Chapter 3

Brian sat in first class.  He hoped he had made the right decision. He wanted to wake Justin up and make love to him but he left him sleep and slipped out without disturbing him.  Before he even boarded the plane, he started his preparations. He had Ted checking into some things for him and as he settled in for the long flight he tried to get back into work mode but no matter what he read his favorite blondes flashed in his mind.  He knew he had missed him but he had forgotten how much he really loved that man. And Aiden, could a little boy get sweeter or more beautiful.  Brian finally closed his computer and closed his eyes to take a nap. As he drifted off to sleep his mind went to his family.  They had to be his family.

Justin couldn’t believe how quiet the cabin was without Brian.  Several times throughout the first day he turned to talk to Brian only to remember he had gone home.   Aiden was looking for him, too. He crawled around the couch several times, followed by GC, but eventually stopped at Justin’s feet and pulled himself up. “Dadadada,” he reached up.

“I know, I miss him, too.  I wish I knew that he really has changed or that he would continue to feel that way. He is beautiful, isn’t he? I had forgotten how beautiful he really was. Do you think…”  Aiden started patting his cheeks and then he leaned forward to kiss him,

“Dadadada,” Aiden said with conviction.

“Alright, you’re right.  Let’s go get some fresh air.” 

Ted met Brian at the airport.  “It’s about time you got back to work.” Ted patted Brian on his back. Once they got in the car, Ted continued, “So Justin showed up? How is he? How does he look?”

“Are you seriously asking how Justin Taylor looks? He is gorgeous as ever and his little boy….god, Aiden is perfect. He is so like his daddy and he is just so sweet.  I miss him already,” Brian said as his voice drifted off.

“And you left GC? Does that mean Justin is bringing him back….that’s what the email was about.”

“Yes, I didn’t want to call Jenn for this.  Did you call her friend to help me?” Brian asked as they sped down the road.

“Yes,  you have a meeting with him tomorrow morning but I gave him your requirements and he will be emailing you some ideas.  You should have them by the end of the day.”

“Ted, this has to be perfect.  I need to show him that I have changed, that I can be the husband and father he wants to be with.”

Ted glanced his way, “Brian, I know you have changed and I will be the first to tell him.  Did you tell him about the nonprofit you started?”

“Ted, I don’t want people to tell him I’ve changed.  I want him to see it. When he left…” Brian stopped talking.

“I was angry with him when he left you.   I know you weren’t the perfect husband but no one is.  You loved him and he knew that.”

“Yes, he did but I didn’t prioritise.  Rather than bringing him in at work, I pushed him away.  He was supposed to be my partner in every way.  That might have been a mistake.  Maybe he needed his own business.  That’s what he is going to do now.  I am hoping he will decide to start it in the old office.  He wants to focus on graphic design which would overlap with my advertising.  For the clients that want a more detailed design, Sunshine can assist.  It will stay in the family. I hope he will take on the designer I hired.  She is good but young and needs guidance.  I think she will be a great assistant for him.”

“Brian, can I make a suggestion?” Brian nodded.  “Don’t rush this on him?  Let him make the decisions. If he asks for suggestions or help  then give it to him.”

“Oh, that’s right, do you have anyone in your line of work that we can trust to help with his finances?  This is his idea,” Brian stated at the end of the question.

“I know a few guys.  Let me check if any of them are looking for a new client.” 

“Thanks, Ted.”  

The two men caught up on what was going on at the office the  remainder of the ride.  By the time they pulled into the underground garage, Brian was actually anxious to get to work.  His life was looking brighter than it had in a long time.

Brian worked a couple hours before he needed to leave Kinnetik.  He had to make a stop before going home and looking for the email Ted promised him.  He drove to Liberty Avenue and stopped at the two story house about two blocks from the diner.  As Brian reached for the doorknob, the door flew open and two young men rushed out.

“Oh sorry, Mr. Kinney.  Welcome back.”

“Wow, Josh, you look great!”

