Still the One

Chapter 1

May 2025

Brian stared out the window wondering how his life had suddenly gotten so complicated and out of control.  As he swept his eyes around the loft, he could see the large empty platform bed through the slats.  The navy blue sheets were rumpled, the duvet and pillows tossed aside.  Brian sighed.

On New Years Eve things hadn’t gone quite like Brian planned.  Maybe he had gone overboard or maybe he had been too ridiculously romantic.  Brian thought he had everything planned and well organized.  He had proposed to Justin minutes to midnight expecting an immediate answer, the usual mushiness and the anticipated attack of allergies.  The silence he received was totally out of character and it made Brian feel certain emotions he hadn’t felt in years.  He was almost tempted to do something very foolish, something that would have truly ruined his life but his logical brain kicked in just in time to boot his angry vengeful brain in the ass. 

Brian stood, then stoically placed the box that contained the rings on the mantle.  Retrieving his glass of champagne, he downed the rest of it then returned to the kitchen to put their dinner on the table.  Brian didn’t mentioned the proposal for the remainder of the night.  He inquired about Justin’s trip into the city and made small talk throughout dinner.  After dinner they cleaned up then went to bed.

Brian eventually got his answer but it took time and not without an inquisition and aggravation.

*****

New Years Day 2025

“Brian, can we talk about this?” Justin ventured over breakfast.

“What’s there to talk about, Sunshine?  I asked, you didn’t answer,” Brian snarked as he stared into his coffee. 

Justin knew Brian’s tone all too well.  It meant he was angry but more importantly Brian was hurting.  Badly.  If Justin didn’t make it right somehow, and soon, he might be risking everything that they worked so very hard to build.  He might even be risking Brian’s trust, and that was the one thing Justin never wanted to lose.

But now wasn’t the time.  Brian was too angry to hear Justin.

*****

When the holidays were over and Bree was back to school, normal everyday life returned to the lane.

“Will you allow me to explain?” Justin asked as he ventured into Brian’s attic office.  Brian was working from home reviewing a campaign strategy from the new Kinnetik North.  Justin sat on the futon opposite Brian’s desk.  Brian slowly slid his chair slightly to the right so he could see Justin’s face.  He nodded and waited. 

“You took me by surprise,” Justin said.  Brian raised an eyebrow and gave Justin that “duh” look.  “Yeah, I know, that was obvious, but I really had no idea you were going to pop the question, again.  I figured once was enough.”

“We’re not legal.”

“Technically, no, and we could have changed that years ago when the Supreme Court made their decision but we didn’t at the time.  We never even discussed it, so I thought it was irrelevant.”

“Maybe it’s become relevant to me,” Brian softly stated.

“Why now?”

“What?”

“Why now?  It’s a legitimate question.  We’ve had every lawyer we know look over all of our documents, including our wills, and Bree’s adoption papers.  We are as legal as we can get.”

“Except for a marriage certificate.”

“You haven’t answered my question.”  Justin stood fast.  “Why now?”

Brian took a cleansing breath before trying to express his thoughts.  “We’ve been together twenty-five years; fifteen as a committed couple.  My accomplishments have exceeded anything I could have possibly dreamed of as a kid growing up.  And you have gone way beyond being the best homosexual you could ever be.  We’ve done it all.  I think, no, I know that this should be the next step in our life.”

Brian stood, his long legs traversing the attic in a couple steps to kneel again in front of his partner.

“I can’t give you a logical reason, Sunshine,” Brian said as he took Justin’s hands within his own.  “I realize how I must sound to you.  This goes against all that I once stood for.”

“No it doesn’t.  Your decision to come to my prom was a declaration of your love, although I didn’t realize it at the time.  And I remember a very public declaration of your intentions at Babylon several years ago,” Justin said with one of his famous smiles.  Brian suddenly felt some of the tension drain from his body.  Justin’s smiles still had that effect on him. 

“We had a beautiful ceremony with all our friends and family sharing it with us.  And please don’t say it wasn’t real; that would negate it.  It was very real for me.”

“For me too.  Even if same sex marriage was legal at that time I don’t think I would have been able to take that step.”

“Why?”

“I don’t think I had grown up enough.”

“And yet two years later you were grown up enough to want a baby.”  Brian shrugged.  “I get it, Brian,” Justin said after a moment’s reflection.

“Do you?  Really?”

“I think so.  But maybe the reasons don’t really matter, it's your feelings that do,” Justin said with sincere blue eyes gazing intensely into hazel ones.  “So ask me again.”  Brian slightly cocked his head.  “I’m serious, ask me again.”

Brian straightened.  “Justin Taylor, would you do me the honor of becoming my lawfully wedded spouse?”

