Justin plopped down in one of the chairs in the lobby of the hospital. There were few people in the area and it was eerily quiet. It was dark outside. His stomach rumbled. The clock on the wall read 9:15. He remembered that his last meal had been breakfast in New York. Mentally he did the math and realized that had been over 12 hours ago.

It was Monday, a work day. Better chance for people to be home rather than at the bars.

He flagged down a taxi and gave the man an address. He closed his eyes, laying his head against the back of the seat.

"Sir, we're here," the driver said.

"Sir, we've arrived," he said a little louder.

"Oh, sorry. How much?"

"Ten dollars."

Justin handed the man $12.00 and took his bag into the apartment building. He pressed the buzzer, hoping it would be answered.

"Yes,"

"Daph, its Justin. Can I come up?"

‘Justin? What are you doing here? Everything okay?"

"Just buzz me in and I'll explain."

"Oh. Okay," she said as she buzzed him in.

Justin walked up the one flight of stairs, barely able to pick his legs up to climb the next step. He knocked on Daphne's door, and she flung it open.

"You look like shit. What happened to you?"

Justin walked in, put down his bag and collapsed on Daphne's couch. "Got any food? I haven't eaten all day."

She put her hand on his forehead. "You're not running a fever. I'll make you a tuna sandwich. That okay?"

"Sure." Justin laid his head back and closed his eyes.

When Daphne returned, tear tracks ran down his face.

"Here," she said as she handed him the sandwich. "Eat, and then tell me what's wrong."

Justin took a few bites of the sandwich as his stomach grumbled. He finished the sandwich then put the plate down.

"Talk," Daphne demanded. She curled up in the chair opposite Justin, offering him a cigarette.

He shook his head no. "I got a call this morning from Allegheny General. Brian was brought in to the hospital. He's in a coma," Justin said very softly.

"Oh my G-d. But, I thought you two..."

"I'm still listed as his emergency contact. I still care about him, Daph. Even if we're not together."

She got up from her chair and got two beers from the refrigerator. Handing one to Justin, she drank some of her beer, waiting for him to continue.

"No one else knows. I haven't told anyone."

"Justinnn,"

"I don't know what to do, Daph. He made it really clear this summer that we were finished. I should go to New York and never come back. I haven't talked to him in almost eight months. I get this call and now I have to make medical decisions for him that may determine if he lives or dies." New tears rolled down Justin's cheeks, and he wiped them with his shirt sleeve.

"You aren't doing anything right now. You're dead on your feet. You can sleep in my bed and I'll take the couch. We'll talk in the morning." Daphne stood up and got sheets for the couch. "Here," she said as she handed him a sheet. "Help me make the couch. I just changed my sheets this morning."

They made the couch and Justin went to the bedroom to sleep. He undressed quickly, getting under the blankets. Closing his eyes, he saw Brian lying in the hospital bed hooked up to the machines, but soon his exhaustion took over, and he slept until morning.
___________________________________________________________________


The sun's rays hit his face through the sheer curtains. Looking around, it took a few moments for him to orient himself and realize where he was. He sat up straight in bed.

"Shit. What time is it? I've got to get back. What if he wakes up?" He said to himself under his breath.

Daphne heard movement in the bedroom and popped her head in the doorway. "I made you pancakes. Go shower and I'll drive you to the hospital."

"I don't have time. I have to get back," Justin said as he pulled fresh clothes out of his bag.

"The hospital has your number. They'll call if anything changes." Grabbing a towel from the linen closet, she handed it to him. "You need your strength if you're going to spend all day sitting with Brian. It's tiring. I remember. Now shoo."

Justin took a quick shower and ate some breakfast. Daphne drove him to the hospital.

Daphne drove to the circle drive where patients were discharged. "Want me to come in with you?" She asked as she glanced at her watch.

"No. They only let me sit with him fifteen minutes every hour. If he wakes up, then it might be different. You would just be sitting in the waiting room most of the day. I'll call you if anything changes."

