Chapter 16

They sat in a windowless room on the third floor of the Superior Court of Justice in front of Judge Traynor, a man in his mid-fifties who had clearly seen better days and looked like he was tired of being a judge residing over custody issues. He had this spent look that only people had that had seen too much trauma and sadness in life and Brian didn't even want to think about all the things this judge had heard in this very room.

He was pretty busy thinking about the situation he found himself in which was him and his lawyer on one side of the aisle and Justin, Ethan and their lawyer on the other. He couldn't help but wonder if there would have been any way to avoid this, but no matter how hard he had tried, Justin had been totally unreasonable and had left him no choice but to file papers for custody of Gus. Justin would allow him and Gus to spend time together, but he drew the line at overnight stays and any visit longer than a couple of hours which annoyed the hell out of Brian. Gus was his son, he was Gus' father, not Justin and if he wanted to have Gus stay over for a weekend or a week during his holidays, then he damn well should. In fact, as Gus' father, he should be the one Gus was staying with, not with Justin. Yes, Justin had taken care of Gus for years when Brian couldn't and Brian knew that Justin loved Gus and cared about him like he was his own son, but at the end of the day he wasn't Gus' father. Brian was. Which was the reason why Brian had gotten lawyers involved. He needed Justin to understand that he was not Gus' father and overstepping his boundaries.

Their relationship had only deteriorated more after the custody papers had been served and ever since Justin had pretty much avoided talking to him at all costs, claiming that his lawyer had advised him not to talk to Brian without legal counsel present. If they couldn't avoid talking to each other, it usually ended in huge fights, with both of them blaming the other for being unreasonable and not having Gus' best interest at heart.

Poor Gus had been stuck in the middle, torn between his love for his father and his love for Justin, who had been like a father to him for years as well. Even at 13 years old, Gus had tried to mediate between the two of them, had tried to offer compromises, but it hadn't led anywhere. Now this custody dispute was in the hands of lawyers.

There had been two meetings between them and their lawyers, before it had ended at the family court. Justin's lawyer had offered a custody deal which would still have Gus living with Justin and Ethan, would still allow Justin to call all the shots and most importantly would still not allow overnight visits. Brian had been furious and he and his lawyer had rejected the deal as unacceptable, just like Justin and his lawyer had rejected their deal.

Brian knew that Justin loved Gus and more importantly that his son also loved Justin. He didn't mean to end all contact between them. He knew how important Justin had been to Gus in recent years and he didn't want to end that special relationship between them. He wanted Gus to still have Justin in his life and he and his lawyer had offered what they had considered to be a very fair joint custody agreement. Justin had once again repeated his view that Brian should not be allowed overnight stays as he was in no mental state to take care of his son which Brian had angrily rejected.

In the end they hadn't been able to come to an agreement and the custody trial had moved on to the courts. Where they now found themselves in front of the honourable Judge Traynor.

The judge was currently reading something in a file, before he closed the file, sighed and looked at all of the people gathered in his courtroom.

“Gentlemen, this is a very delicate and sad situation you find yourselves in,” he started, his voice sounding just as sad as he looked exhausted. That man clearly had seen too much bad stuff in his life.

“We are talking about the life of a young boy who has been through more trauma than any child should ever have to endure. Not of your making, mind you, but still... Poor Gus has lost his mothers, lost his father for years, thinking he had died, only to find out that wasn't true and having him in his life again. All of this is very challenging for a boy of his age and it saddens me that between the two of you, you haven't been able to come to a solution yourselves, Mr. Kinney and Mr. Taylor. I don't doubt that either of you have Gus' best interest at heart, but really... is this what's best for Gus? You two here in my courtroom, fighting for who gets to spend more time with him?”

Brian hung his head, knowing that the judge was partly right. Gus had been through enough already and none of what was going on now was good for him. Gus loved both of them, wanted to spend time with both of them and was now caught in the middle while Brian and Justin fought about him as if he was some toy. He wished this could have been avoided, but once again he was absolutely convinced that Justin had left him no other choice.

