Brian woke with a start and shot up into a sitting position.
His head was throbbing, his body ached and his eyes were blurry. Rubbing his eyes frantically, Brian could feel some kind of liquid on his skin.
Panic was beginning to set in. What was going on? And then it hit him.
Michael.
Ted.
Smelly Melly.
It was just a nightmare, a scary as shit nightmare, but a nightmare none the less.
Laughing at the realisation, Brian lay back with a grin on his face. Giving thanks to a god he didn’t believe in, he just basked in the relief he was feeling. As his heart rate calmed and the ringing in his ears subsided, Brian became aware of another presence in the room.
“...should I call an ambulance?...”
“...no, he just dropped like someone had pulled his battery out...”
“...yeah, he’s breathing... doing that wheezing thing he does...”
“... I threw a whole fucking jug of water on him Mom, he didn’t twitch...”
“...how the fuck would I know what his blood sugar levels are? Should I fucking lick him to see if he’s sweet?...”
“...look, I’m sorry for the language but I’m kinda stressed here, Mom. Brian Kinney doesn’t just fain... gotta go, he’s moving...I will ok... bye”
Justin threw his cell on the sofa and rushed over to Brian who was laying on the floor of the bedroom in a puddle of water.
“Brian are you okay? How do you feel?” Justin enquired as he brushed the damp hair away from Brian’s eyes.
“Please open your eyes. You’re scaring the shit out of me”
Brian’s eyelashes fluttered open, his gaze immediately sought Justin’s, and he smiled sweetly.
‘Don’t worry Sunshine. It was all a fucking dream – like Bobby Ewing from Dallas”
Justin became more concerned.
“Who is Bobby Ewing? Brian, you’re not making sense. Come on, try to sit up and I’ll help you out of those wet clothes” he said as he helped Brian off the floor and sat him on the foot of the bed.
Brian looked down at his dampened shirt and the wet patch over his groin.
“Why am I wet?” Brian asked bemusedly
“I threw water on you”
“And why the fuck would you do that Sunshine?”
Justin looked down abashedly.
“I didn’t know what to do Brian. You just fainted and I tried to wake you but you were out cold and my mom said that I could try cold water so I threw a jug of water on you. And you still didn’t come to. I was about to call an ambulance”
Brian looked at Justin in disgust.
“I did not faint Sunshine. I’ve never fucking fainted in my life. What really happened? Were you trying to wake me so we could fuck?”
Brian leaned close to Justin’s ear and whispered seductively
“...next time, just touch me...” he said, caressing Justin’s neck
“...or lick me...” he continued, licking along the crease of Justin’s lips with a light touch, causing Justin to shiver
“...or kiss me..”
And with that, Brian swooped and devoured Justin’s lips, fully intent on extracting every ounce of pleasure he could.
Justin surrendered to the kiss, giddy with relief that Brian was okay after his fainting spell.
No, no, no. They needed to stop.
“Brian, stop”
“Why? I’m just starting to enjoy myself”
Justin reluctantly removed his lips from Brian’s.
“We need to deal with shit at home”
“Like what?” Brian said, kissing Justin’s neck.
Justin pulled away and looked at Brian like he had grown another head.
“What do you mean, like what? Michael, Ted and Mel are in ‘luurve’ with you. Any of this ringing a bell?”
“No no no NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!”
Several hours later, Justin had managed to calm Brian down using a number of tried and tested remedies
-
One stinging slap to Brian’s face – to stop the girlish shrieking.
-
Two blowjobs – given not received unfortunately for Justin.
-
Three stellar fucks -including one shower fuck
-
Three joints
Relaxing on the sofa, the pair were now nicely buzzed, though an impartial observer might use the term completely wasted.
Justin jumped up to grab one of his sketchbooks and began to brainstorm ideas as to why Brian was now catnip for Michael, Ted and Mel.
“Okay...” Justin said as he sat cross-legged beside Brian and stared studiously at the page in his hands
“...so are we ruling out alien abduction?”
Brian snorted and took another toke. “Even fucking aliens wouldn’t willingly abduct Melanie”
“What about a hallucinogenic pollution cloud floating over Pittsburgh?” Justin posited.
Without even turning his attention away from his joint, Brian leaned over and patted Justin on the head. “Silly Sunshine...” he said patronisingly “...then everybody would be in love with me – well, more than usual that is”
Brian stole a glance and managed to dodge the slap that Justin gave him for that piece of modesty.
“Ooh ooh ooh ooh” Justin said, bouncing on the sofa in a manner resembling a hyperactive chimpanzee. “Remember that episode of Buffy where one of the characters had a magic jacket that had a spell on it which convinced all the women he knew that they were in love with him... even the lesbians?”