"You sure?" she asked as he opened the door.

"Yeah. I'm sure."

"I'll be back at 7:00 to pick you up."

"Visiting hours is over at 9:00."

"If you want to stay until 9:00, then I'll sit with you. You're not spending all day by yourself with the asshole."

"Daph, don't say it. I'm as much to blame as he is."

"Whatever. I got to get to work. Later, Justin."

Justin walked to the small garden off the main entry way. It was cold, but there wasn't anyone there. He scrolled down his phone until he came to the familiar number, and hit the button to connect.

"Ms. Marcus, please."

"Mr. Taylor," he said as the secretary asked who he was.

"Justin. How are you? We haven't heard from you since this summer. Everything okay?"

"Hi, Mel. Did Brian ever change his Medical Proxy?"

"No. I guess he hadn't gotten around to it. Probably too busy screwing every hot guy in town. Why?"

"Not now, Mel. You know he never leaves anything to chance. If he'd wanted to change it, he would have."

"True. Justin, why are you asking out of the blue?"

"I just needed to know."

"Justin Taylor, you tell me right now what is going on," Melanie demanded in her best motherly voice.

"Mel, promise you won't say anything?" Justin urged.

"Okay."

"I'm in Pittsburgh. Allegheny General. Brian's in a coma."

There was silence on both ends of the phone for a few moments.

"Shit. What happened?"

"We'll talk later," Justin answered evasively. "Thanks for the information. The doctor wanted to know who had Medical Proxy for Brian. I guess I'm the lucky one," Justin said as he swallowed the tears that were threatening to fall again.

"I can come down," Melanie volunteered.

"No. You have a job and clients. I'll be fine. Thanks, Mel."

"Justinnn," She sighed. "Be careful."

"Bye, Mel."

"Goodbye." Justin put his phone away.

Brian never let his personal or professional matters slide, yet he hadn't changed his Medical Proxy. That must mean something... maybe it meant that his harsh words this summer weren't true. Maybe it was another attempt to push him off the proverbial cliff. Maybe there was hope for them to be together. He would always love Brian, and now maybe they had a second chance. Really this was a third or fourth or fifth chance... he'd stopped counting. Something kept bringing them together, and this time he wanted them to stay that way. He would do everything in his power to ensure Brian recovered. He wanted another chance. He stood outside until he realized that the snow was covering his shoes and his feet were cold. He stepped inside the building; his feet tingling from the sudden warmth. He had one more phone call to make before going to see Brian.

Scrolling through his cell phone, he found the number for the main switchboard at Kinnetik. He usually called Brian directly, but there were a few times that he'd gone through the main office. He hit the button and waited for the call to connect.

"Cynthia please," he asked.

"May I ask who is calling?"

There was a time when he wouldn't be asked that question, as everyone at Kinnetik knew him, but times change. "Justin Taylor"

"I'll see if she's available."

"Thank you," he said, as his country club manners kicked in allowing him to be calm in this situation.

‘Justin. Good to hear from you. Brian isn't here. To what do I owe your call?"

"Hi Cynthia. Umm... I,"

"What is it, Justin?"

"Brian won't be in to work for a while. He's in a coma at Allegheny General."

"Oh my G-d. How come Ted didn't say anything?"

"He doesn't know. Nobody knows. Yet. I haven't told them," Justin explained as he tried to keep the tears away.

"What happened? Was he in an accident?" Cynthia gripped the phone as she listened.

"You'll have to ask him when he wakes up. I really don't want to say," Justin answered evasively.

"Okay. I'll hold the fort. Let me know if there's anything I can do."

"I will. Look, I have to go now. I haven't seen him yet this morning."

"Justin. Please keep me posted. He's more than just my boss," Cynthia reminded him.

"I know. I will."

