Present – 5 days after the visit to Marty's

Justin was lounging by the side of the pool, a bottle of beer in one hand and a joint in the other. This was the longest period of time he had spent at Britin since Brian had lost his mind and bought the place. Five gloriously uninterrupted days of he and Brian sunning themselves by the pool and fucking like bunnies whenever the spirit moved them. No family, no friends, no stalkers, no fucking Gurus. Just Justin and Brian. How he wished this would never end. But as the saying goes, if wishes were horses... Unfortunately, he and Brian had unfinished business. 

Taking another pull of his beer, he heard the patio door slide open. He watched as Brian walked toward him as naked as the day he was born. Justin couldn't help but admire the perfection that was Brian Fucking Kinney. It really should be illegal to be so fucking hot. And doesn't he know it? Justin thought to himself. That's the bloody reason we're in this fucking mess.

Brian flopped down on the empty recliner beside Justin, popping his sunglasses on before stretching out with his arms folded behind his head, the very picture of relaxation. You'd never know by looking at him that this was a man who had three deranged stalkers desperately trying to fuck him, one of which had actually broken into his office. Not to mention he had been assaulted by one of their partners. And he had spent a night in jail due to a minor altercation with a mystic. Justin started chuckling to himself as the thought occurred to him that if he tried to write a story about all this, it would be the most absurd piece of drivel ever committed to paper (or computer screen). Brian cocked an eyebrow at Justin, silently asking what he found so amusing. Justin just shook his head, and continued to reminisce about the events of the last five days.

Saturday Night – Marty's Bar – Five nights previously

"Hypnotism? They are all fucking hypnotized? Are you serious right now?" Justin stuttered out, hoping against hope that Marilyn was messing with them. 

Marilyn tried to hide her amusement as she looked at three shocked faces. 

"I'm quite serious, Justin. Miguel admitted as much to me when he was leaving here last night. I'm afraid that your friends have been hypnotized to believe that they experienced a night of passion with Mr. Kinney and that they are now in love with him"

"Oh, this is so amazing. It's like a soap-opera. It's like Dynasty, or Dallas. Oooohh, it's just like that movie Zoolander. Mel, Michael and Ted are just like the character Derek Zoolander, who is hypnotized by Mugatu to kill the Prime Minister of Malaysia" Emmett squealed excitedly as he continued "...except instead of trying to kill Brian, they are trying to fuck him"

Marilyn couldn't help but smile at Emmett's enthusiasm, but the smile was soon knocked of her face as she was grabbed and pushed up against the wall by Rage, er, Brian.

"Do you find this shit funny?" Brian snarled, barely controlling his desire to punch this silly queen in her fake tits. "Did it ever occur to you to ...I don't know... fucking WARN ME?" 

Marilyn tried to splutter out a response but Brian wasn't done, not by a long shot.

"Is this what you do here in this shithole that good taste forgot?" Brian continued, livid with anger. "Do you have any fucking idea what I have been through today? No? Well let me fucking enlighten you. My best friend decided to give me a back massage using his scrotum. Yes, I said SCROTUM. Then his mother tried to rearrange my face with several household objects"

As Brian paused briefly to take a breath, Justin tried to make him let go of Marilyn before he was tempted to put her in a hospital. But it was like Brian was a statue. He would not be moved. He was on the warpath.

"...Then when I finally escaped the Novotnys, my trusted employee, my CFO for fuck sake, knocked me on my ass, then tried to suck the fillings out of my fucking teeth"

"Then, I have to explain this shit to my partner. Thank fuck he's loyal or he would have dumped my ass. As it was, he decided to throw a jug of water at me instead"

"He fainted" Justin interjected, determined to justify his actions to the crowd who had gathered around them. "...I didn't do it for the shits and giggles

Emmett gasped and clutched his hands over his heart, as the tears welled in his eyes. "He called you his partner, baby"

"Shut the fuck up, Honeycutt" Brian snarled, as he turned his laser gaze back on the misfortunate Marilyn. "But the worst, the absolute worst part of this fiasco, the moment that will give me nightmares until the day I die...was the vision of the she-devil of Dyke hell trying to fuck my ass" 

Brian had to pause his rant there, as he had just thrown up a little into his mouth. Gathering his wits, and swallowing, he began again.

