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"So... here we are," Justin needlessly observed, his eyes touching on all the empty beer bottles on Brandon's coffee table. "I- I guess you did have more than a few."

 

Grimacing at the mess, and the reminder of what his drinking and driving could have resulted in, Brandon rushed forward and grabbed the offending bottles, tossing them quickly into the trash. "Sorry. I forgot I hadn't disposed of them." He smiled warmly at the blond, his hand gesturing him forward. "Come, sit down, Justin. Let's try to forget about all that happened tonight."

 

Justin bit at his lip uncertainly, yet his footsteps carried him next to Brandon on the couch. This had been a long, and crazy night. More than anything, he just wanted to sleep, perhaps in doing so he could work it out in his mind. He wasn't convinced of that likelihood at all. Forgetting about it wasn't exactly what he wanted, though. There had been some very unpleasant moments tonight, even devastating ones; however, there had been good ones too. Justin didn't want to think about some of the more pleasurable ones. That was something he needed to let go of... in doing so, concentrate on things that made more sense. "So, uhhh, you wanted to talk?'

 

Brandon moved a bit closer to Justin. "Yeah. I guess I did. But I'm just as happy to sit here looking at you."

 

Blushing, Justin stammered, "Y-you are always so flattering, Brandon. I- I never know what to expect from you."

 

"That's a good thing. Surprise should heighten your interest, and I don't think there's any question that I want to keep you very interested." Brandon's eyes swept over the face of the beautiful blond, inwardly tormented on how to proceed with what he eventually must tell him; yet, still playing out the possible ways to do it in a way that wouldn't alienate Justin from him. He reached out and caught Justin's hand in his own. Squeezing it gently, Brandon asked, "Is there?"

 

Shaking his head, Justin looked away... his own guilt consuming him. "No, there isn't. That's why I need to be honest with you, Brandon." When he felt Brandon's hand tensing in his own, he looked at him to say, "I care about you... a lot. I need to tell you about tonight - all of it."

 

Brandon knew exactly where this was heading... the very words that he had feared hearing could be coming his way. Something had happened between Justin and Brian. He had known that it had, or at the very least, had nearly happened; Brandon just wasn't sure he wanted to have the confirmation. It appeared that Justin wasn't giving him any choice. "Justin..." he began hesitantly. "You don't have to tell me anything. There isn't a doubt that I'd like us to have an exclusive relationship, but I get that you're not there - at least, not yet."

 

Releasing Brandon's hand, Justin vaulted up from the couch, pacing in front of it in agitation. Running a hand through his hair, he grumbled, "I don't know where I am. That's precisely the problem! I care about you, Brandon; I really do. There's only one other problem..."

 

"Brian..." Brandon spat out, the jealousy he had never felt toward his brother coiling up inside of him like the most venomous of snakes. At least, never felt until Justin had come into their lives. Everything had changed between him and Brian. At this point, he wasn't even sure they could go back. Even amidst his jealousy and anger, that did sadden him. He loved Brian. There wasn't a doubt of that; however, right now, committing with Justin seemed to matter more. Looking up, he briefly encountered the stunned look on Justin's face. Justin wasn't accustomed to him speaking Brian's name with such harshness. He wasn't used to that either. Looking away out of guilt amassing from several places, Brandon forced himself to ask the question he hadn't wanted to ask. "Something happened between the two of you tonight?"

 

"Yes..." Justin admitted, his head downcast, guilt causing his heart to beat faster in his chest. "It was after my parents had left, and we were talking. I told you about all of that." He glanced up to meet the accusation in Brandon's eyes, before he looked away once more. "We connected like never before; I can't explain it, just for that moment things were different between us. I couldn't think about anything else."

 

"Obviously..." Brandon muttered, rage once more renewing within him. He didn't move from the couch, yet his eyes stayed accusatory on the man he was determined to keep, no matter how much had progressed between Justin and his brother. "Why did you come home with me, Justin? It couldn't have been because you actually wanted to be with me. Be honest about it - I am nothing but a stand-in for my brother..."

 

Justin gasped, at once turning hurt eyes onto his sort-of boyfriend. "Brandon, that's not at all fair. And you know it's not true."

 

"Do I, Justin?" Brandon stood to his feet, slowly walking over to Justin. "Do I really? Brian is my brother, and I love him, but let's face it - he's always in between us! Always!"

 

"I don't mean for him to be..." Justin sighed wearily; he couldn't possibly deny Brandon's allegations. He hated this so much - the confusion regarding these two gorgeous, yet very different brothers... but more than that, he hated what he'd done to their relationship. It didn't matter that he hadn't purposely caused the rift; all that really mattered now was that it existed. Walking away from both of them might be the fairest thing he could do. As he read the anger and obvious pain in Brandon's eyes, Justin realized it was probably too late to mend any rifts now. "This goes back for longer than you know; I just admitted that to Brian tonight."

 

Shaking his head in confusion, Brandon asked, "What are you talking about? Are you saying you are one of Brian's one-time encounters before you arrived at Pitt? Your innocence is another lie?"

