Chapter 8

“Oh Brian, it's so good to see you. You have no idea how relieved everyone is,” Daphne excitedly let out as she walked up to Brian's bed with Gus by her side. Justin followed a long way behind them, still avoiding to look at Brian.

He had been away for the last two and a half hours. Brian still didn't know what was going on, but judging by the way Justin was lagging behind Gus and Daphne and was avoiding to meet his eyes, he knew that things still were far from being okay.

“Daphne!” Brian exclaimed, deciding to instead focus on Justin's best friend, someone he realised he was far more excited to see again than he had expected. “Still as bubbly as ever.”

She shrugged while laughing. “What else is there to do in times like these?”

Then Gus walked over and gave his father a tight hug. “Hi Dad,” he breathed out as he held onto Brian longer than was necessary, as if afraid to let go of him.

Brian hugged his son back, holding him tight for as long as the boy needed it. “Hi, sonny boy,” he whispered into auburn hair that had the same colour as his own. “How was school?”

“Boring,” Gus moaned, before he finally pulled back and turned an angry glare in Justin's direction. “We're close to the holidays and didn't learn anything new. I wouldn't have missed anything.”

“Gus,” Justin sighed, looking exhausted. “We talked about this.”

“And YOU made a decision. Yeah...,” the boy grumbled, before he sat down on the side of Brian's bed, looking to his father for support.

“Gus,” Brian started, looking from his son who was expecting support from him to Justin who was looking anywhere but at him and avoiding his gaze. “Justin is right. You need to go to school. I will still be here after school in the afternoons.”

“Dad,” Gus began to whine, but stopped when Justin interrupted him.

“Gus, please! You heard your father.”

Everyone in the room could hear the tension in Justin's voice, even Gus. He looked from Justin to Daphne to his father, trying to figure out what was going on.

When nobody said anything, Daphne took charge and decided to change the topic to relieve the tension that had settled in the room.

“So, how are they treating you here? How's the food?”

Grateful for her changing the topic, Brian replied. “It's okay. It's hospital food, so..., but I've been used to worse,” he ended, leaving that statement open for interpretation.

Daphne nodded, before sighing. “We should get you something nice. To get some meat back on those bones. And you won't complain. You will eat whatever I will get delivered here, you hear me?”

“I don't know if I missed your bossy side or not,” Brian wondered, his eyes twinkling with amusement.

“Of course you did. Who wouldn't miss me?” Daphne said full of confidence, smiling at the man in his hospital bed.

At that point Justin sighed once more then headed for the door. “I'm going to get some coffee. I'll be back in a while.”

He left the room without another word, leaving everyone to stare after him.

“What's gotten into him?” Daphne asked, as she looked from Brian to Gus and back to Brian. Noticing the frown on Brian's face, she figured that the older man wasn't quite sure himself what was going on.

She slowly got up from her chair and smiled at Gus and Brian. “How about I go with him and help him get something nice for all of us and you two spend some quality time, huh?”

Brian nodded at her gratefully and Gus just shrugged, clearly not as concerned as his father. They then watched her leave the room, following after Justin.

She quickly caught up with her best friend, who was waiting in front of the closed elevator doors. “What's gotten into you?”

“Leave me alone, Daph,” Justin sighed, not looking at her, staring instead at the elevator door as if that would make the doors open any faster.

“Not gonna happen, so don't even try,” she just said, as they heard the ding of the elevator and saw the doors open.

Justin threw her an angry glare as she got into the elevator after him, but as there were other people present, he left it at that, deciding to keep quiet for the moment.

They made their way to the lobby of the hospital and as Justin left the building, Daphne was hot on his heels.

“Okay, what's going on?” She asked, this time sounding more concerned than anything.

Justin kept quiet, trying to ignore her and walked on. Unfortunately, Daphne wasn't shaken off by that in the least and just followed him.

“You can try to ignore me all you want, but you know that before too long I will find out what's going on, so why not save ourselves the time and drama and just tell me what I am going to find out anyway?”

“Daph, just leave it,” Justin growled, as he sat down on a bench outside the hospital which looked over a small park area to the side of the hospital where many patients seemed to take walks with visitors.

“Not gonna happen. I thought you were happy and ecstatic and now you're all in a mood and can barely stand to be in the same room as Brian. What happened?”

“Why do you think something happened?” Justin asked, annoyed that his friend seemed to know him so well.

“Because just yesterday you were all excited about Brian being alive and well and now you couldn't get out of that room fast enough as if you couldn't stand to breathe the same air as he did,” she reasoned. “Not even starting on how you spoke to Gus.”

“What? I just told him not to start this discussion again. We discussed it before, made a decision, Brian apparently agrees, so end of story.”

