way. Staying with Lily's best friend."

 

"Well..." Molly starts out, trying to think of something she can do, "We can take my car. You let me park it under the gallery for free, so you should get to use it as much as us. It will be easier for us to find street parking for it anyway."

 

"Us?"

 

Molly scoffs, "You're not going alone. Let me pack a bag."

 

Justin closes his eyes and rubs his eyes with his thumb and forefinger, "You don't have to do that. Michael should be in Philadelphia in a few hours. Hunter may want to visit him-"

 

"I'll go if he really needs me there," Hunter says, putting a hand up, "But I'd rather stay with the two of you until then. There are probably more things that I can do to help here than over there anyway."

 

Justin doesn't seem to have it in him to argue. Molly doesn't think he is capable of talking about much of anything right now. Molly can understand that. Despite the fact that Brian is Justin's ex, she knows that Justin still loves Brian deeply, even if that love had changed into something more platonic but just as intense. She knows that Justin also loves Lily and Eric and is not only processing his own grief and horror, but also thinking about (or trying not to think about) Brian's grief.

 

Shit. Brian. Poor Brian. Nothing anyone could feel can compare to what that man is likely feeling right now. The last time she had seen him, he had been so happy to be with his family. She can't imagine how he is feeling now.

 

She doesn't want to.

 

"I'm packing a bag," Molly says, then glances at Hunter as Justin walks out the door, "Go with him. Take Archimedes for a walk while you are at it. I'll pack both of you a bag too and make sure Katniss has enough food and water."

---------------------

The ride to Hoboken is mostly quiet. Both Hunter and Molly offer to drive but Justin refuses, probably needing something to do with his hands to keep himself distracted. One of them should have sat up front to keep Justin company, but honestly? She doesn't want to be farther away from Hunter than she has to be and he seems to feel the same way. And it's probably stupid and insensitive to be grateful that they still have each other and relieved that this hadn't happened to them even though it was fucking terrible and heartbreaking that it happened to Eric, Brian, and Lily. She just wants to be close to him right now, especially due to everything that has happened recently. The more she thinks about it, the more sad she feels and the more sad she feels, the closer she wants to be to Hunter so that's what she does; she presses herself closer to him until her head is resting on his shoulder and her face is pressed against the crook of his neck as he wraps his arms around her tighter. Archimedes is ignoring them for once, opting to look out the window with excitement. So, in a way, it does feel like it's only the two of them.

 

It makes her feel better but it also makes her feel sadder. Brian should be able to have this. Brian should be able to rest his head on his husband's shoulder and seek out comfort. He should have Eric at least so that they could comfort each other when it comes to Lily. But instead, he's lost Eric - no, not yet, not technically. Brian still has to make that call. Molly hates herself for thinking it, but fate would have been kinder if it had just let Eric die immediately.

 

It's a shitty thought. It's so fucking shitty. But she can't imagine being the person who has to decide when to pull the plug, especially if she had to do it with Hunter. And her relationship with Hunter isn't as serious as Brian's and Eric's is. Sure, she has never been more in love with someone and their relationship over the past year has been intense, loving, breathtaking, heartbreaking, adventurous, and affectionate all rolled into one, but Brian and Eric are married. They have been together for several years. They share a daughter together and have another little girl due in a month or so-.

 

That thought hurts. She pushes the thought of a baby never meeting one of her fathers down quickly and just tries to focus on thinking about nothing and holding onto Hunter. When they arrive in Hoboken, Duncan offers a welcome distraction.

 

"He just finished lunch," the babysitter says, a small, sad smile on her face as she glances back at Duncan, who is otherwise preoccupied playing with his dog, "He will probably want a snack in a couple of hours. I saw a tupperware container filled with soup in the freezer. Emmett and Drew shouldn't mind if you thaw that out for dinner."

 

"Thank you," Justin murmurs, not quite meeting anyone's eyes, "I've watched him several times so we should be fine, but if something comes up, I will definitely reach out."

 

The babysitter nods, biting her lip with worry before leaning in to ask barely above a whisper, "Have you heard anything else about Lily?"

 

Molly watches as her brother breathes in a sharp inhale and shakes his head, "No. I guess she isn't out of the woods but the doctors are 'hesitantly hopeful'. Whatever that means."

 

The babysitter nods, then leans in, "Duncan has been asking about her. I don't think they had a playdate or anything planned today. He was asleep when Emmett called so I don't think he overheard anything but he seems to know something is wrong. I don't know how, but he does. It might be how I'm coming off. He's very perceptive when it comes to body language and what people are feeling, so it could be that. I swear, he is so normal and well-adjusted, considering his history, but then he will know when I'm upset or if something major happened and I haven't said a word. I don't know what to tell him. He keeps asking and when I try to redirect him, he asks me to call his dads so he can ask them if Lily is okay. It is like some kind of screwed up psychic connection happening at the worst time."