Justin jumped up on his feet and started doing a little happy dance at his own brilliance, then turned to face Brian with a blinding smile on his face. “THAT’S IT... SOMEONE PUT A SPELL ON YOUR JACKET”
Brian couldn’t help but burst out laughing, tears rolling down his face. The more he looked at Justin’s earnest face, the more he laughed.
“That’s fucking likely Sunshine...haha...do you think it’s my Chanel Tweed Jacket or my Donna Karen Trench Coat that did the damage?”
Brian tried to contain his mirth as Justin was looking just a teeny tiny bit pissed off and Brian would quite like to have sex again today.
Brian took a deep breath and wiped the tears of his face, composing himself.
“Ever hear of Achem’s Razor, Sunshine?”
When Justin shook his head, Brian continued
“...it’s a principle which basically says, ‘All things being equal, the simplest explanation is probably the correct one’. So I seriously doubt a magical jacket is the source of my current woes”
Justin got right in Brian’s face. He did NOT appreciate being mocked, especially when he was trying to be a supportive fucking partner.
“Well, Professor Kinney, in that case, the simplest explanation is that last night you had a four-way with Michael, Ted and Melanie, and, because of the irresistible lure of your superdick, they are all now in love with you”
Justin gave Brian an innocent look and batted his eyelashes; “What would Achem say about that?”
Brian looked like he’d swallowed a bucket of 4-day old jizz as he processed what Justin had just said. “Point taken Sunshine. So what do you think we do next?”
Just as Brian asked the question, Justin’s cell started ringing.
“Don’t answer it” Brian pleaded, afraid of what he might hear next.
“Don’t worry Brian, it’s probably just my mom checking up on you” Justin replied as he located his cell on the sofa.
Looking at the display, Justin didn’t recognise the number, but it had a Pittsburgh area code so he answered. God would he be sorry he did.
“Hello Melanie...” he said, gesticulating wildly at Brian to come closer so that they could both listen.
“...How are you?” he politely enquired.
Always the fucking WASP, Brian mused.
“Let’s cut to the chase, shall we Justin?” Melanie said in a no nonsense tone.
“I know that Lindsay told you about Brian and I, and I’m sorry if you are hurt, but that can’t be helped. But I think I have a proposal that we might find mutually agreeable”
Well this outta be good, Justin thought to himself.
“While I love Brian deeply and last night was truly the most memorable of my life, there are some aspects of a future with Brian that I find... how should I put this.... distasteful”
Brian, who initially had looked horrified at the thought of Melanie being anything other than Linsday’s superdyke, butch-bitch, inferior half – now looked offended at the thought of anyone, even Smelly Melly, finding any aspect of life with him ‘distasteful’.
Justin had to bite his knuckle to stop from laughing at the egotistical, vain idiot he was in love with.
“Such as?” Justin enquired, making a shushing sign at Brian who looked like he was about to argue the point.
“Well...” Mel continued “...to put it bluntly Justin, I’m having some issues with Brian’s dick”
Justin had to put Brian in a head lock and shove his T-shirt in his mouth to stop Brian from screaming blue murder at Mel. You could insult Brian about virtually anything and he wouldn’t bat an eyelid, but when it came to his dick, well.... that was just below the belt.
“...So I’m thinking that he can live with me during the week, and I can provide him with hand jobs if I’m sufficiently drunk, and I have quite an extensive collection of strap-on dildos. You could have him every second weekend and provide the blowjobs because as much as I adore him, there is no way this dyke is putting a dick in her mouth”
Justin and Brian were both stunned into silence.
“I really think this would be the best solution for all of us” Melanie blithely continued, unaware of Justin’s utter shock.
“Well, um ..um.. Mel..” Justin stuttered, unable to believe what he had just heard.
“That was, ahem, quite some proposal. Could I think it over and let you know?”
Brian stared at him incredulously with his t-shirt still stuck in his mouth.
“That would be fine Justin. But please remember, whether you accept me proposal or not, Brian is mine and you’d better accept that fact because I will fight to keep him if I have to” Mel stated vehemently. And with that she hung up.
Justin let go of Brian’s head and began to pace. Then he turned around and the look in his eye scared the shit out of the brunet.
“Pack your shit. We’re going to the Pitts” Justin ordered as he walked past Brian and started grabbing random items of clothing and throwing them into a duffle bag.
“What? Why?” Brian exclaimed as he tried to avoid getting caught to Hurricane Sunshine’s wake as he sped around the apartment.
“Six fucking years it took me to get us (i.e. you) to this place in our relationship. So those three bitches better watch the fuck out because if they try to fuck with me I will fucking KILL them.”
Justin grabbed Brian and sucked the face off him before he released him and stated,
“You are mine”.