He closed his phone. He knew he would have to call the family, probably today, but right now he just wanted to see Brian. Maybe if he was lucky, Brian would be conscious, and he could return to New York. The nurses would have called if he'd woken up, so he pushed that thought away. Going back to New York without trying to get their relationship back on track wasn't really an option either. Justin knew he would be in Pittsburgh for awhile. He wanted to help Brian. Brian's latest pain management technique was an abysmal failure, and he really didn't want Brian to succeed at his next attempt.

Justin went up to ICU and stopped at the nurse's station.

"Excuse me. I'm Justin Taylor. Can you tell me how Mr. Kinney is?"

The nurse found his chart, saw that Mr. Taylor was listed as emergency contact, and then flipped to the last information entered. "He's stable and there has been no change. The doctor hasn't seen him this morning, but he should be making rounds within the hour. Visiting hours just started. You can see him for fifteen minutes, but then you need to let him rest."

"Thank you." Justin walked into Brian's room, quickly adjusting once again to seeing all the machinery attached to Brian.

Justin walked over to the bed, reaching for Brian's hand, holding it gently as he stroked it. "Okay, asshole. I'm back. You really need to wake up. I had to call Mel and verify that I am your Medical Proxy. Of course that meant that I had to tell her why I needed to know. You know that means that within a very short time, she will tell Lindsay and the circus will start. I can't wait to see the bucket of tears she will cry for you."

"Oh, and I called Cynthia. You know I had to tell her." He leaned over to kiss Brian's forehead, and then sat next to Brian's bed. "She can't exactly make excuses for your sorry ass forever without at least knowing what happened. I told her that Ted didn't know, and I at least trust her not to tell him. However, seeing how Mel and Ted are best friends. How a dyke and a ... not sure what to call Ted... became friends, I'll never know. Anyway, where was I? I'm sure Mel will tell Ted, based on some feeling that he will want to know because he is your friend. There really isn't any client/attorney confidentiality issue here, so she will feel justified. Ted of course will tell Mikey and Emmett. Well of course, you know the drill. One good thing, it saves me a lot of phone calls. I wonder how long it will take for the Gay Pittsburgh grapevine to work?"

He brought up his right hand again and this time touched his second finger with this index finger, making another salient point that Brian may or may not have heard. "By the way, I decided to stay with Daphne. She at least won't judge me too harshly. She said something about coming up here to sit with me around 7:00 tonight. That gives me about 6+ hours with the vultures... I mean family. Vultures is probably more accurate, as they may tear me apart when they find out I didn't call them right away."

"Mr. Taylor, you'll have to leave now. Your 15 minutes are up, but you can come back in an hour. The lounge is down the hall," the nurse said as she stepped in the room to begin Brian's medical work up.

As the nurse started to put her stethoscope in her ears, Justin stood up and pushed his chair away from the bed, leaned over and touched his forehead to Brian's. "Okay. Brian, when the family shows up, I'm sure they will insist on seeing you. I may not be able to come back for awhile. I will be here though, and I promise I'll stay until you've recovered. Later."

The doctor came in just as Justin was leaving. Justin waited in the family area so that the doctor could easily find him after he was finished with Brian's examination.

"Mr. Taylor," Dr. Houston said as he directed Justin to a seat by the window. "Mr. Kinney's kidney function is not improving. You need to decide if we should start him on dialysis."

"Will it be permanent?"

"Hopefully not. By putting him on dialysis, it will allow his kidneys to repair themselves. We can only hope that the damage wasn't permanent. We'll know after a few days."

"What is involved with dialysis?" Justin asked as he tried to pay attention to the doctor's words.

"We would place a temporary shunt in his neck that would be hooked up to the machine," the doctor said as he pointed to an area of his neck.

Justin cringed at the description. Brian's neck was so sensitive, and he loved to suck the skin there. It was an erogenous zone for both of them. He quickly brought his mind back to the doctor's conversation. "Would he be in pain?" Justin asked.

"While he's in a coma, he may feel pain, but we don't know. When he wakes up, the tubing could be uncomfortable."

