Title: Metamorphosis… 
Story Type: AU 
Word Count: 2443
Rating: R, Porn…
Warnings: Passion and Lust…
Beta Queen: Bigj52
Banner: Yvonnereid


Summary: It’s all gone in just moments; your life changes and there’s no going back. You’re no longer the person you thought you were; and you have no idea who you’ll become. 

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable charters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended… 


Metamorphosis… 
It took losing you to finally let myself love you…

Part One ~ Three Little Words 

Chapter One ~ Pulp Fiction… 

In a land far, far away…

Brian’s pulled from his thoughts as he’s asked a few more questions, then Cynthia escorts the invading paparazzi from his presence. He hates answering questions about all of it, but he should have expected it. What was he thinking when he started this project? Oh, that’s right; it was his shrink’s idea…

~~~

Somewhere in Pittsburgh…

Justin: “Daphne, you haven’t put that book down since you started reading it. I know it’s on the New York Times bestseller list; but it’s like you’re obsessed with it.”

Daphne: “Justin, it’s the first gay novel to make the Top Ten list, and… And I know this sounds crazy but I can really relate to the characters; it’s like I know them. 

Justin: “Right, because you’re so gay… Daph, it’s fiction…I can’t believe you’re into gay romance novels…”

Daphne: “Justin, it’s really good and there’s a rumor that some producers in England want to make it into a TV show; it really shows that quirky, gritty side of the gay lifestyle.”

Justin: “Daphne, they won’t, WON’T ever put that on film…Trust me…”

Daphne; “It’s totally romantic. It’s written from the perspective of this guy who everyone thinks is a totally conceited, self-centered, egotistical, narcissistic asshole. But he’s actually a really sweet, kind-hearted, gorgeous, insecure, neurotic, misunderstood man who’s totally in love, but can’t find a way to tell his lover.” 

Justin; “I can’t believe you’re reading that shit…”

Daphne; “You have got to read it! Sure, it’s a little cheesy, but it’s also romantic. It starts with him saying; “I walked out of the club, bored with all the men inside and looked up to see him standing under a streetlamp. I knew the minute I looked into his eyes I would love him forever; I just never told him…” Isn’t that totally romantic? Justin… Justin, oh my God! Are you OK? You’re crying. What’s wrong?”

Justin says in a very weak voice; “What else does it say?” 

Daphne; “Well, it is a bit clichéd. He goes to his boyfriend’s prom and his boyfriend gets bashed; he tries to show him how much he loves him and tries to help him heal. But he doesn’t realize that he is also suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder which leads him to neglect his boyfriend, treating him badly. His boyfriend meets someone new and leaves him just as he was trying to show him how much he loves him.” 

Justin; “What’s the name of the book?”

Daphne; “Three Little Words”

Justin; “Who’s the author?”

Daphne; “B.K. Taylor”

Justin smiles and says “I never did tell you how I met Brian, did I?”

Daphne; “Justin… You can’t possibly think Brian wrote this; I mean, sure, there are a lot of similarities but…”

Justin; “I guess you’re right. I’ll have to read it, but so far it sounds like someone looked into my soul and pulled out all my pain and passion, splashing it across the pages.” 

Daphne; “I thought all gay porn writers were middle-aged straight women? But there is that question. Where the hell is Brian?”

Justin; “Michael said he went to Ibiza after the Rage party and ending up meeting some VIP and got a job with some firm in New York. Then six months later he was promoted and transferred to Paris.”

Daphne; “So now, fourteen months later you think he’s writing gay porn in his spare time?”

Justin; “You know, technically, no one has seen him since the Rage party. Anything’s possible and I can’t help wondering; I miss him so much…” 

~~~~

Justin’s sitting in the park playing with Gus, as he does several times a week these days. Since Brian moved away he’s tried to spend more time with him to fill the void Brian left and help give the girls some much-needed time out. Gus has been running him ragged all morning, sliding down the slide, hanging from the monkey bars, making animal sounds and begging Justy to take him to the zoo.