“Thanks.  I’m a lot better. Oh, this is Greg.  He moved in about two weeks ago.  Greg, this is Brian.  He is the owner….sorry, he is one of the supporters of ‘A Safe Place to Lay’.

The young man didn’t say anything but smiled and nodded at Brian.  As the boys walked away, Brian had to smile when he heard Greg say, “He’s hot for an old guy.  Do you think he would do me?”

“Na, nothing against you.  He is a legend on Liberty but I don’t think he ever trolled the avenue but that’s because he never had to pay for it.”

The last part drifted off as Brian went inside. An hour later Brian walked out.  As he drove off he thought about the program he had helped start.  The house was just what the name said.  There was room for up to 10 teenage boys. They could stay there free as long as they did a few chores a week and signed a waiver that they could stay there as long as they needed to and they would get help finding a job and if they wanted to go to college there were scholarships and grants they could get help applying for.  They had already had eight young men that had gone to college and had completed or were working on their degrees.  Brian stopped by a couple times a week to meet any new boys and to check if anything else was needed for the program.

When Brian arrived at the loft he ate the Thai he had bought on the way home and checked his email while he ate.  He found the email he was looking for and started looking at pictures.   This is how the next two weeks repeated themselves.  He would go to work and then stop by The Place or go straight home to look at the new email and finally at the end of the second week Brian opened the pictures and shouted, “Yes!”  He picked up the phone and called the real estate agent.

“Mr. Kinney, was I right? The one I sent you tonight.  I know it needs some work but it has the land you wanted and the house will just need to be updated.  I am sure the kitchen and bathrooms will need renovation but the actual plumbing is in good shape.  The electrical was redone a few years ago so it is all superficial.”

“Can we go look at it in the morning?” Brian asked.

“Sure, if you can make it early, about 8:00.  I have another commitment at 10 but if we go separately, you could spend a little more time in the area after I have to leave.”

Brian got the directions and before he hung up the agent said one more thing, “Oh, and Mr. Kinney?”

“Yes.”

“The whole property is fenced in so it is perfect for a boy and his dog.”

By 10:00 am Brian was waiting for a contractor to meet him at the new house he had just made an unbeatable offer on. By noon, he was on his way back to the loft.  He needed to talk to Sunshine.  He wasn’t going to tell him the news just yet but he still wanted to hear his voice.   They had talked several times, usually very late at night when Justin had put Aiden down for the night.  The time difference made it difficult for them to connect every day.  

Brian called Justin as soon as he was home.  He was excited because he knew Aid would be awake and Justin said he would do a video call so he could talk to Aiden too.

“Hey, Sunshine.”  Brian’s stomach fluttered seeing Justin’s smiling face.  

“Hi Brian.  Someone wants to talk to you.”

Aiden’s beautiful face appeared and he babbled for several moments as if he was telling Brian a story.  Brian nodded his head and responded as if he understood every word and then both Brian and Justin laughed.

“You are looking good, Justin.  You look more relaxed and, if I’m not mistaken, you have put on a couple pounds.”

“I think I have.  And yes, I am relaxed.  That friend of Ted has helped me look at some business options.  I think I will be able to make a go of it.  He said that the service I want to offer is in demand right now.”

“He is right.  I hired someone to help with that at Kinnetik but, although she is very good, she needs someone to take the lead.  I was thinking if I start passing those customers to you, maybe I’ll have to let her go.  She’s good but I don’t think she will be happy doing anything else.”  As they talked, Justin let Brian watch Aiden get around the room and he could see he was now taking a few more independent steps here and there.

“So what you are saying is you have someone hired for me to hire from you?”

“Of course you don’t have to but she is very good.  Sonya has a lot of talent but not a lot of experience.”

“I’ll talk to her once I get to that point.” Justin turned the phone so he could see Brian.  “Aiden misses you.”

“How about Aiden’s daddy?”

