Chapter 40

“Hey, sorry to come in and bother you. I just wanted to get some of Vicky's things for the night,” Justin said as a way of apology after he entered Jenny's room.

Once the group had returned from LA, Jenny had retreated to her room and had pretty much stayed there for the rest of the day. Debbie, Luke and Emmett had been by to try and talk to her, as had Brian and Gus, but Jenny had made it clear that she wanted to be alone and though everyone was worried, they respected her wish and left her alone.

When they had ordered room service earlier, Luke had taken some food to her, but Justin could see now that she had barely touched it. He felt really sorry for Jenny and wished that this day had ended differently for her.

“What? Why?” Jenny frowned after she had processed what he had said.

“Brian and I decided to let Vicky sleep in our room tonight. I am sure you'll appreciate her not bothering you with all her excitement about Mickey Mouse and Disney princesses and whatever,” he said as he went over to her bed and picked up a couple of things there.

And Vicky had been excited. For the most part she had been so excited about being at Disneyland and seeing all her favourite Disney characters and going on rides and taking in the park that she had gladly not realised much of the drama surrounding Jenny. Vicky knew that Jenny, Gus, her Daddy and Ted and Carl had been in LA for the day to meet Jenny's father and Brian and Justin had tried to explain to her that Jenny was a bit sad as the meeting hadn't gone all too well, but being only six years old, she was mostly excited about all things Disney and planning her adventures for the next day. Both Brian and Justin had agreed that Jenny might not appreciate having an exuberant six year old for a roommate tonight of all nights.

“Oh no, it's fine... you don't have to do that,” Jenny said weakly, though her eyes betrayed her and Justin couldn't even blame her.

He wouldn't have been able to deal with Molly around either on a day where his father had just broken his heart. Both Brian and he understood all too well how Jenny was feeling and had immediately agreed.

“Don't worry about it. Vicky is actually quite excited to sleep in our room. Knowing her, she's probably talking Brian's ear off with plans for tomorrow instead of listening to his bedtime story,” Justin said with a small smile once he had gotten her favourite pillow and stuffed animal for the night.

“You two are really good dads,” Jenny said quietly as she looked at Justin. “She's so lucky...”

Justin met Jenny's sad gaze with a concerned one of his own. “I am sorry today didn't go the way you wanted it to, Jenny. You would have deserved a lot better than that from your Dad.”

“I know you don't like him,” Jenny said, “you don't have to pretend to be sad about it.”

Justin sighed, before he spoke again. “No, I don't like him. I won't lie... but, I had still hoped that he would prove me wrong, you know? For your sake. After everything that happened with your mom...you would have deserved to have your Dad in your corner.”

“Thanks,” Jenny said hardly above a whisper.

“I know it might not really seem like a big comfort right now, but... no matter what happened today, you still have a family that loves you. There is a whole group of people that's very worried about you right now and they all consider you family. No, they're not your biological parents, but they are your grandparents, your brother, your uncles...They all care about you and love you for who you are. I think you were very brave to go and meet Michael, despite everyone trying to talk you out of it. You went ahead and did it anyway. That's very brave, Jenny!”

“Or very foolish!”

“I don't think it's foolish. It might not have been anything any of us liked, but it was what you wanted. You made a decision, you stood up for it and you managed to make us see your point. You are very smart, Jenny! You are very brave. I see the way you are with Debbie and Carl, with Gus, Luke and Vicky and I know that you are very loving and caring. You are a good person and what happened today sucks, but... maybe in the long run we can help you move on from it.”

“I was stupid to think that he would have changed or would be different around me...,” Jenny said dejectedly, not looking at Justin, but at her feet on her bed.

“Not stupid...optimistic... you believed in the good in him and why wouldn't you? He's your father and he is supposed to care about you and love you. It's not your fault that he doesn't... it's his!”

“He only cares about Brian,” Jenny muttered bitterly. “It was all he was going on about... and you...,” she said as she raised her eyes and met Justin's in an unsure gaze.

“And I am sure whatever he had to say about me wasn't nice,” Justin said matter-of-factly.