When he raised his head and looked over to the table on the other side of the aisle where Justin and Ethan were sitting with their lawyer, Brian could see the tension in the younger man. As someone who knew Justin as well as he did, it wasn't hard to recognise the tension in his jaw, his shoulders, but most importantly Brian could see defiance in those blue eyes. Justin didn't think that he was at fault either. What did that make them? Did they really have Gus' best interest at heart or was this just about winning against the other for both of them?

While Brian thought about that, wondering if any of this was really going to help Gus in the long run and wondering if there was anything else he could have done to avoid it getting this out of hand, the voice of the judge brought him back to the here and now.

“Alas, it is what it is and we are here now. I have read proposals for custody agreements from both sides, I have read the minutes of previous meetings between both sides and the impression I am getting is that the biggest issue seems to be the issue of overnight stays. I don't think either side is really trying to forbid the other side from spending time with Gus, correct?”

Both lawyers nodded, muttering a quiet “Correct” to what the judge had just said.

“Mr. Taylor, can I ask you why you don't want Gus to spend time with his father this way? Why you are so adamantly against Gus staying overnight with Mr. Kinney?”

When Justin's lawyer started speaking, the judge interrupted him right away. “Thank you, Mr. Wilson. I would like to hear from Mr. Taylor himself what his reasons are. Thanks.”

The lawyer looked towards Justin, then nodded at the younger man, urging him to go and explain his point of view.

“Your honour, it's not that I don't want Gus to spend time with his father. Quite on the contrary. Gus loves his father and loves spending time with him, he has been beyond happy when it turned out that Brian... Mr. Kinney, I mean, was still alive and safe here in Toronto. I also know that Mr Kinney loves Gus and would move the world for him and his happiness.”

As Justin took a breath, the judge interrupted. “So far that sounds all good and well to me, Mr Taylor, but it doesn't explain why you don't want Gus to spend any nights with his father.”

“Because he did... once... and because of what happened that night,” Justin said quietly, trying to ignore the angry snort that came from Brian in return.

“What exactly happened, Mr. Taylor?” The judge urged Justin to elaborate some more.

“Gus was staying with his father overnight and he called me in the middle of the night. He was crying and clearly scared because his father seemed to have a nightmare. Mr Kinney was yelling and lashing out and Gus didn't know what to do or how to react to that. I drove over and Gus was beyond frightened and clearly disturbed by seeing his father like that. Mr. Kinney was lashing out, was screaming in his sleep, his voice almost hoarse from the screams by the time I arrived and it took me a long time to wake Mr. Kinney up from his nightmare,” Justin sighed, thinking back to that night. “I myself have gone through trauma and know about nightmares better than anyone and... I know that nightmares like that don't just disappear on their own. Instead of tackling the issue, working through what has caused the nightmare, Mr. Kinney pretended it had never happened and downplayed the significance of what had happened that night. He took Gus shopping, threw money at the problem, hoping to make it disappear that way. Gus was beyond scared that night and until Mr. Kinney gets his act together, I can't risk that it will happen again if Gus spends the night again. I can't put Gus through that again. He's too young and shouldn't be faced with a situation like that, not when it could be avoided,” Justin ended calmly.

Brian just shook his head, not able to believe that Justin had portrayed him like a nutcase because of one nightmare.

“Mr. Kinney, what is your take on the events of that night?” The judge asked next, now addressing Brian directly.

Brian took a deep breath, before he began to speak. “It is correct, I had a nightmare that night. It was one nightmare. And by the next day, Gus had already moved on. Mr. Taylor makes it sound as if Gus got traumatised that night which is not what happened. Yes, he was worried and scared, but the next day we talked about what had happened and he was fine afterwards. I doubt that he would even remember that night now. It was one nightmare, and I am sure your honour that all of us have had nightmares at one point or another. Is that reason enough to not let kids spend nights with their parents?”

“Only that it wasn't just one nightmare, was it?” Justin asked calmly, now turning to look at Brian, meeting his gaze head on. What Brian saw in Justin's eyes confused him because he didn't only see anger, but he also saw pity and even more than that a deep understanding.

