Title: Metamorphosis…
Story Type: AU
Word Count: 3642
Rating: R, Porn…
Warnings: Passion and Lust…
Beta Queen: Bigj52
Banner: Yvonnereid
Queer_as_fics Challenge: Awakenings

Summary: It’s all gone in just moments - your life changes and there’s no going back. You’re no longer the person you thought you were and you have no idea who you’ll become.

Chapter Summary: Brian and Justin miss each other while Justin vacations in Hawaii…

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable charters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

Metamorphosis…
It took losing you to finally let myself love you…

Part Four ~ For Richer or Poorer, in Snarkiness and in Health…

Chapter Eleven ~ Owners of a Lonely Heart…

Pity, self-pity - it made him sick, but here he was, January second and he was depressed and wallowing in self-pity, practically considering calling off the wedding. How could he ask Justin to give everything up? He’s so young and it’s obvious to Brian now that he’s never going to walk again. He feels like drinking but it’s only noon. Bruce comes into Brian’s office, asking if he’s ready to go.

“Not today.” Brian simply says.

Bruce crinkles up his nose. “Not today?”

“Not today, dear. I have a headache.”

“I see it’s going to be one of those days; well, I won’t be part of it. Get your Goddamn ass up and let’s go. Now!”

Brian just glares at him, unmoving; it’s a battle of wills. Finally Bruce turns to leave.

“Totally pathetic…”

That was enough for Brian to follow, rolling at a very fast pace, chasing after Bruce until they got to the door.

Then Bruce says. “I knew you’d follow.”

They worked a bit longer than normal to help Brian release some of his pent-up frustration and loneliness. His anger helps push him hard and even though he can’t see the improvement everyone else can. He’s sitting in the whirlpool, letting his muscles relax after a long work out, when he receives a call from Justin.

Just hearing his voice is enough to make Brian feel better and bring him out of his funk. He can’t help thinking he must have been insane to send him away – it’s so hard to function without him, it scares Brian. Justin does so many little things to help him with his disability that he’s come to expect them. Now he sees just how hard it really is to be alone.

He’s torn between wanting and needing him and not wanting him to be tied down to a cripple. Yes, he said that ugly word that’s so not politically correct… Now he’s wallowing in self-pity again… He can’t help thinking he must need medication.

Justin is telling him how when they got off the plane it was just like the movies - they put flower leis around their necks and they smelt wonderful, like jasmine. They had a great flight, that first class was outrageous and that he ate way too much rich food and drank too much champagne.

He mentions that Daphne said that there’s a luau tonight, she wants to go deep-sea fishing and learn to hula dance and there’s a Hawaiian disco on the main island. Justin laughs and says, “She’s going to have our whole vacation planned out and I just need to relax and paint a little.”

“I’m going to send her out on her own for awhile so I can just de-compress.”

“No, Justin. I don’t want either of you going off on your own.”

“Brian…”

“No, I’m serious. I don’t want anything to happen and you know all those news reports of girls disappearing while on vacation…”

“Brian, please.”

“No, I swear I’ll cancel all your credit cards.”

“You’re mean and evil!”

“I love you too…”

“I miss you already, Brian…”

“I miss you too, Sunshine.”

“I’ll call you tonight after the luau.”

