Chapter 9

“Brian, honey, you look good,” Emmett exclaimed as he sashayed into the room and over to Brian's bed.

Brian couldn't help but sigh, not sure if he was ready for a visit from Emmett of all people. It wasn't that he wasn't glad that Emmett was fine and doing okay, it was just that today of all days he wasn't sure if he was in the mood for Emmett's bubbly persona. He just wanted to bury himself under his blankets and ignore the outside world. With Emmett here, that wouldn't be possible though.

“Honeycutt,” he grumbled in greeting, nodding at the old queen that had just sat down in the chair by his bedside.

“Don't call me Honeycutt,” Emmett immediately replied, waving his hands around. “How are you, honey?”

“I am not your honey,” Brian muttered, really not feeling in the mood for Emmett and his normal behaviour. It was just too much that day.

“Hmmm, still as grumpy as ever, I see. Okay, Big Bad it is,” Emmett replied, his voice never losing any of its happy exuberance.

Knowing that he wouldn't get rid of Emmett anytime soon, Brian sighed again, giving in to his fate. “What are you doing here?”

“What am I doing here? Visiting you of course,” Emmett sounded outraged by the question. “You don't think I would ignore the arrival of the great God Kinney in the North, would you? And I was already here two days ago only that you were not awake to see me.”

Brian nodded, remembering that Justin had mentioned that Emmett had been by before. “Justin mentioned it.”

“Did he? Ah, good for baby.”

Brian glared at Emmett for good measure when he refered to Justin as baby, but didn't respond in any other way.

“Wow, you sure are in a mood. Not that I expected fireworks and shots or a line of tricks around the block, but geez... you sure are grumpy for someone who has just made it to freedom.”

“Sorry to disappoint,” Brian muttered, before slumping down into his pillows and pulling up his blankets.

“Hey, is everything okay?” Emmett asked, now sounding way more serious than before and eying Brian in concern.

“Of course. I am here, aren't I? So everything is awesome!”

“Brian?” Emmett sounded really concerned now. Of course he had been used to Brian's moods before, but after talking to Daphne and listening to Gus' excited tales of seeing his father, he had expected to find Brian in a much better, more agreeable mood than this.

“Everything is fine, Emmett. Stop worrying. I am here, end of story.”

Emmett eyed Brian with barely disguised doubt. “If you say so...”

An uncomfortable silence settled between the two men, before Brian took pity on his visitor and picked up the conversation again. “So, Justin said you live in Toronto as well?”

Emmett nodded, deciding to go along with whatever Brian wanted to talk about. It was better than the silence before. “Yeah, came here right after crossing the border. There's a huge community of Gilead refugees here. It's very welcoming and everyone is very helpful wanting to make your life here as easy as possible.”

Brian just nodded, so Emmett decided to go on. “At first I worked various jobs in retail, but it wasn't really what I wanted to do. I then started helping Daphne to organise her refugee charity events. You know, planning the events, catering all that kind of stuff. Turns out I had quite a talent for it, so I stuck with it. I have my own event planning and catering business now.”

Brian nodded in approval. He could always appreciate someone who had worked for their money and had managed to build something for themselves, having come from nothing himself. “Not bad!”

“It's going quite well. Between events for the Red Cross and Justin's gallery openings, I quickly started getting a reputation and good word of mouth even beyond the Gilead community here. I can't complain.”

“Good for you. It certainly seems to suit you more than retail.”

“Oh honey, you have no idea. All those fags wanting to buy shit they couldn't wear in a 1000 years, no matter what... God, I swear some of them gave me eye cancer with what they wanted to wear...”

That actually made Brian chuckle and Emmett smiled when he saw that reaction in his friend.

“And you?” Emmett asked carefully after Brian had stopped chuckling. He knew he was on dangerously thin ice, but hoped that his question was innocent enough.

“I am sure you've been given all the facts already: Made it out, got here, malnourished and dehydrated, getting taken care of by the nice Canadians up here,” Brian answered flippantly.

“That's not what I meant,” Emmett persisted.

Brian sighed. “It doesn't matter,” was all he said, before turning towards the window and staring outside.

“Brian,” Emmett started, but stopped when Brian turned to look at him with an angry glare.

“It doesn't matter,” he just repeated in a deathly quiet voice which even Emmett knew not to contradict.

The tall queen raised his hands as if to declare defeat and another uncomfortable silence settled between them.

Once again it was Brian who broke it after a while. “I am sorry about Ted. Justin told me...”

