Chapter 19

“Do you think we can have pancakes? I really want pancakes. I like pancakes.”

“I know you do. We all know you do.”

Justin smiled to himself when he woke up and heard the voices of his husband and daughter. He could feel that Brian wasn’t holding him any longer and felt his daughter’s small body resting against his back.

As had happened so many times before on so many weekends before, Vicky must have woken up early and must have decided to come into their room to talk to her daddy. As had always been the case, Brian was still a morning person and was up way earlier than Justin. He had always been the one to spend time with their children when Justin had still been asleep and if Justin was honest with himself, there weren’t many things he loved more than waking up to the sound of his husband’s and daughter’s hushed voices, engaged in an early morning conversation about pancakes or whatever else was on Vicky’s mind that particular day.

He loved these quiet moments and loved watching Brian in these unguarded moments with their children. He had loved seeing Brian like that with Gus and Luke and now loved seeing him like that with Vicky. It warmed his heart and made his stomach flutter.

“Because they are good, Daddy. Soooooo good. So can we have them today? Please?”

“I think that can be arranged. Once your Papa has woken up and is ready to think about breakfast, we can ask him nicely.”

“I hope he wakes up soon, I am hungry,” Vicky then said, her little voice sounding slightly impatient.

“You are always hungry. You’re my daughter. It’s genetic,” Justin chuckled, announcing that he was awake.

Before he had finished his statement, he found himself with an armful of Vicky, who had turned around in record speed and was now hugging him.

“PAPA! You’re awake!”

“Barely,” Justin admitted, but moved around and lifted his arm to welcome Vicky into a hug. “How long have you been up already?”

“Not long,” Vicky said, before she left a kiss on his cheek. “Papa, can we have pancakes? Please! I love pancakes.”

“Hmmm, pancakes sound good. I think I’d like some pancakes as well,” Justin nodded, kissing the top of her head, before he looked up and smiled up at Brian. “What about you?”

“I’ll stick to fruit salad,” Brian said with a gentle smile, which widened when Vicky pointed out that he would end up stealing most of Justin’s pancake anyway.

“She’s not wrong, you know?” Justin teased, before he slowly started to lift himself up and get up into a sitting position. Vicky immediately sat up as well and leaned against his side, happily resting her head on his chest.

“It doesn’t count if it comes off your plate,” Brian replied, before he sat up as well.

They stayed in bed for a couple more minutes before they finally decided to get up and move towards the kitchen to get breakfast done. Brian and Justin quickly brushed their teeth while Vicky patiently waited, Brian then went to help her get ready while Justin made his way down into the kitchen and got started on the pancakes.

A couple of minutes later he felt long, strong arms around his waist and happily rested his back against Brian’s chest. “Morning,” he sighed happily as he prepared the first pancakes. “Has she been up long?”

“About an hour.”

Justin nodded, happily smiling to himself as he worked on the pancakes. Brian gently kissed his neck and his throat, but behaved himself, knowing that Vicky would be with them any second.

“You okay?” The older man asked, tightening his embrace. “You look better this morning than you did last night.”

Justin nodded slowly, before he turned around in Brian’s arms and met his gaze. “I am okay. Not great, but okay. I know we need to give it time and… it hurts, but… I am fine. You don’t have to worry about me.”

“I always worry about you,” Brian whispered, leaving a gentle kiss on Justin’s soft lips.

“And I love you for it,” Justin whispered back, resting his forehead against Brian’s. “What about you? How are you?”

Brian shrugged in reply but didn’t say anything.

“Brian,” Justin sighed, looking at his husband reproachfully.

“What do you want me to say?”

“The truth,” Justin said, resting a hand on Brian’s chest where his heart was beating strongly.

“I feel pretty shitty. And it’s made only worse by the fact that there’s nothing I can do to change anything about this mess. I know that for now we have to give them time and need to be patient, but… I am not a patient man.”

“I know,” Justin grinned, not able to help himself. It was true though. Brian was many things, but a patient man he was not. “Just talk to me, okay?”

Brian nodded, then gave Justin another quick kiss before he moved away and started setting the table. They worked in silence until they were joined by Vicky a couple of minutes later.