“Later.”

~~~~

Brian wasn’t the only one that missed Justin. Gus was pretty used to having time with him every afternoon and the gap now needed to be filled by Brian. Gus of course, wants to paint and Brian feels like a fish out of water in Justin’s studio, not to mention he feels like he’s invading his space.

Gus doesn’t seem to notice any personal space barriers being crossed as he starts taking out supplies and telling his Daddy to strip. He explains that Justin will be really mad if he gets paint on his really good clothes and besides afterwards they can take a bubble bath together.

“Together? That would be very difficult, Gus”

“Well, I could never convince Justy either…”

“That’s good, I think…”

“Dad, can I just take a bath? I want see all the bubbles turn different colors. Ha, what do you say?”

“What do you mean…just a bath?”

“You know, no shower, and I could just paint my body. It would be so much fun. Please, Daddy…?”

“Well, alright, but just watercolors and you paint in the tub as well so we don’t make a mess in the studio.”

Cynthia finds them in the bath, with Gus lying naked in the bottom of the claw foot tub, covered from head to toe in a rainbow of colors. She clicks a few photos before Brian and Gus notice because they’re singing Sesame Street songs, laughing at Brian’s silly faces and voices as he tells Gus a story.

He turns and notices Cynthia just as she takes another photo of Brian with red and purple paint on his face and in his hair, and on his really good clothes. Cynthia reaches over, turning on the water so it’s just nice and warm then adds Mr. Bubbles. They sit back and watch as all the colors run off Gus. He’s covered in a rainbow of foam and suds - a few more clicks for the photo book.

Brian can’t help thinking it’s a children’s version of Studs and Suds. Cynthia tells them that dinner will be ready soon and helps get Gus dressed. Brian leaves and does the same, with a little help from Bruce who leaves him to clean up in private. He’s rinsing himself off in his own shower to get the paint out of his hair, thinking about Justin painting in the nude.

He visualizes Justin at Studs and Suds the first time; his ass swaying, his black briefs a contrast against his porcelain skin amongst all those bubbles. Yes, that’s it! One, two more pulls and Brian’s right there as his orgasm floods his groin and he cries out for his missing partner. He misses Justin desperately; he had no idea he’d have it this bad as he shoots across his chest and the water cascades over him, washing away his spunk.

Ben and Michael join Brian for dinner and it’s obvious that Brian is missing Justin more than he’s willing to admit but Michael can see right through him. He thinks the more Brian tries to hide it, the more blatant it is. “God, Brian, how are you going to make it for two weeks if you can’t make it for two days?”

“I may have made a mistake; I sure hope he doesn’t find what he’s looking for.”

“How can he, when it’s still here at home?”

“I’m so confused, Michael. I want what’s best for him, but I want what’s best for me too. I pushed it; I pushed him away, again… Why do I do that?”

“Why did he go?”

~~~~

“So Doc, why did he go? Why did I push him to go?”

“Why do you think, Brian?”

“Because part of me still feels unlovable, that he deserves better than me. I’m a fake, this house, my possessions; it’s all a joke. I’m still a poor mick from a dirty steel town. He’s, he’s beautiful inside and out; he always sees the best in people and he was raised with grace and manners. It all comes so naturally for him.”

“I ruined him; he had a chance at a beautiful life, being young, going away to school, experiencing all that his youth had to offer. It’s true what Bedwetter said. I stole his youth and he will regret it someday. I thought I was making him the best homosexual he could be, but I was just making him my whore.”

“Is that how you think he sees it?”

“He’s young, he can’t see anything.”

“No, Brian, I think he’s acting his age. You just don’t want to let him grow up, make his own decisions or have a difference of opinion.”

“I know what’s best for him.”

“Why can’t that be what’s best for both of you?”

~~~~

“Brian, I’ve left a couple of messages for you. God, everything is so much fun, I can’t believe it. I loved the luau and they have one almost every night on the different islands and the scuba diving has been fantastic.”

“I’m glad you’re having such a great time.”

“Brian, I have had some time to think about everything and well, there are some things that have to change.”

“Uh huh, I see…”

“Listen, I’d really rather not do this over the phone, but I need you to know I can’t go on the way things have been.”

Brian can’t breathe; he feels sick to his stomach. What was he doing? How could he have let Michael talk him into this?

“Justin, I’d rather we did this in person too. I’m not anywhere that I have any privacy right now. Can I call you later when I’m alone?”

“Brian, you better call me and don’t ignore me like you have been the last few days. I need you to hear what I have to say. Are you listening to me? I’m serious. Things have to change.”

“Yes, Sunshine.”

Brian’s stomach dropped as well as his mood. He had been so happy, so excited that he decided to risk all, go with Ben and Michael and fly to Hawaii to surprise Justin and Daphne. Now Brian just felt like the bottom was falling out of his world; Ben and Michael were still gathering the luggage as Brian closed his cell phone.

Justin had mentioned that Daphne had met someone and she’d been spending almost all her time with him and Brian couldn’t help wondering if Justin had done the same. He felt so foolish going there now to surprise him. He’s only doing just what he’d told him to do.

~~~~

Brian’s POV

I sit in my room, getting ready to call him when I look out at the beach and see him sitting with a couple of other guys, playing cards and laughing; one of them is sitting a little close and keeps touching his arm or thigh. I feel sick to my stomach again. I can’t help having visions of him fucking that guy and I won’t make it easy for him to tell me we can’t be raw anymore. I close the curtains and wheel to the restroom and throw up.