Emmett nodded, his eyes turning sad when he thought of his friend. “Thanks...another victim of Gilead,” he sighed, his eyes getting glassy.

Brian nodded, having nothing to add. There had been so many victims of the regime in Gilead, they had lost so many friends and family members. Ted had become another name on the long list of victims of that hated regime.

“It was hard on him... losing Blake on his way out, not knowing what had happened to him. He couldn't deal and broke... We lost him a long time before he actually passed away,” Emmett sighed, remembering the days when his friend had gone off the deep end.

“Does anyone know what happened to Blake?” Brian asked quietly. He hadn't really known the man well, but he knew that he had meant a lot to Ted and they had been very much in love.

“Got killed for trying to desert Gilead,” was all Emmett said and Brian nodded.

“Fuck!”

“For the longest time Justin thought you had been ...,” Emmett started, but then stopped when he saw Brian's eyes cloud over.

“It was him, wasn't it? He made sure you weren't killed,” he continued quietly, looking at Brian from compassionate eyes.

For the longest time Brian didn't react, but then nodded slowly. There was no reason to deny it. He was pretty sure that everyone had already come to that conclusion by themselves.

“That would have been too quick and easy,” Brian spat, before turning towards the window again.

“Is he still with that woman, pretending to fit in with his party friends?” Emmett nearly gagged as he spoke.

“You know, Mikey. Always playing a role if he thinks it will bring him advantages in life,” Brian spat, not wanting to think of his former best friend who had turned out to be the biggest traitor of anyone he had ever known.

When right wing, Christian nutjobs all over the US had started to campaign for senate and mayoral races, Liberty Avenue had been up in arms. Yes, Brian had helped Stockwell's campaign in Pittsburgh, because it had been his job, but at the time nobody had seen how what had been going on in Pittsburgh had been going on all over the country at the same time. How religious freaks had slowly but surely taken over city by city, county by county, state by state, until they had made it to the top of the White House and Supreme Court. At first nobody had taken the religious, far-right movement serious, had considered them nutjobs, but the more cities they had won, the more people they had convinced with their conservative message, the clearer it had become that this was a really dangerous movement and that Pittsburgh and Stockwell hadn't just been an exception in the grand scheme of things.

While most members of the LGBT community had turned against candidates like that, others, including Michael, had supported them. Apparently, they had been able to ignore the anti LGBT stance in favour of values such as low crime rates and cleaned up neighbourhoods. Michael had been all for cleaning up Liberty Avenue, now that he had been living his life as a Stepford Fag with Ben and much to Ben's distress, had soon after joined their ranks, saying that it was his duty to do his part to ensure a safer Pittsburgh.

He had quickly started climbing up the ranks of the Pittsburgh Party and hadn't even seen the wrong of his ways when Stockwell had asked him to leave behind his gay lifestyle and turn towards a more Christian, hetero lifestyle. Within a year of Stockwell gaining power, Michael had left Ben, had started working for Stockwell and had pretty much given him information on every member of the Pittsburgh LGBT community.

Within two years, Michael had been set up with a beard, a woman from the party that he claimed to love, now that he knew the right way of living his life and he had married her shortly after.

Michael had become a fighter for the core values of the party, had helped Gilead spread its message all over the country and every once in a while, he had ratted out someone in the LGBT community, to get him into a higher position with more power.

By the time all their lives had been turned into a living hell, not being able to work anymore, to earn money or to legally leave the country, Michael had been living in a huge mansion just outside of Washington, being assistant to the leader of the organisation that was in charge of Gilead's concentration camps. Michael sure had risen up the ranks while all his former friends had lost their livelihood and in many cases even their lives.

When his own mother had started to draw unwanted attention to the fact that he himself was a queer and was only living a lie to please the party, he had not stopped from having her arrested and locked away to protect his standing in the party. Michael Novotny had long ago turned away from Liberty Avenue and had turned to his new life in Gilead.

“That fucking weasel,” Emmett muttered angrily, not even trying to hide his hatred of the man.

“Between him and Craig, it was never an option to just have me killed and be done with me,” Brian muttered.

“Craig? Justin's father?” Emmet asked wide-eyed.

“Never been a fan of mine,” Brian shrugged nonchalantly.

“Does Justin know?”

“That his father is an asshole? I am sure he does...”

“That his father played a role in what happened to you in Gilead,” Emmett said slowly, as if still trying to wrap his own head around it.

Brian shrugged. “I didn't tell him, but I wouldn't be surprised if he figured it out on his own. We've all seen how Craig made Jennifer's and Molly's life a living hell.”