"Now, you have a couple of choices here Marilyn. One, you fix this quickly and I let you live with only minor disabilities after the beating you will receive; Two, you fix this quickly and I sue you for everything you own; or three, you fix this slowly and I fucking MURDER you"

Marilyn's eyes bugged out of her head, partly in fear, and partly because Brian's hands had tightened their grip on her neck. Gasping for breath, she croaked "I can't help you, I don't have the skill …"

"Wrong answer" Brian said menacingly, tightening his hold on her neck. 

The crowd at Marty's had, up until this point in the evening, been highly entertained by the goings on of this particular group. But now everyone, particularly the bears in the crowd, were afraid that Brian would follow through with his threat. One particularly muscle-bound man, decided he would need to intervene. Moving stealthily up to Brian, he wrapped his forearm around Brian's neck and put him in a headlock.

"You need to calm down there, boy" he threatened, in a deep gravelly voice. "...it'd be a shame to snap such a pretty head from such a pretty body"

Justin was initially happy that someone had stepped in to prevent Brian from doing something he would regret. But upon hearing the bear's words, and witnessing his free hand cup Brian's ass, Justin lost his cool.

"He is MINE. MINE. Take your motherfucking hands off my motherfucking partner" 

Picking up a bar stool he lunged at the bear, smacking him across the ass and thighs as hard as he could, screaming as he attacked. The bear roared in pain, and released his grip on Brian to try and defend himself from the blond spitfire who had nearly broken his leg. "I'm gonna gut you like a fish, you little bitch" he snarled and started to limp towards Justin with murder in his eyes.

Justin realized at that moment that maybe he should have planned this a bit better. Knowing he was no match for the bear in physical strength, he quickly decided that his one advantage was speed. Before the bear could get a hold of him, Justin jumped over the bar counter and started throwing liquor bottles at him. Sadly for Justin, he had never been the sporty type and his aim was for shit. He had managed to hit several other customers and inadvertently started a full scale bar brawl. 

And what a bar brawl it was. Taffeta, chiffon, and chenille drapes were pulled off the walls; pillows were hurled and exploded their feathers in all directions; bongs were inserted in orifices other than mouths; shoes were thrown; weaves were ripped out of the scalps of several of the drag queens. It was a fucking three-ring circus.

Justin had bunkered down behind an upturned card table, lobbing glasses at anyone who came near him. Trying to get his breath back, he screamed suddenly when he felt a hand wrap around his ankle. His panic receded a little when realized that it was only Emmett.

"Oh my god, baby. Are you okay?" 

"I'm fine Em. You?"

"I'm good. Where's Brian?"

"I'm not sure. The last time I saw him, he was dunking Marilyn's head into the toilet"

"Well, don't you worry honey. I called the cavalry and they're on the way"

"Who?"

"The Boys in Blue"

"You called the fucking cops?"

"I'm too pretty to die baby"

***********

Two hours later, the patrons of Marty's bar had been rounded up and place in two communal holding cells. Luckily, Brian was in one and Marilyn in the other. As they waited to find out their fate, Marilyn walked up to the bars that separated the two cells and beckoned Brian over, which he reluctantly did.

"Brian, I want to apologize. You have every right to be upset by my actions. Though, since you started a riot in my bar, I hope we can call it even"

"Not even close, you bitch" Brian retorted, still exceedingly pissed off. "Did you not hear me tell you about the dyke with the dildo?"

Marilyn sighed frustratedly and tried again. "Listen Brian. I want to help you. But I do not have the requisite skill in hypnotism needed to counteract Miguel's suggestions. If I even attempted it, it could make the situation worse"

"Worse?" Brian exploded. "What could be worse than Smelly Melly trying to top me with a fucking strap-on?"

"A green strap-on, Marilyn. So unflattering" Emmett interjected, trying to bolster Brian's argument but failing miserably.