They had a nice breakfast together and enjoyed the pancakes and as Vicky had predicted, Brian had eaten almost half of Justin’s pancake even though he had insisted that he didn’t want any and would stick to his fruit salad.

Just as they were about to finish breakfast and clear the table, Gus came into the kitchen.

“Morning,” he said sleepily as he walked in and headed straight for the coffee machine to get himself a cup.

“Morning, Gus,” Justin said, looking from Gus to Brian and back. He noticed that Brian had nodded in some form of greeting but hadn’t really said anything. Very different to Vicky, who had immediately gotten up from her place and run towards her brother, wrapping her little arms around his waist.

“Morning, Gussy! I will miss you when you leave. Do you have to leave? Can’t you stay?”

“You know I have to go back to school,” Gus said after he had taken a sip of coffee. “But I will be back soon.”

“When?” Vicky asked, never letting go of her big brother.

“I don’t know exactly yet, but Christmas is in three weeks, so I’ll definitely be back then.”

“Three weeks? That’s a long time,” Vicky said sadly, her voice close to tears.

“But you know that we will talk a lot and you can video chat with me all the time. And who knows? Maybe I’ll be able to come home before that.”

“Yes, please! Please come home! I miss you.”

“I miss you, too,” Gus said sincerely as he pulled her close and ruffled her blond hair affectionately.

He then slowly managed to get out of Vicky’s embrace and made his way over to the kitchen table where his fathers were still sitting and watching the whole scene silently.

“Can you take me to the airport later, Dad?” Gus asked, not looking at Brian as he asked his question, but looking at his coffee cup instead.

Brian seemed honestly surprised by that question and was quiet for a couple of seconds before he cleared his throat. “Yeah… sure.”

“Thanks! I was thinking I could take one of the cars into town and have lunch with Jenny. I can meet you at Grandma Jen’s for dinner later and you can take me from there?”

Brian nodded in agreement. “Yeah, sure.”

“Thanks, Dad,” Gus said, before he got up again. “How about we go and do something together before I head into town?” He suggested in the direction of his little sister who happily agreed right away.

“Gus, don’t you want some breakfast?” Justin asked, looking after his son and daughter as they headed out of the kitchen.

“I’m fine, Papa. I’ll have some fruit later before I head into town.”

They watched as Gus and Vicky left the kitchen, then turned towards each other.

“That’s good,” Justin said as he took Brian’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “He’s ready to talk to you.”

“Or he just wants to give me a piece of his mind before he leaves for New York,” Brian muttered, shuddering slightly.

“That’s not who Gus is, you know that. I think it will be alright,” Justin assured his husband, before he got up as well and started clearing the table.

***

“Daddy, when is Luke coming back?” Vicky asked, looking at her father from big, sad eyes. Gus had just left to head into town to meet with Jenny and now it was just her and her fathers.

Brian had promised to take her on a walk around the grounds and they were walking down a path they had walked many times before while Justin had stayed behind in the house talking to Daphne.

“I don’t know,” Brian answered truthfully, holding on to her small hand in his as they continued walking.

“Why not? Didn’t he say how long he was going to stay with Auntie Em? I mean, you always tell me I am staying for a day or two or how long. Didn’t you tell him?”

“It’s a bit more complicated than that, princess,” Brian sighed, as they passed some trees at the end of their property and slowly turned around to head back in the direction of the house.

“Why is it complicated? I don’t like complicated,” Vicky announced, looking up at her father from blue eyes that looked so much like Justin’s – and Luke’s.

“Neither do I,” Brian said, before he took his daughter and picked her up. With nearly six years Vicky was almost too big to be carried around, but for a short time it would be fine and Brian just needed to have her close. He took a deep breath before he continued speaking. “Your Papa and I had an argument with Luke. He is angry with us right now and that’s why he’s staying with Emmett at the moment.”

“Why did you argue?” Vicky asked, sounding genuinely curious.

“It’s a long story and way too complicated for someone your age. But it’s not Luke’s fault. He’s just angry with me and your papa right now and we have to accept that. We need to give him a bit of time and I am sure then things will get back to normal and he will come back home.”

“Do you promise?” Vicky raised her eyes to meet her fathers. Even at her young age she already knew that promises were very important and you only made a promise when you could actually keep it.