“Those poor souls,” Emmett sighed, knowing that there hadn't been any word on them for years. “How...how did you make it out?”

Brian shrugged, as if to not let what had happened have too much importance. “I got lucky... Caught a lucky break and made it to the border and across.”

“Just like that?” Emmett asked, his eyes wide.

“Just like that. Sometimes a lucky break is all you need.”

“Well, in that case I am glad you got it. Everyone is so relieved that you're here,” Emmett said sincerely. “And Gus... He's so happy to have you back. Poor boy, he was suffering so much... having lost Mel and Linds and then thinking that you had died as well...”

“I didn't. I am here. It's all that matters,” Brian muttered, his features closed off once more.

“Do you think... they spread that rumour of your death on purpose?” Emmett asked after a while, his mind still trying to make sense of everything.

Brian shrugged. “I wouldn't be surprised... Craig would have loved one last shot at Justin... no matter how low it was...”

“As would Michael,” Emmett pointed out, knowing how much their former friend had always hated Justin and the fact that Brian had loved Justin and not him. “He was always looking for ways to break you two up.”

“Yeah,” Brian sighed, his voice getting wistful. “I wonder if he knows that it worked...”

“Worked?” Emmett frowned, looking at Brian in confusion, though Brian noticed that he didn't nearly look as confused as he should have and was mostly pretending.

Not feeling in the mood to play any games, Brian just went ahead, saving himself and Emmett a painful conversation. “I know about Ethan... Justin told me...”

“Oh,” was all that escaped Emmett's lips, before his eyes turned incredibly sad. “I... I don't know what to say, Brian.”

“How about the truth? There seems to have been a huge lack of that in recent years...”

“Brian,” Emmett started, not feeling like he should be the one to fill Brian in on Ethan and Justin's relationship. He didn't really want to get involved in the mess he knew this would turn into.

Brian didn't have any of it though and urged Emmett to go on. “Does he love him?”

Emmett could easily hear the pain in Brian's voice as he had asked the question. Brian Kinney, the stud of Liberty Avenue who had always lived by the credo that he didn't do love and relationships and had then fallen for a 17 year old schoolboy on Liberty Avenue and had given his heart to him over the coming years. Brian might have insisted that he didn't do love or relationships, but any fool had quickly seen that Justin had been different to his usual tricks and how he usually treated them and everyone who had known them well, had quickly realised that they had been the real deal.

Especially after Justin's prom, the way Brian had taken care of him, had helped him get better, the way they had supported each other and stuck together when Stockwell had gotten elected and when the first laws against the LGBT community had been passed. The way they had stepped up and taken care of Gus once Lindsay and Melanie had received their travel authorisations to Australia. Any fool had seen that Brian Kinney did indeed do love and he did it for Justin Taylor.

Brian might have never admitted to loving Justin, but Emmett had known for a long, long time that their love had been real. Long before Gilead and even more so after the rise of that hated regime. Even more so when he had heard of Brian's sacrifice for Gus' and Justin's wellbeing. People might have argued that Brian had only done it for Gus and so that Gus would have someone to take care of him, but Brian wouldn't just have entrusted his son's life to anyone. The fact that he had entrusted it to Justin, the fact that he and Justin had made it that far in their flight attempt together spoke of the deep love Brian felt for the younger man. Emmett had never had any doubt and the pain in Brian's voice now as he asked if Justin really loved another man, was all Emmett needed to hear to know that he had been right. Brian Kinney did love. He loved Justin Taylor. Even now.

For the longest time Emmett didn't want to answer Brian's question, but in the end he knew that his friend deserved some honesty and the truth. “Yes, he does. They are good together.”

Brian closed his eyes and nodded slowly, before he turned away from Emmett once more.

“I think I am tired. I should get some sleep,” Brian said in a voice strangely void of emotions and without seeing Brian's eyes, just by the tone of his voice Emmett knew that he had been dismissed.

He looked at his friend sadly, before nodding to himself. He could understand that Brian needed some time alone to deal with the fact that the man he loved was now in love with someone else.

“I am sorry, Brian,” Emmett said quietly, as he got up and gave his friend's shoulder a squeeze. “I'll come by tomorrow or the day after to see how you're doing.”

He didn't expect a reply and wasn't surprised when he didn't get one. Looking sadly at his friend in the hospital bed that looked too big for him, almost as if it was swallowing him up whole, Emmett made his way over to the door and left.

He never saw the single tear that ran down Brian's face as the door closed behind him.