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Author's Chapter Notes:

Justin stalks down his favorite prey and comes to understand why he abandoned his family for so long.

Title: Metamorphosis… 
Story Type: AU
Word Count: 3835
Rating: R, Porn…
Warnings: Passion and Lust…
Beta Queen: bigj52 
Banner: yvonnereid

Summary: It’s all gone in just moments; your life changes and there’s no going back. You’re no longer the person you thought you were; and you have no idea who you’ll become.

Chapter Summary; Justin stalks down his favorite prey and comes to understand why he abandoned his family for so long.


Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable charters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…


Metamorphosis… 

It took losing you to finally let myself love you…

Part One ~ Three Little Words

Chapter Two ~ Broken… 

Somewhere in West Virginia…

Justin pulls Daphne’s old Neon up to the address scribbled on the notepad, grateful the damn engine didn’t blow up again… It seems to blow up once every nine to twelve months like clockwork. But it’s sporty and has a racing strip and fin on the back and he looks hot driving it. He sits at the curb, looking at the house and tries to imagine Brian living there. The place is huge, three storeys, a rambling mansion built for some steel baron at the turn of the century and landscaped like its part of the National Trust. He takes another hit off the joint to calm his nerves; maybe he’s completely wrong. Maybe B.K. Taylor does live here, just not Brian Kinney…

“Sir, there’s a young man here to see you.” Brian’s brought out of his thoughts as he looks up at Marco, his personal household assistant; ‘servant’ is such an ugly word. He sees Justin standing in the doorway and his breath hitches. He can’t believe how beautiful he looks; he never thought he would see him again. He wants more than anything to run over to him and take him into his arms and hold him, kiss him, tell him how much he loves him, misses him, and needs him.

But he simply smiles and gestures for Justin to have a seat near his desk and asks, “To what do we owe this honor?”

Justin: “Brian, do you have any idea how much work it was to try and find you? Why are you hiding in West Virginia? What happened in Paris? What’s going on?”

Brian: “Slow down there, Jus… I just needed some time to find myself…”

Justin: “In West Virginia?”

Justin comes over to Brian and sits on the side of his desk, looking down into Brian’s eyes. He reads all the love and passion Brian desperately longs to show him. Just as he’s leaning in to kiss Brian, a large, well-built man enters the room and then apologizes as he backs out. Brian smiles and says; “That just Bruce; he’s my… my trainer.”

Justin gets up and says; “Well, I guess I should go, you obviously have other plans.” Brian looks sad, but he knows it’s probably for the best. How could he ask him to stay? So they make nice and say how great it was to see each other and promise to see each other again. Marco escorts Justin to the front door and just as Justin gets all the way down the walk and back to Daphne’s Neon he changes his mind and decides to go back to ask Brian out to dinner. He can’t just let him go, can’t just walk away again; he loves him too much to ever let him go again…”

He walks back up to the house as he hears Bruce talking to Brian; saying not to push himself today; that it’s not a race; that he needs to pace himself. Justin walks down the path that leads to the pool area and stops suddenly, watching as he sees Bruce carrying Brian down the steps and into the pool. He places him on the steps where Brian can hold onto the stair railing. There are also brass handles fastened on the sides so it’s easy for Brian to hold himself up.

Bruce starts with stretching exercises, holding Brian’s ankle, bringing his leg forward to his chest and back, for a set of twelve, which he repeats on the other side. After a series of a dozen different exercises and an hour later Bruce asks if Brian would like to just float for a while in the sun; he knows how much Brian loves the water. Brian just smirks and says; “I think Marco’s a little old to save my sorry ass when I slip off my raft and sink to the bottom.

Cynthia reaches down and touches Justin’s shoulder, showing him inside, asking him how much he knows. He just shakes his head and says; “Nothing really. I read the book and hounded the publisher until I tracked him down here. I talked with him for about twenty minutes, then Bruce came in and I thought he was a trick. So I left, but then I came back. I needed him to understand that I love him… I really love him, Cyn… What’s going on?”

Cynthia: “There was an accident; it really wasn’t anyone’s fault. He ran after you when you left the Rage party, but he didn’t reach you in time. I guess he didn’t hear the delivery truck. When he kept running after you, he was struck by the truck and the lower half of his body was damaged. He didn’t want anyone to see him like this so he lied to his family and friends for the first time. He doesn’t want your pity, and he hates to be fussed over.”

Justin; “Oh God, Cynthia, how could you not tell me? I called you, and called you; I was so worried.”

Cynthia; “I know, Justin, but I had to respect his decision. Besides, he thought you were with the fiddler; he thought that you were happy. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to deceive you. So are you ready to hear it now?”