“You know I miss you but it doesn’t matter how much I miss you, it doesn’t mean we are meant to be together.” Brian opened his mouth but Justin interrupted him before he could start to talk. “But I am willing to wait and see what happens”

“That is the best I can expect.  I love you, Justin.  I love Aiden.  I was thinking, maybe I could fly out for a weekend.”

“Brian, I’d rather you didn’t.  As much as I want to kiss those lips and…” Justin shivered from the thought of what Brian could do to him. “I want this time.  Oh, GC found a skunk the other day…”

A half hour later they said goodbye.  Brian wasn’t sure how he would survive the rest of the separation but he definitely had things to keep him busy.  

Justin sat on the porch with the door open.  GC laid on the floor with his head resting on Justin’s foot.  Next to him sat a baby monitor.  He bought one after Brian left, realizing he enjoyed having GC with him when he didn’t have Brian to talk to so it had been the routine that GC would wait until Aiden was asleep and then he would come down and join Justin on the porch.  The dog stretched and sat up, putting his head on Justin’s knee.

“What do you think, boy? Has he really changed? You should know, you live with him. He told me there hasn’t been anyone else.  Has someone been around a lot?”  GC made a little yip and looked up into Justin’s eyes.  “Oh, GC, I just don’t know.  I can’t risk doing anything that could end up hurting Aiden.  I brought him into this world and I promised to always be there for him.  I don’t even know if we should be in Pittsburgh.  I just know I need support and I have that in Pittsburgh.” GC moved and put his paws on his knees and licked Justin’s face.  Justin hugged the dog. “I’m so glad you are here.”

Time moved on. May turned into June and June turned into July. By mid June, Justin was having a hard time getting Brian when he called.  And when he did get him to answer, he was always so tired he could barely stay awake.  Justin had asked him why but he avoided answering his questions.  On the 4th of July he tried calling him first thing in the morning when it went to voicemail Justin was pissed. He called his mom because he needed to talk to someone.

“Happy 4th, Sweety!  How is that gorgeous grandson of mine?”

“He is perfect, Mom.  You won’t believe how much he is growing.”

“Are you going to be here soon?” Jenn asked.

“Probably three weeks.  I am going to get my final reservations set by the end of the week.”

“You are staying in Pittsburgh, right?”

“Mom, I don’t know how long I will stay.  I will   definitely stay for a while but I’m not sure it is the best place for us.”

“What’s he done?”

“Has he talked to you lately?”

“You know, I saw him in my partner’s office the other day.  Well, I saw him leave and my partner just never did give me a direct answer when I asked why he was there.”

“I just tried to call him and he didn’t answer.  Mom, I just wonder if  there is someone else. I don’t expect you to know that.  Did he use your partner when he bought his new office?”

“He did.  Maybe it had something to do with the rental space he has at one corner of the building.  Justin, you can’t come back just for him but you also can’t not come because of him.  Honey, you need to live for you and Aiden, not for Brian Kinney.”

“Mom, are you still angry with him?”

“I really am not.  I know he hurt you but I think you had a little growing up to do, too.”

“I did.  I often wonder if I over reacted by moving across the country but I knew if I didn’t move, he would have lured me right back into his bed. I just couldn’t …. I love him, Mom.”

“I know you do, Justin.  If I find out what he’s up to I will let you know and I can’t wait to hold that little boy.  I hope you have lots planned because I have taken off so I can have quality time with my grandson.”

After talking a few minutes more, they said goodbye and  almost immediately Jenn was back on the phone calling her partner. By the time she got off the phone with him, Jenn headed to the car.  She had to take a short drive.  Less than fifteen minutes later, she was turning into a circular driveway.  It was obvious that there had been major construction going on recently.  Being a holiday there were no workman’s trucks but there was a jeep parked by the front door.  Brian was definitely here. She walked to the door and rang the bell.  

“About time you got your ass here, Ted! I expected you….”  Brian stopped talking when he saw Jenn standing there.  “Hi, Jenn.  I didn’t expect you here. I told him not to…”

“Don’t blame my partner. I talked to Justin and he is sure you are hiding something from him.  He is thinking it is another man.”