 

Justin doesn't seem to know what to say at all, just opening and closing his mouth a few times, as if he is trying to think of a plan when it comes to Duncan but it pains him to do so. After several seconds, Molly decides to put him out of his misery and take over.

 

"If he continues to ask, we can call Emmett or Drew and see how they want to go about it," Molly says, nodding once, "My experience with kids is that it is better to be age appropriate but transparent when it comes to talking to them about serious things like this."

 

"Yeah, well..." the babysitter says, trailing off as she glances back at Duncan, " I don't know if I could bring myself to announce something like that to him. I usually only watch him twice a week at most but I love him. He's probably my favorite kid I've ever watched. Lily's a sweetheart too. Stubborn, but sweet. And Duncan adores her. I can't stand the thought of him having to process something like this."

 

"We can handle it, don't worry," Molly says softly, although she can sense both her brother and her boyfriend stiffen up on either side of her. She has a feeling they might feel a little differently on the matter.

 

The babysitter (whom Molly now knows as Kendra) leaves her info with them in case they have any questions and can't reach Emmett or Drew before walking over to give Duncan a tight hug goodbye and taking off. As for Justin and Hunter, they are just standing there, watching Duncan warily, as if they suddenly don't know what to do next. Maybe it is because their grief is more potent than Molly's or maybe they are better interacting with little girls than they are little boys due to having younger sisters. If the latter is the case, then they should probably get over that - considering Justin is about to have twin boys and Hunter's newest sibling is a boy - but Molly can take over for now.

 

Fuck, it is the least she can do.

 

She walks over to Duncan as well as Stella - both of which have calmed in their play and are now sitting down as Duncan reads a book on a children's kindle, all while Stella sits there patiently, as if she is listening and watching as closely as Duncan is. Maybe she is. She has only been to Emmett's and Drew's a handful of times since Duncan joined their family but Duncan does seem to have an extremely deep bond with Stella. Molly wouldn't be all that surprised if Duncan figured out a way to get his dog interested in a book. It's such a deep bond that Stella mostly ignores Archimedes, who is looking up at the large dog with wonder and occasionally positioning himself as if he wants to play. Other than a few sniffs and nudges with her nose whenever Archimedes gets too close for her liking, she ignores him. Duncan pets the puppy a few times and gives it one quick hug initially, but seems to be too lost in his own thoughts to pay the puppy much mind. He comes off differently than when he came with Drew and Emmett to the apartment on Thursday. They had come to give them food and gift cards to welcome them to New York all while Duncan hadn't wanted to stop playing with Archimedes.

 

"What are you reading?" Molly asks, sitting down next to Duncan. Stella barely gives her more than a glance before deciding to plop down and curl up. She's still so large that her chin rests on Duncan's shoulder, her nose pressing against the boy's face. Stella gives Duncan's cheek a lick, a token of affection he doesn't react much to, other than a slight flinch, an honestly comically mature mutter of, 'Stella, please', followed by Duncan giving the dog an obligatory pat on the head before he directs his attention towards Molly.

 

"The Snowy Day," Duncan enunciates, "I'm reading it myself 'cause I know how. Pa taught me 'cause I told him to. I picked this one 'cause it is snowing outside."

 

"It is snowing out," Molly says, glancing out the window, "It's snowing a lot. Maybe we can make a snowman."

 

"Mmmm," Duncan says, thinking on it as he looks up to watch the snow fall, "Later. Maybe tomorrow. Lily 'posed to be back tomorrow."

 

The mention of Lily makes her heart ache as she holds back a grimace but doesn't say a word. When she glances up at Justin and Hunter, their eyes are the size of saucers, as if they are bracing themselves for a horrifically upsetting conversation with a four year old. But as soon as she glances up, Duncan does too, scrutinizing all of them carefully.

 

Shit. Kendra HAD been right. Duncan is perceptive. The way he's staring at her, 'perceptive' might be an understatement. More like some kind of psychic empath mind reader or some shit-

 

"I wanna call Lily," Duncan decides, exiting out of the book.

 

"Um…" Molly starts, "I don't think we can get a hold of her right now, honey. Why don't we-"

 

"It's okay," Duncan says, cutting in, opening up some kind of messenger app Duncan must have downloaded himself, hidden within a few folders, "I know how. I can FaceTime her on her iPad through here. But you can't tell Daddy or Pa we call each other. I not 'posed to talk to anyone on here. Only on their phones and then they get me my phone when I am bigger. Daddy says 12 but Pa says 14. I like Daddy's idea better."

 

Molly keeps her gaping to a minimum. Maybe Duncan's precocious tech savviness is due to him being on what is likely the tail end of Generation Z, but what a conniving little genius. Duncan's only quiet because he's too busy making bigger plans and reading other people's thoughts, she is sure of it. The sweet, innocent little boy schtick has just been a disguise all along. No wonder he and Lily are such good friends. They are different sides of the same coin-

 

The app rings and rings, only for Lily to not pick up. Duncan cancels the call, only to send out another call again with the same results.