"Are you saying that the dialysis would help him regain consciousness?" Justin asked, hearing the first hopeful information to date.

"An EEG was performed this morning and it showed no signs of Brain damage, and that his brain waves looked as normal as could be expected at this point in time. It could make a difference, but we can't know for certain. We're hoping that the dialysis will help his body heal faster. Once the toxins leave his bloodstream, he should wake up." The doctor's pager went off and he looked at the screen.

"Excuse me. I'll be right back, but I need to respond to this page."

Justin watched the doctor return to the nurse's station and use the phone. He thought about the situation. Brian would not want to live with a bunch of machines hooked up to him, but if a temporary solution, i.e. dialysis would allow him to regain consciousness and start to heal, he could see Brian allowing that.

Anger washed over him and he inwardly cursed Brian. If you would only learn to accept your feelings and not hide them behind drugs and alcohol, none of this would have happened. When you wake up, we are going to talk, and you are going to listen! You can't kick me out this time. He envisioned some of those conversations with Brian, and they were just as scary as the doctor's medical jargon.

The doctor returned. "I apologize for the interruption."

"You were telling me how dialysis would get rid of the toxins in Brian's body."

"Yes, dialysis would filter the toxins out of his body quicker, and he might regain consciousness quicker."

"That would be great," Justin smiled, not a big one, but the first one since he'd arrived.

"Is there any risk?"

"Mr. Taylor, there is always risk, but I think that this is his best chance for recovery," the doctor said as he looked at his watch.

"What would happen if he doesn't have dialysis?"

"His body will slowly try to rid itself of the toxins. His kidneys are already struggling, and the effort may result in permanent damage. He might have to have a transplant."

"Is there a risk for dialysis?" Justin asked.

"Yes. If he goes on dialysis, there is always the chance that his body will rely on it too much and he will never be able to go off. Also there is always a risk of bleeding, bruising, blood clots, and infection at the site of the shunt."

"What would you suggest?" Justin hoped that the doctor would give him opinion.

"I can't make that decision. You are his Medical Proxy. He wants you to decide," the doctor started to stand up again. "If you decide to start dialysis, I have the consent forms here," he said as he showed them to Justin.

"When do you need a decision?"

"As soon as possible. If we are to start dialysis, we need to do it soon. His body has already been fighting for three days."

"Okay. Do it. I know Brian doesn't want to be hooked up to a bunch of machines for the rest of his life, but if dialysis can help him rid his body of toxins, then do it. I'll deal with the consequences later." Justin agreed, as he held out his hand for the clipboard holding the consent forms.

"I'll let the nurse know and she will make the arrangements."

Justin walked over to the window, looking at the people on the street. Everyone appeared to have a destination; they were going somewhere. He was stuck here in this hospital, waiting for Brian to wake up.

He picked up a well worn copy of People and flipped through it trying to find an interesting article. Finding nothing of interest, he put the magazine down and walked down the corridor to the bathroom. He took a sip of water from the water fountain, and then went inside the bathroom. Turning on the faucets, he splashed cold water on his face. Looking in the mirror for the first time, he saw how tired he looked and how pale his face was. Justin remembered there was a coffee machine at the other end of the corridor, so he left to find some coffee. He poured the coffee into a small Styrofoam cup and put one sugar in it with a little cream. Smiling, he remembered how he always teased Brian that he had a little coffee with his sugar. He supposed that drinking coffee was a social thing, and Brian probably really didn't like the taste but had learned to mask it with lots of sugar. If drinking Beam was a social thing, then Brian would have been the first to drink it at every function. Returning to the waiting room, Justin looked at the clock, and for the first time in his life he truly understood the saying ‘a watched pot never boils.' It had only been forty five minutes since he left Brian's room, and the nurses told him it would be several hours until Brian had the shunt placed in his neck. Sitting in silence, he spent the remaining time remembering Brian and his tumultuous relationship. When the nurse told him Brian had returned from the procedure, and he was elated to see him, if for no other reason than to shut down his racing thoughts.

