Chapter 21

They had been driving towards the airport for ten minutes now, but so far neither of them had said a single word. They had driven in absolute silence. A silence that was eating at Brian and was driving him crazy.

Gus had seemed okay at dinner and had joined in the conversations, had talked to both his grandmothers and had also replied to things Justin or he had said, so he doubted that Gus was as angry as Luke was, but still, the silence between them in the car was driving Brian to the edge.

He sighed deeply, before he threw a quick glance towards his son. “Gus,” he started, but then didn’t really know what to say. He knew there were a lot of things he should say, but he wasn’t sure if Gus would be interested in hearing any of them.

“I am not angry, Dad,” Gus replied quietly, turning his head from the window towards his father, somehow sensing what was on his mind.

“You would have every right to be,” Brian said quietly, once again focussing on the road before him. For some reason it seemed easier to talk if he didn’t have to look at his son’s eyes. At least that way he wouldn’t have to see the pain and disappointment in them. Both feelings he had caused his son to feel.

“Not really,” Gus shook his head. “What happened mostly affected you, Papa and Luke. It didn’t really affect me that much.”

“Justin was out of your life as well… because of…,” Brian started, but was then interrupted by Gus.

“Because of what Lindsay did. Not because of what you did. After you guys broke up… he still came to Canada to see me. He still stayed in contact. The decision to not stay in my life wasn’t made by him.”

“She couldn’t have lied to him if I hadn’t lied to him first,” Brian said quietly, knowing that it was the truth. If he hadn’t broken up with Justin and had ended all contact, if he hadn’t kept his pregnancy a secret, Lindsay could have never lied to him and told him that he didn’t want him to see Gus any longer.

“Maybe, but… that was a decision she made. Your decision… it was only the catalyst for decisions she made subsequently.”

“I am not sure I agree,” Brian muttered, but left it at that. He saw his part in Lindsay’s scheme a bit differently to how Gus obviously saw it.

“I am not really surprised,” Gus stated matter of factly. “I thought about it for a long time last night and yes, you were the one to make the decision to keep Luke’s pregnancy a secret, but… you are not responsible for what everyone else did with that information and I think that’s something Papa saw as well. You are not responsible for how Grandma Jen and Grandma Debbie reacted to your pregnancy, you are not responsible for how my mothers reacted. Every single one of them made their own choices after you made your choice. And they all could have done the right thing, but no one did. That’s not on you, that’s on them.”

“I didn’t give them much choice,” Brian said truthfully.

“Everyone has a choice. You always taught us that. Everyone can do the right thing if they want to.”

A heavy silence settled between them that Brian broke after a few minutes. “You didn’t seem angry at dinner. If this is what you really think, shouldn’t you have been angry with your grandmothers?”

Gus shrugged. “I guess, but…,” Gus sighed, “What’s the point now? It all happened so long ago and things have changed so much by now. We have been a family for years now, you and Papa got married, everyone got on well for so many years. What’s the point in getting angry now about something that doesn’t really have an effect on my life anymore?”

“Just because it happened long ago doesn’t mean you can’t be angry about it,” Brian said, once again looking at his son. “And it can still have an effect after all these years.”

“But it doesn’t on my life,” Gus said quietly. “When you had Luke and everything with my mothers happened… I guess it would have been nice to have Papa around then as well, if only for additional support, but… you were there. You loved me, you took care of me, you were always there for me and the moment Papa came back into our lives, so was he. I don’t want to focus on a time when I was unhappy, when all of us were unhappy, when we’ve been happy for so long. I want to remember the good times, not dwell on the bad times.”

Brian couldn’t help but chuckle slightly, even though they were in the midst of a very serious conversation. “You are so much like Sunshine… sometimes it’s amazing to think that you’re my biological son and not his.”

Gus actually smiled at that. “It just shows what a big impact he has had on my life.”

“Yeah,” Brian said, now smiling gently. “And I am glad for it. You are a great man, Gus. You have no idea how proud we are of you.”

“Dad, Papa told me about…about your parents and your childhood,” Gus started, seeing how his father tensed immediately at the mention of his parents.

“I know, he mentioned it,” Brian just replied shortly, not offering anything else.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” Gus asked, now turning towards his father and looking at him from curious eyes.

“Because it didn’t matter.”

“I think it did,” Gus said quietly. “I never had any idea and… knowing how you grew up, what your life was like… It only makes me more grateful for my childhood.”