I fell asleep and wake to my cell phone ringing. It’s Justin and he’s pissed. He says he’s been waiting for me to call him back and he wants to joins his friends for dinner. I tell him I’m sorry that I fell asleep. He apologizes and says he’ll call me later, to go back to sleep.


I wheel over to the patio and open the curtains. They blow in the wind as I look out; it’s dark and my chair reflects off the outside lights and the moon. Justin’s walking with his friends when he sees the glare in the moonlight on my chair in the lightless room. He turns and stares, knowing the outline of the chair and the profile that is seated within.

Justin excuses himself from his friends for the evening as he approaches the seated figure in the dark.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were here?”

“I was going to tell you.”

“Are you here spying on me?”

Oh God! This is so not how he hoped this might have gone…

Justin thinks -Why the fuck did I say that? He looks so unsure of himself, so not like Brian.

Brian takes a deep breath and says, “I guess we both know what you’ve decided… I feel like such a fool coming here now, thinking how romantic it would be to share this. But don’t worry, I’ll take the next flight back. I want you to enjoy your vacation.”

“How can I enjoy it if you’re not here? What I wanted to say and I think maybe you get it now, is that I can’t keep living the way we have been. Rapunzel, Rapunzel, come out of your castle. I need you to join the real world instead of you hiding at home.”

“I need you to go the park with us, and out to dinner, to visit our friends and go to the movies. There’s nothing you can’t really do that you didn’t used to. I expect that you think you can’t, but you can and I need you to. I can’t live a life, hiding at home all the time and I want to be seen out together. I’m proud to be marrying you, Mr. Kinney.”

“So this is about me not taking you to dinner?”

“No, this is about you withdrawing from life and not making an effort to be part of the family, only going to the hospital for your appointments and therapy; never going any place fun.”

Justin leans down and places kisses along his brow and whispers how much he’s missed him and that he’s worried about him. How incredible it is that he’s here and that he’s starving and wants to go to dinner. They both burst out laughing.

“You’re always hungry.”

“Shut up.”



They call Ben and Michael then pick a restaurant that specializes in Hawaiian food. They wanted to try the native cuisine. They drink tropical drinks in coconut shells with tiny umbrellas in them, getting drunk on the rum. They order several grilled fish and pork dishes for the whole table to share. All the fruits and vegetable are exotic and taste fantastic, their wonderful flavors exploding on their palates.

Afterwards Ben and Michael excused themselves to give Brian and Justin some time alone, knowing how much they’ve missed each other over the last week. They make their way back to their hotel room; Brian had reserved a very luxurious disabled suite that caters to the special needs of their visitors - similar to what he has at home.

He’s very pleased with the hotel room; he was skeptical when he booked the room, sure he would feel uncomfortable and out of place. Justin says he wants to go get all his things from his room and let Daphne know where he’s now staying. Brian decides he will wait out on the patio for Justin. There’s a trellis with jasmine blooming and he remembers how much Justin loves the smell.

He could almost reach it but not quite. Without thinking, he stands to reach it and breaks off a branch. His chair rolls backwards out of reach when he stands, now he’s left standing, grasping the trellis for dear life. Wondering how much fucking longer Justin will be, he’s sure he’ll fall and break his legs. He knows he can’t stay like this, each moment he becomes less sure of himself.

He reaches his arms out in front of himself like the Frankenstein monster, as he takes baby steps, holding the jasmine branch out like a peace offering. It’s just then that Justin enters the suite and, seeing Brian, his initial reaction is to run to him, to help him, but he doesn’t - he holds back. He decides to let Brian try on his own because making it back to his chair on his own is a really big step.

Brian stares at his feet as he slowly tries to lift his feet that feel like concrete. He feels pins and needles as he cries out in pain. Justin’s right there to support his weight and lead him to his chair. Once Brian’s seated Justin smiles and kisses him, telling him how proud he is of him. Brian just grins and hands the jasmine branch to Justin who smells it and smiles his big sunshine smile.

“It got away from me; God, I was so fucking scared!”

“I’m glad I was right here.”

“Me too, Sunshine.”

“I missed you so much…”

He asks him if he wants to sit on the chaise lounge. Justin has plans for him and Brian as he helps guide Brian into the chaise. Once Brian’s situated and comfortable Justin stands before him and slips his shirt over his head, running his hands back down his shoulders and arms until his hands reach his waistband.