Brian had a shunt in his neck for the dialysis. It had two tubes coming out of it; one had clear fluid in it and the other had blood. He hoped that it didn't hurt. A new machine was in the room, and he guessed that this was the portable dialysis machine. The machine made a lot of noise, and he was sure that if Brian were awake he would be greatly annoyed by the constant racket.

"Well. I'm still here and you have another machine hooked up to your body." He watched the blood flow out of Brian's body, into the machine, and back out, and marveled at modern science. "You're beginning to look like a science experiment. The dialysis machine will hopefully clean your blood faster than your kidneys were doing it. I know that you wouldn't want to be hooked up to a machine for the rest of your life, but I think you'd be okay with it for just a little while. I'm sorry if I'm wrong. I know sorry is bullshit, but you know what, so is this. Its bullshit that you took so many drugs and allowed yourself to end up like this. I don't know if you did this on purpose or it was an accident. It really doesn't matter. It happened and now we... and I mean we, have to deal with the consequences."

Justin stood up and walked around the room. It was tiny and there was no window. He guessed that people in ICU were too sick to wonder about the weather outside, or to get up and stand by the window. He'd not thought about hospitals a lot and really hated this one; it held too many painful memories.

"I talked to Mel, and she said that you were probably too busy screwing to change your Medical Proxy. Now, you and I both know that nothing you do is by accident. So, Mr. Kinney, when you wake up from your little self-imposed nap, and you will wake up, you hear me? When you wake up, we will have a little talk about your ‘accident'." Justin heard his voice rising as he talked, and he hoped he wasn't heard by the nurses. The last thing he needed was to be kicked out of the ICU.

"So far the family hasn't shown up. I keep waiting to hear any one of them walk into the waiting room, yelling and screaming. They do tend to forget that hospitals are where the sick people are. I remember when Ben was in the hospital last year. Sometimes his room resembled a party, except he wasn't having any fun. There were so many people in that room and it was so loud, I'm sure he needed to go home just to get some rest. I'll try to control the family and keep them quiet, but you know how they are.'

His stomach growled and he looked at his watch, surprised to see it was after 2:00. Brian always teased him about his need for food on a regular basis. He'd give anything for that teasing voice right now.

"I'm hungry so I'll going down to the cafeteria to get something to eat. Hopefully you won't get any visitors until I come back. I hope you remember some of what I say; I really don't want to have to repeat it. The nurses all tell me that talking helps the patient and even if we think that they don't hear us, they really do. If nothing else my talking might make you wake up just so you can tell me to be quiet."


^^^^^^^^^
Brian looked at Vic standing by his bed. His eyes darted around the room, noting the strange machines and the loud noises. "Where the hell am I? And what is that awful noise? My leg burns and my neck feels like something is poking it. And where the hell did you come from?"

"Hi Brian. It's another fine mess you got yourself into," Vic said as picked up the covers to look at Brian.

"What are you looking at, you old perv? You always wanted to look at my naked body." Brian swatted Vic's hand away.

"Wait a minute. You're dead, so why are you here? Am I dead?"

"What do you think?" Vic asked as he studied the machines in the room.

"No, if I were dead I wouldn't be here talking to you. I'd be surrounded by fire and brimstone and the devil would be talking to me. That's what Joan tells me."

"So you believe Joan?" Vic said as he made a waving motion with his hand.

"No. I don't think my lifestyle will cause eternal damnation, but you're dead and I'm talking to you, so..."

"No, not dead yet. But..."

"But what?"

"Listen to Justin. He's telling you all about what happened."

"What the fuck is Justin doing here? He's supposed to be in New York."

Vic left and Brian heard the last of Justin's conversation, "...might make you wake up so you can tell me to be quiet."

^^^^^^^^^^
Justin walked back to Brian's bed. He studied each machine in the room, trying to figure out what they were doing for Brian. In the end, he really didn't care. He just wanted Brian to wake up.