“I’ve never asked for anyone’s pity,” Brian muttered, his voice having an edge to it.

“It’s not about pity, Dad,” Gus gave back right away. “I think it’s something to be proud of.”

“Proud?” Brian snorted.

“Yes, proud,” Gus confirmed. “To know what your childhood was like and to know how hard you worked to escape that family. To know how much it affected you for so many years and how you overcame all of that for me, Luke and Vicky… How much you changed your life so we would never have to experience anything like that. I think that’s an incredible achievement.”

“You really sound too much like your Papa for your own good,” Brian harrumphed.

“Only because he’s right and you don’t know how to take a compliment,” Gus hit the nail on the head. “But I think it’s something to be proud of,” Gus turned to look out his window again, watching the scenery pass by before he continued, “I never had to wonder if I was loved. I never had to wonder what loving parents were like because… the moment there was a danger of me experiencing even the slightest pain, you stepped up and stepped in. You were there when my moms were too focused on themselves and forgot about me… You fought for me, you took me in and the same for Luke. Papa told me about your life before he left for New York… And I've always heard things... I know you were anything but a family man back then, but you became one for Luke. For both of us. I don’t think many people could have done that.”

“You two needed a father, not an over the hill club boy,” Brian said, still focussing on the road ahead.

“Yeah, but not many people could have changed like that without ever blaming us for what they had to give up,” Gus said reasonably. “Did you ever regret it?”

“What?” Brian asked. “Focussing on you and Luke?”

“Yeah,” Gus said quietly. “Giving up your old life… for us…”

“Not for a single second,” Brian said honestly, his voice absolutely sincere when he spoke. “And it wasn’t so much giving up my old life than really growing up. Something that was long overdue anyway.”

“I think it’s a great accomplishment,” Gus said quietly. “I know that I couldn’t have asked for a better father to be by my side and to love and support me.”

“It’s not like you have many fathers to compare to,” Brian muttered.

“I have two and I have seen my friends with their fathers and I know how lucky I have been to have you and Papa love me the way both of you did.”

Brian didn’t say anything to that, not quite sure how to reply to what Gus had just said.

“I know I wasn’t ever supposed to be raised by you, but by my mothers and… I can’t be sad about how things have turned out,” Gus continued when Brian had stayed quiet. “I wouldn’t be where I am today if it hadn’t been for you and Papa and the way you both loved me and supported me. So, yeah… you made a mistake in the past. I can’t say I really understand your reasons, but… I thought about it for a long time last night and I don’t have to understand them… Papa did and if he could forgive you, I guess I can too. All that matters to me is that you were always there for me when I needed you and that you were always honest with me. Talking to Papa last night, I remembered how much you had already told me about what had happened back then. How much both of you already tried to explain things to me and Luke back then and… that matters more to me than something that happened fifteen years ago. What matters to me is that you love me, that I never had to doubt if you and Papa loved me and that you both gave me a happy childhood and always supported me and made all my dreams possible.”

“Gus,” Brian said, his voice very emotional. “You deserve all the happiness you can get.”

“And you always made sure that I was happy. I won’t forget that, Dad. I love you. I loved you then and I love you now. I won’t lie and say I wasn’t hurt by what you told us yesterday, but… I won’t allow it to destroy our relationship. I love you and Papa too much for that to ever happen.”

Brian nodded, turning to look at Gus from glassy eyes. “I love you, too. More than you’ll ever know.”

They stayed quiet for the last ten minutes of their ride to the airport, but this time it was a comfortable silence between father and son. When they arrived at the airport, Brian parked the car and got out with Gus. He was surprised when Gus immediately came around the car and engulfed him in a hug.

“I love you, Dad!”

Brian hugged his son back and held him close. After a few minutes they pulled apart and nodded at each other. They would be okay. At the end of the day Gus loved him and Justin too much to be angry about something that had happened so long ago and that they had already paid for so heavily in their own ways.

They headed into the terminal building and Brian went as far with Gus as he could before they had to say goodbye.

They hugged once more, before Gus pulled away. “Please keep me updated on the situation with Melanie. If she does something... I want to know.”

Brian nodded. “I promise. We'll keep you in the loop.”

“Thanks, Dad! I'll message you guys when I get to my place and tell Vicky that I will call her in a couple of days.”

“She will like that. She misses you a lot when you're in New York. And now with Luke gone as well...,” Brian started, but then didn't continue.

