Chapter 25

“Luke? We're back,” Emmett called into the quiet house as he and Drew arrived home. When he didn't get a reply back, he frowned at his partner. “I think I should check on him.”

Drew nodded and watched as Emmett headed up the stairs towards their guest room where Luke had been staying for the last week.

Emmett knocked on the door. “Luke, honey? It's me. Can I come in?”

He was relieved when he got an affirmative reply a couple of seconds later. He slowly opened the door and made his way into the room, not surprised when he found Luke sitting at his desk, looking at some video or other on his laptop.

“How was dinner?” Luke asked, his voice making it clear that he was only asking to be polite but didn't really care one way or another.

“It was nice,” Emmett said quietly, sitting down on the edge of the bed and looking at the teenager in concern. “We missed you.”

“Yeah, I am sure,” Luke scoffed, turning back towards his laptop once more.

“Everyone missed you, honey.”

“Well, I don't miss them,” Luke gave back, not looking up from the video he was watching.

“We were surprised when Jenny showed up,” Emmett said next. “I thought you two had plans.”

“Plans change,” Luke just muttered, not giving Emmett anything more.

“Honey, I know that you two had a fight,” Emmett said quietly, looking at Luke in concern. “Are you okay?”

“Did she tell you?” Luke turned around and looked at Emmett from angry eyes.

“No, your Dad did,” Emmett replied truthfully.

“My Dad?” Luke frowned, then shook his head slowly. “Of course she would have told him...”

“Honey, your Dad was really worried about you and frankly, so am I.”

“Why? Because Jenny and I had a fight? People fight. It happens...”

“I know that you fought about the whole situation with your fathers and... with everyone at dinner and you here all alone... it's hard not to worry,” Emmett said quietly.

“I am fine,” Luke just replied, then turned back to his laptop.

“I don't think you are,” Emmett said, not ready to let Luke finish their conversation yet. “I know that you miss everyone and to be the only one missing out on dinner with the whole family... that must have hurt you.”

“I am the one that decided not to come,” Luke spat. “Why would I be hurt by my own decision?”

“Because you love everyone who went to that dinner and I am sure you would have liked to be part of the celebrations. I know that you must be happy for Jenny that she can stay here in Pittsburgh with all of us.”

“I don't love them... they are all liars and assholes. I am pretty sure I made it clear how I feel about my dads especially,” Luke replied angrily, before he pressed play on his video once more.

“Luke, I know that you say that, but deep down you love all of them.”

“No, I don't....”

“I think you do, honey. You always have and you haven't stopped just because you're angry with them. Why do you think you're so hurt by finding out the truth? Because you love them. If you didn't love them so much, you wouldn't be so hurt right now,” Emmett said quietly.

“Maybe being hurt made me stop loving them,” Luke argued, not looking at Emmett, but trying to focus on the screen in front of him.

“You haven't stopped loving them just like none of them have stopped loving you.”

“Well, they can take their love and...,” Luke started, but didn't get any further because Emmett interrupted him.

“Luke, what is your plan?” Emmett asked, looking at him intently.

“My plan?” Luke frowned, obviously surprised by Emmett's question.

“Yes, honey. Your plan.”

“I don't know what you mean,” Luke admitted, pausing the video though and turning to look at Emmett in confusion. “What plan?”

“Your plan for this situation,” Emmett clarified. “Are you never going to talk to your fathers again? Are you going to ignore your grandparents and everyone else for the rest of your life? Have you thought about what that would mean for your relationships with Vicky and Gus who both love their family?”

“I...,” Luke started, but then didn't go on.

“You haven't thought that far ahead?” Emmett asked, then nodded. “Well, honey, I have and I have to say that the options you're faced with don't really look all that appealing to me. Just look at tonight. Your whole family was celebrating together and you were here on your own, being angry at all of them. Is that what you want for Christmas? Your birthday? Vicky's birthday? Your graduation? Gus' wedding one day? Your own wedding one day? Do you want to be on the outside on your own while everyone else is together?”

“So what, are you saying I should forgive my dads so I don't end up alone? That's a pretty shitty reason for forgiving someone,” Luke muttered.

“Yes, it is and yet it is one of the few reasons your papa had when he was faced with the same choice so many years ago,” Emmett said quietly.

“What?”

