Brian lifted the bottle of beer to his lips, his back leaning against the bar as his eyes took in all the hot bodies that were already assembling tonight. He intended to spend a great deal of time in the backroom tonight... that decision served two purposes. One... it was the only way he knew of relieving his frustration and torment that this day evoked in him, and it would distance himself from his well-intentioned friends. Both were what he most needed.

A scowl twisted Brian's lips when he heard Emmett nearly cooing in his ear. Fuck. The rest would descend on him soon. He could see Michael weeding through the crowd now. Mikey had never been able to keep up with him - in more ways than one. Turning his head, Brian took in Emmett's entirely too queened-out ensemble. Again, he was reminded how little things ever changed. Squinting at the display he made, he cuttingly asked, "What the fuck color are you even wearing?"

"Well, Darling... that is a story all in itself." Emmett turned to face the nearby bartender, his eyes sweeping over him in interest, before he breezily called out, "Can I get a Cosmo, Sweetie? And keep them coming."

Great, Brian thought to himself. Tonight he was all about tricking, and falling into an alcohol/drug-induced stupor... and he was going to get meaningless stories - not to mention a drunken fuchsia-clad nightmare. At least, he thought that was the closest identifiable color to the ridiculous clothing Emmett was currently sporting. As the day progressed, he knew his life was undeniably fucked - in all aspects! Drolly, Brian retorted, "No time for bedtime stories tonight." His eyes homed in on a brunet dancing with a trio of men in the distance. That was more of what he had in mind. Downing the rest of his beer in one thirsty gulp, Brian slammed the bottle onto the bar, his glance dismissive when he spoke, "Later..."

Brian grimaced when he felt Michael's hand reaching out to restrain him. "Fuck off, Michael. Go find yourself a hot little trick."

Michael sputtered in outrage, "A trick!? What the fuck, Brian? I'm very happily married - as you well know. You were there... remember?"

His face instantly drained of all color. Yeah, he remembered it well. Another memory that featured Justin. Almost instantaneously, he recalled the workout bike in the gym. It had been late; yet, Justin had missed him in their bed. He closed his eyes as he remembered how great it had felt to endure the strenuous exercise, but that had been nothing compared to Justin straddling him on the bike, before he fucked his young lover senseless on it... never missing a beat. Fuck. How he missed that... and so much more. Justin. Always Justin...

He hated how these memories appeared without any warning; even more than that, he hated that empty feeling in his gut. A nagging feeling always persisted long afterward that something was missing. He always told himself that it was just him missing that persistent little ray of sunshine that had forever changed his life... but sometimes, he felt it was more. Returning his eyes to the prey that he vowed wouldn't slip away, Brian forced himself to stay on track. "Thanks for the return trip down memory lane. Tonight, though, I intend to make new ones."

"Brian, I'm sorry..." Michael called out, regret instantly making his heart ache. "I didn't think."

A slow shrug answered. "No worries, Michael. It's all in the past. I'm looking toward the future now."

Emmett took a slow sip of his drink, his eyes following Brian over the rim. "Let him handle it his way, Michael. That's all we can do."

"But he's not handling it, Em. Anything but! He needs to find a way to say goodbye to Justin... and move on with his damned life!"

"It's not for us to decide, Sweetie. Brian isn't like the rest of us - he never has been." Emmett's expression was almost wistful as he spoke the words, both of them knowing that he was just as concerned... although more accepting of his inability to bring about a change. "It's so hard to believe... even now."

Michael turned to look at Emmett, understanding immediately passing between them. "You mean about Justin." At Emmett's affirmative nod, Michael continued, "Yeah, I can't believe it's been three years now. It seems just yesterday they were planning their wedding. I'd never seen Brian so happy. It was a miracle... only to be totally destroyed."

"Yeah. Justin was the miracle." A tear slid down Emmett's cheek. "It's so damned unfair. Justin should have outlived all of us. I just don't get how fate could be so cruel!"