“Jus, really?”

“Really!”

“He's a young boy who thought his father was dead. Turns out he's not and he's alive and here in the same city. Can you blame him for wanting to spend time with his father instead of going to school? We skipped school for far worse reasons,” Daphne argued and as much as Justin hated it, he knew that she was right.

“Like going to see hot boys in swim class instead of sitting in history class?” He said with a small smile.

“Like that! I think Gus has a far better reason to skip classes than we ever did.”

Justin sighed, before he ran a hand through his hair. “I know...”

“And it's not even about Gus, is it?” Daphne finished for him, before he could.

“Stop finishing my sentences,” Justin mumbled, throwing her a glare.

“So what is this about?” She asked instead, ignoring the glare and looking at her friend in curiousity. “Yesterday you were all happy and today you can hardly look at Brian. What happened?”

“Ethan can never know about this,” Justin said, looking at her imploringly. When she looked offended by the mere idea of telling something that Justin had told her in confidence to Ethan, Justin continued. “We kissed... this morning...”

Daphne just nodded in understanding, but didn't say anything for the longest time.

“Cat got your tongue?” Justin muttered, having expected some smart comment from his friend by now.

“No, but what do you want me to say?”

“That it was wrong and should have never happened?”

“Let me guess, Brian doesn't know about Ethan?” Daphne mused and wasn't surprised to see Justin shake his head. “So as far as Brian is concerned, you guys are still together?”

“After five years? I mean, I told him that we thought he had died and was dead... clearly he can't think that...,” Justin started, but then stopped. “Fuck!”

“Why would he think any differently if you didn't tell him?” Daphne spoke, her voice once again being the voice of reason. “The last time he saw you, you guys were together, he sacrificed himself for your and his son's wellbeing and now that he's finally made it out of Gilead and is safe as well, you're the first person at his bedside that he sees when he wakes up. If you didn't tell him, why would he think any differently?”

“Because it's been five years, Daph,” Justin sighed. “Clearly he can't have expected me to be celibate for five years, especially if we thought he had died.”

“It's a long way from being celibate to living and raising his son with another man, Jus.”

Justin sighed once more, before he hung his head. “I know I have to tell him, but how? I mean... he obviously still wants us... to be together... I guess...”

“Jus, you're jumping ten steps ahead. He is in hospital recovering from whatever ordeal he went through in Gilead. He kissed you, because you're the one he did all that for and now you're here as well by his side. It doesn't mean that he's expecting the romantic happy ending for the two of you. Maybe he's just doing what he thinks you expect him to do....”

“What I expect him to do? I didn't expect him to kiss me,” Justin argued, but then stopped.

“And he knew that how? Did you tell him?” Daphne pointed out and went on when Justin didn't reply. “He's probably just doing what he thinks you expect him to do. I mean... God, whatever he has been through, it will take time to work through that. I doubt that he's in any state to really think about a relationship right now. He probably thinks that you are thinking about it though now that he's here and is just doing what he thinks you are expecting from him. Jus, you need to talk to him and tell him about Ethan!”

Justin stayed quiet for the longest time, before he nodded. “I know. I fucking know...But how do I tell him that I went on and lived a happy life while he went through God knows what because he wanted to save me and Gus? I mean... how fucking ungrateful does that make me look? He's getting tortured and I am happily shacking up with someone else, raising his son in the house that he paid for.”

“You know that's not what happened,” Daphne pointed out.

“But that's what it will look like to him,” Justin reasoned. “That's what it would look like to anyone.”

“Even if it would... you have to be honest with him. Right now, he's as confused by your behaviour as you seem to be yourself. Be honest with him and talk to him. It's all you can do.”

“What if he will take Gus from me?” Justin asked, his eyes glassy and his voice emotional as he turned to look at his best friend since kindergarten. “Now that he's back and fine... what if he wants Gus to live with him and not with Ethan and me?”

“Jus, you're thinking too far ahead. Right now he's in no condition to even take care of himself, much less of Gus. He just woke up a day ago and is trying to come to terms with his new life here. Be honest with him, give him all the information he deserves and then let him figure out what he wants to do. You know that he loves Gus and has his best interest at heart. Whatever will happen, he would never do anything to hurt Gus.”

“It's just... everything will change. I know it and... I don't think I am ready for things to change. We were okay. We were happy and now...,” Justin stopped speaking, leaving the thought out there.

“You'd have prefered for him to not make it here?” Daphne asked wide-eyed.

“What? No, of course not! I am happy that he got out and am sooooooo fucking relieved that he's alright... How can you even say that?”

“Well, it sounded like that was what you were hinting at.”