 

"What's wrong with her?" Duncan whispers desperately to himself as his frown deepens. The question takes her by surprise but it also breaks her heart. The thought of the iPad in a little girl's backpack next to Brian's feet in Lily's hospital room is horrible. The thought of the iPad lying in the derailed train, cracked and ringing with Duncan's name and picture lighting up the screen is even worse.

 

Molly looks up at Justin and Hunter again. Hunter looks like he wants to cry as much as she does. Justin is crying and wiping at his face to get rid of the evidence before leaving the room, pulling out his phone before he is out of sight.

 

"Why don't we take Stella and Archimedes for a walk?" Molly asks gently, putting a hand on Duncan's shoulder.

 

"No," Duncan says pointedly, despite seeming to feel slightly guilty at Stella's perked ears as soon as the word is said, "I gotta wait for Lily! She calls me back and I call her back. If we can't, we text to say and call back when we go to our rooms."

 

"You text each other?" Molly asks, her eyebrows raising in disbelief.

 

Duncan gives her a put upon look and sighs, opening the app again to show countless voice messages to each other.

 

"Watch," Duncan tells her, then presses down on the screen, "Call me back, please. I worried, Lily."

 

The audio message sends through, claiming it has, in fact, been delivered, but it remains unopened. Duncan then holds down the talk to text option and repeats the same exact words.

 

"If she not play her message," Duncan explains, "We do both. A lot of times now I read it, but sometimes can't. Listening and reading what she says helps me. I learn reading faster this way."

 

"That…" Molly starts, because seriously? Considering Duncan has found a way to strengthen his reading comprehension on his own - all while being sneaky about it - astounds her.

 

"What?" Duncan asks.

 

"You're very, very smart," Molly says, running a hand over his buzzcut, "You should show it off more."

 

Duncan shrugs, "Lily’s smart too. She's the bestest at reading. It's why she's my best friend. And my girlfriend. Both, actually."

 

Molly nods, swallowing past the lump in her throat, "Well, she's a lucky girl. But speaking of girls, I think Stella really does want that walk. She might need to go to the bathroom. Archimedes would like it too and I need to take him out a lot because we're still house training him. I could use the fresh air too. I bet we would all like the walk a lot more if you came with us, especially Stella. From what I understand, you are her favorite person in the whole world."

 

Duncan nods and glances at Stella's hopeful figure by the door, "I am."

 

Molly smiles, stands up, and holds out a hand, "Let's go get your coat."

---------------------------

Molly had been a little worried about walking Stella due to her size, but Stella proves herself to be a well-behaved dog who doesn’t pull much, even when they pass dogs on the other side of the street. The most she does is get on the other side of Duncan when another large dog walks past, putting herself between them as she stares at the Rottweiler in warning. She doesn’t growl, but she lets out a low huff, as if to say, “Stay away from my child.” The Rottweiler listens, although he hadn’t seemed too interested in the first place.

 

Molly walks them down the street to the dog park. Although it is too cold for Duncan’s liking, Stella suddenly strips herself from the protective and loyal persona she had been donning and gallops around the fenced in field enthusiastically, finally giving into Archimedes requests to play. Duncan throws a few snowballs for their benefit, crossing his arms tightly around his front when his hands are not in use, and Stella chases after them quickly enough to catch them in thin air, Archimedes trailing behind all while she chews them up dramatically.

 

“She likes the snow,” Duncan says, pointing it out as if Stella had been subtle about it.

 

“I can see that,” Molly says, “Don’t you want to play in it a little? I always loved playing in the snow when I was a kid.”

 

Duncan shrugs, “When Lily’s back. It will be more funner that way. When Daddy and Pa are back too. And Brian and Eric. We do lots of stuff together.”

 

Molly doesn’t even know what to say to that, so she just stays silent and doesn’t force herself to fill it in with useless noise until Duncan speaks again.

 

“Lily’s not coming home tomorrow, is she?”

 

Molly turns her head sharply and sees Duncan looking at her with his big, sad, dark brown eyes. At first, it’s hard for her to get past the weirdness of Duncan just knowing, absolutely knowing something is wrong. But she supposes weirder things have happened. When she and Hunter were on opposite coasts, he had called her after she noticed the things in her apartment were just slightly off. Moved centimeters from their original spots, not enough to be sure anything had happened at all but enough to make her paranoid. She had been paranoid enough to sleep on the couch and set her alarm for every 20 minutes throughout the night - so that she wouldn’t sleep deeply enough through a potential break in. Hunter had called her at 3 am, right after her alarm went off, telling her he had a nightmare about someone standing over her while she was sleeping on the fucking couch and he just wanted to see if she was alright. She had told him that she was fine, didn’t say a word about her suspicions because she thought it would make her sound crazy. But after he told her that, she turned the lights on, didn’t sleep for the rest of the night and asked him to stay on the phone with her, even if he didn’t talk and just went back to bed.