“What do you think your father felt like when he found out the truth? What do you think the situation was like for him, honey?” Emmett said, his voice incredibly sad. “When he came back from New York, when he found out about your existence... he was all alone on the outside, looking in on a happy family, a strong family unit, a loving family. Your dad, Ted and Blake, your grandparents, you and Gus... one happy family and he was the one on the outside on his own, hurting and in pain.”

“And because he forgave all of them, I should just do the same?” Luke asked, his eyes wide.

“No, I am not saying that. I am just saying that you should think about all your options before you make any decisions. I know that at the moment none of the options sound too appealing to you, but... maybe getting some perspective would help a bit to better judge these options.”

“Some perspective?” Luke frowned. “What perspective?”

“Maybe your Papa's perspective to begin with,” Emmett said quietly, looking at Luke intently. “Have you asked him why he forgave your dad? Have you asked him what made him come back and try to build a family with your dad? After all he was the one that was hurt the most by what happened back then.”

“He was hurt the most? What about me? What about me getting hurt?” Luke exclaimed angrily, glaring at Emmett.

“Oh, I am sure you're hurt, but were you really hurt by your Dad's actions back in the day?” Emmett asked carefully.

“Of course! I lost five years with my Papa because of his lies and betrayal.”

“Correct me if I am wrong, but you were only a baby then, Luke. A toddler later. Most of the time your father was in New York, you probably can't even remember and don't have any memories of... and the memories you have from that time he was in New York... are they unhappy memories? Were you an unhappy child? Because that's not what I have been told.”

“And that makes it all okay? I was small, I was taken care of by my Dad... all of that makes it okay?”

“No, it doesn't,” Emmett admitted, “but maybe it gives some perspective, because while you are in pain now and are hurting now because of that lie, your father has been hurting every day since he came back from New York. Honey, ask yourself how much it hurts him to know that he didn't get to see your first steps, that he didn't get to take you to bed at night and most importantly, that he wasn't there when you were born... While you are hurting now, he has been living with that pain for 15 years.”

“And yet he forgave my Dad,” Luke spat.

“Yes, and isn't that amazing?” Emmett wondered loudly. “He must really love you and your Dad to be able to move on from something as horrible as what your Dad did...”

“Yeah, he loves my Dad alright... That had nothing to do with me. He loves my Dad and he loves him enough not to care about me.”

“Oh honey, you couldn't be more wrong,” Emmett said. “I know for a fact that you are the reason he started to forgive your Dad. It wasn't because he loved your Dad. It was because of you and what would be best for you.”

“Best for me?”

“Honey, has your Papa explained to you why he forgave your Dad?” Emmett asked with genuine curiousity. “Have you asked him?”

“He said because he loved him,” Luke said as if to prove his own point.

“Hmmm, I am not surprised he would have said that,” Emmett nodded, then looked at Luke intently. “Let me tell you something, okay?”

When Luke didn't respond, but nodded, Emmett went on.

“I saw your Papa the day he found out the truth about you. And Luke... I have never seen a human being in that much pain. He was so hurt, so broken... He was in so much pain and he was angry. You have no idea how angry he was at your Dad, your grandparents, everyone really... I felt so bad for him and I saw him be angry for weeks while he got to spend more time with you and got to know you. The anger was almost eating him up and he was trying so hard to hide it from you. Do you know why?”

When Luke shook his head, Emmett answered quietly.

“Because he knew how much you loved your Dad. He could see how much you loved him, adored him and how happy you were. How well your Dad had raised you in his absence. He didn't want you to see his anger at your Dad because he didn't want to destroy the relationship you had with your Dad. I guess... if it had been me in his shoes, I wouldn't have cared about your Dad and I doubt that he did at that point, but he cared about you. He loved you so much that he didn't want to take any of your happiness away. He knew that your Dad had raised you well, had taken great care of you and that you loved and adored him. And I am sure that wasn't easy for him to accept, but he didn't only accept it, he encouraged it. Do you know that your Dad wanted your Papa to sign a custody agreement and your Papa said no?”

Luke shook his head and his reply was quiet when he spoke. “No.”

“Yeah, when your Papa came back to Pittsburgh and found out the truth, your Dad offered him shared custody of you. He wanted to allow Justin access to you and wanted to assure him with the custody agreement that he would always have access to you, but your Papa didn't sign it. He said they didn't need it.”

“Why? That seems stupid after years of being lied to and having been betrayed by Dad...”