“Oh, shit.  I have been so busy trying to get this done before he arrives.  I will call him later and try to make it up to him.  But since you are here, can I show you around?”

“Brian, you know he hasn’t made up his mind yet.”

“I know, Jenn.  And I don’t want this place to be the reason he comes back to me but if he decides he is willing to try again, I want a place to raise Aiden and a place for GC to run.  I have been thinking about moving out of the loft for a long time.  Do you want to look around?”

Jenn looked around the entry for the first time.  The entrance was open with amazing original woodwork.  “Brian, this place is amazing.  I remember seeing pictures of this but I never actually toured it before.  This is stunning. I am so glad you didn’t change the woodwork.”

“Will you look at the kitchen for me? Most of the work was done in there and the bathrooms.  The rest was just cosmetics.” Brian moved out of the way and motioned for Jenn to move further into the kitchen.

She looked around at the appliances and glanced out to the backyard. “Did you put the swing set in?”

“I didn’t.  I did put new swings on it….well I had new swings put on it. Let me show you the master bath.” Jenn followed Brian up stairs and into a large, bright room.  The wall color was parchment with accents of burgundy and midnight blue. 

“Brian, this room is gorgeous.” She walked into the bathroom.  “Are you sure the shower is big enough?”

Brian put his arm around her shoulders, “Well, I needed to make sure there was enough room for two.”

Jenn pushed him away. “And is Aiden’s room at the other end of the hall?”

Brian opened a door Jenn had thought was a closet. It opened into a nursery.  Jenn looked at the mural on the wall.  Winnie the Pooh held hands with Piglet as they walked through the forest. “Aiden loves Pooh.  I read it too him a few times while I was there.”

“Brian, this room is precious.  The house is lovely and I couldn’t imagine a greater place for my son and grandson to live but you aren’t trying to buy him?”

“Jenn, this house is for the two of them.  I hope they will let me live here with them but no matter what I want them to have it.  It is safe for a boy and his dog with the fence around it.  It is a great location for you to visit.  There is room for Molly to stay overnight if she wants to.  I love him, Jenn.  I will do anything to have him happy with or without me in his life.” Brian walked out onto the little balcony.  Jenn followed him. 

“Brian,if you hurt him again you will have to deal with me but I get the feeling you are serious.   Call him.  Don’t make a stupid mistake trying to do something good.  I’ll show myself out.”

Brian stood there and heard Jenn say something in the distance only to hear footsteps coming closer.  

“Brian, where are you?” Ted’s voice came from out in the hall somewhere.

“Down here.” Brian responded as he moved back into the bedroom, shutting the doors behind him.

“Nice place!” Ted said as he walked in.  “Has Justin agreed to move in with you?”

“I am hoping he will move in here when he gets to town.  I’ll stay in the loft until he invites me to move in here.”

“When is he coming?  Looks like this place is done except for some final touch ups here and there.”

“It is.  That’s why we are going shopping today.  The painting will be done in the next couple days and then I have a cleaning crew coming in to get everything ready for the furniture that we pick today.  I am just getting a few basics right now so don’t worry, this won’t take all day and then when Justin moves in we can pick out the rest.”

“You are really ready for all this?”

“I should have been ready three years ago when I was married to him.  I dropped the ball and before I drop it again, I need to call him.  I don’t think it will take long.  Grab a beer out of the fridge and check out the house and backyard while I try to get a hold of him.”

As Ted walked away, Brian grabbed his phone which was laying on a window sill.  He saw he had missed a couple calls from Justin.  He pressed the screen and the phone started to ring at the other end.

“Wait a sec.” Brian could hear some noise on the other end and then he heard Justin’s voice again.  “I’m back.  I had to make sure Aiden was corralled.  He has caught on to this walking thing far too well.”  There was a pause and when he came back on his tone was less loving.  “You haven’t been available much lately.”