Justin; “Yes… Yes. Please tell me everything. I have to know…”

Cynthia: “He’s had a series of operations over the last year and he’s really gained a lot of strength and muscle tone in his legs with physical therapy; but he is paralyzed from the waist down. You know him, he’s determined to walk and he tries so hard, but he’s fallen and broken bones that are slower to heal now. He saw his doctor yesterday and was told that he’s in the best possible shape he can hope for and that he just needs to maintain his health; but he’ll never walk again.”

Justin can’t help the tears that are welling in his eyes… Cynthia reaches over and says; “No tears, he needs you to be strong for him. He has a pretty good sense of humor about things, considering everything. He has a strong will. He’s had time to consider his actions, his life, his parents, his sexuality, his love for you… He’s in therapy trying to understand why he made the choices he did. Most days he’s good, some days he’s bad, he’s lonely and he misses you.”

“He’s come a long way. In the beginning he was very depressed, refused treatment, wouldn’t do his exercises and I worried that he might … that he might be suicidal. One night he kept his steak knife from dinner. Later when no one was around he cut himself. He started at his chest, just testing how much he could feel and moved down his body every few inches just checking, leaving small cuts along the way. When he got to his waist the cuts went a little deeper and started to get messy, but he kept on going. When I found him he had lost a lot of blood and the blade of the steak knife was completely embedded in his mid-thigh.”

“It was then that I insisted he get help. He resisted, of course, and fought me every step of the way. But when you’re strapped to your bed or I’ve set his wheelchair controls out of reach he really comes around relatively fast, well, fast for Brian Kinney. The first few days were a bitch but he’s come to realize that he really only has the illusion of being in control. I call all the shots when I think he’s being unreasonable or childish; other than that I trust his judgment.”

“He’s on a first-name basis with most of the staff at the hospital and rehab center. They have rebuilt or repaired most of the bones in his legs and thank God he didn’t have any feeling. I can only imagine how much pain he would have been in. He’s on a waiting list for a couple of research studies; one is to try and redirect his nerve impulses and the neurotransmitters in his brain to help regain control over his leg muscles. That’s one reason he still works out like a madman so his body is in prime condition should he become eligible for the study. And of course, he’s neurotic about how his body looks even if it doesn’t work quite like it used to.”

“You know the only reason he ever agreed to allow the book to be published is because he was sure that you would never read trash like that. But it was very therapeutic for him to be able to express his feelings and come to grips with everything that’s happened to him. Even if he found it hard to write about his childhood, or about the accident, it really helped him through the healing process; gave him something to focus on and look forward to. It was a way to vent all his frustrations and tell all his secrets. Personally I think he really wanted you to read it. You needed to understand that he really is a very sensitive man; he’s just too frightened to ever let it show.”

“Now I have to ask you one thing, Justin. Are you in this for the long haul? Do you really love him and are you prepared to deal with all his neuroses and disabilities? Remember he is still Brian Fucking Kinney; complete asshole and total jerk, on occasion. Because, if you have any doubts I need you to make nice, then leave and never come back. But if you think you’re strong enough to do this, then go find yourself one of Brian’s suits and join him in the pool. I’ll make some lunch and bring it out.”

Justin walks out from the poolhouse to see Brian struggling to pull himself up on the side of the pool into a sitting position. His muscles are still shaking from too much strain and he’s frustrated as he lies back, closing his eyes and allows himself to let his tears flow. He feels someone running fingers through his hair and remembers all the times Justin used to do that when they were at the loft; more tears come as he’s assaulted by those memories.

Justin leans down and wipes his tears away before he places gentle kisses down his jawline. Brian’s eyes shoot open as he assumed it was Cynthia comforting him; he’s both shocked and relieved when he sees that it’s Justin holding his head, stroking his hair. Justin smiles and says: “I’m right here, let me help you; I’ve missed you for so long. A brilliant friend of mine once told me that a man needs to know when to ask for help.” Brian just smiles, reaches up and runs his hand down Justin’s cheek.

Justin stays, sitting on the side of the pool, holding Brian while his legs dangle in the cool water. Brian relaxes into Justin’s touch as he is no longer just stroking his hair but also massaging his shoulders and forearms, remembering them shaking from strain and overuse. Brian moans and tells Justin how great it feels; it’s been so long since anyone’s touched him… Brian thoughts drift off. The truth is Justin was the last one to hold him like this, to soothe his aching muscles and make him feel whole.