“Yeah, I thought the same at the time and I told him quite clearly that I thought he was making a mistake, but you know? He didn't think so... He just calmly exclaimed to me that this wasn't about him and his access to you, but that this was about what would be best for you and a custody agreement that would pull you away from your Dad... the only parent you had known for five years, pulling you away from him in favour of spending half your time away from him, away from Gus, away from your grandparents and everyone you loved, so you could spend time with a man you didn't even know in person... he didn't think that was best for you. This was a day after he found out the truth and already then all he cared about was you. Instead he suggested that he would come to Britin, would see you at home, where your room was, your toys were... where you felt comfortable. He wanted to make his appearance in your life as easy for you as it could be. He wanted you to get used to him, to get to know him, but to do so in a surrounding you would feel comfortable with. Honey, he could have taken your Dad to court and could have gotten more than shared custody, but he would have never done so because it wouldn't have been in your best interest to be pulled out of the only home you had known, away from the only family you knew.”

“I remember how he used to pick me up from school and would spend the afternoons at home with me... playing with me... preparing dinner and then he would stay until it was time for me to go to bed,” Luke said quietly, clearly thinking back to that time.

“Yes, he did... He came to your home every day and spent time with you in what was your family home, but...do you know how hard that was for him?” Emmett asked, looking at Luke from sad eyes.

“Hard? Why? I thought he was happy to see me and that it was his choice,” Luke frowned.

“Yes, he was happy to see you, but... coming to Britin... it must have hurt him badly... Britin is the place your Dad bought for him to prove to him that he was serious about marrying him. Your Dad had bought Britin to show your father that he loved him and wanted to marry him. It's where he proposed to your Papa and... now your Papa had to come back to the house that held so many memories for him and had to see that your Dad had turned it into the family home that your Papa had always dreamed of. Only that he was not a part of that family... he was an outsider... because of your Dad's betrayal,” Emmett explained quietly. “Honey, I know you think your Papa just forgave your Dad, but... that's not true. There was a lot of anger, a lot of pain and that time... I have never seen a person in as much pain as your Papa was. The only thing that kept him going was you. You gave him the strength to come to that house every day, forgetting about the dreams and hopes he had had for that house, facing your Dad day in and out, facing the one person that had hurt him more than anyone else ever could, having to see how much you and Gus loved and adored that person when he was so anrgy with him... having to put on a happy face for your and Gus' sake when all he wanted to do was rip your Dad apart because he was so angry and hurt by his betrayal... But he never showed you any of that because he knew how much you loved your Dad and your family and he wanted you to always have that. He wanted you to always be happy and keep that happiness. It was all that mattered to him, even more so than his own happiness. As long as you were happy, he had the strength to keep going...”

“If that is true... why did he forgive my Dad? That doesn't sound like he loved him,” Luke argued and Emmett could only nod.

“Oh, at the time your Papa was hurt, angry and felt very betrayed. I don't think that he really ever stopped loving your Dad, but at that time... it was definitely buried under all that shit going on. As for why he forgave him... I think I am also to blame for that.”

“You?” Luke frowned as he looked at Emmett.

“Yes, honey. I remember talking to your Papa and he was telling me about how happy he was when he got to spend time with you, but how hard it was to be around your Dad. How angry he was, how much it hurt to see your Dad day in and out and how angry he was at everyone in the family and... I remember telling him that he and your Dad needed to do better than that for your and Gus' sake. That they needed to find a way to be around each other and be in each other's presence without it having a negative impact on you and Gus. I told him that he needed to find a way to forgive your dad for your sake and Gus' sake. Honey, have you ever thought what life would have been like if your fathers hadn't worked through this?”

Luke shook his head. “Not really, but... Jenny kind of said something like that... How my childhood would have been a very different one and how...how Vicky wouldn't exist.”

