Chapter 30

After another four months of looking for a suitable house, Brian and Justin had finally been able to agree on a place.

The place was pretty much in the same neighbourhood as Justin's current house, but was a lot bigger and more stylish. After all, this time Brian had been involved in choosing a house for them as well.

The house was a big four bedroom, five bathroom townhouse with an office for Brian, a private gym, an outdoor pool and a big sunroom that they would turn into studio space for Justin. The sunroom had huge glass walls and a glass ceiling and offered natural sunlight whenever the sun was out. It would be a perfect place for Justin to work in.

Justin had mostly fallen in love with the house because of the big sunroom, while Brian had liked the open floor plan of the ground floor which had reminded him a bit of the loft.

The bedrooms were big and a balcony went all around the first floor of the house which meant that it could be accessed from all bedrooms which Gus had been really excited about. Gus and Brian had also been in love with the private gym and pool and all three of them had basically agreed that this was the perfect place for them to start over again as a family together.

Once they had agreed on the house and had started the process of buying it, they had started preparing their move.

For the last few months Brian had spent most of his time at Justin's house anyway, so even before they had officially moved in together, they had pretty much been living together. Brian mostly only checked on his apartment occasionally to make sure that no one had broken in and stolen anything, but he couldn't really remember the last time he had spent a night there.

After they had told Gus about their relationship there had been no reason for them to sneak around any longer and Brian had openly started to spend his free time at Justin's place. No, it wasn't home and he would never feel completely comfortable in the house that Justin had lived in with Ethan for so long, but he knew that it was only temporary and that they would be moving into their new home soon and when presented with the choice of spending a night with Justin in his bed and arms or spending the night alone, Brian knew that there was no choice.

And now they were finally ready to move into the new house. The last two days had been crazy with movers moving all their things from one house to the other as well as adding Brian's things from his apartment. All three places looked beyond chaotic with the amount of boxes all over the places, but both Brian and Justin knew that it was only temporary. Once they had unpacked everything and all their new furniture had been delivered, their new house would finally start to feel like a home.

“What are you thinking about?” Brian whispered as he came up from behind and wrapped his arms around Justin's mid-section. They were standing in Justin's new studio and Brian had caught Justin deep in thought as he looked at some of the boxes that held his art supplies.

Justin sighed happily as he leaned back into Brian's embrace. “I am wondering what you did...”

“What I did? Why do you think that I did something?”

“I am not sure, but I think you're up to something,” Justin said, sounding slightly confused.

“I am always up,” Brian gave back as he playfully started nibbling on Justin's earlobe. “You know that.”

Justin chuckled as he leaned closer into Brian's embrace. “Yeah and while I appreciate the sentiment and will hold you to that promise later, I am actually serious here.”

Realising that this was not the time and place for doing anything sexual (glass walls all around and Gus being somewhere close in the house), Brian sighed regretfully and stopped biting the earlobe. “As was I. But fine, later. Remember, we have a lot of rooms to christen.”

“And we will,” Justin promised as he turned around in Brian's arms and gave his partner a gentle kiss. “In the meantime, I wonder if you know what happened to the portraits?”

Brian's eyes widened slightly, if only for a second, before he schooled his face into a mask. “The portraits? Why? Is something wrong?”

“Come on, Brian. I know you did something. They're not at the old house and they are nowhere to be found here. I know we packed them up and I actually saw one of the movers moving the box into the van earlier. Only it's not in the sunroom now with the rest of the paintings. Where did it end up?” Justin asked as he looked at Brian.

“Why do you think I would know?” Brian asked, trying to sound as innocent as he could.

“Brian,” Justin sighed. “I know you did something with them. Your face betrayed you when I mentioned the portraits. What did you do with them?”

Knowing that he was caught and that Justin had looked right through him, Brian sighed. “Alright...”

“So you did do something with them?” Justin asked, sounding slightly relieved.

