Chapter 10

“Daddy, how are you?” Gus exclaimed as he came into the room and nearly ran over to Brian's side. Brian had gotten out of bed earlier and had moved to the small table and chairs in his room and had settled there to read the day's newspaper.

“Hey, sonny boy,” Brian greeted back as he engulfed Gus in a hug and held him close. After letting go of his son, he reluctantly turned around, expecting to find Justin in his room as well. He wasn't sure if he was relieved or disappointed when he saw Daphne instead.

“Daphne,” he nodded at her, allowing her to greet him as well and sit down on the other side of the table.

“Justin was busy today, so he asked me to take Gus here,” she explained quietly and Brian left no doubt about what he thought of that.

“Yeah, I am sure he was,” he muttered, before he stopped himself, hearing Gus' small voice interrupt him.

“He has to finish a painting for some clients of his and he said he had to catch up on that as he was already far behind.”

“Yeah, I am sure my appearance must have really cut into his time to paint,” Brian said quietly, trying to keep his voice as neutral as he could muster under the circumstances. Gus nodded at his statement, apparently not catching on to the tension in his father, but Daphne sure had. She just eyed Brian from sad eyes, then slowly shook her head as if to ask him to not continue this conversation in front of Gus.

Knowing that she was right, Brian just took a deep breath and then focused on his son.

The two hours that Gus had been over to visit, had been more enjoyable than Brian had expected them to be and in the end he had been glad for his son's visit. It had cheered him up and if only for a short time had steered his thoughts away from Justin and that Ethan guy he was now living with.

Before they got ready to leave, Daphne asked Gus to head down to the cafeteria and get himself and Brian a snack. Gus was excited to go and it gave Daphne and Brian a chance to have a talk on their own.

“Brian, I...,” Daphne started, but didn't get any further before Brian interrupted her.

“So that's what it's going to be like now? He's going to ignore me while my son lives with him and his partner?”

“Brian, he's not ignoring you,” Daphne started and just went on when Brian raised an eyebrow in doubt. “Really, he's not. I am sure if you were to call him now, he would take the call.”

“You know what I mean,” Brian muttered, slowly making his way back to his bed and flopping down on it.

“He's just trying to do what's right,” Daphne argued.

“And what would that be?”

“He wants to give you some time and space to accept that things have changed,” she explained quietly.

“Things have changed? Really? You wouldn't say. I didn't notice...,” Brian muttered, making it obvious how little he cared for her explanations.

“What do you want me to say?” Daphne asked, looking him straight in the eyes.

“I... I...,” Brian started, but then didn't really know. What did he want? Well, obviously not Justin living with another man, but apparently that was what was happening and there was nothing he could do about it. He ran his hand through his hair in exasperation and sighed. “So what's going to happen now?”

Daphne shrugged. “Obviously, Gus will still come by to come and see you every day. That won't change.”

“Great,” Brian muttered sarcastically, as if he had really been concerned about that. “He's my son, why wouldn't he?”

“I just mean that...God, Brian. Look, I am sorry, okay? I am sorry that things between you and Justin are rough right now.”

“Rough?” Brian laughed a humourless laugh. “He just dropped that bomb on me and left. And then nothing but silence. I am not sure if rough is the right word for it.”

“He feels guilty,” Daphne said quietly. “And he feels bad for hurting you.”

“Guilty? What for? For going on and living his life when he thought I was dead?” Brian snarked, then took a deep breath. “There were never any locks on our doors. He was always free to leave and look for someone else.”

“Brian, you know that's not what happened here,” Daphne gave back quietly. “He mourned your death. He and Gus both did. We all thought you had died and he has tried his best to be there for Gus and raise him in the best way possible. You can't be angry about that.”

“Who says I am angry?” Brian asked, but didn't say anything else when Daphne didn't reply and just looked at him as if to say 'Really?'.

“I am not angry,” Brian sighed after several minutes.

“If you say so,” Daphne just gave back, but stopped when the door to Brian's room opened and Gus came back.

They stayed another half an hour, enjoying the snacks Gus had brought back from the cafeteria, before it was time for Gus and Daphne to head off.

Over the course of the next week, these kind of visits repeated. Gus was either taken to see Brian by Daphne or Emmett but Justin had yet to make another appearance.

With the help of Daphne and her contacts at the Red Cross, Brian had found emergency accomodation, a small, but nice apartment which he moved into when the hospital deemed him fine enough to leave their care.

He had gained some weight, had gotten over the effects of his hypothermia and dehydration and was doing as well as he could under the circumstances. The doctors had advised him that he still needed to put on more weight, but there was no reason why he shouldn't be able to do that at home instead of in a hospital. As far as they were concerned, he was fine and they had given him all the contacts, they thought he might need in the future, including that of a therapist who dealth with trauma and PTSD. Everyone knew that it was a fat chance that Brian would ever go and see that therapist, but at least the hospital had done its part.