Emmett nodded sadly. “Yeah, she probably wouldn't and what a loss that would be for all of us,” Emmett said, thinking of his exuberant goddaughter. “But yeah, even just looking at your first couple of years with your Papa... If your Papa hadn't somehow been able to forgive your Dad, hadn't been able to forgive your grandparents... there would have been no Thanksgiving dinners at your house... there would have been no Christmas mornings under the tree at Britin... Either your Papa wouldn't have been there when you and the rest of the family celebrated these holidays or you would have been with your Papa, but it would have just been the two of you because he would have been angry with everyone else in the family... I don't know if it would have happened, but maybe your fathers would have started fighting about who got to spend what holiday with you and... maybe you would have noticed those fights... would have become aware of the tension between your Papa and everyone else you loved... It would have been very different from the childhood you had, I am sure. And your father didn't want that for you. He wanted you to be happy and have a happy childhood with all the people that you loved. And that's why he started to forgive them... slowly but surely he accepted that these people were a part of your life, that you loved them and that he needed to find a way to deal with them for your benefit. And he did... it didn't happen over night, it was a very slow process, but slowly but surely he started speaking to your Dad. They started talking about what had happened and why it had happened. He started to talk to your grandparents again and slowly started to build relationships with them. It still took a long time for him and your Dad to get back together and to get to a point where they could even admit to each other that they still loved each other. And after that it took even longer for them to figure out how to make a relationship work and how to move on from what had happened and yes, I am sure a lot of that had to do with your Papa loving your Dad, but... the very beginning, those very first steps of forgiveness and starting to mend things? Your Papa did that because of you... because he wanted what was best for you and because he wanted you to be happy...”

Luke nodded, clearly still trying to process everything that Emmett had said. After a couple of minutes he looked at Emmett and met his gaze. “Why did you forgive my Dad?”

“Me?” Emmett frowned at Luke.

“I know that you weren't part of what was going on. Papa said you had nothing to do with it and didn't know about me either... and I don't remember you being around before Papa came back from New York. He introduced you to me...So... something happened between you and my Dad as well, right?”

Emmett sighed, but then nodded. “Yes, something happened... but honey... it's been so long ago...”

“What happened?” Luke asked, clearly not ready to let Emmett get away with his non-answer.

“When your Dad broke off all contact with your Papa... I got very angry with him. Your Papa... he had always meant a lot to me. He was so young, but... so strong... I have always been impressed by his strength and the way he handled whatever life threw his way and quite frankly... I thought for a long time that he could do a lot better than your Dad.”

“Because they had an open relationship and Dad slept with other men?” Luke asked, looking at Emmett for confirmation.

Emmett nodded. “Yes. That was one of the reasons... Your Dad, he was a different man back then. You can't compare him to the man he's now. He was a lot colder, more distant, sometimes he was outright mean to the people around him and... it was obvious that your Papa really loved him and loved him enough to want a serious committment. Something your Dad would have never given him... So... yeah, I thought your Papa could do a lot better, could find someone who would love him the way he deserved. And then... the bomb went off at Babylon and your fathers got engaged. And for the first time, I could see what your Papa had told me many, many times before: That your Dad really loved him and was a very loving person inside. Your Papa had always told me that your Dad was different with him and that he knew he was loved by your Dad even though he never said the words... he always said that he knew that your Dad had the potential to be a great family man, but frankly, I couldn't see it... until they got engaged. Your Dad was different then. When I planned the wedding for them... your fathers seemed so in love, so in sync. And not just your Papa, but your Dad as well. For the first time I had no doubt that he loved your Papa. And then... when they cancelled the wedding and your Papa left for New York, I was as shocked as everyone else, only... that your Papa had assured me that it was okay. That this was what both of them wanted and had agreed and for the first few months they seemed fine indeed. Your Dad went to New York, your Papa came to Pittsburgh and they seemed as in love as they had been when the wedding had been on. So... when that changed from one day to the other and when your Dad just stopped talking to your Papa... your Papa was hurt. And I got very angry on his behalf. I confronted your Dad, called him out on his shitty behaviour towards your Papa and... in my anger... accused him of all the things he had ever done wrong towards your father in my opinion. I told him I didn't want to be friends with someone who could be so cruel to a friend of mine and... then I stormed out of his office and practically never spoke to him again for the next five years.”

“But you were friends with Ted, weren't you? And... you were part of the family as well...,” Luke seemed clearly confused by what Emmett had just said.

“Honey, there were a lot of things going on at the time. I had just started my business and was busy with that... Drewsie and I were just trying to figure out our relationship and what we wanted... Yes, I was friends with Ted and part of the family, but I pulled back more and more and after a while Ted was really the only one I was still in contact with.”

“And he lied to you?” Luke asked.

“Well, he didn't tell me the truth, that's for sure,” Emmett muttered. “And believe me, when I found out what had been going on and that he had been a part of it all... we didn't speak for a long time... just like I didn't speak to your Dad for a long time after your Papa came back... I was too angry with him for what he had done to your father.”

