Title: Metamorphosis… 
Story Type: AU
Word Count: 3041
Rating: R, Porn…
Warnings: Passion and Lust…
Beta Queen: bigj52 
Banner: yvonnereid

Summary: Its all gone is just moments; your life changes and there’s no going back. You’re no longer the person you thought you were; and you have no idea who you’ll become.

Chapter Summary: I wanna to be your lover, baby, I wanna to be your man…

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable charters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

Metamorphosis…

It took losing you to finally let myself love you…

Part Two ~ Healing and Mending…

Chapter Four ~ This neurotic man of mine…

Justin signed up for extra classes for the next semester, now having some spare time since he left the diner and after reviewing his schedule the classes available work out so he should be able to graduate early; with just six or seven more classes he can get his Master’s Degree. It’s going to be one hell of a year but he thinks he can do it, especially if he takes summer school both years.

Brian is so proud of him when he mentioned that he had figured out a plan to get out of school early with a Master’s Degree, no less. Brian himself will be having an intense year as well; he was accepted into the research study and will be in physical therapy daily. He will also have to go through some more operations but they’re very hopeful about the potential results. The doctors said that he’s one of the best candidates they have so far for the study, considering his age, and how healthy he is.

I’ve moved completely into the mansion with Brian now and I feel a little guilty about not telling anyone. Well, I mentioned that I’m seeing an older man who’s a bit of a recluse… just to get a rise out of Brian. He needs to see the family but I won’t push him. Things between us are so much better than I ever dreamed possible. Of course it’s still very hard for him to express his feelings but he’s trying. He doesn’t put up his walls now, he just uses his hands, getting animated when he gets frustrated. I’m so proud of him.

He’s been meeting with his attorneys a lot lately, negotiating a new book deal and the script for the television show in England then there’s the big settlement from his accident. It’s interesting watching him in action. It’s like he’s still the same man working those around him and completely in control, seated behind his big desk but I know how depressed he gets when he’s alone in his fancy new top of the range wheelchair.

I think he misses his work and the art of the deal. He always was a workaholic and this past year has been hard for him and the next won’t be much better but he’s always pushed himself. He mentioned wanting to start his own advertising agency and I think that’s a good idea. He needs to get back out in the world and his ego hasn’t allowed himself to do that as of yet. He needs to see that his disabilities won’t interfere with how successful his business can be.

The house is huge and he only uses the first floor right now, the second floor has six bedrooms and a full library. The house does have an old elevator with wrought iron gates and it’s three storeys tall. There are just four rooms on the upper level. I’ve made one of them my studio so the paints don’t bother Brian. He’s become very sensitive to smells and odors; they make him nauseous. I’m waiting for a delivery from the artist’s studio of the canvases, paints and supplies I’ve ordered when Marco tells Brian and me that Dr. Bruckner is here to see Mr. Taylor.

Marco escorts Dr. Ben Bruckner into the living room with Brian and me. Ben reaches his hand out and says; “Brian, I thought your name was Kinney?” I’m not a jealous guy, really, I’m not… But they know each other, I mean, really ‘know’ each other… My gaydar is pinging off the charts and I feel sick, this guy is built. He’s so hot and so opposite of me. God! Why do I feel so insecure right now?

Brian asks, “Doc, how are you? This is Justin Taylor, my partner.” They both smile and shake hands and I still can’t help sizing him up and becoming jealous. I’m really glad I started working out and I’m now well toned, not the little boy Brian met that first night in the loft so long ago.

Marco; “Justin, Justin… Would you like some iced tea?”

“Iced tea? Yes, yes that would be great.” With a shot of Beam would be even better. Brian seems happy and I know that’s good; he rarely sees other people. I just wish I could focus and stop all these ridiculous emotions.

Marco appears, carrying a tray with a pitcher of iced tea and glasses, I help him set it down and serve everyone. I hear Dr. Bruckner say that he’s now teaching at Carnegie-Mellon medical school, that he’s practicing physical medicine and the research study that Brian will be in is his project.

He goes on to explain the study to both of us even though we’ve read about it before. It really helps to have someone here to explain each and every step that Brian will be going through. He explains that he’s not a surgeon but he will be working extensively with Brian after each operation until hopefully Brian has regained use of his legs. To what extent that will be depends upon how Brian does during each procedure and how hard he works during physical therapy.

After Dr. Bruckner leaves, okay Ben - he insisted we call him Ben - was the nicest guy ever and I can’t believe that I was jealous of him, except he’s so fucking hot… Don’t go there… Brian’s a little nervous about having more surgery but I tell him it will be nothing compared to what he’s been through already. I’m more worried about the healing process Dr… Ben said that as Brian’s nerve endings grow and reconnect, it can create deep burning sensations and or shooting pains

Brian’s exhausted after meeting with Ben this afternoon and he insists that I go out with Daphne this evening and have a good time, even go dancing as its been months since I’ve gone out. I feel a little weird leaving him at home but he would never consider going to the diner let alone Babylon until he’s ’healed.’ I wish he wasn’t so stubborn.