“It was supposed to be a surprise, but I guess the surprise is out now. You weren't supposed to know that the portraits were gone until later,” Brian explained, looking at Justin from serious eyes.

“A surprise?” Justin frowned, not sure if he understood what Brian was talking about. These portraits were incredibly personal and meant a lot to him. What surprise could Brian have planned with them?

“Come,” Brian said quietly, holding his hand out to Justin and pulling him along, leaving the sunroom behind and making his way up the stairs to the second floor of the house.

“Brian?” Justin frowned as they moved towards the end of the hallway to a room which they hadn't really found a use for yet. They had thought about maybe turning it into a storage room for luggage and all kinds of other stuff they wouldn't really have a space for anywhere else. The room had been too small to be turned into a guestroom, so storage was really the best way to utilize it.

“I had planned on showing you later, when the moment was right, but...,” Brian took a deep breath, squeezing Justin's hand in his, “I don't want you to worry about the portraits. They are safe!”

He then opened the door and nodded at Justin to enter the room.

When Justin did, his breath got stuck in his throat. The room was now shining in mild light and had the portraits of their friends and family hanging up on two of the walls of the room. There was only a very comfortable looking sofa at the opposite side of the wall, a wall that was empty of portraits and that was it. Other than that, it was just the portraits as decorations on the walls and some atmospheric lamps that made the room glow in calm and warm light. It looked absolutely gorgeous.

“Brian,” he started, but didn't quite know how to continue. The room looked lovely even though Justin wasn't quite sure what he was really looking at.

“I know that the portraits are personal to you and I know you don't want to show them to anyone yet, but... I hope that one day you will. They are amazing. They are breathtaking and... I thought of a way we could remember all of them in the way they deserved and... it might be kitschy or... a stupid idea altogether, but I thought that maybe we could create this safe space to remember everyone. And... when we feel like it...we can come here and just think about them or... talk about them... or I don't know really... I just wanted to create a safe space for them,” Brian ended, his voice sounding more insecure than Justin had ever heard it.

He looked at the older man and smiled warmly at him. He had always known about Brian's big heart, but so many people had considered him cold and heartless when Brian was anything but. Brian had the biggest heart and loved with all his heart when he loved and creating this safe space for them to remember people they had both loved... Justin was speechless. It was beautiful.

“It's beautiful,” he finally pressed out as he walked further into the room and sat down on the sofa. He looked at the portraits of everyone who had meant so much to them and tears came to his eyes. “I love the idea,” he whispered as his eyes settled on the portrait of his mother and his sister and he looked at them from warm eyes. “They would love it.”

Brian slowly made his way over to Justin's side and sat down next to him, pulling the younger man into his arms. “You're not angry that I put them up?”

“No,” Justin whispered as he took in each and every portrait. “I really love it.”

They stayed like that for several minutes, just looking at the portraits and hanging on to their own thoughts.

“Where is your portrait?” Justin broke the silence as he looked up at Brian's eyes.

“It's in the sunroom. In one of the other boxes. I am here... Right here... I don't belong up there with them,” Brian said quietly as he looked from Justin to the portraits.

“No, you don't,” Justin agreed, leaning into Brian's chest and sighing happily. “I guess this means that I'll have to show Gus soon... He's probably wondering what's in this room.”

“You don't have to if you don't want to. For now he thinks it's only a small storage space and we can lock the door. He wouldn't be able to get in. We can tell him this is where we store our sex toys,” Brian winked, trying to make Justin smile.

“Yeah, that would keep him away,” Justin chuckled and Brian was glad to hear the sound.

“For now this is only for us...until you're ready...,” Brian said quietly, leaning in for a quick kiss. “There's no hurry and no pressure to show anyone else.”

“Thanks, Brian!” Justin said sincerely, giving Brian one last kiss.

They stayed for a couple of minutes, before they both knew that it was time to return to the task of finishing their move. There were still too many boxes to unpack and too many rooms to christen later that night once Gus was in bed.