At that point Justin's lawyer took over and got up, holding a stack of papers in his hands. “Your honour, we have signed statements from the nurses at the hospital that Mr. Kinney was treated in when he came to Toronto as well as statements from his neighbours at his place of residence where the incident happened, confirming that it wasn't just a single incident. We have statements confirming that these nightmares happened regularly and to the best of our knowledge are still happening now.”

The lawyer walked over and handed the statements to the judge before returning to his seat at the table.

“You spied on me?” Brian spat, looking at Justin from furious eyes.

“Not spying, Mr. Kinney. In Gus' best interest we needed to make sure if your account of it being a single nightmare was correct or not and judging by what we have been told, it's not,” Justin's lawyer fired back immediately.

“I don't believe this,” Brian muttered, still looking beyond furious and throwing daggers as he glared at Justin.

“You need help, Brian. I know because I have been there myself. After prom,” Justin said quietly. “Whatever happened to you in Gilead... you need help working through that. Not only for Gus' sake, but also for your own sake.”

“I am fine,” Brian was nearly yelling now, feeling absolutely furious that Justin would have gone to such lengths to portray him in a bad light.

When he felt his lawyer's hand on his arm, Brian looked away from Justin and turned to his lawyer, who was now urging him to calm down and stay quiet.

Brian did as he was told, knowing that he was not helping his case at all by his outburst, but even though he knew that, he couldn't help one last parting shot. “I am not you, Sunshine! I can very well deal with my own problems.”

Justin's eyes widened, but he refrained from replying anything. He just shook his head sadly, before he turned away from Brian and turned towards the judge. “I know that Mr. Kinney loves Gus more than anything and would never hurt him, but... that night... he was lashing out in his dreams and if Gus hadn't stayed away because I told him to, if Gus had come close to his father, had tried to wake him up himself, he could have been hurt by Mr. Kinney. Apart from the traumatic experience Gus went through seeing his father like that, getting physically hurt is a risk I can't subject him to.”

“I would never hurt, Gus!” Brian now all but roared, his anger once again flaring up at Justin's words.

“You wouldn't even know. You're not in control, Brian. I know you wouldn't mean to, but as long as there is the danger of you accidentally hurting him, I can't allow him to be anywhere near you while you are still having those nightmares. Please, Brian! Get your act together. If not for yourself, for Gus!” Justin was now all but pleading, once again looking at Brian directly, their gazes meeting across the aisle.

“You don't know what you're talking about,” Brian muttered angrily, not ready to give an inch.

“Sadly I do,” Justin sighed and left it at that, looking sadder than Brian could remember seeing the young man in a long time.

Before Brian could reply, the judge interrupted. “Okay, gentlemen. It is clear that there seems to be more going on in this case than met the eye at first. At the end of the day, this is about Gus though, not about either of you. I will need some time to work through these statements, so I suggest that we all take a break and reconvene here in about two hours.”

With that the judge stood up and left the room, leaving the men and their lawyers alone in his courtroom.

“How dare you?” Brian immediately went on the attack. “You know nothing. Nothing!”

“And how could I? You don't share anything. You never have. Not with me, not with Emmett, not with Daph. None of us know what you went through. None of us can help you because you won't let us.”

“I don't need help,” Brian shot back at the man across the aisle who was ready to get up and leave the room. “And certainly not from you!”

“We all do... even the mighty Brian Kinney does,” Justin said, before he took Ethan's hand and left the room with him and his lawyer.

As soon as they had left, Brian's lawyer turned on him. “You should have stayed calm. That didn't help your case at all.”

“Stay calm? While he portrayed me to be some nutcase? Because of one fucking nightmare?”

“Is it just one nightmare, though? What are those statements from the nurses and your neighbours saying?” The lawyer asked, looking at Brian intently.

“Hell if I know,” Brian shrugged, though if he was honest with himself, he knew what they would be saying. And he knew that it wouldn't help his case at all.

“How often did you have those nightmares?” His lawyer asked, his voice making it clear that he expected an honest answer.