“No, it wasn't,” Jenny agreed. “Did they tell you?”

Justin nodded, slowly sitting down on Vicky's bed, looking sadly at Jenny on her own. “Yeah, though they really didn't have to. It's nothing he hasn't said before... it's the same old shit over and over again.”

“Does it bother you?” Jenny asked, looking at Justin intensely.

Justin shrugged. “Not as much as it used to... back when I first met Brian and things were different... I didn't want to come between him and his best friend...that was never my intention, so I kept a lot of the things that would come out of Michael's mouth to myself and would never tell Brian as not to put him in an uncomfortable position with his best friend and yeah, I guess back then it bothered me because I didn't really understand why he would be so hostile... with time though, I understood and really? I knew that Brian loved me and never had any feelings like that for your Dad. And for a time I thought we might even be friends, but really, he was just happy that I had left Brian,” Justin laughed bitterly as he thought back to that time before the Babylon bombing when he had lived with Michael and Ben. “And then everything went to shit anyway and he wasn't part of my life and when I came back to Pittsburgh... he was already in prison, so... he wasn't a part of Brian's life any longer either and I didn't have to worry or even think about him anymore.”

“Until I showed up and wanted to see him,” Jenny muttered.

“Which is more than understandable,” Justin said quietly. “He's your father, of course you'd want to meet him.”

“I wish I hadn't,” Jenny sighed.

“I am sure it feels like that now, but in the long run, I am sure you'll be grateful that you did.”

“I don't think so...”

“You might have always asked yourself if our stories were true, if he was really the way we have described him to you and knowing about our past, you would have always wondered if our opinion of him might be tainted by our own problems with him. At least now, you'll know for sure what he's like... I know it hurts now, but I think in the long run it'll be easier for you to move on because you won't always have to ask yourself 'What if',” Justin replied seriously.

“Did it ever get any easier for you? For Brian? To accept that your parents suck and are total failures?” Jenny asked sadly.

Justin shrugged once more. “I am not sure if easier is the right word, but we learned to make our peace with it, you know? Just like Gus made his peace with the way his mothers abandoned him, just like Emmett made his peace with his family treating him like shit. What it really comes down to is a choice that you have to make: Do you want your parents to have this power to hurt you? Do you want them to have this power over you to make you sad whenever you think about them or do you want to be the stronger one, the better one and focus on the people that are in your life instead? Yes, you can always mourn the people that aren't a part of your life and don't accept you, but... it's a lot of hard work to be angry and hurt all the time and I think with time... most of us in our own ways came to the realisation that we wanted to be happy and focus on the good things instead, the amazing people that are in our life and that we consider a family instead.”

“Gus said something like that as well... earlier,” Jenny said. “He told me what it felt like to him when our mothers disappeared from his life and how he learned to focus on the good things in his life instead of being sad about the things he didn't have any control about. How he learned to focus on the people that were in his life and loved him instead of feeling sad about the people that weren't in his life any longer. I am not sure if I am strong enough to do that,” Jenny admitted weakly.

“I have no doubt that you are,” Justin said seriously, smiling at her in encouragement. “And even if you're not... you have a whole bunch of people out there willing to help you and to be there for you. And they will help you in any way you want, Jenny. They will talk to you, they will make it possible for you to get professional help if that's what you want. I even heard mutterings about a revenge plot that involved some painful deaths,” Justin winked, clearly joking about the last part.

“I don't think Grandpa Carl would approve,” Jenny laughed, having understood the joke for what it was.

“Oh, he's the one who's telling everyone that he knows all there is to know about getting rid of bodies and evidence,” Justin snorted. “You have no idea what he would do for you. He loves you that much.”

Jenny smiled, now feeling slightly amused. “I thought he would keep all the others in check and would be a good influence...”

“Not if someone he loves got hurt. He becomes very protective then. He's like a bear protecting his cubs, a real papa bear,” Justin chuckled, knowing that it was true.

“Well, I hope it doesn't come to that,” Jenny said. “I mean... yeah, I am hurt, but I don't want anyone to get into trouble.”