***

3 months later

“Stop it, Brian!” Justin complained as he tried to squirm free from Brian's embrace. Brian had just come up from behind and had started kissing his neck while Justin was busy trying to finish their Thanksgiving dinner.

“You're tense, I just want to ease the tension,” Brian whispered, leaving tender kisses all over Justin's neck.

“You know why I am tense,” Justin just replied as he finally managed to get away from Brian and returned to the stove that he was supposed to keep an eye on.

“I know, but... there is no reason to be,” Brian said seriously, following Justin to the stove. “It will be fine. Everyone will love it.”

“What if they don't?” Justin asked, not able to hide his insecurity.

“Why wouldn't they?” Brian just asked back, meeting Justin's gaze head on.

“What if they think it's inappropriate?” Justin sighed, his shoulders slumping.

“They won't. And you know it. They will love it.”

“I don't know,” Justin muttered, pretending to check on some of the pots on the stove.

After they had finished unpacking all their boxes and had christened every room in the house except for Gus' room, they had finally started to make the house their home.

The first three months in their new house had been good for them and Justin couldn't remember ever having been as happy as he had been in recent months. He was back with Brian, the love of his life, they were raising Gus together, the way they were supposed to, Kinnetik was doing well, Justin's career was going well, they were doing well. Everything had been good.

In the midst of that happiness, Justin had decided to host a traditional American Thanksgiving dinner for their friends from Pittsburgh and he had invited Daphne and Emmett over to spend the American holiday with them. Their friends had been delighted to spend the holiday together and once it had been agreed that Justin would host dinner, he had gotten the idea to reveal the portraits on Thanksgiving day.

Brian had been all for that and had supported Justin in that decision only that Justin now seemed to be getting cold feet and had been a nervous wreck all day about showing the portraits to Daphne and Emmett. For some reason he had gotten it into his head that their friends would find the portraits inappropriate and Brian couldn't understand why Justin would think so.

About two weeks ago, they had shown the portraits to Gus, knowing that they couldn't reveal the portraits to him at the same time they revealed them to Daphne and Emmett, knowing that they needed to give the boy the privacy to take them in on his own.

Gus had been moved by the room when Justin and Brian had shown it to him and the portraits of his mothers and of Debbie and Jennifer and everyone else had made him cry for the loss of the family he had once had. They had stayed in the room with Gus for a long time, comforting the boy and just being there for him, helping him deal with his grief, but once the tears had passed, Gus had assured Brian and Justin that he loved the portraits and was so happy to have a reminder of the family he had lost. They had all sat in the room together for hours afterwards, exchanging memories of the people they had loved and lost.

After that night, Brian and Justin had noticed that Gus had gone into the room on his own quite a bit, but despite being worried that he wasn't alright, Gus always seemed fine when he left the room again and seemed calmer than he had before. A couple of days ago, he had come to Justin and Brian and had thanked Justin for creating the portraits and had thanked Brian for setting up the room, thanking them for giving him a space to remember his mothers especially.

Knowing that Gus was alright and had loved the idea of the room, Brian had no doubt that Daphne and Emmett would as well.

“It will be fine,” Brian assured once again as he pulled Justin close and kissed him, effectively shutting him up.

Their kiss was interupted when the doorbell rang and their guests arrived. “You have nothing to be nervous about. They will love it,” Brian whispered as he broke the kiss, nodded at Justin and then went to open the door.

Justin looked after the older man and nodded to himself. He was sure that Brian was right and he didn't even know himself why he was so nervous. He had never felt that nervous before about showing any of his paintings. Normally he didn't care whether people liked what he had created or not, but for some reason with these portraits he cared a lot. Maybe even too much.

Shaking his head as if to shake off his mood, Justin followed Brian into the hallway to welcome their guests.