 

Something similar had actually happened the other way around. She had woken up one night suddenly and had an intensely strange feeling that something was wrong with Hunter. She hadn’t known if it was his health or his body or his mind, but she was worried enough to call, despite the strain the Australia shoot had caused on their relationship. Hunter had picked up, despite being on set. He said that some distracted single mom rear ended him on the way to work and that he was okay but had very minor whiplash. Then he admitted he had a few bad dreams about Rita and her baby, didn’t sleep very well, wasn’t having a very good day, and that he really missed Molly.

 

She could lie to Duncan, say that she doesn’t know what Lily’s schedule is. She probably should until someone gets the okay from Emmett and Drew. But as soon as she tries to lie, she can’t. This boy has already proven he can see right through it. He’s already gone through too much in four and a half years. According to Justin, Duncan lost both of his biological parents by the age of 2, got passed around to a few short-term foster parents, one of them dying of a stroke while Duncan was in their care. Duncan knows things can go to complete shit. Lying to him won’t do anything but come off as disrespectful and hurtful, even if the lying comes from a place that wants to keep Duncan from hurting.

 

“No, Duncan,” Molly reluctantly says, kneeling down, snow be damned, “She’s not coming back tomorrow.”

 

Duncan takes a breath, staring at Molly in that scrutinizing manner again, “Why not?”

 

Molly swallows and shrugs, “I don’t know much about what’s happening. I honestly don’t. Your daddy and your pa went up to find out more and to help Lily. When I talk to them and find out what they can tell you, I’ll make sure you know. Okay?”

 

Duncan keeps his eyes on her, then nods slowly, “You promise?”

 

Molly nods.

 

“Pinky swear,” Duncan insists, sticking his pinky out.

 

Molly glances down at the pinky and links it with hers, “Fair enough.”

 

Molly latches Stella’s and Archimedes's leashes to their collars and they walk back to the house without another word exchanged between them. When they arrive back at the house, they take off their wet boots, scarves, gloves, and coats, and Molly goes over to put on Netflix for Duncan.

 

“Find a good movie for us,” she tells him, handing him the remote, “Something neither of us have seen. I’ll make us a bowl of popcorn.”

 

“A big bowl?” Duncan asks as he stands up quickly on the couch to get a better look at her, seeming hopeful for the first time today.

 

“Duncan, sweetheart,” Molly says, turning around to look at him, “There’s no other kind when it comes to popcorn.”

 

“But dinner-” Duncan starts, then clamps his hands on his mouth before forcing himself to sit down, as if he is realizing he doesn’t want to ruin this once in a lifetime opportunity.

 

“Find something good!” Molly calls out, then heads down the hall before swinging through the double doors leading to the ridiculously nice kitchen, where both Justin and Hunter are sitting at the island, each with a cup of coffee in front of them.

 

“I got a hold of Drew,” Justin says, still looking heartachingly sad, “I told him how desperate Duncan has been to get a hold of Lily-”

 

“Wait,” Molly says, quickly walking back over to swing the double doors open to make sure Duncan didn’t follow her, “Alright, we’re good. Go on.”

 

“Anyway,” Justin sighs, “He says that if he keeps asking, don’t lie to him. Don’t go into details about Eric yet...I...I guess they might just wait to tell Duncan about Eric after he’s officially gone. I-It’ll be easier that way. But he said it’s okay to tell him that Lily got hurt very badly and is in the hospital. If he keeps asking to talk to her, then we can tell him that the doctors gave Lily medicine to sleep for a few days so that her body can heal a little faster. He said he would try to FaceTime with Duncan tonight in order to explain things, but if he keeps asking before he can call, then we can tell him that much if we’re comfortable. I’m really hoping Duncan just waits it out.”

 

“Same,” Hunter mutters, staring down at his cup of coffee.

 

Molly shakes her head, “On our walk, he said to me, ‘Lily isn’t coming back tomorrow, is she?’ I don’t think he’s going to wait. I couldn’t lie to him and tell him I didn’t know. I just told him that she wasn’t and when he asked why, I said that I don’t know a lot of details but that his parents went up to help Lily and they would let us know more soon. He made me pinky promise to tell him what was wrong as soon as I knew more.”

 

“Well…” Justin starts but then trails off, closing his eyes in pain before forcing himself to talk, “Shit, Molly, I don’t want to fucking do that to you. I know the kid the best out of the three of us. I know I should be the one to tell him. But I don’t think I have it in me. I can’t fucking do it right now, not without getting upset.”

 

Before Molly can answer, Hunter speaks up, “I...I guess I could tell him. I might not know him as well as you do but when Emmett and Drew brought him up to Toronto while Molly and I were also visiting, we bonded a little. He knows I’m adopted like he is. I...I don’t know. Maybe I can do it. I don’t know what to fucking say, but-”

 

“Hunter, I don’t mind telling him,” Molly interrupts, sighing, “I mean, I wish none of this happened so that there was nothing to tell, but I’ve had to break bad news to my students before. Plus, I promised him I would tell him. This is upsetting for me - of course it is - but you both are closer with Eric and Lily than I am. I can talk to him without getting too worked up, I think.”