“But now you're friends,” Luke pointed out and Emmett nodded.

“Yes, we are. Your Dad is a very dear friend and honey, I know it's hard to understand, but the man that is my friend now... he's not the same man that was my friend so many years ago. Your Dad has changed a lot over the years, not the least because he had you. The Brian Kinney I knew and had ended being friends with... he was no father. At least not a full-time father. He was no committed partner who would prefer staying home with his kids to going out to the clubs and fucking some hot young guy,” Emmett stopped then, his hand flying to his mouth. “Sorry, I shouldn't have said that.”

“Don't worry, my dads told me what he was like...,” Luke said.

“Honey, your Dad was a completely different man and when your Papa came back and I was told the truth, I felt everything I had ever thought about him to be confirmed. And then...over time... your Papa started telling me what a great, dedicated father he was... how much he had changed... how different he was... and honestly? I couldn't believe it. I wouldn't have trusted him any further than I could have thrown him, but... your Papa did. He saw how much your father had changed and saw the new man he was and over time... when they moved in together... when they got back together... I started coming around to Britin more and saw more of your Dad myself and I saw the changes your Papa had talked about. I saw the Brian Kinney he had fallen in love with and the man he had been able to forgive. I saw the loving father that would have done anything for his children, I saw the loving partner that would move the moon and the stars for your Papa... I saw what your Papa saw and yes, that Brian Kinney... he became my friend and I wouldn't miss his friendship for anything in the world.”

Luke nodded slowly, still frowning when he spoke. “How can a person change so much? I mean... he's always been the same person, hasn't he?”

“Well, if your Papa is to be believed, your Dad has always been like this with him, but hasn't trusted himself or hasn't allowed himself to really become that person for fear of getting rejected and hurt... Apparently his parents did quite a number on him...”

Luke nodded, knowing about that part from his Papa who had told him. “Yeah, Papa told me...”

“And after he had you... after Gus came to live with him as well... It was just the three of you and I think in the security of those relationships with you and Gus, he allowed himself to be that person... that person who loved and wanted to be loved in return. I know your Papa told me once that your Dad also went to therapy to work through a lot of the issues his childhood caused for him, but... I think what really changed him and opened up his heart and soul were you and Gus. You two brought out the real Brian Kinney and allowed him to become the man your Papa always knew he could be. A man your Papa could forgive and love again, a man I could be friends with again...”

Luke nodded once more, taking in what Emmett had said. “Thanks for telling me all that.”

“Honey, you know you only have to ask... I know your Dads don't want there to be any secrets and want you to know the truth, so... if you have any questions... honey, just ask. You can ask me... and I know you can ask them.”

“Yeah,” Luke said quietly, then met Emmett's gaze once more. “Do you think... it would be okay for me to be on my own for a while? I... you've given me a lot to think about...”

“Of course, honey. But... if you need to talk... you know I am here, okay? You're not alone.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Luke said, before he watched Emmett get up from his bed. As Emmett walked towards the door of the guest room, Luke called out to him once more.

“Emmett?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think I am ungrateful?”

“Ungrateful?” Emmett frowned, not sure he understood. “Why would you say that?”

“It's just... something Jenny said earlier... That I didn't know how grateful I should be because I had two parents that loved me when... she... Gus... my fathers... when everyone had been rejected by their parents in one way or another... I don't know... am I ungrateful?”

“I don't know about you being ungrateful or not... it's hard to judge you for something you have never experienced yourself, but... I guess to some degree, I think I get what she's saying. You're very lucky that you have such loving parents who will support you and will always be in your corner, no matter what. I am not sure if you should be grateful for it or if it makes you ungrateful when you don't appreciate it... I just think it makes you a very lucky boy. But you have your own pain to deal with, so... I am not sure if that's really much better. Everyone has problems, Luke. They're not all the same and we can't compare them, but what I have learned in life so far is that on some level most people are dealing with pain of one kind or another. The fact that you have been spared pain for such a long time... I think it puts you in a lucky position, but that doesn't make the pain you're feeling now any less real or any less painful, so... I don't know about being ungrateful. I don't think so.”

Luke smiled slightly as he nodded at Emmett. “Thanks, Em. I really appreciate what you told me.”

“Always, honey.” With that Emmett turned around once more and left Luke on his own with his thoughts.