Gus knew what his father was saying anyway though and nodded. “I know. I talked to him earlier,” Gus started and saw how his father's eyes widened in surprise at that statement. “I went to see him before I met with Jenny and... he's angry, but... I think he just needs a bit more time. He doesn't really remember what it was like when Papa came back from New York and... I think hearing the truth just shook his world a bit too much to just ignore and... I think once he looks at it with a clear head, he'll be more open to talking to you guys.”

Brian nodded, but didn't say anything else. He wasn't really sure what else there was to say.

“He loves you and Papa and I don't think he can stay mad at you for long,” Gus added, looking at his father from sincere eyes.

“He has a right to be angry,” Brian said after clearing his throat. “I wish he wasn't, but... he has every right to be and we will be here to talk to him whenever he's ready. We'll give him all the time that he needs.”

“Will you and Papa be okay?” Gus asked, raising an eyebrow in concern.

Brian shook his head in amazement. “You should be angry with us, not worrying about us,” he said, but then turned more serious and met his son's concerned gaze. “We're good,” he then said. “I can't say I like that this is once again causing trouble in our lives, but we knew we had to tell you the truth sooner or later and he and I... we've been through this before. We know how to deal with it. We're okay, you don't have to worry. If your Papa and I were able to work through it when it happened 15 years ago, we're also able to work through the memory of it now.”

“That's good,” Gus said. “I want you guys to be okay.”

“We are. We'll weather this storm just like we've weathered so many others before. We'll be fine,” Brian assured, pulling his son close once more. “Don't worry about us and concentrate on your studies.”

Now it was Gus' turn to shake his head in amusement. That had been such a Dad thing to say. “I will. I promise.”

They then said goodbye for good and Brian headed back to the car and back to Britin as Gus waited for his plane to take him to New York.

***

“How did it go?” Justin asked as he saw Brian come over and settle down on the sofa next to him. He had been watching some tv show or other, not really paying much attention as he had also been sketching at the same time.

“We're good,” Brian said, as he leaned closer to Justin and looked at the sketch he was working on. “He's been more understanding than I would have been. He didn't get that from me, that's for sure.”

Justin smiled as he handed Brian his sketchpad, noticing the way he was looking at the sketch and was trying to see what Justin had been working on.

“He's a good man. And he got that from you. You raised him to be a good man just like yourself,” Justin whispered as he saw Brian take in the sketch of Vicky in her bed, sleeping peacefully that he had been working on.

“Is that from earlier?” Brian asked as he nodded at the sketch, for now not replying to Justin's comment, but diverting the attention away towards the sketch.

Justin nodded as a smile spread on his face. “She fell asleep on the way back. She was already half asleep when we left mom's house and by the time we got here, I barely managed to get her to wake up enough to change into her pyjamas and brush her teeth. She was back to sleep five minutes later. She didn't even have time to miss your story.”

“She'll get one tomorrow,” Brian promised, before he put the sketchpad on the living-room table and turned towards his husband with a smile. “I could be persuaded to tell you a story tonight though...”

“Could you? Hmmmm, I wonder what story that would be...”

“The tale of King Brian of Babylon and his handsome prince Justin... it's a favourite of hers...You might like it as well,” Brian winked, leaning over and capturing Justin's lips in a kiss.

“King Brian, huh? If I remember correctly I was the king of Babylon, not you,” Justin snorted before returning the kiss and intensifying it. He slid down on the sofa and lay on his back, pulling Brian down with him.

“Artistic freedom,” Brian muttered as he leaned over Justin, looking into his blue eyes which were quickly turning dark with passion.

“And I thought I was also the artist in the family,” Justin huffed in mock annoyance, looking at Brian with a grin on his face.

“Not when it comes to bedtime stories,” Brian winked, running his hand through Justin's hair.

“Hmmm, I am really curious now and would love to hear the tale of King Brian and his prince. If Vicky loves it, I guess it must be a good one.”

Brian leaned in and kissed Justin once more, this time claiming his lips hungrily. When they pulled apart breathlessly, Brian muttered. “Oh, you're going to love it, trust me.”

Their lips then met again in another hungry kiss, before Brian's hands slowly started to move down Justin's chest, past his bellybutton and down to his crotch.

It took them almost an hour before they both were ready to continue the story of King Brian of Babylon and his prince Justin. This time they actually finished it in bed, like you would any good bedtime story and much as Brian had predicted, Justin seemed to have loved the story if his happy sighs and blissful moans were anything to go by.