“I wish I could,” Brian said sadly, hugging her a bit closer. “But I can’t. It’s not up to me. If it was, Luke would be back home already, believe me. Now we just have to be patient and I am sure soon things will be back to normal.”

“Why is Luke angry with you, Daddy? You and Papa are always nice, you never yell, you are never mean. Why would he be angry? You are the best Daddy in the world.”

Brian chuckled, his heart warmed by his daughter’s enthusiastic defence of himself and Justin. “I am glad that you think so, princess! It means the world to me.” Brian rubbed his nose against his daughter’s before he let her down again and they continued talking. “A long time ago I did something that wasn’t good and Luke found out now and it made him very angry. Which he is allowed to be. So now, we just have to be patient and wait for him to be ready to talk to us again.”

“If you did something bad, can’t you just apologise?” Vicky asked, looking up at her father. “Papa said that’s what you should do when you do something wrong. You should apologise, say you’re sorry and never do it again.”

“And your Papa is right about that,” Brian agreed. “And I will apologise as soon as he will listen to me again. I can promise that!”

“Okay,” Vicky nodded. They walked for a few minutes in silence and it was clear that Vicky was thinking about what Brian had said to her. “Daddy? Will Luke be at dinner tonight?”

“I don’t think so,” Brian admitted, knowing that it would make Vicky sad, but not wanting to lie to her. He doubted that Luke would show up to their Sunday dinner at Jennifer’s place. Not when he was still so angry with them and the rest of their family. “I don’t think he wants to see me or your Papa right now and he probably doesn’t want to see anyone else either.”

“Doesn’t he want to see me?” Vicky asked and Brian could see how glassy her eyes had gotten in an instant. He cursed himself for what he had said, knowing how it must have sounded to her and what she now felt. It must have felt like Luke didn’t want to see her either which would devastate her.

“Oh, princess. I am sure he would love to see you. He’s angry with me and your papa, but not with you. You know that Luke loves you very much. You’re his little baby sister and he will always want to see you.”

“And when can I see him? If he’s not coming home? I miss him,” Vicky cried, tears now running down her beautiful face.

Brian’s heart broke at the pain he saw in his daughter’s eyes and he picked her up once more, holding her tight.

“I know you do. We all do,” Brian whispered, running his hand over her cheeks, gently wiping away her tears. “Why don’t you call him when we get back to the house? I am sure he would love to speak to you. And maybe you can go and visit him at Emmett’s place some time next week and spend some time with him. Would you like that?”

Vicky nodded, tears still running down her face.

“Then that’s what we’ll do. We’ll call him when we get back to the house, okay?”

And that was what they did. After they made their way back home, Brian called Emmett’s house and asked Emmett if Luke wanted to speak to Vicky, explaining to him how much Vicky was missing her brother. Emmett promised to speak to Luke, admitting to Brian that Luke had mostly hidden away in his guestroom so far and hadn’t been very talkative, but he knew much like Brian did that Luke wouldn’t hurt his little sister. He loved her very much and they both were sure that Luke would agree to at least talk to her, if not to anyone else.

Ten minutes later, Emmett called back and Luke and Vicky got to talk for a couple of minutes. Vicky immediately cheered up when she heard her brother’s voice and she got even more excited when Luke promised that they would arrange something for the next day, so that Vicky could visit him.

***

“That was very nice of you,” Emmett said quietly, once Luke had ended the call and came into the kitchen to get something to drink.

Luke just shrugged. “It’s not her fault that her fathers are assholes.”

“Honey, you don’t mean that,” Emmett said quietly, looking at Luke from worried eyes. “Your dads love you very much. All three of you.”

“Whatever,” Luke just muttered before he grabbed his glass and headed for the stairs to the guestroom.

“Luke,” Emmett called after him, following him into the hallway. “Why don’t we sit down for a bit and talk? I know that you’re angry, but maybe talking about it will make you feel better. My aunt Lula always used to say that there’s nothing better than sharing your feelings with someone who cares about you. It will take a huge burden off your shoulders.”

“I don’t want to talk,” Luke just gave back as he continued up the stairs and closed the guestroom door behind himself.

“Alright, I got that,” Emmett sighed, looking after Luke with worry in his eyes.