So when Daph and I make our way into the club and get a drink it isn’t long before we’re joined by Em and his new beau. He seems nice and I can’t help wondering why his men never stay - if it’s them or Em? Ted and Michael join us with a new round of drinks. I talk with Michael who wants to do a second issue of Rage and hopes that I can squeeze it into my schedule.

Right, because he doesn’t get that I’m already carrying eighteen to twenty credits this semester. How could he? He’s never been a serious college student. Just then I hear Daphne say “Oh My God, my professor is here!” I look up and see Ben headed straight for us, smiling.

Daphne blushes like she’s been caught doing something wrong as I introduce Ben to the gang. He acknowledges Daph, all smiles and then he turns his attention to Michael. Smitten, infatuation, lust, that doesn’t even come close to what we’re all witnessing. Ben asks Michael to dance and I’m pretty sure they have their china pattern picked out by the end of the night.

Now we just have to get Teddy hooked up. Really, he’s not bad looking - it’s his lack of confidence. You would think that with Brian off the scene for the last sixteen months these boys would have made inroads into the trenches of the gay battlefield. 


Seven Weeks Later…

Brian sits in the patio garden, outside our bedroom, watching the moon come up. He loves hearing all the news about the gang and he’s really happy for Michael until it occurs to him that at some point Ben and Michael will figure out they both know him. He wonders if he should tell Michael the truth but he hates the idea of having to deal with Michael’s wrath, even if he does deserve it.

Just hearing the enthusiasm in Michael’s voice as he tells Brian all about Ben and how wonderful he is. How he can’t stop hoping they might live together some day then Michael asks when Brian can come home for a visit. It’s been so long and he just has to meet Ben. Brian stumbles and says that he’s extremely busy right now; he’ll have to check his schedule. But Michael isn’t letting it go so easily and somehow gets him to commit to considering coming for Christmas.

It didn’t seem like that big of a deal at the time except that news spread like wildfire. When Justin came home from school he told him Deb mentioned that he was coming home for the holidays six months from now.

Brian shakes his head “Michael really has a big mouth.” “You can’t blame him. It will be almost a two years since he’s seen you.”

“God, Justin, you say it like that and it sounds so bad. They must really hate me.”

“No, they just think you’re an asshole…”

“Thanks”

“Of course if they knew the truth they might not feel that way. You know, maybe we should consider inviting them over and explain everything. I’m sure they’ll understand.” 

“No, not yet. Not until I can walk. I just can’t let them see me like this.”

“Brian, you know there’s a good chance that you’ll run into someone at Carnegie-Mellon Hospital during your treatments. Just being at the hospital makes you more vulnerable. Don’t you want to be the one to tell them in a controlled situation?”

“I don’t… I don’t want their pity.”

“Do you think I pity you?”

“I don’t. I try not to think about it.”

“I don’t. I don’t pity you. Are you listening to me?”

Brian just looks away…

“You have to start being part of the world again; you can’t continue to hide in your fortress. It’s not healthy for you any more.”

Brian bites his lips and says, “Well, Gus does want to go to the circus and I doubt any of the gang would be there if we went.”

“Really! You’d consider going to the circus! Oh God, Brian, this is great!!!”

“Oh, calm down. You’re worse than Gus! Let’s keep this a surprise until we work out all the details. Gus’s playhouse should be delivered at the end of next week if everything goes as planned.”

“I can’t believe you ordered children’s furniture to go inside. You really are the world’s greatest dad.”

“Do you ever think about it?”

“About it? What? Being a dad?”

“Yeah… Do you…do you ever think about us being parents together?”

“I love seeing Gus a couple of times a week, but it just rips my heart out every time he leaves.”

“You want to be a full-time dad?”

“Well, it doesn’t seem such a bad idea, does it?”

Brian looks at Justin, a little unsure and afraid of what he might see in his eyes. He knows it’s too soon. Hell, they’ve only been back together several months yet Brian feels the need to be committed - he hates being so alone.

Justin looks at Brian, a little shocked at first and slowly his smile creeps up his face, unable to hide his excitement.

“Really, Brian! Oh my God, really???”

“I was thinking we could ask Cynthia or we can hire a surrogate.”