“No, I... I am happy he's alive and here. It's just all so unexpected and things will change and... I guess I am just scared of how much. But none of that changes the fact that I am happy that he's here and alive.”

“You still love him, don't you?” Daphne asked, looking at her friend from compassionate eyes.

“I don't think I ever stopped,” Justin admitted quietly.

“And the kiss?” She urged him to continue.

“Felt so fucking good. Like I was finally alive again,” he whispered, before hanging his head.

“Jus,” Daphne started, but got stopped by Justin right away.

“Don't. Don't even think it. I am with Ethan now. We have a life together and I love him. I do. I love him!”

“I know you do,” Daphne nodded, knowing that it was true. Justin loved Ethan and she had been so happy for her best friend when he had started to open his heart again after grieving Brian for so long. “But Brian wasn't in the picture then and he is now.”

“And it won't change anything. I am with Ethan and... I will tell Brian. Tonight!”

Daphne just nodded, deciding to keep quiet and for this once to keep her thoughts to herself.

They returned to Brian's room about an hour later, having gotten some decent coffee and snacks for everyone from a coffee shop close to the hospital. When they returned to the room, they found Gus sitting on Brian's bed, telling him a story, both of them laughing and seemingly happy to be spending time together.

Daphne acted as if nothing had happened and happily handed over the coffee (hot chocolate for Gus) and snacks to Brian as she and Justin settled on the chairs next to the bed.

Justin still avoided Brian's eyes as much as was possible, but joined in the conversation, acting as if he was in a far better mood than he really felt.

After another hour, they all bid their farewell and got ready to go home. Gus had to do his homework, it was nearly time for dinner and Daphne had a date to get ready for.

“Justin,” Brian said as they were ready to leave, trying to get the younger man's attention.

“Later,” the younger man said quietly. “We'll talk. Later. I promise,” was all he said, before meeting Brian's eyes for the first time in hours.

Brian just nodded, knowing that this was all he would get for now and watched as they all left with the promise of coming back the next day.

Three hours later that night, Brian frowned when he saw Justin come back into his room. He had thought Justin would speak to him the next day, not later the same day.

“Justin?”

“We need to talk, Brian,” Justin said seriously, as he walked over to Brian's bed and sat down on the chair at its side.

“Where's Gus?” Brian asked, noticing that Justin had come on his own and knowing that Daphne had a date tonight.

“He's fine, but... it's also what we have to talk about,” Justin said, fidgeting with his hands, not meeting Brian's eyes.

They stayed quiet for the longest time, before Justin broke the silence. He sighed deeply and his voice was hardly above a whisper when he started speaking. “When... when we came here... I was hoping and praying that you were alright and when Daph got word that you hadn't been killed, I... I was hopeful that one day... somehow... we would be reunited. I... stayed hopeful and optimistic, but then... we heard news that you had died and... we had a memorial for you and it was so goddamn hard... but... everyone told me that I needed to keep going for Gus and... I did... I kept going and when I didn't know how to on my own, I looked for help.”

Brian stayed quiet and just nodded, knowing that Justin probably needed all his strength to get out whatever he had to say.

“I joined this group, it was a self-help group for people from Gilead who had lost loved ones to the regime. At first I didn't think it would help, but with time... talking to people who had gone through the same that I had gone through... who had lost loved ones as well... it helped, you know? It... it helped me to go on, to keep going on for Gus...knowing that we weren't the only ones faced with a devastating loss.”

Once again Brian just nodded, waiting in silence for Justin to continue.

“And slowly but surely... I started to connect to people from the group. We became friends and...we would spend time together outside of the group. It helped to spend time with people who just got what you were going through. We didn't have to explain anything. They just understood. If... if Gus or I were having a bad day, we didn't have to say or explain. They just understood. It... the group became a support system for both me and Gus and... with time...,” Justin stopped, not quite sure how to go on, knowing that this was the part he had to tell Brian about, but still not quite sure how to.

Brian slowly but surely had gotten an idea where this was going, but he knew that he needed to let Justin tell his own story, so he stayed quiet.

“I got closer to a certain member and... he and I... we connected because he had lost his partner on their flight out of Gilead as well and...,” Justin sighed, looking at Brian from sad eyes, his voice hardly above a whisper as he continued. “We've been together for almost two years now and we've been living together. Gus loves him and... his name is Ethan and he's really good with Gus.”

Justin stopped and ran a hand through his hair, his voice breaking as he continued. “I am sorry, Brian... when... when you kissed me... I should have told you, but I didn't know how...”

Tears began running down Justin's cheek and before Brian got a chance to react or say anything, Justin got up and ran out of the room with a final “I am so sorry, Brian.”

All Brian could do was stare at the empty chair by his side and the door that had just closed behind Justin.