“A couple of nights a month,” Brian finally answered evasively.

“And how often do you have them now?”

“Does it matter?” Brian asked, already knowing the answer himself.

“If you want to have any chance of joint custody of your son, yes, the answer matters. And you know that yourself!”

Brian sighed, before he muttered almost inaudibly. “A couple of nights a month.”

“This is not good,” his lawyer said seriously, before he turned to leave the courtroom as well, Brian following behind him.

***

During the break Brian had pretty much been ripped a new one by his lawyer who had been beyond furious. They had talked about several options of what could happen now and none of them had sounded good to Brian's ears. He knew he should have been honest about the nature of his nightmares, but really, they were his business not anyone else's and most definitely not Justin's and he still couldn't believe that Justin had stooped as low as that and had used something like nightmares against him. Justin of all people who had been going through it himself so many years ago.

And in any case, they made it sound so much worse than it really was. Who didn't suffer from nightmares? Most people did. It didn't mean that they had problems or were dangerous or shouldn't be around their children. As if some nightmares every now and then made him a nutcase...

Brian was still fuming when Justin, Ethan and their lawyer returned to the courtroom and refused to even look at him. He just stared straight ahead waiting for the judge to return to the room which he did a couple of minutes later.

There was an eerie silence in the room as the judge sat down behind his desk and put some folders with papers in front of him.

“Gentlemen, I must say that this is not your average custody case. First of all because of the circumstances of how Gus ended up living with Mr. Taylor in the first place, then because of the re-appearance of Mr. Kinney and the circumstances around that and last but not least because of the current disagreement of how much time either party should get to spend with Gus.”

The judge cleared his throat, as he opened a folder. “As I mentioned before, we have to look at Gus and his well-being here and my only interest in this is what is best for Gus at this point. Mr. Kinney,” the judge looked up and locked gazes with Brian.

“I have no doubt that you have been through hell and I have even less doubt that you love your son. It is understandable that after everything you have been through, after everything he has been through, you would want to spend more time with him. Mr. Taylor,” the judge now turned towards Justin and locked gazes with him.

“I also don't doubt how much you love Gus. You have taken him in and raised him as if he were your own son for so many years. I am sure you consider him your son by now and that he also considers you to be a father to him.”

Justin nodded, because everything the judge had said was true. He loved Gus like his own son and he knew that Gus also loved him as if he were his father.

“It has now come to me to decide what will be best for Gus under the circumstances presented to me and...I must admit that it has not been an easy decision. Generally, we would favour biological parents and I must admit that I would have been inclined to do the same had I not been presented with the serious doubts about Mr. Kinney's ability to take care of Gus in his current mental state. In no good conscience can I allow Gus to be subjected to possible physical or mental harm from his father, however accidentally that harm might be caused. It is therefore my decision to not grant joint custody at this point in time and to leave custody with Mr. Taylor. Mr. Kinney will receive supervised visitation for the time being, a court appointed social worker supervising his interactions with Gus for the time being.”

There was angry muttering from Brian's side, but that quickly died down when the judge continued. “Silence! I want to reconvene in three months time to see how things might have changed. By that time I'd like to have a psychiatric evaluation of Mr. Kinney's ability to take care of his son as well as a report on Gus and how he is affected by the new circumstances.”

The judge took a deep breath, then turned to Brian once more. “I know this is not what you were hoping for Mr. Kinney, but with Gus' best interest at heart, it is the only decision I could make.”

With that the judge got up and left the room, leaving a stunned audience behind.

Brian nearly jumped out of his seat and made his way to the door, only stopping when he heard the one voice he didn't want to hear right now, call out his name quietly.

“Brian?”

He slowly turned around and glared at the man who dared to call out to him.

“Happy?” He spat, then turned around once more and left the room without a further glance at his lawyer or anyone else in the room.

Justin hung his head, taking a deep breath. Yes, he had won and he knew that he should be happy because he had gotten his way, but for some reason he felt anything but. He actually felt quite horrible if he was honest with himself and he didn't quite know why as he looked after the slowly closing door that Brian had just stormed through.