Once everyone had been served their first drinks, Brian took Justin's hand and squeezed it. “Before we have dinner, there is actually something we wanted to show you,” he said seriously, looking at both Daphne and Emmett.

“Oooooohhhh, is it your playroom?” Emmett giggled happily, clapping his hands together in glee. He had been so happy when Brian and Justin had gotten back together and had decided to move into a new home together. He loved that they had found their way back to each other and he knew how happy they were. Gilead had taken so much from everyone and had destroyed so many lives and he was glad that it hadn't been able to destroy the love between two of his closest friends.

“You wish,” Brian snorted, as he pulled Justin closer and leaned into his surprised partner. “I know that you only wanted to show them after dinner, but I know that if we don't do it now, you won't be eating a bite at all. And you worked too hard on the meal to not enjoy it yourself.”

Justin nodded, knowing that Brian was right and he wouldn't have been able to eat anything at all with how nervous he felt. He was secretly glad that Brian had taken the initiative and had decided to change their original plan.

“Okay, now I am officially intrigued,” Daphne muttered, watching the interaction between Brian and Justin and Justin's uncharacteristical silence.

Brian led the group up the stairs and down the hallway to their little room. “This is something that I am sure you'll appreciate as much as Gus and I did the first time we saw it. Justin did amazing work and... I am sure you will appreciate it as much as I do,” he said as he stopped in front of the room. He then opened the door and motioned for Daphne and Emmett to step inside while he and Justin stayed behind, watching their friends' reaction.

“Woah,” Daphne exclaimed as she moved into the room and looked at all the portraits that were up on the walls of the room.

“Oh my God,” Emmett exclaimed as he took the portraits in as well. “So beautiful...Baby...you captured them so well,” he whispered as he looked at each portrait in awe.

“Justin, these are amazing,” Daphne whispered as she turned back to her friend and saw him standing in Brian's arms, looking at her and Emmett from moist eyes. “When did you do these?”

Justin swallowed a couple of times, still moved every time he looked at the portraits and took a deep breath before he spoke. “After Gus and I first made it to Toronto...when...I realised that we didn't have anything that would remind us of these people. No pictures, nothing. I... realised that I didn't have a picture of his mothers to show him, that I... didn't have a picture of mom and Molly...to remember them by. I didn't want to forget them and I didn't want Gus to forget about them either.”

“You never said anything about these,” Daphne said quietly, eyeing her friend from confused eyes. “And they are so beautiful.”

“They...they were personal and...I couldn't share them...not...until I showed them to Brian and I realised that he felt the same way about them as I did. He created this room, so we would always have a safe space to remember them by.”

“It's beautiful,” Emmett whispered, his eyes on the portrait of Ted, his best friend who had died so tragically after Gilead had taken away his lover, Blake. A loss his friend hadn't been able to deal with. Emmett walked closer to the portrait and ran a gentle hand over Ted's face. “You captured him so well. He looks so happy.”

“All of them do,” Daphne agreed, looking from painting to painting.

“I knew that's how I wanted them to be remembered. As the happy people they were before...before everything turned to shit,” Justin whispered, before new tears ran down his face.

Brian pulled him closer and turned towards his partner. “Shhhhh, it's okay. We're here. All four of us and we're safe and we'll have the Thanksgiving of all Thanksgivings to celebrate that.” He gently wiped away the tears on Justin's face, not caring that his own tears ran down his face at the same time.

When Justin nodded, Brian smiled at him. “That's it, Sunshine!”

Emmett walked over and engulfed Brian and Justin, holding them both tight. “I am so glad that we're here together. All of us! And that you created this beautiful memorial for everyone who's not with us today. I am so proud of you, baby!”

A second later Daphne joined the group hug as well. “You've done good,” she said towards Justin, then turned to Brian. “Both of you. They would love this!”

They all stayed in the hug for several minutes, before Brian declared that he was feeling too lesbionic and needed to do something manly like check on the turkey.