“I better tell Brian and Ted then that there's no need to hire the hitman they've been looking into all evening,” Justin laughed and was relieved when Jenny laughed as well. “That's a lot better. You deserve to be happy, Jenny, you know?”

Jenny nodded slowly, looking at Justin's eyes. They were both serious now. “I think I will be... The way everyone has had my back and has supported me... I have never had a family before and I've never known what that feels like, but... it's felt really good.”

Justin slowly stood up, picking up the pillow and stuffed animal once more. “And that's the way family is supposed to feel – it's supposed to make you happy and feel good!”

Jenny smiled slightly, then looked at the things in Justin's arms. “Vicky can stay here, you know? There is no need for her to sleep with you guys.”

Justin smiled. “I think Brian needs her to sleep with us tonight just as much as you need some more peace and quiet. No one can calm him down like Vicky can.”

Jenny nodded. “Is he okay? He was pretty angry earlier...”

“He'll be fine... I think for your sake he was hoping that Michael would prove us all wrong and when he saw how hurt you were earlier by Michael's behaviour, that made him really angry. It's probably a good thing he never saw Michael in person or it might have ended badly. Some time with Vicky will be just the right medicine to not make him dwell on Michael for too long. Vicky is good at getting his mind off things they shouldn't focus on for too long. She's really good at that,” Justin said and it was clear that she had the same effect on him that he had just described for Brian.

“Okay, I just don't want to cause any trouble. I mean... I know that you invited me on this trip and that you paid for Grandma Debbie and Grandpa Carl as well and I don't want to seem ungrateful...”

“Don't be ridiculous, Jenny! Vicky will love staying with us and telling us all about her plans for tomorrow, you will enjoy a quiet night without a six year old waking you up at the crack of dawn – it's a win win for everyone. As for being invited on this trip: It's a family trip! Brian and I are in the lucky position that we have more than enough money to pay for this trip and to hope that everyone will enjoy it and will have a nice time with their family. Don't worry about the cost of it. People having a good time will be more than worth it for us,” Justin smiled widely.

“You really are a nice person, Justin... I am sorry my father couldn't see that or was too jealous to see it,” Jenny said seriously.

Justin walked over to her bed and opened his arms to her, so he could hug her. She hugged him back immediately. “It's his loss. Just as it's his loss that he won't get to be a part of your life. We are all glad that you'll be a part of our life though and we're very glad you came and found us.”

“So am I,” Jenny said, her voice now sounding a lot more content than it had at the start of their conversation.

Justin pulled back and smiled his best sunshine smile at her. “You just let us know if you need anything, okay? We're all here to help you!”

Jenny nodded, then watched as he left the room. She sank back on her bed, for now with a happy smile on her face. She couldn't believe that she now had a family. A family that so obviously loved her and cared for her and wanted her to be okay.

She would be fine. Even though her parents might be huge disappointments, her grandparents, her uncles, her brother and his siblings – they all weren't. She loved them and it made her happy to know that they all had her back as well and loved her.

***

“I thought she'd never fall asleep,” Brian chuckled as he looked at Justin who was also looking at Vicky who was lying between them in their bed.

Normally they wouldn't let Vicky sleep in bed with them and usually they had rules about her sleeping in her own bed and only being allowed to come to them in the morning after she had woken up, but today had been an exceptional day and as much as they had wanted to give Jenny some peace and quiet to work through her emotions, they had both felt like they needed their ray of sunshine close.

“The way she was still going on about Sleeping Beauty's castle even though she was half asleep was impressive,” Justin agreed with a smile on his face as he gently ran his hand through his daughter's blond hair.

“Are we sure she'll survive tomorrow?” Brian smiled, looking from her to Justin and back. “All that excitement doesn't seem healthy.”

They had promised Vicky that they would all go and check out the castle together tomorrow and to say that Vicky had been more than excited about that idea would be an understatement. She had been really sad that Brian hadn't joined her and her Papa and Grandma Debbie for the day and was even happier that he had promised to spend all day at the park with her tomorrow.

