Chapter 10

“Oh, I am sorry. I didn't think anyone would be out here,” Jenny immediately apologised when she realised that someone was sitting in one of the deck-chairs by the pool that was now covered with a plastic cover for winter. As it was already dark outside, she didn't immediately recognise the person sitting by the pool, wearing a winter jacket, looking out at the pool, apparently deep in thought.

“No need to apologise,” a deep voice answered which she immediately recognised as Brian's voice. She saw him turn towards her with a frown on his face. “What are you doing out here in this cold?”

She shrugged, but didn't reply.

“It's okay,” Brian said quietly. “You don't have to explain. It's probably the same I am doing.” He pointed towards the other empty deck-chairs. “Sit down.”

“What are you doing?” Jenny asked, not quite sure she understood what he had been refering to.

“Taking a break, enjoying some solitude for a few minutes. They can be a lot to take in,” he finished, nodding towards the house where they could hear conversation and laughter behind the windows.

“They are your family. I thought you love them,” Jenny pointed out, sitting down in the chair next to Brian's.

“I do,” Brian agreed, turning towards Jenny with a smile on his face. “Doesn't mean though that I don't need a break from them at times.” He raised an eyebrow as he locked gazes with her. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Jenny sighed, pulling her jacket tighter around her body.

“It's just a lot to take in, I know. And they are a lot to take in. No need to explain,” Brian nodded, watching her in concern. “I still feel that way at times, even 15, 20 years later.”

Jenny was silent for several minutes, but somehow felt that she had to explain herself. Even though Brian had said that there was no need to explain, she felt like she had to. She didn't want to seem ungrateful after everyone had welcomed her into the family and had been so nice to her.

“Everyone's been really nice and welcoming... it's just that...,” she started, but then wasn't quite sure how to continue.

“You're not used to family celebrations like this,” Brian offered and nodded in understanding when Jenny nodded to confirm that he had been right.

“No... It's always been just me and my mom and... we never even had a Thanksgiving dinner. Most years she would be busy working on one case or another and I would be left with the task of ordering some takeout for us. That would be as festive as we'd get...”

Brian looked at her, his eyes warm with understanding. “This is really Justin. He loves these big family celebrations, getting everyone together, spending holidays with your loved ones. If it were up to me,” he shrugged.

“You don't like it?” Jenny asked, feeling honestly surprised by that. She hadn't gotten the feeling earlier that Brian hadn't enjoyed dinner. Quite on the contrary, he had seemed to have a good time just like everyone else.

“No, I do. I guess after years of being part of this family, I can see the appeal, but... much like you... in my family, growing up, there wasn't much celebration on Thanksgiving or for other holidays. Until Justin and the kids, I'd make my short appearance at Debbie's dinner and that would be it. I'd then go back home and...,” Brian stopped, not sure if this was something he should be sharing with a 17-year old. He would have gone home, would have gotten drunk and high and would have fucked some nameless tricks. “Well, they were different times.”

“Do you miss them?” Jenny asked, looking at the older man in the chair next to her.

Brian laughed softly, then shook his head. “No, I don't. They can't compare to what I have now with Justin and the kids.”

“So why are you here, outside on your own and not inside with them?” Jenny couldn't help but ask, then looked at Brian apologetically. “Sorry, that's none of my business.”

“It's a fair question,” Brian shrugged. “Why are you here outside on your own?”

If Jenny noticed that Brian had cleverly redirected the conversation to her, she didn't mention it. “I just needed a couple of minutes. It's a lot to take in. I am not used to having so many people care about how I am doing, if I am having a good time...”

“Yeah, same here. Even after all these years, it still gets a bit much at times. I guess all these years of not celebrating holidays at all have fucked me up more than I'd like to admit. Sitting there, with all of them, looking at Gus, Luke and Vicky, seeing how much they enjoy spending holidays with their family... I can't help but think back to when I was a kid and how different it was in my family. I am happy that they are having these celebrations and that Justin and the grandmas insist on them, but yeah... I can't help but think back to other Thanksgivings and what they were like...”

“Jennifer mentioned that you and Justin had your own experience with bad parents,” Jenny said, not sure if it was the right thing to say.

“That would be the understatement of the year,” Brian snorted. “Leave it to Mother Taylor to still be PC when talking about that.” He shook his head in amusement. “My parents were the kind of people that should have never had children. To be fair, my father never wanted to and told my mother to have an abortion, but she refused, being a good Catholic girl and all...My father was an abusive drunk who showed his displeasure with his fists and my mother was a religious nutjob who cared more about Jesus and going to mass than about her drunk husband hitting her children.”

“I am sorry,” Jenny whispered, not having expected that.

“It's not your fault,” Brian shrugged. “And it was a long time ago. But yeah, that didn't leave much time for family celebrations in our house. So every time people talked about their favourite holiday traditions or what they were looking forward to before the holidays... I just talked about some bullshit I'd seen in a movie or a magazine. Telling people that you hoped to make it through the holidays without broken bones didn't really make for a good story.”