"Would you kindly shut the fuck up, Honeycutt" 

Brian turned back to Marilyn. "So, what you’re telling me is I need to get Miguel to undo whatever the fuck he did"

"Exactly" Marilyn smiled, relieved that Brian was becoming more rational.

"So where can I find him?" Brian asked resignedly.

"He'll be back at the bar in two weeks’ time so …"

"TWO WEEKS! TWO GODDAMN WEEKS!! No fucking way. You need to get him back sooner than that" Brian demanded as he stared at Marilyn menacingly.

"I can't Brian. He works every second weekend at a bar in Philly"

"And where does he go during the week?"

"He works as a teacher's aide at a pre-school somewhere near Harrisburg. I'm not exactly sure where"

Brian looked gobsmacked at this. "They let that fucker take care of children?"

Emmett again butted into the conversation. "He probably hypnotizes them to be quiet if they're being a little rambunctious. What?" Emmett demanded when he saw how Marilyn, Brian and Justin were looking at him. "Oh, please. You know you'd hypnotize the little rug rats if they were getting on your nerves"

The others were saved having to respond because at that moment, Carl Horvath walked into the holding area. He looked exasperated as he waved Brian, Justin and Emmett toward him. Marilyn sidled up to him from her cell as well.

"So, who would like to explain why I get a call at 4:30 in the morning, telling me that three of Debbie's boys are in a holding cell because they were fighting with drag queens?" Carl asked sarcastically.

Emmett, not picking up on the rhetorical nature of the question, decided to answer Carl. "Umm, because that's pretty much what happened?"

Brian and Justin snorted at that, but Marilyn decided to try and salvage the evening by bullshitting her way out of trouble. Every good bar owner knows that it does NOT make good financial sense to have all her clientele arrested.

"Detective, if I may, I think there has been a little misunderstanding"

Carl looked at her, scepticism written all over his face. "Well, please. Do tell what other interpretation my officers should have reached when they saw the people in your bar going at it like the Sharks and the Jets"

"Umm well, aahhh...."

"We are all members of a Historical Society" Justin announced loudly, pride glowing on his face that he had come up with such a brilliant excuse "… and we re-enact famous battles in history"

Brian had to look away to hide his amusement. Carl's lips were twitching too, but he maintained his poker face.

"Is that right, Justin?" He said with mock surprise, giving the impression that he was extremely interested in this group. "How fascinating. And what battle were you recreating? The Alamo? Waterloo?"

"Don't be ridiculous Carl. We would have had to dress up in period costume for any of those" Emmett interrupted, trying to help, but unwittingly digging them in a bigger hole"

"Oh, you are all in costume!" Carl exclaimed. "That is so FABULOUS" he continued, hamming it up and doing one fine impression of Emmett. "So what battle are y'all dressed for?" 

Justin, Marilyn and Emmett eyed each other worriedly, unable to think of any famous battle where a large percentage were bears and drag queens, and virtually everyone participating was gay. How the fuck were they going to get out of this one? But then Rage came to the rescue.

"We were re-enacting the Stonewall Riots" Brian said sotto voce.

The silence was deafening as sixty seven rioters awaited their fate.

Carl, for his part, wanted to avoid the tree-loads of paperwork he would have to complete if he arrested any of the revellers. And more importantly, Debbie would probably withhold nookie indefinitely.

"Does anyone here want to press charges against anyone else here?" he shouted in a loud voice. A chorus of No's was his answer. So Carl announced "Okay everyone, you are free to go on condition that the next time you re-enact a battle, please make sure it isn't quite so life like. Got it?"

The crowd cheered at this announcement, and started to file out once the cell doors were opened.

Carl turned to Justin, Emmett and Brian and said gruffly "Come on, I'll drive you back to Deb's. She wants to talk to you" 

"Oh that's fucking lovely" Brian whined, as they all followed Carl out to his car.

Carl ensured that they were all buckled in and the central locking was engaged before he dropped his next bombshell. He didn't want Brian jumping out of a moving vehicle.

"I should probably warn you that Ben, Hunter and Blake are there too"

"Kill me now" Brian moaned as Justin and Emmett started laughing.