For the first couple of days, Gus came and visited Brian in his apartment each day after school and they spent the late afternoons together. Brian would help Gus with his homework, they would go shopping and Gus would help Brian decorate his apartment and if the weather allowed it, they went to the park together, so Gus could show Brian his soccer skills. There had still been no word from Justin though and the longer the young man's silence lasted, the more pissed Brian got.

So pissed, that one day he made a call he might come to regret later on.

Justin walked up to the door and froze when he saw who was on the other side. He opened the door once he could think again and took a deep breath. “Brian, what are you doing here?”

“You don't visit, don't call and don't write, Sunshine,” Brian drawled as he leaned against the door frame. “What's a man gonna think about that?”

“Brian,” Justin sighed. “You know why...”

Brian just ignored what Justin had said and looked past him into the house. “Aren't you going to invite me in? Show me where my son lives? I mean... it seems only fair seeing how my money paid for this house, right?”

Justin's mouth opened in shock, but no sound came out of it. He wordlessly moved aside, letting Brian inside. After all the man had been right, his money had paid for this house. What was there to reply to that?

“Do you want anything to drink?” Justin asked after an uncomfortable silence had settled between them as they stood in the living-room.

“Nah, I am good,” Brian gave back, as he walked through the room and took in the way it was decorated. It looked nice and comfy, like a family home. He could see some of Gus' school stuff on the dining room table, saw what looked like musical notes on the sofa, but more than anything the pictures on the mantelpiece and on the walls told him as much. Pictures of Justin and Gus, but also pictures of another young man with them, a man he hadn't yet met, yet already knew who he was.

“So, that's Ian, I take it?” Brian asked as he nodded to one of the pictures that showed a younger, dark haired man with Gus and Justin.

“Ethan,” Justin replied quietly, watching Brian as he took in the room and the pictures on the walls.

Totally ignoring Justin's correction, Brian studied the picture closer. “Hmmmm, cute I guess. Never thought that would be your type, though.” He turned around and touched his chin. “Didn't think you had a thing for dead animals on your face.”

Justin sighed impatiently. “Brian...”

“I told you, you don't visit, you don't call. What's a man got to do to speak to you?”

“You could have told Daphne or Gus. I could have given you a call,” Justin pointed out, before he moved over to the armchair and sank down in it.

“Ah, but you see, why involve other people in our business?” Brian drawled, before he leaned against the mantelpiece, looking at Justin from curious eyes. “So, ignoring me until the end of all times... was that your grand plan for the future?”

Justin ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “No... I didn't have any plan, really,” he finally admitted.

“You drop a bomb like that on me and then just disappear. Not nice, Sunshine...”

“I thought it was for the best,” Justin shrugged.

“For you? Or for me?”

“Brian, what do you want me to say? That I am sorry? Yeah, I fucking am. That I wish things were different? Well... maybe... but... it is what it is and I thought not having to see me was the best for you.”

“Awwww, so much concern for me. My heart feels so warmed by that much concern.”

“Look, if you're just here to be sarcastic, I think it's better if you leave.”

“We need to talk,” Brian said, interrupting Justin, before he could go on.

Justin nodded slowly, before he met Brian's eyes. “Okay. What about?”

“Gus, for starters. Finances. Those kind of things.”

Justin nodded, his whole body tense. He tried to act nonchalantly, but it was very obvious that he wasn't. “What about Gus?”

“How to go on now that I am no longer in the hospital. He's my son, he wants to spend time with me...”

At that point Justin interrupted. “Which he does, every day.”

“Ah Sunshine, two hours a day is not really what I had in mind. And I doubt it's what he had in mind.”

“So, what are you saying?”

“I want Gus to move in with me,” Brian declared, looking Justin straight in the eye as he said it.

“WHAT?” Justin's mouth dropped open in shock. Yes, he had been scared of this for weeks now, but being scared of something and then hearing it come true were still two very different things.

“You heard me.”

“But... this is his home. This is where he has his room, his things...”

“Things can be moved into new rooms,” Brian shrugged.

“Does Gus know about this?” Justin just asked, looking at Brian from shocked eyes.

“Not in detail, no. I haven't talked to him about it yet. I know though that he wants to spend more time with me.”

“Which means spending less time with me and Ethan,” Justin pointed out to which Brian only shrugged.

“Brian... this is his home. We are his family.”

“I am not saying that he can't ever see you again,” Brian pointed out. “I am just saying that I want him to move in with me.”

“And where would he live? You don't even have room for him in your apartment.”

“And how would you know that, never having been there?” Brian asked, but then waved Justin's comment and his own question away. “It doesn't matter really, I am sure your bestie has kept you in the loop. Which really brings me to the next point: Finances. I need statements for the account that I set up in Canada.”