 

Justin opens his mouth to speak but is interrupted by his phone vibrating on the table. Justin looks down at the phone before his expression immediately crumples and he lets out a sob.

 

“Justin?” Molly asks, putting a hand on Justin’s back, “Who is-”

 

“It’s Gus,” Justin chokes out, his breath hitching as he tries to get himself under control, “I have to pick up, I have to, he’s probably fucking devastated and needs to talk to someone, especially if he’s calling me-”

 

“Do you want us to go in the other room?” Molly asks, but Justin waves her off.

 

“I’ll go upstairs,” Justin rasps out, accepting the call before putting it up to his ear and getting up to walk to the steps in the back of the kitchen, “Hi, buddy...Yeah, Emmett called me...I’m so sorry. I am so, so sorry…”

 

Justin’s voice trails off as he ascends further up the stairs and Hunter and Molly are left alone. Molly studies her boyfriend’s hunched over form before leaning over the counter to run her fingers through his hair and press her forehead against his. Hunter takes both of her hands, kisses them before holding them against his face, then closes his eyes.

 

“I love you,” he rasps out, sniffling slightly. Molly bites her lip, nods, and moves her head up just enough to press two kisses against his forehead.

 

“I love you too.”

----------------------------------------------------------

“He’s barely talked to me,” Gus says, his voice strangled, “He’s barely talked to anyone. He’s just sitting next to Lily’s bed, staring at the wall.”

 

Justin breathes in through his nostrils in order to stay calm before answering Gus’s claims about Brian, “Gus, your dad’s probably in a lot of shock. This is going to be very hard on him.”

 

“He hugged me when I hugged him first, but he didn’t even fucking say anything!” Gus cries, getting more worked up, “Mom can’t stop crying enough to stay with him long so Ma sat with him for a while. She even fucking held his hand and he didn’t even say that he didn’t want her pity. He didn’t say anything! Do you know how weird that is? He’s not dealing with anyone or anything. He’s just fucking sitting and not saying a damn word!”

 

“You…” Justin starts, then tries to figure out what he can even say, “You have to be patient with him. Understanding. He’s going through more than we can understand. Him shutting down is his mind’s way of protecting him from the pain. He’s...He’s probably not in control right now.”

 

Gus lets out a few sobs and Justin has to briefly pull the phone away from his ear in order to keep himself from breaking down too. Before Justin can ask if Gus is okay (stupid question, so it’s probably for the best that he doesn’t get the chance) Gus moves on.

 

“I just…” Gus starts, whimpering, “I just don’t want him to regret not seeing Eric. Everyone else has, except for George. I guess he and his girlfriend are flying into the closest city they can and are driving the rest of the way. The rest of Eric’s family did the same thing and just got here. They’re a fucking mess. His mom was literally wailing. I don’t know Eric’s parents as well as I do the rest of his family. I know he had problems with them, especially his mom. But I feel really bad for them right now, despite how they’ve been in the past.”

 

“Yeah,” Justin says, sniffling, “I feel bad for them too.”

 

Gus is quiet for a moment, just the sound of his breathing is heard over the line. It's as if both Gus and Justin are taking a break from the conversation, only for a minute to get their bearings. Justin doesn't think he will ever get his bearings, so he can't imagine how Gus feels. Justin may have felt like a step-dad of sorts, even after the break up when he and Brian hadn't spoken to each other for years but he kept in touch with Gus and visited him when Brian wasn't in Toronto. But Eric? Eric is Gus's step-dad. He can't imagine how this is going to affect him. And god, Lily is going to wake up wanting her Papa and he will never be able to be by her side again-

 

"Are you coming down?" Gus asks desperately, a question that pulls Justin out of his depressing thoughts only to crush his damn soul.

 

Justin lets out a sad sigh, "Gus, I can't."

 

"Why not?" Gus asks sadly, breaking Justin's damn heart in the process.

 

"I'm staying with Duncan," Justin says, clearing his throat, "He doesn't know yet, but he knows something is wrong with Lily. I don't know how, but he needs people down here with him right now."

 

"...I know that Emmett and Drew don't want Duncan coming up here if there are attacks. I get why they want him home. But I thought Hunter and Molly were in New York now," Gus sniffles, "Can't one of them stay with him?"

 

"They're here too," Justin says hesitantly.

 

"Then why can't you come here?" Gus asks, sounding younger than he's heard the kid come off in years. What can he say to him? The truth? That he feels so fucking guilty he can barely stand it? That Brian probably called and asked for Eric to come home early because Justin got him so upset? He doesn't know that for sure, he doesn't, but he irrationally hates himself right now for asking Brian about the check. No, not asking. Asking is what he had done in the summer. He demanded to talk about it. The alcohol hadn't helped. It made him bold. But Brian had gotten so upset and then so dejected and he was drunk too so it didn't help him keep his own emotions in check when he had admitted why he never cashed it.