“Yes, I will.”  Justin threw his arms around Brian’s neck; Brian gave Justin a hard hug then a loving kiss. 

“I have a request,” Justin declared.  Brian leaned back to see Justin’s face.

“I’d like a quiet ceremony, here on the lane.  We’ve already had the big showy ceremony; we don’t need all that again.”

“Bree will probably want to be involved.  Maybe Gus.”

“I have no problem with that.  But, Brian, are you sure about this?  It really won’t change anything between us.”

“I know but I want to do this.  I’m ready to do this.”

“And you don’t think you’ll be considered a Stepford fag?”  Brian winced.  “I didn’t say that to hurt you, but some people have long memories.”

“And I could give a flying fuck about what some people think.  The people who are important to me wouldn’t give a fuck either and they’re the ones that live in this cottage.”

“True.”

“Justin, I will never apologize for my past.  It helped to shape me.  But sometimes I regret the times I hurt you.”

“I fell in love with that man.  The no holds barred, tricking three, four times a day; twice that on the weekends, and Pittsburgh’s kick ass, number one adman.   And whatever hurt I may have experienced only strengthened me and made me love you even more.  You’ve never changed your core values and I pray to the gods that you never do.  You’re an honorable man, Brian Kinney.  You’ve never lied to me or to anyone else.”

“Maybe not but I’ve bent the truth now and then.”

“But for only the right reasons and only when someone needed your help.  Brian, I love you.  All of you.  Your past, present and future.  I will marry you for whatever reasons you may have and for the ones you can’t explain.”

Brian nodded then stood and walked to the balcony.  He looked out the windows toward the snow covered garden then shifted his gaze toward the meadow.   It too was covered in a light dusting of snow.  It all looked bleak, typical of a North East winter.  He felt Justin’s arms slowing snake their way around his waist and Justin’s head rested against his back.

“I’m sorry I didn’t answer right away.  I’m sorry I ruined your beautiful dinner,” Justin murmured, kissing Brian’s back as he did.  He knew nothing he did could ever fully take away the hurt that Brian experienced that night.  But Justin vowed to try.  “And it was beautiful.”

‘But it wasn’t enough,’ was Brian’s immediate thought.  Fortunately Brian hadn’t said that out loud.

Justin gave Brian one last squeeze before going back downstairs into the main cottage to start dinner.  Brian waited until he heard Justin puttering around the kitchen before going back into his office and shutting the door.  He stood in the middle of the room for a moment before pulling out his cell phone.

“Did he say yes?” the voice asked as soon as the call was answered.

“Yes,” Brian replied.

“So does that mean you’re cancelling your next appointment?”

“No.”

“Monosyllabic responses; not good.  I’m with my last patient, I’ll be free in an hour.  Call me back if you can’t wait until your next appointment.  If not, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Brian grunted his assent then hung up.  He sat at his desk and watched the bubbles of his screen saver wander around the screen.

*****

Debbie opened the front door of the little cottage on the lane.  A blast of cold air greeted her.  She pulled her fuzzy robe a little closer to her ample bosom and stepped outside.  She shivered in the cold, but turned to look up the lane at the conjoined cottages.  All was quiet and she was about to go back inside where it was warm and cozy, when a large shape appeared from around the side of her cottage.

"Oh my goodness," she gasped as Beau loped toward her.  She was still rather afraid of the big dog.

Beau stopped in front of her and cocked his head to one side.  He stared into her eyes.

"What, what do you want?" Debbie croaked out.

Beau gave a little rumble in his throat and took a step toward Debbie.

"Stay back!" Debbie ordered backing up closer to the door of the cottage.

Beau stopped, but he was quite near Debbie.  He could sense her fear and he wanted to correct that.  His tongue came out and he gave a sloppy lick to her hand.

Debbie jerked her hand away and Beau looked up at her with sad eyes.  She trembled and drew in a deep breath.  She wanted to run back into the cottage, but decided that it was better to stand her ground.  She rubbed her hands together wiping off the saliva from Beau's tongue.  She studied Beau's face seeing that he apparently meant her no harm.

"You know," she said in a soft voice, "I've never had much to do with dogs.  I have to get used to you coming around here."

Beau looked up at her and gave a little woof.

"I'm sorry I'm not friendlier to you, but you ... you're such a big dog."

Beau studied her, remaining quiet this time.  He felt like they were making some progress in this relationship.  He wished he could talk to her in words that she would understand.  He was doing his best to be friendly.

"Can you be patient with me?" Debbie asked.

Beau gave another little woof.  That was exactly what he was doing.  Couldn't this female see that he was being totally patient with her?

"The fact that you're still here is being patient, I suppose," Debbie informed the dog.

"Woof," Beau replied.