“I used to do the same. Well, I mean not the broken bones and stuff, my mom has never hit me, but...we never had any traditions either, so I just talked about something I had seen in a movie instead,” Jenny admitted.

“And now you're here, sucked into our holiday festivities,” Brian chuckled. “It's overwhelming.”

“It is and...,” Jenny sighed, but didn't continue.

“And?” Brian asked, looking at her from concerned eyes. When she stayed silent, he continued with what he guessed she was feeling. “And now you're scared of enjoying it too much in case it will never happen again.”

After the longest time, Jenny just nodded.

“Don't worry about that. You're part of this family now, Jenny. Your grandmother would have all our asses if we didn't make sure to include you in all festivities from now on.”

“But what if my mom doesn't allow me to come here again?”

Brian could hear the worry in Jenny's voice and knew that this was a real concern of hers.

“You'll be 18 soon. Once you are, it won't matter what she wants or doesn't want and until then... we'll figure something out. You're not on your own anymore, Jenny. You have a family now,” Brian said quietly, his gaze meeting hers.

“That's a lot to process,” she admitted.

“I know. That's why I still come out here even after 15 years...”

Before Brian could continue, they were interrupted by Justin's voice. “Hey, what are you two doing out here?”

Brian turned around and saw him standing behind the deck-chairs, rubbing his shoulders to keep warm.

“Talking. Come here, you must be freezing.”

“Because it is freezing,” Justin gave back, but made his way over anyway, settling in front of Brian, leaning into him when he opened his jacket and wrapped it around Justin's shoulders as well. “I expected to find you here,” he said with a look towards his husband, “but I didn't expect to see you out here as well,” he finished as he looked at Jenny. “You okay?”

Jenny nodded, but it was Brian who answered. “We were just talking.”

Justin heard something in Brian's voice that told him that he had it under control and that he would tell Justin later, so he just nodded in response.

“You okay?” He asked next, raising his head, so he could meet Brian's eyes. By now he was well-used to Brian's tendency to disappear for a while during a family celebration. This wasn't the first time and Justin had found his husband outside during several Christmas and Thanksgiving dinners before. He knew why Brian disappeared outside, knew why Brian needed that time to himself and as long as he knew that his husband was okay, he didn't mind giving him that time.

“Hmmmmm, just needed a couple of minutes to myself.”

“Can't you go somewhere warm to be by yourself? Your office, our room?” Justin muttered, leaning further into Brian's embrace, trying to get more body heat from his husband's chest that way.

“The cold air helps me think,” Brian replied seriously.

Justin sighed. “I know... I'd just feel better if I knew you weren't sitting out here in the cold by yourself.”

“I am not by myself,” Brian winked, nodding towards Jenny. “And I have barely been out here for 15 minutes.”

“You know what I mean,” Justin said, running his hand over Brian's thigh. “I worry,” he whispered, so that only Brian could hear him.

Brian pulled him closer, tightening his embrace around his husband. “You don't have to. I am okay. Just needed a couple of minutes.”

Justin nodded, before he pulled away from Brian and looked at him. “Come back inside, please.”

Brian nodded, leaning in for a quick kiss. “I will. Just give us two more minutes, okay?”

“Okay,” Justin agreed, as he got up and moved towards the door. He stopped when he felt Brian reach for his hand and hold it.

“I love you,” Brian said, meeting his gaze head-on and Justin saw nothing but honesty and sincerity in those eyes.

A smile spread on his face as it always did when he heard Brian say those three words to him. “I love you, too.”

He then returned inside to join the rest of their family again.

“We should head back inside. He will have my ass if I am not back in two minutes,” Brian chuckled as he turned back to look at Jenny.

“You two are amazing, you know?”

“Yeah, we are,” Brian agreed.

“You seem so in love and so in sync. I don't think I've ever seen a couple like you two,” Jenny said and Brian could almost hear the awe in her voice.

“There is no other couple like us,” Brian smirked, then slowly got up from his deck-chair. “We weren't always like this. It took hard work from both of us, but especially Justin, to get us here.”

“You really love him,” Jenny said, a smile on her face.

“More than life itself,” Brian admitted, then held out his hand to help her up. “But he deserves nothing less.”

They then headed back into the house, to re-join the Thanksgiving festivities that were still going on. The moment they came back into the dining-room, Jenny noticed how Justin's eyes immediately found Brian's and how their gazes stayed locked until Brian was seated next to his husband again. She watched as Justin happily leaned into Brian's side, smiling to herself as Brian placed a soft kiss on his husband's blond hair.

“Hey, there you are. I was looking for you. Are you okay?”


Jenny turned around and looked at Luke, who was coming over to her. She nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I am.”

And she knew that she was. Yes, this week had been a lot to take in, but she had a feeling that she would do well in this family. Her family.