Bruce asks; “What do you say, Boss? You want to float on that huge mattress thing or sit in the lounge chairs for a while until lunch is served?” Brian chooses the lounge chairs. Bruce lifts him up, carries him over and sets him down, then excuses himself. It’s then for the first time that Justin sees Brian’s fancy wheelchair tucked back by the poolhouse door. Something about actually seeing it for the first time shakes Justin to the core, but he puts on a mask that even Brian Kinney would be proud of.

He asks Brian if he needs any suntan lotion and Brian would like to pass but he knows that Cynthia’s mother just finished a bout with skin cancer and she’d kill him if he didn’t use some. Brian says; “There are a variety of SPF factors in the cupboard.” Justin chooses SPF30 for himself and SPF15 for Brian. Once he’s coated himself with lotion he climbs up onto Brian’s lap and starts to drip some lotion on his chest, slowly rubbing in small circles, toying with his nipples.

Brian leans his head back, reminiscent of his days in the backroom of Babylon; closing his eyes, leaving his mouth slightly open with his tongue just showing. Justin is completely overcome with love and desire for Brian, listening to his moans as his breath hitches. He moves his hand across Brian’s chest, continuing to rub small circles of lotion into his skin. He leans in and runs his tongue around his left nipple, teasing and sucking him.

He hears Brian chant; “Oh Justin, oh Jus” repeatedly. Justin just smiles; so glad he never quit looking for Brian; never gave up on their love. He leans in and kisses him as Brian moans, lost in the sensations coursing through his body, sensations he hasn’t felt for so long; sensations he never thought he would experience again. He can’t get enough of Justin’s touch; he wants him to run his hands over every inch of his skin; to feel, to finally feel. Who would have thought that touch would play such an important part in making a person feel whole, making him feel alive and wanting to live?

Justin snickers and says: Is this for me?” as his runs his tongue down Brian’s chest, licking the oozing slit of his protruding penis that’s stabbing him in his belly. Brian is still overwhelmed as he follows Justin with his eyes and then slightly blushes as Justin uncages the beast, taking him into his mouth. Justin can’t help but comment; “Brian Kinney blushing, that’s a first…” Brian is completely engrossed in watching Justin’s action as he devours his throbbing joystick. He can’t help thinking that this is the hottest thing he has ever seen, he’d even like to record it on video; he’s sure there will come a time when Justin’s no longer in his life again. Hell, today’s probably the last time he’ll ever see him; he can’t really believe he’s here right now.

Justin sits up and lowers his swim trunks, kicking them off to the side. Then he climbs back onto Brian’s lap, rubbing their cocks together, creating a slick mess. He takes Brian’s dick in his hand, amazed at how fucking hard he is, like a man of steel. He runs it between his crack, leaving a slick trail, rubbing it back and forth, back and forth. He looks at Brian and says; “I assume with all your doctor’s appointments you’ve been tested?” Brian nods; Justin continues asking; “And that you’re clean?” Brian nods again, just watching Justin as he continues saying: “Me too and I haven’t been with anyone for almost a year.”

Brian looks shocked but just keeps watching. He’s totally mesmerized by Justin at this point as he keeps rubbing his mushroom cap head up and down his crack. Only now he’s slightly dipping Brian in and out of him. Justin leans in, capturing Brian’s lips in his as Brian slides his hands down to Justin’s round globes, firmly holding onto him as Justin slides himself completely down onto Brian’s cock. He cries out and rests his forehead against Brian’s as he waits to adjust to Brian’s girth and length; he can’t believe he forgot just how big and beautiful his man is. He can’t believe that Brian just let him mount him raw; they’re both still looking each other in the eyes, never breaking contact. No walls, just complete and unconditional love.

Justin smiles and runs his hands through Brian’s hair as he starts to kiss him again; once he loosens up and accepts Brian’s intrusion Justin starts to raise and lower himself, slowly at first. Then he increases his speed and breathing as he rides the man he loves, the man he’s missed for over a year. He’s so glad he doesn’t have to live even one more day without him; he only hopes he doesn’t get thrown off Mount Kinney because he’s not going without a fight and it could get ugly. Still running his hands through Brian’s hair and holding on to his shoulders as he thrusts himself faster and faster up and down on Brian’s shaft, he can’t believe how incredible it feel to be flesh to flesh with him. The sensations are overwhelming as he purrs with delight. 

Justin shifts slightly on Brian’s lap and really leans into him so that Brian’s thick cock slams into his prostate on each downward thrust. Brian just watches as Justin rides him, pulling himself closer and closer to his orgasm; he knows him so well as he sees him fight against the uncontrollable pleasure that’s about to consume every fiber of his soul as he tries to make it last forever.

