Brian steered the ‘Vette through the maze of roads surrounding the airport until he reached the freeway that would eventually return them to the loft.
Justin hadn’t spoken since they’d left the apartment in New York. That would have been shocking in and of itself, since the little fucker never shut up. But the expression on his face was not one Brian was familiar with, and, frankly, it was terrifying. But thankfully, for Brian’s sake, he was not the one who had inspired it. For once.
Justin had been okay when he had been packing, mad as hell at Mel, but relatively normal. It hadn’t been until Emmett called that shit got real.
Brian was sitting at what passed for a dining room table in Justin’s shoe box…uh, sorry, studio apartment, trying to book flights for them to get back to the Pitts later that day, when Justin’s cell rang yet again. Brian and Justin stared at each other, silently daring each other to answer it.
Justin threw the cell at Brian, but Brian simply raised an eyebrow and threw it back. “Not happening, Sunshine. With my luck it’ll be your mother calling to tell me she’s carrying my love child, and will insist that you start calling me ‘Daddy.’ And not in a good way.”
The expression of disgust on Justin’s face was comical, but having witnessed Justin’s temper earlier that day, Brian did not want to draw fire on himself, so he hid his smirk and looked back at the laptop in front of him. Justin harrumphed, but eventually decided to bite the bullet and answer the call.
“OH MY GOD, BABY!” Emmett shrieked as Justin answered the phone, “...you will not believe what has been going on here! Ted and Michael were fighting again, IN THE HOSPITAL! Can you believe that? It’s like watching a real life soap opera! We queers really know how to bring on the drama.”
“What happened?” Justin asked wearily, knowing that whatever he was about to hear could not be good.
“Well,” said Emmett, revelling in the gossip he was about to pass along, “...Michael asked me if I would help him walk over to Teddy’s room so they could talk. And I wanted two of my dearest friends to reconcile, so I agreed.”
Not to mention, if the ‘reconciliation’ went badly, Emmett would have a front-row ticket to Round Two of Dumb vs. Dumber, Justin thought cynically.
“But when we got to the room…,” Emmett continued breathlessly,”...Teddy took one look at Michael and threw a vase of flowers at us. Thankfully, I managed to duck, as I’m very flexible,” Emmett congratulated himself. “But Michael, well, he wasn’t so lucky. But no worries; the doctors think they can straighten out this new break to his nose in no time at all.”
“Do you know yet what they were fighting about?” Justin inquired, suspecting that Emmett knew more than he was letting on. Turns out he was right.
“Well, Baby, you know I don’t like to gossip...” Emmett responded coyly.
Yeah, right, Justin thought, and I don’t like to take Brian’s dick up the ass.
“...but it seems that both Michael and Ted had sex with Mr. Kinney last night. Now don’t you worry, honey, I’m sure Brian just thought an orgy would be a good way to, I don’t know, pass the time,” Emmett added, trying to reassure Justin. “But you know Michael; he’s taking it all a bit seriously.”
Brian fucked them to ‘pass the time?’ Brian wouldn’t fuck them to save his life. Justin reacted angrily to Emmett’s fucked up logic, but he held his tongue.
“In fact,” Emmett continued, “...Michael has broken up with Ben. He even told Ben that he could keep their house since he would be moving into Britin with Brian.”
Justin’s gasp of outrage went unnoticed as Emmett continued, blissfully unaware. “Although Michael wants to change the name. He can’t decide between Kinnotny Castle and Novinney Manor.”
And that was the last straw for Justin. “THAT MOTHERFUCKING, NO GOOD, WHINING, MOANING, TINY-DICKED, STUPID-HAIRED, SQUINTY-EYED, MOMMY’S BOY, FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!!!!
And with that he flung the phone across the room, unintentionally hitting Brian in the stomach. Brian picked up the phone, and noticed that the call was still connected.
“Honeycutt…” he growled.
“Oh, my God, Brian, is Justin okay? Was it something I said?”
“What do you think, you moron?”
“Well, really, Brian, there’s no need for name-calling,” Emmett responded indignantly. “I shall bid you adieu, and will speak to you again when you can keep a civil tongue in your head.” And with that, Emmett disconnected the call.
After Justin’s tantrum, he had just stopped talking, not as they left the apartment, not as they boarded the flight, nor as they disembarked. But as they pulled up in front of his Tremont Loft, Brian had a feeling that the silence wouldn’t last much longer.
As Brian pulled back the gate of the elevator, he groaned at the sight before him. When will this fucking end?
