Chapter 16

An hour later Brian and Justin were sitting at the kitchen table, drinking from their cups of coffee.

Justin had just been on the phone and put his mobile back on the table when the call ended.

“That was Emmett,” he said quietly, not looking at Brian, but the cup of coffee that stood before him. “He said Luke arrived safely and that we shouldn’t worry. He’ll take care of him.”

Brian put down his cup, then reached out and took Justin’s hand. “You know that he will.”

Justin nodded, but didn’t say anything else. He looked at his coffee as if it offered the answers to life’s biggest questions.

“I think I’ll go to the studio for a bit,” he suddenly announced, looking up at Brian from sad, blue eyes. “Try to get some work done.”

Brian knew that Justin wasn’t going to the studio in the hopes of getting some serious work done. His studio had always been a place that gave him solace and peace and Brian knew that Justin desperately needed both right now.

They hadn’t talked much in the last hour, but the silence hadn’t been oppressive. They had both hung on to their own thoughts and knew that they would both need some time to come to terms with what had happened. They would talk, they would be there for each other, they would comfort each other, but sometimes they also needed time to face what had happened on their own and Brian knew that better than anyone. While he hadn’t wanted to leave Justin alone, he had secretly longed for some time on his own as well, so he could come to terms with what had taken place earlier. Therefore, he didn’t try to stop Justin, he didn’t offer that they could stay together, he didn’t offer that they could talk. Instead he just nodded, knowing that he could do with some time on his own as well. Not that he would have ever said so to Justin or would have left him alone, but since Justin was suggesting it himself, Brian felt like he could go along with his husband’s wishes.

“That sounds like a good idea,” he said gently, running his thumb over the back of Justin’s hand. “I think I might go and take a walk.”

“I am not trying to push you away… I just need some... time and space,” Justin said quietly, meeting Brian’s gaze, trying to convey with his eyes that this wasn’t about Brian and wanting to be away from him, but that this was about the need to just be alone with his feelings and emotions for a while.

“I know,” Brian replied. “And I understand. Better than you might think. I can do with some time alone myself,” he admitted.

Now it was Justin’s turn to nod. He knew Brian well enough to know that he usually prefered working through his feelings on his own before he was ready to talk about them.

They finished their coffees in silence, before Brian got up and took their cups, placing them in the sink. When he came back to the table, he pulled Justin up and held him close. He placed a soft kiss on his head, before he pulled back again.

“Go, take your time. I’ll be back in a while.”

Justin leaned back in and placed a soft kiss on Brian’s lips before he turned around and made his way towards the hallway and the stairs that would lead up to his studio.

He stopped in his tracks when he saw Gus coming down the stairs. Gus stopped as well when he saw his father.

“Gus…,” Justin started, looking at Gus from concerned eyes.

“I don’t want to talk right now,” Gus immediately said, his voice neither angry nor cold, but just sad.

Justin nodded in acceptance, knowing that there was no point to force him into a conversation if he wasn’t ready for it.

Alerted by hearing voices in the hallway, Brian joined them a couple of seconds later, looking from Gus to Justin and back. He didn’t say anything when he saw Justin shake his head and give him a look that asked him not to.

“I was thinking that I could head over to Grandma Deb’s and pick up Vicky. Spend some time with her and Jenny while I am here,” Gus said, not looking at either man.

“Yeah,” Brian replied. “I am sure they would both love that.”

“You don’t have to wait with dinner for us. We’ll get something on the way back,” Gus continued as he walked down the stairs and over to the coat rack to get his winter coat.

“Let me get you some money,” Justin offered, but his comment was waved away by Gus.

“Don’t worry about that.” Without another word he put on his coat and then left the house.

Brian and Justin looked after him before they turned to each other.

“At least he will come back,” Brian muttered, before he went to the coat rack himself to get his own woollen coat. “I’ll be back in a while, okay?”

“Okay,” was all Justin said, before Brian turned around as well and left the house.

As he made his way up to his studio there was no one left in the empty house to see the tears on his face.

***

Brian sat in his study and was looking at some designs for a new campaign on his laptop. He had been looking at the same drafts for nearly an hour now, though he wasn’t sure that he had really seen them or paid them any attention at all. His mind was somewhere else and not the least bit interested in focusing on work right now.

The walk in the grounds had helped clear his mind a bit and had helped him to work through some of the emotions that were fighting for dominance inside him right now, but the moment he had returned to an absolute quiet house, that had been gone.

Their house was hardly ever quiet and right now that quiet only reminded him more of what had happened earlier and why the house was quiet.

Luke was gone and staying with Emmett for the time being, Gus had left to spend the rest of the day with his sisters and Justin was still hiding away in his studio, trying to work through his own pain, pain that had once again been caused by Brian’s actions.

Brian was painfully aware that he was the one responsible for the drama that had unfolded earlier that day and he knew that the only one to be angry with was himself. He was the one to blame and knowing that didn’t necessarily make it easier to face Justin for that matter. He had secretly been glad when he had come home and Justin had still been locked away in his studio. At least it gave him a bit of time where he wasn’t confronted by the pain on his husband’s face and the sadness in his even more expressive eyes, both a constant reminder of how he had once again failed the one person he loved more than anything.

He had tried to distract himself from those thoughts by getting some work done, but that hadn’t worked. The moment he had settled in his office and had opened his laptop, the image on his screen, his desktop background, had been like a new punch to the gut. He had stared at the picture of them on their last family vacation together, a picture of him, Justin and their three kids, all smiling happily and looking excited as they had their picture taken in front of the sunset by their waiter when they were ready to leave their beachside restaurant.