Justin calls him over to the blanket for the picnic lunch of finger food he’s prepared for him. A complete smorgasbord of chicken drumettes, carrot, celery and cheese sticks, along with apple slices, grapes and goldfish crackers. Once they finish their feast they lay down on the blanket and Justin reads one of Gus’s books to him until he falls asleep; he can’t resist pulling out Daphne’s copy of “Three Little Words” from his messenger bag and loses himself in the first few lines. 

There are tears running down his face when he reads; “I told him I had had him… that I didn’t believe in love, that love was something that straight people told themselves so they could get laid… I told him he was nothing to me and I could see his heart breaking right before my eyes. I couldn’t believe this kid was making me question everything about myself and it killed me not to pull him back into my arms and love him the way he so longed to be loved; the way I so longed to be loved. No. I was a cold-hearted bastard and pushed him away; always pushing him away… But never really wanting him to go…” 

Justin just lay there, looking up into the clouds, remembering that evening so long ago. Brian loved him right from the beginning, just like he loved Brian. He couldn’t help thinking, ‘God! Brian is such a stubborn man’. All this time they had been wasting. Why didn’t he just come home to him so they could make it work? Where is he?

“I look up and see him dancing nearby. How did that little twat get into Babylon? God! He looks so fucking hot with his shirt off, his skin sparkling with glitter. The tricks I’m dancing with seem to follow my gaze to him and now they’re dancing with him, surrounding him. What the fuck? Nobody dances like that with my boy. Who the fuck do they think they are? I immediately move in and stake my claim, wrapping my arms around him and pulling him into me.”

“God, he looked so beautiful with his golden-white hair reflecting the flashing lights as I buried my face in his neck, breathing in his smell. I’ve missed that smell the last day or so. I quickly gathered him up and took him back to my lair, eager to continue my seduction of him … I was already so in love with him; I knew it the minute I saw that asshole put his hands on his hips. I almost lost it as I considered punching the guy out; but then that would have killed my reputation as Stud of Liberty Avenue. Yeah, I had it bad and was in deep denial…”

Justin closes his eyes, remembering Brian’s touch. How tender and giving he had been with him in the beginning. Feeling the warmth of the sun on his skin and the beads of sweat form on his brow he couldn’t help fantasising about their radiant afterglow from the mind-blowing sex they shared. He missed him, needed him, needed to make things right, needed him to understand that he had made the biggest mistake of his entire life. 

Fuck Ethan! He had cheated on him within the first month when he was out of town. Seeing that Justin whored around on Brian, Ethan just assumed Justin would whore around on him as well, never acknowledging that he was the one he cheated on Brian with. He still can’t believe that he fell for all of Ethan’s pretty words; he was a liar… Brian never lied, no matter how much it might hurt.

He checked on Gus but he was completely out, so he moved them into the shade and continued his obsession with his current pulp fiction. He couldn’t help wondering if any of the gang had read this novel, and if they did could they see that it was his and Brian’s relationship? So much of it was so personal, so much just the two of them had shared and so much of it was even new to Justin. Because even though Brian had poured his heart out onto the pages, he hadn’t done so in person and it truly touched Justin in ways he never thought that Brian could ever do. Even in his absence Brian continued to amaze and challenge Justin. 

“I couldn’t believe it when I found him sitting in Mel and Lind’s living room, sketching Lindsay as she nursed. Unexpectedly, my heart couldn’t help skipping a beat just being in the same room with him. Of course, my immediate reaction was to be snarky and annoyed; but the truth was I just wanted to wrap my arms around him and hold him close. So I accused him of stalking and threw Gus’s teddy bear at him. It didn’t faze him at all; he stood right up to my jabs and put me in my place.” 