“That’s a lot to ask of someone but then again I really don’t want a stranger.”

~~~~

Brian’s deluxe shower was more than deluxe… It was designed specifically for him and his needs - it was a huge room. But then again it really was so much more than a shower. There are four sections. In the front center is the bathroom with a designer toilet, double sinks and linen closet

To the right is the shower with multiple shower heads on two walls, facing each other and benches on the opposite walls. The next side is a steam room with two long benches stepped up the walls. On the left side was a huge whirlpool bath with multiple jets and adjustable pressure valves that could be set to stimulate the muscles.

Its best feature was the fact that the front of the tub opens like a car door to allow easy access; and it also had a bench that bordered the edge. There are grip bars that run horizontal and parallel throughout the area and the shower stall was large enough to actually wheel Brian’s chair into before transferring to the special chair he uses for bathing.

The bathroom was centered between the master bedroom and divided up the sitting area space from the sleep area. It was made of clear aqua glass with a frosted swirl section that waved from about two feet to four feet around the perimeter. That way anyone in either room could see if Brian needed help; he liked his privacy but he was also practical and he finally enjoyed being able to do something on his own, sometimes.

Now that he could actually just start to feel sexual sensations he loved to sit in the steam room, fantasizing about his past as he jerked himself off, pretending it was someone else, usually Justin. That he was still beautiful, desirable, and whole.

Brian sat, leaning against the tile wall with his eyes closed as he stroked himself, his moans becoming louder. Justin heard him when he came home from school and went to check on him. He stood and watched him for a few minutes before he decided to join him.

Brian’s startled at first but then he feels Justin’s feather-light kisses along his shoulders as he places his hand on Brian’s. He encourages him to release his member so he can continue building pleasure for his lover. Brian’s getting really excited when suddenly Justin applies pressure to the base of his shaft to slow down his orgasm.

Justin whispers, “Not here. Let’s go some place comfortable.” He stands and puts a towel around Brian then carries him into the bedroom, laying him on the bed.

Brian’s totally energized, flooded with more sexual sensations as time goes by and he can’t help wondering if he will ever be ‘normal’ again. He’s so cute he doesn’t know how to ask for what he wants…

“Jus….” He just looks at him with big bedroom eyes and tries to turn onto his stomach, looking over his shoulder, making it clear he wants his ‘boy’ to be his ‘man’. Justin beams as he turns Brian around and rests him so he’s comfortable and supported by pillows. He starts at his shoulders and runs kisses from one to the other, coming back to kiss his cheek and whispers, “I love you” into his left ear.

He runs his tongue down the center of his back and his spine, feeling Brian relax and open himself up for him. As he approaches his beautiful firm ass he pulls his cheeks apart and delves his tongue around the tight pink pucker. Justin pulls his cheeks open a bit further and pushes his tongue in just far enough to swish around in a circle several times before retreating and circling the outer rim again.

Brian bucks back, grunting at the loss of stimulation. Justin’s amazed that he’s actually regained his sense of feeling and thinks that maybe Brian’s so lost in his arousal that his brain hasn’t registered that fact.

“Justin, Justin, Oh God, just fuck me, for Christ sake!”

That’s all it takes to get him back on track as he continues to stretch Brian with his strong tongue then he switches to his fingers, working him open and again he hears Brian grumble to get on with it….brat

Finally he squirts a generous amount of lube on his fingers, warming it up some before he applies it to Brian’s beautiful rosebud. He lines his cock up with Brian’s juicy hole and gently pushes in, giving him several inches and then stopping, waiting for him for adjust to his girth. A minute later he continues pushing in and then he starts working his partner.

Justin thinks he’s died and gone to heaven. He’s fucking Brian… Holy fucking shit! This is only the second time he’s fucked Brian, the first being about six weeks before he ran out on him with Ian. “I love you, Brian” he whispers as he starts earnestly fucking him.

Brian’s lost in the sensations that are assaulting him as he drools on his pillows and grabs at the sheets as Justin firmly holds his hips and fucks his ass. He’s barely conscious that all those moans and screams are coming from him - he’s never been one to get very loud during sex. Well, that was before, this is now…”

Justin’s amazed as he tries to hold off his own orgasm as Brian jerks and spasms under him, riding out his pleasure, screaming out Justin’s name begging him, “Harder, harder, harder! Ah, ah ah oh God Yes!” 

Brian is quaking so hard he pulls the sheets off the top of the bed as his body shakes and quivers. I hear him chanting; “Jus, Jus, Justin…”

~~~~

Brian started the research study which first consisted of a battery of physical and medical tests and we’ve gone over all the results with his doctors. He’s scheduled for his first surgery next week and I know he’s a little frightened because before he was under anesthetic when they set his legs. This series of surgeries will involve trying to redirect the neurotransmitters to his nerves to help him regain his motor skills. He will have a series of four or five operations depending upon how each step of the process goes.

I’m trying to convince him to go away with me for the weekend before he starts the research study and I start school again for the summer semester but he’s so stubborn sometimes he doesn’t like being in public. I wonder what it will take to get him to go out in the world again. To stop believing that no one will value him if he’s not perfect, young, beautiful, this neurotic man of mine.

TBC…