 

He had just wanted to solve that shit. He would have never brought it up if he thought this was going to happen right after, whether the discussion caused Eric and Lily to get on an earlier train or not.

 

But Molly's voice is echoing in his head, telling him to be honest and age appropriate. He's not going to get into everything, he can't, but he needs to be truthful.

 

"I'm his ex-fiancé," Justin says, swallowing, "Your dad doesn't need to see me when he has to say goodbye to his husband. I can't do that to him. It would complicate things right now."

 

"But I thought you were friends now," Gus says, his voice strained and confused, "I thought you were close friends with both him and Eric."

 

"I was. I am," Justin corrects himself, wincing, "And I promise I will be at any services and help him however I can once he comes back. Whether that's keeping him company, keeping my distance, or watching Lily and...and the baby so that he can have time to himself. But I really think seeing me would be too much for him right now. It would be too much for me too, to see him so upset."

 

"I just…" Gus starts, trailing off, "I would just like to see you."

 

"I want to see you too," Justin tells him honestly, closing his eyes, "I'm really sorry. I'm sorry about everything."

 

"Yeah," Gus murmurs, "Me too."

-----------------------

They only tell Duncan before dinner, after he throws a fit when they tell him he can't bring his tablet to the kitchen table. Duncan has never been much of a tantrum thrower. Justin has seen him pout, sometimes stomp away if he feels rejected or hurt, but for the most part he is a well behaved boy. The only big tantrum Justin had ever seen from him had been before Brian's and Eric's wedding when he had demanded that Eric's nephew, Julian, give him back his bear. That had come from a place of trauma though - and it had passed quickly.

 

'Quick' wouldn't be a word to describe this tantrum. As soon as the tablet is taken away and put away, Duncan tries to reason with them. He says that he needs it in case Lily calls back, that she always calls back, but Molly tells him he doesn't need it at the table and he screams before going over to kick the couch. He looks like he wants to kick Molly for not budging and seems like he is about to but thinks better of it. Instead, he just pushes her against her stomach. Justin watches as Molly looks down at Duncan with an amount of patience that neither he nor Hunter have while she just waits him out.

 

"I'm fine," Molly tells Hunter when he steps forward, right after a slightly hard push that has Molly stepping back. Duncan seems to feel guilty about it, considering the way tears fill his eyes before he digs the base of his palms into them, as if he's stressed. But he's too stubborn and too lost in his emotions to stop.

 

"He's not in a place where he's going to listen right now," Molly says gently, "Just let him get it out until he can calm down. Don't react unless he tries to hurt himself, someone else, or tries to break something."

 

"Molly, he's trying to hurt you now," Hunter points out quietly.

 

"No, he's not," Molly scoffs, catching Duncan's hands, "I know you don't want to hurt anyone. I bet you've never hit anyone at all. Why are you trying to hit now?"

 

"I want my TABLET!" Duncan screams, sobbing as he puts his hands down despite his anger.

 

"You need to eat dinner first, okay?" Molly says, "Do your dads let you have your tablet when you're eating?"

 

"N-No!" Duncan wails, "But I t-told you! I message Lily! I call her! Something is wrong!"

 

Duncan continues to cry hysterically and it's really hard for Justin to stand there and do nothing. So he gets out his phone to text Emmett because he has no idea what else to do and Emmett and Drew know their son the best.

 

He's hysterical because we told him he can't have his tablet at the table. He's been throwing stuff and pushing Molly (not hard, just testing her since she's the one setting up that expectation). Apparently he and Lily secretly downloaded an app they talk through on their tablets and hid it in their game folder. I guess they only use it when they are in their rooms so you might want to make sure it's safe and no one else is added on there. He knows something is wrong with her. I don't know how, I don't know why you decided to adopt a sneaky psychic who has too much game for his own good, but he fucking knows.

 

It takes almost twenty minutes for Emmett to respond, twenty minutes of wailing, screaming, hitting a pillow (a step up from pushing at Molly) and Duncan acting like the anti-Duncan, but Justin's phone finally pings.

 

But we set up parental controls! He shouldn't even be able to download anything and it should lock after 45 minutes of usage per day anyway!

 

Out of all the things Emmett could take from that message, he chooses that? Justin has never received a more Dad-like text in his life. But before Justin can text back, Emmett calls him, his name lighting up the screen. Justin steps out of the room to take the call without so much screaming in the background.

 

"What's going on?" Emmett says, sounding more stressed than Justin has ever heard him, "My baby has never hit anyone, Justin. He wouldn't. I don't understand-"

 

"I don't either," Justin says, "Not really. I don't think this is going to be an ongoing thing with him, he seemed to feel really bad and he wasn't hitting, he was just...I don't know, pushing. Like he was trying to aggravate Molly into caving. Molly mentioned she thought the change in behaviors might be because of his abandonment and attachment issues. After what happened to him before you adopted him. He's worried Lily isn't coming back because he thinks something is wrong with her. He probably misses you and Drew a lot and isn't sure when you are coming back either. His routine is all messed up. He didn't want to lie down for a nap. He can definitely sense we are all upset-"

 

"I should come back," Emmett chokes out, taking in a heaving breath, "He needs me."