It had taken him a long time before he had been able to pull his eyes away from the happy, sunkissed faces of his children and the shining eyes of his husband to open his email inbox. And even then he had only been able to think back to that image instead of being able to focus on the work he had wanted to do. Would they ever take pictures like that again?

He stopped his dark thoughts when he was pulled out of his reverie by an excited almost six year old that had just stormed into his office.

“Daddy!”

At least one of his children still seemed to be happy and excited to see him, he thought to himself as he looked up from his laptop towards the whirlwind making his way over to him.

“Hey, princess! You seem excited,” he said as he opened his arms and allowed Vicky to climb onto his lap, excitedly wrapping her small arms around his neck, covering his face in kisses.

“Gus took me bowling, Daddy! And I got 8 pins in one go. 8!” Her little face was shining bright like the sun, a big smile all over it.

“8? That is pretty good,” Brian agreed, hugging her close, not willing to let her go yet. Just hearing her excited voice and seeing her happy face did wonders to him. He couldn’t help but smile at her enthusiasm when five minutes ago smiling had been the last thing on his mind. She really was his little miracle, in so many different ways.

“Gus says that I will have a strike soon if I continue to practice,” she said, excitedly bobbing her head up and down. “Can you and Papa go and practice with me when Gus is gone? Please??? I want to win against him the next time he takes me bowling.”

“I am sure that we can arrange that,” Brian promised, looking at her happy face with a gentle smile on his own. “Maybe we can find some time next week,” he offered, smiling even wider when she squealed happily.

“Where is Papa?” Vicky then asked, looking at her father wide-eyed. “I want to tell him as well.”

“He’s up in his studio. Why don’t we go check on him? I am sure he’ll love to hear about your trip to the bowling alley.” Brian then got up and held his daughter close as they made their way towards Justin’s studio. He figured that Justin could use some cheering up as well and there really was no one better for that job than Vicky.

***

“There you go,” Justin said once he was done brushing Vicky’s long blond hair and had braided it into two plaits.

“Thanks, Papa,” Vicky smiled as she turned around and gave him one of her best sunshine smiles. She really was his daughter. Blond hair, blue eyes and the Taylor sunshine smile that everyone used to talk about.

When he looked at her though, he could also see so many things that were so typically Brian. The way she smirked, that special glint she got in her eyes when she was up to something and she most definitely had Brian’s nose.

“You’re welcome. You know I love doing your hair,” he replied, before he helped her into her pyjama and then led her to her bedroom.

She hopped into her bed and climbed under the covers. “Will you tell me a story, please?”

He sat down on the edge of the bed and looked down at her. “Daddy will.”

“I love Daddy’s stories,” she said as she allowed Justin to pull the blanket over her.

“I know you do. And he loves telling them to you,” Justin smiled, knowing that it was the truth. Over time bedtime stories had kind of become Brian’s thing to do with Vicky. Justin usually helped her with her bath and hair, but Brian would be the one to tell her a story before she fell asleep.

That had never been a conscious decision between the two of them, it had just sort of happened and gave them both some quality time with their daughter. Quality time that had done Justin the world of good today. Just having his daughter hug him, kiss him, being happy in his presence had done him the world of good. He hadn't been able to help but smile when she had told him all about her and Gus’ trip to the bowling alley and how excited she had been when Justin had agreed that they could go and practice some more some time next week.

Spending time with her had been exactly what he had needed after the events of the day and by now he felt a lot better than he had an hour and a half ago. She had managed to dispel some of his gloomy thoughts and had been able to distract him if only for a while.

He knew that she had the same effect on Brian and he had seen on Brian’s face how much calmer and more content he had seemed when he and Vicky had come to get him from the studio. He knew that telling Vicky her bedtime story would be good for Brian.

“I love you, Papa,” Vicky said, raising her head, so Justin could give her a goodnight kiss.

“I love you, too, princess! More than you’ll ever know…,” he whispered as he also gave her a hug for good measure. He then got up, running his hand over her hair once more. “Sleep tight, okay?”

“You, too, Papa!”

“I will,” he said, before he left the room, looking for Brian, so he could tell her her bedtime story.

He found him in the bathroom, cleaning up some of the mess they had created earlier when Vicky had had her bath.

“She’s ready for her story now,” he said, running a hand over Brian’s back as he came into the room.

Brian nodded, throwing the towel that he had been holding into the hamper by the door.

“I will go back to the studio for a bit if you don’t mind,” Justin then said, waiting for Brian to turn around so he would face him. When he didn’t, Justin walked around his side and looked up at him. “Why don’t you come and get me when she’s asleep?”

He knew that he had kind of been ignoring Brian earlier when he had stayed in his studio even though he had known that Brian must have been back from his walk by then, but he hadn’t done it on purpose. He had just needed some space. And while he still didn’t feel okay, he knew that he already felt a lot better than just a few hours ago. He didn’t mean to ignore Brian and knew that they would need each other to get through this. Therefore he had offered this invitation to his husband.

“Okay,” Brian agreed, understanding the offer for what it was. Justin’s invitation to talk and spend time together. “I better head over there before she falls asleep before I even get started,” he then said, leaning down to leave a gentle kiss on Justin’s forehead.

“She’s waiting for you,” Justin said, giving Brian’s arm a squeeze before the older man left the bathroom in the direction of Vicky’s room.