Everyone agreed that it would probably be a good time to check on dinner and they slowly made their way down into the kitchen again.

Soon Emmett was lifting the mood by telling stories of Thanksgiving dinners from the past, everyone revelling in the memories of past Thanksgiving dinners with their loved ones. Only that it wasn't painful, but was actually very happy and uplifting. They shared lots of funny Thanksgiving stories, thinking back to days when their family had been bigger and still complete.

Once it was time for dinner, Gus forced himself away from his computer game for long enough to join everyone in the dining-room and they all enjoyed a lovely Thanksgiving dinner together.

Before dessert, Daphne encouraged everyone to share what they were grateful for, starting by being grateful that she was with her best friend and his family, that they were all happy and safe and that they had made it to this point without Gilead destroying them.

Emmett had also been grateful for them being safe and together and had said how grateful he was that Justin and Brian had found their way back together. That seeing them back together made him happier than he had been in years.

When it had been Gus' turn, everyone had been quietly listening to the boy as he mentioned being grateful for having both his father and Justin in his life, for being reunited as a family and living in their home together and for being grateful for the opportunities that fleeing to Canada had given all of them and him in particular. How grateful he was to be getting an education and how grateful he was to know that he would be able to go to university one day and learn whatever job he wanted in a free country that accepted him and his family the way they were.

“I am grateful for all of you,” Justin started, looking at everyone around the table. “I am grateful to be safe and to be in a country where I can create my art without any fear of repercussions. I am grateful that we,” he said, turning to Brian, “didn't let Gilead win and that we found our way back to each other. I am grateful for our new home, our family and friends and this new phase of our lives.” As he ended, he closed the distance between himself and Brian and kissed the older man. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Brian replied into the kiss, before they broke apart. Knowing that it was his turn, he took a deep breath. He hated talking about his feelings and would have loved to stay quiet, but knew that he couldn't. Not after everyone had already shared what they were grateful for. Damn, Daphne for starting with this shit.

“And I am grateful for having made it to this day. For having made it back to you,” he said looking at Justin, “and you,” he added as he turned towards Gus. “I am grateful for how far we have come as a family,” he continued, before he turned to Daphne and Emmett. “And that we're all doing well. Successful queers will always be the biggest fuck you in the face of Gilead that exists and I am glad that we're part of that big fuck you!”

Everyone raised their glasses in a quiet toast.

The rest of the dinner was enjoyable and spent making plans for Christmas.

Once everyone had left, Brian and Justin with Gus' help had taken care of the cleanup, before they had moved to their bedroom to finish the holiday in private.

And celebrated they had. Justin had made tender love to Brian before the older man had returned the favour and had made love to him. Now they were lying in each other's arms, Justin resting his head on Brian's chest, gently running his fingertips over the older man's torso.

“I love you,” he whispered, never stopping his caress of Brian's torso.

“Not as much as I love you,” Brian replied quietly, leaning down to kiss Justin's blond hair. “I am glad we made it here. That we made it here together.”

“I know,” Justin agreed. “I didn't think we would. God, I was such an ass... I am so sorry, Brian.”

“It was an impossible situation,” Brian said quietly, holding Justin that much tighter. “We all tried to muddle through the best way we knew how to.”

“Still... I should have...,” Justin sighed. “I don't know... acted differently. If I could, I would turn back the time.”

“Hey, stop it! It's in the past. It doesn't matter anymore. We made it here, we are here now. We're healthy, we're fucking successful, Gus is doing well... Everything is as it should be. That's all that matters.”

“I'll never let you go again, Brian. I've lost you once...I won't lose you again,” Justin said, his voice full of emotion. He moved his head up, so he could look into Brian's hazel eyes. “I won't.”

“I know,” Brian replied, holding Justin's gaze. And he did. He knew that whatever would happen in their future, they would be together for it. They had been apart too long and Brian wouldn't allow anyone or anything to ever break them up again. “Neither will I.”

The End