 

"Brian needs you too," Justin says softly, "Right now, he needs you more than Duncan does. He needs his best friends there."

 

"Brian…" Emmett starts but trails off. Justin closes his eyes. He doesn't want to know more about Brian. Every bit of information he got from Gus cut into him like a knife. But he can't stop himself from asking.

 

"How's Brian?" Justin forces himself to say, his eyes still closed.

 

"Awful," Emmett sniffles, "I mean, he's a little better than he was when we got here early this morning, maybe. He's...He's talking a little more, taking more initiative. He prepared some forms to submit for Lily's transfer to New York if she doesn't go downhill. But...But I think that means he's a step towards pulling the plug on Eric. And I think he knows that too, because after he filled them out, he just sat there and cried. He didn't make one noise. He's still holding a lot of pain in. When Michael tried to comfort him, he just turned his head and hid his face, as if he didn't want anyone to see. He did hug Gus, Cynthia, Rick, and Amanda. But I think that was for their benefit and they all initiated. Amanda is keeping herself occupied. She and Diego went with Lindsay, Mel, and Gus out to dinner. Amanda has always been very nice to Gus. I think she knows Brian is not mentally with it enough to be there for his son right now so she's putting her focus into Gus since she's a mom. I'm very worried about Rick. He's lost so many people already and Eric was...is...a lifeline for him. He's blaming himself since Eric and Lily were coming back from visiting him. He went to Brian and just broke down, telling him how sorry he was. Brian...Brian was able to tell him that none of this is his fault. That there's nothing for Rick to be sorry for. So...So that's good. But it's as if Brian feels he doesn't deserve any kind of comfort or time to openly grieve. Or he's embarrassed to show how upset he's feeling. I don't know."

 

Justin lets out a hitched breath, "He shouldn't be embarrassed about being upset. Fuck."

 

"He…" Emmett starts off, "I don't know. I am going to see if he will live with us for a while once everything that needs to happen...happens. I don't want him alone. He's going to need help. I'm so worried about him and I can't imagine how Lily is going to be if - when - she wakes up and her Papa isn't here-"

 

Emmett breaks off and Justin can hear him trying to keep himself under control and he gets it. Justin is trying to do the same.

 

"But my baby," Emmett says, clearing his throat as he gets back on the original topic, "I'm really sorry he is giving you a hard time. He's always been very in tune with people. I'm not sure why. Drew and I always have to be careful about how we come off if we are upset or pissed off about something. He immediately gets agitated and uncomfortable whenever we are. I never expected him to get like this though."

 

"Well, this is probably the worst any of us have ever felt," Justin says sadly, "If he really is that perceptive, then he's probably feeling overwhelmed."

 

"I just don't get how he knows this is about Lily," Emmett says, choking on her name, "He was asleep when we called Kendra and when she arrived and he was still asleep when we called and told her what was going on. There's no way he overheard."

 

"I don't know," Justin sighs, "I really don't. He's very close with Lily. I guess there have been weirder things that have happened. Molly is the one who has been dealing with him the most today. I guess he said to her, 'Lily isn't coming back tomorrow, is she?' and she was honest and said that she wasn't, then just said that you and Drew went up to help and find out more. He made her promise to tell him whatever she found out. He started out worried and determined and now he's just miserable. I don't think we can keep it from him much longer."

 

Emmett lets out a sob that's quickly stifled, "Justin, I don't want to tell him. I know I need to if he's getting like this, but I don't know if I can. I can't break my baby's heart. I can't do this to him."

 

"I said the same thing and he isn't even my kid. Molly said she could do it," Justin says softly, "She's not as close with Brian, Eric, and Lily as the rest of us are. She's upset and worried but she's keeping her cool while Hunter and I are going through the motions at best. She can keep a level head. She has worked with kids. Hell, she worked with some really bad kids at one of the schools she worked at. She's gotten punched in the face at work. She can handle Duncan."

 

"You better not be comparing my kid to the ones she worked with at that sister school Hunter complained about non-stop," Emmett growls, "He griped about Molly getting her rotator cuff torn there when I called him over the summer."

 

"I'm not comparing Duncan to those kids. They had a lot of diagnoses there, so I shouldn't call them bad. Regardless, Duncan isn't anything like them," Justin says, "He's one of the best kids on the planet and you and I both know it. He just isn't the best kid on the planet right now."

 

There's a pause on the line, as if Emmett is weighing his options, before he speaks again.

 

"Okay," Emmett sighs, "Alright. When he's calm, if Molly feels comfortable talking to him about Lily, she can. I don't know what to say about Eric. If he doesn't ask, don't bring it up. I don't see him doing this, but if he asks about Eric specifically for whatever reason and really pushes on it, I suppose tell him that...tell him that Eric died and is in a better place."