“Well, asshole! Hope you’re fucking happy! My baby is in the hospital having life-threatening surgery, because you just had to have sex with him!” As Debbie approached Brian to give him what seemed to have become a customary slap across the face, Justin inserted himself between them.
“I think you should know, Deb,” Justin said with a quiet menace, “...that if you slap Brian, he won’t slap you back. BUT I WILL!”
Debbie had been so focused on Brian – the Villain of the Day – she hadn’t been aware that Justin was there until he started to speak.
“Sunshine...what...what are you doing here? Oh, it’s so good to see you, honey!” Debbie exclaimed, attempting to wrap Justin into one of her bear hugs, but he was having none of it. As she gazed at him quizzically, she seemed to visibly shake her head to refocus on the matter at hand.
“What do you mean, ‘you’ll slap me’, you little shit?” she screeched as she realized what he had said, jabbing her finger in his face, causing her numerous bracelets to rattle like a snake. “Do you know what that asshole has done? He’s turned my poor sweet boy’s head, and made him fuck up his life!” she growled, as she turned her venomous glare toward Brian.
“Brian hasn’t done anything, Deb. But I know what your dick-headed, dim-witted, douche-bag of a son has done!” Justin roared at a suddenly white-faced Debbie. “He’s finally cracked and gone completely, fucking insane. He’s landed HIMSELF in the hospital, he’s broken up HIS OWN marriage, and because you’ve raised him to whine, moan and play the victim, that’s exactly what he’s doing. And the fault for that isn’t on Brian, it’s on YOU!”
With that, Justin marched to the loft door, unlocked it, and opened it with unnecessary force. Turning to a gobsmacked Debbie and Brian, he said “Now, you can come in and discuss this situation in a civil manner like a normal person, or you can fuck off. But trust me, if you say one more word against Brian, you’ll be in the hospital yourself, having my shoe surgically removed from your ass! ARE WE CLEAR?”
Debbie gawked soundlessly at him for a moment, and then nodded meekly. Brian was in shock himself as both he and Deb walked cautiously through the doorway and entered the loft.
“Now, Debbie,” Justin said with a smile, like he hadn’t just literally threatened to put her in the hospital, “...may I offer you something to drink? Tea? Coffee? Something stronger, perhaps?”
Once a wasp, always a fucking wasp, Brian thought to himself as he shook his head wryly.
Debbie gulped and stuttered, “Yeah...ah, yes, please. I mean, um... some beer would be good, Sunshine.”
“And you, Brian?”
When Brian nodded his head, Justin walked to the refrigerator, retrieved three bottles of beer, and popped the caps expertly before handing them out. “Now let’s sit and discuss what’s going on.”
“Hold that thought, Sunshine. I really need to piss,” Brian informed him as he put down his beer, hopped up, and headed toward the bathroom.
“Couldn’t you have said ‘take a leak’?” Debbie shouted at a retreating Brian. “Jesus...,” she muttered, looking back at Justin. “...he has no fucking manners.”
As Brian washed his hands, he looked at his rumpled clothes and unshaven face. He would have killed for a shower, but with Justin in the mood he was in, he couldn’t leave him and Debbie alone together for long, or there may be bloodshed. But he definitely had time to change his clothes.
Walking from the bathroom into the bedroom, he bent down to grab sweats and a tee shirt from the bottom drawer. And then he felt a hard cock grinding against his ass. Brian turned around, expecting to find Justin, but instead, he saw the worst sight he had ever seen in his life. Ever.
“MY EYES!!!... MY EYES!!!!”
Justin and Debbie looked at each other in shock, then, as one, jumped up and ran to the bedroom where Brian’s bloodcurdling screams were coming from.
The sight that met them was astonishing. Brian was cowering in the corner of the bedroom, dry-heaving. The cause of his distress was standing in front of him, demanding that he get up. Both Justin and Debbie gasped.
Melanie whirled around at the sound. She stood there, bare-ass naked, with the exception of wearing a vomit-green, 12-inch, strap-on dildo, and a battered pair of Dr. Martin’s on her feet. Putting her hands on her hips, she glared at Justin and Debbie, annoyed at having been interrupted.
“Would you mind leaving?” she said sharply. “Brian and I are trying to have a private, romantic moment here!”