“Oh, Sunshine, I promise that is over.  I had a project I wanted to get finished and it is done now.  I promise when you get here, you two are my top priority.  You know a couple times of year I will have a large project but I promise it will not happen often, and I will warn you when it does.”

“So what were you doing at my mom’s office last week?”

Brian smiled to himself.  “I actually was closing a deal with him.  I was going to talk to you about it later today and yes it is the project I was working on.  I am hoping you’ll agree to my suggestion.  But I have Ted waiting to help me with something.  Can I call you and tell you all about it after Aiden is sleeping tonight?”

“Sure.  I’ll call you about 10:00 your time.”

“Sunshine, I love you.”

“I’ll talk to you tonight.”

Brian walked out of the room to find Ted.  Had he blown it with Justin because he had spent too much time at their house?  He really needed to focus.  Maybe counseling would help them. Who said that? 

“Ted, what do you think?”  

“I’d marry you to live in this place,” Ted laughed.

“I’m not sure he will move in and if he does I’m not sure he will let me move in with him.  Ted, you have got to meet Aiden.  He is the most amazing little boy.  You can tell he is as smart as Sunshine.  And he is so sweet.”

“Brian, it is so obvious you love them both.  I’ll talk to…”

“Don’t.  I want him to figure it out for himself.  I hope he will stay here.  If he insists on paying rent, I’ll let him but I hope he will just stay here and maybe pay me in favors.” Brian grinned at him. “Don’t tell him I said that either. Even if he said he wouldn’t screw me, I would be happy if he would let me be around.  I have missed him so much. I was never sure how he went from an amazing screw to the man I couldn’t live without.  And then he was the man I had to learn to live without him.”

“I know you never thought you would love someone.  And you know I always thought that was the wrong attitude.”

“How has that love thing worked for you?”

“Brian, I am not you.  I don’t look like you.  I’’

“Ted, you are not an ugly man and you are kind and gentle.  Just like I didn’t feel I knew how to love, you seem to think you have nothing to offer a man.  You have so much to offer.”

“Brian, I think I might have found the right one.”

“You sly dog, and you didn’t even tell me?”

“Do you really think I will bring a boyfriend to meet you right away? I have a hard enough time keeping a man.  The last thing I want is for him to see you.”

“So I don’t know him?”

“No, you don’t.  He just moved to town.  He’s actually a doctor.”

“Oh, a doctor?” Brian rolled his eyes but smiled.  “You deserve anyone you want, Theodore.”

“Maybe after Justin gets back we can go out, the four of us.  I’d like you to meet James.”

“I think Justin would go for that.  I really don’t know what he will or won’t go for but I think he will be more willing to do things with other people.”

“You really are willing to do whatever it takes to get him back, aren’t you?”

“I am not sure what I will do if he isn’t willing to work at getting back together.”

“Do you have any reason to think he won’t?”

“I have given up trying to understand.  All I know is I love him and I want him in my life.” Brian took a breath and said, “You done with that beer? I want to do some furniture shopping.”

Justin spent the day outside with Aiden.  He had filled a small blow up pool with water earlier in the week and the water had warmed up comfortably.  Aiden and GC splashed in it for a good part of the afternoon. Justin watched his son and realized he missed Brian.  He missed the conversation, the companionship, and obviously, the sex.   He wasn’t going to jump back into the marriage.  What had he been up to the last few weeks.  He had connected every couple days but if you really love someone, shouldn’t you want to talk daily? Or was he just being overly critical.  He had been so hurt when he left.  It had been their anniversary and he had totally blown him off.  That was just the last straw.  He had tried to get involved with the company but Brian just kept pushing him away.  He was not some delicate flower.  He had to move on or lose who he actually was.  

But he knew life is better when you shared it.  He hoped …. He stopped Aiden mid dash as he was going to run after GC toward the woods.  “I don’t think so young man.  I promise we will go for one more walk in the woods before we leave.  We will go see if we can find birds and squirrels and rabbits.  Oh, look, Aiden.  There is a bunny right there.”  Aiden squealed and the rabbit took off.  Justin laughed and rolled on the ground with him and they both laughed.  “You aren’t very sneaky, little guy.”