"I love you Brian. Please wake up soon." Justin leaned over and kissed Brian on the lips very softly. He leaned his forehead on top of Brian's and touched the two together. "Later." He walked out just as the nurse walked in to check on Brian's vitals again.

He stopped at the nurse's station. "Excuse me. I'm Brian Kinney's friend. I'm going to get something to eat. Can you please call me on my cell if there is any change?"

"Of course. The dialysis treatment will take at least six hours. We may not see a change until he completes several treatments, but I'll call you if there is any change."

Justin walked down to the cafeteria. It was in the basement, and he took the stairs to get his body moving. He could paint for hours and not be affected, but sitting around was hard work. He began to understand what his family had gone through when he was in a coma. Justin hoped that he wouldn't have to wait long for Brian to wake up. Brian had been in a coma for three days, not nearly as long as he had been in his coma after Hobbs hit him. Of course, he had been hit in the head, and Brian had overdosed. He supposed the reason for the coma didn't really matter, as the medical implications were the same.

Going through the line, he picked out a cheeseburger, fries, a milk shake and a piece of pecan pie. At least the hospital had reasonable choices. He paid for his purchases, and sat at a table for two by the stairs. Biting into the cheeseburger, he found it was pretty good, and he quickly finished it and the fries. He drank the shake and ate all of his pie as well. Looking at his watch he saw that he managed to take almost half an hour to eat. That meant he could see Brian again in fifteen minutes. He put his tray on the conveyer line and went into the bathroom.

After using the bathroom, he felt for his cigarettes and realized that he must have left them at Daphne's. He vaguely remembered her offering him one last night. He walked up to the gift shop, hoping to buy some.

"We don't sell cigarettes, Sir," the young man behind the counter informed him. "You can buy them at the gas station two blocks down the street. Besides, our campus is smoke free, and you can't smoke anywhere on hospital grounds."

"Thank you."

"Is there anything else I can help you with? Perhaps a book or a gift for the person you are visiting?"

"No thanks. I'll pass."

Justin walked out of the gift shop. It was almost time for another short visit, and he hurried to Brian's room.

Justin walked into the room, taking a minute to adjust to the still form on the bed. He leaned over and kissed Brian on the cheek and stood up, watching as he breathed. "Hi Brian. Hmm, Maybe I need to come up with a new intro. I just got back from lunch. I didn't think I was hungry. Imagine, me not being hungry, but I guess there is a first for everything. Anyway, the food here isn't bad. No one from the family has shown up yet. Maybe I'm wrong and the grape vine isn't working. I guess if I don't hear from anyone by the end of the day, I will have to make those dreaded phone calls."

"So, I'm no doctor, but your color looks better. The nurses said it would take about six hours for the treatment, and that you wouldn't probably respond until you finished at least two treatments. Of course, they don't know Brian fucking Kinney like I do."

Justin's body itched to do something besides sit for 45 minutes, and then talk to Brian for 15 minutes each hour. He couldn't imagine drawing Brian in his current condition, but maybe he could draw other things. It might help him cope. He pulled the chair closer to Brian and lifted Brian's hand, placing it in his own. He squeezed it, hoping for a response but didn't receive one. He absently rubbed Brian's arm while he talked.

"I went to buy some cigarettes, and can you believe that they don't sell them in the gift shop. I have to go all the way to the gas station two blocks away. And even if I had cigarettes, I couldn't smoke them. It's a smoke-free campus. I know you would say some clever thing about all the bureaucrats, but they may have a point. Cigarette smoke does cause cancer. You've already had cancer so maybe you're exempt, but I don't think so. Maybe after you wake up, you'll lose your desire for them. They say that it takes at least a week for the cravings to die down. You'll be in here for longer than that, so maybe you could break the habit while you're in here."

To Justin's shock, the machines started beeping loudly and the nurses ran in.