Debbie appeared frozen to the spot, but Justin burst into action. Running to the kitchen, he grabbed what he needed, then, returning to the bedroom, he turned to Mel and shouted, “I’ve had about enough of your bullshit as I’m going to take, bitch! You sooo have this coming!” And with that, Justin pulled the pin and pointed the fire-extinguisher at Mel before letting her have it.
The first blast hit Mel in the face. The next blast was aimed at her tits, because, frankly, Justin didn’t want to look at them. Though she tried to evade him by running around the loft, she couldn’t shake an enraged Justin, who continued to spray her until the extinguisher ran out of foam. Melanie and Justin were in a Mexican standoff when Debbie seemed to remember how to speak. “Jesus, Melanie! You look like a fucking snowman with a hard-on!”
Justin snorted, and then began to giggle. He then began to laugh. And laugh hard. Debbie joined in, and soon the pair of them were trying to hold each other up as they laughed uproariously, tears rolling down their cheeks. Melanie was outraged, not only because her night of passion with Brian had been ruined, but also because she did not appreciate being a subject of ridicule.
Cursing at the pair of laughing hyenas, she grabbed her clothes from the bedroom, blew a kiss at Brian (who was still curled up in the bedroom, with a traumatized expression on his face), and then walked back into the sitting area to hurriedly get dressed.
Whatever hope Justin and Debbie had of calming down was soon obliterated by the sight of Mel trying to stuff the strap-on into the crotch of her pants so she could zip it up. With a grunt of frustration, Mel just gave up and threw on her coat which, mercifully, was big enough to cover her plastic stiffy. She gave the hysterical pair another disdainful look before she left, her chin held high.
“What the fuck was that?” Debbie managed to say, having gotten some of her breath back.
“Deb,” Justin replied ruefully, “... you probably wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”
Justin didn’t have enough time to try his usual remedies on Brian, seeing as Deb was currently trying to mop up the foam that was all over the loft. But he managed to revive Brian by providing one stellar blowjob and several shots of Beam. Brian seemed to be feeling a bit better, but every now and then he would have a full body shudder and start retching, while Justin, who was now feeling much more relaxed after venting his pent up anger at Melanie, couldn’t help but giggle at the expression on Brian’s face.
Eventually the loft was as clean as they could get it, so all three grabbed fresh beers, sat around the kitchen island, and passed around a joint. Debbie eventually broke the silence. “So which of you wants to tell me what the fuck is going on?”
Brian and Justin did their silent communication thing again, and eventually Justin told Debbie the whole, unbelievable story. Debbie was silent for several minutes as she digested what she had been told. After taking several swigs of beer, she looked at the two boys.
“You know, this kinda explains something Ted said at the hospital earlier when I visited him. By the time I joined them on the street yesterday, they were already trying to kill each other, while that assho...” she looked nervously at Justin as she rephrased it, “...Brian was reversing down the street in the Vette like a maniac. So I never knew what started the fight”
“What did Ted say?” Justin asked, with a bland expression on his face, though inside he was feeling very smug that he’d managed to intimidate Debbie into not criticizing Brian. I’m the MAN.
Debbie relayed to Brian and Justin the conversation she had had with Ted. She’d gone storming into his room, all guns blazing, ready to tear him a new one, but one look at how pathetic Ted looked after his surgery and it had made her pause.
“How are you feeling, honey?” she had asked, moving to sit in the chair beside the bed.
“I’ve a dislocated testicle, Debbie, thanks to your son. How do you think I feel?” Ted had retorted, uh… testily.
“What the fuck were you two fighting about?” She had inquired then.
“Your son is filled with an all-consuming jealousy, and, rather than let me be happy with my soulmate, he tried to make me incapable of performing my husbandly duties,” Ted had replied, as if he were narrating the plot of one of his beloved operas. “But I will soon be good as new,” he had vowed, looking at Debbie determinedly “...just as soon as the urinary incontinence stops, and I can stop using Depends. Michael will not prevail!”
Brian and Justin didn’t know whether to laugh or cry as Debbie repeated the conversation. Finally, Brian jumped up and declared, “I’m so fucking sick of this shit! This needs to stop before I lose my mind!”
“So what are we going to do?” Deb asked, now completely on board.
Brian replied to her question with a purposeful, determined look in his eye. “We are going to retrace my steps from last night, and seeing as I can’t remember shit, we’re going to need help. Now since Michael and Teddy are in the hospital due to their own lunacy, and ‘She, Who Cannot Be Named’ will never again be allowed within 500 yards of me for the rest of my life, that leaves only one person we can call.”
All three voices rang out in unison.
“EMMETT!!”