"It's all part of life." Michael's eyes watched Brian with concern, his own remorse plaguing him as well. "We never know what will happen. I just wish it hadn't taken me so long to grow up and to see how good Justin was for Brian. I fucked up a lot, and Justin suffered because of it. Now it's too late to make things right."

Emmett sighed, before pulling Michael closer for a tight hug. "Awww, baby. It's all in the past now. And I think Justin considered you his friend before everything went to hell. I guess we all miss him in different ways." Emmett cautiously eyed Brian, unable to miss how Brian's marks ran their hands over him... yet with Brian exhibiting a tight-lipped expression. He was going through the motions - barely. Brian needed closure, and he wasn't going to find it like this. Placing soothing strokes along Michael's back, Emmett whispered, "I guess I didn't see it before now, but Brian does need help. He can't go on like this."

Pulling out of Emmett's comforting embrace, Michael looked in Brian's direction... instantly seeing what Emmett himself now could see. Brian was broken. He hadn't returned to his former self really... although, that was what he wanted everyone to think. He was barely surviving. It wouldn't surprise him to know that Brian was living through his memories, even if only subconsciously. He believed that only letting go of his past with Justin would allow him to move on. In time, Brian might be able to look back on his memories and see them as a blessed time with someone he had loved so much. As of now, there was no doubt, Brian viewed those reflections as weakness. In his opinion... that was completely untrue.

"Yeah." Michael agreed with Emmett's assessment completely. His eyes narrowed as Brian walked away from his tricks, uncertain about what he was doing next. Once he realized he was coming toward the bar again, he decided this could be his last chance at intervention tonight. Silent as Brian ordered a double shot of whiskey, he found himself placing an offer that he knew would be the only solution that would bring peace to his own state of mind tonight. "Brian, why don't you come home with me? We can hang out... just the three of us."

Brian snorted derisively, virtually inhaling the whiskey in front of him. "I'm leaving, but it won't be to join you in Stepfordville." His eyes moved to his tricks that were slipping into their coats, watchful as they waited for him by the door. "I have other plans tonight..."

Seeing his opportunity quickly vanishing, Michael grasped Brian's arm, uncaring of the anger in his best friend's eyes. Brian was attempting to appear irritated and cold to everyone around him, but the pain was there for all to see. "Don't do this, Brian. It won't help."

"Right... I suppose you know what would..." Brian snapped, more than finished with this day, and the good intentions of his friends. "How about I tell you." His eyes slithered over a silent, yet wide-eyed Emmett, then his determined best friend. "I am going to take my tricks home and fuck the living hell out of them. Then, tomorrow, I will go back to work as usual. After that, I will go on fucking whoever I want - whenever I want. End of story..."

"You are living in denial... and we both know it! Snap out of it, Brian. You need to quit trying to forget Justin. Obviously, you can't do that! Let him go so you can live a proper life!" Michael didn't miss the flicker of pain in Brian's eyes as Justin's name and memory fully penetrated the wall Brian had surrounded himself with. "As of now, you might be walking and breathing, but you are buried right alongside him. Justin wouldn't have wanted that for you... and I think you know that too."

Brian's glance was scathing as it slid over Michael. What angered him the most was in knowing his words to be true. However, he wasn't prepared to acknowledge that now. Perhaps not ever... "What I know is this - I am leaving... and I am bored with this entire discussion. Goodnight boys."

Emmett's heart pounded in his chest as he watched Brian striding to the door as if he were fleeing the most hounding of demons. "Well... that was brutal. I hope you know what you're doing, Mikey."

"I hope so too, Em... and that I haven't pushed him even further away." Michael's eyes were thoughtful on the uncharacteristic, hunched shoulders of Brian as he virtually fled from the bar. Although Brian's words hadn't said as much, he now moved as a defeated man. Perhaps that was a sign that he was beginning to hear the words he had been speaking to him for three long years. He hoped that in the cold light of day, Brian would realize what his life had become, and begin dealing with his pain. Only then could he live again.

TBC