Justin nodded, not really shocked anymore by this point. And after all, Brian was right, it was his money. He had set up the account in Canada for a better future outside of Gilead at a time when Justin had been a poor student, not able to contribute at all to their costs. It had been Brian's money that had bought them this house, it had been Brian's money that had paid for his studies. He couldn't deny Brian access to his own account now that he was in need of money.

“I can set up a meeting with the accountant in care of that account,” Justin replied, trying to get his head around everything that had been said in this conversation.

“Great!” Brian said, before he moved over towards the door. “I guess that was it, really. See? That wasn't too painful, was it, Sunshine?”

'Maybe not for you', Justin thought to himself, but thought better than to say it out loud. Instead he just shrugged. “What about the money from the account that has been spent? On this house, on my studies? I expect you want me to repay that?”

Brian stopped in his tracks and looked at Justin for the longest time. “Don't be stupid, Sunshine,” he finally said, his eyes never leaving Justin's. “I told you that money was set up for our future in Canada. That includes you and Gus.”

And with that Brian left without another word, but the way he had said 'our future in Canada' had told Justin all he needed to know about how hurt Brian really was and how Brian was just hiding behind that mask of bravado he had put on for this visit.

Brian might act like he was fine and like he didn't really care and like everything was just one big joke to him, but the way he had looked at Justin, the way he had said 'our future in Canada' had told Justin the truth and it had broken his heart all over again.

***

“He's doing this to hurt me. To lash out at me,” Justin sighed, resting his head on Ethan's chest, allowing his partner to gently caress his arms.

“Jus, stop it. You don't know that. Maybe he really just wants to spend more time with his son,” Ethan argued.

“Ethan, you don't know him as well as I do. I hurt him. I broke his heart, not that he would ever admit it and now... now he's trying to pay me back.”

“Maybe you're just overreacting because you're scared,” Ethan pointed out, gently pulling Justin closer and holding him tighter.

“Of course, I am scared. He wants to take Gus away from us. This is Gus' home. I've been the one raising him for years. What does Brian even know about raising him?”

“He's his father. I am sure he'd figure it out just like you did.”

“Don't you even care at all that he wants to take Gus away from us? How can you just stay so cold and indifferent?” Justin angrily asked, looking up at his partner from disappointed eyes. “I thought you loved Gus.”

“And I do. You know that I love Gus. Don't start doubting that because you're scared. I love Gus and always will, but... and yes, there is a but and you won't like it, Brian is Gus' father. Not you, not me. As much as we would want to be, we are not his fathers, but Brian is. And if Brian wants to raise him, I guess he's got the right to do so. It wouldn't mean that we'll never see Gus again. Maybe you and Brian can come up with an arrangement that would work for everyone involved.”

“How do we even know that he's fit to raise Gus? I mean... hell... nobody knows what happened to him in Gilead. What if he's traumatised and in no condition to take care of Gus?”

“Jus, stop it. You're grasping at straws. Do you really think he would want Gus to live with him if he knew he wasn't fit enough to take care of him? From what you always told me, he loved Gus with all of his being. He sacrificed himself, so Gus would be safe with you in Canada. He doesn't sound like a man, who would do all that for his son only to now put his own best interest before his son's.”

“If it meant getting back at me,” Justin muttered, turning to lie on his back and staring at the ceiling.

“Why?” Ethan asked, looking at Justin from confused eyes. “You've done nothing wrong and I am sure he knows that.”

Justin sighed. “What if he doesn't? What if he's angry with me now for being with you and wants to get back at me because I moved on while whatever happened to him in Gilead happened to him?”

“That doesn't sound like the person you always described to me. When you talked about him, you always described him as loving and caring and doing everything he could to keep the people he loved happy,” Ethan pointed out.

“But what if he's not that person anymore? What if he has changed?” Justin argued.

“You know that there's only one way to find out,” Ethan said quietly.

“Ethan, I can't just act like nothing happened and be friends with him.”

“Nobody's asking you to act like nothing happened, but you can't argue that for Gus' sake, you will have to find a way to communicate with Brian. You can't keep ignoring him like you did last week.”

Justin sighed once more, knowing that Ethan was right. Ethan had urged him all week to go and see Brian and speak to him again, instead of ignoring him. That had been Justin's call, because Justin hadn't known how to face Brian and how to behave around him and Brian's earlier visit had only proven how out of his comfort zone Justin really was.

“You should stop pushing me into my ex-boyfriend's arms like that,” Justin tried to joke, but knew himself that the joke would fall flat. “I might get doubts about my place at your side.”

“I am not pushing you into anyone's arms, but my own,” Ethan gave back, ignoring Justin's bad attempt at humour, instead turning over and wrapping his arms around his partner. He left small kisses all over Justin's throat, before he moved up to his chin and then his lips. “I am just asking you to do the right thing for Gus. Brian is Gus' father after all,” he whispered into the kiss.

After that, they didn't speak about Brian anymore that night.