As the day went on a storm began to roll in. Justin called GC to the cabin and all of them went in before the rain began. An hour later the wind was blowing and the rain was coming down horizontally.  The cabin trembled as the thunder shook the windows, scaring Aiden with each new crash.  Justin got him to eat a little dinner but then he fell asleep in Justin’s arms, crying every time he thought Justin was going to put him down.   Eventually, Justin laid down with him on his bed and GC jumped up to lay behind him and he finally fell into a deep sleep.  Justin knew he needed to call Brian.  It was getting late on the East Coast.  He had heard his phone vibrate about half an hour ago and he was fairly sure that would have been him.  He slipped out of the bed and softly told GC to stay.  He moved right outside the door where he could see his boy just a bit and he called Brian.

“Sunshine, where have you been? I was worried.  When you didn’t answer I looked up the weather over there and saw you had a horrible storm today.  Is everything alright?”

“Ya, the storm was pretty wild.  It is still raining but it calmed down now.  Aiden was not happy but he finally settled down.”

“Oh, Sunshine, I don’t like the two of you being there alone.  What if something happened to you? What would happen to Aiden?”

“Gee, thanks, Bri.  I needed to hear that.”

“I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean it that way but I’m worried about both of you and I miss you so much. Please tell me you are coming here soon.”

“I had planned to stay a couple more weeks but after the storm today, I think I will see about getting out of here sooner.  I was going to start looking for a place for us to stay.  I thought I might find a place and sign a 6 month lease.  That way if the business doesn’t pan out and I find a job somewhere else I could leave then.”

“I hope you don’t leave but I have a place for you to stay.”

“Bri, I am not moving in with you.  We are not moving in with you.”

“I know that.  That’s why I bought a house.”

“Brian, you are doing just what I don’t want you to do.  I don’t want you planning my life.”

“Justin, that’s not the way I mean it.  I had been looking for a place.  I enjoy the loft but GC needs room so, shortly after I got home from Montana, your mom’s partner found this place.  It is a great house with a large fenced yard.  GC will love it and it even has a swing already.”

“But, Brian, I am not ready to move in together.”

“No, This is for the two of you and GC.  I hope you will let me spend time there. I miss your little boy.  I miss you, Sunshine.  I love you so much.”

“Brian, I just can’t...I need to take this a day at a time.  I need time to get my life into place and if you are willing to fit our lives together, I will think about it.”

“Justin, I will do anything to have you back in my life. I know I screwed up.”I 

“Ya, you did but I wasn’t perfect by any means.  I screwed up, too.  I should have made you go to counseling instead of running away.”

“I am willing to do that, Justin.  I can see my mistakes now. Ted was around today and I told him I would be willing to do anything to get back with you.”

“You would really do that?”

“Come home and I will work through anything with you.”

Aiden started crying in the bed and GC barked making sure Justin heard him.  “I have to go, Bri.  Aiden…”

“I can hear him.  Can I talk to him?”

“Sure.  I’m here, Aiden.  Daddy’s here.  Do you want to talk to Brian?”  Justin switched to video mode and, as Aiden crawled into his daddy’s lap on the bed he reached for the phone.  

“Hi, Aiden, I’m sorry you were scared tonight.  You know your daddy would never let anything happen to you.”

“Babababa,” Aiden reached for the phone and kissed it. 

Brian swallowed hard. “Oh, Aiden, you are such a good boy.  Sunshine, I love him so much.  I love you.  I will do anything to make us work. Just say it and I’ll do it.  I love you, Aiden.  Take good care of your daddy.”  

“Brian, I have to get him settled down again.  “I'll let you know when we are coming home.”

The phone went dead and Brian lay back in his lonely bed.   No matter what it took, he was going to win Justin over and if he had to he would hit below the belt and win Aiden over to pull Justin back into his life permanently.