 

"No! Of course not!" Justin glared at Brandon, his patience quickly evaporating. "You know, maybe I should just go back to campus. I can take a cab. It's clear that all we're doing here is fighting; I really don't want to do that... especially on the same night we thought we had lost you."

 

"I'm sorry, Justin. I guess I'm being an insensitive jerk; I'm just trying to understand what's happening here." Brandon was fairly certain what was happening, he just needed to know how much damage Justin's little moment with Brian tonight had caused. "Please just finish explaining what you were trying to tell me."

 

Justin eyed him warily. "Okay, but only if you can be calm, and have a clear head about it."

 

Brandon mentally groaned. He didn't like the sound of that at all. "Okay. I realize that lashing out isn't going to solve anything. I'll be quiet and listen." He tried to deliver a reassuring smile, realizing it was probably far from convincing. "At least, I'll try..."

 

"I guess that's all I can ask." Justin took a deep breath, before he admitted, "Brian was in the same high school as me. Obviously, he was a couple of years ahead. We definitely didn't travel in the same circles, and essentially, he didn't even know I was alive."

 

Snorting in disbelief, Brandon interjected, "Hmph. I doubt that."

 

A look of reproof quickly followed. "That is your definition of being quiet and listening??"

 

"Sorry..." Brandon sheepishly returned. "I guess I know my brother too well, and back in those days when he was just really beginning to explore his sexuality - well, you had to be unbelievably hot to him. Perhaps even more than you are now."

 

"Well, as I said... our paths didn't cross much. Only at a distance on those rare occurrences. My point is this - I had a bit of a crush on him back then." Justin bit his lip as he watched the color draining from Brandon's face. "I'm not telling you this to hurt you; I would never do that. Brian didn't even know - that is, not until tonight. I told him, as I'm telling you now too. I want complete honesty between us. This is all messed up enough without lies complicating matters more."

 

Brandon's eyes became glazed, his breathing slightly accelerating. This brought them back to his own lie... and one just as threatening to the progress of their relationship - perhaps even more of one. He didn't know how he could tell Justin now, or even in the near future... However, what choice did he have? Brian could tell Justin at any moment; not to mention, it would become increasingly difficult to hide his much-improved health. His mind raced as he tried to think of another way to reveal the truth without making it appear as a deception. Right now, that felt like his only hope in keeping Justin.

 

"Are you okay? Brandon??" Justin asked, the concern deepening his voice. Brandon had become so quiet, pale, and his breathing clearly wasn't right. When Brandon's eyes began to flutter in his trancelike state, Justin rushed forward, guilt once again consuming him. "Fuck. I'm so sorry, Brandon. Never once did I consider your condition when we started to argue. This can't be good for you."

 

"No, it's okay, Justin. I don't want to be treated like some kind of invalid." Brandon shuddered. "Anything but that..."

 

Justin wasn't about to be dissuaded. Now wasn't the time for this. "You know, I'm kind of tired. Maybe we should both get some sleep, and look at it again in the morning."

 

"Maybe you're right," Brandon agreed, in fact, he thought that was the best idea of all. Time was what he needed. Time to figure out exactly how to repair the damage he had caused. "Uhhh, Justin? Could you do something for me?"

 

"Of course. What is it?" Justin asked, worry and guilt continued to plague him.

 

Brandon lowered his eyes to the floor, then back again. He knew what he was about to say was all kinds of wrong, but he couldn't help himself. Building on their connection was all he had right now. He wasn't going to waste the opportunity. "Don't sleep on the couch. Stay with me in my room."

 

"Brandon... I'm not sure that's a good idea." Justin chewed on his lip thoughtfully. "I- I mean, after all we've discussed, now just isn't the time to complicate things more. You know?"

 

"I didn't mean like that, Justin. I get that you're not ready for that." A shaky smile curved his lips, one that he knew would appear vulnerable, and slightly hesitant. Unless he missed his mark, he was sure Justin would succumb to it. "I- I just don't want to be alone tonight. I guess I'm not feeling quite right. I promise I won't touch you; I'd just really like to have someone I care about close to me. If I'm asking too much, don't worry about it; I understand completely."

 

Justin moved even closer, his arms wrapping around Brandon's waist, and snuggling into him. His voice was soft and trusting as he answered, "You're not asking too much. I want to be there for you, Brandon."

 

Brandon smiled as he closed his arms around the beautiful blond. An idea suddenly came to mind in how this lie could be a thing of the past, and yet, he wouldn't have to divulge his dishonesty. Doctors made mistakes every day; Justin would be relieved that he was no longer terminal and that deception would be ended. In his mind, despite knowing it was wrong, this solution was a win/win for both of them. Brian probably wouldn't see it the same way, but he couldn't care about that. This was about holding on to what he loved; Brandon was desperately determined to do that. There wasn't a doubt in his mind that he was the best brother for Justin. The one that could give the sensitive young man what he needed - physically and emotionally. In time, they would all understand that.

 

TBC

 

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