Brian’s eyes glass over as he watches with anticipation as Justin prances around him, slowly stripping. Brian pours each of them a glass of wine as he becomes totally captivated by his partner’s antics that are creating chaos in his pants, beckoning for release.

Justin chuckles as he sees the state of turmoil his partner is in. He slowly unzips his pants, wiggles his perfect ass and tries to slide his pants down. Then Justin turns his back towards Brian and puts his hands on his hips, pulling his jeans down, revealing the fact that he’s commando.

That was it! Brian actually had been stroking himself through his jeans, but when he saw Justin’s smooth, white ass in the moonlight he came right in his pants. Justin hears him grunt and moan, and then say “Oh fuck, Justin…” Justin looks over his shoulder, unsure of what happened.

Brian simply folds his hands over his crotch and grins as Justin climbs on him until he gets to the wet spot. He snickers and says, “I missed you too… Now let’s get you out of these wet clothes and into me…”

He reaches down and undoes Brian’s damp pants then stands and pulls them down by the hem. Brian reaches down and slips his shirt over his shoulders. Justin smiles as he sees Brian’s stiff prick protruding from his black briefs as he bends down and licks around the beautiful crown. He slides his hands into Brian’s underwear and tugs them down and off, giving him total access to his favorite play thing.

Brian arches his back and cries out loudly before he remembers that they’re on their patio and about to fuck in plain view of all who pass, should they walk close enough. Justin shushes him then climbs back up his body and covers his mouth with his own. They share one of the most passionate kisses that they have had since all this insecure dream bullshit happened. Now hopefully that’s all behind them.

Brian’s lying in the chaise with Justin in between his legs; he adjusts himself by bending his legs and pushing back to help move up more. Justin’s amazed that he can use those muscles and his feet. Brian’s oblivious to what he just did; he may not be able to stand and walk without his handrails and the water to cushion his fall but he’s so far along Justin’s almost giddy.

Justin just grins like a fool and Brian asks, “What?”

Justin shakes his heads all smiles with a silly grin, saying, “Nothing, nothing at all.”

Brian reaches out, puts his hand behind Justin’s neck and pulls him into a kiss. Then another long and passionate kiss that starts the two of them making out slowly, working themselves up until their passion and need has consumed them. They rut against one another, moaning and sighing, not wanting to break their kiss but if they don’t their both going to cum again like teenagers.

Justin sits up and rubs their slippery cocks together, totally getting off on the way it feels as their balls nudge each other, making him even more turned on. He takes both their cocks in his hands and works them good and hard, pulling and twisting, ever so firmly - just the way they both love it.

Justin reaches for the lube because, no matter how excited he is to see Brian it has been a week without any tail and Brian has a full nine and a half inches, just waiting to be devoured. He coats Brian’s stiff prick and chuckles as Brian reacts to the cool gel whispering, “It’ll heat up.”

He leans back against Brian’s still-bent legs and raises himself up as he takes Brian’s dick in his hands, guiding it towards his waiting pucker. He teases himself, riding just the tip for a minute or so before he glides himself down onto Brian, impaling himself. Justin’s back is against Brian’s legs, with his head thrown back, sighing and adjusting. Soon writhing with need and desire, he starts pumping himself up and down on Brian’s shaft.

Even though he tries to keep his moaning down he can’t help the sounds escaping him as he rides his fiancé. Justin holds onto Brian’s legs as his cock dangles and bounces to the rhythm of the fuck. Brian watches as his partner gleefully seduces him like they’re young boys again and he loves every minute of it.

Justin looks so young with his blond hair shining in the moonlight, so enthusiastic as he fucks himself with abandon like he’s going to miss curfew. Justin’s thigh muscles have definitely gotten stronger as he works himself closer and closer to climax. Brian reaches out and takes a hold of Justin’s dick and starts pulling, bringing him close to orgasm.

They’re both right on the edge as Justin uses his tight slick channel to squeeze his lover’s seed from him as he shoots across Brian’s chest, loving the way it feels when Brian’s warm semen fills him.

“That was great!” Justin tells him. “God, I’ve missed you so much. You know I’m never taking another vacation without you.”

“Yeah, I agree, that was a stupid idea.”


What he loves the most about Brian is that they’re both working on being emotionally open. He didn’t need this vacation to decide if he wanted to marry Brian. He needed it to decide how to get Brian back on track, moving their life in the right direction. Because if their marriage is going to work then they both need to have a say and understand where their future is going to take them.

TBC…