"Okay, okay," Debbie said.  "If you could come by when you see me outside, like today, maybe I could get used to your visits."  She gave a little chuckle after she made that statement.  Was she really making a date with a dog?

Beau heard the request.  He would be back tomorrow to see if she was available.  He gave a woof and trotted down the lane toward Emmett's cottage.

Debbie watched him go and breathed a sigh of relief.  The dog seemed harmless enough.  It was just that he was so fucking big!

She shivered in the cold, realizing that she had been standing outside for quite a while.  She watched Beau as he followed the path around Emmett and Drew's place.  She shook her head wondering if she would ever be comfortable with such a huge dog.  She turned and opened the door.

"There you are!" a booming voice stated.

Debbie gasped and grabbed her chest.  "Jesus!  You scared the shit out of me," she told her husband.

"What the hell were you doing outside in your robe?  It's like fifty below!" Carl exaggerated.

Debbie was about to make a snarky comeback, but she decided to have a little fun instead.  "I had a date," she said haughtily.

"A date?"  Carl frowned wondering what she was talking about.  "With who?"

"That's for me to know and you to find out," Debbie replied with a smirk, ala Brian Kinney, before heading for the coffeepot.  She poured herself a mug of the hot coffee then sipped carefully so as not to burn her mouth.  She wrapped her hands around the mug, feeling the warmth enter her frozen fingers.

"What the fuck is going on?" Carl demanded as he poured coffee for himself.  They both sat down at the table.  "You're going to catch your death being out in the cold without enough on.  And who was this mysterious date with?"

Debbie debated prolonging his concern, but then reached over and patted Carl's hand.  "I have a new Beau," she said with a chuckle.

"Debbie Horvath!  Stop tormenting me right now!"

"Okay, okay," Debbie conceded.  "I had an encounter with Beau the dog."

"Beau - the dog - is your new beau?" Carl asked still trying to decide whether he was being made fun of.  "I thought you were afraid of Beau."

"I am ... I was."

"Make up your mind."

Debbie sighed and took another sip of coffee.  She could feel her fingertips now.  That was a good thing.  "I went outside to see if anyone was out and about up at Brian's, but it was all quiet."

"Are you worried about them?"

"A little bit.  Something's off about Brian."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Carl responded with a wrinkle in his brow.  "But back to Beau.  What happened?"

"He came around the corner of the cottage and scared the crap out of me," Debbie said with a laugh.

"It couldn't have been so scary, if you can laugh about it."

"I could have shit myself when I first saw Beau," Debbie stated forcefully.  "But then I started talking to him, thinking that would keep him at bay."

"And did it?" Carl asked.

"He came closer and then ... he licked my hand."

Carl laughed out loud.  "That must have reassured you."

Debbie stuck her tongue out at her husband.  "I nearly jumped out of my skin."

"But you didn't."

"No, I wasn't going to give in to ... terror."

"That's my girl," Carl chuckled.

Debbie smiled at him.  "We talked a little longer, and then I invited Beau to come back every time he saw me outside.  I thought maybe I could get used to him that way."

"That's a good idea.  Do you think he'll come back?" Carl asked.

"I don't know, but I was thinking..."

"Thinking what?"

"I would feel a lot better about Beau being around here if I was more comfortable around him.  Sooo..."

"What?  What are you hinting at?"

"Um, I thought maybe we could get some of those dog biscuits that John gives the dogs sometimes," Debbie explained.

"Oh, I see, you're going to bribe him."

Debbie made a face.  "It's not really a bribe."

"Speaking as a former policeman, I'd say that what you just described is decidedly a bribe."

"Okay," Debbie said sarcastically.  "It's a bribe.  But I prefer to think that the route to a dog's heart is through his stomach."

"I thought that only applied to a man," Carl informed her.  "And I'm not sure it even works on them."

"Well, it worked with you, didn't it?" Debbie retorted.

Carl laughed.  "Yeah, I guess it did ... among other things."

"I'm hoping it will work with a dog too."

"You could be right."

"We should ask John what dog biscuits Beau likes," Debbie said.

"We could walk up there later."

"After I fucking warm up," Debbie groused rubbing her arms.

"I can help you with that, Babe," Carl said getting up and walking around behind her chair.  He gently rubbed her shoulders and she sighed contentedly.

"I knew I kept you around for some reason," Debbie cooed.

"I hope you keep me for more than one reason."

"I can think of several good reasons," Debbie replied.

"That's good," Carl said as he ran his palms up and down Debbie's arms.  "When you and Beau become fast friends, our little world will be complete."

"I don't know about complete, but it will be better.  All I need is those dog biscuits."

"And then you will truly be part of the pack on the lane," Carl said with a chuckle.