 

Justin lets out a tortured sound, "Fuck, Emmett, but he hasn't yet-"

 

"But he will," Emmett interrupts, "And Duncan will understand that. He's not going to understand things like 'clinically brain dead' or how Eric is only technically alive because of some machines until things can get sorted. But I...I would rather wait until Drew or I can talk to him about Eric. I don't want to put that kind of announcement on any of you. Take it from me, it's the worst fucking thing to tell a person. I've done it plenty today."

 

Justin takes a moment to comprehend that, to comprehend how big of a burden Emmett took on by going up there and sorting everything out when it came to the family. Suddenly, Justin's heart aches for Emmett too.

 

"Are you doing okay?" Justin asks softly, already knowing the answer.

 

Emmett lets out a humorless laugh, "No, Justin. I'm really not."

-------------------------------

When Justin returns to the living room, both Molly and Hunter are sitting on the couch and Duncan is in Molly's lap with his head resting on her shoulder as she strokes his head. At first, Justin thinks the little boy is asleep. It wouldn't be surprising if he had worn himself out. But as soon as Justin gets a better look at him, he can see Duncan's eyes are open, his gaze following Justin as he comes closer to the couch.

 

"Uh, Molly?" Justin says softly, causing Molly and Hunter to look up at him, "I just got off the phone. No new news, but we can uh...We can talk about Lily now."

 

Molly nods and Duncan immediately sits up, turning to look at Molly expectantly.

 

"You did a good job at calming down," Molly tells him, and it's weird to hear her like this, patient, understanding, structured, and maternal. He knows that Molly had been a good teacher in the sense that she fought the school board for more curriculars and truly cared about the kids, but he had thought she had wanted to leave because she didn't like the job. And maybe she hadn't. Her boss was a dick. But now Justin knows her dislike hadn't come from not liking to teach children or work with children. It had to come from the lack of challenges, both in the easiness of elementary school science and the fact that Molly is a pro at dealing with the more difficult behaviors. She's definitely better than him. Probably better than their own parents had been. He's never been more relieved to have her around - for his own kids coming in a matter of months and for Duncan right now.

 

"Do you think you can stay calm while we talk?" She asks him as Duncan nods vigorously.

 

"Yes, I stay calm," Duncan says, his big brown eyes still slightly wet with tears, "I can do that. I'm sorry I got so mad. I'm sorry I shoved you."

 

"I know you're sorry, it's okay," Molly smiles, "If you get really upset again - and it's okay if you do - what can you do instead of shoving people or throwing things? Think of three ways you can calm down."

 

Duncan puts one finger up, "I play with Stella. 'Cause she loves me and helps me feel better."

 

"Good idea, that's one," Molly nods, "What's number two?"

 

"I draw. Justin can help!" Duncan says, bouncing slightly in Molly's lap.

 

"Sure, Duncan," Justin says, reaching over to rub Duncan's shoulder, "I can draw with you."

 

"Alright, that was number two," Molly says, "What's number three?"

 

Duncan stares at Molly for a moment, then softly asks, "I talk to Lily? I call her."

 

Molly sighs, "She can't talk right now, sweetie."

 

"But why?" Duncan sniffles.

 

Molly purses her lips, "Lily got very hurt in an accident. She's in the hospital in a different city right now. The doctors gave her a lot of medicine so that she will sleep for a few days-"

 

"Days?!" Duncan yells, putting his hands on top of his head as if he can't believe what he's hearing, "How?!"

 

"It's a medicine that keeps her really sleepy, so that she won't wake up until they stop giving it to her," Molly says, "It's so she won't be in pain and won't move around. It will make it so she'll heal a little faster."

 

"What…" Duncan starts out, distressed, "What happened?"

 

"A really big accident on a train. A lot of people got hurt," Molly says sadly, "Lily has some broken bones, some bandages, some other stuff going on too. She's going to be hurt for a while. She's going to need a lot of help and love whenever she does get back."

 

Duncan nods his head vigorously and points to his chest, "I will help her. I will help her because I love her."

 

"I know you do," Molly says, "But that's why you can't talk to Lily right now. I'm sorry, Duncan."

 

Duncan nods sadly, mulling over the words Molly just said to him before meeting her eyes again, "I talk to you. Since Lily is asleep and Daddy and Pa are helping her. I talk to you. That's number three."

 

Molly shrugs and smiles, "I'm cool with that. You ready for dinner? It probably needs heat up again. We should go check."

 

Justin and Hunter hang back as Duncan follows Molly towards the kitchen, maybe not happily, but more content than the little boy had been since they first arrived.

 

"Yeah," Justin says, "I'm just going to sign the twins over to Molly when they're born. Have fun being a parent."

 

Hunter turns his head towards him and glares, only to let out a small laugh, the lightest sound he's heard from Hunter all day.

 

"You're a dick," Hunter says, shaking his head but then he smiles softly, "...She is great though, isn't she?"

 

"Yeah," Justin agrees, finally letting himself smile as well, "She is."

Chapter End Notes:

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