“She might never go to sleep again, but other than that, she should be fine,” Justin snorted. “She really missed you today,” he said, turning more serious. “I am sure she'll show you all the things she already saw today, just so you'll see them as well.”

Brian nodded, then sighed. “I'd have rather spent the day with you and her than going to LA, Sunshine.”

“I know,” Justin said. “I didn't mean it that way.”

Brian eyed him dubiously for a few seconds, then nodded, as if convinced by the honesty of Justin's words.

“That came out wrong,” Justin said apologetically. “I know that if given the choice, you'd have been with us.”

“Well, I guess you could argue that I had the choice,” Brian whispered, not looking at Justin, but at their sleeping daughter. “I chose to go to LA with Jenny and Gus.”

“Because you knew that they needed you,” Justin replied calmly. “With how the day went, I am glad you went with them.”

“You overestimate my abilities, Sunshine. I didn't do anything,” Brian said sadly and Justin could see the frown on his husband's face.

“You underestimate yourself,” Justin said seriously, now moving the hand that had just been running through his daughter's hair to his husband's face, gently caressing his cheek. “I think it was really good for Gus and Jenny that you were with them. Especially for Jenny. She needed to know that she had us supporting her, no matter what.”

“I just wish it would have ended differently. If only for her sake,” Brian sighed. “You should have seen her... she was so hurt... how could he do that to her?”

Justin looked at Brian from sad eyes. “I don't know... I'll never understand how a parent can treat their child like that.” He looked down to his daughter and his voice became even quieter. “I could never treat her or Luke or Gus like that... It would break my heart.”

“Yeah,” Brian agreed, knowing that it would be the same for him. “I just wish that there was something we could have done to make this easier for her.”

Justin looked up to meet Brian's sad gaze. “She'll be fine... She's strong and when I talked to her earlier, she was already doing a lot better... I think in the long run, this is really the best that could have happened.”

Brian frowned. “Why would you say that?”

Justin took a deep breath before he explained what he had meant by that. “I know that she's hurting now, but she will move on from this. She's strong, she's got a loving family in her corner that will help her... This will hurt for a while, but I think knowing for sure that Michael hasn't changed will at least give her the chance to close that door for good and move on without having to ask herself for the rest of her life 'What if?'. At least she knows for sure now. It hurts, but once she has moved on from that pain, she can move on with her life and focus on the people that are important to her and that want to be in her life. And I won't lie... I am not sad that he won't be a part of her life going forward. The further he is away from us, the better I'll feel.”

Brian nodded slowly, able to see what Justin had been saying. “Yeah, I guess you're right.”

They were both quiet for a while, just watching their daughter sleep as she was lying between them in the big bed, both hanging on to their own thoughts.

“I've been thinking, Sunshine...,” Brian stated after a while, looking at Justin from rather unsure eyes which wasn't much like Brian at all.

Justin could see that whatever Brian had been thinking about seemed rather serious, so he stopped himself from making his usual joke about how that was a dangerous sign. “What about?” he asked instead.

“I want to cheer up Jenny... I am just not sure if my idea is the way to go about it,” Brian admitted, slowly sitting up and resting his back against the headboard of the bed. Justin followed suit shortly after and looked at Brian from curious eyes.

“What were you thinking about?”

Brian told him about the idea that had come to his mind a couple of hours earlier and while he explained to Justin what he was thinking about, he couldn't believe that the idea hadn't come to him sooner. Or to anyone else really. How could they not have thought about this before?

When he was done, he waited for Justin to say something.

“I think that's a great idea,” Justin said enthusiastically, a smile spreading on his face. “I can't believe we didn't think of this before.”

“You mean it?” Brian asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I think that would be great for her. I honestly can't believe no one came up with this before,” Justin shook his head in amazement. “Do you think we can get this organised?”

Brian shrugged. “Only one way to find out, right?”

Justin nodded. “I think this would be really great for her and would make her really happy. I hope we can get this organised.”

They fleshed out Brian's idea some more and turned it into a solid plan before they both settled down to get some sleep as well. They both knew that they would be up very early the next day, having one excited daughter that would definitely make sure of that.