Justin is practically incoherent as he is assaulted by the constant feeling of Brian’s raw penis slipping and sliding against him, driving him crazy as his muscles lose control and squeeze Brian’s cock like a boa constrictor. Justin leans back with hooded eyes as Brian works his stout rod until he hears his Justin cry out his name and shoots all over his chest. Still leaving a hand on Justin’s back he leans in and licks at the stream of cum that’s running down his chest. Justin collapses back against Brian as Brian holds him tight in his arms, cherishing every moment they share.

After fifteen minutes or so Justin sits up, coming out of his passion-induced coma and asks; “Brian, wasn’t that the best fucking sex you’ve ever had?” Brian smiles and whispers; “The best…” Justin starts running kisses up Brian’s arm, shoulder, neck and jawline, making his way to Brian’s full lips; taking them into his mouth, claiming his lover as he pushes his tongue in deeper, doing a familiar dance that shows the passion and intense love that still exists between them both.

Kissing Justin has always been one of those pleasures that Brian would never have admitted to back in the day, but now it gives him a reason to hope. Justin is watching Brian, never taking his eyes off his, trying to read him; wishing that Brian would be as open and forthcoming with him in person as he was in writing. Justin then remembers Cynthia’s words, realizing that Brian’s afraid to let his emotions show, afraid to appear vulnerable and, most of all, afraid of being rejected.

Justin sits up, saying, he’ll go to find a washcloth to clean them up. Brian can’t help watching his naked ass as it sways gently from side to side. As he walks away Brian’s already sporting a new woody. Justin comes inside and finds the restroom, pulling his cutoffs back on but foregoing his t-shirt. He finds a clean washcloth, cleans himself up and heads back out. Cynthia asks him to help carry their lunch out but can’t help saying; “I know that this is none of my business but…” Justin just looks at her, begging her not to go there but she keeps going… “I don’t know how to say this. First of all, I think it’s great that you two can connect on a sexual level again. I think it’s maybe just what he needed to feel… feel more like himself but you have to realize… Oh God…” She blushes.

Justin says: “Cynthia, please trust me; I would never do anything to hurt him and I don’t need a lecture on gay sex 101… So why don’t we just skip the sex talk. I think I know Mr. Kinney’s body better than anyone.” She blushes again and says; “I’m sure you do but… Justin, you know he’s paralyzed… and it all starts to go haywire somewhere between his waist and hips. You know how they say sex is all in your mind?” Justin looks at her a little funny and says; “Listen Cyn, trust me. Nothing was haywire a few minutes ago.” She tries not to blush, saying: “Justin, when he started healing in the hospital the doctor commented on his constant erections, saying he was probably dreaming about you. He was healing mentally and physically but he was also completely oblivious to it, and I never mentioned it.”

“When he came home and we hired staff, I talked to them about it. They are complete professionals so they never acknowledged it, but I know it embarrasses him when he notices. When he started writing down his emotions for therapy we worked out a little signal that I would use to help him. I’d just lightly tap my finger on the desk. You see, he can’t help himself, he can’t control it. He isn’t even aware of it. So, whenever he thinks about you consciously or subconsciously he’s usually sporting a raging hard-on. So I can only imagine how amazing it is for him to have you here and to actually be able to touch you.”

Now Justin’s the one to blush; “But we just had sex and it was great; better than great, it was beyond incredible and he had no problems performing to fruition.” Cynthia smiles and says; “Yes, his body functions just fine; he just can’t feel anything.” Justin looks shocked, embarrassed like he took advantage of a child. Cynthia touches his shoulder and says; “Like I said in the beginning of this conversation, I have no doubt that it was just what he needed for his ego and to feel like the man he used to be, but I just thought you should know… Please be gentle with him, he’s like a teenager finally letting himself feel and experience his emotions and desires without constructing all those walls. Please just be there for him, for whatever it is he needs at the time, he still can be very child-like. Dr. Wilder says it’s because he was never really allowed to be a child. He went into self-protection mode from early childhood, not letting himself feel anything except fear.”

Cynthia hands him a tray with a huge seafood salad of shrimp and crab, along with a loaf of fresh-baked French bread and a variety of cheese and fresh fruits. Cynthia says she’ll follow along shortly with a pitcher of homemade lemonade along with glasses, plates and silverware. She wanted to give them time to clean up and get comfortable before she joined them for lunch.

Disclaimer ~ I have not researched these types of medical issues like I usually do when writing. I wouldn’t want the facts to get in the way of the porn… Ha, Ha, Ha…

TBC…

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