“Then when Linds held up the sketch he drew of me I didn’t even realize I was holding my breath at first; no one’s ever done something so heartfelt. I was so touched by his compassion and impressed by his talent. Sure, he said something about drawing, but these were the first of his drawings I had ever seen and I knew then that he would became a famous artist some day. Of course, I bought it at the GLC fundraiser then I hid it. I don’t know why I didn’t want him to know I bought it. There are so many things I’ve hidden from him; I know now that if I just had let him know, our lives might be different. But it’s true what they say ‘there’s no going back’…”

Justin thinks to himself; he loves me, he so loves me… So if he’s figured it out, why does he stay away? He knows where I am; he’s still paying my tuition and my bank account is never overdrawn, even when I’m sure I have no money. I think he put overdraft protection on it and covers my expenses when I get really short of cash. The truth is I’ve never balanced the thing, it’s too depressing and I’m so broke all the time. He’s still taking care of me from afar; some might resent it but I think it’s totally sweet that he’s still trying to protect me. 

I must have laid there reading for the next few hours, hanging on every word of my personal and very public Valentine that only I knew was written just for me - a declaration of his love that he could never say out loud, yet I’m hearing him loud and clear. I can’t believe I ever thought that he wasn’t romantic. He’s my turtle hiding in his hard shell, but he’s all soft and tender on the inside. 

“One of my biggest regrets is not standing up to Michael; I always let him get away with being condescending and belittling towards Justin. Why? Why couldn’t I have just let it show how I felt? Why didn’t I tell Mikey we would never be; that I can’t love him that way.” 

“Of course I loved Justin. How could he not see it? Hell, Deb, Lindsay and even Emmett made a point of telling me how much I was in love with Justin. Sometimes I think the reason I needed to uphold my image as the Stud of Liberty Avenue was because Michael wouldn’t survive if I wasn’t; like he needed me to be his Superhero… Well, if he could see me now…”

Justin smiles to himself, thinking that Brian will always be his. He packs up all of Gus’s toys, his sketch books and pencils, along with Daph’s trashy novel and stuffs it all into his messenger bag. He just finished drawing a picture of Gus sleeping under the old Oak tree, remembering all the times he sketched Brian as he slept, hoping that someday soon he might have that chance again.

He makes his way into the diner, pushing Gus’s stroller, making his way back to the guys’ table. Em jumps up, saying; “Hey baby” and wraps his arms around him, giving him a big hug. He then takes Gus into his arms and sits back down at the table. Ted and Michael are already seated. Over the last year Michael has actually started accepting Justin as one of the gang, although there are times he still slips and says something snarky and mean, but he sees that Justin misses and loves Brian just as much as he does. 

Emmett digs into Justin’s bag for Gus’s goldfish crackers and sees the copy of Three Little Words and says; “Oh, I just started reading this. Isn’t it great? Michael just finished it. I know this sounds crazy but I can really see parts of yours and Brian’s relationship in it.” Michael snaps; “No fucking way… Besides this story takes place in London. The main character is in love with his twink and we all know Brian doesn’t believe in love and he’s openly emotional, pouring his feelings out all over the pages. Brian doesn’t show his feelings… Remember… I’m sorry, Justin. I didn’t mean it that way.”

Wow! Michael can always be counted on to make you feel even worse than you already do, but not today because I know… I just know… Sometimes it’s just better not to respond at all to his jealous little rants. How else do you explain his behavior, even after all this time? After dropping Gus off he spends the rest of the evening glued to the passionate words of B.K. Taylor… The sun is just starting to come up as he finishes reading the last words… 

“So I broke another one of my rules for him and ran after him as my heart was breaking, but it was crowded on the dance floor and by the time I made it outside they were already climbing into the back of a cab, his beautiful blonde head bouncing in the back. The last thing I remember seeing was that greasy fiddler as he turned and looked directly at me; then my world went black.” 

Justin; “What… No… It can’t end like that… What the fuck…?” Tears are rolling down his face and all he can say is; “I have to find him… I can’t believe he wrote a book about how much he loves me…”

I was born when you kissed me…
I died when you left me…
I lived while you loved me…

TBC…